


I'm a Fiend for You: Part 1

by freyja_luna



Series: I'm a Fiend for You [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Feels, Banter, Character Development, Character Study, Drama & Romance, Drinking, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Emotional suffering, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Grief/Mourning, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Loss, Major Original Character(s), Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Moral Dilemmas, Morality, Morally Ambiguous Character, Morally Grey Characters, No character bashing, POV Original Female Character, Pranks, Pre-Canon, Recreational Drug Use, Revenge, Romance, Sacrifice, Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, Shameless Smut, Sirius Black Lives, Slow Burn, Slytherins Being Slytherins, Smoking, Smut, Swearing, catching feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:40:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 243,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25774507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freyja_luna/pseuds/freyja_luna
Summary: In her final year at Hogwarts, Muggleborn Seer and Ravenclaw Kersti Ridgelow, aka Grindylow, attracts the attention of Lily Evans and the infamous Marauders. How? With a pumpkin-juice revenge prank on an annoying Slytherin, of course! And who knew pumpkin juice would lead Kersti to casually shagging Sirius Black, and then accidentally falling in love with him. Updates once a week.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter & Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s)
Series: I'm a Fiend for You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002807
Comments: 166
Kudos: 238





	1. Revenge is a dish best served with pumpkin juice

**Author's Note:**

> I'm Canadian and I've never been to the United Kingdom, but I'll try my best to use British vocabulary and slang. My apologies if it's cringey.
> 
> I guess that this story would be considered a slow-burn romance, as it takes a while to develop as the two characters get to know each other on a deeper level. It will definitely be a long haul, and the focus will be on character development and character interactions/dynamics.  
>    
> FIEND by Sam Roberts Band

It was September first, so of course I was back here in the Great Hall, picking at my food at the Ravenclaw table while my housemates talked around me. My stomach was churning and tied in knots and it had been for the whole day now, which made eating nearly impossible. I’d had uneasy and anxious thoughts about this coming school year all throughout the break, and not because it would be my last year before McGonagall booted myself and the other seventh years out into the adult world to fend for ourselves. In the weeks leading up to the start of term, I had barely eaten and slept, and the moment that I had stepped foot onto the Hogwarts grounds again, I had known that this year my abilities of Sight and other Seer-related powers would be a giant pain in my arse. 

Ever since my Seer abilities had emerged in fifth year, I’d done a pretty good job at keeping them in check and secret. Being a Ravenclaw meant that I was a lot more clever at controlling, honing and hiding my powers of Sight. In fifth year I had spent hours in the library reading all sorts of materials on Divination and the gift of Sight, until Madam Pince had known me by name and had stopped treating me like a first year in danger of spilling an ink pot everywhere. After I had read every book at Hogwarts relating to Seers, I had spent months exploring my abilities until I knew them inside out and was much more in tune with them. If I knew everything about my problematic “gift”, then I could at least partially predict and control it. Clearly, I’m a Ravenclaw. 

Even from first year I had been bored in class and started reading and learning new materials ahead of the class, as well as material not covered. When I had first come across the concept of animagi in fifth year, I had set out to become one as soon as summer rolled around. I hadn’t expected being in my animal form to bring so much peace to me. When I was in my animal form, I didn’t have any visions or dreams or premonitions, and I could finally be at rest, if only for a brief period of time. And now, going into my seventh year, I knew that I would be spending a lot more time in my animal form, running away from my problems, if my nerves and insomnia were any indicators. 

“Ridgelow, how was your break?” asked a fellow seventh year, Daniel Chambers. 

“Oh, hi. Wasn’t too bad, thanks,” I replied nonchalantly. I was mostly acquaintances with all my fellow seventh years at Hogwarts, even my own housemates. I was more or less friends with Emily Sanderson, Theresa Rhodes and Amelia Stainton, but that was probably because we shared a dormitory. 

“Can’t believe you even got a genuine answer from her,” Emily drawled from beside me. “Considering she barely talked to me on the train today.” She pouted at me and pretended to brush away tears. I just laughed it off and shoved her away gently. 

There was the usual back-to-school speech from Dumbledore and the terrified first years getting sorted into their houses which was at least partially amusing. As Emily, Theresa, Amelia and I left the Great Hall with everyone else to head to our dormitories, the girls chatted about this coming year and how some of the seventh year boys had grown into themselves and gotten more handsome over the break, while I trudged beside them trying to will away my nerves and hoping that I didn’t have a prophetic dream of some sort on my first night back. 

  
  
  
  


The next morning I woke up early after a night of tossing and turning, feeling like shit. I stumbled down to the Great Hall after slipping on my robes and brushing my hair, planning on drinking several cups of tea while reading a book in peace. Maybe then I wouldn’t fall asleep in class on the first day, which I had done in sixth year and gotten teased for doing so for a month after, and then pissed off my whole house because I lost them ten points. 

At this hour I was one of the only students awake, seeing as it was 6 am and the sun was only just beginning to illuminate the dark and cold interior of the castle as it shone through the windows. Being so high up in the Ravenclaw tower which housed my dormitory meant that as I descended the many staircases to the Great Hall, the morning light was gradually replaced by floating candles, as the sun hadn’t hit the lower levels of the castle yet. Tiptoeing towards the doors of the Great Hall which thankfully always seemed to be open no matter the hour, I briefly considered going down to the kitchens below to ask the house elves for an early breakfast. I decided against it, not wanting to disturb them. I knew full well how to get into the kitchens, which I had accidentally found out by watching that ridiculous group of Gryffindor boys who called themselves the “Marauders” tickle the pear in the painting. A neat trick, but my stomach was still in anxious knots and I didn’t think I’d be able to eat anything this morning. 

I sat down at one end of the Ravenclaw table and pulled out my book and the teacup and teapot that I had crammed in my bookbag. I quickly fashioned myself a pot of tea with magic of course, poured myself a first cup, cracked my book about Advanced Charms open, and set to sipping and reading away the early morning hours. 

  
  
  
  


“Hey. Hey, Grindylow. Grinnndyyy. Wake up, Grindylow.” I could vaguely feel someone shoving my shoulder none too nicely. I blinked my eyes open and realized that I had been sleeping with my face on my open book and that most of the other students had now arrived in the Great Hall for breakfast. I quickly lifted my head and turned to see Avery, a seventh-year Slytherin standing over me, smirking at me. He must have been the one shaking me. 

“While you were sleeping, Grindylow, I drastically improved your personality,” Avery said in his smarmy voice. I was about to open my mouth to tell him to piss off, when I realized that my mouth was completely shut with some sort of spell, leaving me unable to retaliate. 

Avery laughed at my panicked face as I raised my fingers to touch my mouth, which was outwardly the same despite its current functional shortcomings. He leaned down, bringing his face next to mine so he could look me in the eye. “You’re much prettier when you can’t talk, Grindylow,” he said, giving me a smile that made me want to punch him. He laughed at my angry but totally mute expression, pulling away and walking over to the Slytherin table to sit with his other insufferable friends, Mulciber and Snape. I watched him, wishing more than ever that I could give him a piece of my mind. The three of them turned to look at me from their table, causing them to break out into guffaws all over again. 

I turned back around to my table, watching as Emily, Theresa and Amelia entered the Great Hall and headed over to me. Just then, the food appeared and I scrambled to put away my things in my bag. I waved to the girls and they headed over, and I turned to look at Avery, suddenly knowing exactly what I could do to get back at him. As the girls sat down around me, chatting and beginning to serve themselves food, I focused on Avery who was currently holding a jug of pumpkin juice and preparing to pour himself a glass. A quick flick of my wand and the jug lurched out of his grasp, and before he realized what was happening, dumped its contents all over him in a sticky mess. 

Avery sprung to his feet, cursing and furious, trying to shake off his sticky hands. He whipped around and stared at me, face red with rage and ready to stomp over to my table, when McGonagall intercepted him. 

“Mr. Avery, that is unacceptable language to use in the Great Hall, not to mention your carelessness with handling your food. Sit back down and five points from Slytherin. Do control yourself in the future, lest I deduct more points,” she scolded him. I flipped him off from behind McGonagall and he clenched his fists and grew even more angry. 

“Yes, Professor,” he said and sat back down, but not before giving me a nasty look. I watched with glee as his fellow Slytherins began to hassle him about losing them points on the first day, smirking in satisfaction. I turned back to the girls who were staring at me in amusement.

“What was that for, you devil?” Theresa asked. I just pointed to my sealed mouth, which they understood easily, given that they had been there when I had rejected Avery’s advances last year and subsequently ignited his passion for irritating me. 

Seeing as I could no longer hope to enjoy breakfast, I decided to go back to the dormitory to reverse Avery’s spell, as I didn’t want to show up mute to the first class of the day. As I was getting up, Avery turned to glare at me. I blew him a kiss and waggled my fingers at him, earning some chuckles from my house and the other houses. Avery knew better than to push his luck with McGonagall, so he just fumed at me from his table and turned back to Snape and Mulciber, probably plotting my demise. Insufferable arsehole. 

  
  
  
  


By the time I arrived at my first class, Advanced Charms, I’d thankfully managed to undo Avery’s spell. At the seventh year level, not many people took Advanced Charms, so neither Emily, nor Theresa, nor Amelia were in this class. Sitting down at a desk, I was pulling my stuff out when someone approached me. 

“Could I sit here?” fellow seventh year, Lily Evans asked. I smiled and made room for her on the bench and she sat next to me. I knew Lily only a little, but we both were often in the same advanced classes, so I figured that I would be seeing more of her this year since the classes were smaller. 

“What was that all about with Avery this morning,” she asked, getting her quill and parchment out of her bag. “I saw him taunting you and the pumpkin juice.”

“That was revenge for sealing my mouth shut magically when I was asleep at my table,” I laughed, twirling my quill in between my fingers. “He’s had it out for me ever since I turned him down for a date to Hogsmeade last year.”

Lily laughed, turning to me. “He must think that irritating you will make you suddenly fall madly in love with him, no matter how backwards that is.”

“Evans, you insult my abilities to charm you,” James  Potter  piped up from beside Lily whom he had walked over to, no doubt to irritate her into liking him. “Ridgelow,” he nodded to me. I raised my eyebrows in surprise, not recalling a single time when I had spoken to him before. “That was great what you did to Avery, anyone who pranks him and his Slytherin friends is a friend of ours,” he said, gesturing to himself and his group who were crammed into the bench across from me and Lily. Remus Lupin was poring over a book, Peter Pettigrew was looking around anxiously to see if Flitwick had appeared yet, and Sirius Black was leaning back in his seat, hands behind his head and looking bored. At James’s gesture, he turned his gaze to me and Lily, flashing me a lazy grin and a wink. 

I turned back to James. “Anytime,” I said, grinning at him. 

As  P rofessor Flitwick entered the class, James hesitantly retreated to his seat after casting a longing look at Lily. She shook her head, the corners of her mouth curling upwards. Apparently she was enjoying his pestering this year, as opposed to previous years when she seemed to want nothing to do with him. I didn’t know much considering I rarely hung out with Gryffindors, but given how obvious James had always been in his constant pursuit of Lily, and how obvious she had been with her rejections, it didn’t take a genius to see the difference. It probably had something to do with the pair being Head Boy and Head Girl; it must give them something to bond over. 

As Flitwick began his lecture, I sat back and continued to twirl my quill in my fingers, knowing I had already learnt the material during the summer. Every year I had spent the summer reading ahead and learning the spells, charms, jinxes and other material that we would learn in the coming school year. It made class easier since I could zone out. When the visions and dreams had started in fifth year I had been so exhausted from the stress and lack of sleep that paying attention in class had become near-impossible, in which case I didn’t have to worry about needing to focus on lessons and lectures because I had already studied whatever it was we were learning. Plus, it gave me more time to scour the library for books about Seers. 

Class passed relatively quickly, and soon Lily and I were getting up from our seats with the rest of the class. As we were gathering up our books, Lily turned to me. “Kersti, what classes do you have next?”

“I think Potions, D.A.D.A., Apparition,” I said. “Though I can’t really remember my schedule.”

Lily smiled. “Me too. Do you mind if we go together?” 

“Sure. And I’ll fend off Potter if he gets too clingy,” I said, giving her a cheeky grin. Most people weren’t aware of my sneaky, rebellious side, which was too bad because it would probably be better at earning me friends instead of the typical loner and bookworm vibe I gave off. That was probably for the better though, seeing as Emily, Amelia and Theresa most likely wouldn’t be able to handle my rebellious alter-ego. Lily and I fell into step as we walked out of Charms, heading to the dungeons for Slughorn’s dreadful Potions class. I knew that Lily was a particular favourite of Slughorn because she was at the top of her class and thus part of his “elite” Slug Club, not to mention that everyone, teachers included, liked Lily Evans. On the other hand, I don’t even think that Slughorn knew my first name, but that was probably because I didn’t pay attention to him half the time and didn’t give him the satisfaction of caring about his Wizarding World connections and networking. It was probably only Flitwick among the professors who knew my first name, but then again he was the Head of Ravenclaw. 

“How was your break, Kersti?” Lily asked me from my right side as we descended the staircase. 

“It was fine, read up on all the materials we’ll learn this year so I think I have a good idea of what Sluggie might throw at us,” I said as we passed some fifth years heading in the opposite direction. 

“Do you usually read in advance?” she asked, her interest clearly piqued. I suppose it wasn’t too often that a top student like Lily ran into another girl who cared about grades as much as she did. 

“Yeah. Every year. But don’t get me wrong,” I said, turning to meet her pretty green eyes, “it’s only so I can be a bad student and not pay attention in class, but still pass my NEWTs.”

“Bad student? Are you discussing me, my beautiful Lily?” James said, coming up beside her and inserting himself obnoxiously into the conversation, staring at her expectantly. Typical. 

“No, they were talking about me, of course,” Sirius said, squashing himself between Lily and I and throwing an arm around both of us. “Ladies never talk about you willingly, Prongs.” Sirius turned to me, his face awfully close to mine considering I’d never had a full conversation with the guy before. I met his grey eyes, his wavy black hair framing his absurdly handsome face. “Ridgelow,” he addressed me. 

I raised an eyebrow. “Black,” I quipped, feeling taken aback by how quickly the Marauders seemed to latch on to anyone who spent time around Lily Evans, given that James was their leader and was always trailing behind her. Well, except Snape. Even I knew that they hated him. I shrugged out from under Sirius’s arm, as did Lily, which was a good plan because James was eyeing Sirius as if he would fight even his best friend to the death with tooth and nail to have exclusive access to the object of his affections. Soon enough, the whole gang of boys was here, making me feel claustrophobic. Although, Remus was half decent, and I was often in the same advanced classes as him as well as Lily. Peter I knew nothing about.

“Ridgelow,” Remus said, smiling softly at me. “Have you signed up for Apparition classes this year?” he asked, hiking his book bag shoulder strap up as it tried to slip down his lanky arm. Remus and I fell into conversation about our classes, while Lily and James seemed to be having a remarkably amicable conversation, with Sirius poking fun at them. We soon arrived at Potions and entered the class, splitting up into our groups from Charms, though not before James cast another lovey-dovey look at a blushing Lily, which made me gag out loud, earning a bark of laughter from Sirius. Lily and I sat down together and again got out our class materials. It was only the first day of classes and the most interesting things that had happened to me were getting revenge on Avery and being bombarded by Lily and the Marauders, none of which spelled a normal school year for me. 

Slughorn entered the class and the lesson began. We were learning to brew the luck potion, Felix felices today, but I had already learnt it so I was once again sitting back at the desk, thinking of ways that I could pass the class time faster. Considering that I was still feeling queasy and uneasy because of my premonition that this year would be different, I would probably have to spend tonight in the Forbidden Forest. I had started exploring the woods as soon as I became an animagus, but sneaking out to sleep there hadn’t started until last year, when the horrifying Seer dreams had increased in frequency. I was lucky that my animal form was that of an extremely dangerous apex predator, because then I could sleep in the woods without worrying that an acromantula or hippogriff or other creature might mistake me for their next meal. Although, sleeping in the trees had certainly mitigated any chance of that happening. 

I smiled to myself, remembering when I had been dozing at night up in a tree in my human form, my back to the trunk. Sometime during my nap I had shifted and then proceeded to fall from the tree, landing on the forest floor on my back. I had gasped and struggled for air, thinking that I had done something to my lungs. Turns out, I was only winded and was fine in a few minutes. After that I hadn’t slept in any of the trees in my human form, fearing a repeat falling episode. 

That was the more benign of my experiences sneaking into the Forbidden Forest, which mostly consisted of me taking off as my tiger form and running as long and fast as I could, trying to run away from seeing the future. Or I would stalk the woods alone, despairingly lonely. I wished that I could give up being a Seer, but I didn’t think that that would even give me a better shot at being normal, seeing as I was already a chaotic mess. 

  
  
  
  


The rest of the day passed uneventfully, except for Avery giving me some nasty side eye in Apparition. As evening rolled around, Emily, Amelia and I were lounging in the Ravenclaw Common Room. Em and Amelia were talking excitedly about some party that was happening on Friday in the Gryffindor Common Room and how Emily had somehow scored an invite to it even though she was from a different house. 

“Kersti, will you be coming with us? You could really use the social interaction and branching out,” Amelia asked me as I lay on one of the couches, feet crossed and trying to read a book about mastering wandless magic. 

I turned my head to look at her. “Lia, I can’t. Emily shouldn’t be rude and bring more than one plus-one to the party, and I’m not friends with any Gryffindors.”

The problem was that Emily and Lia weren’t that easily put off their mission to have a reason to get me primped up and out in the open. Emily was always complaining that I owed her a chance to play with my long wavy red hair since she wished she could trade in her fine, straight blond hair for it. 

“Oh, you poo. You’re such a spoilsport,” Emily said. “It’s not about getting to dress you up this time, it’s about getting you laid.”

My eyebrows shot up at that. “That’s bold of you to assume,” I said. 

“Seriously, woman. You’d be less uptight if you got to channel your suppressed rage into fucking the shit out of a hot Gryffindor guy,” Emily shot back. 

I burst out laughing. “I’ll come with you two, if that makes you stop accusing me of needing to get laid.”

Emily clapped her hands together and high fived Lia. “Finally! You’ve never gone to a single out-of-house party before, this is a great accomplishment for me.” I tried to interject with some sort of remark but she cut me off. “Shut up, you’re not getting out of this.”

I put my book on my chest, raising my hands in surrender. Emily smiled at me. “Okay ladies, let’s get our assignments finished, because I can’t afford to fail Apparition and Transfiguration kicked my arse last year.” Emily and Lia got down to work, while I went back to my book. Emily might seem like she would be better off in another house, but she was remarkably sharp and insightful when it came down to it. Her strong suit was Duelling though, and she had been the reigning queen of the Duelling Club at Hogwarts since fifth year. I wished that I could be as good as her, but my tactic relied more on the element of surprise and not the quick thinking and reaction times that the Duelling Club honed in its members. 

Later that night, I sat in the window sill in our dormitory, staring out at the dark sky with its tiny stars and the forest that covered so much of the Hogwarts grounds. Emily, Lia and Theresa were chatting excitedly as they got ready for bed, having convinced Tess to come to the party as well. My fingers traced the metal work of the window pane, wishing I could smoke a joint in the dormitory. Unfortunately, Tess had asthma, Lia hated the smell of smoke, and Emily didn’t trust me to not light the whole dorm room and Ravenclaw tower on fire. Smart girl. 

As the girls and I slipped into our beds and under our covers, I drew my bed curtains closed, casting a silencing charm around my four poster bed. Ever since I had woken Tess up in the night two years ago with my screaming and crying, I casted a charm to mute any noises I might make every night. Having Seer dreams and nightmares often made me cry out in my sleep, and the last thing I needed was trying to explain why I screamed in my dreams to three sharp Ravenclaws. They would put two and two together quickly, I’m sure.


	2. Dreaming my happiness away

In my dream, I was standing in front of a long Muggle townhouse at night. Behind me, a solitary streetlamp cast light only as far as the townhouse door in front of me, leaving the rest of the building’s face in shadow. No lights shone in the many windows which looked down upon me like ghosts, waiting expectantly for my next move. I could feel my heart racing as my nerves went haywire, my hands trembling and my body shivering, though from the damp cold or my nervousness I couldn’t tell. I raised my pale hand to the black door, stark against the white siding of townhouse number 12. I couldn’t think straight, all I felt was an unbearable urge to enter and see who was inside. As my scraped knuckles touched the door, the dream shifted. 

I was inside the row of townhouses, which I knew had been a facade to a much more interesting interior of an old and warded wizard family house. A dim lamp on the wall cast little light on the hallway. The wallpaper was an ugly mottled green colour, and the doors inside were black just as the front door. There were ornate and expensive paintings hanging on the wall, gold framed and depicting long-deceased witches and wizards, painted in the style of royalty. I didn’t dare cast  _ lumos _ , knowing that the light from my wand would wake the paintings, causing insults about my appearance and blood status to rain down on me like the cobwebs that covered the ceilings. A dark wood staircase rose into the darkness to my right, but I tiptoed instead down the front hall and into a room on my left. 

A sitting room, with wallpaper as equally dark and depressing as in the hallway. A dusty, broken piano stood in the corner in front of a dark wood cabinet. Tall windows covered by black, moth-eaten curtains shrouded the room in shadows, making the prospect of sitting on either of the decrepit emerald sofas extremely unappealing. But this room was different, because as soon as I entered, visceral and excruciating emotions took over me. A wave of sadness washed over me, drowning me in its depths as my head disappeared beneath its surface, a sadness such that I felt that I would never be happy again, that there was nothing and no one left to live for. A longing so sharp it took my breath away, leaving me panting and crying for the part of me that had been cruelly cut from my very being and taken from me, leaving me with a wound so deep and so painful that it demanded to be felt. And a loneliness, all consuming and a constant reminder of who I had wanted to be in this room when I entered it, but who was not here. The man I loved so terribly and desperately was gone. I began to weep bitterly for myself and for him, wishing that my tears could somehow wash away this reality and bring in a new one in which he would be here with me. 

  
  
  
  


I jolted awake, my breathing ragged. My face and shirt were wet with tears which continued to cascade down my cheeks, dripping slowly onto my chest. I was covered in a sheen of sweat, my covers tangled around me and my bed sheets soaked in perspiration. Suddenly, a splitting headache ripped through me, pounding across my skull. I cried out and gripped my head in my hands as my brain felt like it was on fire. I yanked open my bed curtains and tripped out of bed and into the bathroom. I didn’t have to wait long before the extreme pain from my headache caused my stomach to seize and to make me begin vomiting into the toilet. Sweat rolled down my clammy face as I retched until nothing but acid came up, and then the vomiting stopped. 

I rinsed my mouth in the sink, staring at my haggard face in the mirror. My eyes were swollen and red and my nose was running, threatening to drip snot all down my face, my red hair a rat’s nest. I had certainly seen better days. It was obvious that my dream had been a glimpse of the future, and I could sense that it was a part of mine. But other than those two facts, I had nothing to go on, as the inside and outside of the wizarding house were entirely unknown to me. And whomever I had been desperately wishing to find in that gloomy sitting room, I knew nothing of him either. Though if I were in fact going to lose him in the future like I had felt in my dream, I wasn’t too keen to care about and love him as deeply and wholly as my dream self apparently did. What was the point of caring and loving if I were to lose him in the end? 

I rubbed my face with my hands. This was exactly what I feared would happen on my first night back, and the worst thing was that because I knew nothing about the wizarding house or the man whom I had been searching for, I had no way to know what or who had potentially triggered my dream. It could have been caused by an article I read in the Daily prophet, a face I’d seen in passing or something else entirely. Either way, I’d learnt quickly that there wasn’t much promise in questioning who or what had triggered a dream or vision, but that I should concentrate my efforts on analyzing what I’d seen and felt from the future instead. 

I looked at the clock. Not even four AM yet. Classes today were going to be painful from how little sleep I got, but I figured that some coffee would fix that. I hastily pulled a comb through my hair and put on my robes, grabbing my book bag with all the things I would need for my classes later in the day. I quickly tiptoed out of the dormitory, down the stairs and out of the Common Room. Ever since I had become an animagus, my hearing and vision and sense of smell had become better and sharper, which had helped me sneak around even in my human form. My improved sense of smell had certainly saved me from a run-in with Mrs. Norris, and thus Filch, on several occasions. I crept through the darkened hallways, not even needing to use  _ lumos _ , and quickly found an alcove wide enough for me to sit in comfortably. I transformed one of my shoes into a cushion so my ass wouldn’t get cold and sore from sitting on the stone and pulled out  _ The Art of Wandless Magic _ by Gertrude Persimmon. 

I was so far able to create a flame to light a candle or able to stir my tea by just moving my finger, but I had taken it up a notch and started to attempt  _ accio _ without a wand. I always practiced my wandless magic in private for the simple reason that I would rather have my enemies underestimate me in battle because they did not know the full extent of my skills. As a Seer, I didn’t have the luxury of assuming that I had no enemies. Seers were highly sought after for obvious reasons, and the only way to ensure that I wouldn’t be used, hunted, tortured, imprisoned or killed was to be as skilled as possible in all my magical abilities. I wanted to remain neutral, and to accomplish that required secrecy concerning my visions and dreams, and the ability to fend off anyone who wanted to use me for their own selfish purposes. To make matters worse, there had been a steady increase in the murders and disappearances of Muggles, Muggleborn witches and wizards, and those who associated with them. As not only a Seer but a Muggleborn one, I was a walking target. 

Putting my wand down several feet from me on the ledge, I drew a deep breath, reaching into myself to feel my magic. Being a Seer meant that I was already more exposed and in tune with my personal magic, which meant that it had been easier to start performing wandless magic than I’d initially thought. I focused on channelling my magic not through my wand, but through my being, imagining it as a spring bubbling up inside me. 

“ _ Accio _ ,” I spoke quietly, and sure enough, my wand flew immediately into my hand. 

I had to stop myself from getting up and doing a victory dance, but I let myself grin from ear to ear as celebration. Conjuring a flame or stirring a liquid had been easy enough, but attempting  _ accio _ had been the next step up. At least now I could light my joints at the upcoming Gryffindor party even if I were too drunk or high to remember where I had put my wand. 

  
  
  


Breakfast was in full swing in the Great Hall, and Emily, Lia, Tess and I were eating together as usual. Emily and Lia were going back and forth about what they should do to make Tess and I look presentable for the party, as I was lazy about dressing up and Tess was a tomboy. As they bickered back and forth like an old married couple, Tess and I tried to hide our snickering. 

“Em, we can’t all show up looking girly, we have to find a mix of styles so that we stand out from each other,” Lia pointed out. “What’s the use in trying to put the moves on the cute blokes that will be there if they don’t care which one of us they’d like to fuck, because we all look the same?” 

“I completely agree,” I said, putting on a very serious face and nodding my head severely. Emily rolled her eyes at me. 

“Lia, you’re talking like we’re all going to wear the same clothes. I’m just saying, which one of us dresses the most feminine and which one of us gets the most blokes?” Emily said, raising an eyebrow at all of us meaningfully. 

“All hail the Queen of getting laid by hot blokes,” I said, bowing my head mockingly before her. 

“Kersti, you’re not helping,” she replied. “Look, I’m the only one of us who’s been around Gryffindor guys before, and ladies, they aren’t like our dorky Ravenclaw boys. They prefer a more girly get up-” Lia tried to interrupt here but was cut off- “and I’m just the lady to help all of you out,” she finished. 

“Yes, Em, we get it,” Tess said. “No one else has managed to seduce all the cute blokes in Ravenclaw and Gryffindor, including Hogwarts’ official heart-throb Sirius Black.”

I chuckled into my pumpkin juice, imagining Em trying to get her claws back into Sirius like she had last year. 

“Hey, it’s not my fault that he wanted to sleep with me,” she protested. 

“Bet you want to make it happen again this Friday, Em,” Lia shot back from beside her. She usually had figuring Emily’s motives down to a science, and this morning during our boy discussion was no different. 

“Yeah, so what?”

“Why don’t you kill two birds with one stone and have a threesome?” I asked cheekily. “You, Potter, Black, what could go wrong?” 

“You mean, how many orgasms would she have,” Tess said, making us burst into laughter. 

Emily just shrugged, unperturbed. “It’s also not my fault that I have good taste in blokes. Unlike you, Kersti. You had Avery under your thumb last year, and he’s still obsessed with you this year. If a bloke that good looking is interested in you, for Merlin’s sake, don’t turn him down. I’ve heard great things about his  _ skills _ from the Slytherin girls.”

I shook my head, smiling. I couldn’t very well tell them that when Avery had asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him, I had felt for some reason that I shouldn’t go with him for my own safety. I’d later looked into his family history and discovered that he came from a long line of blood purists who hated Muggleborns, and in that case I had been very grateful to be a Seer. Not to mention that he had always made me feel fearful and uneasy. 

“No, I’d much rather watch you try to seduce all the Gryffindor boys at the party,” I replied. 

“If you want one, I’ll save you an unscathed one,” she joked, which made the rest of us laugh again. Though Emily did have a weakness for handsome wizards, at least she could joke about it.

  
  
  


It was midday and Amelia, Emily, Tess and I were sitting in Defence Against the Dark Arts, with Emily and I at a desk and Tess and Amelia behind us. I was having a hard time focusing on anything that the professor was saying because I was so tired and trying not to nod off. I was also trying to ignore Avery staring at me from the other side of the class, where he was sitting with Severus Snape. As I felt myself nodding off yet again, Emily elbowed me hard in the side and I jolted awake. 

“Thanks,” I whispered to her. She smiled and winked at me. 

Suddenly, a note flew from behind me and hit me in the side of the head. I reached out and grabbed the piece of paper which had been fashioned into an angular bird shape. I opened it to see a magical drawing of what looked to be Avery and I fucking. He was fucking me from behind and had a hand gripping my hair, pulling on it so that my head was lurched back. Avery, who had clearly drawn such a crude thing, had put a speech bubble coming from my mouth which proclaimed that I was thoroughly enjoying myself and begging him to fuck me harder. 

I made a face, feeling queasy. Why wasn’t I surprised that he would stoop that low? I showed the drawing to Emily, whose mouth fell open and stared at me in shock. She leaned to the side to look past me at Avery. I barely turned my head to look at him, but I could still see the shit-eating grin that burst onto his face and the big kiss he blew at me. Touché. I guess that I should have seen that coming. Emily giggled at Avery’s attentions directed at me, which wasn’t surprising since she thought that I was ignoring him because I was proud or a prude, or both. When it came to making connections with attractive blokes, Emily was singular in her perception of what should be done. She slept with almost any boy who was hot, no matter their shitty personalities. But then again, the Sandersons were a pureblood family (though not Muggle-hating, thank Merlin), and she didn’t have to worry about Avery’s blood purism. 

I watched as she took the opportunity to ogle Sirius Black where he was sitting with the other Marauders at the back of the class, since she was already turned his way. That girl was incorrigible, even though she was fully aware of his famous tendency to never sleep with a girl more than a few times. Maybe she’d have better luck while they were both inebriated at the party, and I could point and laugh at her with Tess.

  
  
  


After an uneventful day of classes, I opted to skip dinner with Tess and we headed to the library to do our assignments and essays. Halfway into our first hour of studying at a quiet table in the back of the library, I heard a chair being pulled back from the table and looked up to see Lily standing next to us. 

“Could I sit here?” she asked gently. 

“Of course,” I said, and tried to gather my books and parchment into a semblance of order so she didn’t have to sort through my things while writing her essays. Tess and Lily began discussing their Divination homework, which was irrelevant to me since I wasn’t in the class. I’m sure that it would have been a breeze because of being a Seer, but I was too concerned that the professor would know immediately what I was and out me as a Seer. I was like a walking, breathing, talking piece of the Divination curriculum. 

“I’m not sure what the professor wants for our essay on the art of reading tea leaves, besides the usual signs and symbols,” Tess said to Lily, scratching her head as she stared down at her half-written essay. 

“You’re right, she did mention that at the seventh year we need to go ‘above and beyond the obvious and ordinary’ but how does that apply to reading tea leaves?” Lily said, leafing through a Divination textbook. 

“Maybe we have to brew a pot of tea and read our own leaves and include that in our essays?” Tess asked. 

Just then I was distracted by whispering voices in the book aisle behind us and turned in my chair to see who it was. There was no one in sight, and neither Lily nor Tess had shown any sign of hearing the noise, which led me to believe that the culprits were most likely farther away than I thought, and that my animagus hearing had tipped me off in this case. I looked at the bookshelves behind me, narrowing my eyes. No whispering. Just then, Remus Lupin stumbled out from an aisle between the bookshelves. He nearly tripped with his sudden propulsion forward, but caught himself and turned around to glare back into the aisle where he came from. He straightened up and proceeded to walk towards our table. He met my eyes and smiled, his long stride bringing him up to us. 

“Hello Evans, Ridgelow,” he said and Lily and Theresa looked up from their homework. His eyes landed on Tess. 

“Hi, I’m Tess Rhodes,” she said, giving him a friendly smile. 

“Do you mind if I sit here as well?” he asked, glancing at all the schoolwork, textbooks, inkpots and parchment littered on the table. 

Lily smiled kindly at him. “Of course, Remus. While you’re here, can you spare the time to help us out with our Divination essays? I know that you’re in the class too and we’re having a bit of a hard time with it.”

“And we need your help specifically, because Kersti isn’t in the class and even if she were she wouldn’t help me out,” Tess said, teasing me. 

“Hey, don’t blame me. Not my fault I didn’t want to take Divination as an elective,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “I couldn’t have hoped to ever stay awake in that class.”

Lily turned to me, her green eyes twinkling as the three of them chuckled at my remark. The falling asleep incident in sixth year had given me a bit of a reputation, and my lack of sleep at night due to being a Seer had only solidified it. The three of them hadn’t been talking about the infamous Divination essay for very long when James Potter suspiciously appeared at our table, followed by Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. How did they always seem to know where Lily was? 

“Hi, Evans. Can you help me with my Divination essay too?” James asked, staring at her expectantly like a puppy dog. 

“Potter, you don’t even have Divination class,” she replied, continuing to scratch away at her parchment with her quill. 

I watched as his mouth dropped open. “You remembered that I’m not in that class with you,” he said, clearly in awe that Lily was apparently noting his presence or lack thereof in her classes. 

She looked up, and seeing his awestruck face, started blushing. “No, just a lucky guess,” she said, now intensely staring at her parchment as if it had just started talking. Still staring at her, he took her miniscule acknowledgement of his existence as the cue to sit down beside her and begin bugging her to help him with his Potions essay. Lily could try to deny her changed feelings about James Potter, but her rosy cheeks and happy smile were giving her away. I grinned. It would be funny to see their personal dynamics unfold as Lily began to come round to him, and it would be even funnier to tease her about it now that I knew her well enough to do so. 

I felt someone behind me. I turned to see Sirius leaning with a hand on the back of my chair, looking down at me. “Can I have help with my Divination essay too, love?”

I met his grey eyes, trying not to stare too hard at his perfect dark hair and how his shirt had the first few buttons undone, the tie stylishly askew. “No can do, Black. I’m not even in the class,” I replied, a sneaky smile somehow making its way onto my face. 

He smirked. “Neither am I, but I might still need your invaluable  _ assistance _ .”

I snorted, thinking about how Emily would be drooling over the position that I was in right now. She’d be ready to orgasm right then and there I’m sure. “Sorry, my  _ special assisting skills _ are out of order right now.”

He grinned even more, leaning closer to me. “Well then I’m just the one to get your  _ skills _ up and running again.”

“Try again tomorrow night when I’m drunk and high at your Gryffindor party, then you’ll probably have better luck,” I said, laughing. 

“Trust me, I will, love,” he said, but his grin gave him away. Mine did too. 

“Hey, Kersti, get over here and help me with my Potions essay, you arse,” Tess said and I turned back to see her smiling suspiciously at me. She wiggled her eyebrows. Tess and I definitely understood each other the best out of our dorm group, and we had the non-verbal communication down to an exact art. She and I were clearly thinking about how jealous and pissed Emily would be that Sirius Black was flirting with me and that I was flirting back, and that we should turn this into a game at tomorrow’s Gryffindor party to see how pissed we could make Em. 

“No, do it yourself,” I said, leaning back so my chair was balanced on its back legs, effectively causing Sirius to step back and instead take up residence in the chair next to me, lounging and twirling his wand in between his fingers. This would be a very fun game at tomorrow’s party, and it was always nice to have an accomplice. Twice the players, twice the fun. Time to stir the pot. 

I watched Remus and Tess trying to help Peter with his essay, while James and Lily bickered good-naturedly. I turned to Sirius. “So, Black, I’ve always wanted to hear from the man himself, what is the maximum number of times that you’ll sleep with the same girl?”

He turned to look at me, his cool expression giving way to a shit-eating grin that matched my own. “Depends on how many times I can get out of her.”

“Or how many times she can get out of you,” I cheekily replied. I liked his shit-eating grin much more than Avery’s. With him, I didn’t feel like I would get raped in a back alley at night, unlike with Mr. Slytherin Blood Purist. 

“Is that a challenge?” he fired back. I merely raised my eyebrows and smirked at him. Judging from his mischievous expression, the school’s heart throb wasn’t used to bantering with girls, but he sure was enjoying it. Figures that most girls would throw themselves at him like Emily. Then again, I wasn’t most girls, and my main motive was to fuck with Emily. Though, I wasn’t blind and could appreciate how stupidly handsome he was. 

“Miss Ridgelow!” 

I whipped around and saw Madam Pince storming over to our group, looking like she had just drunk a fire-breathing potion. You could practically see the steam coming out of her nose like a Rhodesian Ridgeback. 

“Oh, fuck,” I cursed under my breath, quickly shoving my shit in my bookbag. 

“I am tired of hearing your voice, which is much too loud, from my desk. Get out of my library and come back when you have re-learnt the manners that you had last year in this place of learning,” she scolded. I stood up, gave her a swift military salute, then jogged past her to the library entrance, clutching my bag. I could vaguely hear the others laughing at my prompt exit. For a day that had started out so shitty, at least making a crazy exit from the library was an improvement. 


	3. Gryffindors throw the best parties

Friday at last. I ended early every Friday, my last class being Apparition, and right now I was enjoying a doze in my four poster bed in the dormitory before Em, Lia and Tess came back from Muggle Studies. True to my animagus form, I loved a good cat nap, and on days like today when I had gotten terrible sleep the night before, they were necessary to keep me from clawing everyone around me due to grumpiness. As the September afternoon sun filtered in from the tower window and past the opening of my curtains, I snuggled deeper into my nest of blankets, yawning. Goddamn, I loved a good afternoon nap.

  
  
  


“Grindylow, you sleep like the dead,” I heard a voice say, then was promptly hit with a flying pillow. I groaned and sat up to glare at Emily who was stacking her books on the trunk at the foot of her bed. 

“Jesus Christ, Em, easy with the pillow throwing. And don’t call me Grindylow, I don’t have the patience to think about Avery right now.”

“Speaking of hot blokes,” she said, rounding on me, “I heard from Tess that you were flirting with Sirius Black the other day.” 

I raised my eyebrows at her change of topics. She took that as her cue to leap in before I could say anything. 

“Look, Kersti, I get it. But I’ll have him first and then you’ll get him second, okay?” she said, clearly miffed at me for trespassing on her hunting grounds. She took my silence as agreement and went back to putting away her school things. I smirked, happy that I got one over her yesterday. I watched as she turned her attention to her large wardrobe which was crammed full of non-school clothes and began rifling through it, only stopping when she had unearthed a black halter top with a dangerously low cut neck and matching heels. 

“Perfect,” she said, holding up the top to her chest in front of the mirror. I watched as Lia contemplated several different outfits, each one more risqué than the last, while Tess laid on her bed and gave her advice about which colours best suited her brown hair and tanned complexion. Lia eventually seemed to settle on a sparkly tank top with dark jeans and ballet flats, and then proceeded to round on Tess before she could escape and rope her into getting dressed up as well. I watched in amusement as Tess shot me a pleading look while Lia made her hold different outfits for her to try on. Clearly, it was the whole gang of us going to the Gryffindor party tonight, and not just Emily and Lia as her plus-one. 

I snuggled back under my covers, halfheartedly watching the girls get ready from my bed. Emily had long disappeared into the bathroom to do her hair and makeup, while Tess was helping Lia put a French braid in her hair. I had only been dozing for a few minutes when Emily rudely yanked my covers away, leaving me exposed. 

“Ugh, woman, calm down,” I grumbled. 

“Come on, let’s get you presentable,” was all she said, and her and Lia proceeded to drag me out of bed and into the bathroom. Half an hour later my hair was in a messy ponytail but I had somehow managed to have a say in my outfit, which was very slim fitting jeans and a blue button up shirt. They made me keep the first three buttons undone of course. While they were preoccupied with Tess and doing their makeup, I snuck back over to my bed and rolled a few joints so that I could amuse myself at the party. 

  
  
  
  


Emily had led the charge down the stairs from the dormitory, out the Ravenclaw Tower and to the Gryffindor Common Room. We were standing outside what must be the entrance, but the porthole was covered by a portrait of a very fat lady who would not shut up. She was trying to brag about her singing skills and wouldn’t let Emily tell her the password. I was already getting a headache from the moronic blabber. 

“Just let us in, bitch. We don’t fucking care about your singing,” I said from behind Emily. 

That really pissed her off and she was about to start a shouting match with me, when the portrait swung aside to let out a couple of younger Gryffindors. I could still hear the fat lady yelling at me as we made our way into the Common Room, where there was already music blaring. The room was done in the gold and crimson colours of Gryffindor, with comfy armchairs and couches throughout. Someone had moved the furniture out of the way in the middle of the room to make an impromptu dance floor, where a pile of older students were already dancing away. On the edges of the room I spied a couple of drink stations with massive buckets of alcohol. There were groups of students at the edges of the Common Room too, laughing and joking, and even a few couples kissing on the couches.

Emily was looking around, practically drooling. “Merlin, how are all the Gryffindor boys so hot,” she said, dramatically fanning her face with her hands. I saw her scanning the crowd excitedly and pointing out all the attractive blokes to Amelia, who was also getting way too excited for my liking. 

“Merlin, there’s James Potter and Sirius Black!” I heard Lia squeal, pointing them out to Emily where they were doing shots by the gigantic fireplace. They proceeded to dissolve into giggles, both of them openly staring at them from across the room. I heard Lia obsessing over James’s notorious bedhead hairstyle, which she seemed to find ridiculously sexy, while Emily was telling her about all the things she wanted to do to Sirius in part two of their sexual history. 

“Move it, you nasty fucks,” I said, pushing my way past them and skirting the dance floor to a window sill that I’d spotted across the room. I cracked the window open slightly so I could let the smoke out, sitting on the ledge and scooting back so I was leaning against the wall. I withdrew my first joint from my pocket, brought my wand up to the tip and lit it. As soon as the joint was lit enough, I brought it to my mouth and took a long drag, and the burning from the smoke in my lungs was comforting. I turned to watch the party unfolding in front of me, and let out a big stream of smoke. I saw Emily and Lia, who had bravely made their way over to James and Sirius to chat them up. They looked like they were having a good time and were already going at the drinks, no doubt at the urging of the two Marauders. Tess was sitting on a couch with a group of boys and girls, probably talking about quidditch. I had always been the lone wolf of the group, but as I quickly smoked the rest of the joint, I didn’t feel too bad about that. 

Soon I was starting my second joint, which I took a little more time to savour. After I blew out a particularly big cloud, I raised my wand and made the smoke shape itself into small tigers that chased each other around my head. I looked up at them, giggling and smiling stupidly. After I had finished my second blunt, the room seemed much more muted to me as I stared out at the dancing bodies on the dance floor, stuck in a trailing spiral of thoughts and not blinking. I could vaguely make out Lia dancing with some Gryffindor boy enthusiastically, while Emily was grinding on Sirius which made me laugh out loud. Even Tess was getting more action than me, as she was dancing with a boy. I started laughing at my position as the official group loser and hermit and pothead, and I couldn’t stop. It just seemed so funny to me. 

I don’t know how long Remus Lupin had been standing next to me, looking at me expectantly and trying to get my attention, but I did eventually recognize him. 

“Oh, hullo, Remmy. Sorry, I’ve been inside my head for the last 5 hours,” I said, but it came out garbled. 

“Ridgelow. I didn’t know that you smoked?” he asked, looking at me funny. “Is that weed?”

I met his eyes, and nodded my head vigorously. “You want any, mate?” I offered my newly-started third blunt to him. 

“No, thank you, I’m just fine.”

I turned my attention back to the joint, which had gone out while I had been talking to Remus. Bringing it back to my lips, I lit the end not with my wand, but by conjuring a flame from my fingertips wandlessly. I giggled when I got it lit again, taking a long drag. Remus’s eyebrows shot up at my blatant display of wandless magic and he looked at me curiously for a long moment. 

Suddenly I noticed something. “Hey. You’re not drinking. You’re an imposter at this party!” I accused him, poking him in the chest. 

He smiled kindly. “Someone sober has to help his friends out when they start to puke all this booze up again.”

I nodded gravely along with what he was saying, not understanding how he could be sober but also be puking on other people. I faded in and out of self awareness, staring blankly at all the drunk people partying around me. I don’t know how long it had been, but eventually Remus was talking to me again. 

“Hey. Hey, Ridgelow. I’ve got to go help Wormtail, he’s already throwing up after a couple of drinks. Don’t do anything reckless, okay?” he said, meeting my bloodshot and dry eyes. 

I nodded several times. “But I’m not the Gryffindor, I’m not reckless. You need to transfigure yourself into a Ravenclaw bloke.”

He laughed. “Just don’t do anything stupid,” he said, giving me a last look before heading off to wherever the hell  P eter the Boring Lightweight was. I watched his retreating back, but I had trouble following him with my eyes and instead went back to looking out at the party. After what felt like months of sitting on the ledge, though it hadn’t been more than ten minutes, I noticed someone approaching me. 

“Mind if I join you for a smoke, love?” Sirius said, sidling up next to me. 

“Knock yourself out,” I said, returning his grin as he looked down at me. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes, withdrawing one and sticking it in his mouth. He leaned in close to me so I could light his cigarette with my wand, but I was definitely getting more and more high by the minute and I couldn’t stop staring at his beautiful grey eyes. I was more focused on returning his stare and silly grin, and so it took me several tries to get a flame going. He leaned back against the ledge and inhaled on the cigarette and I mirrored his actions. As the smoke swirled around our heads, he turned to look at me. 

“What brings a Ravenclaw like you into a Gryffindor party?” he said, flicking the ash from the end. 

“I’m someone else’s plus one. No, that’s not right. I’m someone else’s plus three.”

“So you snuck in uninvited?” he teased. 

“Er, yeah. I guess so?” I admitted, causing him to chuckle. 

He took another long drag from the cigarette. “Not to worry, I would’ve invited you anyway, love.”

I snorted, amazed that the school’s dream boat would care if I showed up to a party in his Common Room. “You have weird taste then,” I said. I was too high to tell if the giggling was from the weed or me trying to flirt with Sirius. 

“Not in girls,” he said, smirking at me. I couldn’t help but smirk back, unable to stop myself from staring at him. The weed was definitely making me become fixated on his face, the sparkling grey eyes drawing my high brain in like a fishing lure. 

“You’re so handsome,” I said, my inhibitions vanishing out the window like the curls of smoke. 

He grinned. “You’re not the first girl to notice.” I simply stared at him, my addled brain losing focus on the conversation. I looked at him mutely as he leaned in close to me. “But it’s not often that an incredibly sexy woman like you says that to me.”

I kept right on staring at him, even as he leaned back to take another drag. Who was the sexy lady? Or was it a sexy man? Was he the sexy man? I couldn’t make heads nor tails of it. 

He turned back to face me. “Sorry, mate,” I said. “I’m high out of my fucking mind right now and can’t catch your extremely  _ suave  _ drift.”

He laughed at that, nearly choking on his cigarette smoke. “I’ll have to try again when you’re sober,” he said, and handed me his cigarette, while I handed over my joint to him and we switched poisons for a few hits. Smoking was much more fun when it was with Sirius Black, in my opinion. We continued to smoke together, and once Sirius was finished his cigarette we went back and forth taking hits from my joint. It was surprisingly easy for me to talk to him and the conversation was flowing naturally, but that could be because I was baked like a cake and he was also getting slightly high. I could definitely get used to having a smoke break buddy. I couldn’t tell how long we had been talking and puffing away together, but eventually I saw Emily walking quickly towards us. 

“Heyyyy, Sirius,” she slurred, then broke down in coughs as she tried to fan away the hazy smoke that surrounded Sirius and I. She was fanning her hands and arms so hard that she stumbled and lost her balance, and took the opportunity to lean on Sirius for support, giggling and looking up at him expectantly. I watched in disgust as she not-so-subtly felt up his chest and arms that she was clinging to, and he offered her a lazy smile and took another puff of my blunt. His half-arsed focus on her pissed her off of course, which only made her more insistent. 

“Come on, Sirius. Dance with me,” she pouted, trying to have eye sex with him at the same time. I started laughing. 

“Fuck off, you arsehole,” she turned to me, looking ready to murder me. Her angry face only made me laugh more and Sirius flashed me a half-smirk, clearly amused by Emily being a sourpuss and throwing a tantrum. “Please, Sirius. Let’s go dance. Don’t hang out with her, she’s a loser.” She pointed accusingly at me. 

I hopped off the window ledge and stood tall, giving her a Muggle military salute. “Yes, ma’am.” Sirius just laughed, handing me back my joint and flashing me his signature charming smirk and a wink as Emily dragged him off to the dance floor. I watched them retreating and then beginning to dance, Emily backing her ass onto his crotch and then wiggling against him, much to my amusement. I watched them dancing and laughed for a while, giving Sirius the occasional thumbs up which made him smile. Maybe it was just the weed talking, but I couldn’t get enough of his damn smile. 

  
  
  


Another dream, with the same feel as the last one. But in this dream, I was in a cold, dark cell. All the happiness and joy had been sucked out of me, leaving me as an empty husk of a person who would never feel happy ever again. I curled my knees tighter to my chest, trying to conserve what little body heat I had, even as the cold stone of the prison sapped it away. I looked down at my hands, which were filthy and shaking, the fingernails long and jagged. I could feel that I had been in this prison for many years and that the despair that I would never get out was a constant storm cloud above my head. I felt a deep and unsettling chill go through my frail body, just before one of my guards passed by the cell bars. I barely glanced up, but it was enough to remind me of the nature of the prison guards. After so many years, I couldn’t look at them anymore for fear they’d make me unable to feel anything happy ever again. They were tall, cloaked and floated above the ground. If you were unlucky enough, you might even catch a glimpse of what was underneath the ragged cloaks that they wore: a skeletal, skinless body; a gaping mouth; and no eyes. I started to shake as the guard lingered longer outside my cell door, trying to sniff out any positive memories that might remain in me. 

  
  
  
  


I felt my body shudder violently and my eyes flew open, the terrifying dream disappearing from view. I must have decided to lay down after I finished the third joint, because I had fallen asleep on one of the couches in the Gryffindor Common Room. It was still dark outside, with only the candles and fireplace providing light. There were only a few other people who had crashed on the couches like me, and they were all fast asleep. I got up from the couch, massaging my temples as a headache threatened to blow up. I grabbed my wand and tiptoed out of the Common Room, running away from the fat lady before she could begin yelling at me. 

I burst outside into one of the courtyards, the night air cooling the sweat on my body. I took off running, not stopping to rest until I was at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. I could feel the dream still lingering with me, the sadness clinging to me like cobwebs that I couldn’t seem to shake. I hadn’t dreamt of something that would happen to me, I had been seeing the prison cell through someone else’s eyes, but I could sense that this person’s suffering was somehow tied to me, that I was invested in this person’s happiness. 

I turned to the forest and transformed, tired of dwelling on my ever-confusing and upsetting Seer dreams. I felt my limbs extending, tail growing, ears appearing and fur sprouting all over my body. When the transformation was done, I shook my head and licked at one of my massive front paws, which was a dusky orange colour that continued all along my body. I had the black stripes of course, and in every physical aspect I could be mistaken for a true tiger. I shook my big head, stretched my mouth with its massive canines in a yawn, and then took off at a run into the forest. 


	4. Nighttime confrontation

I felt the sun first, before I even opened my eyes. It was warm and comforting as it filtered through the tree cover, creating shifting dapples on the pine-needle forest and on my long, furry body. My eyes flickered open and I got up, letting out a rumbling purr and doing a big stretch. The birds were just beginning to chirp and there was still a touch of the night’s coldness in the air, and I gave my tiger body a big shake to rid my coat of all the pine needles and dirt that I’d picked up from sleeping on the ground. In true cat form, I sat on my haunches and took a minute to groom myself before I got up and stalked off. My mind was much more peaceful now than last night when I had had the Seer dream. The forest around me was full of scents, sounds and sights that I wouldn’t pick up on in my human form, and when I walked through the forest like this, I felt more animal than human; therefore, I could leave all my human worries behind. 

A few hours later, I drew close to the edge of the forest, and I stayed behind a large tree as I transformed. I quickly brushed off my robes and tidied my hair, and then set off across the grounds for Hogwarts. My black school shoes scuffed along the stone floor as I made my way towards the Great Hall which was half-full of students at the House benches, and the professor’s bench was full of tired adults sipping their morning coffees and teas. I meandered down to the Ravenclaw table and spotted Tess and Lia sitting together. 

“Morning, ladies,” I said as I plunked myself down beside Tess. “Where’s Emily?”

Lia smiled at me. “Hi, Kersti. I think she’s still in bed sleeping, she’s probably very hungover.” 

“You lot went hard last night, I guess?” I said, pouring myself a cup of tea and grabbing a muffin. Tess laughed through a mouthful of porridge and Lia chuckled nervously. 

“We did, although in my defence Em was hitting the drinks much harder than me,” Lia replied. 

“Well, from what I saw when we first walked in, I think you also had to be drinking pretty heavily to sustain a conversation with James Potter,” I said. Lia turned red and Tess laughed, choking on her food. 

“It was actually Emily’s idea to talk to them. And then once we were there, they offered us drinks and I took one,” Lia said, meeting my eyes shyly. 

“Don’t worry, I know that,” I said. “Just poking fun at you. If Em were here she’d be getting the majority of the teasing.”

Lia smiled. She always took teasing too seriously. “I’m not seriously interested in James Potter anyway,” she said. “I know that he’s got his sights set on Lily Evans.” 

“So do all the other girls at Hogwarts, but that isn’t stopping them from ogling him in class,” Tess said, making Lia and I chuckle. The two most mischievous Marauders were definitely the most popular students at Hogwarts. 

“Enough about me, did you just leave after you had a smoke break, Kersti? Or did nothing interesting happen to you?” Lia asked me. 

I shrugged but Tess beat me to it. “She was having a good flirt with Sirius Black, Lia. Takes one to know one.”

Lia looked at me with wide eyes, clearly interested. “Really? Why didn’t you say something? How’d it go?”

I sighed, giving Tess the stink eye. “I wasn’t trying to flirt with him, if that’s what you mean. I was just very high last night and he happened to show up and start talking to me.” Lia didn’t look convinced, and Tess was trying to smother her laughter in her palm. “Look, why would I be so  _ boring _ as to go for the most sought-after bloke at Hogwarts?”

Lia shrugged. “Because he’s great in bed? There’s a reason he’s the school’s heart-throb, I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to have a roll in the sheets with him.” Tess broke down in a fit of giggles at this 

“Maybe, but either way I don’t want Emily’s sloppy seconds.”

“Well, you’re not wrong there,” Tess spoke up, having gained enough composure to speak. All three of us winced and shared a look of disgust. It wasn’t very appealing to anyone, I’d imagine, to sleep with someone that your friend and roommate had already gotten to first. “She was all over him last night.”

“Yuck. I saw that for myself,” I said, totally grossed out thinking about Emily fucking Sirius. 

“If you ask me, she was too clingy and overdoing it,” Lia said thoughtfully. 

“Don’t say that, Lia! You’ll get us killed!” Tess said, pretending to look around in paranoia. 

“She’s already after me for interfering, so I guess we’re all going to our graves. Might as well accept it now and cut our losses,” I said, tutting at them and shaking my head. We all had a laugh at that, even though Emily was in fact quite dangerous when it came down to it. She certainly hadn’t gotten ranked as Hogwarts’ top dueller for nothing. 

  
  
  


The weekend passed by quickly, mostly because I spent the majority of my time in the Forbidden Forest, stalking through the undergrowth and sleeping under the cover of bushes that hid my large striped form. I didn’t have any new dreams or visions, thankfully. I had never gotten them while sleeping or wandering around in my tiger form, and I knew that I was luckier than most Seers in this respect. Many of them lived in constant fear of having a vision, and had no haven to escape the prophetic powers that they were slaves to. Seers had such a high rate of going insane, and so far becoming an animagus had probably held most of the insanity at bay for me. I did think over the two dreams that I’d had, but neither of the locations were ones that I’d ever been to before. I could recognize the second dream as being a glimpse of a prisoner in Azkaban, but the person’s identity was still a mystery. I might learn their identity in time, or I might not. There was no way to know. 

It was Wednesday after lunch, and I was in Transfiguration class. Classes after lunch were the worst for me, because I always got the most sleepy right after eating a big meal. There was nothing more that I wanted to do than stretch out in the sun and have a cat nap, but Professor McGonagall would have my head if I tried to walk out right now. Lily, ever the good student, was sitting next to me furiously scribbling notes on her piece of parchment and tactfully ignoring James Potter who had conveniently dragged his group over to the desks across the aisle from me and Lily. Not surprising, since the Marauders always managed to sit across or next to wherever Lily Evans was. 

I was distracted from the lesson by two folded paper cranes that floated through the air, silently flapping their thin paper wings, before landing on mine and Lily’s desk, one in front of each of us. I nudged Lily with my elbow and she looked up, confusion on her face as she looked at the paper crane that was pecking at her quill. She exchanged a look with me as we watched the two cranes strutting across our desk. Lily slowly unfolded hers, read what was written on it, and then she started blushing madly, her cheeks turning the colour of her hair. I leaned over and glimpsed a gross love note written to “my beautiful Lily-flower” from James. I was trying to get a better look at what the note actually said so that I could tease her about it later, but my paper crane started incessantly pecking at my hand, demanding to be opened. I quickly opened the crane and read the note: 

To the Most Incredibly Sexy Kersti Ridgelow, 

Slughorn is fat, 

McGonagall’s dress is blue, 

Smoking is fun, 

Can I go to Hogsmeade with you? 

I promise I’ll make it worth your while ;) 

xx Sirius 

I turned my head to look at James and Sirius, who were sitting across from Lily and I, while Peter and Remus were in the row behind them. James was craning his neck in an effort to see Lily’s reaction to his note, and his arse was so far out of his seat that I was surprised McGonagall hadn’t noticed yet. I looked past him to Sirius, who was balancing his chair on its back legs. He noticed me looking at him, and turned to look at me. Sirius flashed me a devilish smirk and a wink, running a hand through his long hair. I gave him a look, trying to hold back my laughter. I turned back to Lily, who was fiddling with the note and staring down at it. I wasn’t a Gryffindor like the rest of them, so I couldn’t watch the other interactions that James and Lily had outside of class, and I also wasn’t a prefect. Maybe they were taking lots of romantic midnight patrols through the castle. Whatever the reason, they had become closer since last year and Lily was definitely reciprocating James’s feelings now.

Eventually the class finished, and I pocketed the note from Sirius and gathered up my belongings. Lily was still quiet and mulling over something, most likely James’s note, so I decided to leave her in peace when we walked to the next class, instead walking by myself. Emily, Tess and Lia were in my next class with me, and I figured that I could meet them there. 

“Did you like my note, love?” Sirius said, coming up beside me, his hands in his pockets and his uniform shirt rolled up to his elbows. 

“It’s a lot better than receiving dirty notes from Avery in Defence Against the Dark Arts,” I said, trying not to stare at Sirius’s forearms as we walked. 

“If you wanted me to send you naughty flying notes in class, you could have just asked,” he said, giving me his grin that made girls everywhere swoon. 

I met his mischievous gaze and shrugged. “At least you made your poem rhyme and got McGonagall’s dress colour right.” I sure as hell wouldn’t be like Emily and act desperate around him. 

“I aim to please. Is that a yes or a yes for Hogsmeade?”

I pretended to roll my eyes in exasperation and sigh. “I suppose that yes, it is a yes,” I said. We both looked at eachother and dissolved into laughter. Sirius Black definitely wasn’t what I had always thought him to be; it seemed like we had more in common than I had assumed. Just then, Lily caught up to me and the other Marauders caught up to Sirius, so now it was one big happy family apparently. I watched as James stared straight at Lily as we walked, causing him to collide with a suit of armour which fell over with a loud clatter. Sirius and I broke out into laughter at James lying on the stone floor amongst various pieces of body armour, laughing so hard that Sirius started coughing, while I wiped tears from the corner of my eyes. Lily rushed over to James, helping him up and waving her wand quickly, making the suit right itself. Remus watched on, smiling and shaking his head, while Peter moved to James to ask if he was okay. 

“Never fear, Wormtail, I’m just fine. A measly suit of armour won’t take me down,” James said, brushing the dust from his robes. 

“Actually, it did take you down, and did a good job of it I might add,” I quipped. James gave me an annoyed look and Sirius let out a bark of laughter. Lily just shook her head, brushing debris from the arm of James’s robe. 

“Let’s just go before we make ourselves later for class,” she said. James gave her a longing look, a big smile on his face. 

“Yes, my Lilykins,” he said, making her turn beet red. She nervously tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear. 

“I told you to stop calling me that, Potter,” she said as they turned to continue walking to Potions, while the rest of us fell in behind them. We somehow arrived on time to the dungeons, where the other seventh-years were waiting for Slughorn outside Potions class. I saw Emily, Tess and Lia waiting against the wall, probably for me. Emily and Lia looked up from their conversation when Tess pointed me out to them, and I watched as Lia’s mouth fell open at who I was walking to class with, while a cold expression took over Emily’s face. She straightened up, tucked her blonde bob behind her ear and strode over to me. 

“Grindylow,” she greeted me, her face hard. I just shrugged and gave her a cheeky smile. She turned from me to Sirius, who was standing to my right, hands in his pockets and talking to Remus and Peter. 

“Hello, Sirius,” she said, smiling and looking up at him. 

He looked at her, a half-smile shaping his lips. “Sanderson.” 

“Thanks for the party invite, Gryffindor parties are the best. Will you be having another one?”

Sirius shrugged and nodded towards James, who was talking with Lily while she tried to ignore him. “Ask James, I don’t plan.” 

Emily frowned but quickly replaced it with a smile. “I was hoping I could see you at the next one,” she said, looking up at him through her lashes and placing an arm on his. I cringed and squirmed, feeling uncomfortable. Sure, Sirius had slept with her again at the last party, but her flirting with him didn’t deny the fact that he didn’t seem to be all that interested in her. It was probably because sleeping with her a third time would violate his rule of not getting attached to one particular girl, Merlin forbid. I walked away to talk to Tess, greatly preferring listening to Tess rant about how Ravenclaw was destined to win the Quidditch cup this year over watching Emily trying to flirt with a disinterested Sirius Black. And if anyone thought that I left because I was jealous, they could go fuck themselves. I had to admit that I did like the attention, but ultimately I found my interactions with Sirius to be funny and highly entertaining. I was too much of a Ravenclaw to ignore the fact that it was all a ploy to get into my pants, because I was a novelty to him, seeing as we had never slept together. He never started anything serious with a girl, and that was fine because I was too busy wrestling with my visions and dreams, and prowling the Forbidden Forest at night, trying in vain to run away from being a Seer. 

  
  
  
  


The light of the full moon shone down on the treetops and a few rays managed to pierce the canopy, providing a little light for me to walk by. I padded past trees, my large paws making no sound on the forest floor. Walking and keeping on the move seemed to help quiet my mind and I was glad again for such a large forest on the Hogwarts grounds that I could walk through. My tail and head drooped from tiredness, and my whole body was feeling the past few nights when I had gotten little sleep while I had tossed and turned in my four poster bed. I really needed to swipe ingredients from Slughorn’s supply so I could make a potion for Dreamless Sleep, although it might not even work. I took a moment to stretch my limbs, giving myself a shake to dispel some of the exhaustion that plagued me. I looked up through a hole in the forest canopy, seeing a colony of bats flying overhead, making their clicking and squeaking sounds which I could only hear in my animagus form. Life as a Seer was lonely, especially when the threat of a major Wizarding World conflict was growing and I had to isolate myself for my own protection. I couldn’t be betrayed if I lived alone and if no one knew what I was, but on nights like tonight I wished that I could be a normal witch. My loneliness surrounded me, pressing down on me where I stood like the heavy darkness of the forest. I walked on. 

In the distance, I heard a racket. It shocked me out of my stupor and I paused mid stride to listen to the noises. It was unlike anything I’d heard before; I could make out the sounds of animals, but not much more and not which kinds of beasts. I took off at a trot, heading towards the sounds, and I slowed to a silent walk as I came near to where the noises were coming from. I didn’t want to reveal my presence until I could get an idea of what I might be intruding upon. I neared a clearing in the woods from the South, creeping behind brush and trees until I could see what was going on. The noises were vicious, and I could hear the snarling and growling of a wolf and the snapping of jaws. I came up behind a large tree that stood right on the edge of the clearing and peered out from behind it to get a visual on whatever was causing the racket. 

I would have been more surprised by what I saw if I hadn’t been an animagus myself. I saw first a looming, tall creature, with a long body and limbs. It was wolf-like, but it differed in its upright posture and human-like body structure, and it had short grey fur and a long muzzle filled with sharp teeth. It was clearly a werewolf, but a werewolf on the Hogwarts grounds wasn’t surprising to me, as I had heard howling before during full moons, albeit from much farther away. What surprised me were the other creatures in the clearing that were fighting with the werewolf. 

I knew that the animals fighting the werewolf weren’t truly animals, but animagi. My eyes landed first on a stag, tall and proud, as he bounded around the werewolf, ramming his antlers into its side. I watched as the stag worked to counter a nasty swipe from the werewolf, using his wiry legs to spring out of the reach of its long claws, only to come bounding back again to land another hit with his antlers. I turned my eyes from the stag to the other creature that was fighting the werewolf. It was a massive black dog, bigger than any canine I’d seen before. He was taking the brunt of the attacks from the werewolf, which wasn’t surprising considering that a dog was much more evenly matched in a fight with a werewolf. I watched as the black dog countered the werewolf’s blows, matching it with his own teeth and claws. However, I could see that the dog and the stag were outmatched together. The werewolf was much stronger and taller, and it could tower above them and rain blows down before they could get out of the way. I watched as the dog tried to attack it, but the werewolf swiped him with his claws before he could get near. The stag countered by charging it from the side, and I felt sick as I watched it hit the stag so hard that he was thrown back onto his side. 

In horror, I saw the werewolf round on the black dog and the two met in a loud clash of snarls and snapping of jaws. Using its superior height, it slashed at the dog and drew blood, before knocking him back. The black dog landed a few paces away from the werewolf and tried to get up. I could see his sides rising and falling quickly, but he could not rise and fell back down, lying still. His sides were matted with blood and dirt, several long gashes cutting through the black fur. The werewolf began to approach the dog where he lay, whining and trying to get up, only to fall back down again. I realized that I had to do something, or else the werewolf would kill the animagus. 

I dashed out from behind the tree, running the short distance that stood between my hiding spot and where the black dog was lying. I carefully leapt over the dog and stood between him and the werewolf. The werewolf paused, seeing me, and I let out a long, rumbling growl from deep in my throat, my lips curling up to reveal my mouth full of long, sharp teeth. It was a warning, and it meant that anyone who ignored it would be in for a fight. 

The werewolf waited for a moment on its back legs, sniffed the air, and looked at me with its light eyes. It decided that I wasn’t a threat and continued to approach, its jaw hanging open, panting and dribbling saliva on the ground. Time to make my stance clearer, then.

I stood my ground in front of the black dog, making eye contact with the werewolf, and let out a deafening roar that shook the ground with its vibrations. I continued to growl, my tail twitching, as the werewolf stopped and looked at me. I heard the dog whine behind me, and this seemed to be too tempting for the werewolf to heed my loud warning. It reared up on its hind legs, opened its maw wide and roared back at me, spit flying from its mouth. So it chose a fight then. So be it. It wasn’t taking me seriously, and I would prove that choice to be a big mistake. 

Before the werewolf could make a move, I leapt at it, my claws unsheathed. I caught it by surprise and sunk my teeth into its left arm while I reached out my forelegs to claw its body. It let out a howl of pain and anger, turning to bite me. I dodged to the side and avoided its attack, my teeth still sunk into its arm. I dragged the werewolf away from the dog by its arm, but it managed to give a great heave and throw me off, though I landed on my feet a few paces away and charged back to it as it tried to continue its approach towards the dog animagus. Using my powerful back legs, I launched myself up and landed with my forelegs on the werewolf’s back, while I balanced on my hind legs. I angled my head to the side and scruffed its neck, my jaw latching onto the fur. With a yank, I pulled the werewolf down onto its back, where it lay exposed and flailing its long limbs in an attempt to catch me with its claws or its snapping jaw. It was very pissed off now, and was ready to kill me instead of the black dog. Good. That meant that my plan was working. 

I had to let go of the werewolf when it tried to bite me, its teeth nearly grazing my neck, but I quickly pounced on it again with my claws and teeth. It snarled at me and I didn’t get out of the way in time. Its claws landed on my side, ripping into me and leaving three long gashes which started oozing blood. Apparently losing interest in fighting me, it turned to leap towards the dog, who hadn’t moved since I had started fighting the werewolf. It was just within clawing distance of the black dog, when I ran from behind and sank my teeth into its back leg, my teeth burying into the leg muscles and my jaw closing around the limb. The werewolf let out a pained yelp and tried to turn to claw at me, but I yanked back on the leg and it fell on the forest floor. I was preparing to spring back onto the werewolf, but it quickly yanked the leg out of my grasp, picked itself up and ran away into the forest. 

I listened to the retreating noises of the werewolf and stood in shock in the clearing. I could feel the werewolf’s blood dripping down my chin, and my mouth must be covered in blood. I could feel the cuts on my side stinging and dripping blood onto the forest floor. Over the sound of my panting breath, I heard footsteps and looked up to see the stag going over to the black dog, who was stretched out just as before. The dog sat up when the stag came to look at him, and fixed me with a stare. I snapped out of my trance. I couldn’t let them see who I was, I couldn’t trust them. I whipped around, digging my claws into the soft earth, and took off at a furious pace towards where I had last heard the werewolf. I used my sense of smell to track it down, and soon enough I could hear the running footfalls of the werewolf. After the havoc that I had wreaked on it, even if it had been to stop the other animagi from being killed, I felt obligated to make sure that I hadn’t unintentionally dealt a killing blow to it. Maybe I could help the werewolf heal from the wounds that I had inflicted on it, and if it were a student who was the werewolf, all the more reason to. 

The werewolf’s footfalls stopped, and I slowed to a walk, swiveling my ears to catch any sound of it. I heard it cry out and then fall silent, and as I rounded a tree I saw it lying on the ground. I watched as the werewolf’s form faded to that of an ordinary boy, who was naked and shivering on the ground. I could see the blood dripping from the wounds I had inflicted, though thankfully it seemed like I hadn’t done any serious damage in my defense of the animagus. The boy began to shake and cry, curling his arms around himself as if he had been broken into pieces and trying to keep them all together. I sank my head down, wishing I could make it better. I was no stranger to being cursed with an ability that was unasked for. 

I padded over to the boy, leaning down to lick at his wounds. He tried to scramble away, but seeing that I was trying to help him and overcome by exhaustion, he curled up again into a ball. I recognized him as Remus Lupin, and my heart ached anew for a fellow student who had to bear the weight of a terrible curse. I lowered my gaze to give him some privacy, and set to licking the bite that I had given him on his calf.

I had managed to staunch the flow of blood on the bite when I heard a loud crashing sound behind us, growing nearer. I sprung away from Remus, backing up a few paces and getting ready to run or fight. I pricked my ears towards the sound as it grew louder and louder. Suddenly, the stag and the black dog slid to a stop next to Remus Lupin, and as soon as they saw him they transformed. I watched in fascination as none other than James Potter and Sirius Black morphed from the stag and dog, kneeling down next to Remus to check him over worriedly. I saw a rat scurry after them, giving way to Peter Pettigrew. So, all three of them were animagi. I figured that they must have become animagi to stay with Remus during the full moons, as no other explanation would add up in their case. Unlike me, they had become unregistered animagi for the sake of their friend, while I had done so for selfish purposes. They had each other during their times spent in their animal forms, while I had no one and roamed the woods alone. 

I watched as James stood up from where Remus was lying, while Sirius and Peter helped bandage the bite marks and scratches on his body and get him into some clothes. James’s eyes landed on me and his face twisted in anger, the mouth set in a frown and jaw clenched. He strode over to me and raised his wand, pointing it at my feline face, though he left a few feet between us. 

“I know you’re an animagus too, you can’t hide from me. Shift back now or I’ll make you!” he yelled at me, looking me dead in the eye. I looked back at him with my yellow tiger eyes, sizing up his rigid posture and thunderous expression. He looked ready to kill me with his bare hands. I had no doubt that James was very protective of his werewolf friend, and I was clearly a threat. I might as well try to keep the peace before he hexed or jinxed me into next year. I shook my massive furry head and met his eyes, and then transformed back. And there I was, standing in the Forbidden Forest in my robes, pain darting through my side from Remus’s claw marks, face to face with a furious James Potter. 

As soon as I had transformed back, James charged me, pinning me against a tree trunk with his wand tip pointed at my throat. He was so close that I could see my reflection in his glasses. An ugly, mean expression took over his face. 

“Well, if it isn’t the sneaky Grindylow,” he snarled. “I never took you for a sneaking spineless coward, but I’m not surprised.”

I stared at him, blinking slowly. He really was an insufferable asshole, nearly as bad as Avery if you asked me. No wonder he had had a hard time getting Lily to like him. What the fuck had she started seeing in him this year?

My silence and stare only served to piss him off more. He jabbed his wand into the soft skin of my throat. “Speak, you dumb cunt!” he demanded. At his insult, I saw Sirius’s head jerk up from Remus’s wounds to look at us. I watched as he frowned and furrowed his eyebrows, meeting my gaze. A jab at my throat dragged my eyes back to James who towered over me. I shouldn’t have interfered at all if this were all the thanks that I would be getting for my interventionist efforts. 

I looked James dead in the eye, feeling my anger flaring up. James had no idea who he was messing with. “Next time your werewolf is about to kill your best mate,” I snarled, pointing past him to Sirius, “I won’t step in and I’ll let him die!” I shoved James away hard, making him stumble. Rage consumed me, rolling over me like a wave. I spun on my heel and transformed into my tiger form, and I was so angry that I ignored my clothes and trying to bring them with me intact, and instead I shredded them as my body grew and changed shape. I shook off the tattered remnants of my robes and took off like a banshee into the forest. I ran faster and faster, stretching out my body and leaping over fallen trees in my way until I couldn’t run any longer. I walked, my breath eventually slowing, and when I found a shallow groove beneath the low-hanging branches of a pine tree, I curled up under the cover of the branches to sleep for however long I needed to, even though the moon had set a while ago. Fucking stupid boys. 


	5. Bad animal puns and Hogsmeade dates

Sometime after noon, I woke up in my nest of pine needles under the branches. Before I even moved I could feel how much my body was aching from the pummeling it had taken last night during my fight with Remus. I was sorely regretting getting involved with the Marauders’ fight, not because I had just slept through my morning classes, but because the cuts that Remus had given me were stinging like hell, and the last thing I needed was the extra stress. I supposed that James had already put out a reward this morning for bringing him my head on a silver platter. We were also involved in each others’ dirty secrets now, as I knew about Remus being a werewolf and them being animagi, while they also knew that I was an animagus. Thank Merlin that they didn’t know that I was a Seer. 

Still, it was a less than ideal circumstance that they knew that I was an animagus like them too, and that I was roaming the Forbidden Forest at night. It was the lesser of two evils that they knew that fact but not my Seer abilities. But I wished that four classmates whom I didn’t know very well were in the total dark about me. It was always safer that way. I didn’t think that any of them would object to me being Muggleborn, but they would most certainly have something to say about me being an unregistered animagus. And they might start asking tricky questions about why I had chosen to become an animagus in the first place. 

I got up and made my way back to the school grounds, pausing to retrieve my wand where I’d hidden it on the edge of Hagrid’s vegetable garden. Thankfully no one was around and I could transfigure myself some robes after I transformed back, just until I could get back to the dormitory to put on my other set. I didn’t exactly want to walk through the halls butt-ass naked. Once I was decent, I ran across the grounds and up to the castle, and sprinted up to the Ravenclaw tower. I quickly changed, checked the time, and took a look at my class schedule. If I left right now, I could catch up with my classmates heading to Defence Against the Dark Arts and blend right in. 

I caught up with some other Seventh years in the hallways and followed them down to D.A.D.A. The three claw marks from Remus were stinging, but it wasn’t anything unmanageable, especially since I’d taken the time to bandage them before I left the dormitory. I’d have to read up on whether wounds inflicted by a werewolf required any special treatment tonight. 

As I entered the classroom, I spotted Lia and Emily sitting together, with Tess occupying the desk behind them by herself. I started to make my way over to sit next to Tess, when I was distracted by voices to my right. I turned my head to the source of the noise and locked eyes with Sirius, who was sitting with James and Peter at their desk. I saw Peter cringe visibly when he saw me regarding their group, looking panicked. Remus must be in the Hospital Wing recovering from the night’s activities. Sirius was looking at me with those gorgeous grey eyes of his, and opened his mouth to say something when James noticed me and stood up in a rush, looking seriously pissed off. I raised an eyebrow and fixed him with a haughty look at his clenched fists. What a pretentious wanker, getting mad at me for saving his best friend’s life and stopping his other friend from becoming a murderer. I flipped him off and turned on my heel, my robes and hair swaying with the force. I stalked over to Tess and plunked down my books on the desk, sliding onto the bench next to her. She looked up in surprise from her quidditch magazine. 

“Hi, Kersti. Where were you this morning?” she asked. 

“Hello, Tess, sorry, I was talking with Hagrid about helping him de-gnome his vegetable patch,” I replied, rummaging in my bookbag for my textbook and parchment. The girls knew how good I was in Care of Magical Creatures class and how I often helped Hagrid, the groundskeeper, out with all the magical creatures that he had a penchant for adopting. A very feasible excuse. 

Before Tess could start talking to me about quidditch, Emily and Lia turned around to face Tess and I. 

“Kersti, I missed you at breakfast. I even missed your relentless teasing,” Lia said, giving me a kind smile. 

I laughed. “There’s no way you missed my teasing,” I said, making a face at her. 

“You did miss Avery looking longingly over at us, wondering where you were,” Emily said. 

“I can guarantee you that he was just bummed that he couldn’t prank me over my morning tea,” I said, chuckling at the memory of the pumpkin juice prank. 

“I think he was more bummed that he couldn’t stare at your  _ bum _ as you ate breakfast,” she said, making Lia, Tess and I laugh. I saw Emily look behind me, furrowing her eyebrows. “And why are James Potter and Sirius Black staring at you?” 

I coughed several times, trying to hide my surprised reaction. “I’m sure they’re just staring at you and Lia,” I said. Thankfully the professor entered and saved me from having to answer any more questions from Emily, who was giving me strange looks. 

  
  
  
  


Later that day, I opted to skip dinner and instead headed to the Infirmary to see if Remus was there. I snuck up quickly to the door and listened to see if Madam Pomfrey was inside. Hearing nothing, I slowly pushed the door open and stuck my head in. The window curtains were all drawn and some candles were lit, but there was no Matron in sight. I saw a lone patient lying on a far bed, so I closed the door behind me silently and tiptoed over to the sleeping figure. I was right, and it was in fact Remus Lupin lying bandaged in the hospital bed. He was asleep, and I didn’t want to wake him, so I took up residence in the chair next to his bed. I curled my knees up to my chest, feeling like shit. Yes, I had saved Sirius’s life by interfering, but I could’ve held myself back more from doing as much damage as I did to Remus. Why did I always get carried away by my own personal well of chaos? 

I had been sitting in the chair for half an hour, dozing on and off, when I saw Remus start to shift in his bed and then wake up, blinking and rubbing at his eyes. 

“Kersti? What are you doing here?” he asked, sitting up and leaning against the headboard. I shook myself out of my doze and turned to face him in my chair. 

“Remus. I’m here because, well...uh…” I sighed and scrubbed my face with my hands, and then looked back up at him. “I’m sorry for last night. I really could’ve handle things better, I went too hard on you, I-” 

Remus cut me off, shaking his head. “No, Kersti, thank you for stepping in. Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail told me what happened, which helped to fill in the gaps of my broken pieces of memory.” He looked at me, his eyes kind but tired. “I’m confident that you saved Padfoot’s life when you did what you did.”

I met his gaze, but all I could feel was my overwhelming sense of sadness. I hung my head. “I could’ve been gentler about things, though. There was no need to bite you.”

Remus smiled. “Don’t worry about me, Kersti. The boys brought me lots of Honeydukes’ chocolate earlier, which is very effective in counteracting the effects of my . . . condition.”

I looked at him, frowning. “That’s not an effective treatment for lycanthropy, Remus.”

“Well, it certainly distracts me from it, and I think there’s something to be said for that.”

I sighed. I suppose that there was also the elephant in the room to address. I looked up to meet his soft gaze. “I promise that I won’t tell anyone about your condition, Remus. I can take an Unbreakable Vow if you want me to, and I’m no stranger to keeping big things secret.”

Remus shook his head, and then looked at me thoughtfully. “There’s no need, Kersti. I don’t know you very well but I trust you. After all, what choice do we really have?”

I laughed bitterly. “I suppose you’re right. You do know I’m an animagus, which you could use against me. We’re bound by our shared secrets, I guess.” Though it was omitting my biggest secret, and my animagus ability was in the end a by-product of me being a Seer. 

“I don’t think that we’ll have to resort to that,” Remus assured me. I met his gaze and gave him a small smile. How did someone so gentle and kind deserve to be plagued by such a curse? At least in my case I was nasty enough to justify having the burden of being a Seer. I deserved to bear the pain of seeing in the future, but Remus didn’t deserve to suffer like this. 

Remus yawned and rubbed at his eyes again, and I realized that dinner was probably done by now and that I needed to get out of here before Madam Pomfrey or the Marauders returned. I had no patience to deal with James’s douchery right now. “I should go now, Remus, but I hope you feel better soon,” I said and rose from the chair. 

“I’ll be right as rain in no time,” he said. “And thank you, Kersti, for stepping in. I’m sure that Prongs will come around to you being involved. He’s always been very protective of me, ever since they found out about my condition, and I know that he means well.” 

I gave him a small smile. “I know.” I gave him a last look before I walked quickly back to the door and slipped out into the hallway. 

  
  
  
  


The next morning I got up early to find materials in the library that would tell me whether I needed to treat the werewolf scratches with anything specific. The library wasn’t exactly a hotspot for students sneaking in or out after or before hours, not like the Commons Rooms or the Prefects’ bath, which meant that the library door could be unlocked with a simple  _ alohomora _ charm. I snuck in, no Madam Pince in sight, and crept through the bookshelves. By the time I had combed through several sources and concluded that there was a simple spell to help the claw marks heal, it was breakfast time in the Great Hall. I had to get out of the library anyway, before the Pincer showed up and beat me with a dusty book. 

I rubbed my eyes, stifling yet another yawn as I neared the noisy Great Hall for breakfast. I really needed to get some more sleep. I was turning into one of those zombies from the Muggle movies I’d seen. Breakfast was in full swing in the Great Hall, full of the chatter and laughter of students as they talked over their morning meal. I shot a cursory glance at the Slytherin table and saw Avery, Mulciber and Snape talking with some other Slytherin Seventh years. Good. I didn’t think that my temper could handle a run in with Avery this morning, and all I wanted to do was have a big breakfast to stop me from being hangry. I quickly walked through the entrance and I was starting to make my way over to the Ravenclaw table, when a voice caught my attention. 

“Hey, Ridgelow!” I turned to whomever had called my name and saw Remus waving at me from the Gryffindor table. I debated pretending not to have heard him, but there’s no way I could fake that now that I had made eye contact with him, and it would also be rude. I really didn’t want to deal with James when I was this hangry, but oh well. Too late now. I strode over to the Gryffindor table, hoping that Emily hadn’t noticed me either.

“Hello, Lupin,” I said when I got to the table, hiking my bookbag strap up my shoulder. He was looking much better today than he had yesterday evening. “I see that the chocolate really helped you out?” 

Remus smiled. “Always does.” 

“I wish they served chocolate for breakfast,” Peter mumbled, staring down morosely at his bowl of fruit. 

“Best not to for your health, Wormtail. You might pass too early, and then who would help us with the Whomping Willow?” Sirius joked. “Ridgelow,” he said, looking up from the other side of the table to greet me. 

James coughed loudly, stabbing at his pancakes with excessive amounts of force. “Grindylow,” he said between overexaggerated coughs. I took the liberty of not acknowledging him, the arrogant prick. I looked up and saw Lily waving at me from farther down the table where she was sitting with some other girls in our year, and I waved back to her and offered her a smile. 

“How does a Gryffindor party this Friday sound to you?” Sirius asked, drawing my attention back to the boys. I met his steady gaze, realizing that he was talking to me. 

“Sounds like a bloody good time,” I replied, returning his grin. 

“Consider yourself invited, then,” he said, flashing me that classic womanizing smile that would make girls like Emily instantly drop their panties. The effect was definitely marred by James who rolled his eyes and took another stab at his stack of pancakes. 

“Padfoot, you have such bad taste in girls,” he retorted. 

“And Lily has bad taste in boys, but we’re not keeping track, are we?” I said and gave him a nasty smile. 

“Careful, Ridgelow, Evans is off limits to anyone’s commentary,” Sirius said, but his smirk gave him away. James and Sirius definitely seemed to harbour a friendship that included poking fun at each other. 

James stared at me, looking ripe to explode now. Good riddance. “Too bad. See you in class,” I said, my back already turned, flipping James off from behind me. My stomach was rumbling and I didn’t want to miss getting some food before breakfast ended. Gryffindor boys could wait. 

  
  


I made it through Ancient Runes with Lily, History of Magic with the girls, and Care of Magical Creatures by myself, but after three classes, terrible sleep the night before and the stress of the full moon, I was in dire need of a break. I didn’t like the rigidity of going to school in the first place, and this year I was finding classes much more tedious. My vivid dreams certainly hadn’t helped with going to classes anyway, but then again nothing that had happened to me so far this year was helping me pay attention in class. If I were going to teach myself all the material regardless of my class attendance, then what was the point of all this? Definitely just for the slip of paper that said that I had graduated from Hogwarts. Not to mention that I had no idea what I wanted to do after I left school. In fifth year when I had had to meet with Flitwick to discuss potential career paths, I had said that I wanted to be an Auror so that he would stop hassling me about my career choice. I couldn’t see myself putting up with the bureaucracy of the Ministry of Magic. Two years ago I was also struggling to control and understand my newly-emerged Seer powers, and that had been much more important than checking a meaningless box from a list of boring careers. 

I decided to skip Herbology today and have a smoke break instead to calm my nerves. I did appreciate that it was funny, me skipping a class about tending to plants to smoke some plant leaves. My smoke break spot was against the castle wall outside, hidden by the curve of the stone wall and uphill from Hagrid’s hut and the Whomping Willow. What I did not appreciate was that when I showed up to settle my mind with a joint, I was met by the sight of Sirius Black and James Potter occupying my spot, leaning against the wall and enjoying their cigarettes. I debated going somewhere else, but I didn’t want to risk being seen by the third years who were trying to study the fairies in the vegetable patch, under the direction of Hagrid. It would be much easier to ignore James and Sirius. I sighed and made my way over to my smoking spot. 

“Grindylow. Couldn’t stay away, could you? How pathetic. You must be really desperate for attention,” James said as he saw me approaching them. Sirius was nicer and flashed me a grin. 

I gave him a disparaging look, choosing to stand a respectable distance from them but still out of sight from any passerbys. “Shut up and let me smoke in peace.”

James laughed mockingly at me and took another drag from his cigarette. “Then why don’t you stay the fuck out of our business, you nosy prick.”

I put the end of the joint in my mouth and took a moment to light it, and then took a long hit from it. I watched the smoke curl out of my mouth and nose before I turned to give James a piece of my mind, but Sirius beat me to it. 

“Tell me, love, when did you become an animagus? I don’t often have the  _ pleasure _ of meeting another one.” 

I turned to look at him as he leaned against the wall, one hand in his pocket and the other holding the cigarette to his mouth as he sucked in the smoke, eyes staring off somewhere into the distance. I watched James scowl at Sirius, perhaps feeling betrayed that his partner in crime was fraternizing with the enemy at hand. The fucker did like to be dramatic. 

I took another drag and smiled to myself, thinking about when I’d become an animagus. “The summer between fifth and sixth year. A bit lonely, becoming one all by myself. I’d imagine that you three had much more fun.” 

Sirius looked at me, running a hand through his wavy black hair. “A real pain in the arse to complete the process, though. If it hadn’t been for Moony, I would’ve gotten too bored to finish.”

I chuckled. I could definitely see Sirius abandoning the animagus process halfway through, most likely at the part when you had to wait for the next electrical storm. “I’m assuming you’re all unregistered?” I asked, flicking the ash from the end of the joint. At least I could feel the weed slowing my racing thoughts and making my stress evaporate. 

Sirius smiled, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked in some more smoke. “Of course. We weren’t about to let the Ministry of Magic ruin our fun.” I saw James scowl out of the corner of my eye, huffing out a burst of smoke. 

“And here I was, too lazy to make a trip to London.”

Sirius threw his head back and let out a bark of laughter, while James’s scowl deepened even more. 

“Be careful, Potter, or you’ll give yourself wrinkles with that frown,” I said. 

James grumbled and threw his cigarette butt on the ground, grinding it out with his heel. “Stop encouraging the grindylow, Padfoot. We’re never going to get it to stop talking at this rate.” I ignored his comment and tossed my finished joint on the ground, putting it out under my toe. I cast  _ scourgify _ on my robes so that the stench of the weed didn’t follow me and brushed any ash off the black fabric. 

“Piss off,” I said and shoved my hands into my pockets. I smiled stupidly to myself as I walked back towards the castle, wondering why I hadn’t thought to smoke a blunt earlier to settle my mind and emotions. If I couldn’t spend time in my animagus form, weed wasn’t a bad substitute. 

  
  
  
  


Charms was next, and I decided to simply wait outside the class instead of finding somewhere else to pass the time. I was making great progress with  _ The Art of Wandless Magic _ , despite the chaos occurring in other areas of my life. I had also learnt to cast  _ lumos _ and the levitation charm wandlessly in the past few days, and now I was working on  _ alohomora _ , which was proving to be more difficult. I didn’t have a lock to practice with right now, so I satisfied myself with reading about how to perform the charm. That is, until I dozed off at some point in my spot on the window ledge, and Lily woke me up when she arrived for Charms class. 

“Kersti, wake up,” she said and she shook my shoulders gently. I jolted awake and sat up, rubbing my bleary eyes. Lily was smiling kindly, her green eyes fixed on me. I didn’t think that I could handle her being uptight about my antics or scolding me for falling asleep, and it wasn’t like her to be like that anyway. I’d imagine that she couldn’t be too much of a control freak or goody-two-shoes since she had a crush on James Potter, the King of Mischief. I opened my mouth to thank her for saving my ass from Flitwick, who always went harder and had higher expectations for Ravenclaw students since he was the Head of House, but instead of the words of thanks, all that came out was a loud and very sexual moan. Lily’s eyebrows shot up nearly to her hairline, her eyes wide. I slapped my hands over my mouth, my face mirroring her astonished expression. I tried to thank her but again, all that came out from my mouth was a moan. Lily started blushing, her face approaching the colour of a fire crab. I frowned and furrowed my eyebrows. Why couldn’t I just have one normal day? And why of all years was my seventh turning out to be completely mad? 

I figured that Avery was once again the culprit, given that he seemed desperate to remind me that he was dying to fuck me. I looked around at the growing crowd of seventh years waiting outside Charms class, and sure enough, there was Avery, smirking at me from across the hallway where he was watching me with Mulciber, while Snape had his long nose buried in a book. I watched Avery move from his spot by the wall and swagger towards Lily and I, his face a mask of stupid confidence. 

“Hello, Grindylow. Why so silent?” he asked when he was standing in front of us. I stood up from my seat and crossed my arms, all fuzziness from the weed that I’d smoked earlier vanishing under the wake of my flaring temper. At my lack of response he smiled nastily and raised an eyebrow at me, marring his handsome features. 

“Avery, stop tormenting her, it’s selfish and immature,” Lily said, straightening up and looking him dead in the eye. “I can and will deduct House points for this.” Hearing Lily’s voice, I saw Snape jerk his head up from his book to gaze longingly at her, a morose look on his face. I didn’t want to know what sort of punishment that James would deal out on Snape for merely looking at “his Lilykins” if he were here. 

Avery looked down at her, chuckling. “You don’t have any proof, Evans. I just came to say hello to Grindylow.” He looked back at me, his smile growing wider at my angry expression and clenched fists. I couldn’t use my words either in this situation, but I couldn’t risk hexing or jinxing Avery so openly. I also didn’t want to be boring and flip him off like last time. So I cleared my throat and then spat a big wad of saliva on his fancy dress shoes. Avery’s face turned purple with rage, a vein popping out on his forehead. He really was fun to fuck with, and he should know better by now to not start shit with me that he couldn’t finish. Too bad I kept falling asleep in public and giving him an opportunity to pull the rug out from underneath me. 

Avery took a step closer to me. “You filthy little-” he started to say, but a loud voice cut him off. 

“Evans! There you are, my sweet Lily-of-the-Valley,” James said, the Marauders in tow. I scrunched up my nose, seriously disgusted by James’s sappiness. I saw Lily blushing as James skidded to a stop next to her, but he became very serious when he saw Avery standing over us looking fit to kill someone. 

“Go to hell, Avery, before I hex the shit out of you,” James said, raising his wand to point it at Avery’s face. Avery gave James a venomous look but saw that he was outnumbered when Remus came up beside James and Sirius stopped to stand next to me, throwing an arm around my shoulders casually as I stood facing Avery. 

“Yeah, piss off, prick, or we’ll show you how we _ love _ to treat Slytherins like you and your friend Snivellus,” Sirius said, nonchalantly twirling his wand between his fingers, grinning like a devil at the Slytherin boy. I watched the wheels turn in Avery’s head as he debated between duelling in the corridor against three people or retreating. He chose the latter. 

“Watch your back, Grindylow,” he said and shot me a last look before sauntering back over to the Slytherins. 

“Was this still about the pumpkin juice prank?” Remus asked curiously after a moment of silence.

I sidestepped out from under Sirius’s arm and shook my head, turning to pick my bookbag up from the window ledge. 

“Oh, fuck! What have I done?!” James wailed melodramatically, throwing a hand up against his forehead. “I assisted Grindylow when she’s done nothing to deserve my help!” Lily spun to face James and gave him a hard whack on the arm with her Charms textbook. 

“You selfish dingus! Can’t you help someone else out for once without needing a motive?” she scolded him, crossing her arms and frowning. 

James rubbed his arm, looking dejected. “Sorry, my beautiful Lily. I just thought that you were the one being threatened.” I watched as they fell into bickering, which was mostly Lily scolding James. 

“Doesn’t matter. I always enjoy a fight with greasy Snivellus and his friends,” Sirius said, picking up one of my books that I’d forgotten on the ledge and handing it to me. I nodded in thanks as Peter giggled nervously. If he weren’t friends with James and Sirius, I could guarantee that he’d be like Snape and end up as the butt of many of their pranks. Now all I had to do was reverse this goddamn spell of Avery’s. But I had to reverse it non-verbally, which would make things a little more tricky, seeing as if I tried to say anything, only lewd noises would come out. I started waving my wand at myself as I started to find a counter-spell, which made Remus and Sirius stare at me. 

“What are you doing, love?” Sirius asked me, chuckling at my earnest wand waving. I couldn’t very well say anything, so I just pointed at Avery, then at myself, then at my mouth. Sirius raised an eyebrow, while Remus looked at me studiously. 

“He pranked you again, I take it?” he asked. I nodded quickly and then went back to searching for a counter-spell. Thankfully I found a spell to reverse the sex noises just then. 

I exhaled sharply. “Fucking intolerable arsehole. Do Slytherins have nothing better to do than fuck with students who are more powerful than them?”

Remus laughed. “It does seem like that.”

“Oh, yes, you’re definitely right about that, Ridgelow. Especially when it comes to Snivellus. Just doesn’t know when to quit,” Sirius said, grinning probably because he was remembering all the pranks that he and James had pulled on Snape over the years. 

“And why can’t I have a normal seventh year? I swear to Merlin that all the craziness and chaos was saved for this year,” I grumbled, bemoaning my current train-wreck of a personal life as I raked a hand through my hair.

“That’s because you met the Marauders this year, love,” Sirius said, his face full of mischief and devilry as his grey eyes met mine. “Chaos and craziness follow us everywhere we go.”

  
  
  
  


I sat with Lily during Charms, who was still huffy from her bickering with James. I had to hand it to Potter, he seemed to be the only one capable of getting the diplomatic Lily Evans riled up on a daily basis. Thankfully Avery didn’t try to send me any flying notes in front of Flitwick, and I could lean back at my desk and half-heartedly pay attention to the lecture happening right in front of me. If I had to kill Avery myself to return some semblance of normal to my life, then I would definitely do that. Maybe Sirius would even help me dispose of the body. But with such a public display of talking to Sirius in the hallway, and in front of seventh years too, I guessed that Emily would know by the next class about me cozying up to her crush. As far as I was concerned, it wasn’t any of her bloody business and it wasn’t my fault that I was somehow attracting the attention of the Marauders like moths to a flame. I wasn’t trying to get Sirius fucking Black to pay attention to me. 

I vaguely heard Flitwick say that class was dismissed, and I quickly packed up my things and scurried out of the class before he could lecture me about my career choices or OWL scores. If he got too close he would probably see my bloodshot eyes and I might end up losing my temper. 

I waited for Lily in the corridor so she could catch up. We both had Apparition next, so it made sense to walk together. 

“Kersti, there you are,” Lily said. She tucked some runaway hairs behind her ear and straightened her tie. I reached over to tweak her Head Girl badge slightly so it was straight, earning me an appreciative look from her. “To Apparition?”

I gave her a quick bow. “As you wish, my beautiful, beloved, buxom Lily of-” I started to say, imitating James, but she cut my Potter-esque declaration of love and undying service short. 

“Kersti!” she said, shushing me. “And I’m not that…  _ hefty _ . . . up here.”

I shrugged. “Hefty enough for Potter to-” 

“Grindylow, shut your mouth. Don’t imitate someone who’s clearly your superior,” James said, falling into step next to Lily. 

“Potter, manners! If I had the authority to do so, I’d remove you at once from your Head Boy position, how you ever got it is beyond me,” she huffed, crossing her arms to cover her debatably  _ hefty _ chest. 

James gasped loudly. “Oh, my lovely Lily, you wound me! Didn’t you know that I got it because of my status as an entirely respectable student at this great Wizarding World institution of learning?” 

“Jesus Christ,” I muttered. “You actually know that many words,  _ Rotter _ ?” 

I heard Sirius’s short bark of laughter before I saw him beside me, pushing his dark hair out of his face. “Anyone with half a brain knows that it’s really Dumbledore trying to play matchmaker,” he said. James flipped off Sirius from beside Lily in response, which only made the two of us break out into laughter. Seeing me laughing at his expense, he drew his finger across his throat in the universal sign of “you’re dead”. I heard Remus and Peter chatting about going to Honeydukes next Hogsmeade trip and raving about what chocolates that they wanted to buy, which left Lily and James, and Sirius and I to walk ahead like couples on a double-date. Merlin save me, if we ran into Emily on our way to Apparition. She’d skin me alive. And then I remembered how pissed she would be if I ended up snagging _ the _ Sirius Black for a date to Hogsmeade, which she had yet to do. This would be fun. 

“Does our Hogsmeade outing still stand even though your best friend wants to kill me?” I asked Sirius, weaving around oblivious first years in the middle of the corridor and thus accidentally walking much closer to him than I intended. 

He laughed, turning his head to flash me a cocky smile. “If you need it to, then yes.”

I coughed and rolled my eyes. “Hogsmeade it is.”

Sirius’s smile widened and he quirked an eyebrow, leaning down closer to me. “If you needed a good fuck from me then you should have just said something.”

“Keep it in your pants, you sly dog.” 

“No need to be such a sour. . . _ puss _ .” I met Sirius’s gaze and big grins split our faces. 

“You two are ridiculous,” James griped, while Lily was now chatting with a Hufflepuff seventh year a little farther away as we waited to enter the Great Hall for Apparition lessons.

“James is just pissed that he’s going  _ stag _ to Hogsmeade,” I deadpanned and managed to look Sirius in the eye before we both started laughing. I even heard Remus laugh at that bad animal pun, which meant that I was doing something right. 

“No, I’m not going by myself, you moron,” James said. Sirius and I watched curiously as he turned on his heel and marched over to Lily, effectively scaring off the Hufflepuff girl and getting a private audience with her. I studied them both as James ran a hand through his bedhead hairstyle, ruffling the top, while Lily tucked hair behind her ears shyly. I could vaguely make out something about not lingering in Zonko’s joke shop and promising a trip to the bookstore, and then saw them smile at each other, Lily’s cheeks turning pink. A moment later, James whipped around and triumphantly strode back to Sirius, Remus, Peter and I, a loopy grin plastered on his face. 

“Gentlemen, I have officially convinced Lily Evans, the love of my life, to accompany me to Hogsmeade,” he declared, puffing out his chest with pride. Peter congratulated and clapped for him, while I thought about how Lily had terrible taste in boys.

“Well, that was quick indeed,” I muttered. I saw Sirius, Remus and Peter exchanging galleons, with Remus collecting money from the other two boys. “You made a bet?” I asked, looking at the three of them curiously. 

“It was all based on whether Prongs could get Lily to go on a date with him to Hogsmeade before or after the Christmas holidays. I chose the former, as you can see,” Remus said, pocketing the coins, “while Padfoot and Wormtail chose the latter.”

“Never stood a chance against you, Moony,” Sirius said, keeping his hands in his pockets. 

“A bet, that’s smart-” I began, but was interrupted by Lily when she stormed up to us and James. 

“A bet, James Potter! You can’t let your friends make a betting game out of my personal decisions!” Lily was practically spitting like an angry cat, her hair bristling. At least James took her seriously and looked ashamed at her words. 

“Yes, you’re right, Evans.” He turned to the boys and said in an official tone, clearing his throat, “Padfoot, Wormtail, Moony; no more bets involving Evans.” Sirius just chuckled and Remus shrugged, while Peter was the only one who looked abashed by the order. 

“Don’t take offense, Lily. They turn all girls into a facetious matter like taking bets, including me,” I said. 

“You especially, Ridgelow,” Sirius said, grinning at me. I noticed the way the corner of his eyes crinkled up, and my heart stuttered inside my chest at his genuine smile and warm gaze that were directed at me, so different from how Avery had ogled me earlier today. Luckily James turned to say something to him, allowing me to break his gaze. I frowned, worried that I was beginning to take his advances seriously, and that I was forgetting that he was pursuing me only because we’d never fucked before. The last thing that I needed on my already-full plate was a crush. 


	6. Potter or Rotter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies if there are any continuity issues with the classes, as I’ve not drafted out pseudo-schedules for any of the characters

By the time we seventh years entered the Great Hall, where the House tables and benches had been moved to make room for rows of desks, I had separated myself from the Marauders so that I could enter with the girls and not cause a big dramatic stink by entering with Sirius Black in front of Emily and other seventh year girls who also had their sights set on him. Somehow any girl who attracted the attention of the school’s heart-throb automatically came under fire from other girls due to jealousy. I just wanted to mind my own business and have the freedom of being unknown to other students. Emily and Tess shared a bench, while Lia and I took the one behind them, and Lily unexpectedly showed up and asked to sit with us, so I got squashed between the two of them. At least I wasn’t sitting with the Marauders. While I was digging around in my bag for my missing quill, Lily and Lia talked. 

“I don’t even know what I’ll do after this year. I have no clue what career I want,” Lia said, despair evident in her tone. “How can I go from the rigid Hogwarts schedule to finding my own way?” 

“We still have quite a while left in our last year, Amelia. It is only September after all,” Lily reassured her. 

“How does such a sweet, genuine person like you get mixed up with the president of Hogwarts Thundercunts Society, James Potter?” I grumbled. 

Lia stared at me, mouth agape. “What on earth is a thundercunt?” she asked. 

“A very objectionable person,” Lily answered, eyes trained down on her Apparition notes. I lifted a hand to rub my face. I shouldn’t have said that, even though James had been driving me bat shit crazy ever since he assumed an illogical vendetta against me for saving his best friend’s life. 

“I’m sorry, Lily, I shouldn’t have said that. It was in very poor taste. He’s just been driving me up the wall ever since I’ve had to be around him more. Quite rude of me to insult your Hogsmeade date,” I said, giving her an apologetic smile. 

“That’s okay, Kersti,” she said, returning my smile. “I did call him an arrogant toerag in fifth year, and I do still find him annoying, although not as much as before.”

“Wait, Hogsmeade date?” Lia asked, looking from Lily to me. 

Lily bit her lip, a blush creeping up her neck. “Breaking news,” I said. “Just happened while we were waiting to come in here.” 

“Do I dare say congratulations?” Lia asked, smiling at Lily. 

“Er. . . up to you I suppose,” Lily mumbled, the blush intensifying. 

“Congratulations, then. Are you two finally dating now or. . .?” Lia said. 

Lily shook her head and waved her hands. “No, no, not dating. We’re just going together, that’s all.” 

“Only going together? That’s not how a Hogsmeade date works and I’m positive that Potter has a different idea in mind of what it means to go together.” 

“That’s not necessarily true,” Lily retorted. 

“If Potter wanted to go as friends, then why the vow of not spending too much time in Zonko’s?” I asked. It was just too much fun to bug her. 

Lily looked at me, eyes wide. “You heard that?”

I grinned. “And you know that he wouldn’t promise a stop into the bookstore for just anyone. Not when he could be off dicking around with his friends.”

Lily frowned deeply. “Perhaps, but why are you singling me out? After all, we know that Potter would only be  _ dicking _ around with two friends. And yes, I did indeed hear  _ that _ ,” she said, raising an inquisitive eyebrow at me. 

“Could someone please explain what’s going on? I’m afraid I’m out of the loop here,” Lia said. I cleared my throat awkwardly. 

“I’m sure that you’ll hear from Hogwarts’ reputable rumour mill by dinner, Amelia,” Lily responded, still eyeing me. 

“Ladies, is it too much to ask for silence while I deliver today’s Apparition theory lesson?” our Ministry of Magic instructor said, coming up to stand over us. 

We muttered our apologies and abandoned our boy talk. I could still see Lia shooting me curious glances, and I saw Emily turn to look at me over her shoulder, clearly having heard Lily’s comment too. Oops. 

  
  
  


After classes were finished, I spent the rest of the afternoon in the Ravenclaw tower until it was time to head down to the Great Hall for supper. I went alone because Lia and Tess had been studying in the library with some out-of-House friends and Emily had been holding a Duelling Club meeting. I knew that I would sooner or later have a nasty run-in with Emily about me chumming it up with Sirius, but I didn’t expect it to be right outside the Great Hall before supper today. 

“Kersti Ridgelow!” I heard someone yell from behind me as I was within sight of the hall’s doors. I turned and saw Emily striding towards me from the direction of the dungeons. She stopped in front of me, arms crossed and glowering. “So I heard something very interesting in Duelling Club. Is it true that you’re going to Hogsmeade with Sirius Black?” 

I sighed. Why did I ever think that it was a good idea to mess around with her? Why hadn’t I known that I wouldn’t really want to deal with the ensuing drama from my actions? I met her irritated gaze. “Yes. But before you turn into an angry hippogriff, he asked me to go, wasn’t me who started it.” 

Emily clenched her jaw and recrossed her arms. “That’s besides the point. What matters is that my ‘friend’ who knows how long I’ve been interested in him, went behind my back.” 

“Look, Em. I know that you like him, but I’m not the most perceptive person and even I can see that it’s not going to happen with you two,” I stated. 

“And it will with you?” Emily snapped. 

“No, that’s not what I said. I meant that I think you should give it up? You know what he’s like,” I said, trying to reason with her like a good Ravenclaw. “You two have fucked twice, I think it would break some sort of vow he’s made with himself if he fucked you again. And I’m not seriously interested in him. I know that he just wants to fuck me because I’m a novelty.”

Emily shook her head, tears starting to gather in her eyes. “But you didn’t have to say yes to Hogsmeade.” I watched as she shoved past me and dashed into the Great Hall, probably off to cry to Lia and Tess about how I was being the group asshat again. Emily and I by far were the ones who clashed in the group, because I had a loud mouth and in this case, told her the truth to her face. I rolled my eyes. This year was already exhausting, and it wasn’t even October yet. I didn’t much care for sitting with the girls after upsetting Emily, so I retreated to the side of the doors and out of sight, and transformed my Ravenclaw robes into that of a Gryffindor, and then quickly tied my hair in a bun. I wasn’t popular or well-known at Hogwarts, so hopefully I could just duck into the Great Hall without anyone noticing. Fortunately for me, a group of fourth year Gryffindors entered the Great Hall just then and I fell into step behind them, following them to their House table. I managed to discreetly drop off from their group when I spotted Lily sitting halfway down the table with her House friends. Head down, I slipped into the seat beside Lily, who turned her head to see who was sitting next to her. She did a double take when she saw me sitting beside her. 

“Kersti? What are you doing here?” Her eyes flitted to my changed uniform. “And why are you pretending to be in Gryffindor? I can report you to our Head of House since I’m the Head Girl.” 

“Drama with Emily, I don’t want to sit over there.” I gave her a pleading look. “Please don’t turn me into McGonagall. I’m not hurting anyone by being over here, just ignore me and pretend I’m not even here.” 

Lily smiled at me, shaking her head. “Alright, I won’t say anything. It must be quite bad to be sitting over here with us.”

I looked across the table at the two girls who were already sitting with Lily. “Hi, I’m Marlene,” the first one said, smiling and flicking her long chocolate-coloured braid off her shoulder. 

“And I’m Mary,” the other girl with mousy brown hair said.

“Nice to meet you two, I’m Kersti Ridgelow. Sorry for crashing your party,” I said.

Marlene and Mary exchanged a look and then turned back to me. “So is it true that you’ve snagged  _ the _ Sirius Black for a date to Hogsmeade?” Mary asked. 

“And that  _ he _ asked you to go with him?” Marlene added. 

I frowned. I was really regretting saying yes to him and getting involved with the famous Marauders in the first place. Although, they hadn’t given me much of a choice. “My reputation doth proceed me,” I muttered, picking at the food I’d just grabbed. “I wish I’d never said yes to those silly notes we received, Lily.” 

Lily smiled, taking a mouthful of her soup. “Your crane was making it painful for you to ignore him, Kersti.” 

“An annoying magical note isn’t a match for me,” I grumbled. I looked back up at Marlene and Mary. “Long story short, I did say yes. Although, I’m sorely regretting that now.”

“How’d you do it? I reckon he’s never asked a girl to Hogsmeade before. All he does is wait for dates to flock to him,” Marlene said. 

“Beats me,” I said, shrugging. “Why does my entire identity revolve around Sirius Black now?”

“Comes with the territory of liking the most popular bloke in school,” Marlene said. 

I rolled my eyes. “Overrated. Is this what you’ve had to put up with all these years?” I asked Lily. “If so, it’s a wonder you haven’t lost it yet.”

“Yes, it’s been quite an experience, I’ll say. But not as bad as you,” Lily said, wiping her mouth with a napkin. 

I groaned and rested my head against the table top. “You should’ve warned me.” Mary and Marlene giggled at this, hurriedly finishing their dinners before the food magically vanished. I didn’t have much of an appetite any way, what with all the drama and stress in my life today. As Mary, Marlene and Lily chatted and helped themselves to dessert, I sipped some ginger tea, trying to quiet my roiling stomach. I was half tempted to look around to see where the Marauders were sitting so that I could avoid them, but I was too afraid that if I lifted my head one of them would recognize me. I rubbed at my temples, trying to quell my headache. I was definitely going to brew a sleeping draught this evening. 

As Mary, Marlene, Lily and I got up from the table, Lily turned to me. “Up for some Ancient Runes studying in the library right now?” she asked me, smoothing out her skirt. 

“Sounds like a plan,” I said, making sure that I hadn’t spilt anything on the front of my robes. 

“Never understood why you insist on taking Ancient Runes, Evans,” Marlene said. “Such a pain in the arse and-”

“Evans, looking forward to our Head Girl and Boy patrol tonight?” I heard James say, noticing Lily and I as we got up from the bench. “Because I was thinking- what the fuck are you doing here, Grindylow?” 

I turned from Lily to watch James as he got up from his seat as we stopped next to him, openly eyeing me with hostility written in his body language. I should’ve stayed sitting down for longer. 

Lily jumped in before I could start fighting with her Hogsmeade date again. “You’d better not be late this time, Potter. We’ve got a lot of things to cover tonight.” 

James seemed to forget all about me as he beamed at Lily. “Of course, Lily-flower of my life. Maybe I could cover your body with-” 

I let out a loud cough, looking pointedly at James. “Don’t make me vomit, Rotter.” 

I was distracted by Sirius getting up from the bench to stand beside James. “Next time you want to wear a Gryffindor uniform, it would be my  _ pleasure _ to undress you and let you wear mine,” he said to me in lieu of a greeting, quirking an eyebrow and wearing his typical shit-eating grin as he looked me up and down in my pseudo-Gryffindor get-up. I heard Mary and Marlene giggling behind Lily and I. Fuck me. Why didn’t I just stay home and drop out of Hogwarts at the end of last year?

“Not now, you horny bastards,” I said, quickly reverting my robes to their usual black and blue colour. “Our Ancient Runes textbooks are simply  _ begging  _ us to touch them, and we’re in no position to deny them such tender, loving  _ ministrations _ . Let us go  _ satisfy _ the  _ needs _ of our textbooks, Lily,” I said, grabbing her arm and half-dragging her past Sirius and James and out of the Great Hall. 

  
  
  
  


I made the executive decision and smuggled Lily into the Ravenclaw dormitory, that way Potter couldn’t track us down and continue to annoy us. We chose to sit in a private corner of the Common Room as we cracked open our hefty Ancient Runes textbooks, using the coffee table in between our two armchairs to spread out our various notes, charts, translations, quills and ink pots. I took a break after an hour of studying, looking up to gaze out the tower window at the sun that was making its way down towards the horizon. Lily was engrossed in her translation, scratching away at a frantic pace. I studied her for a moment as she worked. 

“Lily,” I said. 

“Mhmm, one second,” she said, finishing her line of the translation and then looking up at me. “Yes?” 

“What changed your mind about Potter? I haven’t known you for very long but even I could tell that you couldn’t stand him up until this year, so why do you like him now?” 

Lily looked at me for a long moment and then set aside her translation, looking out the window thoughtfully. “I’m not quite sure. I think it’s due to a variety of reasons,” she said, still looking outside. “Since we have Head Girl and Boy duties together, I’ve seen how much he’s matured since last year, and he’s certainly changed in the way that he approaches and treats me. But up until not long ago, I was so close with Severus and it really hurt when he called me a mudblood and pushed me away. I think I’ve also changed towards James because he accepts me for who I am, not seeing me as some subpar Muggleborn witch whom he grew up with.” 

“I’m sorry about Snape,” I said. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been called a mudblood my fair share of times too.” 

“Really?” Lily said, turning to me. “You’re a Muggleborn too?”

“Yes.” 

She smiled at me, the corners of her eyes crinkling. “I never would’ve known, you’re so hard to read.” 

“Ah, so that explains why Avery is still interested in banging me,” I mused. “Because he hasn’t figured out my blood status yet. I guess no one outside of my Ravenclaw friends knows that my parents and brother are Muggles, I’m not enough of a noteworthy student.” 

Lily smiled kindly at me. “I couldn’t ever imagine reciprocating Avery’s feelings anyway, blood pursim aside,” she said, making us both laugh. 

“Yes, well, he really is a dreadful sort,” I admitted. 

“Not to mention that he has a penchant for revenge. Was your feud really only triggered by you turning him down to Hogsmeade?” 

I laughed, remembering when Avery had cornered me after Transfiguration last year in the corridor and asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him as our first date. “Yes. You’d think I killed his mother, given how bloodthirsty he is.”

“You may not have killed his mum, but you did kill his pride,” Lily quipped, causing us to descend into laughter yet again. 

Lily leaned back, stretching out her arms and neck from their cramped position. “It’s nice to have a friend to hang out with like you, Kersti. Ever since Sev. . .Er, Severus, and I had our falling out, I’ve been rather lonely, to tell you the truth. And I think that I could use at least one sane and smart girl in my life, because if not James Potter might in fact drive me nuts.”

I laughed, well aware of his talents for driving ordinary girls insane with his annoyingness. “Doesn’t help that he brings his whole posse along when he follows you. Now I’ve gotten roped into dealing with all of the Marauders too.”

Lily leaned forward and fixed me with a perceptive look and a raised eyebrow. “Speaking of other Marauders, you and Black seem to be getting really cozy as of late,” she said. 

“Oh, yeah. That’s been totally unintentional on my part, I swear. But I do admit that I’ve been an instigator because Emily has a big thing for him, so I’ve been being an arsehole and  _ cozying  _ up to him to piss her off. Not nice, I know. She’s already slept with him twice now, but she won’t let go of it.”

Lily smiled and shook her head. “I didn’t know that you were so rakish. You really don’t appear that way.”

“That’s because I know most people couldn’t handle that side of me.” 

“Seems like that side of you is well suited to Sirius Black,” Lily shot back, fixing me with another uncomfortably insightful look. 

“Jesus Christ, that's bold of you to say,” I mumbled, looking down at my clasped hands.

Lily shrugged, unperturbed, a hint of mischief in her eyes. “Gotta be able to dish it out and take it, Ridgelow. But don’t get me wrong, I don’t care if you have a roll in the sack with him or not, just don’t do it in front of me.”

I started laughing so hard that I nearly choked. “Aye aye, Captain,” I said when I had regained my composure.

“So you will be sleeping with him then?”

I jerked my head up in surprise. “Hey, hey, let’s slow down here, I never said that!” 

Lily smirked, looking quite pleased with herself. She might even be able to pass for James with that look on her face. “I know, just getting even for all the teasing that you've thrown my way.”

We both laughed and I held my hands up in surrender. “You win, Evans.” I was glad that I had started to become closer with Lily this year and it was nice to branch out from my usual group of Emily, Lia and Tess, especially with all the drama recently. I could use a more level-headed friend like Lily, especially with the chaos that my life was descending into this year. 


	7. Gifted with a curse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lost in Yesterday by Tame Impala

I woke up the next day after studying with Lily feeling like I had slept well for the first time since summer break, all thanks to the Sleeping Draught that I had hastily brewed last night in the dormitory. Emily, Tess and Lia had come back while I had been in the process of brewing it, but I had only received some mumbled complaints from Emily about the rotten-cheese smell of the Valerian plant roots that I had been separating from the sprigs. Tess and Lia were treating me normally, probably because they could see that Emily was being a tad dramatic in her feud with me over a bloke who wasn’t interested in her anymore. I wished that Emily would get over herself sooner rather than later, as I was already exhausted from butting heads with Rotter whenever I ran into him. 

“Morning, Kersti,” Tess said from her position in front of her wardrobe mirror, wrestling her frizzy dark hair into a braid. “Any point in me hoping that you’ll come to quidditch tryouts this evening?” 

I sat up in bed and swung my legs around to the edge, stretching before I stood up. “Sorry, Tess. You know Hooch would forbid me from playing if she saw the way I fly.”

I saw Tess’s smile in the mirror. “Flying like a lunatic who’s not afraid to break their neck is a good thing in quidditch, if you ask me,” she said. 

“Not if you ask Hooch or Pomfrey, or even Flitwick,” I said, gathering my hair into a ponytail. 

“Plus, we need you around, Kersti. Who else is going to help me with my Defence essay due on Monday?” Lia called out from the bathroom. 

“The lady is right,” I said, tilting my head and raising my eyebrows at Tess, who just rolled her eyes jokingly at me. I spied Emily out of the corner of my eye, slipping on her expensive black school shoes from her seat on the bed, and then double-checking that she had all the books that she needed in her bookbag. I quickly got ready and by the time I was dressed and ready, Emily was gone from the dormitory. Thankfully, I caught up to her when she was just about to leave the Common Room. 

“Hey, Em. Wait up a second,” I said, drawing near and stopping in front of her when she turned to face me. 

She crossed her arms and frowned. “What?” 

“Look, I get that you have your sights set on Black for some puzzling reason, but can’t we put this behind us? The last thing I need this year is more stress,” I said, and noticing her deepening frown, added, “And I don’t think that you need or want the extra stress either.” 

Emily rolled her eyes and flicked her blonde hair away from her face. “And this changes you being an arsehole to me how…?” 

I sighed. “It doesn’t change anything, I just thought that you might be able to set aside our ‘feud’ for both of our benefits?” 

She gave me a hard look. “Fine, whatever, Grindylow. Still doesn’t change that you were a bitch and went behind my back,” she snapped. 

You’ve got to be kidding me. All this over a stupid bloke who everyone but she could tell wasn’t into her? “Excuse me for ‘being a bitch’ and telling you the truth. Or did you just want to embarrass yourself yet again by trying to flirt with a boy who’s already fucked you and therefore doesn’t want what he’s already had twice before? Go ahead, act desperate and see how far that gets you,” I shot back and stomped past her to the portrait hole. 

“You’re just a jealous cunt, Grindylow.” 

I whipped around to face Emily, letting out a disdainful laugh. “You wish. At least I have more self-respect and dignity to not chase after Sirius fucking Black.” With that, I stormed out of the Common Room and to the Great Hall, remembering to jump over the disappearing step on one of the magic staircases on the way down. I chose to sneak into the kitchens and ask the house elves for an early meal, and then found an alcove outside of Charms class to practice my wandless magic before my first class of the day. As the rest of my Advanced Charms classmates showed up, a voice drew me away from my book. 

“Hi Kersti,” Lily said, coming to stand beside my alcove. “Did you manage the Charms essay alright?” 

I closed the book, turning to her. “Yep, all done,” I said, grabbing my essay from its place beside me and giving it a wave. “How was Head Girl and Boy patrol last night?” 

Lily blushed and cleared her throat awkwardly. “The usual. Quite unremarkable, actually.” 

I grinned, raising an eyebrow at her. “Then why are you blushing, _my_ _sweet Lilykins_.” 

Lily cleared her throat again, avoiding my eyes and somehow turning even redder. “Don’t be ridiculous, Kersti. Compromising the professionality of a routine patrol by letting my feelings for Potter get in the way would be-” 

“Oh, so you do have feelings for him, then?” 

“Now, that’s not-” 

“You do have feelings for me, my beautiful Lily?” James said, appearing and standing next to her, throwing an arm around her slim shoulders. 

“James!” she squeaked. “Er, I mean, good morning, Potter. Nice to see you attending classes this morning.” 

James beamed at her. “And it’s nice to see you too this morning, my sweet Lily-of-the-valley.” 

I tried to muffle my laughter behind my palm, which was proving ineffective. “I’ll let you two love birds get reacquainted,” I said, hopping off the alcove ledge and grabbing my things. I saw Lily splutter, while James gave me the finger, which I gladly returned with equal vigour, and I began to walk away to give them some more privacy.

“Hey, Kersti.” I looked up and saw Remus, who gave me a small wave from his spot against the other corridor wall. Peter glanced at me nervously, chewing his fingernails, while Sirius was leaning against the wall and offered me a smirk when he saw me walking over to their group. 

“How’d you find the Charms essay?” Remus asked me when I had arrived at their spot.

I shrugged. “Easy peezy.” I saw Peter look up at me from the corner of my eye, his face twisting into a strange expression at my comment. “You?” 

“I could’ve done better, I think my conclusion could stand to be a bit stronger,” Remus said, frowning and looking down at the end of his parchment where he’d written said conclusion. 

Sirius faked a big yawn. “So boring. What matters are quidditch tryouts this evening. Prongs has to find two chasers and a seeker this year.” 

“My friend Tess reckons that Ravenclaw is destined to win the Quidditch Cup this year, but I’m assuming you have a different idea of how this year’s season will turn out?” I asked Sirius. 

He grinned, raising an eyebrow and pushing a strand of hair out of his face. “Rhodes has always had too much confidence in her own team. Never wanted to admit that Ravenclaw couldn’t be farther from the cup if they tried.” 

I chuckled. “I won’t tell her that you said that, or else you might find some rogue bludgers interfering with your tryouts tonight.” 

Sirius laid a hand on his chest dramatically. “Oh, Ridgelow, how sweet of you! I didn’t know that you were such a kind  _ kitten _ .” 

“Not the animal puns again, Padfoot,” Remus muttered, facepalming, while Peter giggled at Sirius’s antics. 

“Such a spoilsport. We only make them once in a blue  _ moon _ ,” I said. I met Sirius’s gaze as both of us started laughing, while Remus merely shook his head at us, trying to hide the smile that was making its way onto his face. “See? That wasn’t an animal pun.” 

“Fine, then. Puns related to our . . . conditions and abilities of the furry kind,” Remus said. 

“You’re no fun. I have to take advantage while Potter is occupied, before he comes back and gets all huffy on me.” 

“Don’t take it personally, love,” Sirius said to me. “He’s just not used to someone else being in on our fun and secrecy. Been the four of us for so long that he doesn’t know how to share.” 

I snorted. “Ew, I don’t want to share anything with Potter, not since I’d like to remain friends with Lily,” I said, making Remus and Sirius laugh. Peter just stared angrily at me. Perhaps if he weren’t such a coward he would say something to me about how he didn’t like the newcomer poking fun at his friends. I turned to look at Lily who was in fact marching over to me right now, a boisterous James in tow. 

“Come on, Kersti, let’s go get ourselves a good seat,” she said, cheeks aflame as she grabbed my arm and dragged me to the Charms classroom, much the same as I had yanked her away from the Marauders yesterday after dinner. I shot a look at the boys over my shoulder as Lily lugged me away. Sirius quirked an eyebrow at me, a smirk curving his lips as he watched my retreating form, while James stuck his tongue out at me. Lily chose a spot near the front of the rapidly-filling classroom, most likely because she thought that it would deter Potter from occupying the desk next to ours. She was wrong about that though, and I tried to stifle my giggles as I watched James march up to the desk beside ours with the boys in tow, making Lily huff and grumble about not having enough privacy. 

“I mean, honestly, Advanced Charms is an incredibly important class at the NEWT level, and as Head Boy Potter should be concentrating on his duties and his marks,” she muttered to herself, slamming her textbooks and ink pot down on the desk with more force than was necessary. 

“Woah there, Lily, what happened to last night when we talked about him and how he’s changed?” I said, absentmindedly looking around the class. I exchanged a smirk with Sirius when my eyes landed on him at the desk beside ours.

She huffed and rested her head in her hands. “I know, I’ve just been quite stressed this year with the advanced classes and Head Girl duties. It’s a lot of responsibility and I’ve also been entirely focused on getting top marks in all my classes, I simply don’t need any more drama to deal with right now.” 

I turned to her and rested a hand on her shoulder. “I feel you on that one. The last thing I need in my life is boy drama. But maybe a Hogsmeade date with Potter will help get your mind off things? If that makes any sense. You have to take a break at some point, Lily.” 

She lifted her head and looked at me. “I suppose you’re right. Can’t hurt, can it? And he did promise a trip into the bookstore.”

“Why don’t we make it a double date?” I asked. 

Lily scoffed. “What, so you can tease me the whole time?” She raised her eyebrows at me. “No, thank you.” 

I shrugged. “So I can fend off Rotter if you find him to be a bit much. And if it gets awkward, we’ll make up an excuse like how we both have to use the loo.” 

Lily giggled and smiled ruefully. “Alright, that doesn’t sound too bad. We’ll be evenly matched in our supervision of the two resident Casanovas.” 

“See? Imagine how many House points you could deduct with both of them right under your nose.” 

Lily frowned and shoved me playfully. “Hey, I’m not a drill sergeant.” I held up my hands in surrender and Flitwick entered just then, saving Lily from any more of my teasing. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Later that day, I left lunch in the Great Hall early to take a smoke break, hopefully by myself, in my usual spot. I was lucky and no annoying Gryffindor boys were there when I arrived, and so I withdrew a joint from the pocket of my robes and lit the end, leaning on the wall. I took my first pull from the joint and veered my head back lazily to watch as the smoke from my mouth curled up and away into the sky. I wasn’t sure if I considered this year to so far be a success or a failure. I now had Lily to hang out with, but I wasn’t convinced that being friends with her outweighed the drama that I’d started by getting involved with Sirius and the Marauders. Afterall, being around her more often was what had gotten me tangled up with them in the first place. At the end of the day, all I could say for certain was that my final year at Hogwarts was turning out to be nothing like I had thought it would be. And I was worried too about the possibility that the craziness of this year was precipitating my visions and dreams, although I couldn’t imagine why Lily or the Marauders would trigger my Seer abilities. I doubted that they would be permanent fixtures in my life. They’d probably fade out of my day-to-day life by the time that the Christmas holidays rolled around. As for Sirius wanting to fuck me, I knew that he would get bored like he always did, because I didn’t think that I had the energy to mess around and to actually have sex with him. He could take his pick from all the other girls at Hogwarts, because I was too sleep-deprived and tormented to have any sort of a sex drive. 

I took a long pull from my joint. In my fifth and sixth years, the visions and dreams had started out slowly, flashes when I was sitting in class, or short, intense dreams at night. They had mostly been about small, inconsequential things in my life, such as my OWL scores or essays. I had dreamt about getting the top mark in my year in Care of Magical Creatures one night, and the next day it had turned out to be true; this had been the most salient of my predictions in fifth year. The next school year, my dreams and visions had continued to be about classes and other mundane things, but thankfully by that time I had become an animagus, and took refuge in the Forbidden Forest when the more sinister glimpses of the future had struck. I’d started having recurring dreams about being shot by Muggle hunters while prowling woods in my animagus form. Sometimes I’d wake up with the sound of the gunshot; others, after I had felt the stabbing pain of the bullet entering my furry hide; and still in other dreams I’d watch from above as the Muggles poked and prodded at my dead body with their Muggle guns. Another recurring scene of the future had been one in which I was running away from several wizards who were chasing after me. I would turn to fire spells back at them, barely dodging theirs, but eventually they would catch up to me as my exhausted legs failed me, only to cast  _ incarcerous _ and then proceed to drag my bound body along the ground behind them off to torture and imprision me because I was a Seer. This had also scared me into not telling anyone about my abilities. Once someone found out that I could see the future, I knew that I would cease to be a person to them, and instead become a tool that they could use for their own purposes, regardless of my welfare. Naturally, with these terrifying snatches of my future that I was seeing, I had turned to smoking weed to help prevent the dreams and visions, and to also dull the anguish and pain after I saw such things. But could you really blame me? I wasn’t sure that there was anyone out there who wouldn’t do the same thing that I had done if they were in my shoes. 

I relit my half-finished joint and took another drag. I wished that I could float up to the sky and vanish from view like the smoke that I exhaled. Instead of floating away, I got a surprise visit from Sirius, who rounded the corner just then, presumably to have his own smoke break, as he was walking towards me with his pack of cigarettes already withdrawn from his robes. 

“Ridgelow,” he greeted me, stopping to stand a few feet away from me. I watched absentmindedly as he stuck the end of his cigarette in his mouth and frowned, his eyebrows furrowing, as he lit the end. He pursed his lips, sucking on the end, and waited a beat before he let out the smoke. I stared dumbly at him and took another mighty pull from my joint. How did Sirius make smoking a cigarette look so goddamn hot? Maybe I was falling prey to his bad-boy charm after all, though I hoped not. I looked back up at the sky, exhaling a long stream of smoke, and suddenly realized that the heaviness that I felt in my chest was sadness and loneliness. Thinking about my disturbing dreams and visions, and general fate as a Seer, always managed to make me feel like a dementor had just sucked the life out of me. As I watched a cloud slowly traverse the sky, I wondered why I hadn’t decided to become some sort of bird animagus. Wouldn’t flying above it all have helped me forget better? If I had been alone right now, I would have started to cry at the anguish of it all, but since Sirius was standing near me, studying me for some reason, I kept the tears at bay. 

“Do you ever wish you had a different animagus form?” I asked him, still staring up at the sky. 

He cleared his throat. “Can’t say I have, love.” 

I blinked slowly and lowered my head to glance at him, my brain sluggish. “I guess I can just settle for getting so high on weed that I forget what my animagus form is.” 

Sirius chuckled. “I suppose so. Been smoking for long, love?” 

“What, today? Or in general?”

“In general.” 

I looked back up at the sky. “Regularly since the beginning of last year. Helps . . . quiet my mind. You?” 

Sirius let out a deep breath, making me tilt my head back down to watch him. “A couple years, same as Prongs. My parents tried to force me to quit when I first started, but their wishes have never counted for anything in my book.” I looked curiously at him as he frowned severely and furrowed his eyebrows, flicking the clump of ash from his cigarette. 

“I’m sorry.” 

His frown deepened as he met my eyes. “For what?”

I shrugged and stared off at the Forbidden Forest. “Nothing, nevermind. Sorry, this weed is really going to my head today.” 

“Fancy a cigarette, then?” Sirius asked me, withdrawing his pack again and offering one to me. I thanked him and took one after I finished the last little bit of my joint and tossed it on the ground. 

“You know, you seem like the type who would be good at pulling pranks, especially from what I’ve seen with you and Avery. So why not, love?” Sirius asked me as we smoked our cigarettes. 

“I can’t be bothered to. There’re a lot of things I’m good at, but I’m too lazy to do them. And I have . . . other things to worry about in my life that are more important than pulling fun pranks,” I replied. Maybe I did also have Avery to thank for my new-found rapport with the Marauders, as pranking him with the pumpkin juice was what had made them first notice me, in addition to my proximity to Lily Evans. Right then, I wished for nothing more than to be able to give up being a Seer, to leave all the terrible, haunting peeks of my future and the futures of others behind, in favour of being a normal witch in her final year at Hogwarts. Instead of getting lost in the future, I could be having fun and perhaps even playing pranks like Sirius had said. But as it stood, I was relegated to carrying my burden, all the while hiding my suffering from everyone and having no one in whom to confide. I angled my head up once more as I felt tears threaten to fall. 

As I looked up at the clear blue September sky, a vision struck me then. I watched as the sky darkened to that of night, a full moon suspended behind clouds, surrounded by stars. I felt like I was floating up, drawn away from the ground by the roundness of the moon, but just then the clouds parted to reveal it, shining down upon the Hogwarts grounds. That was when the screaming and yelling began. I continued to stare up at the full moon, as the frantic voices of three children washed over me. Over the screaming a werewolf’s vicious howl cut, and in response I heard the angry barking of a dog and the snapping of jaws, just like in the clearing when I had seen Sirius fighting Remus. A man’s voice could be heard below the animal noises but above the terrified voices of the children, and for some reason I knew that it belonged to Severus Snape, though a much older version of him. Their cries ran through me, making me shake. I looked down at my hand which held the cigarette that Sirius had given me, and the darkness of the night in the vision disappeared, the clamour fading away and falling silent. I was back in the present moment, the hand holding the cigarette shaking, tremors racking my body. I quickly finished the cigarette, not daring to look up at Sirius, and then pulled another joint out and began to smoke it, in an effort to prevent the vision from coming back. I hurriedly hit my joint a few times, and then pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes and forehead, exasperated. 

I dared to look up at Sirius, who was watching me expectantly. I shook my head. “Sorry, just got caught up in my train of thought. Must be the weed talking, yeah?” I said, stilling my shaking hands and checking my Muggle watch. “Shit, I’ve got to get to Care of Magical Creatures. I’ll see you around, Black.” I gave him a wave and headed off as he looked at me, not flashing me his usual smirk or wink. I had to get out of here, before a full-blown vision hit me in front of him, and so I took off at a jog towards the forest. I would just show up a little bit late to Care of Magical Creatures. I was in desperate need of a run through the forest so that I didn't show up to classes on the verge of having a meltdown.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Later that day, I studied with Lia and Tess in the Common Room, trying to help Tess finish her Potions essay before she had to run to tryouts. Not that she had anything to worry about, seeing as she was Ravenclaw’s top chaser and she was automatically guaranteed to keep her spot on the team this year. She just was so enamoured by the sport that she wanted to be involved with the tryouts and suss out the prospective teammates herself. I didn’t understand it at all, but then again I wasn’t one for team sports. Or accomplishing anything as a team. 

“So what do I do with the pufferfish eggs?” Tess asked. 

“No, not pufferfish. Ashwinder eggs,” I replied, flipping through a new book on wandless magic,  _ A Complete Guide to the Most Difficult Wandless Spells _ , which I’d nicked from the Restricted section of the library before dinner. “You just add them, no need to grind or chop them up.” 

“And this is why we need you in one piece, Kersti,” Lia said, not even lifting her nose from her own Potions essay. 

“What, so I can be your personal study buddy and dictionary? That doesn’t seem very profitable on my end.”

“You can’t help me out from the kindness of your own heart?” Tess asked me, giving me puppy dog eyes. 

I shook my head and took another sip from my tea that I’d brewed. “Not enough time. I still have all my homework to do anyhow.” 

“Yeah, right,” Tess scoffed. “You’re reading a book not covered in classes right now!” 

“You want this book so badly? Here!” I said and tossed it across the low coffee table to her. She caught it effortlessly. “At least I’m helping you keep your quidditch skills up to snuff,” I said, making us laugh. 

Lia shook her head, giggling. “I didn’t know that you were helping her practice quidditch at the same time.” She looked up past me at someone whom I couldn’t see behind me. “Hey, Em. How was Duelling Club?” 

“Fine. I’ll see you later,” Emily said, and I heard her footsteps moving off towards the stairs up to our dormitory. 

Lia looked at me and frowned. “Em told me about your argument.” I sighed. “Look, I’m not agreeing with her and I think that she’s being a tad petty about it, but I think that you should apologize to her, Kersti.” 

I raised my eyebrows at her. “Why? I was just being honest.” 

“You could have been nicer about it, though.”

Tess tossed me back my book. “Yeah, I agree. She’s really obsessing over banging Black, but you didn’t have to be so rude.” 

I scoffed, reopening my book. “Great. So I have to let her keep living in her delusional little world where Sirius- er. . . , Black actually likes her? I was trying to stop her from embarrassing herself.” 

Lia shook her head, perusing her essay. “No, just that an apology would be nice.” She looked back up and met my eyes. “Please?” 

I glanced at her and then Tess, who were looking kindly but expectantly at me. I let out a dramatic sigh. “Okay, fine. Oh, the agony! A grindylow never apologizes for her actions.” Lia’s eyebrows shot up at my impersonation. I added, “Usually.” 

“Thank you, oh most noble grindylow, for making an exception this time,” Tess said, smirking at me. “But seriously, it sucks when our little group is caught up in a silly feud, and over a bloke who is known for being a player, no less. We should have the dignity to get mad at each other for something more important.” 

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” I said. “I’ll even go apologize right now.” 

Lia smiled appreciatively at me. “Thank you, Kersti. It means a lot to us.” 

I got up and gave her a thumbs up, leaving my things on my armchair so that I could come back later. I turned and weaved through the Common Room, past other groups of studious Ravenclaws, and made my way up to our dormitory. I pushed the door open slowly, but when I stuck my head in Emily wasn’t in there. I frowned until I heard her humming to herself in the bathroom as she brushed her hair, and so I closed the door and walked up to the bathroom doorway. 

“Hey, Em.” She didn’t even spare a glance at me. I bit back a sigh. “Look, I’m sorry about being rude to you. I lost my temper and I shouldn’t have. Now can we leave this behind us?” I said. 

She looked at me in the reflection of the mirror before slowly setting her hairbrush down and turning to me. “Okay, fine. Apology accepted. Don’t forget about Astronomy tonight, though, because you already skipped the past two classes.” 

“Oh, shit. I completely forgot, Em. Thanks for the reminder.” 

She gave me a small smile and turned back to the mirror. “And I’ll see you at the Gryffindor party this Friday?” I looked at her in surprise. “Chill out, Alice and Frank invited me,” she said, putting the brush down again and finger combing her short hair. 

“Are they organizing it?” 

Emily laughed. “Oh, Merlin, no. They’re too responsible to do that. They just told me that I was welcome to come. It’s some random sixth year who’s hosting it.” 

“Ah, I see. I’ll see you then,” I said and gave her a small wave. She nodded and I turned and left the dormitory, skipping down the stairs. One less thing to worry about. At least, until I ran into Emily at the party, who would probably see Sirius trying to flirt and charm his way into my pants. Jesus Christ, I wasn’t looking forward to that. 


	8. Gryffindors throw the worst parties?

The next few days passed uneventfully, thank Merlin, bar the typical venomous looks from Avery, whom I also caught staring at my breasts and butt several times, the indiscreet idiot. I debated telling him outright that I was a “filthy mudblood”, as he would say, but I was smart enough to realize that he might then single me out for bullying on the basis that I wasn’t a pureblood. As it stood, his pranks and leering were manageable because he wouldn’t try to physically hurt a girl whom he wanted in working order so that she could suck his dick. But if he only saw me as a Muggleborn, I wouldn’t put it past him to hit me with the cruciatus curse or some other dark spell just to watch me suffer. Not that he would be able to land a hit; my  _ protego _ charm was flawless. 

I took my usual nap after Apparition, but I cut it short so that I could get changed out of my robes and into what I would wear to the Gryffindor party, and then spent the remainder of the afternoon and well into the evening roaming the Hogwarts grounds in my animagus form. I stuck closer to the Black Lake this time, but far enough away from the sight of the castle. This half of the grounds was flatter and had less cover of trees, the hills that composed the valley rising up on either side of the still surface of the lake. In fifth year I hadn’t had the ability to wander around as an animagus, so I’d often taken my shabby old Cleansweep broom and flown over the lake and the surrounding grounds, racing my reflection in the surface of the lake as I’d dipped close to the water. Today, I walked for hours, padding around the outline of the water, occasionally dipping my head down to drink from the lake. I’m not sure why I had accepted Sirius’s offer to join in on another Gryffindor party. Probably only so I could smoke and drink without having Emily and Tess make snide remarks about how I was a drunk and a pothead, both of which were not true. I only drank at social events and the weed was a lifesaver for a Seer. At least Sirius and James didn’t berate me for being a fellow smoker, whereas I’m sure that if Lily saw me smoking, she would have quite a few things to say about it. Though now that I knew Lily better, I knew that she would just do that out of a place of concern. She was far too nice for Rotter. 

When night fell, I drew near to Hogwarts again and transformed back, bringing my clothes with me, of course. I set off towards the castle and in no time I had reached the portrait of the fat lady. She was reclining on her seat, drinking a glass of wine, but when she saw me she put the glass down and fixed me with a thunderous look. 

“You! The rudest student I have ever had the utter misfortune of seeing!” she shrieked. “How dare you speak to a proper and noble lady like me, you hideous low-life!” 

“Okay, cool, don’t care. Can I get in?” I said. “Password is dirigible plum.” Emily had shared the password with me, since Sirius had forgotten to tell me when he’d unexpectedly invited me. 

“Password! PASSWORD! Don’t talk to me about the password, young lady, you’re not getting in! Don’t expect that you can verbally abuse me and then get into the Common Room! I may not be the portrait for your dingy house, but you shall accord me with the respect owed to me by my status! And furthermore. . .” 

She kept yelling at me about her supposed honour and status, but I tuned her out. I should’ve come with Emily and then dashed by the fat lady before she noticed me. I stood there, sleeping with my eyes open, while she shouted, somehow not losing her voice. I was trying to remember if I knew any hexes or jinxes that worked on people in magical portraits, when someone else joined me. 

“Hello, love,” I heard the person say, and I recognized him as Sirius as he walked up to stand in front of me, blocking me from view from the fat lady, some giggling Gryffindor girl latched onto his arm like a leech. “If you’re not careful you’ll wreck your beautiful singing voice with all that screaming.” 

Her entire demeanor changed when she saw Sirius. “Good evening, dear. Out for a walk tonight? Would you like to come in?” She batted her eyelashes and straightened up in her seat, pushing her large bosom out. 

“Yes, love. Will you let me in?” The Gryffindor girl, who must be in a lower year because I didn’t recognize her, was still giggling uncontrollably, most likely drunk on both alcohol and the aftermath of having been fucked by Sirius Black. 

The fat lady cooed dramatically. “Of course, my love, anything for you,” she said and winked seductively at him. I couldn’t imagine being so good looking and popular that even the school portraits wanted to bone you. The only attention I got from the portraits was the occasional grumpy man yelling at me for waking him up when I snuck around the castle halls at all hours of the night. I quickly followed Sirius and the younger girl as they went through the portrait hole. Inside the Common Room, the party was in full swing, unlike the last time when Emily, Lia, Tess and I had shown up near the beginning. There were still the buckets of alcohol and the dancefloor, only this time almost all the students there were either dancing or making out with each other. Everyone whom I could see was very much drunk. Time to get to work. 

I quickly went over to one of the drink stations and borrowed a shot glass sitting nearby on one of the tables. I did three shots right away, and then stood there smoking a joint, this time not caring about the smoke hanging about in a cloud around my ginger head. Anyone who was bothered by the smoke could fuck off, because I sure as hell wasn’t moving from my spot until I was so drunk and high that I could actually enjoy myself at a party that I regretted agreeing to go to. I flicked the ash from the end and tried to see if I could spot Emily on the dancefloor, but without her different-coloured robes to differentiate her from the Gryffindor colours, I gave it up as a lost cause. That was when I saw Rotter trying to run towards me, his gait incredibly sloppy and his arms flailing, hair sticking up at all ends like he’d been electrocuted recently. He was chasing Peter, who wasn’t looking where he was going and ran straight into me, causing me to stumble backwards and barely catch myself on the ledge above the fireplace, narrowly avoiding lighting myself on fire by falling into the very real fireplace. 

“Jesus fucking Christ!” I yelled, clinging to the ledge until I had gotten my feet under me again. “Thank fuck I’ve already finished my shots and I didn’t drop my joint, else you’d owe me a joint, mate,” I said to Peter. 

“Sorry! Didn’t mean to, only an accident,” he slurred. 

“Never apologize for nearly eradicating the grindylow, Wormy!” James declared as he slid to a stop next to him. “If anything you didn’t do a good enough job!” 

I rolled my eyes. “Can you stop yelling at me?” I shouted at him, and then turned my head to take a very long hit from the joint. 

James became indignant, pointing his finger like a dagger in my face. “You’re shouting at me!”

“No, I’m not!”

“Yes, you are!” 

“NO, I’M NOT. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I’M SHOUTING AT YOU, JAMES FUCKING POTTER!” I screamed right in his face. 

“YES IT DOES!” he said, his face turning purple from both the yelling and the anger. 

“Hey! Stop!” I heard Peter protest pitifully, but his demand was marred when he broke down in a fit of cackles. 

“YOU WANNA HEAR ME YELL, YOU IMBECILE!” I shouted in James’s face as he stood in my space. 

“YES, I DO! FUCK YOU!” 

Peter started cackling uncontrollably about how James’s last sentence rhymed, and he was so drunk that he somehow ended up on the carpeted floor beside James, rolling around like a niffler inside a sack of galleons. I jumped back when he bumped into me, his face red from laughing and his clothes filthy. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, get off my shoes, will ya?” I said, jigging a couple steps away from Peter’s rolling form. “Rotter! Control your small-bean rodent friend!” 

James made a rude face at me and leaned down to stop Peter’s tumbling, yanking him back up to his feet. “That’s a good man, Wormy Wormtail. Have a seat right here,” he slurred, and pushed him backwards a little too hard into the nearest red armchair, causing Peter to nearly bounce back out of the chair from the force. He slumped over in it and started crying. 

“Nooooooo! Prongs, I wanna marry chocolate! And Mister Honeyduke is gonna marry us!” he blubbered. “I’m gonna miss the procession! It’s happening now!” 

James either didn’t hear Peter’s raving or chose to ignore it, because instead of answering him he marched back up to me, getting up in my face. “You’re not allowed to be here! GRYFFINDORS ONLY,” he said, jabbing at his red and golden tie. “Further-furthermore, I DON’T WANT YOU HERE.” 

I cackled in his face, throwing my head back. “Too bad your best friend wants to stick his dick up in me! He keeps inviting me! Tell Sirius goddamn Black to stop inviting me to your boy shit!” I shouted at him. 

James and I would’ve shifted into our animagus forms and wrestled it out right there in the Common Room, if it hadn’t been for Sirius moseying over to us, having heard a girl screech his name. Must be like a call to arms for him. 

“Love, you talking about me again?” He made a sappy face at me. “Just can’t get enough of me?” 

James forgot that I was standing there when Sirius arrived. “Padfooooooot, stop tryna fuck magical creatures. Not cool, mate. You can do so much better.” 

Sirius snorted and burst into laughter, nearly making himself choke. “What, you mean Martha Clancy? She’s not that bad-looking. We already said that she only  _ verges _ on looking like a murtlap, not  _ is  _ a murtlap.” 

They high fived each other. How rude. I felt bad for Mary Clark, or whatever the hell her name was. “Pads, you should have seen the look on Amanda Davies’s face when you turned her down in Astronomy. She started crying!” 

“Prongs, you idiot, I was right there. Of course I saw it.” 

I turned away from the two arseholes and poured more than a few shots’ worth of firewhiskey into an empty cup nearby, and then chugged it. I coughed and cleared my throat after I downed it, my eyes burning with tears. “Fuck, does drinking this much firewhiskey make me a Hungarian Horntail?”

“No, you’re already as ugly as one,” James shot back, vexed that I’d made my presence known to him again. 

“Go fuck a hinkypunk, Rotter Four-Eyes.” 

Sirius just about died laughing at my insult, wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes as he leaned on James’s shoulder, an arm holding his heaving abdomen and dark, wavy hair falling across his face. “Merlin, that’s a new one, Prongs! We’ve gotta write that one down.” 

“I’ll fucking say more to Rotter any day.” 

Sirius shook his head in mock seriousness. “No, no, you’ve got it all wrong, love.” He looked at me, shooting me a smirk. “I want you screaming my name as I fuck you senseless every day.” He winked at me. 

I threw my hands up in exasperation. “Why do I even FUCKING bother! I’ll just drop out of school right now,” I said, pivoting around and throwing the cup into the fireplace. “I’m never coming back to Hogwarts! Never!” I marched away from the boys, and I was making a mad charge for the portrait hole when I nearly bowled Lily over. 

“Lily! What are you doing here? Are you ill?” I asked her, grabbing her by both shoulders and giving her a shake. 

Lily stared at me, shocked. “I think the better question is, what are you doing here, Kersti? You’re a Ravenclaw.” 

“Yes, my observant Lily, but your love interest’s best mate wants to sleep with me, so he keeps inviting me to shit.” 

Her eyebrows shot up. “Black invited you?” I nodded and gave her an incredibly goofy smile. She frowned then. “Are you drunk? And is that . . . weed I smell on you?” 

“Sorry, Lils. I’m kinda a lowlife drug user, will you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?” I said, giving her puppy dog eyes and sniffling. 

She shook her head and grabbed my arm, leading me over to an armchair in the corner. She quickly retrieved a glass and conjured some water for me, making me drink it. “You’ll thank me in the morning.” 

I nodded stupidly and somehow noticed James staring at Lily, whose back was to him, from the place where I’d left him and Sirius. “Why don’t you go dance with Rotter?” I asked her, overwhelmed by the elegant and understated smell of her perfume or hair shampoo, whichever was making her smell like her namesake. 

She met my eyes and turned pink. “No, I’d much rather not, Kersti.” 

“But why? Pretty please? For me? Pretty please with chocolate frogs on top?” 

“Will it make you stay here and finish your water and not have anything more to smoke or drink?” 

I clapped my hands together like a little kid. “Yes!” 

She sighed and straightened up, doing a brief once-over of her slim blue jeans and pretty green blouse that matched her pretty green eyes. I watched, giggling in anticipation, as she turned and walked over to James, who didn’t take his eyes off her once. I could barely make out the two of them talking through my blurred vision, and then James’s face lit up with the most brilliant smile I’d ever seen as he grabbed her hand and swept off to the dancefloor, a laughing Lily in tow. I lost sight of their bodies as they reached the makeshift dance floor, but I satisfied myself with the knowledge that they were most definitely both having a good time. And the added bonus was that I no longer had to deal with James. Unfortunately, I forgot about Sirius.

“Why’d you run away, love?” he said, taking a seat on the left arm of my armchair. He looked down at me, holding a lit cigarette in his right hand. “Most girls find me incomprehensibly sexy, I usually can’t shake them.” 

I looked up and met his eyes. “You’re sitting on my chair, I’ll push you off.” 

He grinned. “You’re bluffing. You need me in one piece so I can fuck you as hard as you want.” He took a drag from his cigarette and I rummaged in my robes, pulling out a fresh joint, seeing as I had misplaced the one that I had been smoking sometime after Peter had nearly set me on fire. 

“Does it get tiring, going around thinking every girl wants to fuck you?” 

He quirked an eyebrow at me and watched me as I lit the joint and started to smoke it. “Why would it? It’s true.” 

I burst into peals of laughter. “You’re a lying dog. I, for one, don’t want to sleep with you because I’m too sleep-deprived.”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and we both took hits from our poisons. “You mean, you’ve been deprived of sleeping with me for too long.” 

“You wish. You smell like a dog.” 

“Too bad you smell like a litterbox, Ridgelow.” 

I pretended to cry. “Is this your idea of charming a lady? So mean!” 

He shrugged but his wide grin gave him away. “Unconventional girls require unconventional methods.” 

I don’t know why I found that so funny, but I couldn’t stop laughing at that for a few minutes. Eventually I stopped wheezing enough to hit my joint again. I stared at the stream of smoke that I blew out, thinking about how I was such an odd sort, though whether it was because I was a Seer or I was just a strange person, I couldn’t figure out. I frowned. Why couldn’t I be normal? Would I give up the pain of being myself, of being a Seer, to just be a normal, albeit less smart, girl? I thought about what I would be like if I were like a typical witch my age at Hogwarts. Maybe I’d be better friends with Emily, Tess and Lia; maybe I’d be like Emily and my biggest concern in life would be wanting to attract the attention of an attractive boy my age. Perhaps if I were normal, I would be over the moon at the interest I was getting from the most popular bloke at Hogwarts, Sirius Black. 

“Fuck!” I said and rubbed my face. “I’m not drunk enough, I’m still worrying about stupid shit.” I stood up quickly and the room started to spin, but I clutched at my head and willed both my feet to stay on the ground. I turned my head to look at Sirius. “Wanna do some more shots?” 

He smirked. “Fuck yeah.” He unfolded his tall form from his spot balancing on the armchair and stood up. I had a dizzying moment when I realized how tall he was and how I could stand in his arms and my head would be at the perfect height for him to rest his chin on top of it. 

“FUCK!” I exclaimed. I wasn’t seriously (or rather,  _ siriusly _ ) starting to fall for him, was I? Sirius looked at me, an incredulous but highly amused expression on his face, all devilish grin and chuckling. “Come on,” I said and charged off towards the drink station. I squealed to a stop in front of the table, swiping a full bottle of Beetle Berry whiskey. I didn’t care what I drank, I just needed to shut off my goddamn brain for at least a little while. I turned to see Sirius behind me, already holding an empty cup in each hand. I tried to get the cork out of the bottle, but it was stuck and I didn’t have a Muggle corkscrew, so I turned to the nearest table and smashed the neck against the edge. I turned back to Sirius, the bottle of whiskey no longer corked, but the top of it was all mangled and broken, bits of glass most likely in the whiskey itself. He started laughing, seeing me looking so proud of myself when I could’ve just removed the cork with magic. He handed my cup to me and withdrew his wand from his pants pocket and waved it smoothly, undoing the damage that I’d done to the bottle and then uncorking it easily. He pocketed his wand and poured us both generous servings of the drink. 

“A toast?” I said, giggling. Merlin, now I was turning into one of  _ those _ giggling girls? Where was my pride!

He grinned even wider if that was possible, quite possibly because he was also feeling the drinks he’d already had. “To mischief?” 

“To mischief. And general douchery.” 

“Hey, I doubt you think I’m that bad, Ridgelow.” 

I frowned and pretended to think about it. “Yeah, you’re right, Black. That’s Rotter I’m thinking about.” 

“I’m always right,” he said, and then downed his drink. I tried to do the same, but ended up falling into a coughing fit at the burning of the whiskey as it slid down my throat. He chuckled at my suffering and stepped into my space to take my empty cup from me. 

“Oops! Broke my promise to Lils,” I mumbled, but I was distracted from my train of thought when I realized that Sirius was still in my space, not making any move to back away. I veered my head up to look at him, and saw that he was already looking down at me, his grey eyes fixed on my lips. I wasn’t drunk enough to have no judgement left, as the Beetle Berry hadn’t hit me yet, so I backed away from him and turned my attention back to my dwindling joint. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him frown, looking frustratedly at me. I suppose that I might be the first girl at Hogwarts to fend off his advances and to not be totally enamoured by him, the first girl to cock block him. Lily and I were shockingly both on ego-deflation duty this year for James and Sirius, respectively. I looked past Sirius to the dancefloor full of drunk teenagers, but I couldn’t spot Lily and James dancing, nor could I see Emily anywhere in the room as I scanned the rest of the Common Room. Maybe I should find Em so we could get out of here? Before I ended up making out with Sirius on one of the couches. 

Emily may not have appeared to prevent me from kissing Sirius, but the entrance of Professor McGonagall certainly did. I could hardly make out her regal figure as she entered through the portrait hole as the whiskey fogged my vision and brain, and with a wave of her wand she silenced the music and cast  _ sonorous _ on her voice. 

“200 points from Gryffindor! Never have I ever seen such irresponsible and frankly inappropriate behaviour from my own House students in all my years at Hogwarts.” I saw several students try to sneak out the portrait hole behind her or up to their dormitories in order to escape any punishment that they might receive, but McGonagall quickly flicked her wand and the portrait hole sealed itself shut and any student who set foot on the stairs up found it turned into a slide, regardless of whether they were a boy going up to a girl’s dormitory or vice versa. I turned to Sirius beside me and grabbed his cigarette right out of his fingers, tossing it and my joint into the fireplace behind us when McGonagall wasn’t looking. We might be guilty of being drunk, but the fewer drugs we were seen to have been consuming, the better. He seemed to catch on to my plan, as he flashed me a wink and then cast  _ scourgify _ on both of us. I wondered whether he were capable of taking anything seriously or if life were one big prank-fest to him and James. Probably the latter. 

Smarty pants McGonagall figured that there were students from other houses in attendance, and so shortly after her arrival Flitwick and Sprout also showed up. Flitwick was looking very irate and even from his short height, his flashing gaze was effective in chastising any Ravenclaws who were present, though most of them, including me, were too drunk to even notice that we were being rounded up by our Head of House. Sprout looked like a disappointed mother. The Gryffindors were too anal about their rivalry with Slytherins to invite any into their Common Room and so their Head of House wasn’t here, but if Slughorn were, who was well known to indulge in quite a bit of sherry at his Slug Club gatherings, he would definitely look like he would rather be in bed at this hour or enjoying his own drink with his students. 

The Heads of House walked amongst the students, separating the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws from the Gryffindor offenders, and eventually McGonagall arrived at mine and Sirius’s spot standing by one of the fireplaces. 

“Mr. Black, what a surprise to see you all by yourself and not in the company of Mr. Potter.” She looked at me and frowned. 

“Ridgelow. Fellow feline, Professor McGonagall,” I said, trying not to slur my words, and I heard Sirius snort as he tried to muffle his laughter, pretending that he was suddenly struck with a terrible coughing fit. 

McGonagall looked at me like I was out of my mind, which I definitely was, as I was both drunk and a Seer. Flitwick noticed me just then and came marching over to us. 

“Miss Ridgelow, please join your fellow Ravenclaws,” he said, staring me down and pointing to the others. I shrugged and gave Sirius the thumbs up. Flitwick stomped back over to the rest of the Ravenclaws whom he’d rounded up and who were standing by the portrait hole, and I followed him, doing the shimmy and dancing my way over there. Merlin, I was trashed. I heard Sirius barking out a laugh at my impromptu dancing, but he was quickly silenced by McGonagall. 

“Mr. Black, this is no laughing matter!” 

Both Sirius and I certainly begged to differ.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Flitwick brought me and the handful of other Ravenclaws back to our Common Room, where we all endured a long lecture about how we weren’t appropriately representing our house and how we were smarter than to engage in such juvenile, foolish behaviour, which was hammered home in particular with us seventh years. Emily curiously wasn’t among the other Ravenclaws. I’d have to ask her tomorrow where she had been. Flitwick deducted 30 points from Ravenclaw, but I think that he was so tired from being woken up in the middle of the night that that was as far as our punishment went. None of the Ravenclaws in attendance, including me, were serious repeat offenders, and so Flitwick thankfully didn’t up our punishment. Well, I could be severely punished, perhaps even expelled, for all the things that I did, but I had never gotten caught and I maintained such a low profile that I came off as a normal, rule-abiding student to almost everyone. On top of that, I had impeccable marks, which contributed to an innocent image. And unlike James and Sirius, I was more subtle about my disregard for rules, and I didn’t break rules just for the sake of breaking them or to be a troublemaker or perpetrate mischief, but simply because I couldn’t stand rules or authority and I had absolutely no regard for them. Eventually Flitwick dismissed us all to our beds, and since the alcohol and weed had evaporated my stress and slowed my mind to the pace of a slug, I collapsed into my bed, careful to not disturb Tess and Lia who were asleep, and drifted off almost immediately. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t find out who was the Head of Hufflepuff before Professor Sprout, so I made her the Head of House.


	9. Aftermath

On Saturday morning I woke up hungover, but thankfully I hadn’t been plagued by any dreams during the night and I didn’t retch from the alcohol. That Beetle Berry Whiskey had been a big mistake though, because my head was pounding like it was a cage trying to hold in angry Cornish pixies. Tess graciously woke me up when her and Lia got up so that I wouldn’t miss breakfast. 

“Ughhhhh, my head,” I moaned from under the covers, making them both laugh. 

“Come on, Kersti. You know you’ll feel better if you have something to eat,” Lia said, slipping on her weekend robes. Tess and I opted to both wear Muggle clothes, though Tess only wore them because she’d discovered how fashionable and comfortable they could be through many years of taking Muggle studies classes. Like Lia and Emily, Tess was also a pureblood, though neither she nor Lia had a family as pure-blooded as the Sandersons. I was the black sheep of the group as the only Muggleborn. 

“Where’s Em?” I asked as I dragged myself out of bed and tried to tidy my tangled hair, yawns splitting my face. 

“Dunno,” Tess said, her face buried in her dresser drawers as she hunted for something. 

“I don’t know either,” Lia said as she sat on the edge of her bed, flipping through her Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook while waiting for us to finish getting dressed. “I thought you two went to the party together?” 

“Nah, didn’t show up at the same time. By the time I got past the fat lady portrait everyone at the party was very drunk and I couldn’t see her anywhere.” 

“Shouldn’t’ve called her a bitch,” Tess said, laughing. 

“She deserved it. Fucking horrendous singing. Sounded like a kneazle being strangled.”

Tess laughed and Lia smiled, looking at me fondly. She may not be fond of stirring the pot or making a big stink herself, but my antics had always been highly amusing to her. They were more than welcome to watch my life fall apart from the comfort of their own stable ones. Eventually we left our dormitory and headed down to the Great Hall, Lia and Tess walking in front as I trudged behind them. The House tables in the hall were partially full, as most students liked to sleep in on the weekends. I was sure that James and Sirius were no exception to this, which would be nice for me as I would get to have a meal in peace as I nursed my aching head back to health. 

Lia, Tess and I bickered, joked and talked good naturedly as we served ourselves food and ate at the Ravenclaw table, and Lia was even nice enough to let me mix some strengthening solution that she had found laying around in her dresser into my morning cup of tea. When we had finished eating, I felt much better, but my headache still lingered, which was only natural given how much whiskey I’d had last night. The three of us were walking out of the Great Hall when Lily caught up to us from the very empty Gryffindor table. 

“Kersti,” she said, and I turned around to face her. She looked none the worse for wear, as she hadn’t been drinking last night, except her tense expression. “Can we talk?” 

I waved Tess and Lia to go on without me. “Sure. What’s up?” 

“Let’s find a more private place, shall we?” she said, and so we headed off to the magical staircases. I looked at her curiously as we walked, wondering what this was all about. Had she seen me drinking and smoking with Sirius and was pissed at me? She would be pissed, but I doubt she’d be so secretive about it and want to go some place where we wouldn’t be overheard. Lily picked an empty hallway on one of the top floors of the castle, with nothing but unused and dusty classrooms that branched off the corridor. Lily chose a deep alcove of a window and sat on the wide ledge, and I joined her. I studied her briefly as she sat near me, her eyes trained down on her fingers as she picked at a loose thread on her uniform skirt, her long red hair, so straight in comparison to my waves, cascading over her shoulders, tucked back behind her ears as usual. I looked away and cast a glance down the hallway. I’d probably been up here before in the early morning hours when I was reading a book or studying extra spells instead of sleeping and dreaming of some horrible snippet of the future, but the corridor wasn’t familiar to me in the light of the late-morning sunshine. 

Lily let out a deep sigh and I shifted my gaze back to her. “I just. . . don’t know what to think of it all. My feelings are so complicated this year, I can barely make sense of them.” She looked up at me tentatively and I offered her a kind smile and a nod to encourage her to continue. “You know how I felt about him before, we talked about it. But now, the way we talk, bicker. . . the way we interact feels so different from before.” She paused and glanced out the window, the sun catching her hair and turning it into the colour of a brilliant fire. “God, I don’t know what I’m saying. It all seems very silly to complain about such obvious things, doesn’t it?” She looked at me, giving me a rueful smile and shaking her head. 

“No, Lily, don’t fret about it. Feelings are tricky little bastards, especially when you develop them for someone whom you couldn’t stand for so many years. Things have changed, yes, but that doesn’t mean that intellectually we keep up with the shifts of life. They often happen too abruptly for us to process them in time. Usually, or perhaps this is just the case with my life,” I said and chuckled, “we’re left to try to catch up to our changing feelings and circumstances and relationships with others.” 

Lily was staring at me, her eyebrows raised. “My goodness, Kersti! No wonder you’re in Ravenclaw. That was a segment fit for Buddha.” 

I laughed, shaking my head. “Thank Merlin I get your Muggle references. And it wasn’t that perceptive. Just a fact of life. And I think in your case, it’s even more muddling because of what you said about how Snape and Potter see and treat you differently, and that they’ve been feuding since they first laid eyes on each other. So, you’ve also been saddled with a love triangle of sorts. Do you feel more strongly about Potter now? Or. . .?”

Lily cleared her throat, a blush spreading across her freckled cheeks and down her neck. “Yes, well, you see, I asked him to dance at the party last night, which you know of course, and that was all . . . _fine and dandy_.” I raised my eyebrows at her, and she turned a few shades redder and looked down at her hands. “But after that, I was having such a good time and we started talking, and it was like when we have our Head Girl and Boy duties. We just were enjoying talking to each other so much, and so I suggested we go somewhere quieter.” She cleared her throat again nervously. “We ended up going out into the hallway by the portrait hole and we were having such a nice time together.” 

“I can tell.” Lily gave me a stern look. “Sorry, sorry,” I said and smiled apologetically. “Please, continue.” 

“I was getting so overwhelmed by the. . . excitement of it all, and so I excused myself to go to the loo a little farther down the hallway.” Lily paused for a while, her cheeks flushed as she stared off into the distance, thinking hard about something. Eventually she resumed her recounting of the events the night before. “I was taking a few moments to freshen up in the bathroom, and I was standing in front of one of the sinks, planning on going back out anyway, when James came into the loo. I figured that he was wondering where I’d run off to.” 

“Or whether you’d fallen into one of the toilets.” 

Lily laughed. “Yes, that too. And I was in front of the sink mirror, and he came into the loo and. . .” she trailed off and was quiet for a beat. “And. . . he started kissing me. And I kissed him back.” She turned even more red, if that were possible, surpassing the colour of her hair. “It was so much. . . better than I thought it would be. He was so gentle and caring, so different from how he acts most of the time. And that’s how neither of us were caught, because we were _occupied_ when McGonagall found the party.” If she weren’t careful she might light herself on fire from her blushing at this rate. 

“So you don’t know how you should feel about him now?” I asked gently. 

“Yes. And I never thought that my first kiss would be so. . . _intense_ ,” she muttered. 

I smiled at her, remembering my first kiss, which had been with a Muggle boy that I had known from before Hogwarts during the summer between my fifth and sixth years. “Don’t worry, Lily. Everyone is overwhelmed and nervous when they first start kissing blokes. No need to be ashamed. As long as _you_ chose to kiss Potter, and you enjoyed it, no harm done. Over time you get more confident.” She smiled at me and let out a breath of air that she’d been holding in unconsciously. “I’m glad that you had a good first kiss, and with a boy you like to boot. Although I can’t say that I’m not surprised that was your first kiss. With your looks, any bloke would be thrilled to kiss you.” 

This time Lily giggled and blushed at my compliment. “The only boy I hung out for so many years was Severus, and we were strictly friends. And then, you know, my studies have always been so important to me. And being a Prefect. And being Head Girl this year.” 

“Hey, no rush. Better to save your first kiss, or should I say kissing session, for a bloke you like. So does this mean you two are dating now?” 

Lily shook her head. “No. At least I don’t think so?” She turned worriedly to me. “Do you think he thinks that we’re dating? We never talked about it but-” 

“Don’t stress it, Lily. It’ll be on your terms. Afterall, you still have the Hogsmeade date with him, and you two aren’t going as a couple.” 

She sighed and ran a hand over her face, clearly feeling overwhelmed by the dramatic shift in her rapport and interactions with James. “See, the thing is-” 

“Lily! I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” And speaking of the devil, there was James Potter, striding frantically down the hall towards us, a scurrying Peter trying to keep up with his long legs, with Sirius keeping up easily with his friend’s long stride. There was no Remus in sight. I was starting to think that they were sending Peter to stalk the girls that they were obsessed with in his rat form, and then making him secretly relay their locations to the two Casanovas. Was it too much to ask that they bugger off while Lily and I had a quiet conversation? I watched, my irritation growing, as James and Sirius stopped in front of our alcove while Peter hung back awkwardly as the third wheel. James took a moment to muss the top of his hair, while Sirius merely stuck his hands in his pockets, his tie askew as usual, his shirt sleeves rolled up to the elbows. I wanted to stare at his perfect face and admire his dark, ruffled waves of hair, but I was feeling too proud to do that this morning. Jesus fucking Christ, I was starting to fall for his charm, wasn’t I? 

“Fuck. Why can’t you leave us the fuck alone?” I bit out, pissed at myself for letting Sirius wiggle his way into my brain and for reactivating my previously-deceased sex drive. 

“Kersti! Language!” Lily exclaimed, frowning at me. 

I rubbed at my temples, my hangover headache threatening to reemerge. “Sorry, just too hungover to deal with these fu- tossers,” I finished lamely. 

Sirius grinned. Fuck, why couldn’t he just not look so handsome for once? “You were the one who wanted to do more shots, Ridgelow.” 

Lily turned to me, clearly irritated. “You said you weren’t going to have any more to drink or smoke if I agreed to dance with James!”

“Shit, sorry,” I muttered and gave Sirius the stink eye for ratting me out. He just shrugged, still grinning at me. 

“Merlin-fucking-curse you, Grindylow,” James said, rounding on me as if I had just ruined any chance he’d had with Lily. “So you didn’t want to dance with me, Evans?” he asked Lily, looking hurt. 

“No, I did, I do want to and-”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Lily muttered, the furious blush returning yet again, while a loopy, deranged smile took over James’s face. She was probably thinking about their steamy kissing encounter. “Still, we had a deal, Ridgelow,” she said to me, not impressed with my “reprehensible” behaviour. 

“I know, I’m sorry, Lily. If you want to blame someone, you can blame him,” I said, nodding towards Sirius. 

“Liar, Ridgelow. You didn’t need any encouragement from me to go back to the drinks,” he snapped, his mouth twisting into a frown. I tried to protest but he cut me off. “In fact, you and I both know that if McGonagall hadn’t busted the party, you and I would have done a lot more than shots together.” 

A loaded silence followed and I glared at Sirius, irked at how much of a handsome arsehole he was. He raised a perfect, haughty eyebrow at me and we shared an irritated look. “Come on, Lily. Let’s get out of here,” I said, still with my gaze locked on Sirius. Lily nodded and we both got up from our seats. “Not my fault that I cock-blocked you,” I said pointedly at Sirius, and turned away to march down the corridor, a perplexed Lily jogging to catch up with me. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Once again Lily and I took refuge in the Ravenclaw Common Room like we had for studying Ancient Runes, but this time it was to deter Sirius Black, and not James Potter, from coming after us. Well, from potentially coming after me to try to make as many sexual innuendos as it would take for me to end up in his bed and under him. A few curious students looked up as we entered the Common Room, as Lily was well known among the student population for her status as not only the Head Girl this year and a Prefect previously, but also because she was one of the top students in our year. Plus, she was well known to the female student body, regardless of Houses, because of James’s blatant pursuit of her all these years, and the resulting number of rejections that she’d heaped on him up until quite recently. There was some jealousy involved in Lily’s reputation among the other girls, I was sure. With a sinking stomach, I realized that the curious gazes from other girls in the Common Room weren’t exclusively directed at Lily and her being a Gryffindor, but also at me. If Mary and Marlene had already known about my increased involvement with Sirius when I’d crashed their dinner, then it looked like my reputation was not only proceeding me there, but throughout the castle. Unfortunately for me, Sirius was so popular among the ladies that I wouldn’t be surprised if I were to start getting death threats or howlers over my morning tea in the Great Hall. Fuck. 

Lily and I chose a secluded spot in the corner of the room and took an armchair each. She was still looking at me with a confused expression on her face as we got ourselves seated. “So, spill the beans. What on earth was that all about back there?” she asked, leaning forward to fix me with a pointed look. “I told you everything, it’s only fair that you do the same for me.” 

I sighed and took a quick glance around the room, noting that several Ravenclaw girls my age and younger were still ogling me. Lily noticed and quickly cast a silencing charm so that we wouldn’t be overheard. “Ever since I agreed to Hogsmeade,” I started, “Sirius has really been laying it on thick with the charm. And both unintentionally and intentionally, we’ve been running into each other a lot between classes, with you, and elsewhere. And at the party last night, I ran into Rotter and we were having words, and Sirius was there too, and when I stomped off to be free of them, that’s when I ran into you.” I paused and sighed deeply. “And when you went off to dance with Rotter, Sirius couldn’t leave well enough alone, and so he started chatting me up again, and I wanted to do more shots because. . .” I couldn’t tell her that it was because I had been stressing over being a Seer. “Because I needed to be more drunk to not lose my temper with Rotter.” 

“Well, did you kiss him?” 

I laughed, shaking my head. “Merlin, no. He really wanted me to do that and more, as you can tell, and I certainly would’ve if I’d done the shots earlier and been more drunk in that moment, but unfortunately for him I still had my self-control. His comments are mostly hot air.” 

Lily leaned back, looking at me thoughtfully. “So, Black wants to have a roll in the hay with you, but you don’t? Or won’t?” 

“It’s my pride.” 

“Ah, I see.” Lily smiled mischievously then. “This will make for a most fascinating Hogsmeade date, not just for me, but also for you. Seems I’m not the only one who has a complicated rapport with their date.” 

I smiled ruefully at her. “The Hogsmeade date of the century, it would seem.” 

“You must be on more familiar terms with him if you’ve started calling him just ‘Sirius’ and not the usual ‘Black,’” she said and raised an eyebrow at me. 

Oh, god. I had been doing that unintentionally? “Caught red-handed by the genius Lily Evans,” I mumbled, rubbing my face with both hands. 

“This is why you could talk to me about having evolving feelings so easily, because it’s the same with you!” she said, flashing me a grin. “Takes one to know one I suppose?” I laughed, conceding that point to her. “Well, like you said, ‘don’t stress it, Kersti,’” she added, doing her best imitation of me. “Both of our boy situations will sort themselves out.” 

“See? You’re wise too, have to give yourself more credit, Lily.” 

She smiled to herself, tucking some thick red hair behind her ears. “What’s that saying, ‘misery loves company?’ At least we’ve already agreed to go as a double date, because now we both have a way out should things get difficult.” 

“And thank Merlin for that,” I said.

“But you did have a good time with him last night, did you not?” I nodded and Lily continued. “So why do you have such a short fuse with him this morning then?” 

“I think it’s the hangover and my temper. And it does make me barmy that he assumes that every girl wants to sleep with him, and he and James can be such arrogant toerags, as you put it nicely two years ago.” We had a good laugh about that, sharing in our frustration with the two wankers and in our confusion about our changing feelings. I was too proud to admit to her that Sirius’s interest in me was starting to get to my head, and that, yes, I was dreading the Hogsmeade outing, but increasingly I was also full of nervous anticipation and excitement at what might happen between us during or after the ‘date’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seemed more suitable for James to swear using Merlin, as opposed to “god-fucking-damn you” which Kersti uses.


	10. A Hogsmeade Snooze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all enjoy this THICC chapter ;)
> 
> Sit next to me by Foster the people

Later that Saturday after Lily had left me to go to her own Common Room and tend to her Head Girl duties, Tess and Lia returned with Emily in tow. As it turned out, Emily had left the party a short while after I had arrived because she had gotten quite involved with a Gryffindor seventh year, Riley Rafferty, and then had slept the night with him in his four poster bed. Emily was happy to share the details with us of how her new fling with a boy had come about. As the story went, she had been having a drink and Riley had approached her and they had started flirting. I’d never heard of him before, but Emily confirmed that that was due to him being incredibly studious and more on the quiet side; however, she did adamantly assure us that he was a catch and very easy on the eyes. It made sense, as for almost all the Gryffindor boys, most of them were totally outshined by James Potter and Sirius Black as the two most sought-after blokes at Hogwarts. Turns out Riley had been a longtime admirer of Emily’s prowess in the Duelling Club, albeit from afar, and as they had talked and each had a few drinks, one thing had led to another and they had gone up to Riley’s dorm to get down and dirty. Both of them had been too drunk to attempt any sort of counterspell for the spell that turned the boys’ dormitory staircase into a slide when a girl tried to go up, and so Riley had apparently given Emily a piggyback ride up to his dormitory, a fact which she seemed to find incredibly endearing. Lia, Tess and I were then subjected to an excessively detailed account of the pair’s ensuing sexual encounter. Merlin, if I slept with Sirius, I didn’t care how much pestering I might get from Emily, or even Lia, but there was no way that I would be divulge all the nasty details of us fucking. I liked to think that I was too much of a private person to do that.

The remainder of September passed without too much drama, except for a couple jinxes that Avery tried to send my way, for which I had been thankfully awake, and thus managed to block them all with  _ protego _ . Lia, Tess, Emily and I were often cooped up in the Ravenclaw tower studying, but I managed to spend a fair chunk of my time also studying with Lily for the classes we had together, and as a result we had to become more and more clever in hiding from James, who, without fail, seemed to know where we were, and more often than not was accompanied by Sirius and Peter. I had started barricading us in classrooms that were in disuse, warding the door with disguising charms and spells that prevented anyone from opening it, but still we’d often end up hearing James calling to Lily through the door, accompanied by what I recognized as Sirius’s barks of laughter and Peter’s giggling. He’d stopped hunting Lily down for only a few days when I’d charmed the door knob to be burning hot to the touch, and the idiot had tried to grab the handle, and he’d been sent to the Hospital Wing for the remainder of that evening. I’d now eliminated their constant knowledge of our whereabouts as the result of Peter following us in rat form, and now, in the first week of October, Lily and I were trying to find out if the answer to them tracking us was a neat charm or an item, with no luck so far. 

But luckily for Emily, she was still sleeping with Riley, and exclusively too. It was also great for me because she now seemed to be totally over her infatuation with Sirius, which was great timing because I couldn’t get him to leave me alone now and every single time we ran into each other, he always liked to slip a sexual innuendo or reference or two or three (or four) into our conversations. This was probably the longest that he’d concentrated on seducing a girl in all his years at Hogwarts, which I didn’t take as a compliment. However, his incessant flirting with me had taken its toll, and as the days passed I became increasingly aware that I was in desparate need of a good fuck, as I’d last slept with a boy in July over the break, and he hadn’t been the most talented when it came to sex. The question was, would I cave to Sirius and let him turn me into another one of his many short-lived flings? And if I did, how would that work with me hanging out with Lily after he moved on? I’d never had to deal with resuming normal terms with a fuck buddy before, and my dread about how that would work out was what had kept me at bay from fucking Sirius for the rest of September and the beginning of October. 

The Ravenclaw Common Room and dormitories were a buzz of conversation and gossip after classes on the first Friday of October, as the first Hogsmeade trip of the year would be happening the next day, with all the students gathering in the clocktower courtyard and then leaving for a half-day trip away from the castle and most of the professors. 

“Merlin, Riley will probably look so hot in his non-school robes, I can’t wait to see him,” Emily said, clapping her hands together excitedly as she tried on different clothes in front of her mirror. 

“I’m really happy for you, Em,” Lia said, coming to stand beside her and hold some pieces of jewelry to her neck and ears to see if they would match her outfit. “Riley has been nothing but sweet to you since you two first started sleeping together.” 

“And way too good looking,” Tess grumbled from her bed, lying on her stomach, chin propped in her palm. “Can you find me a bloke to date this year, Em? I’m tired of having no fun and watching you get all the blokes.” 

“But isn’t it worse to waste your time with a dreadfully boring boy than to be by yourself?” I asked her, lying on my back on Lia’s bed, looking up at the blue ceiling. 

“Shut up, Kersti!” she said, and threw a pillow at my face, which I wasn’t fast enough to catch, and so it did hit me. “You’re going with the most desired bloke at Hogwarts, Sirius Black. You’re as bad as Em.” 

“Why is that my fault?” 

“Don’t give me a lecture about going stag, that’s rich coming from you.” 

Lia turned to look at Tess. “Don’t know what to tell you, Tess. You know that I’m going by myself too, and in fact, we’re going to be hanging out together. I promise that we’ll stick around for a while in The Three Broomsticks, if that makes you feel better.” 

Tess flopped back around so that she was on her back like me. “Oh, the agony! My broken heart! Will I be destined to die alone?” she wailed dramatically, and she and I broke down into laughter at her melodrama. The last thing that Tess would be upset about would be not having a date to Hogsmeade. 

“Merlin, Tess, I should’ve known that you were joking. Not like you to be like this,” Lia said, turning back to help Em with some different accessories.

“Just having some fun Friday night bants, don’t mind me.”

“But seriously, Kersti, I never would’ve thought that you’d be going to the first Hogsmeade trip of the year with Sirius Black,” Lia said to me, chuckling to herself. 

“You’re telling me,” I muttered. 

“He must really be desperate for your pussy,” Tess burst out, and then started cackling. 

“Jesus Christ, woman, you’re in a weird mood today,” I said to her, throwing the pillow back at her bed. “All kind of happened in a blur, really,” I said, shifting to lie on my stomach on Lia’s bed so I could talk to her. 

“Anything planned for it?” Emily asked, twirling in front of the mirror to see how her current casual robes looked on her. 

“It’s a double date, actually.” 

Lia and Emily both turned to me. “Really?” Lia said. “Who else is going?”

“Is it Evans and Potter?” Emily asked. 

“Yep.” 

“My word, I’d love to be a fly on the wall for your boy adventure that you and Evans have planned for tomorrow. Dare I say good luck in staying sane and in one piece?” Lia said. 

I laughed, thinking about how my sanity would be tested tomorrow by James, while Sirius would be testing my control over my sex drive and hormones. “Lily and I will be evenly matched, so I think the risk of me not making it back to Hogwarts alive is low.” 

“Thank Merlin for that, yeah?” Lia said. “Don’t forget, you promised me last year that you would help me pass my Transfiguration NEWT.” 

“She can still tutor you even if she’s missing her legs and confined to a wheelchair, destined to be supervised by Pomfrey and the St. Mungo’s staff for the rest of her life.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Tess! I’m starting to think that you want that to happen to me,” I said to her. “It’d be mutually assured destruction if Potter tried to incapacitate me that much, like the Muggles and their silly atomic bombs, and Lily would never forgive him.” 

Em, Lia and Tess turned to look at me. “Atomic bombs? What in Merlin’s name are those?” Em said to me. 

“Nevermind,” I said, waving my hands. “Muggle stuff.” 

“So, if it’s a double date, will the four of you be showing up to Madam Puddifoot’s for a romantic tea?” Lia asked, raising an eyebrow at me. 

I burst out laughing. “God, I hope not. I’m only going on a double date with Lily because she might need my moral support and I can make some excuse that I need her to visit the loo with me if she needs to get away from Potter. He promised her a trip to the bookstore, so hopefully she’ll get too wrapped up in there before I end up getting roped into going to Madam Puddifoot’s.” 

“You sure? Don’t you want to go in there with your  _ date _ , Kersti?” Tess asked me, stretching a leg off the side of her bed to poke me in the side with her toes. 

“Please, when have I ever been one to go into that tea shop before? And it’s so stuffy and cozy in there, you know that I’d fall asleep.” 

Lia and Emily shared a look with each other and chuckled. “So, let me get this straight,” Em said. “You’re the first girl in Hogwarts history to  _ be asked by _ Sirius Black to go on a Hogsmeade outing with him, and you’re not even going to seize the opportunity to spend your date with him in Madam Puddifoot’s? You do know that you’re the talk of the female students not only in our year, but in the other years, for snatching him up, Kersti? There are so many girls that would kill to be in your position right now.” 

“So?” I retorted, rolling over to lie on my back again. “They can ask him to go with them, then. I don’t give a shit if I go with him or not. In fact, it’ll be a punishment since I’ll have to watch out for Potter trying to hex me.” 

“Merlin, you are strange,” Emily muttered, turning back to her mirror. 

“Better keep an eye on Avery, Kersti. He’ll be none too pleased seeing who’s going with you,” Lia warned me as she turned back to fiddle with the sleeve of Em’s robes that wouldn’t lie right. 

“No need to worry about me, Lia. I’ll be just fine.” And I certainly would be physically. But I had lied when I said that I didn’t care if I went with Sirius or not, as I was coiled tight with trepidation for tomorrow morning. 

  
  
  
  


I tossed and turned that night, feeling a dream trying to burst its way through my conscious mind whenever I felt myself drifting off to sleep. Sometime around 3 AM, I did fall asleep, but I awoke only two hours later from the same dream that I’d had a few days after returning to Hogwarts in September. It had been the same black door in the same long row of townhouses, the number 12 of the address burning a hole in my brain. This time, I had taken a moment to turn around slowly on the threshold before the black door, taking in the dark and eerie street behind me. I’d seen a street sign in the near distance, which said that I was on a street called ‘Grimmauld Place.’ Who lived at number 12 Grimmauld Place? Was it anyone whom I knew? Or had I not met the person yet? And why was I here looking for whomever was supposed to be living here? Who was the person who lived at number 12 whom I was so tragically in love with, and what had happened to him so that he had been taken away from me? 

I had gotten dressed and brushed my hair after getting up, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to sleep again that night for fear that I’d end up right back before the black door from my dream. I’d gone into the bathroom to do a once-over of my appearance, but a headache had reared its ugly head and split my head with extreme flashes of pain, making me whip around and fall to my knees before the toilet, retching violently for what had felt like hours. After I’d puked up anything that had been remaining in my stomach, I’d finished getting ready, grabbed my wand and headed down the stairs from the Ravenclaw tower and to the frigid, dark ground floors of the castle. I exited the castle and crossed the clocktower courtyard where I would be meeting Lily, Rotter and Sirius in a little over four hours, and once I had reached the safe cover of the Forbidden Forest, I shed my human form and fell to all fours, now in my tiger form with my striped hide and sharp claws protruding from my paws. I passed a forepaw over my head and muzzle, clearing any debris from my eyes, whiskers and nose. Was my animagus form bigger than Sirius’s? I had certainly been better matched to fight Remus during the full moon, and there was no question of who’d win if it were a fight between James and I. But I hadn’t been focused on Sirius when I’d stumbled upon the boys fighting, and so I didn’t know whether my tiger form might be in fact bigger than Sirius’s dog form. And poor Peter wouldn’t stand a chance against me; I could hunt his animagus. 

I stalked off into the woods, swivelling my ears to catch any noises around me, my eyes easily guiding me with their superior nighttime vision. I walked with my massive mouth open, letting scents wash over all my sensory organs, not just using my nose to smell. Part of me found it funny, all the crazy events that had brought me closer to the infamous Marauders, and how much my life had changed. Last year I’d only said hi to Lily in passing, and sometimes Remus, and it was only at the end of the year when I’d rejected Avery that I had started to get revenge on him for trying to make me look like a fool. And now, in such a short time, I was friends with Lily, butting heads with Rotter on the daily, and considering accepting Sirius’s advances, whose life I had saved from his werewolf friend when I’d unintentionally stumbled upon them as I’d walked in the forest, trying to run away from my dreams. God, would what had happened so far be the extent of this year’s chaos? Or should I batten down the hatches in preparation for a storm? 

When the October sun started to rise in the sky and illuminate the forest, I turned back and stuck to pacing the forest nearest to the clocktower courtyard. I could make out the semi walls around the courtyard with the massive arched doors and walkways that were cut out of the stone, and I could just make out a little bit of the inside of the courtyard. I padded over to a tree on the very edge and layed down in the darkness of its shadow. As I rested my head on my front paws, I watched students trickle into the courtyard from their Houses, some tugging toques and gloves on to ward against the fall chill in the air. I watched McGonagall arrive, using my cat’s hearing to listen to her explaining the intricacies of a Hogsmeade outing to the third years, for whom this was their first trip. I waited half an hour, finally hearing the louder chatter and laughter of older students who had arrived. I let out a deep woof of air. I was still feeling crummy from that terrible dream and I wasn’t feeling particularly in the mood to be around Rotter or go to Hogsmeade, but I couldn’t leave Lily hanging. I got up to all fours and gave myself a big shake to rid myself of the leaves and needles sticking to me, and then transformed back, taking a moment to stretch my back as I stood. Here goes nothing. 

I started walking towards the courtyard, trying to tamp down my temper so that I didn’t let Rotter get to me before we’d even left for Hogsmeade. I wondered if Tess, Lia and Em were there yet. I came to the courtyard, waiting a moment in one of the doorways. Students from all Houses stood in groups, some by the edges, others sitting on the benches in front of the fountain. The happy conversations of the students washed over me, and I scanned the gathering in front of me, looking for either Tess, Em and Lia; or Lily. I spotted Emily in her immaculate weekend robes, blonde hair white against the fabric, a grinning Riley standing with her and holding her gloved hands, but no Tess or Lia in sight. I frowned, looking for Lily, finally spotting her standing with Mary and Marlene, next to what looked like most of the seventh year Gryffindors. I started to walk over to her, entering the courtyard. From the corner of my eye I saw some girls from both my year and younger turning to stare at me, whispering to each other. God-fucking-damn it. So this was Sirius’s notoriety in action? Some younger Gryffindor girls were rude enough to point and laugh at me, and so I gave them the finger, not even turning to acknowledge them. That certainly made them fall silent. 

“Fucking slut,” I heard someone say when I passed them, and I stopped to turn to whomever had said that, my eyes landing on Avery standing with his arms crossed, an ugly expression on his face as he stared at me. Snape stood a little farther away, talking with some other Slytherins, while Mulciber was looking greedily from Avery to me, clearly wanting a fight. Jesus, my fuse was too short to deal with these buggers at the moment. I met his eyes, my fists clenching. If I weren’t careful, I might end up transforming back into my animagus and clawing him. Instead of having the satisfaction of ripping him to shreds with my claws and teeth, I simply raised my lip and snarled at him, and then turned away, marching over to Lily. 

“No, I tweaked the final part of it, so I could do a better job explaining the importance of noting its odourless taste, so that-” Lily trailed off from her explanation of something to Mary and Marlene when she noticed me striding up to them. “Hi, Kersti. I was starting to think that you were backing out of our arrangement?” 

I smiled at her, Mary and Marlene in greeting. “That wouldn’t be very nice of me, Lily. Are the boys here yet?” 

Lily sighed and checked her Muggle watch. “Late. As usual.”

“Well, not late. We’re not due to leave for another few minutes, and you know that Potter is far too excited at being able to take you on a proper one-on-one date, and not your usual romantic Heads patrols, to be late,” Marlene giggled. 

Lily frowned in what looked to be an attempt to hide her blush. “Don’t be silly, there’s nothing romantic whatsoever about our nighttime patrols.” 

“You sure? I’ve heard it’s quite a tradition for the Head Girl and Boy to christen their positions by having sex during their patrol time,” Mary added. 

“What? That’s not true!” Lily spluttered. 

“Aren’t they supposed to fuck in the prefects’ bathroom for that occasion too?” Marlene said. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Lily snapped.

I looked around and spotted the boys striding into the courtyard. Remus and Peter were walking in behind as Peter discussed something animatedly, waving his hands while he talked (probably Honeydukes), while James led the charge towards Lily, followed by Sirius who looked as handsome as ever. Fuck me. “Speak of the devil, and he doth appear,” I muttered to Lily, and she turned to face James and Sirius as they eventually stopped to stand in front of us. 

“Good morning, my beautiful Lilykins,” James said, looking at her with a slightly deranged smile on his face. He could pass as someone who’d been drinking with that expression. “Are you excited for our date to Hogsmeade together?” 

“James, it’s not a date. We’re not  _ dating _ yet.”

“Ah, but you said ‘yet’. This will surely be the first of many wonderful dates that we go on together, my precious Lily-of-the-valley, I promise you that.”

Lily looked at James crossly, even as her red face gave her away. 

I turned away from the two lovebirds to look at Sirius, who was standing between James and I, looking nonchalantly around the courtyard, running a hand through his long hair. He smirked when he saw me looking at him. “Excited, love?” 

I returned his smirk, rolling my eyes. “What type of  _ excitement _ are you referring to, Black?” 

“Whatever kind you want, love. Just tell me and I’ll be more than happy to  _ oblige _ ,” he said and raised a dark eyebrow at me. 

“Well, if you’d so  _ oblige  _ me, what is it that allows you and Rotter to always find Lily and I while we’re trying to study in peace? A charm, spell, item . . .? He even knew where we were when I charmed the empty classroom door to look like a moving portrait.”

Sirius smirked, his grey eyes alight as he looked down at me. “Sorry, love. Not my secret to tell.” 

“Bull-SHIT.”

“No, just mischief and, as you say, ‘douchery.’ Where would the fun be in divulging our secrets?” he said, and then leaned in close to me to softly say, “And, now you know that I can always find you whenever you need me to fuck you until you scream my name.” 

My heart thudded in my chest as he flashed me a wink and that damn smile of his. “Fuck off, you arsehole,” I laughed, and shoved him away lightly. He just grinned wider, looking quite pleased with himself. Only under the influence of Veritaserum would I ever admit that him telling me how I was going to call out his name as he fucked me made my stomach drop in desire and anticipation. God, I was losing my mind along with my pride and Sirius Black would be the death of me.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Somehow James, Lily, Sirius and I made it to Hogsmeade in one piece, without James and I butting heads yet. The town was bustling with witches and wizards of all ages, the third years dashing from one shop to the next in what was an entertaining effort to visit all of them before McGonagall rounded them up. Now that we were in Hogsmeade proper, the looks and staring from the female students had increased dramatically, as the four of us were almost certainly the talk of the past week. Seeing James and Lily on a date, getting along and smiling goofily at each other was surprising enough, but on top of that there was Sirius who attracted attention wherever he went, and the knowledge that he had been the one to approach a girl for a Hogsmeade date for the first time ever. I couldn’t imagine what the reactions from the girls we walked by would be if they knew that I was a Muggleborn; I didn’t even want to think about it. 

When we first arrived, Lily decided that a stop into the bookstore was in order as the first item on the itinerary, and so her and I walked in front, the boys behind us. Lily was talking a mile-a-minute about some Potions book that she was going to look for there, while I was trying to will away the yawns and shivers that were racking my body. I could hear James and Sirius walking just behind us, talking about the Gryffindor quidditch team, seeing as they were both the top players on the team; James was the Captain and star Chaser, while Sirius was the star Beater. Poor Tess, having to go up against those two buggers at some point this season. 

“Kersti!” I looked up and saw Tess and Lia leaving Gladrags Wizardwear, Tess’s frizzy hair somewhat-contained in a low bun, while Lia had a pink toque pulled down past her ears, her nose pink and running. Tess’s eyes landed on Sirius and James as the four of us paused in front of them, Lily smiling kindly at Tess and Lia, while James and Sirius were entrenched in an alarmingly animated debate about a nasty quidditch maneuver that they were going to pull on the Slytherins the next time that they faced off on the pitch. 

“What’s up? Been shopping for long?” I asked. 

Tess and Lia dragged their attention away from the boys to look at me. “No, not much. You?” 

“We’re en-route to the bookstore,” Lily said. 

“How . . . romantic?” Tess said and gave me a sneaky look. 

I raised an eyebrow at her. “You said it, not me.” 

“Just wanted to remind you, Kersti,” Tess said, her smile too mischievous for my liking, “don’t give up the  _ goodies _ on the first date.” 

Lily started blushing and cleared her throat emphatically, while Lia’s mouth dropped open, her eyebrows shooting up as she looked at Tess. “Well, look who’s going by themselves and can’t get laid. Piss off. No need to be such an immature cow,” I said, and I heard Sirius chuckle behind me. Tess looked at me for a moment before we both burst out laughing. 

“Merlin, Kersti, that’s a first. Never called me an immature cow before,” Tess said, wheezing from the laughter. I just shrugged and flashed her a wide grin. Lia and Lily were looking from Tess to I, confused by our odd, insulting banter. 

“Come on, Lily, we’re losing valuable time in the bookstore,” I said to her, turning and stepping away from Tess and Lia. 

“Love you too, bitch!” I heard Tess call out jokingly, and I waved to her from behind my back. Lily and I resumed our path towards the book shop, but I was distracted again from what she was saying about the Potions book by James and Sirius whispering behind us. I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but I didn’t like the idea of them being so secretive and walking behind me with my exposed back, so I quickly cast a non-verbal  _ protego  _ charm on myself, discreetly waving my wand. Lily stopped mid-sentence when she noticed me waving my wand, looking at me curiously. She opened her mouth to say something to me, when James’s jinx hit me from behind. I knew it. Unfortunately for him, it bounced right off my shield charm and instead hit Lily. I watched in shock as Lily stood there, eyes wide and her face turning a queasy green shade, before she bent over and started throwing up slugs. 

I turned around to see James, face white as a sheet, eyes wide as he rushed to Lily’s side. She was too preoccupied with the effects of the slug-vomiting charm to push him away as he tried to comfort her over the sounds of her retching. 

“I’m so so sorry, my Lily, it was meant for Grindylow, you know I’d never curse you or do anything to-” 

Lily looked up at him during a pause in her slug vomiting. “Shut up, Potter, and get me some treacle fudge or I’ll-” 

I cringed as she bent over again and puked up a particularly gross and slimy slug. James looked up, panicked. “Padfoot, can you please-” 

“Yeah, yeah, on it now, Prongs,” Sirius said and turned to me. “Race you to Honeydukes, Ridgelow?” 

I didn’t respond, just whipped around and took off at a mad dash towards the sweets shop. I wasn’t a match for Sirius’s long legs, though in our animagi form we would have been better matched, and he easily overtook me, beating me by a long shot. I slid to a stop beside him in front of Honeydukes, and he laughed at my wind-blown hair and panting breaths. 

“I’d have given you a run for your money if we could’ve raced as animagi,” I got out between breaths, wiping the sweat from my brow. 

He raised an incredulous eyebrow. “Really? I disagree. You’ve never seen me run as Snuffles, I’d beat your mangy striped hide any day.” 

“You’ve no idea what you’re talking about, Black,” I said, giving him a look. He just grinned at me as we opened the door to Honeydukes and headed inside. Thanks to Sirius’s charm and exceedingly good looks, one of the female staff members quickly found the treacle fudge for us and got us through the check-out line. Sirius and I burst out of the crowded store, but this time I didn’t wait for him and took off at a mad dash back to Lily and James. He still beat me to them, despite my head start. 

James looked up and relief washed over his features as Sirius and I jogged up to him, and he quickly took the fudge from Sirius and gave some to Lily, who shoved it all in her mouth in one go and swallowed it quickly. 

I watched Lily take a few deep breaths and then stand up straight, looking righteously pissed at James, who hung his head in shame. “Ten points from Gryffindor. And don’t you dare try to jinx Kersti again in front of me, James Potter,” she snapped, pushing some red strands of hair out of her clammy and pale face. She spun around on her heel and marched off to the bookstore, which was thankfully only a few yards from us at this point, while I scurried after her, trying to catch up.

Lily shoved open the front door of the green-painted shop and I slipped in after her, watching as she barrelled off in a mood to what must be the Potions section. I took the aisle to my right instead and weaved my way through the dusty shelves, looking for the section of the store that might have books about prophecies and Seers. I completely forgot about Sirius, James and Lily as I ended up in a back corner of the shop, sneezing from the thick dust that coated everything. The bookshelves were dark and towered over me, but I set to picking tomes off the shelves, flipping through ones that might have anything to help me with being a Seer. I’d read everything from the Hogwarts’ library, and rereading books on Seers wasn’t cutting it anymore, not with the increasingly-distressing dreams this year. Finally I found one that discussed hypothetical potions that might induce, prevent or increase the clarity of visions among Seers. I cracked the book open eagerly, my eyes poring over the materials and potions that might trigger certain reactions from my kind. 

I didn’t know how long I had been standing there, my face mere inches from the print as I read it in the darkened back half of the store, but I was so absorbed in the reading that I wasn’t paying attention to what was going on around me until it was too late. 

“Boo!” Sirius said from behind me, reaching out to suddenly grab my shoulders. 

“AHHHH, FUUUCKKK!” I screamed, so startled that I jumped and dropped the book, whipping around and coming face to face with Sirius. 

He was laughing hysterically at my extreme reaction, falling into a coughing fit as he struggled to catch his breath. I picked up the book from the floor and frowned at him, crossing my arms. “Not funny, Sirius.”

He finally caught his breath enough to respond after a few minutes. “Merlin, you should have seen your face, you looked like I was a dementor that had just appeared.” 

“Funny for you, not for me. Luckily you didn’t try to pounce on me in my animagus form, or else you might’ve gotten clawed.”

Sirius made a pouty face at me. “Intentionally clawed me, love? Why would you ever want to ruin my good looks over a silly prank?”

“I don’t know, because you need your ego taken down a couple pegs?” 

“No need to be such a spoilsport, love. It’s all in good fun.”

“That’s funny, Sirius, because I-” 

“Ahem.” I whipped around and saw a wizened old man, half-moon spectacles like Dumbledore’s perched on a long nose. I figured that he was the shop owner as he glared at the two of us over his glasses. “This is a bookstore, not Zonko’s joke shop. Get out now, before you ruin any more books with your grimy paws,” he said and gestured with his wand towards the front door. I retraced my path out of the bookshelves and saw Lily and James standing together and staring at us curiously, a massive book open in Lily’s hands. At least it looked like Lily had gotten over the  _ slugulus eructo _ incident and had put it behind her so that she could enjoy her date with James. I put down the Seer book, disappointed that I couldn’t buy it, and scurried out the front door before the old man could get revenge on Sirius and I for disturbing the peace. I pushed open the door and walked a respectable few strides away, coming to stand in front of an abandoned storefront. I saw Sirius walk out behind me, looking carefree as usual. I smiled despite myself and rooted around in my pockets, withdrawing a joint as Sirius came to stand next to me. He caught my drift and we both put the ends of our blunts and smokes in our mouths, cupping our hands around the flames from our wands so that the October gusts of wind wouldn’t blow them out. 

I frowned. Sirius had gotten his smoke lit and was holding it to his mouth gently between his index and middle fingers, while my flame kept going out before my blunt was properly lit. “Fuck,” I mumbled as the flame went out yet again. 

“Come here, love.” I jerked my head up and hesitated. He raised an eyebrow at my faltering, and I swallowed and took a few steps closer to Sirius, noting how I was now the one invading his personal space. He leaned down to bring his hands level with my joint, cupping his large hands around the end. I quelled the shiver that threatened to pass through me and tried to light the end again, successful this time. Damn him for being a sexy bastard, I thought as I couldn’t help but look up and meet his gaze when I brought the blunt away from my lips, pausing for a moment to hold in the smoke. He held my gaze, a devilish smirk shaping his mouth

as he saw me staring right back at him. I turned my head to blow out the smoke in a continuous stream. I couldn’t help but smile wryly. My pride had in fact come before the fall, and in this case I was in the midst of tumbling down the slippery slope that would lead to me sleeping with Sirius. Well, it wasn’t guaranteed that I would fuck him, but it certainly was looking like that, if my hormones and sex drive had anything to say about it. Fuck. 

I let out a short laugh, smoke bursting from my mouth. “Merlin, my parents would kill me if they knew how much I smoke. ’Course I never smoke this much at home over the holidays, but what they don’t know won’t hurt them, I reckon.” 

A half-smile twisted Sirius’s lips. “How about getting sent howlers?”

I shook my head, taking a moment to hit my joint again. “They can’t, none of my family can,” I said, coughing the smoke out of my lungs. 

He turned to look at me curiously. “They’re all Muggles. Don’t worry,” I said quickly, “I’m not dumb enough to think that you espouse all that pure blood rot of the Black family. You couldn’t be such good friends with Remus and go through the trouble of becoming an animagus for him if you actually subscribed to blood pursim views.” I paused, staring off into the distance. “Wasn’t hard to figure out, not least because you’re a raging Gryffindor from a line of Slytherins.” 

I glanced over at Sirius, who was smoking his cigarette and looking thoughtfully at me. “Was it that easy to figure out? Most people assume before I can say otherwise.” 

I shook my head, smirking at him. “You’re just forgetting that I’m a Ravenclaw,” I said and tapped the side of my head. “Too clever for my own good.” 

He smiled and brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen into his face and opened his mouth to say something, but just then our party was crashed by Avery, Mulciber and Snape walking by us in the street. Avery tried unsuccessfully to feign surprise that he had run into me and Sirius, but I could tell from Mulciber and Snape’s down-right rapacious expressions that they had come looking for me, knowing that I would be with Sirius, so that they could start a skirmish with us. Well, perhaps Avery would spare me from any painful hexes, but I could see the glee on their faces at the prospect of having Sirius outnumbered when the spells would start flying. 

“Fancy seeing you here, Grindylow,” Avery said, taking a step closer to me, looking at me greedily, practically drooling. Of all boys, why did I have such a profound effect on Avery?

“What do you want, prick?” 

He smirked at me, eyes flitting between me and Sirius. “You know, if I had known last year that you were such a lewd leg-spreader,” he started, pretending to look thoughtful, “I wouldn’t’ve asked you to go to Hogsmeade, I’d’ve just tossed you a sack of Galleons.” 

Snape and Mulciber guffawed loudly, clearly thinking that their ring leader was brilliant. I raised a disdainful eyebrow at Avery. “Look, if that’s the best you can do, go bugger off to somewhere far away. You’re boring me, you dumb Slytherin scumfuck.” 

Snape and Mulciber whipped out their wands and came to stand behind Avery, who was quickly turning red from rage at my insult. His black wand was suddenly pointed at me, but before he could take a step closer, Sirius was pointing his wand right back at Avery. I glanced at the two boys, tall and dark and towering over me as they sized each other up. 

“How many times do I have to win against you and greasy Snivellus to make you realize that you’re piss-poor at duelling me?” Sirius said, grinning from ear to ear and quirking his eyebrows at Avery. 

“Shut your bloody face, Black. You’re outnumbered. Where’s your precious Potter to help you out?” Mulciber said. 

I gasped dramatically. “My word, you actually know how to speak? And here I was, thinking you were a TOTALLY ILLITERATE DUNCE,” I said slowly, enunciating each word. 

He didn’t take kindly to me mocking his mental capacity (or lack thereof), and so Mulciber was the first one to fire a hex at me. I quickly waved my wand and cast  _ protego _ mutely over me and Sirius. The shield caused the spell to dissolve soon as it hit the surface of it, fading away in a quick spurt. 

“You’ll have to do a lot better than that to make duelling you and your slimy gits worth my time, Snivellus!” Sirius shouted at Snape, whose face crumpled into a raging expression, before he fired a curse at us. My shield charm was holding so far, but I would have to recast it soon, which would be risky with Avery, Mulciber and Snape’s magic now whizzing around. 

“Do you need me to hang you upside down to show everyone your drawers again, Snivellus?” Sirius taunted from beside me, as he cast jinx after jinx at Snape, who was successfully blocking them with his own shield charm. “Remember how Evans loved seeing what a pansy you are? Pink underpants and all.” This time Sirius’s knee-reversal hex bounced off the shield and hit Avery, who fell like a stone to the ground under the sudden reversal of his knee joints, grunting in pain. Sirius clearly knew just what buttons to push to make Snape fall into a rage, as Sirius’s last comment had Snape positively livid, hexes flying at a furious pace towards Sirius, who was looking way too gleeful and lackadaisical for someone who was in the midst of a one versus three duel. Or rather, a one versus two duel as Avery was lying on the ground, incapacitated by his backwards knees. 

“ENOUGH!” I heard someone shout. “50 POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN AND GRYFFINDOR!” Mucliber, Snape, Sirius and I turned to the source of the voice, which was a furious Lily, who had evidently dashed out of the nearby bookstore because of the racket that the boys had been causing. James stood beside her, trying to look like he was disappointed at what he was seeing, but it was obvious that he was attempting to conceal his giddiness from Lily. Everyone knew that there was nothing that Sirius and James loved more than hexing and humiliating Snape, and especially in front of an audience. Lily marched over to the four of us, even as Sirius and Snape stood with their wands still pointed at each other, while Mulciber was trying to help Avery stand. 

“Both of you, put down your wands or you’ll be facing greater punishments than deducted House points,” Lily snapped, and both the boys reluctantly pocketed their wands. Sirius was beaming, looking the happiest that he had all day, and I could see James itching to high five him in congratulations. Snape’s face was screwed up in an incensed expression, and he looked like he was trying to shoot daggers at James with just his eyes. He glanced at Lily, his face falling ever so slightly. Suddenly, it was like the floodgates had opened in my mind, and from behind the barrier a premonition swept like a river over me, dragging me out from the bank and into its cold depths. I looked at Severus and though I wasn’t having any sort of a vision, I was struck with a feeling of total despair and loss. I would lose the love of my life, not just to my rival, but more importantly she would die and I would never have closure. I could feel the grief and agony that I knew he would feel in the future, the loss of the woman whom he always loved that would plague him for his whole life, shaping his personality and decisions. I was Severus in that moment, feeling everything that he would. I was him, I was suffering the torture of his emotions. I felt the tears starting to drip down my face as Severus’s future grief swallowed me whole. I couldn’t claw myself up through the depths of the premonition to breathe, it felt like the sadness was a weight crushing me. I didn’t know who the love of his life was, but that didn’t diminish the pain at all. I struggled to breathe. I clutched at my head and clammy face, screwing my eyes closed and trying to stop my body from shaking. 

In a flash, Lily was there by my side. “Kersti? What’s wrong? Are you in pain? Should I get a professor?” I felt her warm hand on my arm, and I leaned into the sensation of her gentle touch to bring me back to the present moment, gripping my wand in my right hand so tightly that I feared that I would shatter it. “Kersti? Talk to me.”

I panted, keeping my eyes closed and massaging my temples. I concentrated on each breath in and out, and gradually the premonition faded and I could once again hear the happy bustle of Hogsmeade in the background and feel the paving stones of the road under my feet. I tried to discreetly wipe the tears from my face before I lowered my hands from my head and straightened up, facing Lily. 

“Sorry to scare you, Lily, I just get these bloody migraines sometimes. Must be the excitement of it all,” I said, trying to make my voice light and airy, giving her a smile. 

Lily looked at me, eyebrows furrowed. “Are you sure? That looked like a positively brutal migraine to make you react like that,” she said, eyeing me. 

I waved my hand nonchalantly. “Yes, they can be quite painful.” 

She stared at me for a long moment, clearly unconvinced. Well, too bad for her because I sure as hell wasn’t about to confess that I was a Seer and had just been invaded by Snape’s future emotions, and not in front of James, Sirius, Avery, Mulciber, and Snape himself. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again, cleared her throat, and then asked me a different question altogether. “Were you duelling without the permission and supervision of a professor along with Black, Snape, Mulciber and Avery? Be honest, Kersti.”

“I merely cast  _ protego  _ to defend myself.” 

“Evans, I can vouch for that. On the other hand, Snivellus here wasn’t as well behaved,” Sirius said from beside me, holding his hands behind his back and rocking back and forth on his heels innocently. He met my gaze and flashed me a wink. 

Lily looked at all the offenders before her and after a beat she sighed deeply, looking like a disappointed mum. “Obviously I wasn’t here to see who fired the first spells, and so all of you should go your separate ways before I decide to dole out more serious punishments. I, for one, would like to resume my peaceful Hogsmeade outing,” she said and went over to help Avery with his backwards knees, setting to find the counterspell.

“Hey,  _ pssst _ , did you hear?” I said, leaning into Sirius and pretending that I had just heard some particularly juicy piece of gossip. “She said more  _ Sirius _ punishments.”

The two of us started laughing at Lily’s unintentional pun, but Lily herself cut us off with a withering look when she strode back over to James, having found the fix for Avery’s knees in a matter of seconds. “Come on, Kersti. Let’s be rid of those rotten Slytherins.” I smiled gratefully at her and we fell into step, letting our two dates linger behind us. I could hear them whispering because of my animagus hearing, but Lily couldn’t. 

“Padfoot, d’you reckon we could continue hexing Snivellus without Evans noticing?”

“You read my mind, Prongs.”

“Can’t let you have all the fun in beating poor old Snivellus.”

I didn’t want to turn around to see Sirius and James doubling back to torment Severus, and so I turned to Lily. “Let’s go, shall we? I’m craving a butterbeer right now and I’d like to have at least a short break from those two wankers after that fiasco.” 

Lily smiled and nodded, and we took off at a fast walk, leaving the boys behind. This way, Lily wouldn’t have to watch her current crush bullying her previous childhood best friend, while I wouldn’t have to be struck by another premonition about Snape’s future. But more importantly, feeling Severus’s emotions and grief so deeply in that way had opened a channel of empathetic feelings for him, the first time I’d ever spared him more than a second thought. I wouldn’t be able to stop the two Marauders from tormenting him, and I didn’t think that my frayed nerves and raw emotions would be able to handle watching such abuse without causing me to collapse into a proper vision about Snape’s future. I was a coward of sorts for not going back to end Sirius and James’s bullying, but I had to prioritize myself first so that I didn’t let myself linger in a situation that would almost certainly push me over the edge and into the throes of a vision in public, and thus would cause me to reveal my identity as a Seer to others. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Lily and I stopped into The Three Broomsticks, where we discussed our Ancient Runes class over a mug of butterbeer each, and then we decided to head to Madam Puddifoot’s next, as Lily had mentioned the stuffy, old-ladies’ tea shop to James as a stop sometime after the bookstore. We walked through the gusty October air and drew near to the tea shop, where, sure enough, Sirius and James were waiting for us. They looked like two cats who had just feasted on a helpless mouse, looking more smug than usual. I pushed Severus Snape out of my mind, for fear that I’d lose my control over my power of Sight. They were both finishing a cigarette each, the light wind tossing Sirius’s long strands of hair across his face, while James’s hair was standing more and more on end as the Hogsmeade trip progressed. His hazel eyes lit up at the sight of Lily walking towards him, quickly reaching to push his glasses up. I shook my head in amusement as Lily picked up her pace the slightest bit to reach him faster, trying to hold back the beaming smile on her face. Sirius glanced at the two lovebirds before throwing his cigarette butt on the ground, looking up at me. We shared an amused look and I rolled my eyes at the couple, making Sirius flash me a half-smile, his grey eyes lingering on me as I drew close and stopped in front of him. I felt my heart hit my rib cage in a succession of painful thumps as I held his gaze, my eyes dropping to his lips. God, I wanted to kiss him right then and there, and I didn’t have a drop of Beetle Berry whiskey in my system. 

“Well, my darling Lily-of-the-Valley, what do you say we go inside and get ourselves a table?” James said, and looked to Sirius in confirmation that we were coming with them too. Sirius and I looked at each other and then back to James, chuckling. 

“Prongs, we’re neither really the type to go in there, wouldn’t you say?” 

“Well, er, I suppose so. . .” 

I looked at Lily and saw her flash me a pleading look, clearly nervous at the prospect of being alone in a cozy, private spot with Potter considering that it was her first date. She looked terrified of not having a safety net in the lion’s den that was Madam Puddifoot’s apparently, especially since James had thrown an arm around her shoulders as we stood outside, holding her small frame to his lanky one. I would’ve laughed aloud at how comical the situation was, but that would be rude. 

I took a deep breath and turned to Sirius. “Fancy a trip inside? I’m feeling a bit chilly out here and since I managed to rope  _ the  _ Sirius Black into taking me to Hogsmeade, I reckon I should milk it for all it’s worth. I’ve been given a very rare opportunity and it would be a shame to let it go to waste,” I said, flashing him my shit-eating grin. He raised an eyebrow at me, chuckling. 

“Whatever you want, love,” he said, grinning back at me. 

“Let’s get inside, then, before all the good tables are taken,” Lily said, quickly grabbing my arm and dragging me through the bright pink door and into the shop. Where our many encounters with James and Sirius were concerned, it seemed that Lily and I had a penchant for lugging each other around by the arm. I could already feel myself sweating from the stuffiness inside the store. James and Sirius tramped into the store behind us, bringing a welcome burst of fresh air from outside, and I took a cursory glance around the tea shop, which was mostly full of couples and very full of hearts and bows and other sappy pink decorations, and nearly turned around to dash right back outside. 

“Oh, God, this is so much worse than I thought it would be,” I muttered, my eyes landing on couples from all years joined at the lips or clutching each others’ hands over their tables, various tea cups and desserts on china tableware on the small round tables. I hesitated as James and Lily started walking to an unoccupied corner table, an empty window table also conveniently just a few feet away from it. Oh, God. 

“I thought this was your idea, love?” Sirius said, coming to stand beside me and casting a furtive glance at me. “Scared to be alone with me in such an  _ enticing _ setting?” He raised a mischievous eyebrow at me, looking like he was trying to bite back a bark of laughter. 

I opened my mouth to respond when I stopped suddenly. Sirius looked at me, confused, before I started forcefully sneezing into my elbow, the pungent perfume that was wafting through the store causing a violent reaction between it and my nose. He started laughing as I kept on sneezing, and with the two of us making such a kerfuffle in the otherwise quiet store, I saw several couples look away from each other to stare at us incredulously. After a minute, my sneezing fit stopped, but the damage had already been done; everyone in Madam puddifoot’s knew that Sirius Black had shockingly made an appearance and they all knew that I was his ‘lucky date.’ There would’ve been more whispering and gossiping at the sight of the school’s dreamboat in the tea shop if it weren’t full of girls who were already in the middle of having romantic dates, but I knew that the rest of the female student body would know by the time dinner rolled around this evening. I looked up and saw Lily and James staring at me from their table, where they were already seated. Lily’s eyebrows were nearly at her hairline, a hand covering her mouth in an unsuccessful attempt at hiding the laughter that was making her shoulders shake, while James was trying to muffle his laughter with a coughing fit. Madam Puddifoot came bustling over to Sirius and I still standing in the doorway, wiping her hands on her apron. 

“Well, don’t just stand there looking lost, dears. Come in! How about you two have a seat right over here, next to this lovely young lady and gentleman,” she said, gesturing to James and Lily and then leading us over to the aforementioned empty window table. Sirius and I did our best to smother our laughter as we followed her to the table and sat down in the chairs facing each other. 

“Can I get either of you anything?” she asked, waving her wand and making two tea cups and their saucers float over and place themselves in front of Sirius and I. I debated not ordering anything to eat or drink, as I couldn’t confirm whether she would put amortentia or another love potion in her food, but I figured that that was a far fetched notion and it wouldn’t make sense for her to take such a blatant risk, at it would bring confused and angry professors from Hogwarts down upon her. 

“Some tea would be nice,” I said. 

“I’ll need you to be a bit more specific than that, dear. Would you like one of our black Love teas? Or the Teas of Desire? The Herbal Teas of Affection have been quite popular this year, you might like one of those.” 

I stared at her, mouth agape. “No, just a regular cup of tea, please.”

“She’d love the Tea of Desire, Madam,” Sirius had the nerve to say, and I flashed him a look, kicking his leg under the table with my foot. 

“No, just some regular, boring, not-magical orange pekoe for me, please,” I said to Madam Puddifoot before Sirius could get a word in edgewise. 

“And for you, my dear?” she asked Sirius. 

I cut him off before he could be a joker about the situation. “Orange pekoe for both of us, if you would be so kind.” The store owner waved her short wand and a fresh, hot teapot came whizzing through the air, stopping mid-air to pour its contents in our cups, before settling itself on our table, and it was soon followed by the appearance of some small bone china jugs of milk and cream, and a glass dish with sugar cubes. 

“Fancy any desserts for you two?”

“No, no thank you,” I said, while Sirius simply leaned back in his seat, folding his hands behind his head, fixing me with a smirk that was making my heart race. Jesus Christ, he was going to be the death of me and my pride. The shop owner turned around to tend to Lily and James at the table near us, and I exhaled a sharp breath that I had been holding in. I reached my hands up to massage the back of my neck and my temples, trying to wrest away the tension that had settled there since I’d had the premonition about Snape. 

“How anyone would willingly go in here is beyond me, I’d go barmy,” Sirius muttered, chuckling at the ridiculous couples immersed in their puppy-love relationships. 

“Shouldn’t we intervene with that Hufflepuff couple?”

Sirius looked at me, taken aback. “Why bother?”

“They might die from lack of breathing, they’ve had their mouths smashed together since we first walked in. I’ve yet to see them break apart for air.”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. “Maybe she put a permanent sticking charm on their lips when they weren’t looking.”

I snorted, trying to cover my mouth with my hand. “D’you think they’d have to be escorted out of the shop with their faces mashed together?” 

“Oh, yes, most definitely, Ridgelow.” 

“And they’d be standing there as McGonagall tries to get them unstuck, having to breathe through their noses and only able to stare at each other.”

Sirius snorted with laughter and opened his eyes as wide as possible. “You reckon they’d be forced to look at each other like this? Can you imagine having your face stuck to someone else’s like this?”

I started laughing so hard that I thought that I would piss myself, and I tried to stop but I kept dissolving into new fits at Sirius’s bug-eyed expression. 

“Merlin, Ridgelow, stop laughing or you’ll stop breathing yourself,” he said, chuckling. 

I managed to catch my breath, wiping tears from the corners of my eyes. “Jesus Christ, dunno what got into me there.” I cast a glance at Lily and James’s table, where some warm drinks and desserts were sitting between them. Lily was looking at me like I had just sprouted horns. She shook her head and turned back to James, blushing, and I watched as they went back to holding hands with each other over the table, completely enamoured. 

“Fuck, I think I’ve gone mad. Why the hell would I drag us in here?” I said, shaking my head. 

“I can make it better,” Sirius said, winking at me. I nearly spat out my mouthful of tea when I felt him inch a hand along my lower leg and up to my thigh. 

“That’s not what I meant, Black!” 

Sirius just grinned widely at me. “Why don’t you go back to calling me Sirius,  _ Kersti Ridgelow _ . You were just fine with that in the bookstore.” 

Fuck. I hadn’t even realized that I’d done that when he’d snuck up behind me and scared me on purpose. “Slip of the tongue,  _ Black _ . Don’t get used to it.”

He pretended to wipe tears from his eyes. “You’ll break a man’s heart with your words,  _ Kersti _ .” 

“Man? You’re barely seventeen,  _ Sirius _ .” 

“Barely? I’ll have you know I turn eighteen on November third,  _ Kersti _ .”

“Born in 1959? You’re a wizened old man,  _ Sirius _ .” 

“Fuck off, that’s not true. Doesn’t that make you a gold digger,  _ Kersti _ ?” 

“Doesn’t it make you a bloke who goes after younger girls,  _ Sirius _ ?” 

He snorted derisively. “Cunningham was only two years below me. You know that I’m full of the vigour of youth, you’ve just yet to experience it in my bed.” 

I felt my cheeks staining themselves red. “You’re awfully confident for a sod who’s yet to land me.” 

He shrugged, looking self-satisfied. “Can you blame me?” 

“Yes, I can!” I said and threw one of the nauseatingly-pink cloth napkins at him, pretending to get mad at him. Unfortunately he caught it before it could hit him in the face. 

“Resorting to napkin throwing, are we? If you’re that  _ sexually frustrated _ then you really do need a good fuck from me.” 

“I am not sexually frustrated.”

“You sure? You seem like it. Trust me, love, I can always spot the sexually frustrated ones.” 

We paused for a moment and our eyes met, and then we dissolved into laughter at the ridiculousness of our situation and banter, albeit restrained as we were in the tiny tea shop.

“Merlin,” I said, smiling to myself as I looked out the window onto the bustling street. “How did the wheels of my seventh year fall off so quickly?” I rested my elbow on the table and my chin in my palm, following some carefree fifth years as they chased each other through the streets with my eyes. The stifling heat of the shop wrapped itself around me like a blanket, and I suddenly felt the weight of my exhaustion from the intrusive visions and premonitions, and from all my recent sleepless nights, descending upon me, especially last night when I’d gotten a mere two hours of sleep. I’d kill someone to be able to curl up in this comfy, cozy corner of the store and sleep away the rest of the day. I tried to turn back to my cup of tea, but I could feel my eyelids starting to close without permission, as if they were weighed down by lead. My vision was going fuzzy as my sleep deprivation started to overcome me, my thoughts swirling around and then down the drain. I turned back to the window and put my chin in my hand again, feeling myself slipping out of consciousness.

I felt a sharp kick to my shin, jolting me out of my doze. I blinked slowly, rubbing my eyes and stifling yet another yawn. I looked across the table to Sirius, who had woken me up with the boot to my shin. He was looking at me, eyebrows drawn low and mouth twisted into a hard line. “Are you fucking  _ falling asleep _ right now?” 

I sighed and scrubbed at my face. I really needed an Alertness Potion. No, I needed to brew a Potion for Dreamless Sleep. That would hopefully let me sleep an entire night without waking up from a Seer dream. I rummaged in my coat pockets, withdrawing a Muggle pencil and a spare bit of parchment, which I put on the table and started writing on. “I really need to brew a Potion for Dreamless Sleep tonight, I think I’ll steal the ingredients from Slughorn’s supply,” I said, more to myself than Sirius, and started quickly jotting down the ingredients and their quantities that I would need. 

“I’ll help you nick them.” 

I looked up in surprise at Sirius. “Really? Why?” 

He shrugged and gave me a weird look. “Because stealing shit is fun.”

“Oh, okay, right. Meet me in front of the Great Hall at midnight tonight?” I asked him. 

He raised a perplexed eyebrow at me. “Isn’t the point to brew it for tonight?” 

“Yeah, but he stays in his office late on Saturdays.” Sirius raised his eyebrows at me. “Not the first time I’ve stolen from him,” I said and shrugged. 

I watched Sirius smile wryly, shaking his head. “Well, I haven’t. I can’t believe that I’m getting a lesson in mischief tonight. Didn’t think that’d ever happen.”

I chuckled. I cast a quick glance at Lily and James, who were still transfixed on each other. I brought my head in closer to the table and gestured for Sirius to do the same, and scooted my chair over so it was closer to his. We ducked our heads together, looking at my list of all the ingredients that we’d need to nick. “Not much to know. Slughorn’s easy to steal from since he’s so oblivious.” I looked at Sirius, who was studying my list. 

“I don’t have a silver cauldron, do you?” he said, turning his grey eyes to me. From this close, with our heads huddled together, they were even more captivating than they were from afar. I swallowed and looked back down at my bit of parchment. 

“No, me neither. But I’m fairly certain that I’ve seen them in Potions class.” 

“A sopophorous bean?” Sirius asked, scratching his head as he scanned farther down the listed items. “Are you sure that’s a thing, or are you pulling my leg, Ridgelow?” 

I raised my eyes to meet his gaze, noting how the corners of his eyes were crinkling up from his smile. “No, these are all the ingredients,” I said, careful to continue speaking in hushed tones. “But the more important question is, what do we do if we get caught?” 

Sirius chuckled. “That’s simple; don’t get caught.” 

I gave him a look, smiling despite myself. “But if we do?”

“Dunno, just tell him you thought Slug Club was meeting this Saturday evening.”

“I’m not even in Slug Club, Sirius.” 

He smirked at me, noticing me slipping into calling him by his first name again. “Or say you were suddenly struck with an intense urge to learn all his expertise in the art of potion brewing,” he said sarcastically. 

“That’s a terrible suggestion. I wouldn’t be able to get him to stop talking if I said that.”

“Fine, then I’ll just say that I brought you there to cure you of amortentia which has made you fall madly in love with me.” 

“No. No way in hell.”

“Why not?”

“Because your ego is already big enough as it is, Sirius,” I said, chuckling and elbowing him gently in the side. 

“I beg to differ,” he said, his eyes dropping to look at my mouth. Our faces were so close that I could easily lean in and kiss him, and I debated doing so, but then I remembered where we were and how James and Lily were at the table right beside ours. 

“I think the plan should be to just split up and make a mad dash for it if Slughorn catches us,” I said, looking back down at my parchment. 

“Kersti Ridgelow, you’re a genius,” he said and I looked up in surprise at him. “Of course that’ll work, because he’s far too fat to keep up.” 

We laughed at that and I remembered the note that he’d sent me in September asking me to go to Hogsmeade with him, and how he’d put the state of Slughorn’s figure in his rhymed poem. “It’s all that sherry at Slug Club,” I said, chuckling. “But for real, if he walks in on us nosing around in his supply cupboard, I’m running and I don’t care whether you keep up.” 

Sirius let out a bark of laughter, and I saw James fix him with an incredulous look from his table. “Don’t worry about me, love. I’ll be right behind you, watching you and your  _ behind _ run.” 

I tried to muffle my laughter behind my hand. “Merlin, Sirius Black, you’re such a dog.” 

He flashed me a grin. “And you’re the cat’s meow.” 

We burst out laughing at our terrible animal puns, trying to minimize the disruption by laughing into our palms. God, when was the last time I had laughed this much? “Come on, let’s give those two some privacy,” I said, nodding my head in the direction of James and Lily. I waved at Madam Puddifoot to get her attention and she flitted over to our table.

“Can I entice you with any desserts? Our Romance Pudding has been particularly popular this morning,” she said, smiling at us. 

“The only thing we want to be enticed with is some fresh air,” Sirius muttered. 

“No, no thank you, we’d just like to pay and go,” I said. 

“Alright, alright, no need to be impatient. That’ll be four galleons, two sickles and twenty knuts.” 

Sirius quickly put the money on the table and stood. “Come on, love. I need a cigarette and I feel like I’m going to have a sneezing fit myself,” he said to me and I stood up quickly. We made a quick dash for the door and burst out into the cool and clean air on the street. 

I laughed. “Merlin, that was terrible. I’m sorry for subjecting us both to that.” 

Sirius looked at me, pretending to look devastated and sniffling for effect. “It was terrible to go on a date with me? My poor heart, how will my ego ever recover!” 

I laughed, a smile splitting my face. “God, you’re impossible. I didn’t mean that.” 

“You know you enjoyed going on a date with me,” he said, flashing me his womanizing smile and a wink. 

“Do you ever stop joking? Or are you incapable of being serious?” I said, but immediately regretted my word choice. 

“I’m very capable of being  _ Sirius _ , I am Sirius. In fact, I’m always  _ Sirius _ ,” he said and we shared a laugh at that as we walked a little farther down the road, stopping to have a smoke break in a quiet alcove, lest McGonagall come along and bust our arses. Sirius took out his pack of cigarettes and offered me one, and then took one himself. We stood in the alcove together, a respectable and entirely proper distance of several feet between us, though my mind was screaming at me to close the distance and press my mouth against his. I don’t know what I’d been thinking, making plans with him to steal from Slughorn’s supply tonight. It wasn’t that I had any moral qualms about it, because I didn’t; it was that I couldn’t think of a more difficult situation to restrain myself in than roaming the castle at midnight with Sirius, sneaking around and standing huddled together in supply closets. Sirius lit his own cigarette and then I leaned in close to him so that he could light mine. He met my gaze as he lit my cigarette, and I willed myself to not stare at his shapely, perfect lips, or else I knew that I would be a goner. Jesus fucking Christ. What had I gotten myself into? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to end it there, this chapter became wayyy longer than I thought it would be


	11. Thieves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just went back to university this week, so I'm going to aim for updating at least once a week. Hopefully I'll have more time than I did in previous years, as all my classes are online and I no longer have to commute to campus.

Sirius and I took our sweet time having a smoke break, and in fact we each had two and then shared a blunt that I’d had kicking around in my pocket, going back and forth between us, taking hits. I reckoned that part of the reason that we were closer and on much more familiar terms now was due to us being somewhat-heavy smokers; smoking together appeared to be a sort of bonding time for us. I was no longer regretting my decision to go to Hogsmeade with him, as I was having the most fun today that I’d ever had on a Hogsmeade outing. The downside to hanging out with him in public was that the odd girl or two, mostly from fifth and sixth years, would approach Sirius and try to chat him up, which he quickly shut down (intentionally or otherwise, I couldn’t tell) with his very half-arsed attention that he gave them, much the same as he’d talked to Emily the next time that she’d seen him after that first fateful Gryffindor party this year, after they had slept together for the second time. I didn’t care if he talked to other girls in front of me, and in fact I’d expected him to do more flirting with the girls who had shown up to bug him. Part of me wished that it weren’t just Sirius and I alone, and that the rest of the Marauders and Lily were here so that I could have at least a little break from having the weight of Sirius’s attention on me. As it stood, being this close to him but having to hold myself back from kissing or doing some other naughty thing to him was giving me a headache from the tension of it all. 

After Merlin-knows how long, Lily and James emerged from Madam Puddifoot’s, and Sirius and I watched them from our tucked-away spot in the alcove, the lingering smoke swirling around our heads. 

“Do you think they’re dating now?” I asked Sirius, who was absentmindedly watching his best friend on a date with the girl whom Potter had been chasing after for years. 

He shrugged. “I couldn’t possibly say. Prongs may be my best friend, but we don’t have a legilimency link.” 

I feigned extreme shock. “What? You don’t? What sort of friends are you two, then?”

His lips twisted into a half-smile. “You can’t accuse me of always cracking jokes if you’re going to be doing the same,  _ Kersti Ridgelow _ .” 

“Okay, okay, you’re right.” 

“You just don’t get it, do you?” I turned to Sirius in surprise, who gave me a sharp look. “I’m always right,” he said, and then his mock-serious expression was replaced by a brilliant grin that split his face. 

I sighed and shook my head, smiling despite myself. I watched Lily look around as she stood with James outside, clearly trying to see if I were somewhere nearby. I checked my watch. McGonagall would probably be coming around soon to start rounding up students to head back, and no doubt Lily and James would have to go back earlier than the other seventh years so that the two of them could accompany the third years and prevent them from dropping too many Zonko’s dungbombs on the way. 

“Come on, let’s get back to Lily and Rotter,” I said, turning to Sirius and casting _ scourgify _ over the both of us so that we didn’t smell too offensive to non-smokers like Lily. 

“You’re cutting our moment short, love? Aren’t you worried that we won’t get another moment to ourselves for a while?” he said, taking a step closer and towering over me, looking far too smug. 

I tried to not let my cheeks flush as I looked up and met his grey eyes. “Did someone obliviate you, Black? Or have you already forgotten how you so  _ graciously _ offered to help me nick supplies from Slughorn tonight at midnight?” I retorted. 

“There’s the hellcat,” he said, giving me a toothy grin. I stopped myself from staring at his mouth as he formed the words. I cleared my throat and raised an eyebrow at him, and then stepped out of our alcove and headed over to Lily, who looked up and smiled widely at me when she saw me approaching. 

“How’d it go?” I asked, leaning in to whisper in her ear as Sirius and James high fived each other and then fell into an ardent debate about the statistics of the newest brooms on the market next to us. 

Lily turned the colour of a plum and swallowed. “Er. . . very well, thank you for asking. How about your ‘date?’” She fixed me with an inquisitive look, eyes flitting from Sirius and back to me. 

I took a step back and waved my hands in earnest. “No, no, enough about me. You’re the one who went on a Hogsmeade date with the bloke that you like, how’d it go?” 

Lily chuckled and brushed away a leaf that had blown onto her robes. “You don’t like Black?” 

I gave her a look. “You know what it’s like, it’s just a purely physical flirtation with us. I want to know how it went with you and James.” 

“Alright, if you insist. It went well, Kersti. I feared that perhaps we’d run out of things to talk about, but we never did. And, erm. . . the hand holding was quite, er. . .” 

“Romantic?” I finished for her, wiggling my eyebrows. 

“Er. . .yes.” 

“So I suppose the next thing to worry about is whether you’ll start dating?” 

Lily coughed and started picking at her cuticles. “Yes,” she mumbled, and then looked up at the boys standing a little ways away from us. I saw how she smiled involuntarily when her eyes landed on James, her face the picture of excitement and happiness. 

“Lily.” She turned back to me, looking confused at my sudden serious change of tone. “I’m happy for you. I know it’s not ideal that I’ve been managing to constantly butt heads with Potter, but I am happy for you and I hope that my rivalry with him won’t get in the way of you two,” I said, smiling at her. 

The most genuine and beautiful smile burst onto Lily’s face as she wrapped me in a hug. I tried not to stiffen, surprised and touched by her affection. “Thank you, Kersti.” She pulled back and started rummaging in her bag. “Here,” she said, withdrawing a book that she’d shrunk to the size of a matchbook. She quickly performed  _ engorgio _ and presented the item to me at its proper size. 

I took it from her, feeling my heart swell with tenderness at the thoughtful gesture. It was the book that I’d been reading in the store before Sirius had scared the living daylights out of me:  _ Potions and Other Compounds to that Might Prevent, Induce or Alter a Seer’s Abilities; A Revised Fifth Edition _ . I looked up at Lily. “Thank you, Lily. How much do I owe you?” 

She waved her hands. “Nonsense. Consider it a gift for keeping up your end of the bargain and going on this double date, even though I never did need you to make up some wild excuse so that we could go to the loo together.” 

I laughed. “I could still do that, if you need me to.” 

Lily shook her head, smiling. “No need.” She turned to James, who was waving his hands and talking a mile a minute, hair sticking up every which way as he talked to Sirius, who looked like he was holding back laughter as he stood with his hands in his pockets. “James, we should go help escort the third years back to the castle.” 

James whipped around to her, looking even more deranged than he had when he’d first joined her in the clocktower courtyard this morning. Merlin, had that really only been this morning? It seemed like weeks ago, what with everything that had happened today. “Yes, of course, my Lilykins.” I couldn’t help but smirk at Lily failing to correct James’s use of ‘Lilykins’ to address her this time. “Sorry, Padfoot, looks like I’ll have to leave you yet again with Grindylow.” 

I rolled my eyes while Sirius just laughed. “No need to apologize, Prongs.  _ Kersti Ridgelow  _ and I will be right behind you,” he said, coming to stand next to me. 

“Stop intentionally using my full name,  _ Sirius Black _ ,” I said, nudging him in the side. 

“What, isn’t it better than calling you Grindylow?” 

“Well, yes, obviously.”

“Or do you want something a bit more  _ endearing _ , love?” 

“God-fucking-damn you,” I said, laughing. I saw Lily look quizzically from Sirius and I, James mirroring Lily’s expression. 

“Well, er, let’s just go then,” she said. “Come on, James, before the third years decide to take the wrong path and end up in the Shrieking Shack.” The two of them wrested their attention from me and Sirius bantering and started walking to the rendez-vous point for the end of the Hogsmeade outing. 

Sirius laid a hand on each of my shoulders, pushing me forward so that we started following suit. “Come on,  _ Kersti Ridgelow _ . We’ll lose them and then be all alone by ourselves if we don’t keep up,” he said dramatically. 

“You’re such a tosser,  _ Sirius Black _ ,” I said, sidestepping out from his hold on my shoulders. 

“Scared of what I’d do to you if we were alone?”

“You wish!” 

“What else are you wishing for, love?” he said, bringing his head closer to mine. 

“That I could race you right now in our animagus forms to prove I can outrun you.”

Sirius barked with laughter. “You’re all roar and no bite,  _ Kersti Ridgelow _ . Didn’t you know that the fleas I have as my animagus make me faster?”

I leapt away from him. “Fleas?  _ Sirius Black _ , you’re pulling my leg, you don’t actually have fleas. Fleas!?” 

“Aw, love. Don’t want to sleep with me anymore now that you know my dirty little secret?” he said, approaching me.

“Stay away, Sirius. You’re not going near me with fleas,” I said, backing away even as Sirius kept on approaching me. “Hey, Rotter! Does Snuffles have fleas?” I yelled to James, who was a few paces away.

James paused and turned around, chuckling at Sirius trying to sneak up on me while I backed away. “You’ll have to examine his hair to know. Although, now that you mention it, he does seem to itch himself a lot.”

Sirius was continuing to approach me, grinning like a mad man. I raised my wand at him.

“Sirius goddamn Black, you are not going near me with fleas!” I said. 

“Kersti, what on earth are you on about?” Lily asked, stopping to turn around and watch me retreating, wand raised, as Sirius continued to walk towards me. 

“No! Don’t you fucking dare,” I said to Sirius as he picked up his pace, now coming at me at a confident walk, as I struggled to back away on the uneven dirt path that led out of Hogsmeade without losing my footing. I nearly tripped in that moment on a tree root, and in an instant Sirius pounced and was behind me. I squeaked when he wrapped both his arms around my torso and lifted me up, my legs flailing and kicking out. 

“Sirius FUCKING Black, let go of me!” I yelled, laughing madly. 

He staggered back a step, what with my thrashing, and put me down. “Merlin’s beard, Kersti, I don’t actually have fleas,” he said, a loony grin on his face. 

I caught my breath from laughing so hard and then straightened up to face him. “Oh, right, of course they couldn’t survive on you, what with all the times I’ve cast  _ scourgify  _ on you.” 

“Not to mention the noxious cigarette smoke.”

“God, it’s a wonder you’re still alive with functioning lungs, you old bugger.”

“Why are you so ageist,  _ Kersti Ridgelow _ ? No need to pick on me just because I was born at the end of 1959.” 

“That’s a perfect reason to pick on you,  _ Sirius Black _ . You’re a defenseless, crippled old man.” 

“Crippled?!” Sirius said, looking at me incredulously. “Come here and I’ll show you just how fucking crippled I am,  _ Kersti Ridgelow _ ,” he said, and then made a dash for me. I leapt away, tearing off at a furious pace past a bewildered Lily and James, laughing as I tried to outrun Sirius. I made great headway up the hill, and perhaps I might have outpaced Sirius, if it weren’t for McGonagall standing there at the rendez-vous point, the third years gathered around her like ducklings following a mother goose. I managed to stop a few paces from where McGonagall was walking amongst the third years, making sure that they hadn’t left anything behind and that no one was about to unleash any Stink Pellets on the lot of them. I heard Sirius come up to stand beside me, followed by the Head Boy and Girl who went together to report to McGonagall and take over her duty of reigning in the tweens who were buzzing with laughter and chatter. 

“I’m surprised you made it up that hill at that pace, old man,” I said, turning to Sirius. 

He gave me a look. “I’ll get you tonight for that. No one’s going to hear your calls for help in the Dungeons in the middle of the night,” he said, smirking at me. 

I simply quirked an eyebrow at him and blew him a kiss. Little did he know, the prospect of being alone with him in the middle of the night and sneaking around had me giddy with nerves. I just hoped that I wouldn’t do anything foolish and that I would be able to control myself around him until I had reached the safety of my dormitory again. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Miraculously, James and Lily managed to herd the third years back to Hogwarts in one piece, and the two of them were so busy trying to manage the chaos of the thirteen- and fourteen-year-olds that I didn’t have words with Potter, and instead hung back with Sirius as we walked. I figured that James and I had clashed so little on the Hogsmeade outing as compared to when we ran into each other in the castle because he was on his best behaviour for Lily, and because so much of his attention was fixed on her, not leaving any room for me. Good riddance. Eventually we arrived back at Hogwarts with the third years, who filed into the Great Hall in time for lunch, while the older students followed them in, and soon the hall was full of happy students tucking into their lunches. 

I was walking with Lily towards the Great Hall when James called out to her from behind, where he had been following us with Sirius. “Uh, Lily, can I, er. . . have a moment? Please.” 

We turned around and I saw the most unusual expression on James’s face: nervousness. Lily blushed and looked down. “Of course, Potter. I’ll see you after lunch, Kersti,” she said to me, chewing on her lower lip and not quite meeting my gaze. I looked at Sirius and shrugged, neither of us knowing what was going on. Sirius and I fell into step as we walked by them. 

“Bet you 10 galleons that Potter is about to ask her to be his girlfriend,” I said to Sirius. 

He smiled, shaking his head. “Even I can see that, I’m not betting against you. Like you said, you’re a Ravenclaw and too clever for your own good,” he said, smiling conspiratorially at me. 

“Fuck, and here I was, thinking I could make you 10 galleons poorer.”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. “You’ve got the wrong Marauder, love. Should’ve made a bet with Wormtail.” 

“You’d throw the poor little chap into the lion’s den like that?” 

Sirius grinned and raised an eyebrow. “No, not the lion’s den. The tiger’s den.” 

I laughed. “Brilliant.” We had paused just inside the Great Hall, Lily and James somewhere farther behind us having no doubt an interesting conversation as Sirius and I were standing, overlooking the House tables. “I’ll see you tonight at midnight, then?” I asked, facing Sirius. 

He pushed a dark strand of hair away from his face, other hand in his pocket, and turned his head to me, grey eyes glittering and a smirk adorning his handsome features. “It’s a  _ date _ , love. See you then.” I watched him saunter away to the Gryffindor table, where Remus and Peter were waving frantically to him. I shook my head and smiled to myself. What a handsome wanker. 

I promptly found a spot at the Ravenclaw table and withdrew the book about Seers that Lily had bought for me. A large part of me wished that she hadn’t noticed me reading it, and that she hadn’t bought it for me, for the fact that she no doubt had questions as to why I would be reading a book about Seers. Moreover, I couldn’t tell her that it was extra reading for Divination, as she knew that I wasn’t in the class. I supposed that I would have to hedge the truth about why I had taken such an interest in the book with some half-truths and lies. Just as Lily had, I’d shrunk it for easy transportation in my pocket and quickly performed  _ engorgio _ , and then cracked it open and took a long whiff of the inside, before starting in on the first chapter, sipping at a cup of tea. 

“Spill. The. Tea.” I looked up just as Emily, Lia and Tess plunked themselves down across from me, making me feel like I was about to be interrogated about my Hogsmeade activities. Fuck. Sirius was really developing a habit of making my life harder than it needed to be. 

I closed the book and placed it on my lap, taking a bite of my sandwich. “Hey. How was Hogsmeade?” I turned to Emily. “How’d it go with Riley, Em?” 

“No way, you’re not getting out of this, Kersti,” Tess said, smiling evilly at me. “Tell us everything.” I frowned at her. 

“You don’t get to go out with the school’s heart-throb and not tell us all the juicy details. Doesn’t work like that,” Emily said. 

I opened my mouth to protest. “Look, either give us the dirt or we’ll have to hear from some clueless fifth and sixth years about your Hogsmeade date, and they might say all manner of things out of jealousy,” Lia said, smiling at me. 

I heaved a great sigh. “Fine, fine, alright.” I cleared my throat. I proceeded to give them an outline of the day’s events, downplaying my interactions with Sirius and naturally leaving out the part where I had the premonition about Snape and the specific elements of mine and Sirius’s banter and conversations. I grudgingly admitted that I had gone into Madam Puddifoot’s with Sirius, but that it had been at Lily’s behest. When I had finished, Em and Lia were sitting there, mouths hanging open, and Tess was the only one who seemed to remember that they were in the middle of having lunch. 

“Bloody hell, Kersti,” Lia breathed. 

“Sounds like Sirius Black has a real hard-on for you,” Emily said, giggling and clapping her hands together. “See? I knew that you needed to channel your anger into fucking the shit out of a hot Gryffindor bloke, I just didn’t think that it would be  _ the  _ Sirius Black.” 

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “How and why all the girls at this school, including you, elevate him to the status of a god is beyond me.” 

Em and Lia shrugged and shared a look. “Because he’s ridiculously good-looking?” Lia said tentatively. “And the bad-boy image and the charm too.” 

“And he’s amazing in bed. Merlin, the sex was out of this world,” Emily said, seemingly fondly remembering their two sexual encounters. 

I made a face at her. “Can we stop talking about Sirius goddamn Black, please? I’m dreadfully sick of having my identity and personality revolve around him. He’s not even that charming.” I mumbled the last part, which was a lie since he’d already managed to charm himself into my brain and my sex-drive. 

“So, are you going to sleep with him?” Lia asked. 

“Fuck, can we stop talking about him for once?” I said, getting pissed off. 

“Merlin, you really do need to get laid. You’re strung tighter than a mummy,” Emily said, smirking at me. 

“Fuck. Off,” I growled, and went back to my meal, reading the book as I ate. I was so fucking tired of being hounded just because I was the current subject of Sirius’s fickle interest, as if I had ceased to have a personality and life outside of my relations with him. The girls had more sense than to push me on the topic when I’d made it blatantly obvious that I no longer wanted to discuss it, as they had seen my temper at work before. I quickly finished my meal and then jumped up from the Ravenclaw table, having every intention of spending the rest of my day away from their prying questions in a hidden corridor or spot in the library. At least the Pincer could shut down any conversations rapidly if the girls decided to follow me there. My stomach sank lower and lower as I made my way past the other House tables and to the exit, as I could hear some girls whispering about me and feel invasive gazes studying me. I gritted my teeth and walked faster. 

I was taking the first few steps of one of the magical staircases when I heard Lily calling out to me from a few paces away. 

“Kersti!” I turned to her, pausing as she jogged up to me. “Can I talk to you? Again,” she said, face alight with emotion. 

“Let me guess. Is this about Potter?” I said, smiling at her and lowering my voice. 

Lily’s answer was to turn the colour of a tomato. 

“Let me take a wild guess and say that he officially asked you to be his girlfriend?” 

Lily’s cheeks were flaming but under that she was beaming, her green eyes twinkling. “Yes. God, I feel so. . . happy? Relieved? Nervous? Overall, I feel happy and excited, but there are a lot of other feelings to process.”

I gave her a genuine smile, meeting her eyes. “Congratulations, Lily. I’m so happy for you. A perfect end to a perfect Hogsmeade date, yeah?” 

Lily let loose with an out-of-character whoop and twirled around, unable to keep still because of her joy. I laughed at her exuberance. At least one of us was reaping benefits from their Hogsmeade date; so far all I was collecting were nagging questions and nosy looks from other girls. I might consider Potter to be an irredeemable wanker, but Lily clearly saw him differently and I wasn’t about to rain on her parade because I disliked the bloke. 

Lily’s expression shifted suddenly to a serious one. “Fancy studying together right now? Since we have the test in Ancient Runes and in Charms this Monday.” 

“Sorry Lily, I’d rather not. It’s not you, I swear,” I assured her as her face fell, “it’s just that I don’t have a good enough handle on my temper right now to have Potter come hunt us down. I just need a break from the two tossers, that’s all.” 

“Oh, that’s okay. You’ve put up with a lot so far today,” she said, smiling at me. How was someone so nice as Lily Evans now dating Rotter? “I’ll see you around tomorrow?” 

“Yes, of course,” I said, smiling and waving to her, before I continued up the magical staircase, heading for the school’s library. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


I hung out in the library that day and into the late hours, not wanting to have to come back to the dormitory and then risk the girls noticing me leave on my thievery expedition. I didn’t doubt that they would pester me about where I was going, and since the details wouldn’t have been forthcoming in that instance, they’d definitely assume that I was running off to fuck Sirius silly in a broom closet. Our liaison tonight wouldn’t be that exciting, unfortunately for them. And for me, I grudgingly admitted. 

I left the library and got to the benches just outside the Great Hall early, the Seer book in hand. I transfigured one shoe into a big cozy blanket and the other into a cushion, and then got comfy and cracked open the book again, reading by the light of the torches on the walls. Typical me, I fell asleep like that, cheek resting on the open pages of the book as it balanced on my bended knees. But could you really blame me? I’d gotten a mere two hours of sleep that night, the Hogsmeade excursion had drained most of my energy, and I’d been fraught with tension ever since I’d had the premonition about Snape. 

“Love. Wake up, love,” I heard someone say as they grasped my arm, and I jolted awake, head flying up. Sirius was there, crouching in front of me, a characteristic smirk on his face. “You sure you need that potion for Dreamless Sleep, love? Seems to me like you’ve no trouble falling asleep.” 

“Oh, God,” I grumbled, rubbing at my face and groaning from the pain of waking up from a much-needed nap. “Merlin’s arsehole, I need to put a permanent sticking charm on my eyelids so that they can’t close without my permission.” 

Sirius straightened up, chuckling. “At least I wasn’t Avery coming to prank you while you slept, love. Or do you want me to?”

I gave him a look. “No, goddammit. I’m sick of Avery’s pranks. He always does them while I’m sleeping because he knows he wouldn’t be able to land a spell otherwise. Cowardly arsehole.”

Sirius laughed. “All three of them are greasy, cowardly gits.”

“I s’pose you and Potter are the resident experts on them, what with all the pranks you’ve pulled on them over the years.”

“Exactly, love,” Sirius said, throwing a wink in for good measure. My mouth twisted into a half-smile of its own accord. 

I stood up from the bench, reversing the transfigurations on my shoes and then slipping them on, shrinking the book back to the size of a matchbox. “Rightio, let’s go,” I said in a comical voice, starting off towards the Dungeons. Sirius chuckled and easily kept stride with me. “Obviously just be quiet and keep an eye and an ear out, and we should be right as rain,” I said.

“And run like bloody hell if Slughorn or Peeves or Filch appears,” Sirius said, grinning from ear to ear, a noticeable spring in his step. 

In no time we were in the corridor that housed the entrance to the Potions classroom, and we slowed to a silent walk as the green-painted door came into view. 

“You didn’t strike me as the sort to steal from a teacher, Ridgelow,” Sirius whispered close to my ear. I shivered and didn’t turn my head, for fear of meeting those grey eyes of his and making a rash decision. 

“Well, you don’t know me  _ that _ well. I’ve no goddamn morals about some things, and if I do have them about others, they’re very lax,” I whispered back. 

“I’m surprised Evans still tolerates you.”

“Shhh!” I pretended to look around as we stopped in front of the Potions room door, which made him look a tad surprised, as if I had heard Slughorn stirring nearby. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” I quipped, smirking at him taking my looking-around seriously, as if there had actually been a teacher somewhere near. He smiled, shaking his head, and I couldn’t help but notice his dark waves bouncing with the movement. I couldn’t stop my gaze from lingering on his handsome features as we stood together, our eyes meeting. 

Fuck. I didn’t care anymore about my supposed pride or resolve or the complications that it might incur with hanging out with Lily and the other Marauders. I didn’t care about any of that anymore, I didn’t want to hold myself back any longer. Looking at him in the half-light from the torches, I wanted him to fuck me senseless. I wanted his mouth on mine and I wanted his hands all over me, burning my skin with his touch and leaving no part of me unexplored. I wanted to feel him inside me, filling me up and making me cum around his cock. I shivered, my stomach twisting with nervous excitement and desire settling between my legs. God, this was going to be a long night. I just had to control myself for the short time it would take for us to nick the ingredients, and then I could dash up to my room and masturbate, and then take a moment to make sure that I was confident in my decision to let Sirius have his way with my body. At least I would fare much better than almost all the other girls he slept with, because I was going in with both eyes open and knowing that he would just fuck me several times and then move on to the next novel girl, and I wouldn’t get my hopes up that it would lead to anything more than no-strings-attached sex. I was fine with that, all I needed was to release my pent up sexual energy and then I could be at peace. I was confident that I’d find a way to get over the awkwardness of being around him after he had moved on from using me as his fling, when I’d inevitably run into him when he was with James, who was now Lily’s boyfriend. I’d deal with it all in stride. Sirius Black was a miniscule problem compared to managing my dreams and visions. 

I cleared my throat and turned to the door. Sirius raised a knowing eyebrow at me. “ _ Alohomora _ ,” I whispered, barely touching my wand to the lock. It clicked once and then I gently pushed the door open with my fingertips. There was the classroom, laid out as usual, except it was lit solely by the odd bunch of floating candles and sans the usual students. I waited a beat on the threshold, listening for any movement. Hearing nothing, I tiptoed inside, followed by Sirius. 

“I’ll start on the ingredients, can you get the silver cauldron?” I said. 

Sirius flashed me a grin in response, and I watched as he padded over to the cauldron pile to look for one. 

I didn’t cast  _ lumos _ as I came to stand in the supply corner with all the jars and bottles of ingredients, because I didn’t want to alert anyone to my presence, and because I could see just fine in such low lighting, all thanks to my tiger eyes. I quickly found the chamomile and lavender, as well as the Moly plants, but it took me a little longer to find the Honeywater and Sopophorous beans, and in the time that I was searching for the last two ingredients Sirius had found the silver cauldron and was holding it under his arm as he came to stand next to me as I rummaged as quietly as I could through the bottles in front of me. I wasn’t sure if he chose to stand so close to me, only a hair’s breadth away, because he was flirting with me or not. Either way, I could sense every shift of his body as he stood so close, the sounds of his steady, slow breaths washing over me. My skin prickled and my heart raced. I swallowed the lump in my throat. 

“How the actual fuck do you see in here?” he said, his breath brushing against my ear as he leaned in even closer to whisper to me, as I scanned for those goddamn Sopophorous beans that had decided that they didn’t want to be found tonight. 

“Animagus vision. Well, of course you’d know about that too, but tigers, and cats in general, have better night vision than dogs. About twice as good to be precise,” I said in one big breath, not trusting myself to meet his gaze from this close to him. I might lose focus on the accursed beans and concentrate too much on his dark locks and his lips that were perfect for kissing. 

I saw him grinning at me out of the corner of my eye and I swallowed again. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck me. 

“Found you, you little bastard,” I cursed as I finally located the beans, and then shortly after them, the Honeywater. “Come on, old man, let’s get the hell out of here before Peeves shows up,” I said, whipping around and tip-toeing back towards the door. No way was I letting Sirius make any move towards me before I had thoroughly thought through my sudden decision to let him fuck me.

As soon as I had silently shut the door behind us, we took off at a dash through the corridors, trying to not laugh as loudly as we might have during the daylight hours, spurred on by the thrill of getting away with stealing and being the only ones awake at this hour, and perhaps even from the rush of our flirting. I certainly was feeling full of piss and vinegar from flirting with Sirius and having him return the gesture, now that I was actually wanting to go ahead and sleep with him. When we arrived back at our starting point outside the Great Hall, I turned to face Sirius, reaching for the silver cauldron in his grasp. 

He tutted at me and held it out of my reach. “No word of thanks, love?” he said, eyes twinkling at me and lips curled upwards in a smirk. 

I took a step back, not trusting myself right now to stand in his space, practically pressed up against his body. “Thank you for your help,” I said, bowing mockingly to him. 

“No thank-you kiss?”

I snorted. 

“Not even a small, measly kiss for me?”

“Don’t push it, old geezer,” I said, giving him a look. 

“Come on, love, I know you want to kiss me. Why not a thank-you one to end our lovely night of mischief and thievery?” he said, taking several steps closer until he was within touching distance, less than a foot from me. I noticed how easily I could reach out and sink my fingers into his long hair from this close, those grey eyes fixed on my hazel ones. Oh, Merlin save me. He knew exactly what he was doing as he stared down at me, boldly flicking his gaze down to my slightly-parted lips. 

“Not right now, Sirius. I have to go.”

He smirked widely. The sexy fucker knew that I couldn’t hold out against his charm for very much longer, and so did I. But that didn’t mean that I wouldn’t make sure that I looked before I leapt, and so I gave him a last, lingering look, taking the silver cauldron from him when he held it out to me, and turned away, walking as calmly as I could to the magical staircases on my ascent to the Ravenclaw tower, feeling like those desperate girls from younger years who go barmy from their desire to bone him. Fuck. I was going to have to masturbate when I got up to my dormitory. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took the list of ingredients for the potion from this link, credits go to the author of this page: http://wandw.wikidot.com/potion:dreamless-sleep-potion


	12. Tickles

I woke up late on Sunday morning, and though I hadn’t brewed and drunk the Potion for Dreamless Sleep last night using the stolen supplies, I had surprisingly slept through the night without any dreams. I lounged around, the only one in the circular dormitory room, until lunch when I went down to finally eat something. My stomach was growling nearly as loud as I could in my animagus form. I made it to the Great Hall early, and so I once more started reading the Seer book that Lily had bought me; however, this time I didn’t fall asleep while reading, nor was I rudely interrupted. Luckily the book was so engrossing that it helped me ignore all the girls giving me the hairy eyeball or staring at me curiously, wondering what was so special about me that I had landed the attention of Sirius Black. Even I didn’t know how I’d managed that. 

I tucked away my book when the food appeared, which was followed by the appearance of Emily, Lia and Tess. I spoke before they had a chance to sit down, still pissed off about lunch yesterday. 

“I’ll be frank, if any one of you is planning on hassling and pestering me about a certain tall, dark and handsome seventh-year Gryffindor tosser, then I’ll save us all the effort and tell you all to sit somewhere else,” I snapped. 

Tess held her hands up in surrender, while Lia looked crestfallen and Emily sniggered. “Okay, okay, we get it. No mentions of the very-fuckable Gryffindor King today,” Em said, wiggling her eyebrows at me. 

I ignored her comment and went back to reading my book. Tess and Emily sat down across from me, while Lia walked around to join me on the other side. 

“I’m sorry about yesterday at lunch, Kersti,” Lia said quietly to me. 

I put down my book and smiled at her. “Doesn’t matter anymore, don’t worry about it. How’d Hogsmeade go for you, Lia?” 

“It was fine. Had to endure a lot of quidditch talk, though. I’d’ve much preferred to have you as an intermediary between me and Tess’s incessant quidditch chatter.” 

I smiled sympathetically at her. “Next time, Lia. I’ll be there to save you from Tess and her quidditch blather.”

She smiled and took a bite of her lunch. “Are you joining us for the first match of the season? It’s Ravenclaw versus Slytherin.” 

I looked at her blankly. “Er, sure. . .”

“Did you forget about it?” she said, chuckling. 

“Yes.” So much had happened already that it was no wonder that quidditch had slipped my brain, given that I had no real reason to pay attention to this year’s season; I didn’t care for it and I wasn’t on the team. 

“It’s this coming Friday after classes.”

“Okay, yeah, I’ll be there. Do I dare ask Tess what she thinks their chances are?” 

“If you want your ear talked right off your head, perhaps. From what I managed to gather yesterday, she thinks quite highly of the new recruits already.” 

“Perfect, no need to ask her then,” I said and we chuckled. Give Tess an inch, and she’d take a mile when it came to listening to her quidditch rants. 

“Oh, hey, Evans,” I heard Tess say, and I turned in my seat to see Lily stopping to stand behind Lia and I on the bench. She smiled at Tess in greeting. 

“Hey, Lily. Alright there?” I asked her. 

“Yes, I’m brilliant. I was just wondering if you’d like to do that Ancient Runes studying after lunch?” 

I finished the last of my sandwich and stood up. “How about right now?” 

She beamed. Only Lily Evans could look that excited at the prospect of translating a foot of some musty text. “Let’s get going then, Kersti.” 

I said goodbye to the girls and then Lily and I started to make our way out of the Great Hall, which unfortunately required us to walk closer to the Gryffindor table. I saw James crane his neck and lean backwards in his seat, eyeballing Lily as we neared the doors. 

“Hold on, Lily, one moment,” I said and paused at the end of the Gryffindor table closest to us, James farther down the room as he sat currently ignoring Sirius, Remus and Peter in his transfixion on Lily. I whispered the incantation, not relying on a non-verbal spell since the accuracy would be questionable from this far away. I could see her fighting the smile that threatened to come onto her face as we watched James who tried to get up to come hound us, only to find that his ass was firmly stuck to the bench. Lily and I turned away before McGonagall or another professor could pin the damage on us, even as James started to attract the attention of the hall as he tried in vain to stand up, only succeeding in moving the other parts of his body wildly. His ass wouldn’t be leaving that seat for a while. 

“That was revenge for the  _ slugulus eructo _ ,” I said. 

“It was meant for you, yeah? But your shield charm blocked it,” Lily said. 

“Yep. That should buy us some studying time in peace,” I said, and we sniggered on our way to the library. It was highly amusing for us to get one over on James Potter for once, instead of the usual other way around. “Where should we study?”

“The library?” 

“Oh, shit,” I said, realizing something. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve pranked Potter just now, because that’ll probably make him even more set on tracking you down.” 

Lily’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, right. . . How about we study in the Gryffindor Common Room then?” she asked as we turned a corner to go up yet another flight of stairs. 

“You mean, sorta-reverse psychology? Going to the easiest-to-access but least-expected place to get away from them?” 

“Exactly,” she said. 

“But what about their nifty charm or spell or item or whatever it is that lets Potter track us down every time?” 

Lily shrugged. “I guess we’ll just have to see how this goes? If it’s a spell then it would have to have limitations as to the area that it covers, and perhaps they failed to include the Gryffindor tower as relevant? I know that it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it’s worth a shot, isn’t it?” 

I nodded, thinking about it. “We’ll see how it goes, then. We don’t know what we’re up against that allows them to find out where we are all the time, and it could very well be a spell that notes our presence when we’re in its catchment area. In that case, it seems unlikely that they would consider the Gryffindor Common Room and tower to be worth including, as we would normally be hiding from them anywhere but there.” 

With that decided, we shifted trajectories and hiked up to the Gryffindor tower. Jesus, I hoped that this would work, because if the Marauders did track us down again, I would be all alone in the lion’s den (pun intended), and I would either have to claw myself out or make a mad dash for the portrait hole. Lily and I soon arrived within sight of the fat lady portrait, and the fat lady in question was singing yet again, this time trying to make the eardrums of all the portraits around her bleed with her screeching. I quickly ducked behind a suit of armour. 

Lily spun around, confused by my bizarre behaviour. “What in Merlin’s name are you doing, Kersti?” 

“Shh! She won’t let me in if she sees me.” 

“What? You mean the fat lady?” 

“Yes,” I whispered. “I called her a bitch because she was carrying on and screeching and wouldn’t let anyone in. We had a shouting match next time I tried to get in, when I came to the party that got busted.” 

Lily raised an eyebrow at me and crossed her arms. “You deserved that, since you called her names. Don’t you also deserve to be stranded outside of the Common Room while I go in?” she said, green eyes twinkling and a rare smirk on her face. 

“Can you give her the password and then I’ll dash by? Please, Lily?” 

She nudged me with her elbow. “Just teasing you, of course I will.” With that, she went calmly up to the fat lady, gave her the password, and the portrait swung aside. I leapt out from behind the suit of armour and sprinted to the portrait hole and through to the Common Room. Lily was laughing at my frantic dash when I slid to a stop just inside the Gryffindor Common Room from her position by one of the fireplaces, already getting her books, parchment, quills and ink pots organized on a wide table in between two armchairs. The Common Room was of course the same as it had been when I’d been inside the last two times, but I hoped that this time my presence here wouldn’t result in me getting distracted by Sirius, as Lily and I had a fair amount of studying to do. However, the main reasons that I didn’t want him to show up were because he would inevitably be accompanied by Rotter, who would annoy the shit out of me most likely, and because I wanted to spend some time away from him to make absolutely sure that I was prepared to accept the consequences of finally letting him fuck me. He made it very hard for me to consider both the pros and cons of sleeping with him when he was right there in front of me, charming his way into my pants with his freakishly-good looks and devilish smiles and smart banter. Concentrating on anything besides him when he was in the room was hard. 

“Nice to finally see the room when I’m sober,” I said as I started pulling all manner of study materials out of my bag. 

Lily shook her head, her eyebrows creased in a frown. “I don’t fancy seeing any of my friends drunk and out of control. It really does worry me, you know?”

“I’m always out of control, Lily, drunk or not.”

She gave me a sharp look. “All the more reason for you to not drink.” 

“Don’t worry, Lily. I only drink socially, and I doubt that even a Gryffindor will be brave enough to host another party in the Common Room after the last one got shut down by McGonagall.” 

Lily raised an eyebrow at me, unconvinced. “Oh, really?” 

I held up both hands. “Swear on my life, Lily. Firewhiskey is nasty, I couldn’t drink that stuff often anyway.” 

She sighed and sat down in her armchair, now that she had all her study materials arranged on the table. “Let’s just get to studying, why don’t we?” she said. “God, how I managed to get so deeply involved with a pair of crazy monkeys like you and James is quite remarkable.” 

I burst out laughing. “Crazy monkey? I like it. Never been called that before.” 

Lily tried to fix me with a stern, unamused look over the top of her Ancient Runes book, but the effect was marred when we fell into giggles. “Sometimes I wish that you were in Gryffindor with me, but then I remember that you and James would drive each other mad, as well as the rest of us. And I’d no doubt get stuck in between the two of you,” Lily said, laughing to herself. 

“Merlin, I don’t even want to think about how that would’ve gone down,” I said. “Although, you may yet be dragged into our feuding.” I paused to clap my hands together. “Alright, let’s get started, like you said. We don’t have much time before we might be ambushed.” With that, Lily and I got down to work, whipping through our translations easily and then taking longer to discuss said translations and craft the required commentaries that would accompany the translations, all in preparation for the test tomorrow. Lily was the best study buddy that anyone could ask for, and when we had peace and quiet like this we were very productive. We were a force to be reckoned with when we worked together on our Ancient Runes classwork, being the two top students, and I was sure that if we were paired together for all our other classes too, we’d blow the rest of our year out of the water. During a brief pause in our studying an hour in, Lily went to get a glass of water from her dormitory, while I stayed in our studying spot, guarding our things from a few Gryffindor students who had been sporadically coming and going from the Common Room since lunch ended. No one really took much notice of me, seeing as I was sunk low in my chair, making me partially hidden, and most of the students were spending their afternoons doing things that were more fun than studying, leaving the Common Room quite deserted. On a nice sunny day like today, I’d imagine a fair number of students were trying to enjoy the weather on the grounds before winter rolled around and shut us all in the castle. I’d decided to brew the Potion for Dreamless Sleep tonight, as maybe then I’d get enough of a decent sleep to make classes and the Charms and Ancient Runes tests on Monday easier. Lily was still upstairs in the dormitory when I heard the dreaded voices. 

“I don’t care, I’m finishing the rest of the Honeydukes’ lot. Wormtail won’t exactly be in the best of shape to finish the other chocolates when he’s released.” 

“Moony, so unlike you to be selfish. Are you ill, mate?” 

“It’s chocolate, he’s always selfish about that. Or have you forgotten how he knocked down those Hufflepuffs in third year?” 

“I must confess, I was rather too excited on our first Hogsmeade trip. Not that you two were any nicer to the other students in Zonko’s.”

“What can I say, eat or get eaten.”

I sank as low as possible in my armchair, hoping that they wouldn’t run into Lily on her way out of the dormitory, and that a certain fuckable Gryffindor wouldn’t see me trying to hide from him in the Common Room furniture. 

“Where d’you think Evans has run off to?”

“Beats me, Prongs.”

“Doesn’t she usually study in the library?” 

“She wouldn’t choose such an accessible spot, not with that  _ thing _ to influence her decisions.”

“Easy enough to find her.”

“Have to say it, you deserved that revenge sticking charm.”

“I fail to see why.” 

“Tit for tat, Prongs. It wasn’t as bad as what she would’ve gotten hit with in Hogsmeade.”

“I have to agree with Padfoot on this one. An unpleasant hex, to say the least.”

“Oh, shut it, you. Always the diplomat.” 

I sighed in relief and sat back up in my chair as the voices faded away, their friendly bickering growing fainter as they no doubt climbed the boys’ dormitory staircase. To do what, I wasn’t sure. A few minutes later, Lily came back down the stairs and over to her previous spot in the armchair, unaware of who had just entered the Gryffindor tower. 

“Uh, Lily, we’re going to have to leave.”

She looked up in surprise from her parchment. “Why?” 

“The boys-” I started to say, but suddenly an explanation was no longer needed. 

“Bloody hell!” I heard James say from the top of the boys’ dormitory staircase, and then watched in defeat as he came flying down the staircase and bounding over to Lily, reminding me a lot of his animagus. “Evans, I was looking for you everywhere, and here you are, of all places! Have I mentioned that you’re looking particularly beautiful today?” he said as he skidded to a stop by Lily, who got up from her chair to greet him. 

“Hi, James. It’s, er. . . nice to see you today too. I was just studying some Ancient Runes,” she said, standing in front of him. I scrunched up my nose at the sappy looks that they were giving each other, James reaching out and taking Lily’s small hand in his own. 

“I missed you today, my kind Lily,” he said, and I swear to God that they were going to start kissing each other right then, if it hadn’t been for Sirius sauntering past them, having followed James down the stairs. 

“Merlin, get a room, you two.” His eyes landed on me and my heart had a seizure of sorts in my chest. “Why are you hiding all alone in the corner, love?” he asked me. 

“Why do you think, old man?” I said, gesturing to the happy couple. 

He chuckled, the usual smirk gracing his features, as he once again took up residence on the arm of my armchair, looking down at me. I tried to not stare up at him like some loony fifth year, but I wasn’t very successful. “I can see Evans coming here to study, but not you. Are you here to sneak a peek at my bedroom?” 

I laughed, his smirking infectious, and so I found myself returning the gesture. “’Course not. We thought that you might not look to find us here, of all places. Tell me, how did Rotter find us this time? Even though all three of you walked right by us just now when you came in.” 

“That’s not true,” James snapped, distracted from his lovey-dovey staring at Lily by Sirius and I talking. “Moony- er. . . Remus pointed you two out.”

“Yeah, right,” I scoffed. 

“I’ll admit it, I knew that you were here because I can smell you from a mile away with my dog nose. It’s that terrible smell of litter box,” Sirius said. 

“Fuck you! I most certainly do not smell like a litter box,” I said, laughing as I elbowed him sharply in the side. He didn’t seem to mind, as he was grinning from ear to ear at me. 

“It’s all in good fun, love. You don’t actually smell like cat piss, or else I wouldn’t be wanting to fuck you silly,” he said, leaning over to speak softly to me. Jesus Christ, only Sirius could say something like that and make it sound charming. 

Lily coughed loudly, making Sirius and I cease our staring at each other. “Where’s Pettigrew?” she asked, nodding at Remus who was reading a book on a couch in the corner, clearly uncomfortable with playing the third wheel (or was it fifth wheel?). 

James ruffled the top of his hair absentmindedly, no doubt a habit that he’d started when he had grown thick enough hair to do so. “We had to drop him off at the Hospital wing after lunch. Poor old chap ate far too much Honeydukes’ chocolate from yesterday, gave him a nasty stomach ache.” 

“Of course we tried to keep his morale up for a good while after we dropped him off, but I think he might very well be a goner,” Sirius said nonchalantly. 

Lily gave him a stern look, evidently finding such doomsday humour lacking. I supposed that there was a reason that I was the one of us who enjoyed Sirius’s banter. “When’s the funeral?” I asked. 

“Dunno. We’re still holding out for a recovery, though maybe that’s just wishful thinking,” Sirius said. 

James paused to stroke his chin in a comical gesture. “He was looking rather frail and on his last limbs, wasn’t he, Padfoot?” 

“James! That’s not funny. Knock it off, you two,” Lily said. “Just because we’re now dating doesn’t mean I won’t still use my Advanced Charms textbook if necessary,” she said, brandishing it threateningly at him. 

James rubbed his arm, clearly remembering the last time she’d attacked him with it. “That won’t be very effective if I get you first,” he said, his whole demeanor changing as he leapt at her, fingers outstretched and preparing to tickle her into submission. Lily let out a shriek and took off across the Common Room, dodging furniture and the odd group of students in her escape from James’s tickling. 

I chuckled as I watched James corner Lily near the windows, holding onto and twirling her around as she tried to squirm out of his arms. She managed to wring herself free and bolt back over to our two armchairs. “I reckon they have an urgent appointment in Potter’s four poster bed,” I said, nudging Sirius, and loud enough that Lily could hear. 

Lily pinned me with a withering look. She waved her wand and the study materials that we’d had out on the table started returning themselves into our respective bags. “I’ve surmised that neither of us will ever get any studying done with these two hooligans around, and especially not you, Kersti.” She said, gesturing between Sirius and I with a finger. 

“Hey! You were the one running around the Common Room, that doesn’t seem fair to pin it on me,” I protested. 

“Aw, love, can’t bear to leave me? I’m sure that we can have our own appointment in my four poster bed right now,” Sirius said, quirking an eyebrow at me, his gaze falling to my lips yet again. 

I stood right up out of the chair. “Actually, you’re completely right, Lily. Let’s get out of here,” I said in a strained voice, suddenly feeling dangerously hot and bothered, heat blossoming between my legs. I didn’t think that I could stand Sirius leaning closer to me once more, or else my hands might sink themselves into his hair and pull him in for a desperate kiss of their own accord. In lightning speed, the rest of my things made their way into my bag and I was making yet another mad dash for the portrait hole, a pleasantly surprised Lily trotting after me, after she had said goodbye to James. 

She gave me an amical nudge when we were clear of the Common Room. “Looks like the pot is calling the kettle black, Kersti. Talking about James and I having  _ relations _ , but running away from Black who is itching to have a roll in the sack with you?” She tutted at me, a smile curling her lips. 

“Alright, alright. You’re not wrong. I just wanted to get away so I have more time to consider the consequences of getting involved with Black before I make any rash decisions.” 

“Can’t control yourself around him,  _ love _ ?” she said, imitating Sirius’s nickname of sorts for me at the end. 

“Oh, yeah? Well, don’t make me tickle you all the way to the Ravenclaw tower, Lily Evans!” I said, creeping towards her while wiggling my fingers and grinning maniacally at her. 

“No! Don’t you even dare, Kersti Ridgelow!” she said, and let out a shriek when I jumped at her. I proceeded to chase Lily up to the Ravenclaw tower, both of us laughing hysterically at our antics. Somehow, that weekend I’d managed to have the most fun that I’d had to date at Hogwarts, and all thanks to Lily Evans and Sirius Black, two people whom I would have never thought that I’d be close with in all my years here. Perhaps this year wasn’t so bad after all. 


	13. Letting the cat out of the bag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic sexy times incoming ;)
> 
> Electric Feel by MGMT

I was back in my family’s house in this dream, in the bustling Muggle neighbourhood with the street full of children running back and forth, and happy couples walking together. I was standing in the modest living room, and though all of the furniture was in the right place, and nothing out of order, it didn’t feel right. It was deadly quiet in the house, with the noise only coming from outside: children’s voices, birds chirping, the barks of a dog. I walked over to the white-painted fireplace in the wall, noting the absence of the usual photographs which depicted my parents, my brother and me on various vacations and at family events. I frowned. Why would the family photographs not be there? 

“Mum? Dad?” I called out, turning to walk through the open-concept kitchen and dining room and down to the hallway that branched away to our three bedrooms. The house was totally silent, save the noise that I was making as I walked down to my parents’ room. I reached their room and pushed the door open. 

Nothing. Nothing was out of the ordinary, all the furniture in the same spots, everything clean and in its place. I turned and padded down to my younger brother’s room, but I was met again by the sight of what should be a perfectly normal bedroom, but which felt so very  _ off _ to me for some reason. I went back to my parents’ room and peered out the window. Their car wasn’t in its usual spot in the driveway, but that was the only clue that I had to go on. I turned to pace around their room, when I noticed their closet: empty. No clothes, no shoes, no suitcases that usually sat on the top shelf. Had they taken a vacation? But then why would they clear out their entire walk-in closet? I quickly went over to my brother’s room and was met with the same sight of no clothes or possessions that he could have easily taken. My stomach seized. I ran into the kitchen and sure enough, our cat’s food and water bowls were gone, with no sign of the cat. 

I ran to the front door and flung it open, bursting through it and onto the front path that cut through the lawn. From outside, there was nothing that would give away the emptiness of the inside of the house. I dashed back inside and sprinted to my room. A frantic once-over of my bedroom confirmed that all my clothes and things were in their usual spots, just as I had left them when I had departed for King’s Cross Station on September first. What the hell had happened? Had my family abandoned me while I was at school? 

I went back out into the living room and that was when I saw the two letters sitting on the coffee table. Once was in a flimsy Muggle envelope, the Muggle lined-paper within visible through the envelope. It was addressed to me, with my name written in cursive letters in the ink of a Muggle pen, a feminine touch to the calligraphy. But unlike a Muggle letter, it had no postage stamp and no return address, and I could see on the top edge where it had been crumpled by the gripping feet of an owl. I shifted my attention to the other letter, which was in an envelope with rich, thick paper, the texture and weight of the letter in my hands giving away the expensiveness of the stationary that was used. I ran my finger along the edge of the envelope, the paper luxurious under my fingertips. My name was also written on the front of the envelope, this time in a messy, distracted scrawl and written with a quill and ink. But who had written and sent the letters to me? They were clearly from different people, with dissimilar incomes if the stationary were anything to go on, and one had been written in Muggle fashion, while the other was written with a wizarding quill and inkpot. I abruptly felt a terrible and great sense of sadness and guilt wash over me. Something had happened to my family, and somehow in this glimpse of the future it was my fault. I had done something terrible, and I could sense that the two letters that I held in my hands were ones that I should have received, but never did. I had never managed to receive the letters on time, and now they sat in my hands, burning holes into my palms with their weight. What had I done? And why had I done it? I looked down at the letters, and the last thing that I saw was my name, written so differently on both envelopes; my name, searing into my brain as the tears fell. 

I cried out in my sleep and thrashed awake. I could still see those two envelopes in my hand and feel the space of my family’s house around me, even though I now lay on my back in my four poster bed, looking up at the ceiling of the dormitory. So much for dreamless sleep. I’d secretly brewed and taken the Potion for Dreamless Sleep last night, and this was what I was met with in the morning hours of Monday? God-fucking-dammit. At least this time it was only six in the morning, and not three or four. I had quite a few doses left of the potion, since Sirius and I had stolen enough ingredients to make a large batch, so maybe the dose would work better next time. Or perhaps my adventure of thievery with Sirius had been a waste of time, as the potion wouldn’t do diddly squat to counteract my Seer dreams. Well, sneaking around and flirting with Sirius in the middle of the night hadn’t been a waste of time, as it had been very entertaining and  _ exciting _ for me. A little too  _ exciting _ , if my reactions to being in close proximity to him had been anything to go on. 

Jesus Christ. If I was already thinking about Sirius when I was this half-asleep and this early in the morning, then my sex-drive was indeed going haywire from my lack of sex, and I was truly in need of a good, hard fuck. If I were lucky, Sirius finally fucking me would not only let me release my pent-up sexual energy, but would also distract me from the depressing Seer dream that I’d just had. Fuck. I had a feeling that today would be a long day. 

  
  
  
  


I yawned for the fifth time already as I walked down to Potions. I’d grabbed a sandwich during lunch and then dashed out of the Great Hall, opting to eat on my way up to the library. I’d finished reading and studying the wandless spells book that I’d nicked from the Restricted Section, and I was in need of some new reading material to further my wandless magic. Despite her wraith-like appearance, the Pincer did in fact eat in the Great Hall during meals with the rest of the school’s staff, and so I’d grabbed something to eat and then headed to the library, needing the Pincer to be occupied when I snuck into the Restricted Section again to steal a book. Like before, getting in was a piece of cake and I unlocked the door with a wandless  _ alohomora  _ this time and stole a different book:  _ Performing One Hundred and One Wandless Defensive Spells _ . Now, I was walking on my own down to the dungeons, bracing myself for Sluggie’s Potions class because I shared it with the girls and Lily, and also the Marauders. According to my watch, I should be just in time to join up with the other students in the class and sneak into their ranks before Slughorn noticed that I hadn’t arrived with them. Well, not that Slughorn was liable to notice anything, and especially not from someone who wasn’t in his precious Slug Club. I mainly was hoping that Lily wouldn’t notice that I hadn’t walked down to the dungeons with Tess, Em, and Lia as usual, because she would probably ask me where I’d been sneaking around and quite possibly go all mother-hen on me. Only Lily could do that in the nicest way possible without being a nagging mum. 

As I walked through the halls alone, I noticed that I was still getting flack from other girls in the form of whispers and stares. I wanted to turn around and yell at them to  _ stick their heads where the sun don’t shine _ , but I knew that yelling such things would only be adding fuel to the fire, and I would definitely lose House points for shouting profanities in the corridors. It was all so ridiculous too, because it wasn’t like I had snatched Sirius up by making him my boyfriend with one silly little Hogsmeade date. He’d only asked me to Hogsmeade because he wanted to get into my pants, for fuck’s sake. How did Sirius live like this, getting constantly ogled? I was starting to go barmy and it had only been a week or two. 

As I neared the corridor where the classroom was, I couldn’t help but smile to myself, remembering how Sirius and I had torn through the hallways on Saturday night, burning a path to and from that green-painted door, so intent on not only our mission of thievery, but on our flirtation. I smiled wryly; somehow I had fallen prey to the infamous charm of Sirius Black myself, and now I was going around Hogwarts like so many other girls who were dying to sleep with him. God, I was becoming so  _ boring  _ and  _ predictable _ . 

I rounded the corner and there was the rest of the class, chatting and laughing and carrying on in their groups, scattered around the hallway just outside the Potions classroom door. I waited a beat, scanning the groups of students for the girls. I wasn’t too keen on joining Lily at that particular moment, as she was no doubt with James, who was no doubt with Sirius, who would no doubt flirt with me and make me horny as hell. I saw Emily, Lia and Tess across the corridor, standing near a group of other Ravenclaws, and I decided to make my way over to them, trying my best to give Lily and the Marauders a wide berth, who were unfortunately nearer to me than the Ravenclaw group. 

“Hello, kitten. Where are you going?” I heard someone say, and I turned to find Sirius walking the few strides between my spot and that of the Marauders’ to close in on me. He was sporting his typical smirk which fit so well on his face, his dark waves framing his cheekbones and facial structure. Jesus fucking Christ. I met his wily gaze, willing myself to not quiver with repressed urges to jump his bones right there in the middle of the corridor. 

“Nowhere,” I quipped, pretending to look innocent, even as a smirk shuffled its way onto my face. 

“Ah, there you are, Kersti!” I heard Lily say, gesturing for me to come over from her spot standing with James. She was waving the latest rendition of  _ The Daily Prophet  _ at me. “You won’t believe today’s front cover.”

I tore my gaze away from Sirius, who put a hand on either of my shoulders and guided me over to Lily, as if I didn’t know how to walk without his assistance. I swatted his hands off me, flashing him a look, which only made him wiggle his eyebrows at me, followed by that wink of his. I rolled my eyes and turned to Lily. 

“Let’s have a look,” I said, and she handed me the newspaper. Remus was reading his own copy, frowning intensely and hiding his face behind it. I gave the front cover article a scan, which detailed yet another Muggle family that had been missing, but which had now been found, albeit the family members’ bodies were now butchered into multiple scattered pieces. I cringed and felt queasy. It could have just as easily been my family or Lily’s, and I was starting to fear that perhaps even my family might be at risk, as the amount of Muggle, Muggleborn, and Halfblood murders and disappearances were increasing this year. I handed the paper back to Lily, who was looking shaken up, like me, and James had a comforting arm around her shoulders. 

“It’s terrible,” she said, folding the newspaper up and sticking it in her bag. “Do we know if anyone at Hogwarts has been affected yet by the murders and disappearances?”

“Dunno. I’m about the worst person to ask, seeing as I’m not a social butterfly,” I said, shaking my head. I watched Remus as he folded up his own newspaper, looking quite aggrieved by his reading. There was a lot of prejudice against werewolves in the wizarding world, just as there was against Muggleborns like me, as some witches and wizards like Avery’s sort who espoused blood purism views believed them to be ravenous, murdering brutes who should never be allowed to live amongst “normal” wizardkind, let alone pursue a wizarding education. He frowned and pinched the bridge of his nose. I felt terrible for him, knowing how hard surviving each month’s full moon must be, let alone the prospect of going to school with peers who considered him to be inferior because of a curse that wasn’t his fault. I could empathize with his situation, although I was much luckier, as Seers were valued by witches and wizards everywhere, and my kind wasn’t considered to be “defective.” The very real downside was that my kind was highly sought-after, to the point where we were at risk of being hunted, imprisoned and tortured, as those who could control us might be able to control the future. 

Slughorn arrived just then, thankfully drawing Lily and I away from our macabre conversation topic, and the Marauders, Lily and I filed into the classroom after the other students. I got my cauldron and other things set up at a desk and then sat down in my seat, and I was soon joined by Tess who predictably wanted to bum notes and advice off me, given that I was much better at Potions than she was, while Emily and Lia took the desk in front of us. 

“Ah, my dear Lily, I see that you are lacking your usual partner, McKinnon,” Slughorn said when he passed by Lily sitting by herself at a desk not far from me and Tess. 

“Yes, she’s ill right now, sir.” 

“Why don’t you go sit with. . .” Slughorn paused to look around the room, and his eyes landed on another prized Slug Club member, Snape, sitting across the room with Avery and Mulciber, also by himself. I saw Lily follow his gaze and she frowned, eyebrows furrowing in displeasure. If I were her, I surely wouldn’t want to be paired for class with a former best friend who’d called me a derogatory term because of my heritage, as she’d told me. 

“Lily can sit with me,” I said, interrupting Slughorn’s train of thought. He turned to look at me and I saw Lily melt with relief at not being paired with Snape. 

“Yes, why don’t you work with Miss. . .?” 

“Ridgelow, Professor.” 

“Ah, yes, Miss Ridgeline,” he said, and Lily quickly got up from her spot and scooted over to sit beside me, sandwiching me in between her and Tess. 

Lily flashed me an appreciative look, while Snape glowered at me from across the room, making me feel none of the empathy that I had felt for him in Hogsmeade. “Thank you so much, Kersti, I don’t think that I could’ve stood to be paired with Severus this class,” she said, reorganizing her things on her corner of the desk. 

“Think nothing of it, Lily. I couldn’t very well let you go with Snape.” 

She smiled kindly at me, and was going to say something, when Slughorn reached the front of the class and decided to begin the lesson then. “Alright, students. Today in accordance with the curriculum for the NEWT-level Potions class, we will be brewing Amortentia, known to many of you as the most powerful love potion in existence.” 

Lily and I looked at each other and groaned, while the rest of the class began whispering and sniggering. I rested my forehead on the desktop in exasperation. “As if my day couldn’t get any worse!” I bemoaned to Lily. 

“Won’t we all smell whatever we find most attractive in the potion?” Tess asked, leaning back in her seat as she watched the class around her working itself into a tizzy. 

“That’s easy for you to say, all you’ll smell are broomsticks and broom polish,” I groused, making a face at her. 

Tess’s eyebrows shot up. “So that begs the question; what will you smell, Kersti?” she said, smirking at me. I swallowed nervously. 

“Well, we won’t know until we finish brewing it,” Lily said hurriedly. 

“Please pair up and do follow the instructions from your textbooks carefully, or there may be quite explosive consequences, and I would hate to see any of you singe your eyebrows off. I will be at your disposal to answer any questions, pressing or otherwise,” Slughorn said over the excited whispering, releasing the onslaught of students who headed off to gather the necessary supplies. Lily got up to gather the ingredients for the three of us, while Tess sat scratching her head at the instructions and I looked around the class anxiously. James and Sirius were occupying a desk at the back of the room, having sent Remus to gather the ingredients since Peter was still in the Hospital wing, and the two of them had their heads together, whispering. I couldn’t hear them over the noise in the classroom, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to hear what they were talking about anyway. 

Lily returned shortly after and the pair of us got to work, and Tess took the opportunity to slack off and leave the advanced potion brewing to the experts. Only, she thought that we needed her commentary for some reason, which was most distracting. 

“So,” she said, looking from Lily to me as we went about powdering the pearls with our mortars and pestles, “everyone knows that you and Potter are dating now, Evans. I’m assuming you’ll smell him in the love potion.”

Lily frowned and gripped her pestle harder. “It isn’t limited to romantic interest. It could be any number of things that one finds attractive.” 

Tess chuckled. “But of all the things you find attractive, one of them must be Potter? I wonder what you’d even smell to know it was him. Sweaty quidditch robes? Broom wood?” 

I shot Tess an icy look as Lily became increasingly uncomfortable with the topic of conversation. I knew that she was a private person and didn’t enjoy having an outsider like Tess commenting on her very new relationship. “Knock it off, Tess. Go bug someone else if you won’t be helping us with the potions.” 

Tess grinned at me. “I reckon you’ll smell Sirius Black in your potion, Kersti.” 

I gritted my teeth. “D’you have to say that so goddamn loudly?” 

“Everyone knows it already, ever since Hogsmeade. It’s public knowledge.” 

“Look, you’re just feeling ornery because all you’ll smell in your love potion is your precious broomstick, broom polish, and your own sweaty quidditch robes,” I snapped. 

“Merlin, woman, chill out. It was just a joke, you know I would be teasing Emily about her smelling Riley in her potion if she were at our table. When did you become so goddamn touchy about jokes?” she said, looking at me funny. 

I huffed and turned back to my cauldron. “I didn’t sleep well last night, ’s’all,” I muttered as Lily and I moved onto preparing the rose thorns and peppermint. 

“You sure? Or are you just touchy because I’m joking about a certain tall, dark and handsome Gryffindor king?” 

I decided to ignore her comment, not trusting myself to keep my temper in check, and instead pushed some prepared ingredients her way so she could get a start on her own potion, even if she were falling behind because she had decided to pester Lily and I instead of working. Lily and I worked at a furious pace, crafting our potions to perfection as Lily tried to ignore Snape and James gawking at her, while I willed myself to not look around lest I make eye contact with Avery or Sirius. If Avery’s stares were any indicator, I was sure that he would be smelling me in his love potion. 

“Well done, Miss Evans! A flawless batch of Amortentia! I would expect no less of my top student,” Slughorn said as he made the rounds at the end of class, checking on all the finished products in our cauldrons. He leaned over to look at mine. “And yours is impeccable as well, Miss Ridgeline.” 

“It’s Ridgelow,” I said. “Sir,” I added for good measure at the end. 

“Ah, yes, Miss Ridgelow. Miss Evans’ and your potion are the best batches of Amortentia brewed by students that I have seen to date, fabulous work! 10 points to Gryffindor, and 10 points to. . . ,” he looked quickly at my robes, “To Ravenclaw.” Lily and I smiled and shared a discreet high five when he had moved off from our table. “Please take a moment to smell your potions, for those of you who brewed them correctly, and for those who didn’t please smell the closest one to you that was. Your observations of the potion’s smell and correct colour should be included in your essays due on Thursday, which should be no shorter than three feet,” Slughorn continued as he moved through the class. 

Lily leaned forward and took a deep inhalation of her potion, and considered what she was smelling for a moment, before she bit her lip and flushed a pink colour. I really dreaded smelling my potion, but a bigger part of me was too curious to not take a whiff, and so I leaned over my own and let the scents wash over me. I was immediately struck by its potency, which was no doubt due to my animagus sense of smell. The first scent to hit me was that of the inside pages of a book, quickly followed by the smell of musty leaves and vegetation which I recognized as the smell of the Forbidden Forest that washed over me every time I prowled the woods at night. Those smells faded into the background as the next ones burst onto the forefront; one was the smell of the smoke from a joint, and the other two, I noted with a sinking heart, were cigarette smoke and the smell of dog. Fuck. I knew whom I had just caught a whiff of through my cauldron, and judging from Lily’s reaction she too had smelt one of the Marauders, although of course not the same one as me. 

Meanwhile, Tess was raving about how she had smelt her broom, broom polish, and the smell of the dew-covered quidditch pitch in the morning. Lily and I shared a look and started packing up our things, and made to leave as the rest of the class started getting out of the seats. Thankfully Tess was occupied with teasing Emily now about her Gryffindor boyfriend, much to the amusement of Lia, as Lily and I speed-walked past the Marauders and out of the class. 

“Did you smell Potter?” I said to her in hushed tones as we fell into step together. 

“Yes. Did you smell Black?” 

I didn’t have a chance to answer her question because I heard James calling out to her as he jogged to catch up to us, the Marauders in tow. Lily and I turned to face him, and my gaze naturally fell on Sirius who was walking casually behind his friend, hands in his pockets and looking as fuckable as ever. I swallowed with some difficulty as I saw his gaze resting on me as he drew nearer. Remus was following at a safe distance, looking intensely between Lily and James. 

“Lily. Shall we walk to our next class together?” James said, standing in front of her and smiling from ear to ear. There was no question of whether he had smelt Lily’s perfume wafting from the love potion. Did Amortentia have the power to make everyone around loopy with desire? Lily smiled up at him and they linked hands, causing my eyes to widen and my eyebrows to shoot up. 

Sirius sidled up to me and threw an arm around my shoulders casually. “Care to tell me what your potion smelt like, love?” he asked, leaning down to speak quietly in my ear. 

I looked up to meet his grey eyes, the touch and weight of his arm on my shoulders making my stomach drop and my skin tingle. “No,” I retorted. 

He raised an eyebrow and smirked. “You can tell me, I won’t laugh at you, love. I already know that you smelt me in your potion.” 

“No way in hell, you old geezer. You’d have to brew Veritaserum to get that truth out of me.”

“Is that a challenge?” 

Remus cleared his throat particularly loudly, looking between Sirius and I, and James and Lily, clearly unimpressed at watching his two friends flirting right in front of him. “We’ll all be late if we keep this up, Prongs and Padfoot.” 

“Alright, alright, we’re on our way,” James said as he and Lily led the way to their next class, hands still intertwined, with Remus following after them, but not before he shot Sirius a stern look. Figures that every friend group had a group mum, and Remus seemed to be a large part in keeping Sirius and James at least somewhat in check. 

“Fuck, I need a smoke break,” I muttered to Sirius as we fell in line behind Remus, Sirius’s arm now safely by his own side and not driving me to distraction by being around my shoulders. 

“Why don’t we fall back farther down the corridor then, love? I could use a cigarette too,” he whispered in my ear, causing me to shiver. 

I flashed him a grin in response. It was true that I really needed a joint, because I was feeling stressed from Potions class with the Amortentia and from reading the Daily Prophet before class, not to mention the lingering distress from the dream that I’d had in the night. With such stressors, I didn’t want to risk potentially having a vision, not when I could so easily smoke a joint or two and dull my Seer abilities to the point where they were too sluggish to stir and overtake me with some depressing glimpse of the future. Smoking weed always helped me relax and keep the visions at bay, and maybe it would also help me chill the fuck out and not get so affected by Sirius flirting with me. As it stood, I didn’t like how my body was going haywire under his attention and gaze. 

As the six of us went up a flight of stairs and walked past the Great Hall on our way to the magical staircases, Sirius and I dropped back and ducked out a door, giggling as we ran down the stairs and out into the courtyard, choosing to lean against the outside of the courtyard wall. We were sufficiently hidden from everyone’s view this way, as you’d have to be able to see through the stone wall to view us standing together, breathing hard from our running, grins plastered on our faces. 

“God, I have no wind, if you want to know the truth,” I got out between my panting.

Sirius laughed at my laboured breathing as he got out his pack of cigarettes. “And you’re calling me the old geezer! Didn’t you accuse me of not making it up the hill at a run in Hogsmeade?” 

I laughed. “Okay, okay, I take that back.” 

I withdrew a joint from my pocket and Sirius leaned in to me to light the end with his wand, and then leaned back to light his cigarette. I took my first drag, staring at him as he held the cigarette to his mouth, his gaze fixed on the Forbidden Forest and Hogwarts grounds as he exhaled the smoke. Fuck. I wanted him to lean in close to me like he had just now, but I had too much pride to put my joint out intentionally in a plea to get him to invade my space again. Or, I had too much pride at the moment. I don’t know what had changed, but today I wasn’t giving a single flying fuck about being subtle and not being desperate, because I was letting myself stare boldly at him as I smoked the joint as quickly as I could in an attempt to get the weed into my system as fast as possible. I took a moment to admire his ridiculously handsome profile, with his long hair that I wanted to bury my hands in and that pair of very kissable lips. Fuck. Sirius was indeed the most handsome and fuckable guy I’d ever seen. 

“You know, I seem to be smoking more when I’m around you, love,” he said, turning to meet my relentless gaze. 

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh, really? Is that because you need a distraction from my litter box scent, as you say?” 

He smirked, those grey eyes just as fixated on me as I was on them. “Oh, no, it’s because of the clarity that it brings so that I can admire your sexiness.” 

I snorted and laughed, pausing to hit my dwindling joint. “Lay it on thicker, why don’t you.”

“You know what else I can lay on?” he said, deliberately leaning into my space. “It’d be my  _ pleasure _ to tell you all about what I’d lay on you and your body.” 

I waved my free hand as I took a final drag, and then threw the butt on the ground. “I can imagine, you sly dog. No need to spell it out for me,” I said, mirroring his actions and looking out at the forest, withdrawing another joint. 

But it was too late. The problem was that I couldn’t help but start thinking about how I wanted Sirius to lay me down with his body covering and fitting into mine. I wanted to feel his solid weight on top of me, pressing me down into the bed, and I wanted his hands all over my body. I quickly took a few more drags, but that did nothing to halt the onslaught of dirty thoughts that were now racing around my head. God, I wanted nothing more than to feel his fingers peeling my clothes off to explore my body, his hands grasping my thighs as I ground into him desperately. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him finish his cigarette and start another one, and I turned to stare at him once more.

Fuck. How could Sirius look so hot? How could someone be born with such good looks? My gaze took in the curve of his jaw, the outline of his nose, all so perfect, before flicking down to his beautiful lips. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. He turned his head to look at me, a satisfied smirk on his face when he realized that I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him. I stared at his grey eyes, so beautiful and expressive, as he took a slow drag from his second cigarette and then exhaled the smoke. Fuck. I couldn’t take this waiting anymore. Before I could think twice, I stepped away from my leaning position on the wall and into his space, looking up at him for a split second to meet his gaze before my eyes focussed in on his kissable lips, and then I leaned in, head tilted up, and pressed my lips to his. 

His lips were so soft, just as I’d imagined them being, so perfect for kissing with their fullness. I could feel the hint of a smirk shaping his mouth, and the bastard was no doubt amused that I had been the one to make the first move after our long, agonizing month of flirting back and forth. He began to return my kiss and excited tingles wracked my body as his mouth moved against mine. I could become addicted to the feeling of his lips locked with mine, to the rush of electricity that was coursing through my body as our lips touched. 

Our lips still locked, I reached a hand up to bury my fingers in his hair, anchoring his mouth to mine. I heard him chuckle, and then he retaliated and snaked a hand around my waist and pulled me flush against his body. Fuck, why had I waited so long to finally kiss Sirius? I’d been missing out on a hell of a good time for no good reason. 

He began to kiss me with more fervour, and a low groan involuntarily escaped me when he swept his tongue into my mouth to tangle with mine. Fuck, I was a goner. My joint fell from my fingers and I plunged my other hand into his dark locks, pushing myself even closer against him. His tongue explored my mouth, our tongues joining and moving against one another as his free hand landed on my hip, his own cigarette forgotten, before sliding down to my ass. I groaned again when he gripped my ass with his hand and I felt his erection against me. 

I broke away from him, my hands falling from his hair. His grey eyes were gazing hungrily at me, mouth wet from my kisses. “Fuck, let’s get out of here, I don’t want to get interrupted,” I said. Sirius grinned at me and my stomach dropped, warmth spreading lower. 

“Let’s go then, love,” he said and we took off, following his lead. Like Saturday night, we made a mad dash through the empty halls, all the students and professors occupied with classes. As we climbed more and more stairs, I realized that he was heading for the Gryffindor tower, and now we would be having that appointment in his four poster bed like he had promised yesterday. We laughed as we ran, Sirius grinning from ear to ear like the certifiable mischief maker that he was. As we drew near to the fat lady portrait, I jumped and hid behind Sirius’s tall form. 

He turned his head to look at me clutching the back of his robes as I hid there. “What are you doing, love?” he said, chuckling. 

“Just say the password and I’ll hide here, or else we’ll be out here forever,” I said. He gave me a last look, grey eyes twinkling in amusement, before turning back to the fat lady and charming his way right by her. Once we were safely in the empty Gryffindor Common Room, we headed off to the stairs that went up to the boys’ dormitory. Sirius quickly waved his wand, presumably to counteract the infamous stairs-turned-slide spell, and then we leapt up the stairs, laughing. Sirius led me through the door of his dormitory that he most likely shared with the other Marauders, shutting the door behind me, and then all of the sudden he was there, looking down at me before capturing my lips once more in a hungry kiss, his tongue sliding straight into my waiting mouth. I kissed him back furiously. I couldn’t get enough of the feeling of his mouth on mine, his tongue in my mouth, his hands pulling me close. 

“Shit,” I cursed into our kiss, my hands falling to his robes and tearing at them frantically. His mouth rumbled with a chuckle as he slid his outer robes off, letting them fall to the ground. He loosened his tie as I wrestled with the buttons of his shirt, noting that the top three were open as usual. Good. Less work for me. He was walking backwards, taking me with him as my mouth stayed pressed against his, and along the way I somehow managed to kick off my shoes and so did he. We broke apart briefly for us to slip our ties over our heads, chucking them somewhere behind us. I took a moment to stare at him as he unbuttoned the remainder of his shirt and slid it from his shoulders, his eyes never leaving mine. Merlin, help me. I took in his pale form, lean and muscular. I started to struggle with my own shirt, and he stepped back over to me to help, those grey eyes staring down at me as his hands made quick work of the pesky buttons. Finally, I let the shirt fall from my shoulders and he took a moment to admire my breasts, carefully contained in a simple black bra, my chest rising and falling with every shaky breath I took. 

I grabbed his lips again in a hot and needy kiss, and he spun me around and walked me backwards, pushing me gently back and down onto his bed, and then covering my body with his. I moved my mouth determinedly against his, drawing his tongue back into my mouth, nothing innocent about how I raised my legs to wrap them around his waist as he settled his hips in between mine, his bulge pressing against my leg. His smell overwhelmed me, just as it had wafting from the cauldron: muskiness, cigarette smoke, the faintest hint of dog in only a way that he could make so appealing. Sirius reached a hand behind my back and made quick work of my bra closure, pulling the straps down and then tossing the material off me to some far corner of the room. My hands dived back into his long hair, twining my hands in it to hold his mouth against mine. I gasped into his mouth as he slid a hand up to palm a breast, answering it with his own low chuckle. He pulled back slightly to look at me, my cheeks flushed under his touch, my mouth swollen, before he leaned back down to kiss me once more. 

This time, I felt his mouth migrating from mine, dipping to kiss my jaw and neck, trailing kisses along the pulse that beat erratically in my throat. “Fuck, love, you smell so good,” he whispered in my ear. Coming from anyone else, I might’ve laughed, but all I could do was moan in response and throw my head back, giving him easier access to my throat. He busied himself with trailing his mouth down my throat and along my collarbones, before he reached my breasts. I moaned when he took a pink nipple in his mouth, his hand reaching up to cup the round weight of my other breast. But I was getting impatient with his teasing, and so I sat up to unbuckle his belt and undo his fly. Sirius leaned back to rid himself of his remaining clothing and then his hands were on my waist, caressing down to hook his fingers in the waistband of my skirt, pulling it and my tights and panties down in one fell swoop. 

I stared at him as he settled down, positioning himself farther down the bed with a thigh in each of his hands. I shuddered in anticipation as I met his grey eyes, his head in between my legs. My skin burning in desire, he dragged a lazy finger along my slit and dipped the tip inside my cunt to gather my wetness, before lightly rubbing my clit. His mouth curled upwards in the barest hint of a smirk before he settled his mouth against me, grey eyes never leaving mine. I threw my head back, moaning. I was writhing under him as he played with my clit and hole with his tongue, slowly teasing my dripping entrance with a finger before slipping inside. I dived my hands down to grip his hair yet again as he concentrated on my clit with his tongue, sinking a second finger inside me and twisting to loosen me up. I was moaning incoherently, eyes closed as I let the sensation of Sirius eating me out wash over my whole body. I could feel him add a third finger as he sped up, sucking and licking my clit at a furious pace while his fingers worked inside of me. Fuck, I wasn’t going to last if he kept this up. I tugged on his hair to bring him away from my cunt, and I looked down to meet his eyes, moaning at the sight of him wiping his wet lips with the back of his hand. 

“Fuck, I don’t want to cum right away,” I got out between short breaths. His answer was his signature smirk, because of course he would know how good he was in bed. Emily’s words of his sexual prowess briefly echoed in my head before I made a move to reach for his cock, but he stayed my hand. 

“I don’t need it, I’d much rather be inside you,” he said, staring at my flushed cheeks and wild hair. I let out a shaky breath before he kissed me once more and then leaned back, gesturing for me to flip over. Fuck, I needed him inside me soon or else I was going to explode. 

I got on my hands and knees before him, my legs clenched together in anticipation. I craned my neck backwards to watch him as he knelt behind me, taking some of my wetness to slick along his erection, a steadying hand on my hip. I shifted my legs apart to give him access, quivering with desire, as he guided himself so that he was just barely inside me. He laid the other hand on my other hip, holding me still. 

“Ooooohhhhh, fuuuuuccckkkkkkkk,” I moaned, feeling him sinking all the way into me, so smoothly because of how wet I was. I moaned again when I felt him sheath his cock fully inside me, my walls stretched tight around him. I clenched my walls experimentally, the fullness of being penetrated radiating warm pleasure throughout my pelvis. God, why had I waited so long to get laid since summer break? I could’ve been enjoying fucking Sirius earlier and I could’ve been releasing my sexual tension sooner. 

“Fuck,” I heard him curse as I tightened my vaginal muscles around him. He withdrew before thrusting back in, a strangled groan emitting from me. “Tell me if it hurts you, love,” he said in between thrusts, his tempo measured and in check. 

“Faster,” I breathed, the feeling of him inside me too good to go slowly. He obliged and I felt my body turning to jelly under his thrusts, both of us becoming messes as he picked up his pace. I tried to reach a hand down to rub my clit, but suddenly I had a better idea. I pulled away and faced him, much to his surprise. 

I flashed him a devilish smile. “My turn,” I said and pushed him authoritatively onto his back. He grinned up at me. I quickly crawled onto his body and straddled my hips on either side of his, taking his cock and rubbing the head and shaft against my cunt to coat it with my wetness, lingering there. 

“Fuck,” Sirius cursed again, his hips jerking up involuntarily at my teasing, making me smirk. I felt powerful under his unwavering gaze as I moved to position him at my entrance, withdrawing my hand and slowly sinking down onto him. I let out a long moan when I had worked all of him inside me once again, staring down at him as he lay underneath me. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight, love. So wet,” he got out between moans, and I took that as my cue to start moving on him, my breasts bouncing with the movement. I leaned back, giving him an eyeful as he watched me ride him, one of his hands holding onto a breast, the other gripping my ass. Just then, I switched tactics, moving forwards and backwards instead of up and down, and I gasped from the change in sensation. I lowered a hand to my clit and began rubbing at frantic pace, my moans becoming higher pitched. All at once, I felt like I was on the top of the wave of my orgasm. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” I panted. 

Sirius looked up at me, admiring me riding him to a climax. “Cum for me, love.” 

I threw my head back and continued my frantic movements, and then my eyes fell closed as my orgasm overtook me, wrenching a long moan from my throat. I kept moving on him as I crested my orgasm and then came back down, lowering my head to watch him under me, smirking like a devil at his strained expression as he chased down his own climax. 

“Fuuucckkkk,” he groaned, eyes falling closed as he came inside me, his hips jerking up as I maintained my thrusting through his orgasm. 

Eventually, we stilled and I leaned down to rest my forehead on his chest as it rose and fell, first quickly and then slowing, my own breaths no longer coming in erratic gasps and pants. Despite me being a frequent weed smoker, there was still nothing quite like sex that could reduce my brain to a pile of mush with a powerful orgasm, especially when it was sex with a guy who’d been teasing and flirting with me for over a month now. Not to mention that it was an amazing feeling to look down at the guy whom I was fucking, to find that he was the most ridiculously good looking man I’d ever laid eyes on. Goddamn, I wished that I’d fucked Sirius sooner, and perhaps I could now understand how girls who’d slept with him before had elevated him to the status of a god. Perhaps. 

I rolled off Sirius and headed off to the adjoining bathroom, taking a minute in privacy to pee and tidy myself up and wash my hands. I looked at myself in the mirror. My cheeks and neck were flushed a pretty pink hue, my red waves wild and cascading down my shoulders, my mouth wet from our kisses. I couldn’t remember the last time when I had felt this good. I felt positive and happy, all moroseness from the dream that I’d had last night vanished. Jesus Christ, if this extreme attitude change would become a regular occurrence after sex, then I think for mine and everyone else’s sake, I should definitely get laid more often. I didn’t want to admit that Emily had been right, but I could appreciate how sex put me in a much better mood. Maybe I had been so grumpy before because I had in fact been sexually frustrated? 

I opened the bathroom door and took a look around the dormitory. It was of course done in the Gryffindor colours, with four beds around the circular room and a few windows in the wall that looked down at the grounds from the great height of the tower. My eyes landed on Sirius in his bed, still naked and sitting up against the headboard, smoking a cigarette. I chuckled, walking back over to him. 

“Fancy lending me a smoke?” I asked. 

He grinned, giving me an appreciative once-over, seeing as I was standing there naked. “Knock yourself out, love,” he said, extending his current pack to me. I withdrew one and stuck the end in my mouth, and Sirius shifted over on the bed to make room for me to sit next to him, our shoulders touching as we leaned against the headboard. I lit the end wandlessly and then the both of us sat there, taking a moment to puff on the cigarettes, the smoke swirling up away from our heads. 

“I should start charging you for using up so many of my cigarettes,” Sirius said, chuckling and looking quite pleased with himself now that he had successfully gotten into my pants. 

I smirked. “I could repay you in other ways.” 

He let out a short bark of laughter, walking his fingers along my calf and up my exposed thigh. “I could certainly get used to that, love.” 

“That’s not a fair deal for me though, because who’s to say that your old-man heart won’t stop beating during sex one of these days?”

Sirius’s mouth dropped open in shock. “I am not an old man! If you’ve forgotten already that the sex we just had was not that of some old wanker, then I’d be happy to give you a very youthful round two,” he said and grabbed me, sinking his fingers into my sides and tickling me. 

I raised my hands to swat him away, laughing my head off. “Alright, I surrender!” He leaned back to sit up again, flashing me that grin of his, and we hit our cigarettes a couple more times. I had still somehow managed to keep my Muggle wrist watch on through our steamy encounter, and I gave it a cursory glance. “Shit, I should get going,” I said, quickly finishing the cigarette and then getting up to hunt for my clothes that were scattered around Sirius’s bed, while he stayed on his bed, finishing his smoke and admiring me walking around his dormitory room butt-ass naked. I managed to pull on all my robes, straightening them to their original presentable state, and then cracking one of the windows open a smidge to chuck my cigarette butt out. I turned back around to face Sirius, picking up his trousers on my way over to his bed. He raised an eyebrow and smirked at me standing there, holding his pants. I tossed the pants to him and he caught them, shifting to sit on the edge of his bed as he began to put them on. I cast  _ scourgify _ over the both of us and then headed for the door. 

“See you in class, old man,” I said as I reached the door, turning around to flash him a shit-eating grin and to blow him a saucy kiss. 

“Fuck you,” he said, laughing and grinning widely at me. I laughed as I slipped through the door and headed down the stairs, which clearly weren’t triggered to become a slide if the girl had already successfully gotten to the top of the boys’ staircase. I bounded down the stairs and jigged through the Common Room, practically skipping with joy down to my next class, remembering to cast a contraceptive spell on myself. Jesus fucking Christ, I needed to get laid regularly if it would improved my attitude and mood this much. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to any of y’all who got The Catcher in the Rye reference. It’s my favourite book :) And for any of you who might be wondering, Kersti and Sirius’s story is far from being over; in fact, this is just the beginning ;)


	14. Blood purism on the rise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Kersti and Lily are talking about Ancient Runes, I decided to throw in some grammatical terms from all my university language courses, since there wasn’t a whole lot of info on what students actually studied in Ancient Runes classes at Hogwarts. Also, I know that Peter’s blood status is not specifically known, but for the purposes of this fanfic, I made him a pure blood wizard. In addition, I of course had to make up the DADA professor. 

My next class was Ancient Runes with Lily, and I found myself positively skipping down the stairs, bouncy and light-footed from finally ending my sexual tension and from the ensuing orgasm that had rippled through me. When I showed up outside the classroom on one of the higher floors, I was slightly early, so I began a last-minute refresher before the test. It was just the standard procedure of making sure that I had all my ducks in a row and that I hadn’t forgotten anything, but Ancient Runes was in fact one of my favourite classes, and so I immersed myself in the studying. I tried not to grin to myself like a buffoon, and I was successful for the most part, but I kept smiling privately when I thought about how I’d gone and slept with Sirius just now, and I had a feeling that doing so would yank my life in a whole new, unforeseen direction. I couldn’t tell if I knew that because it was my power of Sight, or because I could deduce that from the trouble that Sirius had already gotten me into this year and how he’d already shaken my seventh year upside-down. 

“What are you smiling about? I know it’s not Ancient Runes, because not even I smile when doing our translations.” I looked up and Lily had drawn near to me as I was leaning against the wall. 

I clapped the book closed. “Lily! So nice to see you! How was . . . ?”

She raised an eyebrow at me. “Muggle studies? It was fine. Are you guilty of something? Because you’re acting more  _ cheery _ than you usually do.”

I laughed. “Nope! Nothing’s wrong with me, I’m just feeling like I’m in a bloody BRILLIANT mood today, my dear Lily Evans,” I said, giddy with dopamine after my encounter with Sirius. 

She leaned in close to examine my face. “What in Merlin’s name has gotten into you today? You were fine before Potions . . .”

I laughed again, smiling broadly. “No, sorry, nothing out of the ordinary. I’m just feeling quite refreshed and positive now.”

Lily was still scrutinizing me. “Uh, huh,” she said, unconvinced. “Well, there’s nothing ordinary about how you’re behaving, so I’ll just chalk it up to a shift in the weather and hope that you’re not coming to classes high.” 

I shook my head. “No, not high right now. Seriously, Lily, I’m not allowed to be in a pleasant mood of my own accord for once?” Although I probably was slightly high from the joints I’d smoked, and I was definitely high on my orgasm and on fucking Sirius. 

She shook her head, smiling at me. “Alright, sorry, that was a bit mum-like of me. I’ll try to stop doing that. Of course I’m happy that you’re feeling in a good mood today. Did you get more sleep than usual?” 

“I appreciate that you’re keeping an eye out for me, Lily, and no I did not get more sleep than usual last night. Seems my mood is merely a fluke.” 

She laughed at that. “Well, if you so insist, although I have my doubts.” Her face got serious all of the sudden. “What we were talking about after Potions, I smelt James in my cauldron. Did you smell Black?” 

I snorted, remembering how I’d just gotten a very  _ intimate  _ series of whiffs of his smell, and how he’d gotten  _ personally acquainted _ with my scent. “Er . . . yes, I did smell two things that were from him, but the rest was unrelated.”

Lily frowned to herself. “Me too. I only smelt James’s soap, I think, or whatever it is that he washes his . . . hair with,” she muttered. 

I giggled. “Boys, huh? More trouble than they’re worth, yeah?” 

Lily smiled and then sighed and rubbed at an eye. “Merlin, I hope that he smelt something good of mine in his cauldron,” she said, beginning to blush. 

I shrugged. “You could ask him?” 

Lily swatted me lightly with her Ancient Runes textbook. “No way! I have too much pride to do that!” she said and we fell into laughter as the professor let us in for the start of the class. 

The test in Ancient Runes was easy, and Lily and I whipped through the it and then scurried out the door early, as the professor had said that we could leave class whenever we had finished our tests.

“Piece of cake, right, Lily?” I asked her, grinning. 

She high-fived me. “You know it! I aced that. Merlin, I got myself all worked up for nothing last night,” she said as we started to walk to Defence Against the Dark Arts. My stomach started doing jumping jacks when I realized that Sirius was also in this class, and unfortunately Avery was too. Oh, well. I felt oddly prepared to deal with any bullshit that Avery might fling my way because of my positive mood. Lily and I continued to chat about our Ancient Runes class and what we would be studying next, as we had both read ahead and more-or-less learnt the upcoming material already, until we turned a final corner and arrived outside the classroom. We were the first ones there, and we ended up working on a basic translation for a text that we would encounter in the next Ancient Runes lesson. 

“So, wait . . . what is this one doing here? It’s in the accusative case, but what in Merlin’s name is it doing in the sentence?” Lily asked as we pored over her textbook. 

“Well, that one goes with the verb, since it takes the accusative case, but this rune here is in the predicate position.” 

Lily’s mouth dropped open and I could almost see the light bulb going off above her head. “Oh, right! Of course! I remember. But with this rune, it’s a post-positive preposition, and-”

There was a very loud cough right in front of us, and our heads both jerked up. James was standing in front of us, looking at Lily and trying to ignore my presence that was marring his viewing of his “beautiful Lilykins.” He seemed to be even more abuzz with energy ever since Lily had accepted his offer to be his girlfriend, if that were even possible. To be frank, he was starting to look like a coke user with his constant energy and leaping about. “Lily.” He offered her a face-splitting grin. “Grindylow,” he coughed, narrowing his eyes at me. 

I shrugged. “Wouldn’t want to be caught dead with you anyway, Rotter,” I said and made to walk away, when I saw Sirius standing beside James and he grasped me by the shoulders as I tried to walk away. 

“No, no, that won’t do, love. Can’t have you leaving when I just got here,” he said, looking down at me and winking. 

I looked away from him to see Remus now standing with James and Sirius, sans the diarrhea- and stomach ache-afflicted, chocolate-loving Peter. I turned to look at Lily who seemed surprisingly okay with being bombarded by James’s friends.

“Best to wait til they go away, since we can never get them to get lost,” Lily said to me, smiling and shrugging. 

I sighed and smiled at Sirius, brushing his hands off me. “No need to get so handsy there.” 

Sirius shrugged and passed a hand through his hair. “Guess I just can’t help myself.” He threw in another wink for good measure. 

Remus conveniently descended into a ferocious coughing fit, looking between Sirius and I pointedly. James was so preoccupied with Lily that I was confident that he hadn’t noticed Sirius and I slipping off to have a smoke break earlier, and our ensuing  _ lengthy _ absence; however, I reckoned that Remus had most definitely noticed and that he had already put two and two together with our incessant flirting. Without having said anything, Remus most likely had figured out that Sirius and I had run off to fuck eachother, instead of going to classes like a pair of good students. But I didn’t particularly care, as it wasn’t like he had walked in on us or anything (Merlin forbid), and I had had too much of a good time banging Sirius to care about the consequences. It wasn’t like I had told anyone that I was a Seer. People finding out in the future about me and Sirius fucking was small potatoes indeed compared to exposing myself as a Seer. I felt bad for Remus, as it must be quite annoying and uncomfortable for him to watch both his friends flirting with their  _ lady friends _ while he was right there, while he was not getting any action. Or, none that I could see. 

I was distracted from Sirius and Remus when I saw Tess and Lia join the increasing number of seventh years gathered outside waiting for the class. With her sharp quidditch eyes, Tess noticed me behind Sirius and ground to a halt, making Lia collide with her and drop her books. 

“Shit! I’m sorry, Lia,” Tess said, helping her gather up the books. “Must’ve gotten distracted,” she said. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Lia said. She looked up and saw me watching her and Tess from my spot with Lily and the Marauders, and her eyebrows shot up. I leaned to the side, past Sirius who was mostly obscuring me from view, to wave at them, not giving a shit today about what they might think about me being swamped by attention from the Marauders. 

“Hey, you two,” I said, giving them a toothy smile, amazed at my own dramatic shift in mood, brought on by finally getting laid for the first time since summer break. 

Lia and Tess exchanged a look, and then walked over to me cautiously. Sirius and Remus made room for them, Remus offering them a smile by way of greeting, while Sirius passed a quick look over them before fixing me with a look, a smirk playing on his lips. 

“Where’s Em?” I asked them, as Tess looked from Sirius to me, while Lia was glancing around the group. 

“I think she’s still walking here with Riley,” Lia said, fixing me with a knowing look as she saw Sirius staring at me. It was a surprise to me too, as I thought that he would be indifferent to me after we had finally had sex, like he was with almost all the girls whom he slept with. But because I was in such a good mood, I wasn’t particularly concerned about it. 

“Well, I guess we were missing quite the party over here, huh?” Emily said as her and Riley joined Tess and Lia. 

“Hello, Rafferty. We’re paired for patrols tonight. If I remember correctly it’s near the Prefects’ bath,” Remus said, turning to Riley. I noticed the glint of the gold prefect’s badge on his Gryffindor robes. Emily took a cursory glance around the group gathered here, wiggling her eyebrows vigorously at Sirius and I standing together, lips curling upwards. 

“Lupin,” Riley said, nodding in greeting to his fellow prefect. “Yes, I do remember. Do you know how the investigation into those loose doxies in the Slytherin Common Room is going?” 

“No leads so far,” Remus said, shaking his head, “although I have some incredibly strong suspicions as to the responsible parties.” With this, he flashed a very pointed look at James, who was too busy with Lily, both of them talking fervently about something, followed by some side eye directed at Sirius. 

Sirius shrugged, hands in his pockets. “I couldn’t possibly know who was responsible. Those poor, poor Slytherins,” he said, smirking. 

“I, for one, hope that Avery was woken up by his extremities being gnawed,” I said, grinning at Sirius. 

“I can almost certainly guarantee that a fair portion of the doxies ended up in his dormitory,” Sirius said, returning my grin. 

“And, pray tell, how would you happen to know that?” Remus said. 

“Just a hunch.” 

“Well, we’ll catch the perpetrators soon, I hope,” Riley said. “Hasn’t Potter been personally spearheading the search for the criminals?” 

Sirius and I snorted with suppressed laughter. “Oh, really?” I said. 

“Yes, although maybe he’s been too busy with other things,” Riley said, nodding at the Head Boy and Girl talking. 

“Can’t imagine he’ll be too effective in his search anyway, seeing as he’d have to turn himself in,” Sirius whispered to me. 

“You could go in his stead,” I whispered back. 

Sirius chuckled. “Do you have any idea how many detentions I’ve had to do this year already? Over my dead body am I voluntarily turning myself in. ” 

“And there’s no way you’ll be found out, because there were no witnesses, were there?” I asked him, raising an eyebrow. 

He scoffed. “Of course not. We’re not some amateur trouble makers,” he said and we grinned at each other. 

“Earth to Kersti. We’re losing your focus here,” Emily said. She and Lia were staring at me as I bantered with Sirius, raising their eyebrows at me. 

I was about to reply with some sort of sharp response when I heard Avery talking loudly in the hallway. I looked in their direction, watching as several older Slytherins in sixth and seventh year hung onto his every word, while Mulciber stood there occasionally interjecting. 

“Bloody disgusting, having their kind of filth in the castle while the rest of us are trying to learn. And that’s why Hufflepuff is also so weak, because they let all manner of brutes into their House. Now, take Slytherin for example. Only the best, and it shows.”

“Any idea what we need to do about all these goddamn mudbloods?” a Slytherin girl in our year asked him. 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Snape drawled arrogantly, narrowing his eyes at her. 

“Clearly we shouldn’t let them into Hogwarts in the first place,” Mulciber said, crossing his arms in a pathetic attempt to look tough. “Slytherin’s on the right track.”

“But that doesn’t matter because Hufflepuff is absolutely full to the brim with them,” Snape said. 

“What about a full-scale purge?” the Slytherin girl asked. 

“That’s exactly what’s needed, Weaver,” Avery said, smiling at her. I felt sick. By now Avery and his lot had been talking loudly enough to attract the attention of quite a few students among those in the corridor, including all of our group. I glanced at Lily and she met my eyes, her face white as a sheet. Remus was clutching his wand by his side so tightly that his knuckles were white, his wand arm shaking. James had turned his attention from Lily and taken several threatening steps towards Avery. 

“Shut the fuck up, Avery,” he growled. Sirius left my side to join James as they confronted Avery, while Lily and I stood watching them, full of anxiety. 

Avery drew his gaze from the Slytherins around him and cast a lazy look at James and Sirius. “Oh, look. If it isn’t Potter to the rescue. Defending your mudblood girlfriend, are you?” 

James’s jaw twitched. I hadn’t seen him this angry since he’d pinned me to the tree in the Forbidden Forest when he’d been being protective of Remus, after I’d found out that he was a werewolf. “Merlin, you are a dumb wanker. Need a reminder of how pathetic you greasy gits are at duelling?” Sirius said, his tone scathing. 

“Say that again, Black,” Snape said, walking forward to confront Sirius and James, and he was quickly joined by Avery and Mulciber, making it a three versus two standoff. 

Avery laid a hand on Snape’s shoulder in a pseudo-calming gesture. “Relax, Severus. What are you going to do about it, Potter? I’m just telling the truth. Everyone knows that Slytherin’s got the right idea about mudblood filth.” 

James pointed his wand at Avery’s face, and Lily rushed forward. “James! Don’t do this, please. They’re just empty words.” 

Avery grinned. “Yeah, listen to Evans, Potter.” His face screwed up with contempt as he looked at Lily, who seemed to me so short and vulnerable in the midst of all the boys towering over her. “Fucking flithy little mudblood,” he spat at her. 

Remus and Riley left their positions by the wall and quickly strode over to James and Sirius, who were just about to fire spells and begin a duel with Avery and his goons. 

“That’s quite enough, Avery,” Riley said, standing between him and Potter. “Do anything more, and I will be doling out punishments.” 

Remus was trying to placate James, who was bristling with rage, and hold back Sirius with a hand at the same time. Remus’s own face was tense, the blood having drained from it. 

Avery scoffed but didn’t seem to consider Riley to be a sufficient hindrance for his designs against James and Sirius. He would have ignored Riley, if it hadn’t been for our Defence professor, Evie Darkmore, arriving at the scene, her thick velvet robes of midnight blue swishing behind her. 

“Boys, you know the consequences of duelling. I should think that all of you would consider such repercussions before acting so rashly,” she said, her grey hair done in a neat bun and her lips pursed in disapproval. Remus succeeded in ushering James and Sirius back over to our original spot, Lily following behind. I met her eyes and I saw the same anger, fear and worry on her face that was also plaguing me and Remus. I felt sick with dread when I remembered Avery’s words. How could he and his group really be advocating for the “purging” of Muggleborns and other non-pureblood students? Remus, Lily and I were students just like Avery and the other Slytherins, and we were just as deserving of a place in Hogwarts, the same as the other Muggleborns and Halfbloods in the school. 

“Was he really saying that Muggleborns should be killed?” Lia asked when Sirius, James and Lily had returned. I swallowed thickly and frowned, my jaw clenched. I met Sirius’s eyes, and he gave me a long look, his facial features tight with anger from what had just happened. 

“I don’t know,” Lily said, looking about in as good a shape as I was, which was to say, not that good. We started to file into the class behind Professor Darkmore, the typical chatter replaced by a tense, weighted silence. Lily and I chose to sit together behind Tess and Lia, while Emily and Riley sat in front of them. James gave Lily a long look and squeezed her hand in his for support before he went to sit with Sirius and Remus. As Lily started to get her things out of her bookbag, all I could do was stare down at my hands as they shook in anger. I wanted to leap across the room in my animagus form and maul Avery to death, to inflict the same pain on him that he had said that he wanted to do to all Muggleborns. I hated him, Mulciber, and Snape even more now, if that were possible, and I hoped that one day I could finally sink my claws and canines into Avery and rip him to shreds. 

  
  
  
  
  


My happy mood had vanished, and Lily, Remus, and I were both tense for the rest of the day, despite James and Sirius’s efforts to lighten the mood. The girls tried to cheer me up during dinner, to no avail, and I eventually tired of their efforts and spent the rest of the evening curled up in a dark corner of the Restricted Section of the library, before returning to stash my school books in the dormitory late in the evening. I was so bothered by what had happened that I decided to spend the night in the Forbidden Forest. I had a strong suspicion that I would be struck with a morbid dream that night if I were to spend it in my human form, and so I had crept out of the dormitory and down the many flights of stairs, taking a dose of the Potion for Dreamless Sleep with me. I’d consumed the dose right before I had transformed into my animagus form, and then I’d stalked off into the woods as a tiger, finding a safe, hidden spot and curling up into a ball to sleep. Somehow, the potion helped me fall asleep relatively quickly and I didn’t have any Seer dreams in the night. 

In the morning, I woke up in the forest feeling much better than I had, and set off for the Great Hall, just in time for breakfast. I was nearing the Great Hall and heading past the magical staircases when I was bombarded by none other than the Marauders, who were heading down from the Gryffindor tower to eat their own breakfasts. 

“Well, well, look who it is. Why the fuck do I have to see you this early in the morning, Grindylow?” James said, walking down the last few steps. 

“Piss off. You’re about the worst sight to see this early too,” I snapped. 

“So you’re admitting that you’re ugly?” James said, directing a wily grin at me. 

“Ah, fuck. Messed up that jest, didn’t I?” I said, distracted by the sight of Sirius sauntering down the steps, his hair slightly messier than usual. Peter was scurrying after him, evidently having recovered from the Honeydukes’ chocolate incident, while Remus was remarkably able to read while going down the stairs. Hopefully he wouldn’t do a faceplant. Sirius’s eyes lit up when he saw me. 

“Some of us are just too perfect, we never make mistakes,” James said, making a silly face, which made me laugh. His jesting with me this morning didn’t seem to be coming from his usual place of anger at me. 

“There’s the hellcat,” Sirius said to me, grinning. “Did you remember to cough up a furball before breakfast this morning? You know how they cause indigestion.” 

I elbowed him in the side. “Been looking for rubbish to roll around in?”

“Padfoot’s always doing that, Grindylow. That’s why he positively reeks,” James said. 

“Shut up, I most certainly do not,” Sirius said. 

“Isn’t that where you got your fleas from? The rubbish heaps?” Remus said, looking up from his book. 

“Oh, yes, just lovely! It’s pick-on-Padfoot day, isn’t it?” Sirius said, throwing his hands up in exasperation. I chuckled. “At least I don’t eat grass. You’re not very scary, Prongs. All you can do is go around head butting blokes with your antlers.”

“Fuck off!” James laughed, making a swipe for Sirius who jumped out of the way and hid behind Remus. 

“Help! Oh, someone, please, help me!” Sirius said in his best girly voice. “There’s an angry deer after me!” 

“I’m not a deer, Padfoot. I’m a  _ stag _ . We’ve been over this before.” 

“All you damn deer look the same to me,” Sirius said, ducking as James made another swipe at him. Peter and I were on the sidelines, laughing as James tried to get at Sirius from in front of Remus, and then started chasing him in circles around their werewolf friend, who merely rolled his eyes. Remus must be very used to these sorts of antics from all the years that the four of them had been friends. On their third rotation around Remus, Sirius took off away from James, running for the Great Hall, a wild James bounding after him. The three of us who remained followed at a much slower pace, laughing as Sirius and James nearly bowled McGonagall over, who looked none too impressed. 

“No running in the castle, Mr. Potter, Mr. Black,” she scolded them, wiping dust from her robes where the boys had bumped into her. 

They flashed her innocent smiles. “We weren’t running at all, Professor. Just a leisurely stroll, and we happened to bump into you.” 

She gave them a stern look. “Well, nevermind that,” she said, and swept off towards the long staff table. The woman probably needed a healthy dose of coffee before she had the patience to deal with those troublesome tossers. I watched as Sirius and James skipped off to the Gryffindor table, the majority of the girls in the vicinity looking up from their breakfasts to ogle them as they went. I made a move to go to the Ravenclaw table. 

“Why don’t you have breakfast with us this morning, Kersti?” Remus asked, smiling at me. “Lily is joining us and I’ve no doubt that she’ll want you there for moral support.”

I chuckled. “Yes, she does like having another girl around to give her the occasional respite from all you boys,” I said. I looked past Remus to where Sirius and James were tucking into breakfast, and Peter had scurried over to them as well. Lily was sitting next to James, smiling broadly at him as he tucked a decorative leaf from one of the table arrangements behind her ear, making them both laugh. I felt a sudden weird pang, watching them enjoying each other’s company, and I wondered whether I might ever feel that happy with someone else. I had friends, and more so now that I got along with Lily and Sirius, but the intimacy and trust that developed between a couple . . . would I ever experience that? I’d never dated before, merely had summer flings and slept with the odd Muggle boy over the summer holidays, and before I’d slept with Sirius, I’d never fooled around when I was at Hogwarts. Would I ever share my life with anyone? Or was I too ornery, grumpy and had too much emotional baggage to nurture a close bond with someone else? I felt the smile slipping from my face as I thought about how I might very well be left all alone to fend for myself in the wizarding world after Hogwarts was done. I couldn’t see myself staying close friends with Tess, Lia or Emily, as we were mostly friends out of our proximity to one another, what with sharing a dorm. I wasn’t worried about managing my Seer abilities all alone, because I’d done just fine this whole time with that, but I was worried that I’d have no companionship. Would I finally end up going insane from the visions and dreams because I was all alone? 

“Kersti? Kersti, are you alright?” Remus said, looking at me as I stood there staring at the happy Gryffindors, feeling dangerously close to crying from the pain that I was sure that my future would hold. “Kersti.” Remus gripped my shoulder and I looked up into his eyes. I couldn’t bear to see the kind and worried expression there, and so I jerked my gaze away. 

“I’m so sorry about your condition, Remus,” I said quickly and in a faint voice, lest I be overheard. “I don’t remember if I said that to you when I came to see you in the Hospital wing after I fought you, but . . . I just wanted to say that I’m sorry that you have to suffer from such a curse. You of all people don’t deserve such pain, such a burden. But people like me. . .” I trailed off, not caring about how many hints I was dropping to Remus as the sadness of my hopeless future consumed me, gnawing me alive from the inside out. “I deserve it. I’m so nasty, I’m mean and cruel, I deserve this. I deserve it.” 

Remus was staring at me, his eyes boring into me. I shook my head briefly and shoved my despair back into the deepest corner of my heart, sealing it in a box and storing it away. I’d brood on it tonight as I stalked the Forbidden Forest. “Let’s go then, shall we?” I said in a forcefully cheery voice. “I don’t see the boys slowing down, and I don’t think they’ll be any food left if we linger any longer,” I said, and marched away from Remus determinedly, making a beeline for the Marauders and Lily. I tried to ignore Remus staring after me curiously. Sirius looked up as I drew near to their spot, flashing me a grin that made it so much easier for me to forget about the feelings that I had just tucked into a neat box. I went to the other side of the table and sat next to Sirius, who smirked at me choosing to sit next to him. I rolled my eyes and quickly grabbed a chocolate muffin from the speedily dwindling pile. Peter ought to be careful or he’d land himself in Madam Pomfrey’s care again, what with his devouring of all the breakfast items that had any trace of chocolate in them. Remus appeared and slid into the spot across from me. 

“Kersti, fancy seeing you here,” Lily said, giggling from the other side of the table as James tried to put another leaf behind her ear. 

“Bit different than when I first ate here, yeah?” I said, pouring myself a cup of tea. 

“Ow, James! You poked me with the stem!” Lily said, laughing and swatting away the decorative foliage from his fingers. 

“I didn’t mean to, Lily. Can I kiss it better?” James said, inching closer to her. 

Lily laughed as James gave her a sloppy kiss on the ear. I made a subdued retching sound. “God, they’ll ruin my appetite at this rate,” I said to Sirius, who was eating such enormous portions that I was starting to think that both he and James had hollow legs where all the food went. All that food certainly didn’t seem to stick to Sirius’s body, as I’d discovered when he’d gotten undressed for me yesterday. He was still so lean. 

“Can’t say I know the feeling, love. I’m always hungry.” Sirius had something to drink and then turned to me. “Well, hungry in more ways than one,” he said, and I felt his warm hand land on my thigh. I choked on my tea in surprise, and then took a few more sips to hide my reaction. Luckily it was just Peter sitting on Sirius’s other side, and he was oblivious when there was food in the room. Sirius kept sipping at his pumpkin juice as I felt his hand inching up along the top of my thigh, and then it dived down and drew near to my crotch. I laid my free hand over his exploring one to stop it, even as I jolted when his fingers brushed against my panties. 

“Save it for another time, Sirius. I don’t fancy giving any of your friends an eyeful,” I said, smirking at him. He flashed me his own smirk and then withdrew his hand, stroking along my thigh on the way out. As the owls flew in with the morning’s deliveries, I quickly finished the rest of my tea; I didn’t want any of them to leave droppings or feathers in my cup. An owl dropped a copy of that day’s _The Daily_ _Prophet_ in front of Lily. She abandoned her breakfast and unrolled it, her frown deepening as she scanned the front article. 

“What is it, Lily?” I asked. 

“Another family of Muggleborns disappeared yesterday,” she said, looking up from the paper to meet my eyes. My stomach sank down to the floor. 

James wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders. “We’ll get through this, Lily.” 

I stared down at my tea cup, digging the nail of my thumb into the soft wood of the table. “I wonder if the families of Hogwarts students will be safe,” I said. “I wonder if my family will be safe.” 

“I’m sure that the Ministry will track down whoever is responsible,” Remus said, and I raised my eyes to look at him. He smiled gently at me. 

“Yes, all Muggleborns and Halfbloods are safe at Hogwarts as long as Dumbledore’s around,” James said, squeezing Lily’s shoulders reassuringly. 

“But will we be safe from the other students?” I said, gesturing to Remus, Lily and myself, as Sirius, James and Peter were all purebloods. 

“Yes. Avery and his lot are such shitty duellers that Prongs and I could beat them in our sleep,” Sirius said. 

I couldn’t help but smile. “I guess that means I’ll need to take cover with all you hooligans at all times,” I said. 

“Ah, fuck, now that won’t work, Padfoot. Grindylow and I are pitted against each other to the death,” James said. 

Lily rolled her eyes at him while I grinned at James. “Doomed to be in constant conflict.”

“Oh, the agony! How messy this is, my beautiful Lily’s friend is my nemesis!” James wailed dramatically. 

“Oh, James, stop being so dramatic,” Lily said, smiling fondly at him. “Let’s get going, I need to gather my textbooks from my dormitory.” She got up, the rest of us following suit. We headed to the exit along with the other masses of students. Somehow I did feel better walking with Sirius and the Marauders when there were Slytherin blood purists around, because they wouldn’t dare to take on a group of six like us. The noticeable downside was that all the girls within eyesight were staring at me walking next to Sirius, whispering and talking about me. It wasn’t as bad as when Sirius and I had been seen walking alone before, but I was starting to sorely miss my previous anonymity. I didn’t think that anyone who associated this closely with Sirius Black could be anonymous, much to my dejection. 

  
  
  
  
  


The rest of the day passed uneventfully, as I was trying to keep myself busy with my homework and assignments and practicing my wandless magic to take my mind off the blood purism incidents. That evening, I headed outside to the Forbidden Forest, not bothering to take a dose of the potion, as I wanted to stay awake in order to settle my mind as I walked. I was too stressed to sleep or sit still, and when I was like this the only thing that helped was prowling the outdoors as a fearsome tiger. The near-full moon rose and crossed the sky, and I ran and ran, my lungs heaving and panting from the exertion. I wished for nothing more in that moment to be able to run away from being a Seer; that every stride that I covered at my frantic pace would draw me farther and farther away from my dreams and visions; and that I would eventually arrive in a reality where I didn’t have to bear this burden, where I wasn’t plagued by the sadness that consumed me. I ran and ran, but no matter how long or how far I ran, I could never outpace my Seer abilities. They followed me wherever I went, agonizing me with their touches, turning my life to misery. 


	15. Detention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I originally drafted out the outline of this fanfic in June of 2020, I thought that it would be much shorter than it is turning out to be. I’ve already indicated this, but I think that there might be about 90 chapters in this fanfic, which I will have sorted into four categories: Hogwarts (September 1977- June 1978); the years in between (1978-1981); Azkaban (1981-1993); and post-Azkaban (1993-onwards). Or, I might very well make this fanfiction into a multi-part story; I’m not quite sure yet.
> 
> The reason that the fanfic is turning out to be much longer than I anticipated is because I am really wanting to flesh out the major characters beside Kersti and Sirius, like James, Lily and Remus. And as I write the fanfic, I’m always coming up with new mischief and trouble for the Marauders, Lily, and Kersti to get into, and new interactions and bonding time that happens between characters. In sum, I’m getting a bit carried away with writing about the Marauders, Lily and Kersti because it’s so fun to imagine the sorts of antics that they might get up to, and to explore the personal dynamics that emerge between various characters. There are also several other ideas that I’d like to and am in the process of exploring to a certain depth in the fanfic, such as Kersti’s Seer abilities and how they affect her, and how they shape her personality and actions; the emergence of blood purism views; morality and survival; etc. I do of course have an entire outline for the story, with the major plot points and many of the more minor events that will happen (including how the story will end), but there are certain character dynamics that continue to emerge. 
> 
> Anyway, there are much more antics and happenings to write yet in the world of the Marauders, Lily and Kersti. 
> 
> Happy reading!  
> -freyja-luna

When the sun started to pierce the thick canopy of the Forbidden Forest, I headed back towards the castle. I had only stopped a few times to sleep during the night, but each time I’d woken after only an hour or so because of the unresolved tension and stress coursing through my body. Hearing classmates at Hogwarts saying that they advocated for the “purging” of people like me had rattled me to my very core, leaving me fraught with fear and anxiety. How could I walk through the hallways of Hogwarts, knowing that there were students who would see me deported for my heritage, over which I’d had no say? Not to mention that I was a student just like them, and why should it matter who my parents were. I wasn’t even a Squib or a Muggle walking amongst them; we were all on the same playing field. So why did it matter to Avery and other Slytherins whether our families were all witches and wizards or not? There wasn’t anything that I could do to change their minds, which was the worst part. They were too stuck in their ways of seeing wizarding pedigrees, no doubt from being spoon fed that pureblood rot from the time that they had been in diapers. All I could do was hunker down to wait out the storm and keep practicing my wandless magic and other spells, and keep an eye out for anyone who wanted to hurt me. And of course, keep hiding my Seer identity from everyone. 

I was disappointed and mad at myself that I’d even dropped so many hints to Remus in my struggle with my despair yesterday, but it was too late to take that back. I supposed that I hadn’t given him any real clues, and the word “curse” could be interpreted in quite a few ways. Maybe he thought that I was a vampire? Or that I had some sort of incurable rash? I shook my big, furry head vigorously. There was nothing to do except not say such things next time, and I wouldn’t insult Remus’s intelligence by thinking that he would believe such far-fetched excuses. 

I transformed at the edge of the forest and then went up to the Great Hall. My mood was foul, blacker than the ceiling of the Great Hall which spoke of impending rain storms with its dark, angry clouds. I slunk to the Ravenclaw table and found a spot by myself, out of sight from the girls and anyone else who would annoy me by trying to start a conversation, and proceeded to gulp down three cups of coffee in an effort to keep my eyes open today. I hoped that I wouldn’t have to resort to a sticking charm to keep my eyelids from closing of their own accord. I would’ve smoked a joint before coming into the Great Hall to soothe my black mood, but with last night’s sleep deprivation I didn’t want to have anything calming, as I would most certainly nod right off into my breakfast. I shuddered at the prank that Avery might pull on me if he were to walk by me at the Ravenclaw table, using my toast as a pillow. 

I curled over my breakfast, hiding my face as I noticed the boys and Lily making their way out of the hall towards theirs and my first class of the day: Advanced Charms with Flitwick. James and Lily were holding hands again, while Sirius looked like he was teasing Peter. Remus was talking to another Gryffindor boy, Frank Longbottom, as he followed his friends, the two deep in conversation about something. When I saw that they were far enough on their way to Advanced Charms, I did a once over of the Great Hall, keeping an eye out for Avery and any other Slytherins, and noting that Emily and Lia were still finishing their breakfasts, while Tess was ranting to her quidditch teammates, presumably about the upcoming match on Friday. 

I discreetly got up and made a dash for the door, earning a curious glance from Slughorn as he made his own way out of the hall. I ran up to the Ravenclaw tower, encountering no one, grabbed my things for classes, and then ran back down a few floors to Charms. I also hoped that a burst of exercise might stave off the mental fatigue at least until I could get some more coffee at lunchtime. I walked down the corridor, the Advanced Charms class in sight, and nearly crashed into some oblivious first years standing smack in the middle of the corridor. 

“Watch it,” I growled. They took one look at me, their eyes going wide, before they scattered. I stalked on down the hallway, rubbing my face and massaging my temples. A stress headache was threatening to blow up. Great. Just fucking great. 

“Bloody hell, looks like the Grindylow is in a bad mood!” 

I turned to the source of the voice, which was James standing with the other Marauders and Lily. I bit my tongue with great difficulty, not wanting to start shit this early in the morning with him. 

“Stop antagonizing Kersti,” Lily said to him, looking at me in concern as I walked over to join them. “Are you ill? Or just the migraines again?”

“Just the migraines. And I got next to no sleep last night,” I said, my smile pinched. 

“Let’s go find ourselves a seat, then,” she said, linking her arm with mine and leading me off to the class. Remus smiled sympathetically at me while James shook his head. Sirius blew me a kiss jokingly as I turned away. Maybe an orgasm would help with my mood? I’d have to see if I could _proposition_ Sirius later for a steamy session with him in the castle somewhere. Lily sat me down at a desk and took the spot to my left, the boys right behind us and taking up residence in the desks beside ours, James and Sirius in front, with Remus and Peter in behind. This always spelled trouble, and I wondered what the two Marauders whom Lily and I were _intimately_ involved with would try to pull on us in class. Hopefully nothing too vexing, because I felt about ready to lash out at someone, and I didn’t want to push Sirius away today when I was hoping that he could fuck away my bad mood. 

Flitwick’s arrival at the front of the class, standing on his usual stack of books, marked the beginning of the lesson, which I could barely follow, what with my mental fog and irritable feelings. I was very unlucky and today’s lesson was a lecture on the theory behind undetectable extension charms, and the longer Flitwick continued to speak, the more sleepy I got. Lily was scratching away at her parchment at an inhuman pace, totally absorbed in the lesson and very much failing to see how my eyelids were drooping down against my will. I put my chin in my hand, the classroom around me blurring as my tired eyes failed me. I stopped fighting the tiredness, letting sleep pull me under and down to its depths. This was a much better use of Charms class, in my opinion. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


My head fell forward, my palm and arm no longer supporting my chin, and with a loud crack my forehead hit the desk. Pain exploded across my forehead as I jerked my head up, and was met with the sight of James in his seat that was right across the aisle from me, sniggering behind his hand. The wanker must have pushed my arm right out from my chin as I slept, causing my head, without its support, to fall forward. James was shaking as he tried not to burst out laughing, revelling in my pain and angry expression. 

“You FUCKING asshole!” I said, and before I could control my temper, I whipped out my wand and hit him with the stinging jinx. 

James writhed in a moderate amount of pain (more annoying than anything). “Motherfucker!” he cursed loudly, jumping out of his seat as the stinging struck his whole body. He was doing a sort of jig of pain at what must feel like being stung by thousands of bees at the same time, and I burst out laughing. 

“ENOUGH!” Flitwick shouted, and ceased my jinx with a wave of his wand. “Absolutely unacceptable behaviour!” James fell silent and sat back down in his seat, giving me a totally venomous look, but I could see Sirius dying of laughter on his other side, tears streaming down his face from trying to control his laughing. He buried his head in the crook of his arm on the desk, shoulders shaking violently. Remus was looking in confusion from James to me, while Peter looked angry that I had dared to mess with his precious leader. 

“Kersti, what in Merlin’s name is wrong with you,” Lily hissed angrily to me. Well. She should discipline James more and tell him not to be a tool, I’d just gotten revenge for what he’d done. 

Flitwick was glaring at me from the front of the class. “20 points from Ravenclaw, Miss Ridgelow, for your completely inappropriate behaviour and foul language, and 5 points from Gryffindor for your choice of words, Mr. Potter,” he said. Both the Ravenclaws and the Gryffindors groaned and shot us irritated looks. Sirius was leaning back in his seat, looking up at the ceiling and wiping the tears from his cheeks as he fought the smile on his face. He wasn’t successful, and he broke down into suppressed laughter again as he looked from James to me. “Detention for you this evening, Miss Ridgelow, for your incredibly reproachable use of magic against a classmate.” James smiled gleefully. “Wipe that smile off your face this instant, Mr. Potter, because you will be serving detention with her as well.” 

“But, Professor-” 

“Enough. No buts, Mr. Potter, I don’t care that you’re Head Boy. You two will see me after class about your punishment.”

I gave _Rotter_ a caustic look and curled my lip at him. He flipped me off when Flitwick wasn’t looking, fingers twitching with suppressed anger, no doubt wishing that he could leap across the aisle and pummel me. It was his own goddamn fault, he’d started it. Lily and I sat in cold silence for the remainder of the lesson, and she went back to writing her notes, not even sparing me a second glance and pretending that I wasn’t even there. Ouch. But worth it to get back at her boyfriend for fucking around with me, especially when I had already been in such a terrible mood today. At least Sirius was enjoying himself, as he flashed me a shit-eating grin when he had regained his composure. I shook my head to myself, a half-smile shaping my lips. In exchange for the gift that I’d just given him of some highly amusing entertainment in a boring class, he’d better fuck away my moodiness later today. 

Once class was dismissed, James AKA Rotter and I stayed behind to hear our punishment. Lily left in a hurry after class, maybe because she didn’t want to be seen associating with riffraff the likes of James and I, and maybe because she was embarrassed that her friend and her boyfriend had been acting so immaturely. Sirius was grinning at us as he left with Remus and Peter, clearly enjoying that shit was hitting the fan. I hissed at Rotter when we went to the front of the Charms classroom to convene with Flitwick, and he retaliated by flipping me off with both middle fingers. My eyebrows shot up at his enthusiastic gesture. 

“Mr. Potter, Miss Ridgelow. I have considered both of your actions,” Flitwick started when we’d reached him, “and I have decided that you are both to clean and polish all of the candelabra in the Great Hall under the supervision of Mr. Filch.” 

Rotter and I groaned. “In addition,” Flitwick said over our protests, “you, Miss Ridgelow, will be scrubbing down all of the tables, benches and chairs, and you will mop the entire floor. I need not mention that you two will be completing your detention tasks without the use of magic.” Flitwick gave me a sharp look. “As your Head of House, Miss Ridgelow, I elected to not give you an outdoors-related punishment, since I know how much you enjoy helping Hagrid and how you excel in Care of Magical Creatures. Such a punishment would have been far too enjoyable for you.” 

“Professor, I fail to see how I-” 

“Silence, Potter. I saw how you were the one to act first, and so you will not be absolved of your punishment.” 

James’s mouth was agape. “But I’m Head Boy and she jinxed me, I never raised my wand against her and-” 

Flitwick gave him a look so icy that he fell silent mid-protest. “Be ready outside of the Great Hall at 7 o’clock this evening for Mr. Filch. Consider yourself lucky, Miss Ridgelow, that this is your first offence that has earned you detention in your time here, or else I would assign you a much stronger punishment. It is absolutely inappropriate to use magic in the way that you did in class, and your conduct was an embarrassment to this school.” With that, Flitwick turned his back on us in dismissal and James and I stomped out of the class. I was fairly certain that he’d forgotten about me attending the busted Gryffindor party, or else he would’ve considered me a repeat offender and upped the ante on my detention task.

I burst out of the classroom first, James hot on my tail. “Fuck you, Rotter. This is all your goddamn fault,” I hissed, marching over to where Lily and the Marauders were waiting for us. 

“My fault?! Fuck you too, Grindylow. You were the one who fucking jinxed me in class!” James said, raising his voice at me. 

“You fucking started it! It’s not my fault that I had the shittiest sleep of my life last night! No one FUCKING asked you to wake me up when I was minding my own goddamn business,” I snarled as we stopped in the middle of the hallway to have words. 

“You didn’t have to jinx me, you asshole. Get a better handle on your own bloody temper before you go blaming others.” 

I let out a derisive laugh. “None of that would have bloody well happened if you’d just left well alone!” 

“Kersti, that’s enough,” Lily snapped as she and the Marauders came to stop the fight between Rotter and I that was on its way to reaching uncontrollable levels. “I’m so disappointed in both of you.” 

Only Lily Evans could chastise James Potter and I, apparently. “Sorry, my Lilykins-”

“No, don’t you ‘Lilykins’ me, James Potter,” she snapped, eyes narrowed. “Both of you should be ashamed of your childish behaviour, and you both deserve the punishment that you received from the professor.” 

“Look, I’m sorry Lily. please forgive me?” I asked her. 

She let out a deep breath. “Let’s just forget about it, shall we? I don’t fancy having this hanging over our heads any longer when I could be having a good time with my friend and my boyfriend.” She gave us both a smile, and tucked some red hair behind her ears. 

“I, for one, need to thank you for your entertaining antics, Ridgelow,” Sirius said, breaking the silence. “I nearly pissed my pants laughing.” He was grinning at me, grey eyes twinkling as his gaze lingered on me. 

Lily rounded on him. “There’s nothing amusing about it, Black. What Kersti did was incredibly immature and inappropriate, not to mention the disturbance that she created in the middle of class.” 

Sirius shrugged, still grinning like a fiend, Lily’s criticism sliding right off him like water. “Have it your way, Evans.” 

Lily huffed, not liking Sirius not taking her authority seriously. She took a deep breath and then smiled again with great effort. “Let’s go, or we’ll be late to Potions.” And with that she started off down the hallway, and I followed with the Marauders. 

“I don’t give a shit how much Evans likes you, Grindylow,” Rotter hissed at me out of earshot of Lily. 

“Ditto,” I snarled back. “Let sleeping tigers lie, Rotter.”

“If she weren’t here, I’d hex you into next year.” 

“Oh, really? I’d like to see you try. Don’t play with fire, or else you’re bound to get burnt.” I was distracted by Sirius coming to walk beside me. He looked from James and I strangely for the briefest of moments, like he was considering the both of us together, and then it was gone and his usual handsome smirk was curling up his shapely lips. 

“Alright, you two, that’s enough,” Remus said, walking up to physically separate the two of us. “Prongs, get a move on,” he said, and he and James drew ahead to catch up to Lily. 

Sirius and I followed them with Peter trailing us. He was looking at me, his gaze warm, and at least he enjoyed my sharp tongue and foul mouth, even if such talents and aspects of my personality were lost on Lily. “Usually I’ve been the one to get detentions this year, not Prongs,” he said to me. 

“Lucky you, huh? I’d much rather be serving detention with you than with Rotter. You’re so much more fun to be around, old man.” 

Sirius grinned at me. “Aw, how sweet of you to say that, love. I have to admit that I quite like how you’re a real spitfire.” 

I raised an eyebrow at him and intentionally let my gaze linger on his lips. “Is that so?” I leaned in to walk closer to him, my hand and arm grazing his robes. “Because I was really hoping that you’d be able to _improve my mood_ sometime this evening.” I threw him a wink like he so often did to me. 

A grin split his face. “I was thinking the exact same thing, love. How about I so graciously _assist you_ before your detention this evening?” 

I pretended to think about it for a second, a rush of electricity coursing through my body when I saw Sirius eyeing me hungrily. “That sounds _lovely_. How about 6 o’clock? I would tell you where I’ll be, but I know you’ll find me anyway using whatever it is that you and Rotter do to track Lily and I down at all hours.” 

If Sirius’s grin got any wider, the corners of his mouth would be reaching his ears. “It’s a date, love. But I get to choose the venue.” 

I gave him a look. “Not in public, old man.” 

“Really? Don’t fancy getting detention again for public indecency?” he joked, and we laughed. 

“No, and I don’t fancy giving any Slytherin scumfucks a tasty view.” 

Sirius grinned at me, his gaze dropping to my mouth. “Alright, it’ll be somewhere private. This time.” 

I swatted his arm. “No way, Sirius. I do have standards when it comes to hooking up. And unlike you, half the student body of the opposite sex hasn’t seen me naked.”

Sirius looked surprised. “Surely you’ve fucked your fair share of blokes at Hogwarts?” 

I shrugged and made a face to myself, thinking about how I had been far too busy concealing my Seer identity from everyone in the past years to care much for random hookups. “Nope. I made a rare exception to my rule with you. Still don’t know what I was thinking.”

Sirius looked smugly at me. “I’m thrilled that you made an exception for me then, love.” He leaned in close to me, still smirking. “I’ll make sure you don’t regret it.” 

I rolled my eyes and jabbed him playfully in the side with my elbow, my stomach flip flopping from the way that he was looking at me. Fuck. Since when had I been such a slave to his charm? Leave it to Sirius to reduce me to a quivering mess whenever he talked about fucking me these days. Poor Peter was completely forgotten as we hurried after James, Lily and Remus down to the Dungeons for Potions, and when we reached Slughorn’s classroom, all the students were inside and seated, and Slughorn was just about to start his explanation of today’s lesson, when the six of us made quite the stink entering late. 

Slughorn frowned at us from the front of the class. “Good morning Miss Evans, you are not in the habit of being late; this is quite unexpected for you. . .” He trailed off when he saw James jerk to a halt beside her, followed on his heels by Remus, Sirius and I, and Peter. 

“I’m so sorry, Professor,” Lily said, turning red as most of the class turned to stare at us, including Snape, who, upon seeing Lily and James, looked like he’d drunk a faulty potion and was about to hurl. “There was a . . . situation that had to be dealt with.”

Slughorn smiled at his top student. “Nevermind that, Miss Evans, please take your seat. I was just on the cusp of starting today’s lesson.” 

Slughorn said “on the cusp” with such a weird raised tone of his own accord that Sirius and I snorted into our palms and then feigned minor coughing fits to disguise our laughter. Marlene had already paired up with a Ravenclaw boy since she’d assumed that Lily would be absent today, and so I was once again paired up with Lily. She gave me a withering look when she heard Sirius and I laughing at her favourite professor and marched off towards one of the empty desks, which was at the front of the class. I could feel the eyes of so many of the students following me as I kept up with Lily, the stares coming from a fair few girls in the room, as well as a very indignant Avery who was fuming in the corner. I was in the mood to lash out and take the piss out of someone, so when we had to pass by him sitting with that Slytherin girl named Weaver who’d been bashing Muggleborns on Monday, I turned to look down at him, giving him the nastiest smile that I could muster, topping it off with a kiss blown his way, and then I sauntered off to mine and Lily’s desk. With my animagus hearing, I could hear him grumbling to himself at my backhanded gesture. Ha. The wanker was just too easy to fuck with. 

Slughorn began his lesson this time when all the latecomers had gotten seated, the Marauders somewhere at the back of the class, and it struck me suddenly how I, at least for the present time, had the attention of two seventh year boys who were from two of the most prominent pureblood wizarding families in Britain, but who couldn’t be more different from each other. There was Tristan Avery, who got a real kick out of pranking me simply because I’d turned him down for my own safety; whom I wouldn’t put it past to give me food laced with Amortentia in order to humiliate me and finally fuck me; and who would quite possibly try track me down sometime this year to use the Cruciatus curse on me, since I was sure that soon he’d find out my blood status. And then there was Sirius Black, who made me smile just by thinking of him and the antics that we’d gotten up to this year. I never in a million years would have guessed that I would sleep with him, but then again, I never would have guessed at how my seventh year was panning out. 

Lily’s elbow bumping into my side dragged me out of my train of thought. “What are you smiling about?” she said, raising a knowing eyebrow at me. “You’re staring off into space and looking quite pleased about something. Are you thinking about a certain dark-haired Gryffindor? Because he’s staring at you from behind us,” she whispered. 

I smirked to myself and shrugged, and then set about getting my things in order for the potion that we were going to brew today: the Shrinking Solution. Lily smiled and shook her head at my ambiguous response, and then we got up to get the ingredients that we would need. We encountered James and Remus on our way to the supply closet, and James and I flipped each other off in greeting, to which Remus rolled his eyes and pushed James along, fearing that the detention attendees would be getting into a fight amongst all the fragile vials and bottles. 

“Why’d you have such a bad sleep last night?” Lily asked as we sorted through the various bottles in search of the necessary potion ingredients. 

“It was actually because of stress. Hearing classmates saying that they would like to see you deported for your blood status and reading about those poor Muggles and Muggleborn families in the paper really got to me,” I said in a hushed voice, lest a certain Slytherin scumfuck hear. At least I was telling her a half-truth.

Lily’s face clouded with sadness. “Me too. I know Hogwarts is safe for us, but it’s hard to keep that in mind with nasty sorts like Mulciber and Avery roaming the halls. Especially after what Mulciber did to Mary in fifth year.” 

I looked at her in surprise. “What did he do to Mary?” I’d never heard anything, due to not being in the same House as Mary, and being preoccupied with my emerging Inner Eye and its powers. 

“Oh, right. We didn’t know each other all that well then,” she said, making us smile at how far we’d come in our newfound friendship in just a short month-and-a-half. Her expression darkened. “Mulciber and Avery trapped her in one of the empty girls’ lavatories when she was by herself. Mary doesn’t quite remember what happened herself, but I heard Mulciber bragging to some other Slytherins that he placed her under the Imperius curse. Mary had to stay in the Hospital wing for weeks after, and she says that she still occasionally feels the effects.”

I felt my face going pale. “What? How was he not expelled?” I hissed.

Lily’s face was tense as we looked at each other. “Dunno. Maybe Dumbledore was too forgiving in his case.” 

I looked at her in surprise again, shocked that she would question Dumbledore’s choices. But then again, she was a Muggleborn and it could have easily been her, and Mary was her friend. She no doubt had been there the whole time to witness the lasting damage that the incident had left on her fellow Gryffindor, and the event was clearly a painful thing for her to think about. “I had no idea, I was really living under a rock in fifth year. I’m sorry about what happened, Lily,” I said as we made our way back to our desk, hands clutching vials with rat spleens, Shrivelfigs, caterpillars and leech juice. 

She gave me a small smile as we set about preparing the ingredients. “What hurt most was how Severus said that it was all just ‘a laugh’ to him. I couldn’t stand how he didn’t take it seriously, how he just brushed off their cruel behaviour. Why he did, I’ll never understand. . .” She trailed off, her head hung with the sadness of reliving past memories about a friend who had treated her so terribly, when all along she’d wanted the best for him and cared deeply for him. 

“Hey, let’s not think about that. We don’t need anymore depressing things to talk about, what with everything that’s happened recently,” I said, placing a hand on her arm. As soon as I laid my hand on her arm, I had a premonition, but this time I was overwhelmed by a sense of happiness. I could feel the joy and happiness that she would feel in the future. A brilliant smile split my face as I felt her future joy bubbling up from within me like a spring, her contentment with her life spilling out of my mind and over my body, sweeping me off my feet. “Don’t you worry about a thing, my dear Lily Evans. You will be just fine,” I said, all sadness gone from my tone. My vision was hazy and I wasn’t sure what I was even looking at in that moment. I was too consumed by the joy that awaited Lily in the future, my premonition dulling the world around me and turning all my senses inwards as I felt what my friend would come to feel. “We’re all here for you, no matter what and we’ll always love you. Just because you’ve got a family of your own now, doesn’t mean you’ll be getting rid of me anytime soon, not when I’m his godmother.” My mouth formed the words and my voice pronounced them to Lily, but I wasn’t in control and I was merely a vessel at the mercy of my gift of Sight as the premonition took over my faculties. Suddenly, as quickly as the premonition had overtaken me, it faded and I blinked, seeing the classroom around me once more. Lily was staring at me in shock, mouth agape. 

Oh, fuck. My stomach sunk as I realized the implications of what had just happened. Lily was still staring at me, but thankfully because I’d been speaking normally and not collapsed in a screaming fit, no one else had noticed anything out of the ordinary. Oh, no. I’d just had a premonition in front of Lily, and though a part of me recognized that it could have been much worse, like having a full blown vision in the middle of class, I was sorely regretting not smoking a joint before I’d gone to classes in order to prevent my Seer abilities from making their presences known in public. 

“What. . . what did you say?” Lily said shakily, still staring at me. “Did you say. . . _godmother_?” 

I hurriedly busied myself with starting my Shrinking Solution. “Sorry Lily, I’m actually high right now. I smoked quite a bit of weed before I came to class today, which is why I fell asleep in Charms class,” I said quickly, gaze fixed down at my cauldron as I began adding ingredients. 

“But. . . what. . . You said _godmother_ , Kersti. And . . . _family_.” 

“Slip of the tongue, sorry. Weed really has that effect on me, makes me talk gibberish. Just ask Sirius,” I said, giving her what I hoped was a genuine-looking smile. “Come on, we’ll be behind if we don’t continue with the potion!” I turned back to my cauldron, trying to hide my shaking hands as I peeled the Shrivelfig. Lily opened and closed her mouth several times, and then reluctantly turned back to her cauldron. She kept casting me odd looks as we continued with our solutions, but I kept my gaze fixed down, praying to Merlin that she would forget about what I’d just run my mouth about. Thankfully, she didn’t bring the subject up again, though whether that was because she believed my story or not, I couldn’t tell. 

As we progressed through the steps of our potions, I turned to Lily. “We haven’t made much progress towards finding out how they track us down.” 

Lily smiled, looking thoughtful. “No, we haven’t. We’ve tried asking them directly, and of course that won’t work. And I’ve done some reading in my spare time, and that’s not helped at all.” 

“If it’s a charm, they’d have to cast it somehow, and keep recasting it. Have you seen them doing anything like that? 

Lily shook her head, and her face lit up suddenly. “I’ve got it!” she burst out, uncharacteristically loudly for her. The students around us turned in their seats to stare at us, but quickly went back to their work when they saw that there was nothing exciting to see but an enthusiastic Lily Evans. She lowered her voice this time. “What about the Polyjuice Potion? If we test the limitations of the charm or spell or whatever the thing is, then we should have a better idea of what it actually is. Using the Polyjuice Potion, we might be able to subvert it because it’ll change our appearances. If it’s a charm of some sort, we might trick it into thinking that we’re actually one another. I know it’s not much, but we need a better idea of what we’re up against, and knowing its limitations would certainly help.” 

“So. . . we’re going to switch appearances with each other?” I asked quietly. 

Lily nodded. “That way we won’t be breaking any rules, strictly speaking. Otherwise we’d have to drug and hide another student, which could get us into serious trouble.” 

I chuckled. “Alright, it’s your plan, so I’ll follow your lead. And there’re fewer things to go wrong if we’re just becoming each other.” 

“Oh, bother,” Lily said. 

“What?” 

“The potion takes one month to brew.”

“Oh.” My heart fell, as I had been getting excited that we could find out more about Rotter’s tracking device and that I could get revenge on him soon for what he’d done to me in class today. 

“No, wait, hold on,” Lily said, more to herself than to me. “I’ve heard Slughorn mention several times that he runs an apothecarium which sells potions. I reckon he must sell the Polyjuice Potion, I could ask him if I could buy some?” 

“Knowing Slughorn, he’d give you some for free if you asked,” I said, chuckling. 

Lily blushed faintly. “Well, I’ll offer to pay him either way.”

We ducked our heads together as said professor walked over to help some Ravenclaws nearby. “When can you get it?” I asked. 

“I’ll ask him today after class, you go on ahead.”

“When should we execute our plan, then?” 

“What about Saturday? That way we won’t have to worry about showing up to each other’s classes and you won’t have to deal with Head Girl duties.” 

I snorted with laughter. “What are you talking about? I’d be the most outstanding Head Girl.” 

Lily laughed. “You’d have the first years spouting all manner of profanities and letting chaos run rampant in the castle.” 

I laughed. “That sounds like fun. But yes, point taken.” We quickly busied ourselves with our nearly-complete solutions when Slughorn walked by our desk, and soon enough class was finished and I was packing up my things, flashing Lily a thumbs up as she headed to the front of the class to ask Slughorn about buying the potion from him. Luckily, James had begun a heated debate with Sirius about who would be winning the quidditch match between Ravenclaw and Slytherin this Friday, a debate which seemed to be of the utmost importance to both of them, and which effectively kept James’s attention off of Lily at the front of the class. I chuckled at Sirius and James’s intense tones as I slipped out of the class and headed to Care of Magical Creatures with Professor Kettleburn. I reckoned that I would reconvene with Lily sometime soon so that we could iron out the kinks in our plan. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


There were no other explosive flare ups of my temper that day, and I was feeling a bit better because of having formulated the plan with Lily, and there was some residual happiness from the premonition that I’d had about her. I’d smoked a couple joints during lunch break to prevent anything like that from happening again today. If I were lucky, Lily would forget about the whole incident and take my words at face value, and I hoped that she would, because even if she were to hound me about why I had started spouting gibberish at her in the middle of class, she wouldn’t be getting any more of an explanation than what I had already given her. 

A part of me was overjoyed that I’d had the premonition because of what I’d gleaned from my future. I’d been so saddened the other day at the prospect of having no friends left after I graduated from Hogwarts that the premonition had reassured me. And on top of remaining friends with Lily in the future, I would also be close enough to her that she would name me as her son’s godmother. I was so happy for Lily that she would have a loving family in the future, and even if that were with James Potter, I would gladly tolerate him if it meant that I could remain friends with her. 

Lily’s comment in Potions about how she’d done some extra reading had sparked an idea in me, and with a renewed motivation for our investigation into the Marauders’ tracking object, I’d headed to the library after dinner. Madam Pince was off yelling at some Hufflepuff fifth years near the front doors who were playing Truth or Dare instead of studying, so I had walked right by her vacant desk, slipped into the darkness between the towering bookshelves, and then walked right into the Restricted Section. There was nothing very informative in the normal section of the library, and I might as well go straight to the big guns to save time. That was where Sirius found me, evidently with the help of their tracking thing, as I stood scanning the titles of the books before me, my head tilted to the right as I tried to read the titles. 

“Restricted Section, love? Why am I not surprised,” Sirius whispered behind me. I straightened up and spun around to face him. He was leaning against the bookshelf behind me, hands in his pockets. My heart leapt into my throat when I saw how good he looked with the top three buttons of his shirt undone; sleeves rolled up to the elbows; long, dark hair stark against the white fabric. God, how did he look so fucking good all the time? 

I shrugged nonchalantly, my heart thundering in my ears. “Been doing this for three years, you’d think the Pincer would’ve found out by now.” 

He grinned in the half-darkness and looked me up and down, which made my stomach fill with butterflies. “Or you’re just good at not getting caught,” he said, taking several steps closer until he was standing in front of me, mere inches away. 

I looked up to meet his eyes, mouth twisting into a smirk. “Thank Merlin for animagus hearing.” My heart raced as Sirius stared back at me, his mouth mirroring my smirk. 

“Ready to go, love?” he whispered, raising a hand to rest on the side of my neck, his fingers brushing my hair. My skin burned under his touch. 

I nodded and he grinned again, and then grabbed my hand, leading me out of the Restricted Section. We pretended to walk innocently by the Pincer, no longer holding hands, and she narrowed her eyes at us from over her spectacles but didn’t go farther than that. Sirius and I laughed as we made it out into the corridor, and I followed his lead as we descended stairs to the ground floor and eventually ended up before a nondescript brown door, far enough down the corridor and around a bend from the Great Hall, so that when we inevitably would come stumbling back out of it, we wouldn’t be seen by Filch waiting for James and I by the hall. 

“How romantic, old man,” I said, grinning at Sirius. 

He shrugged, looking unperturbed. “Last time was an exception. Usually I can’t guarantee that there won’t be any intruders if it’s in my dormitory. I do share with Wormy, Prongs and Moony.”

“How’s that? I’m surprised you four haven’t burnt down the Gryffindor tower yet if you’re all in the same room,” I whispered as Sirius opened the door, revealing a darkened broom cupboard. It would be very _cozy_ , what with its small size. There was no light in it, and I could see shelves with cleaning items and the like on the walls. 

“Makes for not a lot of privacy,” he said, raising a suggestive eyebrow at me. “Ladies first.” He gestured to the open broom cupboard. I rolled my eyes and stepped in, thanking my lucky stars once more for my animagus vision that helped me see in the dim lighting. Sirius stepped in after me and closed the door behind us, throwing us into darkness, the only light coming from the crack under the bottom of the door. I heard Sirius quickly cast charms to silence and prevent anyone from opening the door from the outside. 

“What if you messed up the charm and now we’re locked in here?” I said, turning around in the darkness to face him, or to face wherever I thought he was. 

“Are you questioning my magic skills?” he said, and I heard rather than saw him shift towards me. As it was, there wouldn’t be more than an arm’s length between us if I were to lean against the shelves that lined the wall. 

I chuckled. “Maybe I- Ow! Sirius! That was my foot!” I said as he accidentally stepped on my right foot. 

“Oh, shit, sorry, love,” he said. “I can barely fucking see in here.” 

“Clearly.” I stepped closer to where I could dimly see his outline, the whiteness of his shirt guiding me. Only, he had the same idea as me and we ended up bumping right into each other, making us laugh.

“Okay, maybe I should’ve thought this one through,” he said, holding me by my waist. 

“Better than one of your friends walking in on us,” I said, my hands on his chest. I could dimly make out his features, my eyes having adjusted to the light. “I think I can see enough of you to get the job done.” 

Sirius chuckled, looking down at me. “I think I can too,” he said, and then he dipped his head to press his lips to mine. 

His lips on mine felt just as good as I remembered that they had, and my body broke out in pleasurable tingles as he began to shift his mouth against mine. I let him take the lead this time as he memorized the shape of my mouth with his. I felt his tongue flick out and I opened my lips, letting him explore the inside of my mouth once more. My hands fisted his shirt as my tongue met his, moving against his. Liquid warmth gathered in my stomach and then pooled lower as our kiss increased in intensity, our mouths and tongues moving together urgently. One of his hands ran up and down along my waist and the other dropped to cup my ass, making me sigh into his mouth. He chuckled and pressed me closer to him, the hand on my waist creeping up under my shirt. My breath hitched in my throat when his hand reached the skin of my stomach and then slid upwards, fingers brushing tantalizingly over the skin of my breast, palm cupping the roundness of the flesh contained within my bra. I could barely keep up with the movement of his mouth on mine, so lost was I in the feeling of his hands roaming over me. 

“Oh, fuck,” I hissed when Sirius gripped my ass in his hand harder, pushing me flush against him. The feeling of his erection poking me made heat gather between my legs and made my clothes feel too constrictive. I tried my best to keep up with his tongue as he plundered my mouth, and I reached a hand between us to drag my tights and underwear down my legs, leaving the skirt on out of convenience. It wasn’t as much of a hindrance to his fingers as the tights and panties were. 

Sirius pulled away from me briefly, grinning at how I’d already pulled off my undergarments for him. I stared back at him fiercely and pulled him back against me with a hand gripping his tie. He chuckled into my mouth, his hands resuming their spot on my waist. I was in control and my tongue dove into his mouth, taking the lead, until his fingers slipped to my cunt and I forgot what I was doing, a groan spilling from my mouth into his. 

“Excited, love?” he whispered against my mouth, discovering the wetness that had pooled down there. 

“Ohhh,” I moaned as his thumb began rubbing my clit. “Fuck.” 

He smiled and then kissed along my neck, lowering himself slightly with bent knees so that he could slide his fingers lower to dance around my hole, as he was too tall to be able to finger me if he were standing at his full height. He increased the speed of his finger on my clit, making me let out a string of curses in between short breaths, his mouth leaving a wet trail down my neck, making my skin burn. 

“Fuck, this isn’t fair,” I panted, making him chuckle into my shoulder, which he was leaning his head against as he drove me to craziness with his fingers. 

“What? Too close to cumming?” he said. He raised his head to meet my gaze, and then slipped two fingers inside me. 

“Ahhh, fuck,” I moaned. He was having way too much fun turning me into a squirming, writhing mess, judging from his smirk as he watched me moan, twisting the two fingers inside me. I reached a hand down and grabbed his erection through his pants, and now it was his turn to hiss. I scrambled with his belt and fly, and then reached into his underwear and withdrew his cock, hot and twitching in my hand. 

“Fuck,” Sirius cursed, and then covered my mouth with his. He pushed his fingers farther inside me, curling them to rub against my front wall, and I retaliated by moving my hand up and down his erection, earning a low groan from him, much to my satisfaction. Both of us were having trouble concentrating on our kiss, and so Sirius pulled his mouth from mine to press it against my neck in a series of sloppy kisses once more, breathing harder and harder as I continued to jerk him off. I could feel my concentration slipping as he curled his fingers harder against my walls. I dropped my free hand to rub furiously at my clit, the combination of his fingers inside me and my own finger on my clit pushing me close to the edge. 

“Oh, fuck, right there, ohhhhh,” I moaned incoherently, and then I was crying out as I came around his fingers hard and fast, while he breathed shakily into my neck, feeling the pressure of my strokes. He withdrew his fingers and raised his head again to look at me. 

“In a better mood yet?” he said, smirking. 

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Not quite yet,” I said, hastily kissing him before turning away to face the wall, widening my stance and placing my hands on the shelves before me for support. 

“Oh, fuck me,” he cursed in appreciation, seeing me like that. 

“That’s what I’m about to do, old man.” 

He chuckled and I turned my head back to watch him grin ruefully at me. “You know what I meant,” he said, and then paused to flip my skirt up so he could see himself entering me, dragging his fingers along my slit briefly before guiding himself to my heat. He slid slowly in, and paused when he was all the way in, his hands falling to grip my hips. 

“Fuck,” he cursed again. 

I began to move against him, making him slowly withdraw and then plunge back in at my pace, and I spat on my fingers and dropped them down to my clit once more. 

“Move, Sirius,” I said, my voice breathy and sounding strange to my own ears.

He groaned and began to thrust inside me. His fingers tightened their grip on my hips to hold me to him, even as his thrusts were almost causing me to bounce away from him with the force of impact. It wasn’t long before the stimulation from my finger on my clit and feeling him inside me had me nearing my second orgasm, and sure enough, before my sluggish brain could catch up, I was cumming hard again around him, my walls spasming as I cried out yet again. He finished soon after, cursing through his climax. We stood there for a minute, catching our breaths, before he withdrew from me. I quickly grabbed my wand from where I’d put it on the shelf and cast a contraceptive spell, and then _scourgify_ over both of us before his cum could drip out of me. 

“Now how’s your mood, kitten?” 

I turned to face him, pulling my tights and underwear back up and taking a moment to look him up and down appreciatively. His hair was ruffled, his belt still undone, a grin on his face as he watched me. “A lot better, thank you, old geezer.” 

He let out a bark of laughter and rolled his eyes. “You’re really going to keep calling me that, huh? It’s not like I was born at the beginning of 1959 anyway, I think your criticism is a bit unfounded.” 

“Nah, I’m going to continue calling you an old man, and you can’t do anything about it,” I said, looking aloof as I straightened my robes. 

“What if I do this?” he said, and pounced on me, beginning to tickle me relentlessly. 

“No! Sirius, stop! Nooooooo!” I shrieked, cackling from the tickles. 

“Call me old man again, I dare you,” he said, wrapping himself around me and increasing his tickles in intensity. 

“I surrender! I surrender! Help me!” I cried out, tears leaking from the corners of my eyes. 

He finally stopped, looking down at me as I grinned and wiped the tears from my face, his arms still around me. “Do you mean it? Because if you don’t, there are plenty more where those came from.” 

“Yes, yes, alright,” I said, extracting myself from him and grabbing my wand. “Alright, let’s go . . . _old man_.” I threw open the door and made a mad dash down the corridor, hearing Sirius running after me. 

“Traitor! Liar!” he called after me as I ran, laughing wildly. I rounded the corner and slammed on the brakes, seeing Filch standing in front of the entrance to the Great Hall, a hissing Mrs. Norris in his arms, and a frowning James Potter standing a respectable distance from the foul caretaker. They were clearly both waiting for me to show up to our detention. Sirius nearly crashed into me, and as he slid to a stop he grabbed onto my shoulders to balance himself and prevent himself from bowling me over. James’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline at his best friend, and his eyes darted several times from one of us to the other. Sirius and I were both breathing hard from our sprint, and it was the only sound that broke the awkward silence that was hanging over the four of us. I heard Sirius discreetly doing his belt back up, thankfully hidden behind my body. Filch was looking at us with the utmost contempt, but then his thin face became alive with glee at the thought of being able to punish students this evening. 

“Well, well, look who decided to show up. God, I miss the days when I could hang students like you from the ceiling by their wrists.” 

I ignored him. He was just a bitter old Squib. I also tried to ignore how James was ogling Sirius and I, clearly having figured out that we had just been off doing something very naughty, judging from our flushed cheeks and ruffled appearances. 

“How’s Peeves, _Filchy_?” Sirius said from behind me, intentionally using the name that the ghost called the Squib. 

Filch’s face became red with anger and he raised a threatening finger at Sirius. “You’re lucky you’re not in this detention too, Black, or I’d save a real painful treat for you.” 

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. “I’m flattered, Filchy dearest.” He walked past me and clapped James on the shoulder. “Good luck, Prongs,” he said, and then strode off to the moving staircases, whistling a tune to himself and walking jauntily out of sight.

Filch let Mrs Norris down, and then turned around to the open doors of the Great Hall. “Come on, let’s get a move on, and no use running away. That’ll only make things more painful for you two,” he said, and turned his head to flash us a nasty smile with his crooked, yellow teeth. I shuddered to myself and followed James inside, but not before he flashed me a loaded look. I couldn’t be bothered to react, as I was still feeling quite happy from the two orgasms that I’d just had, thanks to Sirius. 

“Come on, I’ll need both your wands, Flitwick’s orders. Hurry up, haven’t got all evening, not when I need to hunt down that bugger Peeves tonight,” Filch said when we had stopped just inside the doors. Rotter and I reluctantly handed over our wands, my fourteen inch wand dwarfing his eleven inch one. My skin crawled as Filch gripped my wand and tucked mine and Rotter’s into the pocket of his tattered clothes for safe-keeping, and I hoped that my extremely finicky wand would accidentally catch him on fire and singe the gleeful expression off his smarmy face. Yes, I practiced my wandless magic often, so my wand was less of a crutch, but I couldn’t stand to see someone else holding it. It felt so _wrong_. Flich gestured to a pile of cleaning materials that had been haphazardly placed on a bench next to the doors, and then turned away to pick up Mrs Norris and pace back and forth in front of the arched doorway. 

I sighed and grabbed a polishing cloth, and then started on the massive pile of candelabra that had been gathered together and left on the end of the Hufflepuff table that was closest to the doors. I sat down on the bench, and after some huffing James sat across from me, though the heaped candelabras in between would hopefully serve as a barrier to prevent us from clawing at each other. 

“Has Evans told you why she voluntarily hangs around you? Because for the life of me I can’t figure it out,” Rotter said, sulking at the candlestick holder in his hands. 

I didn’t even look up from my task. “Can you just fuck off for once? You landed us both in here and now I’d like to finish this tedious detention as soon as possible.”

“Me? Like I said, you were the one who let your temper get the best of you,” he snapped, narrowing his eyes at me behind his glasses. 

I scoffed and glared at him. “You know, I don’t know why you hate me when I have no trouble getting along with the rest of the people in your group. That leads me to believe that you’re the one with the problem here.” 

“Oh, yeah, I fucking saw that, Grindylow. You’re just going to fuck your way into the group, are you? Just because you’re fucking Padfoot doesn’t mean I have to be nice to you. None of his girls last long anyway.” 

“That doesn’t fucking matter, what matters is that you’ve hated me from the moment I stepped in in the Forbidden Forest,” I hissed, quiet enough that Filch couldn’t hear. 

James scoffed, his face twisted into an angry expression. “Stay the fuck out of our business, prick.”

“I saved Sirius’s life! You should be thanking me, you ungrateful twat!” 

James laughed disdainfully, brandishing his candelabra threateningly at me. “We would’ve been fine, Moony wouldn’t’ve gone that far.”

“Really? Why don’t you FUCKING ask him what he said to me in the Hospital wing!”

“He just feels bad for you, because you’re a pathetic cunt who feels the need to interfere in other people’s business.”

I shook my head, amazed at his next-level douchery. “You talk about wondering how Lily tolerates me, but I think the better question is, ‘What the fuck did she start seeing in you this year?’” 

James stood up from the table in a rush, still wielding the candelabra. “You take that back, Grindylow,” he snarled, and waved the candelabra at me. Three of the candles went flying out of their holders, unaccustomed to being used as a weapon, and sailed through the air, and then landed on the stone floor, all three in wildly different locations. James and I looked at each other and then at the candles, and then broke down in laughter at the ridiculousness of flying candles and at James trying to attack me with a branched candle holder. We kept laughing at what had happened until Filch growled at us to shut it, or he’d “feed us to the Giant Squid.” 

I clutched at the stitch in my side. “God, this is stupid. Why the fuck were we fighting again?” I said, starting on a different candelabra. 

James took his glasses off to wipe them on his shirt and then put them back on his nose. “I don’t even know,” he said, sighing. 

“Look, Remus told me that you’re simply very protective of him, and that you’d come round to me being in on the secret, but he said that at the beginning of September and now we’re in October and nothing’s changed.” 

James looked up at me from his polishing. “Good old Moony, always was the best of us. And I s’ppose he trusts you too, then?” 

I shrugged, meeting his gaze. “He said so, but also that we don’t have any other choice. And honestly, Potter, haven’t I proven by now that his secret’s safe with me?”

James looked at me for a long moment, and then sighed deeply. “I reckon you have, Grindylow,” he said, but the nickname he used for me wasn’t spoken with the usual derision behind it. We continued on with our detention task for a long moment in silence before he spoke again. “He’s right, of course. He’s always been so good at reading Padfoot and I. ’S just hard, you know? We’ve all been there for him for almost our whole time at Hogwarts, and we all know what would happen if word were to get out. Can you really blame us -blame me- for trying to keep him safe from people like those murderous Slytherins?” he said, and we shared a long look. 

“Of course. It’s completely understandable to me. I’d do the same for him if I were you, and I promised this to him and I’ll promise it to you too; I’ll take this to the grave. I mean it.”

James smiled at me, the most genuine smile that I’d received to date from him. “You’d better, or else you’ll have me to answer to,” he said, only waving his current candelabra mildly aggressively at me. 

I grinned. “And if you hurt a single hair on Lily’s head, you can expect a mauling from me in my tiger form.”

James laughed and held up both hands. “Alright, Stripes, point taken.” His face suddenly filled with curiosity. “You mentioned that you became an animagus between fifth and sixth years; was your first transformation at home? But you’re a Muggleborn like Lily, so where’d you go? Did anyone help you? Was it-”

I laughed, cutting him off. “One question at a time, Rotter. I transformed for the first time inside my parents’ house when my family was gone on a day trip. Went smoothly and everything by myself, thank Merlin. Thankfully I had the foresight to strip naked so that none of my clothes would get caught in the transformation.”

James laughed. “Well, our first transformation wasn’t nearly that sexy, but Wormy did very nearly become suffocated by his robes.” We laughed, but Flich gave us a look that could curdle milk, and so we fell silent once more. We had finished our cleaning and polishing of the candle holders, and so I moved onto my mopping and scrubbing down of the tables and benches. Filch was, at least for now, peacefully reading a trashy Muggle tabloid about the Queen’s most recent Silver Jubilee Procession, and so James followed me around as I cleaned the floors. 

“The bizarre nicknames that you use are from your animagi forms, right?” I asked, mopping by the Slytherin table. 

“Yep! Sure are,” James said proudly, staring up at the enchanted ceiling which was showing the night sky. “They’re nice, just another way in which we helped ease Moony’s anxiety around his condition.” 

I snorted. “Typical, making a joke out of a serious problem in his life.” 

James shrugged, looking entirely unabashed. “It really did help him ease up about the whole furry business, you know. That, and knowing that he would always have company.” 

“Does he usually lash out like he did?” 

James frowned to himself, shaking his head. “No, no. But sometimes other full moons are worse than others. He doesn’t know why, it just goes in waves. At least, that’s what he’s said.”

“Maybe it’s the planetary alignment?” I asked. 

“No, don’t even suggest such a thing, Grindylow. He’d be so depressed if he found out that he was a slave to more than one silly floating sky rock.” 

I laughed at James’s description of the moon. “Alright, you won’t hear a thing from me. Poor Moony. I have to admit that it’s a bit intimidating how close knit the four of you are. You’re all such good friends to him . . .” I trailed off wistfully, wishing that I could be part of a tight, fun friend group like the Marauders, or at the very least, that I could be better friends with Em, Tess and Lia. Speaking of which, I had really been neglecting them as of late, what with all the time that I’d been spending either studying with Lily or having sex with Sirius. 

“We’ve become a bit of a five-person friend group, I reckon, since Lily and I started seeing each other,” James said, breaking me out of my train of thought. “So, you really asked her to go dance with me at the party that McGonagall crashed? Why?” 

I laughed, remembering how much had happened at that party. “Yeah, I was very, very drunk and I saw you burning a whole in her back with your eyes. Guess I decided to play matchmaker?” I said, finishing with the mopping and then moving on to the cleaning of the wooden furniture. 

James laughed, pushing his glasses back up his nose from where they’d fallen down to. “Fuck, I guess I have to thank you for that. Evans needed a little push out the door at that party.”

I flashed him a smirk. “Oh, yeah, and you really cranked up the charm with your little kiss in the loo, didn’t you?” 

James’s mouth fell open and he stared at me for a moment. “She told you about that?! Bloody hell!” 

I laughed again. “Of course she did, I’m her confidant. Be careful what you do or say to her, it’ll probably come back to me.” 

He shook his head and ruffled the top of his hair that never could lie flat. He was suddenly struck with a bout of seriousness and he paused with his hand midair, halfway through lowering it from the top of his head. “She hasn’t said anything bad about me, has she? What does she say about me? Does she mention anything from last year or before? Is she-” 

I gave him a wily smile, and I could see why he and Lily worked well together. No wonder their conversations got so animated; the two of them tended to get swept off their feet by their trains of thought. “Don’t you worry, Rotter. I’ve nothing bad to share with you, except that she said that you can still be a bit of an arrogant toerag.” 

A brilliant, face-splitting grin took over James’s face. “Oh, thank Merlin! Well, except for the arrogant toerag thing. But in my defense, I think it’s part of my personality.”

I gasped dramatically, having reached the end of the Great Hall after completing my final task. “You, James Potter, admitting that you have faults?!”

“Shut it, you. You’re nearly as bad as Padfoot,” he said, chuckling. I quickly put the cleaning supplies away and the two of us walked up to Filch, who was surprisingly smiling as he looked at all the pictures of the Queen of England in the tabloid magazine. He started in surprise when we walked up to him, his usual rancid expression covering his face once more when he laid eyes on us. 

The Squib cleared his throat and cast a suspicious look over the Great Hall, and seeing that we had in fact finished, said gruffly, “Get out of here, then, if you’re done with your leisurely punishment.” He yanked our wands out from his pocket and then practically threw them at us, handling them with the utmost revulsion. James and I snatched our wands out of his grasp and then walked out the doors, leaving Filch to stroke a purring Mrs Norris on his lap while he continued to fawn over Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second.

“You know, you’re not actually that bad, Grindylow,” James said as we climbed the magical staircases.

“Just wait til I do something that you don’t like, and then you’ll be swearing up and down that you’d never say anything of the sort, Rotter.” 

James and I went our separate ways once we’d reached the fifth floor, and we flipped each other off jokingly in a parting greeting. As I walked off to the library I had to admit that I didn’t consider James to be so insufferable now; still, Sirius was my favourite Marauder by a longshot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to make up Avery’s first name since there’s no information on what it actually was.


	16. Mutual friends and mutual burdens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve made a playlist of songs on Spotify for this fanfic, if that interests anyone. Just look up I’m a Fiend for You on Spotify and it should come up. It’s a work in progress and I’ll be adding more songs to it as I continue to write the story. Also, for those of you who may be wondering, there will be romance, and Kersti and Sirius will fall in love (and not, say, perpetually remain fuck buddies), but that is going to take a little while to develop as they continue to become closer ;)
> 
> Seventeen by Peach Pit

I spent yet another night in the Forbidden Forest after I had studied in the library, after I had left detention with James. Surprisingly, being on better terms with James had relieved some subconscious tension and stress that I’d been holding on to, and because of this fact and because I had been so sleep deprived that day, as soon as I had curled up in a safe spot in the forest at night, I’d fallen straight asleep, my striped sides rising and falling slowly. I’d had minor flashes of the future throughout my dreams, but they were simply reiterations of full-on Seer dreams that I’d had, lone images shuttering quickly by my mind’s eye: the two letters in my hands; the dark walls of the prison cell in Azkaban; Muggle hunters raising their hunting rifles to take aim at me in my animagus form. Yes, of course they distressed me, but I was also incredibly grateful that I didn’t have any new dreams, that I saw things that were familiar to me. 

Classes passed very smoothly that day compared to yesterday’s events, and James and I were getting along quite well, even amicably. He’d taken to alternating between calling me Stripes and Grindylow, which I saw as a testament to the friendly understanding that we’d reached in our detention the day before. While Sirius acted the same whether his best friend and his  _ lady friend _ were fighting or not, the tenuous peace that James and I had formed certainly seemed to be appreciated by both Lily and Remus. The cease-fire to our butting heads came at a time when I could see that Remus needed it most, as he was looking very sickly and pale because of the impending full moon tonight. 

After my last class of the day, I decided to go outside for a smoke to unwind from the classes that I’d just had, and so I left Herbology, split up from Tess and Lia who went to hang out in the dormitory before dinner, and headed outside to the clocktower courtyard. The fall weather was in full swing and there was a distinct chill that now lingered in the air and in the castle whenever someone would open a door or window to let the breeze in from outside. The courtyard was scattered with leaves from the nearby trees, the sky above an angry mass of dark-grey clouds, gusts of wind dancing through all the open arches in the walls to animate the fallen leaves where they lay. A lone figure was hunched against the cold, sitting on one of the stone benches that was in front of the bubbling fountain, his robes wrapped around him while he tried to read a book. The pages kept fluttering, and he splayed a hand on them to prevent them from turning over, the breeze running its fingers through his brown hair. 

“Hey, stranger,” I said, coming to sit beside Remus. 

He started at my sudden appearance beside him, nearly dropping his book. “Oh, hey, Kersti.”

“Mind if I have a quick smoke?” I said, raising the unstarted joint that I held between my fingers. 

“No, no. . . Go for it,” he said, closing his book. 

I got it lit with my wand and took a drag, shielding the end from going out with my cupped hand. “Whatcha reading?” 

He showed me the cover and said, “A basic guide to apparition and disapparition. Just extra reading to help me with the Ministry of Magic apparition lessons.” 

I nodded and took another hit from my joint as we fell into a good-natured silence for a while. “Do you always get affected like this in the days leading up to a full moon?” 

He jerked his head up to look at me, his face pale and clammy. “Oh, uh. . .”

“The sickly look and everything. Sorry. Didn’t mean it as an insult, it’s just, well, you know. . .”

He chuckled, a smile flitting across his face for the briefest moment before it resumed its sad expression as he stared down at the book in his hands. “Yes, always. Sometimes it’s worse than others, but this full moon it’s the normal level of feeling ill.” 

I took another drag from my blunt. “Potter told me yesterday in detention that the symptoms go in waves, that sometimes they’re worse than others, like when I saw you fighting with them in the forest,” I said, studying his face, even as he refused to meet my eyes. 

He was silent for a little while, and I could tell that he was wrestling internally with the burden of being a werewolf, much the same as I continually wrestled with being a Seer. “I usually don’t lash out like that during full moons. I’m not sure of the cause for the worse ones, I just try to cope with them as they come along and put the pieces back together the morning after.” 

I felt my heart breaking for Remus. I’d seen the state of his body and spirit the day after when I’d gone to visit him in the Hospital Wing, and I couldn’t imagine the pain of having to cope with his transformations every month. On top of that, he had to hide it all from everyone, save the few who knew about his “furry business,” as James had called it. “Does anyone else know besides the boys?” I asked him gently. 

“It’s just them and you who know, and then Dumbledore and McGonagall. You know the Whomping Willow, of course?” I nodded. “Well, Dumbledore had it planted when I came to Hogwarts, because it protects the entrance to a secret tunnel that leads to the Shrieking Shack. In my early years here, I used to be brought there to transform, but I was all alone and so I used to scratch and claw myself, and all the racket and howling that I made was what led to the Shrieking Shack being labelled as haunted. The villagers thought that it was full of vengeful and angry spirits.”

“When did the boys figure out your secret? Or did you tell them?” 

Remus shook his head vigorously. “No, they found out in our second year. And they decided to become animagi for me and. . .” He was silent for a long while and I took another puff of my joint while I waited patiently for him to continue. “I didn’t even ask them to do that for me, they did it of their own accord. And now, I can’t imagine not having them to keep me company during my transformations. I couldn’t’ve asked for more loyal and selfless friends than them. Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail alone have made the full moons bearable for me.”

“And don’t forget the chocolate, Remus,” I said, and he smiled. 

“Yes, how could I forget about my beloved Honeydukes’ chocolate,” he said, chuckling. “I was quite adamant about how much the chocolate helps when you visited me that day.”

“I had my suspicions about how effective sweets are in counteracting the pummelling that you took that night. Scratch that, I still do.” 

Remus laughed. “You saw the difference that it made in me though.” 

I grinned. “Maybe they were laced with something a bit stronger than sugar.”

“Yes, well, Padfoot did keep suggesting that I take a healthy swig of firewhiskey the morning after to help. He still does suggest doing so.” 

We laughed and fell into another peaceful silence. I thought back to that night when I’d been walking through the dark forest, haunted by the dreams that I’d been having; how I’d gone to investigate the racket; and how I’d stepped in to save Sirius’s life, before I’d even known who the animagi and werewolf were in the clearing. 

“I know that I already said this to you,” Remus began, halting my train of thought, “but thank you for intervening.” He looked at me and suddenly furrowed his eyebrows. “Did Padfoot or Prongs ever thank you for what you did?” 

I looked at him, taken aback. “Er. . . no. They never did.” 

Remus scowled to himself. “What idiots. Even I’m dumbfounded sometimes by how much of a pair of tossers those two can be. The least they owe you is a word of thanks.” 

I smiled. “Don’t worry, Remus, I don’t particularly care. But I’m not denying that those two are quite the tossers.” 

“Evans has certainly been helping to rein one of them in,” he said, and we shared a laugh at that. Lily did have that effect on the King of Mischief. “I’m glad that you and Prongs have been on better terms, I won’t lie about that. He’s such a stubborn ass.”

“Well, poor you would know since you’ve had to put up with him for so long. I’ve only been on speaking terms with him since September.” 

Remus smiled again, looking up at the clouds that were continuing to gather en masse above our heads. “That must be why I got the badge. McGonagall and Dumbledore must think that I could exercise a modicum of control over them.”

“How’s that working for you?” 

He gave me a weary look. “What does it look like?” 

“I’m going to hazard a guess and say not well, judging from the doxies that ended up in the Slytherin Common Room and dormitories.”

“See? That’s about how useful my prefect’s title is,” he said, and we had a good laugh. I fell silent as I took a few more hits from the joint in my grasp, watching the wind toss leaves into the air, making the brittle things twirl and chase after each other and then fall back to the ground. If I could, I wished that I could cure Remus of his lycanthropy. He didn’t deserve what he had to put up with because of his curse. But what broke my heart most of all was the sadness that radiated from his very being as he went back to sitting hunched over, staring down as he clutched at his book, his body fraught with tension over the full moon that would rise in such a short time from now. And on top of the pain and terror of his monthly transformations, there was Avery and other Slytherins who held the same views walking around the castle, spouting utter bullshit about how Halfbloods like him were a threat to wizarding society and how they were scum that didn’t deserve to receive a wizarding education. I turned to watch Remus as he stared sadly down at the cobblestones of the courtyard. Even if he had the best of friends to help him through the full moons, there was nothing quite like knowing that you alone suffered from a terrible curse, and that at the end of the day, you were all alone in your torment from which you could not be free. I knew this from experience. In that moment, I wished so desperately that I could tell him that I was a Seer, in order to give him some solidarity and make him see that he was not alone in his suffering. He wasn’t alone in his misery and I knew all too well what it was like to bear the weight of a burden like his, to live a second life in secrecy. 

“It never really gets easier, does it? There’s always that pain underneath it all,” I said in a weak voice. My sadness over being cursed and seeing someone else having to go through something similar to what I did overwhelmed me, blotting out all other feelings. 

Remus turned to stare at me as I kept my gaze fixed ahead, not really seeing what I was staring at, as I was so lost in thought. “It’s so lonely, I know what it’s like. I’d do anything to give it all up, to be a normal witch for once. I’m always running away from what I am, but I can never run fast enough. And it’s only gotten worse. I wish, more than anything else in the world, that it weren’t my burden to bear. It’s. . .” I trailed off.

He was still studying me. “You know, you can tell me what it is. We’re already bound by shared secrets as you said. What’s one more?” 

I turned to him, meeting his kind gaze. I shook my head bitterly as the first rain drops began to fall from the sky, the wind increasing. “No, I can’t. Not now. I’m sorry, Remus. It’s too dangerous,” I said and then got up. “Come on, your book’s going to get rained on.” I tossed my finished joint on the ground and put it out with my toe, and then waited for Remus to get up. He gave me a lingering look, but I couldn’t meet his gentle gaze. We walked in silence back into the castle, so many unsaid things remaining heavily between us as we walked. It was nearly dinner time in the Great Hall, and without saying anything we both started to walk there, both too lost in our sadness and hopelessness about our curses to make conversation. 

We were within sight of the Great Hall when a loud voice broke us both out of our gloomy trances. “Hey! Moony! Where’d you run off to?” Remus and I turned to see Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail walking down the Great Staircase, evidently on their way to dinner themselves. Remus gave them a tight-lipped smile, his face looking quite ashen in the candlelight. “Excited for tonight?” James continued, jumping down to skip the last few steps of the staircase. 

“Show off!” Sirius said, pausing on the sixth step. 

“Padfoot, be careful,” Peter said from beside him. 

“Really, Wormy? Aren’t I always so bloody careful?” Sirius said, wearing his shit-eating grin. I stared at him, smiling despite myself. 

“If you break your leg jumping from that height, just know that I don’t know any healing spells,” I called out to him. 

He grinned down at me. “No confidence in me either, kitten?”

“Nope.”

“Not even a little bit?”

“No way, old man. You’re liable to break a hip from that height.”

He stepped backwards up a step, so that he was on the seventh stair from the bottom. “How about now?”

“Merlin’s beard, you’re going to make him jump all the way from the Gryffindor tower, Stripes,” James said, laughing at Sirius standing there, getting ready to leap all the way down to the bottom. 

“Oh for crying out loud, Padfoot,” Remus said exasperatedly. A group of eight sixth-year girls weaved their way past Sirius and Peter, giggling and staring at the school’s handsome heart-throb being a goofball. A couple of them cast inquisitive and jealous glances at me, seeing me not only standing in the company of James Potter, but also being the focus of Sirius Black’s considerable attention. 

“Dare me to jump from here, Ridgelow?” Sirius said to me, his grey eyes alive with mischief. 

I shrugged and grinned at him. 

“Alright, you made your point, Padfoot. Don’t be all talk and no game,” James said to him. 

“Wish me luck, mate,” Sirius said to Peter, clapping him on the back. Poor Peter’s face drained of all the blood when Sirius’s gesture threatened to make him lose his foothold on the seventh stair. 

“Hey, get out of the way! Yes, you lot! We’re watching a master acrobat here!” James yelled at some second years who walked in front of the bottom of the staircase. “Get a move on, Padfoot, I’m dying of hunger.”

Sirius grinned even wider if that were possible. “If I die, you’re getting my broom, Prongs.”

“Yeah, yeah, hurry it up, mate. Or have you lost your Gryffindor bravery?” James said. “I reckon-”

James didn’t finish his sentence, because at that moment Sirius took a big leap and jumped the six sizable steps down to the bottom of the staircase, his dark hair whooshing out behind him, somehow landing smoothly and in one piece, legs most certainly not broken. He now stood triumphantly at the foot of the stairs in front of James and I. 

“Ha! No confidence in me, huh,” he declared proudly, a silly grin splitting his face. 

“I think you’ve spent so much time on your broom, you’ve inherited some of its powers,” I said. 

“Or maybe you’re actually a bird animagus,” Remus said, sighing. 

Sirius pretended to wipe tears from his eyes. “Stop undermining my moment, Moony and Ridgelow.”

“That was terrific, mate!” James said and the two boys high-fived. “Tomorrow before breakfast I’m jumping from the eighth step.”

“Why put it off til tomorrow? Be my guest,” Sirius said, gesturing to the staircase behind him that he’d just leapt down. 

“No, no, that’s enough, Padfoot. You had your moment,” Remus said, shaking his head. 

“Padfoot, are you alright?” Peter said as he scurried down the stairs and over to the four of us at the bottom. 

Sirius grinned at Peter. “I’m absolutely stupendous, Wormtail. In fact, I feel even better than I did before.” 

“Jesus fucking Christ, we created a monster,” I said to James, rolling my eyes. 

“What’s gotten your panties in a twist? You don’t have to spoil my fun too, love,” Sirius said, pouting at me. 

Remus emphatically cleared his throat. “Alright, yes, moving on. In light of what will be happening tonight, what I want to know is why no one ever thanked Kersti for intervening last time in the forest.”

An awkward silence fell over the group and I scrubbed at my face. 

“Er, uh, well, I guess we never did do that,” James said, pushing his glasses up his nose. 

“That’s because you two didn’t get along,” Peter said. 

“That’s a goddamn understatement if I’ve ever heard one,” I said. 

“Well, we’re on good terms now, aren’t we, Stripes?” James said. “Thank you, then.”

“This really isn’t necessary, I was-” I protested.

“You’re really downplaying what you did, Kersti,” Remus said. “I can’t help but think that it’s extremely rude and very tacky that these two idiots never thanked you for what you did, and that I never made them give you a proper word of thanks until now,” he said, gesturing between James and Sirius. 

“Hey, I’m a very loveable idiot. Plus, I thank Ridgelow in other ways,” Sirius said, throwing me a wink. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sakes,” I muttered, reminded then of how Sirius really could be an arrogant toerag. I looked around the hallway frantically for someone to drag me away from this conversation. I was getting really hangry too. 

“Yeah, I saw that last night with you two, Padfoot. Don’t bring it up again, I’m traumatized from what I saw,” James said. 

Suddenly, I saw Emily walking towards the Great Hall from the Dungeons, clearly coming to dinner from Duelling Club. I saw my opportunity and stepped quickly away from the Marauders when she was passing by us. 

“Hey, Em, let’s go to dinner,” I said, linking my arm with hers and enthusiastically marching off towards the Great Hall. 

She was staring at me in surprise, and then glancing back behind us to where I knew the Marauders were still standing. “What in the hell-”

“Needed a way out of that conversation,” I said as I dragged her into the Great Hall and along to the Ravenclaw table. 

She looked at me, smirking. “Having a little moment there with Sirius Black? Because he’s ogling you from back there with his friends.”

I cleared my throat but didn’t respond, and waved to Tess and Lia who were already sitting down at our House table. Em and I split up and she sat beside Lia, while Tess and I sat on the other side across from them. 

“Look who decided to grace us with her presence!” Tess said sarcastically when I sat down beside her. 

I gave her a withering look. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I said as I served myself some soup. 

“We’ve just been missing you, that’s all,” Lia said, smiling at me. “You’re so often off studying with Lily Evans.” 

“I know, I’m sorry. We just end up studying a lot together for Ancient Runes and other classes,” I said. I saw Emily wave to Riley as he went off to have dinner at the Gryffindor table. 

“It’s not just that, Lia,” Tess said. “When did you start spending so much time with Potter, Black, and Lupin, Kersti? Lia and Em won’t listen to my quidditch rants anymore, and I really need your help with a Potions essay that’s coming up.” 

“If it makes you feel better, it’s mostly because of Evans. They’re always flitting around her and I just end up getting caught up in it.” 

“Oh, really?” Emily drawled. “We can all see that you’ve been on very  _ friendly  _ terms with Sirius Black. Like what was that when you dragged me off to the Great Hall only a moment ago? You were just hanging out with them.” 

“I was talking to Remus and then they bombarded us,” I muttered. 

Tess scoffed. “Yeah, and that explains Black staring at you the whole time outside Defence Against the Dark Arts the other day.” 

“I’m sure that wasn’t-”

“He was really ogling you the other day, Kersti,” Lia said. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s been doing it since Hogsmeade.”

I quickly ate some more soup. 

“What is the deal with you two, anyway?” Tess asked. 

“And don’t tell me that you’re not returning the gesture, Kersti, because that was very flirtatious banter on Monday before Avery went on his blood purism rant,” Lia said, looking at me knowingly. 

“In hindsight, I’m sorry that I ever suggested that you shouldn’t’ve turned him down, Kersti,” Emily said. She got a very devious look on her face as she paused in cutting up her steak and kidney pie. “I think that Sirius Black is a much better match for you.”

“Don’t you three have anything better to talk about than whichever bloke seems to be interested in me right now?” I said, rolling my eyes. 

“No,” Lia and Emily said in unison. 

“And nothing’s more interesting than watching you flirt with the most popular guy in the school,” Tess quipped. 

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “You three already know that he’s for some reason wanting to get into my pants. What more is there to know?” 

“As if that’s the whole picture,” Emily scoffed. “You’ve been returning the gesture. You’re seriously downplaying your interactions with him. So, have you fucked him yet, or what?” 

I sighed and stared at my soup. I didn’t have the energy to talk about this right now, not when I just wanted to have a cat nap and sleep off the lingering sadness from talking with Remus and dwelling on my fate as a Seer. “No,” I lied. I trusted that James wouldn’t go wagging his tongue about Sirius and I, seeing as he’d figured out that we were fucking each other after last night’s sprint from the broom cupboard. I hadn’t yet braced myself for the onslaught that would ensue once word got round to Hogwarts’ female population that Sirius Black had chosen a girl to sleep with a few times in a row. Not that Emily, Lia and Tess would go blabbing about whom I was banging, but we were sitting in a crowded hall with students on all sides, and someone was bound to hear us talking and then start running their mouths about what they’d overheard. 

“Are you hanging out with his friends on purpose to try to convince him that you’re girlfriend material?” Lia asked. 

I laughed so hard that I wheezed, and it took me a minute to stop. “Jesus fucking Christ, that’s about as likely as me failing my Care of Magical Creatures NEWT.”

Lia laughed too. “Just double checking. I’d hate for you to have your heart smashed to smithereens like those cringy sixth years who accept his sexual advances and interest in order to convince him to go exclusive with them.”

“Over my dead body am I becoming one of  _ those _ girls, Lia.” We all laughed at that and then went back to eating our dinner, and thankfully the girls moved on from interrogating me about why Sirius was always devouring me with his eyes and onto talking about the quidditch match tomorrow. I finished my soup and was feeling so tired that I excused myself from dinner early and left the Great Hall while everyone was still eating. I ignored Avery gawking at me from the Slytherin table as I got up, as well as the girls who were staring at me because I had recently been seen associating with James Potter and Sirius Black. I went up to the Ravenclaw dormitory, laid my full book bag on the armchair near my four poster bed, got changed into my pyjamas and fell asleep not long after my head hit the pillow. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Jesus fucking Christ, why is it so crowded in here today?” I said as I squeezed by a rather portly lady who was examining the display of spiked bludgers in the corner. I’d never seen Quality Quidditch Supplies this crowded before, but then again I wasn’t in the habit of frequenting the quidditch aficionado’s store in Diagon Alley.

The store was every bit as realistic in this dream as it was in real life, when I’d gone there in second year to buy my used broom. I was seeing the dream this time through my future self’s eyes, and it was such a vivid dream that I was practically experiencing it in real life. The only thing that stopped me from seeing the dream scene around me as real life was that my mind was that of present-day me, and my mind was trapped in its current vessel as it navigated the future; I was locked in my future self’s body, feeling the emotions that I would feel, seeing what I would see, doing what I would do. 

“What about these?” I turned to see Sirius eyeing a rack of Golden Snitches nearby. 

“But he’s too young, he’d have to grow into those. Don’t we want something that he can enjoy right away?” I said. 

Sirius lifted his gaze to look at me. He didn’t look very different from the Sirius that I knew right now, save he looked like he had filled out and grown even more into his body. He was every bit as handsome as he was now, his hair still wavy and brushing against his shoulders. But what shocked me was how he was looking at me. Sirius smiled, the fondness in his grey eyes unmistakable. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said and came to stand with me as we scanned the quidditch store. 

“Robes are too boring,” I said as some miniature quidditch robes caught my eye. “Those would definitely fit him, but what one-year-old wants clothes?” 

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh. “Too adult. Merlin, why is this making me feel like an old bugger?”

I smiled up at him. “If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t been a one-year-old in a long time.”

Sirius smiled and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, hugging me to him. “Not in twenty years.”

“Soon to be twenty-one for you, old man,” I said, poking him in the chest. 

He looked down at me, smiling. “I thought that you would forget about that, but you never have. When we’re on our deathbeds are you going to start calling me ‘young man?’”

I laughed and stepped out from his embrace to peruse a rack of quidditch-themed stationary. “Maybe. I wouldn’t put it past myself.” 

Sirius laughed and went to look at the rack of quidditch strategy books next to me. I looked at him, my future-self’s heart swelling with fondness as he became engrossed in the book that he was flipping through. I continued walking through the store, nothing really catching my eye. I saw Sirius leave the bookshelf and follow me as we scanned all the quidditch-themed things that we could buy, and I had stopped to look at some of the quidditch starter kits when I heard Sirius calling my name. 

“Kersti, come here. I think I’ve found the perfect gift,” Sirius said, standing by the broom section of the store. I walked over to him, but instead of considering the full-sized brooms like I thought he would be, he was looking at a rack of miniatures. They were tiny brooms, clearly meant to be suitable as a child’s first, and when Sirius took one off the rack it only floated two feet above the ground. 

Sirius was grinning and looked up from the toy broom to meet my gaze. “What do you think? D’you think Lily will kill me? I know Prongs will love it, but I don’t fancy pissing Lily off with his first birthday gift from us,” he said. 

I smiled at him, shaking my head. “No, I think Lily will love it. And since it’s a gift from me too, she won’t go as hard on us if she gets huffy about it.”

Sirius laughed. “Right, because you’re the responsible one of us.”

“I think it’s what Lily tries to tell herself when she thinks about how they chose the both of us to be his godparents.”

“Oh, so poor baby Harry doesn’t have two rubbish godparents, he only has one according to Lily?” 

I laughed. “Dunno, you should ask her when we give them the gift. I did tell her that she must have gone mad to choose me.” 

Sirius picked the toy broom up again and hugged me to his chest with his spare arm. “No, I think it’s because she saw how attached at the hip we are.” 

I wrapped my arms around him, leaning into his chest, his familiar smell wrapping around me as his chest rumbled with laughter. 

  
  
  
  
  


My body spasmed and I woke up from the dream in the darkness of the Ravenclaw dormitory, the curtains still drawn and everything the same as when I’d collapsed onto my bed after dinner. I blinked slowly, the dream still lingering over me like dust that had been disturbed and was still slowly settling. In the back of my head, a headache began pulsing, moving towards the front of my head and to my temples, and I preemptively drew back the bed curtains and navigated the dark room to the attached bathroom, Lia’s faint snoring carrying across the room. Closing the bathroom door, I sat down next to the toilet, clutching at my head and screwing my eyes closed as the headache began pulsing all over my head. For once, this had been a happy dream, but all I felt about it was bitterness. It left with me more questions than answers, and I was angry that I had been teased with such a cheerful glimpse of the future when my present reality couldn’t be farther from what I’d seen in the dream. My head gave an almighty twinge and I quickly stuck my head over the toilet bowl as I began to vomit violently. 

As the pain of my headache faded, the retching stopped and I stood up to wash my mouth and face in the sink. My face was white and clammy as it usually was after I had one of my vomiting sessions, and my dark eyes stood out against the paleness of my skin. I knew that I had just seen a part of my future through my future self’s eyes, but that was the only aspect of the dream that wasn’t utterly confusing to me. What haunted me of course was that it had been Sirius with me in the dream, albeit an older version of him. He had been twenty-one in the dream, and so had I, and the tender way that he’d looked at me and hugged me to him was unrecognizable from how he treated me right now. Had we been dating in the dream? There was a fond rapport and familiarity to the way that we’d talked and interacted in the dream that made me think that in that future, we were dating. And not only that, but we were both so close to James and Lily, who had a child named Harry together, that they had chosen us to be his godparents. This dream had been in the vein of the premonition that I’d had during Potions class with Lily, but with that premonition I hadn’t known that Sirius and I together would be godparents to Lily and James’s child. But what pained me was that I was so far away from that point in time that I had no idea how Sirius and I could ever possibly get to that stage where we had been in the dream. I couldn’t see how things might fall into place to create a happy future like the one in the dream, not when the pieces of the puzzle were scattered so far and wide at the present moment. 

And though of course I wanted a happy relationship in the future, did I myself want it to be with Sirius? I couldn’t imagine what would have to happen for Sirius to become a man who settled down with one woman, given that he was such a player at the present time, and right now the prospect of having a monogamous relationship with him in the future was laughable. Sure, I’d gone leaps and bounds towards knowing him better since the beginning of this year, but since when did that guarantee that I’d eventually settle down with him? To make matters worse, I didn’t even know him that well in the present anyway. In the dream, he’d mentioned us being together on our deathbeds, as if it were a given that we’d be permanent fixtures in each other’s lives. How? How could so much change in that period of time to bring us that close together? And what would have to happen to make us care for each other in that way? Once again, I cursed my gift of Sight, for showing me a useless glimpse of the future that left me bitter, angry and confused.

I went back out into the darkness of the dormitory and grabbed a joint from my bedside table, and then cracked one of the windows open as I sat in the deep window ledge. I lit the joint wandlessly and let the smoke from the end out into the night air. The full moon shone down over the Hogwarts grounds, illuminating the dark roofs of the castle with its serene glow. Somewhere out there, possibly even in the Forbidden Forest, were James, Sirius, Remus and Peter running around in their animal forms. Somewhere out there, they were having a blast and enjoying their freedom, while I sat here in the window ledge smoking a joint, haunted by a scene from a future that I couldn’t reconcile with my wildly different present. I hit my joint slowly several times, holding in the smoke as long as I could before exhaling it out the window in a steady stream. Somewhere out there, having the best of times with his three friends, was seventeen-year-old Sirius, who was only slightly dissimilar from the twenty-one-year-old Sirius whom I’d seen in my dream. I took a long time to finish my joint as I stared out into the night sky, tracking the movement of the clouds, before I tossed the finished butt out the window. With the October night air cooling the sheen of sweat on my skin, I curled my knees to my chest and I cried. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


I hadn’t gone back to sleep again in the night, too terrified of what I might see if I let sleep drag me down into its depths again, and instead I’d cried for a long time and then watched the sun rise and turn the sky pink with its brilliant light. I’d decided then to try my best to forget about the dream, and to block it out of my memory. It would be no use thinking about it. I’d gotten dressed, grabbed my school things, and then headed down to the kitchens at half past seven to ask the house elves for an early breakfast, which I’d eaten alone in the corridor next to the portrait of the pear. When I was sure that all the students would be ensconced in their breakfasts, I headed back up the stairs to the Hospital Wing. I wasn’t thinking straight that morning after the tormenting dream that I’d had, and so I hadn’t listened outside the door to hear if anyone had been moving about inside, and I merely opened the door a crack and slipped in. I looked up when I got into the room, only to see Madam Pomfrey wrapping a battered Remus Lupin in bandages on a bed near the windows. She looked up from her wrapping when she heard the door open and was startled when she saw me staring blankly back at her, my exhausted brain trying to catch up with the mistake that I’d just made in intruding. 

She straightened up very quickly and blocked Remus from view with her body. “This is a restricted area, absolutely no entering. Get out now!” she said very quickly. 

“I, er, I’m sorry, I . . .” 

“Don’t worry, Madam Pomfrey, Kersti knows about me,” I heard Remus say from behind his shield. 

She gave me a long, hard look and then snapped at me to close the door quickly and went back to bandaging Remus. I shut the door, looking up to see Remus smiling at me from his position propped up among all the pillows on the bed. “Don’t linger in the doorway like a stranger,” he said. 

I reluctantly walked over to where he was lying in the bed. The matron gave me a look, gathering her supplies back up. “I’ve finished treating him, but he is to be getting rest right now. Don’t keep him talking too long, or I will have to ask you to leave. He needs his rest,” she said to me, and then swept off to her office. 

“What are you doing here, Kersti?” Remus said, looking at me. My eyes took in his appearance, noting that he looked to be in so much better shape than after having been pummelled by me in my tiger form. 

I shrugged. “I wanted to see how you were doing after the full moon.” I raised my fingers to rub at my eyes that burnt from both the crying and the lack of sleep. 

“This is the shape that I’m usually in after full moons, not when you saw me in here last.” He smiled at me but all I could offer him was a grimace, followed by a prodigious yawn. “I think you need the rest, not me.”

I chuckled. “Maybe.” 

Remus was looking at me curiously, as was his habit. “Are you alright? You’re not ill, are you?” 

“No, why?” 

“Your eyes are really puffy and red.” 

I turned to the mirror beside his bed and examined my eyes, which were exactly as Remus as had said they were. I usually performed a simple spell to counteract such effects if I ended up crying a lot or staying up all night, and so I did that quickly. 

“Better?” I asked, turning back to him. 

He nodded. “You got here before they did, they usually come check on me even if I’m asleep before they go to their first class of the day,” Remus said softly, yawning widely. 

“The boys visit you in the morning?” 

He nodded again. I sat down quietly in the visitor’s chair beside his bed, curling my knees up to my chest. Suddenly, a wave of tiredness overwhelmed me, and before I could question my confused brain’s decision, I rested my cheek on my knees and closed my eyes. 

“G’night, Remus,” I mumbled. 

“G’night, Kersti. Don’t sleep there too long or you’ll get kicked out,” he muttered, and then turned over onto his side, his back to me, and settled in to sleep. I felt my consciousness slipping away, and I was powerless to stop it. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“No, I don’t know why. You wake her up, Padfoot. She’s bound to claw me if I do it.”

“Alright, here goes nothing, Prongs.” 

I dimly registered the voices before I felt someone gripping my shoulder and trying to wake me up. “Love, wake up.”

I swatted at them without lifting my head. “No, go away,” I mumbled. 

“You’re going to end up getting kicked out of here anyway, love,” Sirius said and shook my shoulder. I raised my head and rubbed at my eyes. Sirius was there, crouching in front of my chair, face inches from mine, and I was startled by how close those beautiful grey eyes of his were to me, how I could reach out and touch his face so easily as he watched me blink slowly. The dream that I’d had came rushing to the forefront of my mind, and I frowned to myself, trying to shove it back into the box where I’d placed it in the farthest corner of my mind. Sirius stood up and stepped back, and I got up from the chair, grabbing my book bag from where I’d left it on the ground. 

“God, I need caffeine. Fuck me,” I muttered, walking past Sirius, James and Peter towards the door. I heard them following me, and then we were all standing out in the hallway outside the infirmary’s double doors, Peter having closed the doors behind us. 

“See? I didn’t claw anyone,” I muttered, scrubbing my face with my hands. A stress headache was beginning to build and I could feel the knots in my shoulders and neck as well. 

“A noble improvement, Stripes,” James said sarcastically. 

“What were you visiting Moony for this morning, love?” Sirius asked me. 

“I felt bad for him. We were talking about the upcoming full moon and his condition yesterday. We’d just come from talking in the courtyard when you had your moment with the stairs,” I said. 

Sirius grinned at the memory of his majestic leap from the seventh step, but then his expression became sombre. “Prongs, you never did jump from the eighth step this morning.” 

James looked taken aback. “Oh, shit, you’re right. Fuck.” 

“D’you have to jump down the stairs? Makes me think someone’s going to break their neck,” Peter said, chewing on a fingernail. 

James clapped him on the back, grinning. “Have a little more of the Gryffindor courage, Wormy.” 

“See, the problem is that you two have too much,” I said, raising my eyebrows at the two boys. I would’ve added ‘and Peter doesn’t have enough,’ but that seemed too snide of a remark. 

Sirius scoffed. “No such thing as too much, kitten.”

“Really? Well, when you break both your old geezer legs by jumping down the whole flight of stairs, then I’m positive that you’ll be singing a different tune.” 

Sirius cringed at the thought. “Merlin, don’t make me visualise that. No one fancies imagining themselves breaking both their legs.”

“Which is why I don’t think you should do it, Prongs.” 

“Wormy, the team morale is slipping!”

“Morale?” 

“Yes! You’re undermining mine and Padfoot’s competition!” 

I rolled my eyes as the three of them started bickering. “Alright, I’ll be Remus today and tell you all to shut your fucking yaps and get going, because we’re going to miss Transfiguration at this rate.”

“Hey, Remus is much nicer than that,” James protested. 

“And he hasn’t got such a potty mouth,” Sirius said, winking at me. “Not that I’m complaining about yours.” 

“You seem to be the only one who appreciates my foul mouth, old man. Why’s that?” 

Sirius shrugged, smirking at me. I laughed to myself and turned away from the three boys, heading off to Transfiguration before they could make me late. They followed behind me, and unfortunately Peter mentioned quidditch in passing, which set James and Sirius off on a vicious debate about the quidditch match scheduled for later that day. Sirius seemed to have the utmost confidence that the Slytherin team was terrible and could be beaten by anyone, while James was very adamant that the Slytherins were better than that, if only the slightest bit. I tuned them out the same way that I tuned Tess out when she got on one of her quidditch rants, and soon enough we were arriving outside the Transfiguration classroom. Our odd group had been attracting stares all throughout the castle. I was being glared at for the usual reasons in relation to the two boys who trailed me, while James and Sirius were attracting more gawking than usual because of the ferocity with which they were discussing quidditch. As usual when James and Sirius were seen together, no one paid much attention to little Peter who followed in the shadow of his boisterous friends. 

We were some of the last students to show up to Transfiguration, but thankfully no one had been let into the class yet and the other seventh years were still waiting in the corridor. 

“What?! That’d be bloody impossible! Have you seen how their Seeker flies?”

“It’s no reason to get sloppy and too relaxed, Padfoot,” James said, as he and Sirius continued with their ardent quidditch debate. 

“Oh, come off it, Prongs. I could catch the Snitch faster even if I were blindfolded,” Sirius said. I rolled my eyes and kept walking, making a beeline for Lily, who was reading a book by herself against the wall. 

“Fine, then next practice we’ll all be blindfolded.”

“Hey, no, that’s different. I do the whole quidditch team a valuable service. You lot are all liable to get knocked unconscious by a bludger without me,” Sirius said, indignant at James’s suggestion. 

“What, so you’re admitting that you couldn’t hit a bludger blindfolded?” James said. 

“Don’t insult me, Prongs. Of course I could.” 

“Oh, really? How much would you be willing to bet on that?”

“Twenty galleons.”

“You’re on, mate.”

By this time I had reached Lily, who looked up at our arrival. A most perplexed but highly amused expression took over her face when she saw the four of us. “Are you playing babysitter this morning, Kersti?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at the three boys behind me. 

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Where’s Remus?” she asked. 

“He’s visiting his aunt in London, she’s very ill right now,” James said abruptly as we stood together in a circle outside of the class. I could feel the stupid stares from the other girls in the corridor on me, and I could see Avery out of the corner of my eye. He was fuming at me, not doing a very good job of paying attention to the Slytherin girl who was trying to talk with him, seeing as he was too busy staring at me standing next to Sirius. 

“Oh, that’s too bad. Please tell him that I hope she feels better,” Lily said, stowing the book she had been reading into her bag. “What were you two debating so animatedly on the way here?” she asked James, smiling at him. 

“Oh, god, don’t even ask,” I muttered. 

“Quidditch, my dear Lily-of-the-Valley. Since there’s the match between Ravenclaw and Slytherin this afternoon,” James said, reaching out to hold her hand in his as they stood together. 

Lily blushed at his gesture, looking at him shyly, even as he stared brazenly at her. “Oh, I, er, wasn’t aware that there was a match today.”

“Well, I was actually, er. . . I was going to ask if you’d like to, er . . . come with me to it?” James said hesitantly, his previous bold attitude gone. 

Lily smiled up at him. “Yes, that would be lovely, James.” 

Sirius and I smirked at each other. “You’re not going to ask me to go to the match with you, are you old man? Because then I’d have to run to the nearest loo. I think I’d hurl from the sappiness,” I said, wiggling my eyebrows at him. 

He let out a bark of laughter. “I prefer to cut to the chase.” He leaned in close to speak softly in my ear. “Fancy ditching the match with me? The dormitory will be empty.” He leaned back out of my space, flashing me a grin.

I returned his grin, my body breaking out in tingles as I stared back at him. “Sounds like a plan, old man.” 

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t you remember what happened last time when you wouldn’t quit calling me that?” 

“You call me nicknames but I can’t do the same to you, old man?” 

“It’s different, though. D’you want me to call you old lady?”

“That’s different, old man. I’m not born in 1959 like you,” I protested, a taunting grin on my face. 

Sirius huffed. “It’s not my fault that I was born a few months earlier than Prongs.” 

James looked up from his conversation that he’d been having with Lily. “Someone say my name?” 

“We were just talking about how Sirius is an ancient artifact because-”

Sirius abruptly started tickling me again, making me dissolve into laughter. “I warned you, kitten. Can’t leave well enough alone,” Sirius said, overpowering me with his superior height, even as I tried to get away. 

James coughed very pointedly and loudly, making Sirius cease his attack on me with his fingers. Lily was smiling at me knowingly, looking at Sirius and I standing together. “Stop it, you two. We’re all going to make poor Peter feel left out,” she said. 

Peter jerked his head up from chewing at his fingernails beside James. “Huh? What?” He looked surprised that he had even been included in the conversation, and I realized that he perhaps wouldn’t be overly fond of either Lily or I because we tended to consume all of James’s and Sirius’s attention, respectively. Well, for now I happened to be capable of keeping Sirius’s attention, but Peter would probably be happy when I got tossed by the wayside when Sirius would get tired of fucking me and move on to more exciting prospects. 

“Nevermind, doesn’t matter,” Lily said, waving her hand. I watched as McGonagall appeared and strode down the hallway amongst the groups of students. 

“Come on, students, hurry up. We’ve got a lot to cover in today’s lesson,” she said, making us all obediently fall in behind her. Lily and I opted to sit together, the boys taking up their usual spot in the desk beside ours, but this time they managed to cram Peter in between the two of them, as they weren’t their usual group of four. Peter looked out of place like that, short and blond in between the looming, dark-haired figures of James and Sirius, who were trying to make each other sneeze by rubbing their quills on each others’ faces. Peter was ducking his head as James and Sirius’s arms and elbows threatened to hit him in the face with their tomfoolery.

Lily and I were laughing as we watched them being a pair of doofuses. “God, James can be such a child,” Lily said, smiling despite herself. 

“Tell me about it.”

Lily raised an eyebrow at me. “Don’t act like you’re better than that, or have you forgotten about the incident that earned you both detention on Wednesday?” 

“I’m sorry about that, are you still mad at me?” 

Lily smirked, nudging me with her elbow. “Of course not, I’m just teasing you. It was a bit  _ amusing _ , I do have to admit.”

“Really?” 

“Only the slightest bit, though.” We watched as Sirius turned his efforts to Peter, who sneezed almost immediately after Sirius put the feather under his nose. Lily’s demeanor suddenly shifted, and she lowered her voice to whisper to me as McGonagall called for silence so she could begin the lesson. “Oh, I forgot to mention it to you yesterday, but I bought some of the Polyjuice Potion from Slughorn after class.” 

I grinned. “So we’re still alright for tomorrow? To execute the plan?” 

She smiled at me, dipping the end of her quill in her ink pot to begin taking notes. “Yes. Where should we meet?” 

“How about somewhere near the Gryffindor tower? Do you know how long the potion will last?” I whispered back. 

“Yes, how about Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom? No one ever goes in there unless they’re desperate, so we’re sure to have privacy. And Slughorn said the effects should last around five hours. But we should probably drink the potion and switch our clothes and all that before the boys get up, so that way it’s seamless and they won’t become suspicious if we disappear to the loo for an hour together.”

I cast a look over to the other desk, where James was bugging Peter as McGonagall talked, while Sirius was leaning all the way back in his seat, hands behind his head and looking very bored. “Sounds like a plan, Lily. How early do we need to be there?” 

Lily smiled to herself. “Well, that’s the easy part. I’ve yet to see the Marauders get up before 11 o’clock on a weekend.” 

I snorted and glanced at Sirius, who noticed me looking at him and gave me a smug grin. “Well, how about we say 10 o’clock? To be safe.”

Lily and I exchanged a smirk. “10 o’clock it is then.” We silently high-fived when McGonagall still had her back to us, and I was already looking forward to not only getting a better idea of the sort of tracking device that we were up against, but also to getting revenge on James for the shit that he had pulled on me a few days ago in class.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The rest of the day passed quickly enough, and clearly it wasn’t just me who was excited for the trick that we were going to pull on the boys tomorrow, as Lily was looking quite animated after our discussion. I chalked it up to her being eager to find out more about the tracking device that the boys were using to find us wherever we hid in the castle, as I was obviously the one who had the vendetta against James, and not her. There was a definite note of competitiveness in the air though, accompanied by quidditch nerds like James and Tess ranting non-stop to anyone who would listen about whom they thought would win today’s match, to the point where even our Ministry of Magic Apparition instructor commented on it. Instead of taking my usual nap after Apparition, I went and hid in a deep corner of the library, as that way I wouldn’t have to answer Emily or Lia’s questions about why I wasn’t heading down from the dormitory with them to watch Tess play. They couldn’t very well ask me any questions if I weren’t there and if they couldn’t find me anywhere. I just hoped that they’d forget about me being absent at the quidditch match. 

I made great progress after Apparition on my assignments as I sat scribbling away in an isolated corner of the library, and having finished my schoolwork, I moved onto poring over dusty tomes about wandless magic. The blood purism incident with Avery on Monday had only fuelled my desire to master wandless magic, as I needed every trick in the book to defend myself from him and the other Slytherins who would hunt me down once they found out about my blood status. I might be safe from their “special Dark-Arts attentions” right now, but it was only a matter of time before word got out about my family. Well, I had been trying to read one of the books about wandless spells, but at some point I’d laid my cheek on the open pages to close my eyes briefly, and I’d promptly fallen asleep. Typical me. 

“Merlin’s beard, you’re always falling asleep, aren’t you, kitten?” Sirius said. 

I stirred from my snooze, raising my head to see him standing there next to my chair, smirking at me. I offered him a lazy grin, rubbing my eyes to clear the sleep from them, before taking a moment to admire his handsome figure. “Sure am, old man.” 

“You sure you can handle being fucked right now? You might fall asleep on me,” Sirius said, chuckling. 

“Y’sure  _ you _ can handle being fucked? You might have a heart attack in the middle of it,” I said, flashing him a grin as I gathered my school things back up. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sakes,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I’d better get you up to the dormitory right now so I can show you how youthful I am,” he said, inching even closer to me, his nearness making warmth spread through my body. 

I laughed, hiking the strap of my now-full book bag up my shoulder. “Famous last words, old geezer. Are those grey hairs on the side of your head?” I said, pretending to scrutinize the hair that framed his perfect face as he stood in front of me, less than a foot away.

Sirius stared at me for a moment, mouth agape. “You take that back, or else I’m going to start calling you Grindylow like Prongs. I’m really starting to see why you earned that nickname.” 

“As long as I get to keep calling you ‘old man,’ then you can call me whatever the fuck you want,  _ old geezer _ .”

“I’ll get you for that, kitten,” Sirius said, and tried to make a grab for me, but I dodged him and ran away laughing, until I nearly ran into a group of second years blocking one of the aisles. They took one look at Sirius and I having to slide to a stop to avoid running into them and dispersed. I led the way out of the library, and Sirius walked behind me, poking me in the sides with his fingers as I tried to swat him away unsuccessfully. 

“You play dirty, kitten.”

“Stop poking me, old man,” I said, trying to make a swipe at him. He dodged easily, offering me a shit-eating grin. 

“Stop calling me old man, then. You’ve brought this upon yourself, Kersti.”

I grinned back at him as he dodged another one of my retaliating swipes. “Going for the first name now, old man?” 

Sirius repaid me for using the nickname by tickling me in earnest this time, and I very nearly dropped my book bag because of his attack on my exposed sides. 

“Okay, fine, I’ll stop with the ‘old man’ for now,” I got out as I laughed and tried to squirm away from him. “We’ll never make it up to the dormitory before the quidditch match is over at this rate.” It was true, as we had barely made it to the end of the fifth-floor corridor. 

He grinned at me and pushed a strand of dark hair out of his face. “Alright, kitten. Get a move on then,” he said, nodding ahead of us. I shoved him playfully and then we set off, heading up to the Gryffindor tower. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to see the quidditch match?” I asked absentmindedly as we climbed some more magical stairs. 

Sirius turned his head to look at me, grinning. “Why would I show up when I could be fucking you? That’s much more fun, love. It’s not like Gryffindor is playing, and I already know that Slytherin will lose; they’re piss poor this year.” 

I laughed. “So confident.”

“It’s taken you this long to realize that? Seems like you’re getting slow on the uptake, love.”

It was my turn to look at him, mouth agape. Sirius laughed at my surprised expression and leapt away from me when I tried to make a swipe at him. “Don’t you dare insult my intelligence, Sirius Black. I’m a Ravenclaw, for crying out loud!”

He ran away from me laughing, and I tried to keep up, but I was no match for his long legs. “‘My name’s Kersti Ridgelow and I’m a Ravenclaw. Don’t insult my intelligence,’” he teased, imitating me in his best high-pitched girly voice. 

“Hey, I’ll get you for that, old man!” 

I chased Sirius all the way up to the Gryffindor tower, and thankfully there were only a few groups of younger students in the Common Room who didn’t pay us much attention anyway. Sirius and I bounded up the stairs, laughing and jostling each other. My abdomen hurt from laughing so much and I thought that my face was going to get stuck in its current grinning expression if I kept this up for much longer. Once we were in the Marauders’ dormitory, I chucked my bag onto the trunk at the foot of his bed and sat down on the edge of the bed, pausing to tie my hair up in a ponytail. I kicked off my school shoes as I watched Sirius cast a few charms to muffle any sound, as well as to prevent anyone from opening the door. God, he really was too handsome for his own good. I smiled as I watched him, his lean frame hidden from me by the white uniform shirt and black trousers. When he turned away from casting the charms to prevent us from being rudely interrupted, I slid my outer robes from my shoulders, grinning at him. 

“Get over here, old man.”

He let out a bark of laughter and walked over to sit next to me on the edge of his bed, smirking at me ogling him. “So demanding today, kitten.”

Before he could add another smart comment, I sank a hand into his dark locks and pulled his mouth to meet mine. He was still smirking against my mouth, but I put that to a stop when I took the lead, prodding his mouth open with my tongue. I dimly registered him laying a warm hand on my thigh, but I could barely concentrate on both taking the lead and on trying to predict what he was getting up to while I moved my tongue against his, my tongue reaching out to explore the inside of his mouth. I raised my other hand to lay it against his cheek, deepening the kiss even more. He let me take the lead, only moving his tongue against mine a little as his hand started inching up my thigh. I was concentrating so hard on dominating our kiss that I gasped in surprise as I felt his fingers brush against my panties. I parted my legs for him, letting him take the lead with my body while I wrestled his tongue into submission. As I ran my tongue along the inside of his lower lip, he retaliated by pressing against my clit through my panties. He broke away from me, grinning, and then grasped the waistband of my underwear in his fingers and began dragging it down my legs. I pushed his hands away and he flashed me a confused look. 

“It’s faster if I do it, old man.”

Sirius chuckled and began undressing himself, kicking off his shoes first and then wrestling with his tie, while I pulled off my panties and tights and started on the buttons of my shirt. 

“You’re right, you are faster at that than I am,” he said, halfway through unbuttoning his uniform shirt. 

“You sound surprised,” I said, chuckling as I finished with my shirt and then chucked it over to where my book bag was lying. I undid my bra and then pounced on him, grabbing his lips again in a kiss as he finished with the last buttons of his shirt, his trousers somehow already off. I helped him slide it from his body, my hands caressing over his shoulders and biceps. He broke away, admiring how flushed I already was as I sat next to him, naked except for my uniform skirt. 

“You missed one,” he said, chuckling and pushing me back onto the bed and then hovering over me as he helped me shimmy out of the skirt. When the skirt had been thrown onto the ground, he came back to me and the feeling of his naked body pressing down into mine made me groan in satisfaction. All along my body, wherever he laid with his skin touching mine, was aflame. I was burning up and I felt like there was electricity coursing through me as I wrapped my legs around his waist, anchoring his hips to mine. 

“Oh, god,” I moaned and he smiled, dipping his head to kiss me again. This time he took the lead, and I sighed into his mouth when I felt his erection pressing insistently against my inner thigh, demanding to be tended to. I reached down between our bodies and ran a cursory finger along my slit, gasping at how I was practically dripping onto his sheets. I wrapped my hand around his erection and he cursed into my mouth.

“Fuck,” Sirius said and stilled my hand. 

I broke our lips apart to look at him. “Don’t you want a blowjob?”

He grinned, grey eyes studying my wet lips and red cheeks. “Not right now.” 

Sirius lowered his head once again and brought our mouths together, holding himself up over me with a forearm by my head, while his other hand dived down to touch my cunt. My body jerked involuntarily when he ran a finger along my slit. 

“Bloody hell, you’re soaking wet,” he chuckled, pausing our kiss again. 

I smirked at him. “I don’t think I need to be eaten out today, or else I might cum too fast.”

He grinned even wider, the smug wanker. “If you so insist, kitten. D’you wanna get on your hands and knees for me?” 

I chuckled, raising my head to leave a few sloppy kisses at the juncture between his neck and shoulder, before he pulled away to let me get positioned in front of him. 

“We must be always having sex in doggy style because you’re a dog,” I said, on my hands and knees in front of him. I heard his snort of laughter, but it was silent for a long moment after that, and I turned my head, wondering what he was doing back there where I couldn’t see him. I saw him kneeling there behind me, his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter as his hands covered his face. He lowered his hands, revealing his handsome face that was split from ear to ear by a grin, his grey eyes twinkling. 

He laughed, shaking his head ruefully. “Merlin’s beard, Kersti, you’re going to make me lose my hard-on with your jokes.” 

“Oh,” I said, laughing too. “I thought it was something serious.”

“It is serious! And it’s Sirius!” he said, staring at me incredulously, clearly disturbed that I considered this to be a laughing matter. “This is my hard-on that we’re talking about! How am I supposed to fuck you with a limp cock?”

I started laughing so hard that I wheezed, resting my head between my forearms that were propping up my upper body on the mattress. I kept on laughing until a brusque nip to my earlobe dragged my attention back to him, and I raised myself so that I was once more on my hands and knees. I moaned as he planted open-mouth kisses along the side and back of my neck, his hair brushing against my back. He leaned forward to support himself with a hand on the bed, and I could feel him guiding his cock into me. 

“Ahhhh, fuck,” I cursed as he slid all the way inside me and then reached a hand under my body to hold one of my breasts that were hanging down. He started to work up a rhythm, dragging his lips and tongue over my shoulder, up my neck and to my cheek. My eyes fell closed as he thrust faster, making me moan out. Sirius kept kissing along my neck and cheek, his breathing coming faster and faster against my skin. 

“I like this because I can get so much deeper-ohhh fuck,” he groaned in my ear. 

“So I am right? It’s because -ahhh, fuck- you’re a dog?” I got out between panting breaths. 

Mouth trailing down my neck and then leaning his head on my shoulder, he angled himself so he could get deeper and his hand that had been holding my breast dropped to rub my clit quickly. “Clearly I’m not fuckkkk- fucking you hard enough. You’re still talking, love.”

“So are you- oh my god, Sirius. Right there, ohhhhhhh,” I said, an obscene moan overtaking my abilities of speech. 

He chuckled into my skin and left another series of sloppy kisses along my shoulders, and then rubbed my clit faster. Soon enough, I felt my walls clenching around him and then my orgasm overtook me, leaving my limbs like jelly as he continued to thrust into me and rub my clit through my climax. He came soon after, some choice words falling from his mouth. He leaned his forehead against my back, his hair tickling me, as we caught our breath, and then eventually he slipped from me and we untangled our limbs. I turned and laid on my back on his bed, looking up at the maroon curtains of his four-poster bed. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him get comfortable, sitting propped against the headboard with a pillow behind his back, his long legs stretched out next to my torso

“Why d’you keep refusing a blowjob? You don’t trust my teeth that close to your cock?” I said, giggling. 

I heard Sirius let out a bark of laughter. “It’s because I’d finish too fast. Afterall, I’ve never spent a whole month trying to convince a girl to fuck me. All that build up and teasing really does me in.”

I rolled onto my stomach to look at him, raising an eyebrow. “I take it you don’t regret spending a month of your precious time to seduce me?” 

Sirius grinned at me, running a hand through his hair. “Of course not. I meant it when I wrote the note to ‘the most incredibly sexy Kersti Ridgelow.’”

I laughed. “Well, even I know that a month must be a new personal record for you, old man.”

He rolled his eyes at me using the nickname again, but laughed and grinned back at me despite himself. “So far it’s been more than worth it.” 

I laughed again and scooted over to the side of the bed to retrieve my outer robes, where I knew that I had a few joints stashed in a hidden inner pocket that I’d added to the uniform. I dug through it and extracted two joints. “You want one?” I said, holding them up to Sirius. 

“Sure.” I handed one joint to him and then stuck the other in my mouth, and then Sirius lit the ends of both with his wand, which he then returned to his bedside table. I lay back on the bed again next to his legs, and we hit our joints in silence for a few minutes. I savoured the burning of the smoke in my lungs for as long as I could hold it in, and then released it in a slow stream, where it gathered with the smoke from Sirius’s lungs in a cloud above the bed. 

“Why’d you make an exception to fucking blokes at Hogwarts for me?” Sirius asked, and I turned my head to look at him. “Nevermind.” He took another hit from his joint. “I mean, it’s me we’re talking about and-” 

I grabbed a pillow from beside him and threw it at him. He laughed as he deflected the flying pillow with a hand. 

“Don’t flatter yourself, old man. I was -and am- really horny, and you were flirting with me already. You seemed like the ideal and most convenient candidate.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows at me. “Most convenient? Merlin, you’re cold, kitten.”

I shifted on the bed so I could poke him in the side of his leg with my toes. “Nope, just taking your ego down a few pegs.” 

“Yeah, without my permission! Give me my ego back,” he said, and put his half-finished joint on his bedside table and then crawled over to me. 

I lay there exposed, laughing. “Don’t you fucking dare tickle me again, Sirius Black,” I said, trying to wriggle away, but he was faster and pounced on me, beginning to tickle me relentlessly. 

“Stop, Sirius! You’ll make me drop my joint and-” I broke down in laughter as he leaned over me, grinning at me suffering his tickle-torture. “I’ll light your bed on fire! I’m being serious!”

“So am I, love.”

“You wanna try tickling a tiger? The claws are coming out in three . . . two . . . one . . .”

He leaned back, looking pleased at the wheezing, coughing mess that he’d reduced me to. “Alright, see? No more tickling. Can’t have you disfiguring my beautiful face,” he said, laughing. I shoved him away playfully, both of us grinning from ear to ear. God, we were really quite ridiculous when we hung out together like this. We finished our joints in silence for a few minutes, and then I got up to toss mine out the window again and slip back into my robes. Sirius got up and went into the attached bathroom, and I used the opportunity to slip out the door, shutting it behind me and then padding silently down the steps. The four or five students in the Common Room paid me no mind, and so I made my way through the foreign territory and out the portrait hole, dashing down the hallway and around a corner before the fat lady could notice me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got out of my control and became about twice as long as I anticipated. Oops.


	17. The Polyjuice Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who wanted an AU fanfic, there’s good news! I’ve decided to write an AU ending for this where Sirius lives, and I’ll be posting that. I’ll write the original, tragic ending that I had planned out for the story, and I can post that too. I may potentially not post the tragic, canon-compliant ending, as there’s not really a point to posting it, except if there are any of you who really want to see all the loose ends get tied up in a version that’s canon-compliant. Either way, there’s a very long way to go before I even get to writing that part of the story. I also am fairly certain that this will have to be divided into a multi-part fanfiction, as there is a huge amount of material for me to cover and currently, at chapter 17, we’re only halfway through October of 1977. In particular, once the Marauders, Lily and Kersti come back to Hogwarts after the winter break, shit starts hitting the fan ;)  
> Also, Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom is supposed to be on the second floor, but I changed it for this fanfic so that it is on a higher floor. I chose to stick with the descriptions of the bathroom from The Chamber of Secrets book, and not how the bathroom was shown in the movies. Anyway. Enough about bathrooms.

I had gone to hide in the library yet again after I had left Sirius’s dormitory, and thankfully I’d made it inside the front doors before the swarms of quidditch fans had started tramping into the castle from the pitch. I’d snuck into my dormitory late at night, after Tess, Emily and Lia were asleep, tiptoeing past their sleeping and snoring forms in their beds and then leaving again in the morning before them. I arrived first to Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom, and since I was early I sat down on one of the stone benches along the corridor wall, balancing my open book on my bent knees. I was still reading the book that Lily had gotten me in Hogsmeade:  _ Potions and Other Compounds that Might Prevent, Induce or Alter a Seer’s Abilities; A Revised Fifth Edition _ . To my disappointment, all of the potions and compounds and other things that the author suggested using were all composed of very exotic materials, which either Slughorn had none of, or if he did have them, they were most likely in very limited quantities, and thus it would be immediately evident that someone had stolen from the supply. Just my luck. 

“Good morning, Kersti.”

I looked up to see Lily standing in front of me, her thick hair tucked behind her ears as usual. I returned her smile and stood up, brushing my robes off. 

“Look what I was reading,” I said, showing her the book. 

She smiled. “I take it that it was a worthwhile gift?”

“Of course! Are you really sure that I don’t owe you anything for it?” 

Lily shook her head and smiled. “Of course not.” She suddenly got a mischievous look on her face and rubbed her hands together, imitating a super villain who was plotting someone’s demise. “Come on, let’s get this plan started. We don’t want to risk them waking up before we’ve switched appearances.” 

I pretended to cackle evilly, which made Lily laugh as we walked into Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom. It was the worst bathroom by far at Hogwarts, not least because of the dreary, annoying ghost that haunted it. There was a badly cracked and filthy mirror which spanned the long length of one wall, under which there was a row of grimy sinks. All the green paint on the lavatory doors and walls was flaking off and the toilets themselves were sure to be in bad states of disrepair, not that I was about to peek my head in to look. 

“Jesus Christ!” I said, nearly stepping in a large puddle on the floor of the bathroom. “God, what is that smell?” 

Lily was wrinkling her nose and fanning the air in front of her. “Oh, god. It doesn’t usually smell this bad in here. I wonder if Myrtle blocked one of the toilets?” She stepped gingerly around the puddle that I’d nearly waded into, heading for a stone bench that was along one of the walls. 

“This is my first time in here and I do have to say, I wasn’t missing much all those years.”

Lily grimaced as we sat down. “As you can imagine, I’ve had to go in here several times for situations that had to be resolved by a prefect. I can’t say that I’ve missed this place.”

“Poor you, I-”

Suddenly, I was cut off by a long, drawn-out moan that was growing louder as it went on. Lily and I exchanged a pained look, moments before Moaning Myrtle herself came floating up out of one of the lavatories where she’d been brooding. 

“What are you two doing in my bathroom?” she drawled, scowling at us. I felt bad for her, as she was squat and pimply and not good-looking at all, not to mention that her personality was dreadful. 

“Hello, Myrtle. We’re just using your bathroom briefly and then we’ll be out of your hair, we promise,” Lily said, smiling up at her. God, how was she even dating Rotter? I was continually shocked by how much nicer she was than that wanker. Even though James and I were on better terms, I still largely considered him to be annoying as hell. 

Myrtle’s face screwed up in a sour expression, but she didn’t say anything and instead floated overhead and went to lounge on the ledge of the round, stained-glass window. I watched her, while she pretended that she wasn’t observing us, as Lily withdrew the Polyjuice potion in a flask, and the two cups that she’d stuffed in her book bag. The ghost let out a long, drawn out sigh, which Lily and I ignored. 

“Alright, let’s use hair for these, which really is standard procedure, in fact,” Lily said, concentrating as she poured equal portions of the potion into the two cups. 

“Shouldn’t we switch uniforms first?”

Lily looked up in surprise. “Oh, yes. We might as well get that out of the way.”

I smiled and was about to say something when another long, dramatic sigh from Myrtle cut me off. 

Lily rolled her eyes and smiled at me sympathetically. “Should I brave the loo?” she said, glancing warily at the stalls nearby. 

I cringed. “No, why don’t we just look away while we both change out here? Because over my dead body am I going into one of those toilet stalls.” 

“Yes, alright, that makes sense. I-”

“Oh, poor me,” Moaning Myrtle said in a drawn-out groan. 

I was about to open my mouth to tell the ghost to bugger off, but Lily shook her head at me in warning. I bit my tongue. It was the ghost’s bathroom after all, and we couldn’t afford to piss her off when we needed a private venue like this. Lily touched my arm briefly in sympathy before she started removing her outer robes, and I followed suit. 

“Oh, poor Moaning Myrtle,” the ghost said as we undressed. “Why’d I have to be born with such bad looks? If I were good-looking like  _ you two _ ,” she said, with particular venom on the last two words, “then I’m sure that James Potter would notice me.”

I snorted with laughter as Lily and I switched robes. “James Potter, Myrtle?” I said. “You fancy that tosser?” 

The ghost gave me a caustic look from her perch. “What, are you going to call me ugly too? It’s not like I haven’t heard it in all my years haunting this bathroom.”

“No, I was just surprised that you fancied  _ him _ , that’s all.”

Myrtle scoffed at me and crossed her arms, pouting like a child. “Of course I do. He’s so handsome. Maybe if I weren’t a ghost I could run my hands through his luscious hair.”

Lily and I snorted with suppressed laughter and quickly coughed several times to hide it. Laughing at Myrtle would only make her angry with us, I was sure, and I didn’t want her to try to chase Lily and I out when we were half-in and half-out of each other’s robes. 

Myrtle rolled around mid-air to lie on her stomach, kicking her heels back and forth in the air. “We both have glasses, you know. And we have the same eye shape and skin tone. Well, I used to have the same skin tone as him, when I was alive. I think that we rather have a lot in common. He’s so dreamy.” She paused here to stare off into space, a hideous smile on her face. “I wonder what he smells like? Us ghosts can’t smell unfortunately. But I’ve seen him in the Prefects’ bath this year. That was enjoyable.”

Mine and Lily’s shoulders were shaking hard with silent laughter, and tears were gathering in the corner of my eyes. Poor James, being ogled without his consent by a ghost in the bath. Thankfully we had finished getting changed into each other’s clothes, though I elected to leave Lily’s shoes off until after the potion had taken effect, as they were too small for me. Lily had her hands covering her face in an effort to contain the laughter that was threatening to bubble up out of her. 

I coughed several times, trying to rein in my giggles. “You know, Mertie, I think Potter has his eye set on someone,” I said. 

Myrtle shot straight up into a standing position. “What?!”

“Oh, yes.”

Myrtle looked downright livid. “I’ll find out who it is, mark my words. She thinks she can take my James away from me . . .”

I turned to Lily as Myrtle went off on a long tirade against whoever would dare date James Potter. Lily was sitting on the bench, now in my uniform, bent over in silenced hysterical laughter. 

“Oh, god, Kersti. What have you done?” she said, and we descended into a fit of giggles. 

Moaning Myrtle zoomed down from the window to float in front of us. “You’re not laughing at me, are you? You’re in my bathroom, laughing at me, while I’m trying to-”

“No, no, we’re not laughing at you Myrtle,” Lily said, smiling at her. The ghost narrowed her eyes at Lily, but after a moment she moved away to float above the row of toilet stalls. She was clearly lonely and was desperate for someone to talk to, as she kept on grousing to us even after our laughter. 

“If my James Potter does have his sights set on some girl, I think I’d be so sad that I’d die.”

“Don’t you fancy any other blokes at Hogwarts, Myrtle?” I asked. 

She sighed again. “Oh, no, not really. Sirius Black is rather good-looking too, but he doesn’t hold a candle to my James.”

Lily and I looked at each other and another repressed wave of giggles swept over us. I went back over to sit next to Lily again, as I had been standing near the sinks while I was changing. Her uniform was several inches too short in multiple places, most notably the hem of the skirt, the shirtsleeves, and the outer robes, as I was five-foot six, while she was five-foot three. Her uniform shirt was stretched tight over my shoulders, but because Lily’s bust was bigger than mine, the tightness around my shoulders was oddly combined with too much space in the chest. Meanwhile, she had too much extra space in my robes, and she had to roll the cuffs of my shirt up to her elbows so they wouldn’t drag in the potion. 

“Alright, I’ll need one of your hairs, I’ve already put mine in your potion,” she said, shoving the shirtsleeves up her arms again. 

I sat down next to Lily and plucked a hair from my head, and then added it to her cup. The potion to which Lily had added her hair was a brilliant yellow colour, like that of buttercups, with a water-like consistency. As soon as I added my hair to her cup, the potion turned a fiery-red colour and began bubbling away like a fizzy drink. 

“Is it trying to say something about my personality?” I asked, raising my eyebrows at the spitting potion in the cup that would make Lily assume my appearance. 

“That’s how it works, actually. It’s supposed to reflect the nature of the person after you add their hair. Some even say that it reflects the essence of that person.” Lily handed me the cup with her hair in it, and I gave the golden liquid a cursory glance. 

“I feel bad for you, I think this one will be quite pleasant,” I said, sniffing the liquid suspiciously. 

Lily chuckled and tucked some hair behind her ears. She raised her cup. “A toast? Here’s to discovering more about how Potter and Black always manage to track us down.”

Chuckling, I clinked my cup against hers and then we both raised the potions to our mouths. I was right, and the potion with Lily’s hair in it was amazingly pleasant. It tasted sweet, but not overly so, and it warmed me as it slid down my throat, but neither did it burn me like drinking firewhiskey. Lily, on the other hand, fell into a coughing fit and struggled to finish the potion. 

“Oh, god, it burns! My throat is on fire!” she said, and downed the rest of the potion before running over to the sinks to drink directly from the tap. Moaning Myrtle was still floating above the row of toilets, and she was staring at us as we drank the potion, jealousy written in her features. 

“Had enough of being your good-looking, attractive selves? It’s not like either of you will be turning into someone ugly like me. I reckon you two would have been the kinds of girls to bully me when I was in school,” she said. 

I couldn’t reply to her accusation, as at that moment my insides started writhing as the potion took effect. I bent over to clutch my head in my hands as a fierce burning spread all over my body, and then I watched as the hands before me started shrinking and changing shape, the tightness of my shirt reducing and my legs growing shorter. Lily had her hands braced on either side of one of the sink bowls, watching her face in the mirror as her hair lengthened, the strands springing into ringlets. She clenched her teeth as her body started growing taller and slimmer, the roundness in her face disappearing. I went back to clutching my head as a brutal wave of nausea passed over me, threatening to make my stomach regurgitate the potion that was affecting me so. 

After several minutes of gripping my head in my hands, I looked up and was met with a most curious sight: there, standing in front of the cracked and dirty mirror, was someone else with my body. Lily, disguised as me, was leaning her face into the mirror, touching her new features in awe. I was so used to seeing my own body and face in mirrors as a mere reflection that it was so bizarre to see me in the flesh like this, from the perspective of an outsider. I stared at my body, with its wavy auburn hair and slim form. I vaguely remembered how I hadn’t yet put on Lily’s shoes, and so I slipped my now-small feet into them and stood up shakily. I walked over to Lily and started violently at myself in the mirror; there was Lily Evans’s body staring back at me. I now had her straight, copper-red hair, with the pretty green eyes in a round and warm face. 

“Jesus fucking Christ,” I muttered, watching myself form the words in the mirror. I giggled at the strangeness of watching curse words come out of Lily Evans’s mouth. 

“Oh, my god,” Lily-turned-me said, and we pivoted to stare at each other. My face stared back at me, and I was immediately struck by the haughty look that it seemed to assume when it was unsmiling, the cheeks thin. I reached out to touch my face that Lily was wearing, poking at the cheekbones. 

“Oh, my god. This is what I look like,” I said, but in Lily’s voice. “Jesus Christ, I’m so thin,” I muttered, leaning back to give my body a once-over. All the after-dream vomiting sessions and appetite-reducing nerves must have affected me more than I had noticed, as I noted how my body was slim with smaller breasts and bony wrists. Lily looked down at herself in my body, running her hands down the front of her uniform. 

“Oh, my god,” she said again, and looked up. I was taken aback by looking myself in the face in person, and not in the reflection of a mirror like I usually did. Lily took a step closer to study her body, which I was now wearing. “This is me. This is what I look like,” she whispered in my gravelly voice, her eyes travelling over her body from head to toe. I turned to look at myself in the mirror, leaning in close to examine my pink lips and noticeable freckles, running my fingers through my thick and straight hair. Lily went back to staring at her reflection, mouth agape, turning her head from side to side slowly as she admired the profile of my face. 

“Congratulations,” Myrtle said snidely from above the bathroom stalls. “You two now look like each other, just as attractive as you were before.”

Lily and I ignored Myrtle and turned back to each other, and I was once again taken aback by seeing my body facing me. “Lily, you’re so beautiful,” I said. 

She snorted and raised an eyebrow at me, and I was startled by watching my own face make such expressions. “You’re talking about yourself, Kersti.”

“No! I meant your body!” I said, looking down at Lily’s body. “God, I’d kill to have your chest and ass and face. You’re a goddess, Lily Evans,” I said, turning from side to side and jutting a leg out in a pose in front of the mirror. 

Lily was staring at me, blushing, which was a very uncommon thing for my face to be doing. “Really?” she said quietly. 

“Of course! I can see why a certain King of Mischief is completely enamoured with you. You’re gorgeous.”

She looked at me for a long moment, before she assumed a very sneaky look. I stared back at Lily in my body, realizing that this must be one of the expressions that I kept flashing to Sirius. “Speaking of boys, Black is quite  _ handsy  _ with you, wouldn’t you say?” she said, raising an eyebrow. 

I shrugged and stared at myself in the mirror. “Comes with the territory of casually fucking each other.” The vulgar language that I used sounded most unnatural in Lily’s voice.

Lily smiled with my face, and I had to admit that the smile certainly wiped the cold look right off it, which it tended to have otherwise. “I knew it! When did you start having your rolls in the hay with him?” 

“Monday, actually. So not that long,” I said, smiling at the memory of when I’d first slept with Sirius. 

Lily elbowed me playfully in the side. “You must be enjoying yourself with him, you’re smiling.”

“Maybe,” I said, smirking and nudging her right back, but I grew serious when a thought occurred to me. “Fair warning, he may very well try to  _ proposition _ you today in my body. I would keep him at arm’s length if I were you. And you don’t have to worry about your beau, since I can’t go near him without retching.”

Lily’s mouth was open in surprise. “Oh, you’re right. I completely forgot about that. Let’s just hope that they aren’t feeling too. . . er. . .  _ desirous _ today.”

We both laughed, while Myrtle huffed and started muttering angrily about how some people were too good-looking for their own good. We grabbed our bags, not bothering to switch those, and obviously we kept our proper wands, as we certainly couldn’t switch those; my wand was far too finicky for someone else. We took another moment to stare at our changed appearances, laughing and poking and prodding at each other’s faces, before we headed out of the bathroom, leaving Myrtle to mope over James Potter. 

“Where should we go? I reckon we should stay far apart in the castle so that they come looking for us separately, that way we’ll be sure that we’ve tricked their tracking  _ thing _ into telling them that we’re each other,” I said as we stood outside the entrance to Myrtle’s bathroom. We could still hear the ghost griping about her lack of good looks from out here. 

Lily looked up from examining my red waves which she was currently sporting. “Oh, er, why doesn’t one of us go to the library, and the other to the Great Hall?”

I grinned at her. “Alright, I’ll go to the library, then.” 

Lily nodded and paused for a moment, thinking about something. “The effects should last for around five hours, like I said, but what if they come find us right away?” She frowned, looking worried. “How am I supposed to pretend to be you for that long?” 

“Don’t pretend, then. Just linger long enough to make completely sure that they and their tracking device were tricked into thinking that you are me, and then run away.”

“Run away?”

“Unless you fancy sticking around and trying to curse like a sailor and say other things that I would, then I’d suggest that. Just come find me in the library and we can hide in the Ravenclaw Common Room, and switch back in my dormitory.” 

Lily laughed as she considered what I was saying. “That sounds manageable. And you can’t swear, or else you’ll give yourself away immediately.” 

“I’ll try my best.”

Waving to each other, we parted ways, and I headed for the library while Lily went on her way to the Great Hall, both of us lying in wait for the boys. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Unfortunately for Lily and I, not one of the Marauders emerged as soon as we would have liked, and as time passed I grew more and more anxious, wondering when they were going to drag their lazy carcasses out of bed. Surprisingly, the Marauders were still absent when we went down to lunch. We regrouped over our meal in the Great Hall, careful to stay hidden from anyone who knew us, as we were unprepared to act like each other and we had been hoping that we would have run into the Marauders at this point and then we would have spent the rest of the time that we were disguised as each other in the Ravenclaw Common Room, waiting for the effects of the potion to wear off. As it stood, we’d give each other away easily if Tess, Emily and Lia, or Mary and Marlene, were to come talk to who they thought was Kersti or Lily. The only thing that had happened by the time it was lunch was that Lily and I had gotten a tremendous amount of homework done, which also would have been nicer to work on together. Alas, that would defeat the purpose of taking the potion and of our scheme in the first place. The only hiccup in the plan had occurred when a prefect had spotted me in the hallway on the way to the library, shortly after Lily and I had parted ways by Myrtle’s bathroom. The confused prefect had asked me some technical question about the prefects’ patrol schedule for this coming week, to which I’d said that she should go ask Potter about it because I didn’t know the answer, and then I’d run away down the corridor before she’d had a chance to question me further. At lunch, Lily and I had agreed to meet up outside Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom once more at quarter to three if we had still not encountered the boys, so that we could switch our robes again when the potion had worn off at three o’clock and mourn the failure of our plan together.

It was about an hour until the potion was due to wear off, and I was back in the library at a table near the entrance, scratching my head over a nasty bit of Ancient Runes homework that I wished that Lily were here to help me with. It was always better doing translations with her, as two heads were really better than one when it came to Ancient Runes. Just my luck, that I ended up being the one that the Marauders got to first. 

“My beautiful Lily-flower!” 

My stomach sank into my shoes. I took a moment to compose myself before I looked up to the source of the voice. There was James walking towards who he thought was Lily. He had an irritating spring to his step, his hair looking like he’d just gotten off his broom after a quidditch match. He pushed his glasses up his nose and I tried my best to not roll his eyes when he reached a hand up to ruffle his hair even more than it already was. He pulled out a chair to sit next to me, staring at me the whole time. I had to remind myself that he thought that I was Lily.

“Good afternoon, my beautiful Lily,” James said, smiling at me. 

I cleared my throat and gave him a pinched smile. “Hello, James. Where have you been all day?” 

James grinned back at me, looking every bit the lovesick idiot that he was. “Sorry, Lily, I was sleeping. Stayed up late last night with the boys, we just finished raiding the kitchens since we missed lunch.” He straightened up suddenly. “Were you missing me? I saw you when I was passing by the library and I wanted to come see you.” 

I frowned, trying not to clutch my quill in a death grip. “Er, uh . . . I was just wondering where you were, that’s all.” 

James grinned even wider, staring at me. “It’s alright, Lily. You can admit that you were missing me,” he said and reached for my left hand that was resting on the table beside him. 

“Ah!” I squeaked involuntarily, jerking my hand out of his reach. I thought that I was going to be sick if I had to hold hands with James. There was no way in hell that I was going to be that dedicated to our plan, and I’d rather have it be ruined than have to hold hands with that wanker. 

“What’s wrong, Lily?” he said, studying me worriedly. “I’m sorry. Am I making you uncomfortable?” 

I cleared my throat and forced myself to look James in the eye. “Sorry, James, I guess I’m just, er . . . nervous today.” 

He smiled softly at me. I had to hand it to him, he was a lot nicer and tolerable to Lily than he was to almost everyone else, me included. I reckoned that this is what she’d been talking about when she’d said that he’d matured this year, as he was now treating her nicely in order to charm her, and not running around hexing his victims to try to impress her, as if that would have ever made her give him a chance. “It’s okay, my dear Lily. I just . . . er . . . well, you see . . .” He paused to nervously push his glasses back up his nose. “I really do like holding hands with you, but only if you’re comfortable with it.” 

I tried to smile at James, but my skin was crawling at potentially having to hold hands with him, and so it came out as a pained grimace. 

“Are you quite alright?” he said, leaning closer to look at me. 

I jerked my body back and tried not to cringe in disgust at being in such close proximity to him. “Yes! Yes, I’m fine!” I said in a cheery voice. 

James was studying me, looking unusually thoughtful. Finding nothing out of the ordinary, he shifted in his seat and then grinned at me. “I really enjoyed going to the quidditch match with you yesterday, my beautiful Lily-flower. You’ll come to see the next one, won’t you? It’ll be Gryffindor playing.” He flashed me puppy-dog eyes and looked at me expectantly. “I know that you aren’t the biggest fan of quidditch, but it would mean a lot to me if you would come. Of course, you can say no, I just thought-”

“Yes, yes, alright, Ro- James. I’ll come,” I said, smiling at him.

He shot up straight in his seat like he had been electrocuted. “You will?! Really?!”

“Yes, but keep your voice down, for fu- goodness’s sakes! You’ll get us kicked out.”

“Oh, right, er, sorry.” He grinned like a simpleton at me. God, how did Lily even find him attractive? “I’ll make sure that I’m playing my best for you, my lovely Lily-of-the-Valley,” he said. He reached for my hand once again and I jerked it away violently, causing me to knock over the ink pot and spill ink all over my Ancient Runes essay. 

“Fuck,” I muttered before I could stop myself. 

James sat stock-still in his chair, staring at me. “What did you just say?”

“Fudge! Fudge! Oh, darn,” I said quickly and pulled my wand out of my pocket to revert the damage. “See? No harm done,” I said, smiling and turning to James after I had undone the spill. 

James was staring at me, mouth agape. “Are you ill, Lily? You’re acting really strange today.”

“No, no, I’m just fine, James, I-”

“Prongs.” 

James and I turned to see Sirius, who had walked up to James and I sitting at the table. I did my best to not stare at him, which was very difficult as he looked particularly fuckable today. His hair was mussed and framed his face, his robes askew, his hands in his pockets. 

“Oh, hello, Padfoot. What are you doing here?” James said, pushing his glasses up his nose. 

“Evans.” He said, nodding at me. I gave him a small smile. “Where’s Ridgelow?”

I shrugged. “Dunno.”

James was frowning and furrowing his eyebrows. “Not here, obviously.”

“Are you sure you haven’t seen her?” he said. 

“No, she was never here,” I said quickly. 

“Why’d you come here if she’s clearly not here, Padfoot?” James asked, raising an eyebrow at his best friend. “Unless she’s hiding in between the bookshelves, she’s not with us.”

Sirius frowned at James. “I checked it before I left, you idiot. I saw her name here on it.”

James and Sirius stared at each other for a moment, and then slowly, in an almost comical way, James turned back in his seat to look at me. My stomach seized in nervousness as he sat there staring at me for a long moment, and so was Sirius, their eyebrows furrowed. I saw James’s eyes dart from my face, to my robes, to my Ancient Runes book, to my wand which I’d placed on the table between me and James. James stared at my wand for a moment and then he suddenly pushed back his chair and leapt out of it away from me. 

“Bloody hell!” he said, staring at me. 

My heart raced and I tried to offer him the most nonchalant smile that I could muster. “What are you doing, James?”

Sirius and James were staring at me, and James’s mouth was opening and closing silently like a fish. Before I could react, he reached a long arm over and snatched my wand from where it had been resting on the table. I stood up from my chair, staring at James holding my wand in his greasy paws. 

“What are you doing,” I hissed, eyeing my wand. Fucking Rotter, not keeping his hands off other people’s belongings. 

The two boys stood staring at me, not saying anything. Sirius was scanning me from head to toe. The longer James held my wand, the more angry I got, my skin crawling in revulsion at someone else handling it. 

“Give me my fucking wand back, Rotter,” I snarled at him, my anger rolling over me like a wave, making my body tense. 

“Bloody hell! It is her!” he said, frozen and staring at me like a deer in the headlights. 

On the other hand, Sirius’s somber expression was wiped completely from his face by the widest shit-eating grin that I’d ever seen. He let out a bark-like laugh, eyes twinkling as he studied me. “Better pack up your books, kitten.”

I frowned. “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about, Black.”

Sirius shook his head, his grin getting wider if that were possible. “I guess I shouldn’t’ve put something like this past you, kitten. We won’t be staying here for much longer, not when we need to find your accomplice.”

James was still staring at me, mouth hanging open. “You’d better close your mouth before you swallow a fly, Potter,” I snapped, resisting the urge to leap over there and claw my wand out of his grasp. 

“Why? Why would my beautiful Lily do this to me?” James spluttered. 

“Ahem.” 

The three of us turned to see a cantankerous Madam Pince frowning at us, arms crossed over the front of her robes. “Get out. You three have been creating nothing but noise since you’ve been in here. I would have thought that you of all people would know how to behave in a library, Miss Evans,” she said, glaring daggers at me. 

Sirius offered her a charming smile. “We were just leaving in fact. Come on, Prongs. Time to find her partner in crime,” he said, waving his wand and making my books return themselves to my bag. I grabbed my bag and Sirius grinned at me, before he and James seized me each by an arm and began half-dragging me out of the library. 

“Get your paws off me,” I snarled, trying to wrest my arm from James’s grasp. 

Sirius laughed. “I’ve done much more to you than hold your arm, love. Why so nervous now?” 

I turned my head to look at him, meeting his gaze. I sighed and rolled my eyes. “No use pretending now, I s’ppose?” 

“None at all, kitten,” Sirius said, a smirk playing on his lips.

“You’re awfully sharp on the uptake, old man. How’d you figure out that it was the Polyjuice potion so fast?”

“Takes one to know one. It’s from pulling years worth of pranks myself.”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “You’re bad news, Sirius Black.” 

“And don’t you ever forget it, kitten,” he said, and threw me a wink and a charming smile

“Hey, Padfoot, stop flirting with what looks to be my girlfriend, you dog,” James grumbled, shooting daggers at his best friend over my head. 

“Well, clearly I’m not your girlfriend, so why the fuck does it matter, Rotter?” 

James stared at me as they man-handled me out the library doors, dumbfounded by hearing such swearing spoken in Lily’s voice. Sirius chuckled. “She does have a point, Prongs.”

“But it looks like Lily! And she’s got Lily’s voice! It’s just bloody  _ unnatural _ .”

“It’ll wear off soon anyway, then you can have your precious Lilykins back,” I muttered as we paused next to the library entrance. 

James couldn’t seem to get over the fact that he was watching someone else operate his Lilykins’s body, as he was still staring at me, while Sirius was looking off into the distance, thinking about something. “How much longer before this wears off, kitten?” he asked me. 

I checked my watch. “Only half an hour left. We thought that you four would’ve been out of bed earlier, we didn’t realize how lazy you all are.”

Sirius chuckled while James huffed. “Why would my kind Lily do this to me? It’s just bloody unnatural,” he muttered again. 

“What on earth are you doing, Prongs and Padfoot?” Remus said. I looked up to see him walking down the corridor with Peter, evidently on their own way to the library, and he was looking from his two friends to me squashed in between them, his face the picture of confusion. 

“Moony, thank Merlin! We are in desperate need of your help,” James said frantically. 

Remus and Peter came to a stop in front of the three of us. Remus was frowning at the boys, and I started chuckling at the weird picture that the three of us would be, with James and Sirius still holding me captive by an arm each. 

“What’s going on?” Peter said. 

“You’ll see soon enough, Wormtail. Moony, can you go find Ridgelow? Or whoever looks to be her,” Sirius said to Remus. 

“What? What do you mean, ‘whoever looks to-’” 

“She’ll be in the Great Hall. Actually, you might even meet her on her way up,” I said. 

“What on earth is-”

“Can you please go get her, Moony?” James asked. “Please. It’s urgent.”

Remus frowned at him for a long moment. “Fine. Where am I supposed to bring her?”

“The empty classroom on the sixth floor. You know, the one where we convinced Peeves to throw the dungbombs at Filch?” Sirius said. 

I started laughing. “How’d you pull that off, old man?” I said, grinning at Sirius. 

“Easy peasy, kitten. He wanted to bother Filch, we just provided the ammunition,” he said. 

Remus did a double take and looked at me closely. “What in Merlin’s name . . .” he said, trailing off as he stared at me like I had just grown horns. 

“Moony! Please, just go find Grindylow,” James said. “I’m begging you, I’ll buy you all the Honeydukes chocolates that you want next Hogsmeade trip if you leave and go get Grindylow right now.”

Remus smirked at James. “Alright, alright. We have a deal, Prongs.” He gave me a last look. “Don’t think that I’ll forget your promise, Prongs. Come on, Wormtail,” he said, smiling one last time and walking off, a most perplexed Peter trailing him. Peter kept glancing back at me, James and Sirius as he followed Remus, making him nearly collide with some students in the corridor. Sirius and James started off down the corridor in the opposite direction, no longer holding me by the arms but making it very clear that I wouldn’t be able to run away. 

“Can I have my goddamn wand back, Rotter?” I said. “I can’t stand other people handling it.”

James scoffed. “No. Absolutely not. You and Lily will be explaining yourselves before you get your wand back.”

“Fuck you.”

He raised a hand to cover his eyes. “Fuck, I can’t stand to see my beautiful Lily cursing like this. It’s just bloody disgusting.” 

“I think what’s  _ bloody disgusting _ is that you were trying to hold my hand before you found out that I’m not Lily.”

Sirius burst out laughing, and we had to stop in the middle of the hallway because he was doubled over in hysterics. 

“Oh, yes, it’s all so bloody funny,” James snapped. 

Sirius was still laughing, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. He finally straightened up, wiping the tears away and grinning at James. “Merlin, I would’ve paid to see that, Prongs. Fancy holding hands with Grindylow, do you?”

“Shut up, Padfoot,” he said. “What if you had walked by the Great Hall and had seen Grindylow sitting there? You would’ve molested my poor Lily-flower.”

“Molested?!”

“Yes, my poor Lily would’ve had to fend off your advances.”

“I would’ve figured out what was going on before I tried to hold her hand, Prongs.”

“To be fair, I had the easier time of it,” I said. “I only had to stop cursing and be nice to you, Rotter. Lily would’ve had to be saying all sorts of profanities to pretend to be me, and you know that she never would’ve been capable of doing that.”

“Shut up, Grindylow. Don’t make me hex you with your own damn wand.”

“You couldn’t cast anything with it if you tried, asshole.”

“Oh, really? I think that I most certainly could, prick.” 

Sirius laughed, shaking his head. “Moony will be there before us at this rate.”

“Fuck you, Rotter,” I said, flipping him off with both fingers. 

James raised an eyebrow at my enthusiastic action and gestured for me to keep walking with his wand, which he was pointing at me to ensure that I wouldn’t run off on them. Eventually, we made it to the sixth-floor classroom that Sirius had mentioned, and I could already hear voices coming from it as James, Sirius and I approached it. 

“ . . . and then you add the splash of cowbane, Peter. But remember that you have to shake the rat spleen before you add it, or else the whole potion will go wrong,” I heard Lily saying in my voice, and then James and Sirius were nudging me through the doorway of the empty classroom. Lily, in my body, was standing in the room, talking to Peter about Potions class, while Remus was observing them, arms crossed and frowning at Lily-turned-me. 

Lily looked up and smiled at me, looking guilty. I stared for a moment at my smiling face, noting how the smile softened my features. “I’m sorry, Kersti, I really blew it this time. I just can’t spout profanities like you.” She furrowed her eyebrows when she saw James and Sirius entering behind me, with James pointing his wand at me still. “Hi, James.”

James looked horrified at seeing Lily in my body and hearing her using my voice to address him so fondly. “No, don’t do that, Lily, I’m sorry. It’s just too weird, too. . .”

“Bloody unnatural,” I finished for him, giving him a nasty smile. 

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. “Who knew that it would take  _ this _ to make Prongs at a loss for words.”

“Piss off, Padfoot. You’d be bothered too if you were me.”

I went over and grabbed an abandoned chair near Lily and sat down, taking a moment to stretch my back. James was standing near the door, eyeing Lily and I suspiciously like we were on the verge of spontaneously combusting. Sirius had his hands in his pockets and was standing in front of us with Remus and Peter, smirking as his grey eyes flitted from me to Lily. She pulled up a chair and sat down in it next to me. 

I eyed James, who was holding my wand in his other hand. “It was my wand that gave me away, wasn’t it?” I asked. 

“Recognized it from detention. It’s an ugly duckling wand, alright,” he said. He raised it and gave me a nasty smile before he tried to cast a moderately easy spell. There was a loud, angry crack and my wand leapt out of James’s hand and I reached out a hand to catch it midair. 

I grinned evilly at James, twirling my wand in between my fingers. “Sorry, Rotter, should’ve studied wandlore better. Fourteen inches, silver lime wood, flexible, highly finicky and phoenix feather core, making it very annoying for anyone but me to use. Silver lime is of course an amazing wand wood for Se-” I cut myself short and cleared my throat. “Finicky people. You might have better luck with Lily’s wand, perhaps,” I said. 

Lily looked at me strangely for a long moment before she cleared her throat. “Is it a true silver lime wand? Since it was so in vogue in the nineteenth century, and some wandmakers dyed other woods to make it look like silver lime.”

“Yes, it’s silver lime. Ollivander had this one sitting around for years, since before I was born, and he had never been able to sell it.”

“Really?”

I looked down at my wand thoughtfully. “It begs the question, does the wand choose the wizard because it knows what that person will achieve in the future, or is what that person achieves based upon their wand?”

Lily frowned to herself. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s sort of like that ‘chicken or the egg’ question that the Muggles always ask themselves.”

“Oh, yes, that one where you have to think about which came first, the chicken that laid the egg, or the chicken that hatched from the egg?”

“Something like that. But, say, did my wand choose me because it knew what I’d go on to do, or have I only performed magic based on the limitations of my wand?”

“But wandlore isn’t that simple, Kersti. There are a lot of different elements and-”

James coughed very loudly and we turned back to the boys, whom we’d been rudely ignoring while we had been having our discussion. “Is this what you two talk about when we’re not around? Wandlore?” he said, raising an eyebrow at us. 

“Well, what do you talk about, Rotter?” I said. “Quidditch? Pranks? What you’ll be eating next in the Great Hall?” 

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. “That sounds about right, kitten.”

“Padfoot, stop calling her nicknames while she looks like Lily. It looks-”

“Kersti, your hair,” Lily said, laughing. I looked down to see my hair curling into my usual ringlets, changing tone and growing longer. 

“About bloody well time,” I said, snorting with laughter at Lily, whose face now looked like a bizarre hybrid of features from both of our faces. 

“Jesus fucking Christ,” I said, reaching down to pull off Lily’s shoes which were now two sizes too small on me, her uniform shirt quickly becoming constrictive, while the skirt was now too short. I watched as my hands grew and then returned to their usual shape and size. 

“All done,” Lily said, and I looked up. She was back to her usual green-eyed, five-foot three self. 

“How do I look?”

“Like you need a bigger uniform,” Lily said, giggling and rolling up her shirtsleeves. 

“Lily, promise me that you won’t pull such a trick on me ever again,” James said, looking at her. “Please?” he added. 

Lily and I exchanged a look, a smile playing on her lips. “No. Sorry, James.”

James’s mouth fell open as he stared at her. “You heard the lady,” I said, smirking at him. 

Lily gave me a stern look. “What I mean is that until we figure out how you keep tracking us down at all hours of the day while we’re trying to study in peace in our hiding spots in the castle, you won’t be hearing the end of this. We’ve tried asking directly about how you manage it, but that was a fruitless venture, so this is what we’ll have to resort to now: figuring it out for ourselves.”

Sirius and Remus started laughing, while Peter looked confused. 

“All this for the Marauders’ M-” 

Sirius elbowed Peter in the side. “Stop, Wormy, you’ll give our secret away.”

James was still staring, mouth agape, at Lily. “It was Grindylow! She put you up to this, didn’t she, Lily?”

Lily laughed. “No, sorry, James.”

“It was actually Lily’s idea to use the Polyjuice potion,” I said. “Since she’s the top student in Potions and all . . .”

Lily shrugged, blushing. “It was a collaborative effort between the two of us, Kersti.”

Sirius managed to rein his laughter in and grinned at James. “Looks like you’ve met your equal, Prongs.” He looked at me, grinning wickedly. 

James was staring at Lily, and I had never seen him this speechless before. It must have been a new record for him. I chuckled at James’s astonished expression, exchanging a smirk with Sirius. “Who needs Amortentia when playing pranks will do the trick,” I said, nudging Lily, who was quickly turning a lovely plum colour at James’s unwavering stare. 

Sirius laughed, pushing a strand of dark hair out of his face and looking at me for a long moment. 

Lily cleared her throat awkwardly, tucking some hair behind her ears. “On that note, we’ll be going now,” she said, and passed me my shoes that she’d been wearing, while she took hers from me. I slipped my shoes back on and stood up, wrapping Lily’s robes around me to counteract the too-short skirt. James was still standing there, speechless, when Lily and I sashayed past them and out the door. As soon as we were out in the corridor, we burst into laughter, high fived each other, and then skipped off down the hallway. 


	18. Olivia-Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems that I’ve been progressively adding more British/UK-specific slang and expressions as I’ve progressed with the story; my sincerest apologies to any Brits who may be cringing at a Canadian trying to write like a Brit. Hope y’all enjoy the longer chapter; this is why it took me a little longer than I initially anticipated to get it posted ;)
> 
> I don’t care by Fall Out Boy

The rest of the weekend had been most uneventful, and after we’d skipped out of the classroom, Lily and I had gone to the Ravenclaw Common Room, fearing a retaliating blow from a furious James. Well, I was the one who was fearing for my dignity at the hands of a hex from James, as he’d never gone after Lily, no matter how bad she had made him look in all her years of rejecting and verbally slapping him. I’d told Lily what I’d learnt when James and Sirius had hunted me down in the library, particularly when Sirius had said that he’d “checked it before he’d left”, and how he’d “seen my name on it.” Neither Lily nor I knew what to make of the new information without making a trip to the library to do some reading, but seeing as we didn’t want to run into a vengeful James in the hallway and as we both wanted to give him a day to calm down, we relegated ourselves to finishing our Ancient Runes homework together that day. Lily had already made plans with Mary and Marlene and some other seventh-year Gryffindor girls for Sunday, and so I spent the other day of the weekend by myself and with Tess, Emily and Lia. Thankfully they hadn’t asked about me not going to the quidditch match on Friday, which Sirius had been right about; Slytherin had lost very badly to Ravenclaw. I was also fortunate in that I managed to avoid the Marauders on Sunday, which prevented me from being hexed by a vindictive James Potter. However, I was not so lucky with my dreams. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


I was standing in my Muggle family’s living room in our house. It looked the same as it usually did, the same as how it had when I’d been home during the summer holidays, and not like how it had been in the other dream that I’d had of it, the dream with the two letters on the coffee table. There was my dad’s cello in the corner on its stand, my brother’s muddy and grass-stained shoes by the front door, my mom’s stacks of Swedish books on the coffee table. This time I was also trapped in my future self’s body, like how I had been in the dream of me and Sirius in the quidditch shop. 

“Now, what’s this all about, Kersti? You sounded so serious,” my dad said as he took a seat on the grey couch in front of the coffee table. He was the redhead like me, and I looked like a carbon-copy of him. 

“I just wanted to . . . tell you something, that’s all,” I said, standing farther away as I waited for my brother and mum to come downstairs. They appeared soon enough, my younger brother following her. 

“Alright, we’re here, Kersti. What is it that you wanted to tell us?” my mother said, sitting down beside my father and smiling at me, her crow’s feet wrinkles appearing around her eyes. My brother Magnus took up residence in the armchair, slinging his long legs over the arm. 

“Magnus, how many times do I have to tell you to not sit like that?” my mother scolded him. 

He huffed and sat upright in the chair. “Hurry up, Kersti, I’ve got other things to do.”

I swallowed with great difficulty and cleared my throat. My heart thundered in my chest, and I felt like it was on the verge of exploding through my ribcage, shattering my ribs and breaking free. I took a moment to look at each of them in turn, studying their faces, memorizing every detail, every wrinkle, every line. 

“Kersti? Honey, are you alright?” my dad said, studying me. 

I took in their three faces one last time, before I raised my wand from where I’d been hiding it behind my back. “ _Petrificus totalus_ ,” I whispered, and my mother, father and brother all froze immediately, eyes open and limbs stuck. Once they were all frozen, I took a moment to inhale deeply, my hands cold and shaking, tears pooling in my eyes. I decided to start with my mother first, and as I approached her frozen form, I blinked, the tears beginning to fall down my face. I couldn’t bear to meet her eyes that were stuck in a straightforward gaze, but I forced myself to anyway, as I knew that it would ensure the focus and accuracy of the spells that I needed to perform. I raised my silver wand to point it at her face, concentrating and thinking over the steps that I’d gone over hundreds of times in preparation for this. Her blue eyes stared blankly back at me, and my shoulders started shaking with sobs, the tears flowing freely down my face. Through my tear-blurred vision, I saw the silvery wisps of magic begin to flow from my wand, wrapping themselves around my mother’s head. I knew what they would do, how I needed to do this for all of their sakes, but it didn’t lessen the agony of having to do this to them. I repeated the thought in my head that this was for their own good, that I was buying their safety with this sacrifice on my part, but that didn’t stop the tears from dripping down my face, my body heaving with sobs, my hands cold and shaking. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I screamed and thrashed, waking up in my four-poster bed in the dormitory, the bedsheets tangled around my limbs. I laid there, chest heaving and tears dripping off my face onto the pillow, my pajamas covered in sweat and sticking to my body. I curled onto my side and cried for a long time, wrestling with the grief and loss of my future that I’d experienced so intensely in the dream, despite the fact that it had been one of my briefer Seer dreams. My body was screaming at me to sleep, and my eyes were trying to close of their own accord, weighed down by exhaustion, but I jerked them back open every time, deathly afraid of what dreams awaited me if I were to fall asleep. I decided to get up, and I smoked a joint, which did little to help me forget and cope with the dream that I’d just had, and so I put on my robes and snuck out of the dormitory. It was only two o’clock in the morning, and the castle was eerily silent and cold at this early hour. The other lucky students were still asleep, and wouldn’t wake for at least another five hours. I quickly descended the many stairs down from the Ravenclaw tower, padding along in the darkness and relying on my tiger eyesight, and when I finally got outside I ran across the dark grounds, and then transformed when I was at the edge of the forest. I took off like a bat out of hell, stretching my four legs out and covering as much ground as I possibly could with every stride, the trees around me blurring together from the speed of my running. 

I didn’t stop moving all through the night, though I eventually slowed to a walk when my legs became too tired to propel me at such a frantic pace. In my animagus form, I thought about the dream I’d had, the grief and pain from it still hanging over my furry, striped head like a storm cloud. Unfortunately, the dream hadn’t been long enough to show me what I’d begun casting on my family members in turn, as it hadn’t lasted long enough to show me what the effects would have been. I wanted to roar, so frustrated was I that I had seen such a haunting glimpse of the future, but with not enough information in the vision to tell me exactly what my future-self had been doing. All I was left with was a vague idea that I would do something terrible to my family that I believed to be for their own good, no doubt the terrible thing that I’d sensed that I’d done when I’d had the dream about the two letters. Perhaps if I could have seen more of what I would do to my family in that instance, then I could be at peace with what would happen, as perhaps I’d agree with my future-self’s choice to do what my future-self would do. As it stood, the dream was too brief to provide me with closure, because I had only a fraction of the details of the event, and yet it was too deeply upsetting and heart-wrenching to ignore. All I was left with were the images of me using magic on my family against their will, but with no context to explain why I’d chosen to do such a terrible thing to them. 

I took my frustration and hopelessness from my dream out on a fallen tree, which I clawed until I felt numb and the tree was severely mutilated. And yet, the dream still hung over my head, making me miserable and making me dread going back into the castle for Monday’s classes. As the October sun rose, I dragged my exhausted body back to the castle and I transformed under the cover of the forest, before trudging up to the castle and to the Great Hall for breakfast. I neared the doors to the Great Hall, the chatter and clamour of the students inside getting louder and louder, while my stomach sank further and further down at the prospect of having to pretend that all was fine and dandy with Emily, Tess and Lia. However, I’d misjudged the time and when I finally reached the doors, pausing to look inside, the hall was already full of students, and breakfast was well underway. I scrubbed at my face for a moment, my eyes burning. Sighing, I decided to get my walk of shame to the girls at the Ravenclaw table done sooner rather than later. I’d stick out like a sore thumb, entering the Great Hall halfway through breakfast, but I was so exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically, that I couldn’t be bothered to care. I took a deep breath and walked in, striding quickly down to where I’d seen Emily’s blond head of hair amongst the other Ravenclaws. I saw a few students look at me as I walked by, but I kept my focus on Emily.

Tess and Lia looked up when I reached them from the other side of the table, sliding onto the bench beside Emily. 

“Oh, there you are,” Lia said, smiling at me. She frowned, seeing my face. “Are you okay, Kersti? You look really ill.” 

I gave her a pinched smile. “Just fine and dandy,” I muttered, pouring myself a cup of tea. 

“Are you sure?” Tess said, staring at me none-too subtly. 

“Yes,” I mumbled, my stomach churning. I didn’t think that I’d be able to eat anything when my stomach was so uneasy, so I stuck to sipping at my cup of tea. 

“Did you stay up all night in the library or something?” Emily asked, buttering a croissant. “I saw that you weren’t there in the morning when we-”

“Yes, I’m bloody fantastic! Can everyone stop asking me if I’m alright this morning?” I snapped. 

Lia, Emily and Tess stared at me, not saying anything. Emily cleared her throat. “Kersti, if-” 

Someone coughed pointedly several times behind me. I turned around and was met with the sight of a sixth-year Gryffindor girl staring at me, arms crossed in front of her chest. She was a pretty brunette, with bright blue eyes and pouty pink lips. I’d never seen her before in my goddamn life. 

I sighed, eyeing her half-heartedly. “What? Do I know you?” 

She stared at me for a moment before clearing her throat, the sound a soft tinkling, feminine noise. I wondered if she’d practiced that. “My name’s Olivia-Rose Hall. I heard from Sirius that you’re also sleeping with him?”

I nearly choked on my mouthful of tea from my laughter, and I had to cough several times to rein it in. I looked this Olivia-Rose girl up and down before responding. “Well, wouldn’t you like to know,” I drawled, raising an eyebrow at her as I took another few sips from my teacup. 

Olivia-Rose frowned and clenched her fists at my haughty tone, clearly thinking that a seventh-year like me would have taken her more seriously. She cleared her throat and tried to compose herself again. “I came here to tell you that it’s not going to happen between you two, and that you should cut your losses,” she blurted out, looking a bit surprised herself at what she’d just said. 

I very nearly spat out my tea from my laughter, and I had to put my teacup down because I was in danger of spilling the contents on my uniform. I laughed, which only made her frown more severely, her cheeks becoming pink with anger. “And that’s what you came to tell me, squirt?”

“Yes,” she said petulantly, eyeing me. 

I laughed again. Who the fuck was this little pipsqueak, bothering me during breakfast when I was minding my own goddamn business? I felt my temper swelling inside my chest, making my pulse race. I eyed her, my hands clenching into fists. Time to show this little cunt who she was dredging shit up with. I managed to calmly put my teacup back onto its saucer, grabbing my wand and slowly standing up from the bench. I grinned, watching her shuffle back as I stood up, my calm demeanor rattling her. Her eyes had gone wide as I got up, darting between me and Emily, Tess and Lia, who were staring, mouths agape, at the situation that was quickly unfolding before them. I stood facing Olivia-Rose, and I grinned like a devil at her when I realized that I was a couple inches taller than her, giving me the upper hand. I crossed my arms, imitating her pose. 

“If that’s all you came to tell me,” I said in a deadly calm tone, “then fuck off and mind your own business.” I grinned at her, watching her wide blue eyes staring at me. 

She swallowed nervously, her fingers fiddling with her uniform sleeve, still looking up at me. “You’re . . . you’re just jealous that I’ve slept with him too,” she said quickly. I had to hand it to her, she was a lot braver than most sixth-years would be if they confronted an older student like this in public. 

A massive grin split my face and I burst out laughing. Olivia-Rose’s face went scarlet, and this only made me keep on laughing. I ignored how half the Great Hall was staring at us now, as I was high on the cruel enjoyment that I was getting out of humiliating her and making her feel stupid. My temper made me revel in how her face was bright red now, tears gathering in front of her blue eyes. So much for her misplaced Gryffindor bravery. I caught my breath after laughing so hard, and bared my teeth at her in a grin. She shouldn’t have disturbed me after I’d had such a terrible night. “Look who’s the one who came over to bug me during breakfast. You’re obviously the jealous one here. Can’t stand to share your precious Sirius Black with someone else? Don’t worry, squirt, I’d be pissed too if I were you, seeing as you’ve got nothing going for you.” I paused, and I knew that I was now grinning at her like a lunatic as the first tears started falling onto her round cheeks. I leaned in closer to her. “We all know who’s the better-looking one here, and I know for a fact that he likes watching me fuck him into oblivion much more than you,” I snarled, my vicious gaze taking in her terrified expression as she stood frozen, staring at me. I leaned back out of her space, still grinning like a crazed fiend, and walked by her, knocking her with my shoulder intentionally. I couldn’t contain the grin that was splitting my face as my pulsed raced, my anger cascading over me in a comforting wave that soothed and washed away the lingering pain from my Seer dream. In that moment, I didn’t give a single fuck about how most of the Great Hall was staring at me as I strode confidently to the doors, and then on into the corridor and up the staircases, heading for the Ravenclaw tower. 

As I went higher up into the castle, the hold that my temper had on me faded, and the moroseness and despair from my dream came rushing back to the forefront of my mind. I felt like an empty shell of a person, like all the happiness had been sucked out of me by a dementor, and so when I returned to the dormitory to collect my textbooks for the day, I also took the time to shove several joints in the hidden pocket of my robes, and I quickly smoked another one before I went down to Advanced Charms, making sure to cast _scourgify_ on myself. With all the kerfuffle that I’d caused in the very public setting of the Great Hall, I was sure that Lily would be asking me before Charms what had happened, and the last thing that I wanted was to bring her disapproval of my smoking habit down on my head as well. I was really enjoying the friendship that I’d managed to curate with Lily Evans, and I didn’t want my nasty temper to jeopardize it when she would start admonishing me for smoking. I didn’t trust my temper today, not when I’d already had an explosion so early on. 

I was already regretting the massive stink that I’d just created with that Olivia-Rose girl, because now all of the school would know by lunchtime that I was casually sleeping with Sirius, which would no doubt bring hordes of angry teenage girls down on my head out of spite and jealousy. I wanted my previous anonymity back. My life was so much easier when I could hide from the world, when no one knew my name and I was just another face in the crowd of seventh-year students. I didn’t need anyone looking too closely at my personal life and starting to ask tricky questions about why I smoked so much weed; why I was always roaming the grounds at night; why I was always falling asleep during the day when I should be sleeping soundly at night. In a way, I regretted letting myself get closer this year to Lily, and by association the Marauders, but when I considered all the fun and happy times that I’d already had with them, I reasoned that the personal benefit to my happiness outweighed the partial loss of my anonymity among the student body. As my dreams and visions had gotten worse this year, I did need some companionship in my life to help distract from what I was secretly wrestling with, and Lily and the Marauders certainly managed to do a good job of that. Well, fucking Sirius certainly had done a brilliant job of distracting me from my burdens, but seeing as he’d already slept with me three times by now, and that he was now also sleeping with other girls like Olivia-Rose, I doubted that I would be fucking him again. This was the sign that he’d moved on to other conquests, and so I also had to resolve myself to getting over any awkwardness that might arise when I ran into him next (most likely before Charms class), like I’d already anticipated before I’d given in to my sexual urges on Monday and slept with him. I wasn’t counting myself as special among the many other girls that he’d fucked just because I’d had a roll in the hay with him three times, as opposed to only once or twice. It wasn’t that many times more than what seemed to be his usual number with one girl, and it wasn’t like I would know about what his usual number was anyway. As for me saying that he liked watching me fuck him more than Olivia-Rose, I had my temper to blame for making me blurt out such unfounded things. 

I was one the first seventh-years to arrive outside Flitwick’s class, and I noted with a sinking stomach that all the students who were already there looked away from their conversations to stare openly at me. I sighed deeply, scrubbing at my face. God, today was going to be a long day. I leaned against a wall, far away from the other students, and took my Care of Magical Creatures textbook out of my bag, holding it up high so that it hid my face from view as I read it, tuning out the whispers and stares.

“Kersti, is that you hiding behind your textbook?” 

I lowered the book from my face and saw Lily standing in front of me, smiling kindly, as was her custom. I gave her a tight-lipped smile. “In the flesh. Good morning, Lily.”

She chuckled and tucked some hair behind her ears. “That was quite the scene that you made in the Great Hall this morning. You’re the talk of the school after what happened.” She paused and gave me a searching look, her eyebrows furrowed. “You made Hall cry. What did she say to you?” 

I sighed and put away my book in my bag, making sure that my temper had been subdued before I began. “I know that it was a really shitty thing to do, Lily. I already know that I was an asshole to her, you don’t have to remind me. I had a very terrible sleep last night, I was in a foul mood this morning, and for some reason she decided to come up to me to say that I should stop sleeping with Sirius, or something like that. She said that she’s sleeping with him, and I guess she wants him all to herself.”

Lily stared at me for a moment, but she wasn’t angry like I thought that she would be after seeing her friend verbally abusing a sixth-year in public. “Oh, well, I’m sorry that it happened, that’s all. I don’t mean to nag. I was just worried about you, seeing you come into the Great Hall like that. Even now, you look ill to me. Are you alright?” 

I felt guilty then, that Lily already had so much faith in me when I was so clearly an asshole. “Yes, I’m alright. Thank you for not assuming the worst about my character, Lily. I know that it doesn’t excuse things, but my temper got out of control this morning.” 

Lily smiled and shifted the strap of her book bag on her shoulder. “We all make mistakes, Kersti. We’re not terrible people if we slip up, especially if we’re not feeling our best.”

I returned her smile. “Why are you saying ‘we?’ You’re perfect, Lily Evans. Perfect personality, perfect face, perfect body, perfect-”

Lily turned beet red and shushed me. “Stop, I’m not perfect. No need to blow things out of proportion.”

“Are you sure you’re not perfect? On this subject of debate, even Potter and I could agree.”

Lily cleared her throat, readjusting her robes and tweaking her Head Girl badge. “I’m not perfect, and no one is, for that matter. And I certainly don’t view myself at all in the same light that you view me, Kersti.” She paused and smiled thoughtfully. “To be frank, I was so surprised when you said that I was gorgeous in the bathroom when we used the Polyjuice potion. I don’t look at myself like that at all, and I’ve quite a few things that I’d like to change about myself. But I guess everyone thinks that way about themselves, really.”

I gave her a warm smile. Lily truly was the best of us, and James was lucky that he had someone so patient and caring as her to shape him into a better person than he’d been in previous years. “It’s a shame, then, that we can’t see ourselves like others see us. Actually, no, scratch that. I don’t want to see how other people view me, especially not after the stink that I caused with my temper in the Great Hall.”

Lily chuckled at this. “Talk about going out with a bang.”

“The whole hall was staring at me, weren’t they?” 

Lily laughed. “Oh, yes, without a doubt. You should hear the sorts of things that were being said about you.”

“All bad things, I expect?”

“Not _bad_ , per say. But totally bizarre. It seems like no one knew who you were until you went on that Hogsmeade date with me and James, and Black.” Lily started giggling. “I think that I heard someone at the Gryffindor table saying that you transferred here from Durmstrang for your final year, and that’s why no one knows a single thing about you.”

I laughed. “Durmstrang? Well, maybe that’s because of my first name. It isn’t like there’s been another Kersti at Hogwarts.”

“What nationality is your name, anyway? You’re right, it does sound very exotic.”

“It’s Swedish, from my mum’s side of the family.”

“Well, there you have it: you must have gone to Durmstrang Institute with that heritage,” Lily said and we laughed. 

“The only thing that they know is that I have an exotic first name and that Sirius was using me as another of his flings; what a great resume.”

Lily and I dissolved into laughter, and when we had subdued our giggles and caught our breath, she spoke again. “I never managed to get to the library to do any reading on what the tracking device might be, did you? Given the little information that we got from Saturday, we might be able to narrow it down. Or at the very least, we know now that it’s not a spell of some kind, as you mentioned that Black said that he’d checked it.”

I nodded. “Yes, it must be some sort of thing that they consult. A physical object.”

Lily frowned to herself in concentration as she thought. “What on earth could it be?”

“A crystal ball?” I offered. This was the Marauders that we were talking about, and I wouldn’t cross any sort of unusual or peculiar item off the list.

Lily smiled, shaking her head. “No, they’re quite finicky things. They wouldn’t be able to be that accurate. And Black mentioned that he saw your name in the library, which I fail to think a crystal ball could produce.” 

“God, I couldn’t possibly say what it is that we’re up against, my dear Lily. This certainly merits several evenings spent in the library, though,” I said. “But even if we hadn’t found out the little information that we did, I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed the prank, as we got to pull the rug out from under Potter like that.” 

Lily smiled impishly at me, which made me laugh. “Poor James just didn’t know what hit him,” she said.

“Well, he knew that it was something very attractive. I think that you gave him the biggest hard-on of his life with the mischief we stirred up.”

Lily turned bright red and shushed me. “Keep your voice down, Kersti!” she said, giggling and tucking some hair behind her ears nervously. “And anyway, don’t single James out for that sort of commentary, our little escapade had the same effect on Black.”

I scoffed. “Olivia-Rose Hall marks the end of me sleeping with Sirius, so it doesn’t matter whether he liked having an attractive lady get one over on him anyway.”

Lily furrowed her eyebrows, looking at me. “What do you mean, ‘marks the end of sleeping with him?’”

“It’s Sirius Black that we’re talking about, he’s clearly moved on to more novel conquests. I was just another two- or three-nights-in-bed fling to him.”

Lily looked at me. “I disagree completely. I don’t think that you’ve seen the end of him by far in your life.”

It was my turn to look at Lily, my eyebrows furrowed. “Lily, this is Sirius, the heart-throb of Hogwarts. It was never going to be more than fucking him a few times, I knew that full well going in.”

Lily shook her head, and then tucked some runaway hairs behind her ears. She gave me a disparaging look. “Yes, I know that. I’ve been in the same House as him for the last six years, if you’ve forgotten, and so, unlike you, I’ve seen much, much more of him than you have. Even I can tell that he’s been treating you differently from how he usually treats his ‘conquests.’”

I made a face at her. “Agree to disagree, why don’t we?” 

Lily shrugged and smiled. “Oh alright, then. But don’t come crawling back to me when you can’t get him to leave you alone after-”

“My beautiful, dear, lovely, Lily-of-the-Valley!” 

Lily and I turned and there was James, skipping down the corridor towards us, the usual suspects of Sirius, Remus and Peter trailing him, albeit at a much more leisurely pace. James’s hair was in its usual bed-head style, his hazel eyes bright behind his glasses as he careened to a stop next to Lily. 

“Oh, and it’s Grindylow, too. Good fucking morning, Grindylow,” James said to me. 

I laughed. “That’s awfully polite of you to even acknowledge my existence, Rotter.” I watched the remaining Marauders approaching Lily and I, and I couldn’t help but stare at Sirius as he walked towards us. He was smirking at me, seeing me watching him, his curls perfectly tousled as always, grey eyes alive with devilry. It was a bloody shame that I wouldn’t be sleeping with him again, as he looked very hot this morning. I knew that Seers could make incorrect predictions of the future, and so it didn’t even matter to me that I’d had the dream about us in the quidditch shop, as that could be a scene from a future that would never come to fruition. And as for Lily telling me otherwise, I was sure that she was merely feeling bad for me and was trying to cheer me up from the Olivia-Rose stink, however misguided her intentions and methods might be. 

Sirius sauntered up to me as the rest of the Marauders gathered with me and Lily, his smirk widening into a full-on grin. “Hello, kitten. How’re the hairballs treating you this morning?”

I chuckled and flashed him a grin. “Feeling limber enough to walk up and down all the stairs to classes today, old man? Or is your arthritis bothering you again?” 

“You were the one ogling me as I walked up to you, love.” He leaned into my space, raising an eyebrow at me. “Why don’t you tell me how limber I look?” 

“If I’m being honest, you look like you could use a cane.”

“And if I’m being honest, you look like you’re about ready to retch up your first hairball of the day, kitten.”

“Fuck off, old man,” I said, laughing and elbowing him in the side. “When are we planning your funeral for, again?”

“Wrong as usual, Grindylow,” James butted in, grinning evilly at me. “We’re planning _your_ imminent funeral for the shit you pulled on me on Saturday.”

“Aw, singling me out for special attentions, Rotter? Or are you planning the demise of your own girlfriend too?”

James huffed while Lily giggled into her palm. “I know that you put my kind Lily up to the plan, Grindylow.” He threw a gangly arm around her shoulders, hugging her to him. “I know that my beautiful Lilykins would never do such a thing to me,” he said, giving her a loopy grin. 

Lily laughed from underneath James’s arm. “Sorry, James. Like we said, it was most certainly a collaboration between the two of us.”

James leaned over to kiss her cheek affectionately. “It’s alright, my kind Lily. You don’t have to make excuses for Grindylow.”

Sirius and I laughed, making retching noises. “Get a room, Prongs,” Sirius said. 

James made a face at him. “So you’re taking Grindylow’s side now, are you? You traitor!” 

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh, pushing away some dark hair that had fallen into his face. 

“I’m rather curious about this, but how did you get all the ingredients to brew the potion?” Remus asked me and Lily.

“Slughorn runs an apothecarium in London, and I bought some of the potion from him after class a couple days before we were scheduled to execute the plan,” Lily said, looking very happy and cute tucked up under James’s arm like that. 

“And that way you didn’t have to wait for a month either?” Remus said. 

I grinned and nodded. 

“Why would you have to wait a month?” Peter asked, looking confused. 

“The potion takes a month to complete, Peter,” Lily said, smiling at him.

“Not to mention that the ingredients can be rather hard to come by, if I remember correctly,” Remus added.

“Why didn’t you just nick the ingredients from Slughorn’s supply cupboard, kitten?” Sirius asked, grinning at me. 

Lily frowned at us. “That would be grounds for suspension, Black,” she said sternly. 

Sirius shrugged, his grin getting wider. “Only if you get caught, Evans.” He winked at me when Lily wasn’t looking, grey eyes lingering on me. Fuck, he really was a handsome wanker. 

“Well, anyway, none of us are dumb enough to risk getting suspended by stealing from a teacher,” Remus said. 

Sirius chuckled. “I don’t know, Moony. I wouldn’t put something like that past Prongs and I.”

James rolled his eyes. “Speak for yourself, Padfoot. I’m a changed man now.”

I laughed. “And what about those doxies in the Slytherin dormitories, then?”

James huffed and rolled his eyes again. “Stop telling Grindylow about our antics, Padfoot. If you’re so desperate to include her, then go off and do pranks with her instead.”

Lily was looking at James. “But you said that you were trying to find out who had done that, James?” 

He reached a hand up to nervously ruffle his hair. “Well, er, yes . . . I was er, doing that. . . and I still am!”

Lily frowned at him. “James Fleamont Potter, you aren’t as much of a changed man as you’d like to think.”

James was staring down at Lily. “I am, Lily, I swear-”

Sirius and I laughed as they started bickering, while Remus rolled his eyes and pulled out his Advanced Charms textbook, hiding his face behind it like I had, evidently tired of being the fifth-wheel to James and Lily, and Sirius and I, while Peter stood looking from James to Sirius. 

“You should have heard Prongs on Saturday after you and Evans left, kitten. He was bloodthirsty,” Sirius said. 

I raised an eyebrow. “He’s just ornery because he tried to hold my hand twice when he thought I was Lily.”

Sirius chuckled. “Good thing I’m here to hold your hand, kitten, or else you might feel left out,” he said, nodding towards Lily and James who were still bickering. 

“Oh, so you’re only going to be holding my hand now? What happened to you coming to look for me in the library when I was disguised as Lily? What exactly were you hoping to do then, old man?” I said, smirking at him. 

His grin grew even wider as he looked at me. “I’d tell you, but I’d much rather show you later what I want to do to you.” He threw me a saucy wink and I shook my head ruefully, smiling despite myself. He was most likely flirting and bantering with me this morning because he was bored and I happened to be right there, and he no doubt loved the attention. I figured that he needed to banter with someone to entertain himself while his best friend was talking with his girlfriend, and I was the most convenient one to do that with right now. He’d obviously moved on from fucking me, since he’d gone and slept with Olivia-Rose, and I wouldn’t get my hopes up that he would be sleeping with me again. I was sure that Emily, Tess and Lia would be disappointed that they’d only found out about my brief fling with Sirius Black posthumously, but that wasn’t my problem and it wasn’t any of their business anyway. 

Lily speaking to me drew me out of my thoughts: “Hey, Kersti, let’s go get a seat in the classroom,” she said, raising an astute eyebrow at me and Sirius standing together. 

I shrugged in response and followed her away from the Marauders, the other students in the now-full hallway turning to gawk at and whisper about me as we went. I sighed and scrubbed at my face, massaging my temples. Today was going to be terrible. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


I elected to walk by myself to my other classes, and I went to stand with Tess, Emily and Lia outside the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. Everywhere I went in the castle, I was turning heads and leaving the corridor in a wake of whispers and gossiping, and by the time that I joined the girls outside Defence, a stress headache was making my head pulse and pound. They’d known me for long enough to know about the headaches that I sometimes got, and thankfully they were nice enough to leave me in peace and quiet as they talked amongst themselves, after I had promised that I would tell them what the hell was going on with me and Sirius tomorrow when I was feeling better. As it stood, I didn’t want to deal with any nagging questions today, and there was nothing that I wanted more than to curl up in a ball in the dark forest and sleep off my headache. It added insult to injury that Sirius wouldn’t quit staring at me during the classes that we had together and in the hallways, and I could tell that he thought that he was being more subtle about it than he actually was. It confused me to no end, and I debated trying to ask him why he was ogling me if he had so clearly moved on from fucking me, but I didn’t have the energy to try to get a straight answer out of him, and I knew that it would all blow over soon. 

The dream was still hanging over my head, and coupled with my exhaustion from how little sleep I’d gotten, as well as the stress headache that was pounding across my temples, all I wanted was to be left alone. Unfortunately, I was drawing near to the entrance of the Great Hall for lunch, coming from Care of Magical Creatures, when I noticed Avery lingering in the shadows beside the large double doors. Surprisingly, he was alone, and not flanked by Snape and Mulciber or any other insufferable Slytherin assholes. He noticed me heading for the doors, and straightened up and left his position leaning against the wall, staring at me with every step I took. I tried to ignore him, as maybe then I’d be able to get into the Great Hall and over to the Ravenclaw table without having to put up with his blood-purism assholery. 

“Grindylow,” he snarled, striding up to me from the shadows and blocking me in my path to the Great Hall. 

I stopped in my tracks, having been so rudely cut off. I looked up at him. “What do you want, prick?” 

He had an ugly, mean expression on his face as he looked down at me, his mouth twisted into a frown. “What happened to being the school’s Ravenclaw prude?”

“So I’m a prude now, because I won’t sleep with you?” I snapped. 

“You were, until you rolled over like a good little slut and let the blood traitor have his way with you. Tell me, how much is Black paying you?” 

“Go mind your own fucking business, you disgusting Slytherin scumfuck,” I snarled, trying to sidestep him. 

Avery cut off my attempt to escape by stepping in front of me again, staring at me greedily. “You ought to at least sleep with someone who hasn’t been disinherited, Grindylow. He can’t be paying you that much, and if he is, it won’t last long.”

“Bugger off, you nasty piece of shit.”

“Or has he not told you that he’s poor now? Serves him right for being a filthy blood traitor,” Avery spat, grinning at me. 

I curled my lip at him. “Just because I won’t fuck you doesn’t mean I’m a prostitute. Clearly you haven’t got the brains to understand that,” I growled and managed to dodge him this time. I walked as quickly as I could to the Great Hall, Avery hot on my tail. 

“I’ll pay you more than he ever could, Grindylow,” he said, only a few steps behind me. I so desperately wanted to give him a piece of my mind about the blood purism bullshit that he’d been spouting outside Defence Against the Dark Arts last week, but to get mad about that would imply that I wasn’t a pureblood, and so I refrained from mentioning it with great difficulty. 

“He must be paying you everything he’s got if you stopped being a prude for him,” Avery said, raising his voice the closer that we got to the doors. I’d hoped that walking away into the Great Hall would deter him from continuing this shouting match, but it seemed to be having the opposite effect. 

“Get it through your thick skull that you need to keep your long nose out of my fucking business!” I shot back at him. I’d reached the doors by now, and I charged on into the hall, heading straight for my House table. To my despair, the Great Hall was mostly full at this point, and as soon as I entered, hordes of students turned to stare at me burning a path to the Ravenclaw table, a livid Avery right behind me. 

“I was clearly wrong about you all this time. You’re just another filthy fucking whore, Grindylow,” Avery thundered at me. 

I skidded to a stop next to the Ravenclaw table and whipped around, nearly making Avery collide with me. “Go figure out which one I fucking am, Avery, a prostitute or a prude, before you go accusing me of being both! And while you’re at it, you can tell me how much you’re paying Weaver to suck your cock,” I spat at him, drawing my wand and pointing it at his face. 

Avery’s face twisted with anger, and he drew his own wand to point it at me. “You fucking-” 

“10 POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN AND RAVENCLAW! PUT DOWN YOUR WANDS THIS INSTANT!”

Avery and I turned from our spat to see an irate McGonagall charging towards us from the professors’ table. Her dark robes were whipping out behind her as she came towards us, her face thunderous. I snarled at Avery and reluctantly pocketed my wand. He kept his raised, still pointing it at my face. 

“Mr. Avery, put down your wand,” McGonagall said, stopping next to us. He slowly lowered it, eyeing me savagely. 

“Miss Ridgelow, Mr. Avery, under no circumstances are you allowed to draw your wands against another student like you did, not to mention that your language was completely unacceptable, Miss Ridgelow,” McGongall said. The whole hall was staring at us now as she scolded me and Avery. “If you are foolish enough to behave in the way you did a second time, then-”

A whistle cut through the Great Hall, accompanied by clapping. “Woooo! Go, Stripes!” 

I turned to the source of the noise, which was James hooting and hollering for me in support from the Gryffindor table. He was grinning from ear to ear, looking ecstatic that someone had been verbally slapping Avery about. 

“James! Stop!” I saw Lily scold him from her spot beside him, trying to shush him. 

“Go get him, tiger!” Sirius called out to me, grinning like a fiend as he watched me. 

“You stop that right now, Black,” Lily said, turning on him. “Stop encouraging her.” 

Sirius was still grinning, Lily’s criticism having absolutely no effect on him. I chuckled and blew him a kiss. He pretended to catch the kiss that I blew at him and I smiled wryly. McGonagall was incensed, looking like she wanted to storm over there and scold James and Sirius too, but she satisfied herself with telling me and Avery off instead. 

“Do consider your actions carefully before you raise your wands to duel again, Mr. Avery and Miss Ridgelow, or you will be facing less lenient punishments than lost House points,” she said, lips pursed and eyebrows drawn low. She nodded in dismissal and turned around, heading back to the staff table, while Avery gave me a last venomous look and stalked off to the Slytherin table. I could see Tess, Emily and Lia staring at me from their spot at the Ravenclaw table, along with most of the Great Hall. Fuck me, today was a disaster. I decided then to ditch lunch, as I would much rather have a smoke break instead to get my temper under control and to calm my shattered nerves. I turned around and walked right back out of the Great Hall, leaving it in a tornado of whispers and gossip. 

I decided to have a smoke break in the Clocktower Courtyard, and I didn’t have to hide behind any of the walls that framed the courtyard since everyone was occupied with eating lunch in the Great Hall. It was probably abuzz with lingering gossip from the Olivia-Rose incident this morning, as word continued to spread like wildfire about whom Sirius Black was currently fucking, and as the jealous girls who had their sights set on the Gryffindor King continued to say all sorts of nasty things about me. No doubt it was now also a whirlwind of gossiping because of the fight that I’d just had with Avery. I stood in the courtyard alone, trying to massage away my headache with my fingertips, before I gave up and stood there smoking two joints, one after the other. Maybe my weed would prevent me from having yet another explosion today, although with how my Monday was turning out, I highly doubted that. 

My next class was Potions, which I showed up to early, finding a spot along the wall to stand in, hiding my haggard face behind the book about Seers that Lily had bought for me as I tried to read to pass the time, wanting nothing more than to lie down and sleep for a year.

“Hey, Stripes!” 

I lowered the book from my face to see James and Lily walking towards me, followed by Sirius, Remus, and Peter. James was grinning as he reached a finger up to push his glasses back up his nose, while Sirius was eyeing me, mouth curved into a smirk. Lily had a dark look on her face, and she was glowering at James as they and the other Marauders stopped to stand with me. 

“That was bloody brilliant what you did to Avery, Stripes,” James said. 

“How do you manage to get him so riled up every time, kitten?” Sirius said, sidling up to me and throwing an arm around my shoulders nonchalantly, the charming tosser. 

I rolled my eyes and shrugged off Sirius’s arm. “He’s rather easy to fuck with.”

“Really? Not even I’ve ever gotten those sorts of reactions from him, Stripes,” James said. 

“Yeah, you’re right, Prongs. Not even when you turned his trousers-”

“Alright! That’s enough,” Lily said sharply. Sirius, James and I turned to look at her. She frowned at the three of us and cleared her throat authoritatively. “There’s no need to celebrate Kersti letting her temper get out of control. For the second time today, I might add.”

“But it’s Avery that we’re talking about, my Lily-flower. He’s earnt everything he’s had coming for him.”

“How would you know that, James Potter?”

James was looking at her curiously. “Because he’s . . . er, well . . . he’s Avery.”

“And that justifies Kersti verbally abusing him?” she said. 

“You should have heard the things he was telling me, Lily. You wouldn’t have any sympathy for him if you’d been there outside the Great Hall when he cornered me. In fact, you’d’ve been scandalized,” I muttered. 

Lily, James, Sirius and Remus looked at me. “What did he say to you?” Lily asked, one eyebrow raised. 

My eyes landed on Sirius standing there, looking at me, and I shook my head. “Nevermind. It was very foul though.”

Lily sighed and gave me a strained smile. “At least McGonagall interfered before things could get out of hand.”

Sirius chuckled, looking at me. “I disagree, Evans. Things were just getting good when she stuck her nose in.”

I shrugged, returning his cheeky grin. “I aim to entertain.”

“If you were to duel Avery, kitten, I hope you know that I’d bet on you,” he said, grey eyes twinkling at me. 

“Aw, how sweet of you, old man. We’ve got to make that duel happen, then, or else I’ll be letting my fan club down,” I said, grinning and gesturing at him and James. 

James grinned. “Oh, trust me, Stripes, we can make a duel like that happen and-”

Lily coughed loudly. “Duelling is a very severe offence, James. The fact that you’re encouraging it when you’re the Head Boy is quite reprehensible,” she said, eyes flashing dangerously at him. “Right, Remus?” she said, looking to the prefect of the group for support. 

Remus nodded, while James reached a hand up to nervously ruffle his hair. “Er, yes, you’re right, my kind Lily. That would be terribly irresponsible of me to do.”

“Oh, come off it, Prongs. What’s the harm in duelling a couple slimy Slytherin gits?” Sirius said. “Kitten, I’d be honoured if you’d give me a front-row seat when you go to pummel Avery.” He paused, his grin widening. “And if you’re feeling generous, it’d be my pleasure to share the spotlight and duel him with you too.”

“Two duellers is better than one, old man.”

Sirius’s face lit up. “Then I look forward to our duel, kitten.”

“That’s quite enough, Black,” Lily said in a scathing tone, glaring daggers at her boyfriend’s best mate. “Don’t try to become Kersti’s enabler for treating others badly and for letting her temper get out of control. It’s immature and disgraceful.”

Sirius and I looked at Lily, who was frowning severely at the two of us standing together. Sirius was still grinning at me, totally unfazed by her admonishment. He shrugged. “Suit yourself, Evans.”

Lily opened her mouth, looking ripe to scold Sirius for being an immature dink, but Remus stepped in to defuse the massive bomb that was about to go off. “Come on, let’s go get ourselves seats in the classroom. Slughorn’s just arrived,” he said firmly, nodding at the professor who was weaving past the groups of students gathered outside his classroom. 

As we began to file into the classroom, Remus and I fell into step together behind James and Sirius, and he turned to smile at me. “I’m sure you’ve heard some of the ludicrous rumours that are going around about you?” 

I chuckled. “Lily told me that everyone’s saying that I transferred here from Durmstrang. That’s the only one that I know of so far.”

“Oh, yes, well there’s that one going around. Apparently you’re well-versed in the Dark Arts because you went there up until last year, and you were about to hex Avery with some dark spell before McGonagall came along.”

I laughed. “How do these rumours spread so quickly?”

Remus shrugged as we made it through the classroom doors. “I reckon everyone was gossiping over their meals.”

“Any other ones that I should be aware of?”

“Oh, just that some fifth years at the Gryffindor table were saying that you’re actually part grindylow and that you were living in the Black lake until this year, when you came out to stalk the castle.”

I burst out laughing. “And that’s why I have that nickname?”

He shrugged again and smiled at me. “Apparently. Not everyone knew it I suppose, until Avery called you it in public.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “Well, thank you for filling me in about what’s being said about me, Remus. I’ll be sure to live up to my reputation.” I waved to him and went to sit with Tess, Emily and Lia, while he went to join James, Sirius and Peter. Lily was frowning at me as she sat down with Marlene, but I ignored her and started getting my things out. I knew that she was disappointed in me for having another explosion of my temper, but also that James and Sirius had been congratulating me on blowing my lid on Avery. As far as I was concerned, if she had been there to hear the vile things that Avery had been saying to me, then she might have a different opinion.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I’d opted to skip dinner later that day, as I was sick and tired of the stares and the whispers at that point, and I wasn’t feeling hungry anyway. I’d tried going to the library to study in the evening, but the gawking had persisted even there, and there was no way that the Common Room would be any better (in fact, it would’ve been worse), and so I went to a one of the higher-level corridors, the ones that were always deserted, and curled up in the deep alcove in front of a window. The only ones who were liable to intrude upon me were any prefects doing their nightly patrols, in which case I would surely hear them coming from a mile away with my tiger hearing, and I would run away before they reached my spot. 

As I sat scratching away at my parchment, making progress on my Charms essay, my mind kept drifting back to what Avery had said about Sirius outside the Great Hall. I’d heard the term blood traitor tossed around, and I wasn’t naive to what it meant, but I supposed that I hadn’t been paying any attention in previous years to anything concerning Sirius Black, with the result that I didn’t know if it was a regular occurrence for Avery’s sort to call him that, or whether it was a new insult. He’d also mentioned that Sirius had been disinherited, which was also likely related to him being labelled a blood traitor. I knew that he vehemently opposed blood purism views, from seeing how good a friend he was to Remus, and from his reaction to Avery spouting nonsense about cleansing Muggleborns in the hallway. He was also a true Gryffindor from a long, unbroken line of Slytherins, and all of these factors had led me to realize that he held very different opinions from those of the Black family, and I’d told him as much in Hogsmeade after I’d mentioned that all my family members were Muggles. But I’d never dwelt on whether his polar opposite views might’ve interfered with his familial relations. 

But, I had seen him talk about his family once before, when we’d had a smoke break together, back in September, when I’d had the beginnings of a full-blown vision in front of him. He’d said then that his parents’ wishes had never counted for anything in his book, and his reaction had been wholeheartedly negative to even the mere thought of them. Clearly his family, and being from such a long-standing pureblood one, was a very sore spot for him. Part of me wanted to write off everything that Avery had said as bullshit, because it was Avery who’d said it, but what he’d said about Sirius seemed to line up with what little that I’d seen already. Not to mention that besides the singular occurrence when he’d mentioned his family in passing, he never talked about any of his family members. Perhaps my hunch was right, and Sirius had been disinherited from his family for his equal treatment of Muggleborns and Halfbloods and other prejudiced members of the wizarding world like werewolves, though how long ago I didn’t know yet, and now he was labelled a blood traitor by Avery and others like him. Either way, my hatred of Avery was reaching new heights every day and I wished that I could maul him in my tiger form. I abandoned my Charms homework, and my eyelids were drooping as I leaned my head against the stone wall of the alcove when I received a most shocking visit. 

“Good evening, kitten.”

I jerked my eyes open and sat up straight, shocked at the sight of Sirius standing in front of my alcove, hands in his pockets. He was looking at me, a smirk playing on his lips, looking handsome as always. “Oh, hi, old man.”

He chuckled, watching me. “What are you doing all the way up here, kitten? I almost didn’t find you.”

I straightened up, shoving my books gracelessly into my bag. “What, you found me thanks to yours and Rotter’s tracking thing?”

“Of course. Isn’t it handy? I found you all the way up here by yourself.”

I smiled ruefully at him, and rubbed my face for a moment, trying to dispel the tiredness. He sat down next to me in the alcove, grey eyes fixed on me. I debated asking him why he’d come, but I knew that he’d cut to the chase soon enough. If I were another girl, maybe I’d get pissed at him for telling Olivia-Rose that we had been casually fucking each other, especially since his dispersal of such sensitive information to a certain sixth-year party was what had caused the two big stinks that I’d created; however, I ultimately didn’t care enough and it was within his rights to tell someone else whom he’d been fucking, although it had now made my life a lot more difficult than it had needed to be. 

Sirius was still staring fixedly at me as we sat side by side, and I raised an eyebrow, smirking at him being unable to tear his eyes from me. He smiled wryly to himself, and suddenly he came in closer to me, his hand landing next to mine to balance himself as he leaned over and pressed his lips to mine. 

I was absolutely surprised, as I had thought that I would never be kissing him again, and it took me a moment to sink into the feeling of his mouth against mine. His hand landed on my cheek as he began to move his mouth against mine, his tongue coming out to prod at my closed lips. I threw caution to the wind and opened my mouth, letting his tongue in to move against mine, his hand on my cheek burning my skin with his touch. As our tongues moved together more frantically, one of my hands came up to sink into his long hair, my fingers tangling in his waves. He scooted himself closer, his mouth still locked with mine, and I felt the length of his thigh pressing flush against mine. We were fully clothed, and yet everywhere I had any physical contact with him, my body coursed with electricity, lighting up every nerve, and I needed more of him. I gripped his hair in my fingers, anchoring his mouth against mine. His mouth rumbled with a chuckle, before he retaliated by moving his tongue farther into my mouth. His hand on my cheek fell to land on my thigh, caressing along the skin that was covered in the black uniform tights, long fingers playing mischievously with the hem of my skirt. He was beginning to inch his hand up under my skirt, and my hand was still buried in his long hair and keeping his mouth pressed against mine, when we were interrupted.

“Bloody hell.”

Sirius pulled his mouth away from mine slowly, but kept his hand resting on my thigh. I blinked, my hazy brain taking a moment longer than usual to register that there were two fifth-year prefects, a girl from Hufflepuff, the other a boy from Gryffindor, staring at us. They were evidently on their night patrols, and they had evidently not been expecting to see two seventh-years having a steamy kiss in the corridor. 

“Bugger off,” Sirius growled. “Can’t you see we’re busy here?” 

Both of the prefects’ eyes went wide, and they only hesitated briefly before turning to scurry down the hallway. 

I chuckled, my hand still buried in his hair. “How d’you get two prefects to get lost?”

Sirius smiled, his hand on my thigh beginning to creep up under my skirt once more. “Dunno. Probably my reputation and popularity. And maybe they’re scared of me tattling on them to Prongs.”

I chuckled and pulled him back down to kiss me again. I continued to move my mouth against his, my tongue taking the lead and exploring the inside of his mouth as his hand brazenly travelled up my thighs until he’d reached the waistband of my knickers. As his fingers insistently played with the waistband, I broke our kiss and withdrew my fingers from his hair. 

“You’re not going to fuck me out in the open like this if that’s what you want this evening,” I said. 

Sirius smirked at me. “Come on, you know that it’d be a glorious sight for the eyes of anyone who’d come along and see us fucking,” he joked.

I laughed. “Yes, and I’m sure they’d really appreciate it when you poke their eyes out with that, old man,” I said, gesturing to the raging hard-on that he was sporting. 

He pouted. “You’re no fun, kitten.”

“Shut up, you perverted old man.” 

He let out his bark-like laugh and stood up, grabbing my hand and dragging me after him, and I barely managed to grab my bookbag. He led me into a disused classroom across from the alcove, closing the door behind us. I cast a cursory glance around it, making out a desk at the front and some chairs and desks in the dim lighting, before Sirius was standing in front of me again. He stared down at me for a moment before he grabbed my lips again in a needy kiss. I kissed him back briefly before I broke our lips apart again. 

I leaned to the side, past his body, to cast the charms that he usually remembered to do that would lock the door and prevent us from being interrupted mid-coitus. “Have you grown forgetful in your old age?” I said, once I’d cast the charms and deposited my bookbag on a nearby chair. 

Sirius laughed, grinning at me. “Very funny, kitten,” he said softly, and captured my lips again with his. His hands were more insistent now, pushing my outer robes off and then wrestling with the buttons of my uniform shirt, while I began grappling with his red and gold tie. He broke away from me to pull his tie over his head when I’d loosened it enough, and shucked off his outer robes. I flashed him a cheeky smirk before I walked over to the desk at the front of the classroom, pulling my tie over my head and chucking it onto the ground as I went. I turned to face Sirius, and he stood before me, smirking, before he lifted me up by my waist to sit on the edge of the desk. He was chuckling, grey eyes alight, as he stepped closer to me to stand in between my legs. His eyes met mine briefly before he dipped his head to kiss me once more. 

As we kissed, I was still feeling confused about why he had hunted me down to have sex again when it had seemed like he would be moving on from me to the next girl, but I figured that I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. I was just glad that I could prolong any awkwardness with Lily and the boys, and that I could potentially continue getting laid for a little while longer. Then, all the sensical thoughts vanished from my head as Sirius slipped off my shoes and pulled off my tights and panties, followed by my skirt, leaving me naked from the waist down. I retaliated by quickly unbuttoning his white shirt, before slipping it off his shoulders. I took a moment to admire his quidditch-toned body, running my hands over his chest and shoulders and arms. He smirked and one of his hands was on my waist, pulling me to the edge of the desk, while the other was still grappling with the last few buttons of my shirt. He gave up on the shirt as his mouth met mine once more, and I groaned from deep in my throat when his fingers slid along my cunt, lingering over my clit. I used both hands to quickly undo his belt and then unzip his fly, pulling his cock out of his pants to hold it in my hand. 

I tried to move my hand along his erection, but he stilled my hand yet again. “Fuck, Kersti, stop,” he said, pulling his mouth from mine. 

“What?”

“I’m not going to last long enough to fuck you if you do that,” he said, chuckling. 

“Well, let’s get to it, old man,” I said and wrapped my legs around him to bring him closer. He looked down at me, a smile curling up his lips, before he kissed me once more, his fingers playing with my dripping cunt. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet for me, love,” he groaned as he sank two fingers inside of me. I gasped and my breath came faster and faster as he pumped his fingers, curling them against my front wall. 

It was my turn to still his hand, pushing it away and reaching for his erection, lining it up with my entrance. In one smooth motion, he sank all the way into me, making us both moan at the feeling. His mouth landed against mine as he began to thrust inside me, his hands gripping either side of my waist to hold me to him. 

As his speed increased, he moved his mouth to nuzzle and kiss along my cheek, stopping next to my ear. “I’ve been thinking about fucking you all day, kitten,” he whispered, and I moaned at his words, a hand holding onto his forearm, tightening my legs around his waist to hold his hips to me. Our limbs were tangled together, and I kissed him yet again. I rather liked having his face and mouth right there while we were having sex, and I did prefer it to the doggy-style which we’d almost exclusively done up until then. I stared back at him as he watched me come undone, but the sight of me moaning and writhing on the desk must have been too much for him, as it wasn’t long before he cursed, his eyes closing as he came inside me. 

He breathed shakily, opening his eyes to look at me. “Fuck, I’m sorry, love. I couldn’t hold back.”

“Just keep going for a little longer, then I’ll cum too,” I said, giggling at his expression. He looked like he’d just been deeply wounded by some sort of extreme, personal failure, when it was actually a compliment to me that he’d climaxed first. I’d had no idea that I, of all people, would be able to make the school’s resident heart-throb so hot and bothered that he couldn’t hold back from orgasming during sex. His mouth twisted into a half-smile before he resumed his thrusting, and in no time I was climaxing too with my fingers on my clit and him inside me. 

We stayed with our limbs tangled together as we caught our breath, my chest rising and falling slower now, and eventually he slipped from me and looked down to tuck his cock back into his trousers, zipping up his fly and doing up his belt. I slid off the desk and grabbed my clothes that had been flung away, pulling them on until I was fully clothed once more, and casting a contraceptive charm on myself when I’d grabbed my wand. I picked up Sirius’s outer robes on my way back over to him, as he was still standing by the desk that we’d just had sex on, buttoning up the remainder of his shirt. 

“Here you go, old man,” I said when I’d reached him, handing over his outer robes. 

“Thanks, kitten,” he said, flashing me a lazy smile. “Fancy a cigarette?” 

“Sure.” I scooted back onto the desk, dangling my legs off the edge as he hunted around in his robes for his cigarette pack. When he’d found it, he sat down on the desk next to me, handing me one and then lighting both of our smokes with his wand. I took a long first drag, pursing my lips around the end, watching him from the corner of my eye as he mirrored my actions, pausing before he let the smoke out in a slow, solid stream. 

“We’re a pair of chimneys, aren’t we, old man?” I said. 

He smirked and then took another hit. “We sure are, kitten. Not even Prongs smokes this much.”

“I wonder how much that has to do with Lily,” I said, chuckling and watching the smoke burst from my mouth. 

“A lot, actually. Evans has been telling him that he’ll die prematurely if he keeps up the cigarettes.”

“Now that’s being a touch overdramatic. She should have enough proof that you can live to a ripe old age while still being a smoker, since you’ve yet to kick the bucket, old man.”

Sirius turned to look at me, mouth agape, before he started laughing. He nearly choked on his cigarette smoke and it took him a moment before he could speak again. “You’ve got a rather sharp tongue, kitten,” he said, grinning at me. 

I wiggled my eyebrows at him. “I know you can’t get enough of it, you horny old man.”

I didn’t have time to react, as before I knew what was happening, Sirius was ruthlessly tickling me. I could only shriek and cackle as he attacked me with his fingers, and he was grinning from ear to ear as I cried from the laughter. I tried to wriggle away from him, but I miscalculated how big the desk was and I very nearly fell off the side in my desperation to get away from his attacking fingers. He grasped me by an arm and dragged me back from falling, laughing at me as I wiped tears from the corners of my eyes. Sirius’s face was split by a crazed grin as he watched me, his grey eyes alight. 

“God, I think I just saw my life flash before my eyes,” I said, still laughing and then taking another hit from my cigarette, which I’d somehow managed to keep intact. 

Sirius shrugged, looking self-satisfied. “Serves you right, kitten.” We sat in silence for a few moments, smoking our cigarettes, before he spoke again. “I completely agree with Prongs, that it was bloody brilliant what you did to Avery today.” He chuckled to himself, perhaps thinking about all the things he’d done to prank him in the past. “But why does he single you out? He’s quite single-minded with his pranks against you.”

I chuckled, thinking about how I’d managed to get back at Avery several times this year already. “It’s because I turned him down for a date to Hogsmeade in the spring of last year, and that sent him on his crusade against me. He’s been quite relentless this year, more so than the latter half of sixth-year. Maybe he had a long time to stew over my rejection during the summer holidays, and as a result, he came back more bitter and angry than before.”

Sirius turned to look at me, laying a hand on his chest dramatically. “Aw, kitten. You accepted my offer but not his? I’m flattered.”

I poked at his side playfully. “Don’t let it go to your head, old man. He wanted it to be our first date as a couple, but I couldn’t very well accept his offer because I would’ve been hit with dark magic if I’d let slip about my blood status. Not to mention that I find him utterly repulsive, even without his blood purism.” I paused to take another hit from my dwindling cigarette. “It was infinitely nicer to go with you, not least because I don’t have to worry about being a Muggleborn.”

Sirius took a long drag from his cigarette, studying me thoughtfully. He was clearly thinking about something, and I waited for him to speak. “You did know before I said anything that I’m not like the rest of ‘the noble and most ancient House of Black,’” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he spoke of his family’s ancestry. 

I shrugged. “If I didn’t know that Remus is a werewolf, I might’ve been less sure of that. But what you’ve done for someone like him is the most telling about what you believe.”

Sirius paused with his cigarette halfway to his lips, studying me for a long moment. I stifled a prodigious yawn just then and scrubbed at my face. I needed to at least try to get more sleep tonight, and while I wasn’t the biggest fan of going back out into the dark, rainy October night, I needed to take cover in the Forbidden Forest tonight, as maybe then I would be able to sleep through the night without being woken up by a depressing Seer dream. And it wouldn’t be that bad anyway, since my thick fur always kept me warm no matter how cold it got. I scooted off the desk to stand up, stretching my back and cramped neck and shoulders for a moment, my cigarette still smoldering between my fingers. Sirius watched me silently, finishing his own cigarette, as I grabbed my bookbag from the chair that I’d left it on. 

I turned to look at him, sitting alone on the desk now, still studying me with those enchanting grey eyes of his. I flashed him a grin. “I’ll see you tomorrow, old man. Careful that you don’t trip down any stairs in the dark. Wouldn’t want you to break a hip.”

He shook his head, smiling despite himself. “I’ll see you tomorrow, kitten.”

I blew him a kiss and turned away, reversing the spells that I’d cast on the door before opening it and walking out into the hallway, heading to the Ravenclaw tower to drop off my books first before I headed back down the many flights of stairs to the Hogwarts grounds and the Forbidden Forest. 


	19. Gigglewater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter, but the next one will be a long and fun one :)

I managed to sleep well in the night, allowing me to catch up on the missed sleep from the previous night. I woke up with the sunrise, as I tended to do when I was in my animagus form, and headed up to the Ravenclaw dormitory before the girls were up to grab my school things, before heading back down the Great Hall to read away the time until breakfast appeared. As I read, the Hall began to fill up, and to my chagrin I couldn’t help but overhear different groups of students, mostly girls, talking about me as they filed by me to sit at their House tables. 

“Hey, look, it’s that bitch who flipped out on Avery and that Gryffindor girl yesterday.”

“Merlin, Sirius Black must be really desperate to fuck new girls if he slept with that thing.”

“D’you think her cunt smells like rotting algae? Since they call her Grindylow.”

“I reckon she’s had sex with the Giant Squid. She’s probably really loose. Like, so loose you wouldn’t feel anything if you fucked her.” 

“I heard she used an Unforgiveable on a first year. That’s what they teach at Durmstrang, you know.” 

“Merlin, look, it’s Fire Crotch.” 

I looked up from my book at this last insult, seeing some Slytherin sixth years walking by me to go to their own table. There were three of them, all looking at me snidely. 

I laughed, snarling at them. “You dumb cunts. ‘Fire crotch,’ huh? The least you could do is be creative like Avery and come up with the original nickname ‘Grindylow.’” 

That shut them up quickly, and I went back to ignoring them, poring over my wandless magic book, until a much more pleasant voice made me raise my head again. 

“And here’s the woman of the hour!” Tess said, plunking herself down into the spot beside me, while Emily and Lia sat across from us. 

“Let the interrogation begin,” I said, making a face at her. 

“Stop, it won’t be that bad. Just some pressing questions, that’s all,” Lia said, smiling at me. 

“Of a rather graphic nature, I’ll bet,” I muttered, reluctantly closing my book and stashing it in my bag. 

Emily wiggled her eyebrows at me. “Well, they’ve already had a most vivid retelling of my encounter with him, so you might be spared.”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “No gory details will be divulged of, I’ll say that right now. That’s just an invasion of my privacy.”

Lia rubbed her hands together and cackled evilly. “Alright, no graphic questions, but let’s get to it then. I’ll do the honours and start off with an easy one: when did you first sleep with Black?”

“Monday of last week.”

“How many times have you slept with him so far?”

I paused to think about it for a moment as the food appeared and we began serving ourselves breakfast. “Four times.”

Emily grinned. “Twice as many as me. Very impressive.”

“So you ditched seeing me play in the quidditch match to bang him?” Tess asked, raising an accusatory eyebrow at me. 

I cleared my throat awkwardly. “Yes.”

Emily and Lia high-fived. “I knew it!”

Tess pretended to cry. “Oh, my poor heart! You didn’t even get to see how I led the whole bloody team to victory!”

I gave her a look. “I’ll come next time, alright? Does that make you happy?”

“Maybe.”

“Stop derailing our interrogation, Tess,” Lia said. She turned back to me. “Did you fuck him again after you were caught having a steamy little kiss in the corridor last night?”

I spluttered and choked on my mouthful of tea. “Those two prefects really wagged their tongues last night,” I said, frowning. 

“We only just found out about it this morning. And we’ve had a fair few girls coming up to us and asking us about you, ever since you blew your lid on that Gryffindor girl yesterday morning,” Lia said, stirring her cereal. 

“What are they asking about?” I said, frowning into my tea. 

“Oh, just how you managed to attract Black’s attention, if you’re dating him, that kind of rot,” Tess said, shovelling scrambled eggs into her mouth. 

“We’re absolutely not dating,” I said quickly. 

“We know that, of course,” Emily said, “But some of the other girls seem to think that you two are an item because you’ve been seen hanging around Lily Evans and Black’s group of ridiculous Gryffindor friends.” 

I scrubbed at my face for a moment. “Like I said, I spend time with Lily because of our classes and all that, and then Potter invariably shows up with the rest of his lot because he’s a creepy Lily-stalker.” 

Lia laughed. “That he is. And now you’ve reduced Sirius Black to a creepy Kersti-stalker.”

I gave her a withering look. “You and Lily need to stop with this crap. She’s convinced herself that I’ve yet to see the end of him in my life, and I couldn’t disagree more. I mean, he went and slept with Olivia-Rose Hall in between fucking me. If that doesn’t signify that he’s getting bored of me and preparing to move on to his next conquest, then I don’t know what does. I’ll admit that I was very confused when he tracked me down last night. I thought for sure that I’d seen the last of him.”

Lia raised an eyebrow at me. “He does that all the time, sleeping with girls off and on. Don’t you remember that he slept with Emily while he was still trying to get into your pants?” 

Emily nodded. “It’s his  _ modus operandi _ , Kersti. I thought that you knew that?” 

I sipped at my tea. “Well, clearly I didn’t, or else I wouldn’t’ve been confused about it yesterday. Shame on me, being a Ravenclaw who’s slow on the uptake,” I muttered. 

“That’s it! You’re out of the House!” Tess joked, still scooping food into her mouth. 

Lia chuckled. “Don’t feel too bad, Kersti. Sirius Black usually makes girls slow on the uptake.” 

I rolled my eyes hard. 

“I agree with Evans, though. I don’t think that he’s ready to stop fucking you just yet,” Emily said, cutting into her stack of pancakes. 

I laughed bitterly. “Why is everyone except me so informed about what Sirius goddamn Black thinks of and wants to do to me?”

“Oh, you could easily tell, if you wanted to. You’re just emotionally constipated,” Lia said. 

“Constipated?!”

“Here, Kersti, have some oatmeal, since you’re so constipated. It’s high fibre.”

“Fuck off, Theresa Elizabeth Rhodes.”

“Oooo, bringing out the full names, are we?” Tess said, giggling. 

“You called me constipated, what else am I supposed to do!”

“Tess! Stop derailing our conversation!” Lia said, throwing a napkin at her jokingly. “I’ll come over there and beat you with my spoon if I have to.”

Tess had her hands up, shielding her face. “Alright, alright! Calm down.”

The girls and I took a moment to eat our breakfasts in silence, because at this rate we wouldn’t be finished by the time that the food disappeared. At least my appetite was back this morning, and I was managing to eat a proper meal. 

Lia finished her cereal and looked up at me thoughtfully. 

“I can’t remember, Kersti, but you weren’t a virgin when you slept with him, were you?” 

“Jesus fucking Christ, no. Thank Merlin. That would’ve been far too much of an ego boost for him, to be deflowering yet another virgin,” I said, chuckling into my cup of tea that I was finishing. 

“Especially one who gave him quite the run for his money,” Tess added. She was finally finished stuffing her face with food, and was now casually looking around the Great Hall. 

“You were dodging his advances for, what, a month?” Lia asked. 

“Something like that.” 

“I wonder how many virgins he’s deflowered at Hogwarts?” Emily said, finger-combing her short blonde bob. 

“An uncountable number,” Lia said. 

“I don’t even want to think about it,” Tess said, making a disgusted face. 

“I could ask him,” I said offhandedly. 

“Oh, ho. ‘You could ask him,’ huh?” Emily said, smirking at me. “See, the case in point: you’re one of the only girls who can actually talk to him and have a conversation with him, the only girl he takes seriously.” 

I scoffed. “You’re blowing it out of proportion.”

“Oh, alright, yeah,  _ sure _ ,” Emily said, fixing me with a raised-eyebrow look. 

“And anyway, I won’t be asking him that. I don’t want to make his ego even bigger than it already is.”

“You’ve already done that by sleeping with him, Kersti. With every new girl he fucks, his ego gets that much bigger,” Lia pointed out. 

“I’m surprised that he can make it off the ground on his broom with such a massive ego,” Emily said, chuckling. 

“He can barely fly, I’ll tell you that,” Tess muttered darkly. “Merlin, I thought I’d kill those girls who came to the tryouts for Ravenclaw, thinking that it was easy to make it onto the team. They just showed up because they thought that quidditch matches against Gryffindor were going to be full of romantic encounters with Potter and Black!”

“Or they thought that it would make the two boys pay them some mind,” Lia said. 

“Stupidity! Utter stupidity! It was a gaggle of them, all ‘Sirius Black’ this, and ‘James Potter’ that,” Tess ranted. “I was about ready to unleash the bludgers on the lot of them to shut them up!” 

I laughed. “You’d risk your position on the team to make some moronic girls stop talking about them?” 

Tess grumbled. “No one would’ve been able to pin it on me. I would’ve been properly discreet about it.” 

“There would’ve been a lot of casualties, though. And quite a few witnesses,” I added, elbowing her gently. 

“Would’ve saved me a lot of time in weeding out the ones who were actually serious about being there.”

“What, you don’t actually take the greatest pleasure in dealing with teenage girls who’ve gone barmy with desire?” I teased her. 

“Shut up! You could be classified with those horny girls, you hypocrite.”

“You take that back, Theresa Rhodes.”

“You were the one who joined the great, unwashed masses of girls who’ve slept with him.”

“Now you’re just insulting Em too. And I am not unwashed.”

Emily laughed. “If there’s anyone who’s unwashed, it’s you, Tessie.”

Tess spluttered at her. “I do wash myself! After every quidditch match and practice, I’ll have you know. And don’t call me Tessie, you know how I hate that.”

“Alright, Tessie.”

“Lia, give me your spoon. I need to go beat Emily with it,” Tess said, and we all laughed as we got up from the table in preparation to head to our first classes of the day. 

“But, in all honesty, thank Merlin for contraceptive charms,” Lia said as we started walking towards the doors of the Great Hall with the other students. 

“Can you imagine how many Sirius Black Juniors would be running around the castle if those charms didn’t exist?” Emily said, and we all laughed. 

“The whole school would just be populated by mini Siriuses,” I said. 

“Like a bad Cornish pixie infestation,” Lia said, and I started laughing so hard that I thought that I would piss myself. 

“They’d be like his little army, following him around all day,” Emily added, giggling at me laughing my head off. 

“Ew, do you think that all his children would be blue?” Tess said. 

Lia laughed. “Well, they wouldn’t necessarily be blue, but they’d all be mischievous and constantly out to ruin your life for their own edification.” 

“Bloody hell, they do sound like their father!” 

“Yes, and he’s the biggest Cornish pixie of them all,” Emily added, while I was still trying to rein in my laughter. 

As we approached the magical staircases, Tess broke the silence. “Do you think his cock is blue? Since we’ve established that he’s a pixie and all.”

I burst out laughing, and I had to wrap an arm around my abdomen because it was hurting from all the laughter. 

“Ask Em or Kersti that, I wouldn’t know. I’m not going near him, much less naked,” Lia said, smiling at me as I died of laughter several paces behind them.

Tess turned around, looking unusually serious. “Hey, Kersti and Em, is Sirius Black’s cock blue?” 

I had to stop part-way up the stairs with a hand supporting me on the banister, the other covering my face as my shoulders heaved with laughter. 

“Tess, no, why would you say something like that!” Em said, laughing herself.

“Stop with the cock comments and the pixie jokes, Kersti’s going to piss herself at this rate,” Lia said, and the three of them turned and stopped to watch me having a laughing fit where I’d paused on the stairs. 

“Kersti, you’re going to miss your classes if you don’t keep it together,” Emily said. 

I finally straightened up from being doubled over in hysterics. “Okay, alright. Phew. I think I’ve got it under control.”

Tess raised an eyebrow at me. “So, Sirius Black is a Cornish pixie, and that means his ass is also blue and so is his nut-”

“Theresa! Enough!” Lia said, laughing. 

“As much as I do love the jokes, I’ve got to admit that I think I’m in very real danger of pissing my pants from the laughing,” I said, catching up to them where they were waiting a few stairs higher. 

“Don’t be a spoilsport,” Tess pouted at me. 

“Piss off,” I said, elbowing her. 

I split up from the girls when I’d reached the floor that the Transfiguration classroom was on, and headed down the corridor to wait outside the classroom by myself. I wasn’t surprised at all when I saw Lily standing against the wall across from the classroom, reading her Transfiguration textbook, totally absorbed in the information that she was trying to cram into her brain. 

“Hi.”

Lily jerked her head up from her reading and smiled when she saw me standing in front of her. “Good morning.”

“Reading ahead, as usual?” I said, nodding to her Transfiguration textbook. 

“Yes, of course,” she said, smiling at me. “You’ve been reading ahead too, if I remember correctly?” 

I nodded, noticing how the Marauders had yet to arrive outside the class. “Why’re you always arriving at classes so much earlier than the boys, Lily?”

“It’s because I bring my bookbag to breakfast, like you do. They always, without fail, leave their school things in the dormitory. Of course, I know that they do it on purpose so that they can linger in the dormitory when they go to grab their things, as if that would postpone having to show up to classes.”

I laughed. “I should’ve guessed that, knowing them.”

“I reckon the only reason they’ve ever made it to classes on time is because of Remus,” Lily said, rolling her eyes and smiling. 

“That sounds about right.”

“Maybe if they didn’t stick out like a group of sore thumbs wherever they went, they’d be able to get off with being late or not showing up,” she said. 

I pretended to gasp dramatically. “Are you, Lily Evans, the Head Girl, going to encourage them to skip classes?”

Lily laughed and gave me a look. “No, I most certainly will not. You didn’t hear that from me.” 

I chuckled, thinking about how I had so easily not shown up to quite a few classes in the past, all because I wasn’t nearly as infamous as the Marauders. Every professor in the school knew their names, while those like Slughorn couldn’t even get my last name right. “Speaking from experience, if you’re as unremarkable of a student as me, then ditching classes is not that difficult to pull off.”

Lily pretended to brandish her textbook at me. “Don’t make me use this on you like how I’ve used it on James before. You’re just as much of a silly monkey as him.”

I pouted at her. “Please, oh please, spare me from your terribly dangerous wrath, my most beautiful Lilykins.”

She raised an eyebrow at me, trying to look scornful, but she started giggling which ruined the look that she had been trying to give me. “Don’t start pretending to be James now. I don’t think that I could handle two James Potters right now.” She paused for a moment, studying me. “Well, since I’ve had to spend a frankly alarming amount of time around James and his mates, I can see that dealing with you when Black is in the room is like having two Sirius Blacks to deal with.”

I looked at her for a moment. “Is this about yesterday? Why did you get so mad about us talking about Avery getting what he deserved after the blood purism spiel he went on last week?”

Lily frowned at me, taking a moment to gather her thoughts before she spoke calmly. “To be frank with you, Kersti, I didn’t want to see you acting how James was before he settled down and matured in his behaviour and treatment of others this year. And I didn’t want you to start behaving like Black.”

I looked at her for a moment. “What do you mean, Lily?”

She sighed, tucking some hair behind her ears. “Well, it was a knee-jerk reaction, really. To them encouraging you. You’ve no idea what it was like, all those years when I was still friends with Severus. They relentlessly bullied him, for no other reason than the fact that he was different, that maybe he didn’t have the nicest robes or the best looks. When they were encouraging you, it… it must have touched a nerve in me. It reminded me of how they’d egg each other on to humiliate Severus.”

I looked at Lily for a long moment. She raised her pretty green eyes to meet mine, her smile pinched. “I… I had no idea, Lily. I wouldn’t have joined in on their encouraging if I’d known about all the bad blood that it was dredging up.”

“It’s okay, really. You know, I used to hate James, I really did. I’ve told you about how he still drives me barmy sometimes. But yesterday, it was as if I was watching the James Potter from previous years, the one whom I used to hate, reemerge.” 

“I take it that there’s a very good reason that you’re not the biggest fan of Sirius, then?” 

“Yes, well, there’s that too. It’s not like I have a bone to pick with him, I just don’t like how he can be a bully. He was more so in previous years, but there’s still that mean, vengeful streak of him remaining that I don’t care for at all.”

“I really didn’t know about all the bad history between you and the Marauders, Lily. I’ve known you and them for such little time that I never even stopped to consider what might’ve happened in the past between you and them. Well, you and James mostly,” I said, watching her. 

“It’s alright, it’s not your fault. I’ll admit that I can’t stand Avery either, and that he was being mean to you, and that he’s by no means a nice person, I just had an instinctual reaction to James and Black egging you on, that’s all.” She paused, sighing. “It’s hard to watch James act differently, when his best mate is encouraging him, than how he’s been treating me this year.”

I looked at her for a long moment. “I’m sorry about Severus, Lily. You’ve only mentioned him in passing to me, but I can’t begin to imagine what it must’ve felt like to lose a friendship like that, especially since you two had been friends for so long. You mentioned that you grew up with him?” 

Lily smiled sadly. “Yes. I met him when we were nine. The neighbourhoods where we grew up were very close to each other.” She looked away from me for a long moment, staring off into the distance, lost in thought. 

“You know what, Lily? Let’s not talk about this. This is awfully depressing talk for a Tuesday morning,” I said, seeing her eyes staring at nothing in particular as she wrestled with her memories and emotions, which was a silent, agonizing internal battle of which I would never truly know the magnitude. 

Lily turned her gaze back to me, giving me a small smile. “Yes, let’s.” She cleared her throat, smiling at me fondly. “You see, there’s no need to proclaim that I’m perfect, since I so obviously made a mistake with my reaction yesterday.” 

I scoffed, returning her smile. “That’s a singular imperfect action, Lily, if you can even call it that. Besides that you’re totally perfect.” 

She blushed, tucking the red hair that had fallen forward back behind her ears. “You know, you’re really starting to sound like James when you talk like that.”

I offered her a cheeky smile. “But it’s the truth.”

She made a face at me. “It’s based on perception, that’s all.”

“Perception? Objectively you’re the person who everyone else wants to be.”

She turned even redder, smoothing the front of her uniform self-consciously. “Did I inadvertently pay for some sort of bizarre service that sends a seventh-year Ravenclaw to shower me with compliments?” she joked. 

I laughed. “No one’s paying me to compliment you, my most gorgeous Lily Evans. Potter and I merely do so because we’ve got two well-functioning eyes, and we’ve both been graced with your angelic presence.”

Lily laughed. “Well, your eyes might be good, but I’m not sure about James’s.”

I looked at her, mouth open in surprise. “Lily! Insulting your beau!”

She swatted at me. “Oh, stop. That’s a fact too.” 

“I’m going to tell him that you called him blind when he finally shows up to Transfiguration.”

Lily’s eyes went wide. “No! Don’t you dare, Kersti! He’d be so badly wounded that he’d go off and mope in a corner for a week.” 

I laughed. “I’m going to tell him, I’m going to tell him!”

“I swear on my wand, I will use my Transfiguration textbook on you!”

“Lily thinks her boyfriend is a hopeless blind man,” I said in a teasing, sing-song voice. 

“Kersti Ridgelow, I will obliviate you if you don’t swear to not tell him that!” 

“Does he have good aim when he leans in for a kiss, Lily? Or is it hit-or-miss since he can’t see where he’s sticking his lips?”

“Kersti, you teasing ninny! Don’t be ridiculous!” 

Suddenly, yells and shouts cut through the quiet talking of the students who had gathered in the corridor outside the Transfiguration classroom. Lily and I turned away from our conversation in time to see Peter barrel around the corner and down the hallway, running as fast as he could. He was clutching his book bag to his chest as he ran, and with his smaller, agile form he was dodging groups of students gathered together in the corridor at the far end from us as he went. 

“Wormtail! Get back here!” 

“Go get him, Padfoot!” 

Sirius whipped around the corner, running full tilt after Peter, evidently chasing him. James was right behind Sirius, and I felt bad for Peter, who let out a squeak of fear at his two tall friends who were chasing after him. 

“You can’t escape me, Wormy!” Sirius called out, grinning like a crazed idiot when he saw Peter up ahead. Peter continued running and Sirius bounded after him, his dark hair and robes sailing out behind him as he ran. James was decidedly more gangly-looking as he ran, his hair sticking up every which way, his glasses and robes askew. 

“Wormtail! Stop running! You’ll never outrun us!” James yelled, grinning from ear to ear. 

Peter looked up, his pace faltering, and spotted me and Lily farther down the corridor, mouths agape at the sight of such a great hullabaloo. He switched tactics, knowing that his short legs were no match for James and Sirius’s long ones, and made a beeline for us, perhaps thinking that he would be safe from his friends when their two lady friends were there. He scurried up to us. 

“Help me! Please! They’re trying to make me-” 

“Wormtail! You can’t hide behind them! I see you!” Sirius said, charging down the hallway. The other students were quick to leap out of the way of the two boys as they rocketed towards me and Lily, and we were starting to fear an imminent collision between the four of us, as we didn’t know if the boys would be able to slow their momentum enough. Peter yelped and jumped to stand behind Lily and I as James and Sirius slid to a stop in front of us, chests heaving, hair windblown, silly grins splitting their faces. 

“James, what on earth are you trying to do to Peter?” Lily said, raising an eyebrow at them. 

He grinned from ear to ear, reaching a hand up to ruffle his hair, as if it needed to be mussed any more than it already was. “It wasn’t me, Lily. It was all Padfoot’s doing.”

Sirius ran a hand through his waves, returning them to their normal, tousled state. It was too bad, as I thought that the windblown state that his hair had been in before was very sexy. “Come on, Wormtail. No need to be dramatic about it.” He held up a bottle of some clear liquid which he’d been holding in his right hand. “It’s only Gigglewater.”

“Gigglewater?” Lily said. 

Sirius grinned, taking a moment to give me an appreciative once-over. Maybe I was looking more fuckable than usual this morning? “American brand. Not so common here, but I managed to get my hands on some.” 

“We were only going to make Wormtail drink a little of it, that’s all,” James said, pushing his glasses up his nose. 

“That can’t be legal, can it?” Lily muttered. 

“Forcing Peter to drink it or possessing it in the first place?” I said, laughing. 

“Neither, kitten,” Sirius said, smirking at me. “Which is why it’s so entertaining.”

“If only we hadn’t been feeling magnanimous and given him that headstart outside of the Common Room,” James said. 

“But then it wouldn’t’ve been a competition in the slightest, seeing as you two have quite lanky legs,” I said. 

Sirius let out a bark of laughter, clapping James on the back. “Next time we won’t be so kind, will we, Prongs?” 

Lily was looking torn between wanting to enact her duties as Head Girl and keeping the peace, but thankfully Remus’s appearance at the end of the corridor stopped her from having to say anything. He saw the five of us standing together and jogged over to us. 

“You took refuge behind Evans and Ridgelow, Wormtail?” he said, smiling at his friends. 

“He did, the sneaky bugger,” Sirius said, making room for Remus to stand between him and James. 

“I told you that you shouldn’t have given him the head start, Padfoot,” Remus said. I smiled, shaking my head at the thought of how the antics that I saw were just the tip of the iceberg when it came to the four of them. “Come out then, mate. I reckon the danger’s passed. For now,” he said to Peter. 

Peter came out from behind me and Lily, straightening his robes. “Why did I agree to that?” he said, laughing. 

“You didn’t, mate. I have Gigglewater, and I wanted to use it on someone. You were the perfect victim,” Sirius said, grinning at his friend. 

“Is that why you burst out laughing this morning during breakfast?” Lily said. 

Peter nodded. “Padfoot put some in my goblet without telling me.”

“It was only a splash.”

“I watched him do it, Wormtail. It really was only a splash,” James said. 

“How long would a whole bottle affect someone?” I asked Sirius. 

He grinned at me. “It depends, kitten. How good is your tolerance?”

“Tolerance? It’s alcoholic?” Lily said quickly. 

Sirius’s grin widened and he shot me a wink. “Of course. It wouldn’t be any fun if it weren’t alcoholic.” 

“Black, I’m sorry but I’ll have to confiscate that,” Lily said, not sounding sorry at all about the prospect of seizing his Gigglewater. 

“No, Lily, wait. We don’t have to confiscate it, don’t you think that’s a bit harsh? We only gave Wormtail a splash, that was all, I promise,” James said, jumping in before Lily could try to reach over and take the bottle from Sirius’s grasp. Not that she would be very effective, as he would probably hold it above her head where it was too high up to reach. 

She turned to him, giving him a disparaging look. “You’re Head Boy, James. Why don’t you do the honours and take it from your friend?” 

“Well, er… yes, I could do that…” he said, hesitating as he ruffled the top of his hair nervously. 

Lily scowled at him. “Kersti, why don’t you take it from him, then? Seeing as James won’t do it and Black takes you seriously.”

Sirius flashed me his shit-eating grin. “You’re absolutely right, Evans. I do  _ take _ her very  _ Siriusly _ .” 

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “For Lily’s sake, could I please have the Gigglewater, old man?” 

“Come and take it from me, kitten,” he said, holding up the bottle. I stepped near to him but he did just as I had predicted and held the bottle out of my reach. He grinned at me. “Sorry, kitten. I don’t think I’m ready to give this up quite yet.”

“I said please, didn’t I, old man?” I said as I tried to snatch the bottle from him several times, to no avail. All it was doing was making me end up closer and closer to Sirius, until I was nearly pressed up against his body. 

“Alright, that’s enough of that,” Lily said quickly as Sirius and I laughed, smirking at each other. “I’ll have that bottle, Black, or I’ll start docking House points.” 

Remus reached behind Sirius’s back and took the bottle from his hand, and then handed it to Lily, who flashed him an appreciative smile. “Thank you, Remus,” she said, stashing the bottle in her bag.

He shrugged. “I’ve got to live up to Dumbledore’s and McGongall’s expectations at least some of the time that I can rein in Padfoot and Prongs.”

James laid a hand against his forehead melodramatically. “Oh, Moony, you are such a kind soul to put up with us!” Peter giggled at this. 

Lily shook her head, laughing. “James, you’re so dramatic.”

“If it makes you laugh, my beautiful Lily-flower, then I’ll be dramatic until the day I die,” he said, giving her a loopy smile. 

“Sorry about the Gigglewater, old man,” I said to Sirius. 

He shrugged, smiling as he looked at me. “Don’t tell Evans,” he said, leaning over to whisper in my ear, “but I’ve got two other bottles of that in the dormitory.” 

I grinned at him. “What else have you got in your dormitory, old man?”

“For one, a bed that I rather enjoy fucking you in. And some other things for making mischief.”

“Is that what we do in your four-poster bed, old man? ‘Make mischief?’”

Sirius grinned at me. “We can call it that if you want, kitten. Or we can relegate that label to the Gigglewater and the like.”

“And to the tracking thing that you and Rotter use.”

“Of course, kitten. That too. Evans would hang me and Prongs by our ears from the chandelier if she saw the sorts of things we have in our dormitory.”

“It can’t be too bad, whatever you stash in there. It must be mostly your collection of walking canes.”

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh. “You’ve been in there, can you honestly say that you saw a single bloody cane lying around?” 

I laughed. “Yes. In fact, I think I saw two or three hiding in your wardrobe.”

Sirius laughed and started poking me in the sides with his fingers. “Wrong answer, kitten.” 

Laughing, I tried to squirm and twist away from his jabbing fingers, but he was relentless and had perfect aim, two skills that he must have honed in all his years of playing quidditch. “No, stop, Sirius! I already nearly pissed my pants laughing this morning over breakfast!”

“It’s not my fault that you can’t dish it out and take it,” he said, grinning as he continued poking me. 

“Stop flirting right in front of me,” James said, rolling his eyes at us. “I think I might retch.” 

Sirius halted his digital attack on me. “If you’re feeling left out, Rotter, I can always come over there and hold your hand like you wanted to on Saturday,” I said. 

Lily giggled, while Remus and Sirius chuckled at James’s expression, complete with raised eyebrows and a mouth that was agape. “Now that’s simply bloody disgusting, Grindylow. Why would I ever willingly hold your hand?” He flashed Lily a smile and grabbed her hand as she stood beside him. “The only hands I want to hold are those of my dear Lily-flower.”

“That was your downfall. You were too busy trying to hold the hand of who you thought was Lily that you didn’t realize that it wasn’t actually Lily,” I said, making Sirius laugh. 

“Piss off, Grindylow. You look like something that the cat dragged in.”

“Shut up, Rotter,” I said, laughing at his animal pun. 

“How does that work, you two bicker like an old, grumpy married couple but Prongs is dating Evans?” Remus said. 

“Like a married couple heading for a divorce,” Lily said, smiling. 

Sirius chuckled and I made a face. “Over my dead body am I going near Rotter.”

“You two will never get along,” Peter said, laughing. 

James flashed me an evil grin. “Like I’ve said, it’s all a bloody mess that we’re pitted to the death, Stripes.”

Lily laughed, shaking her head. “You just live to be dramatic, don’t you, James?”

He bowed for her, tipping an imaginary hat to her. “Anything for you, my lovely Lily-of-the-Valley.” 

Sirius and I pretended to retch. “My eyes, Prongs! If you’re so eager to seduce your girlfriend, at least head back to the dormitory before you start fucki-”

“Padfoot, you dog! Get your mind out of the gutter!” James said. 

“He’s such a horny old man, he can’t help himself,” I said, laughing. 

“Don’t make me tickle you again, kitten.”

“Stop it, you three dolts!” Lily said. “Look, McGonagall’s letting students into the classroom now.” She was laughing, cheeks flushed and happiness evident in her expression. I was glad then for James, who had managed to completely erase the sad memories that had been plaguing her when we had begun to talk about Snape earlier. I could see how Lily’s face lit up whenever James was around, save for the odd occasion when he was reverting back to his previous arrogant-toerag ways. I might not have known Lily for that long, but I could see that James Potter was a much-needed, happy addition to her life. 

  
  
  
  


My morning classes passed smoothly enough, and in particular I had a very good time in Ancient Runes with Lily. We were both at the top of the class, and both of our grades were so much higher than the others’ that the professor had decided to give us extra advanced materials to study, which Lily and I relished in doing. Tess, Emily, Lia and I were walking down to the Great Hall for lunch, and we were heading down the last few stairs near the Great Hall when I noticed a group of five seventh-year Hufflepuff boys standing by the doors, gathered in a group. They looked like they were waiting for someone to arrive, and one of them would occasionally take a second to scan the corridor, before going back to the amical conversation that the five of them were having. We reached the bottom of the stairs, and one of them, a tall, thin boy with blond hair, looked up and, seeing us, said something to his brunette friend. 

“What are they looking at?” Tess grumbled. “Is it so unusual to see Ravenclaws going to lunch?”

I shrugged. “Are they quidditch blokes?” 

She shook her head. “No. Never seen them before. I don’t know them.”

One of the Hufflepuff boys separated himself from his group of friends as we neared them on our way to the Great Hall. He was rather good-looking, with neatly-styled brown hair and a certain confidence that was evident in how he watched our group nearing him, and in how he walked away from his friends to intercept us. With a sinking heart, I realized that he was staring fixedly at me. 

“Kersti, he’s staring at you,” Tess whispered, giggling, before the four of us had to stop when he intercepted us. 

“Hello,” he said, nodding at our group. 

“Hi,” Emily said. 

“H-hi,” Lia said, cautiously. I noticed how she was ogling him from her spot beside me, clearly very interested in this good-looking Hufflepuff seventh-year who had approached us. 

The boy’s brown eyes scanned our group briefly before they landed on me. “Ridgelow,” he said, nodding to me. “Can I have a word?”

My eyebrows shot up. “Er, alright…” I said. Did I know this bloke? Had I forgotten about him when I actually knew him from somewhere? 

“In private,” he said, offering a smile to Emily, Tess and Lia. They exchanged a confused look with me, before they muttered that they would be waiting with a spot for me at the Ravenclaw table. Lia gave him a lingering look and reluctantly walked away, following Emily and Tess. 

He smiled widely at me, and walked a few paces away to a spot that was off to the side and a little ways away from his Hufflepuff friends, who were watching us. I followed him and stopped as he turned to face me. 

“Er… do I know you?” I asked. 

He offered me an easy, confident smile. “My name’s Andrew Flewelling. No, we don’t know each other.” 

I raised an eyebrow, looking confused. 

He cleared his throat. “I must confess, I didn’t know who you were until I saw you with Avery in the Great Hall, and, well, I couldn’t help but notice you then. Would you like to go on a date with me?” 

I stared at him for a moment, my brain taking a moment to catch up with what he’d just said. “You… er… oh,” I finished lamely. 

He flashed me a smile, standing with his hands in his robe pockets. “You caught my attention, and I’d like to know more about you. Of course, I didn’t know if you were already seeing someone, so I thought that I’d ask.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his four friends standing together, watching him ask me on a date. I cleared my throat, meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry, Flewelling, but I’ll have to decline that offer.”

He looked totally unperturbed by my rejection. “I’m not stepping on anyone’s toes, am I?” he said. “You’re not dating Avery, are you?”

I shook my head. “Oh, no, no. Not Avery. No, I don’t want a relationship. Sorry, it’s not you, it’s, er…” 

He flashed me a smile, unfazed by how his plan to ask me on a date had gone in the wrong direction. “No need to apologize, Ridgelow. I’ll see you around, yeah?” he said, and then he shot me a last confident smile and walked away to his friends. I stood there for a moment in confusion, waiting until the Hufflepuff boys had gone on their way into the Great Hall, and then went on my own way through the doors and off to the Ravenclaw table. 

I sat down next to Emily when I’d reached the girls sitting farther down the table. 

“What happened?” Lia asked, watching my face. 

I scrubbed at my face before I answered her. “He asked me on a date.”

Emily chuckled. “He’s bold, I’ll give him that.”

“That’s so random though. Why now?” Tess said. 

“He said that he’d noticed me after I’d had my shouting match with Avery yesterday morning.”

Emily chuckled. “Well, that would do it. You had most of the Hall staring at you two.”

“Wasn’t my intention,” I muttered. I saw Lia looking at me for a long moment. I wished that Andrew Flewelling had asked her on a date instead of me, since she was the one who was attracted to him. I cleared my throat. “Tess, do you know what the schedule is for who’s using the quidditch pitch?” 

She looked up, flashing me a grin. “Of course. Fancy a fly to get your mind off the recent drama in your life?” 

I mirrored her grin. “You’re still an ace at  _ arresto momentum _ , aren’t you, Lia?” 

She looked up from picking at her cuticles. “Yes. You two made me play your game so many times last year that I could do it in my sleep now.”

Emily clapped her hands together. “Merlin, I miss our flying target practice game! Yes, Tessie, what’s the schedule tomorrow for the pitch?”

A massive grin split Tess’s face from ear to ear. “Finally, something that I actually enjoy discussing! And something to look forward to tomorrow! You know, I think I’ll even find a couple of bludgers to add into the mix.” 

Emily and I high-fived. “You’re telling me that you weren’t looking forward to handing in that Defense essay that’s due tomorrow?” Lia teased her. 

Tess rolled her eyes, but was distracted from dishing out a cutting reply by the appearance of the food. “I’ll ask Southgate about the schedule, he would have it since he has to run the practices,” she said, still grinning. As Tess fell into an ardent discussion with Emily about tomorrow’s flying expedition, I sipped at a cup of tea, trying in vain to understand how the wheels of my seventh-year had fallen off so completely and quickly, leaving my personal life to fall down a pit into uncharted territory, making it so different from all my six previous years at school. 

  
  
  
  


That night the respite from my dreams ended, and I woke up crying and thrashing from the recurring dream that I’d had since sixth year, the one in which I was shot by Muggle hunters. This time, the dream had continued for longer than usual, leaving me to float above the dream-scene, watching the hunters walking over to crouch next to my dead animagus body, talking to themselves and poking and prodding at my orange and black hide. Unfortunately, I had been struck by the Seer dream in my first few hours of sleep in the night, and I was so disturbed by what I had seen that I had gone outside to the forest after only a few short hours of sleep, leaving me to run and pace the grounds until I went back into the castle for breakfast. I was exhausted, and the incessant staring and whispering directed at me only served to irritate me, with the result that I simply wanted to be left alone during the day. The girls were much better than everyone else at understanding that I sometimes just needed to be left alone, and so I chose to spend time with them between classes, burying my head in a book as they talked amongst themselves, and I largely avoided the Marauders, as I didn’t feel that I had the energy to be around them at the moment. I saw Lily glancing at me worriedly, until I offered her a smile and a wave in passing outside Defense Against the Dark Arts. Emily sat next to me in DADA and was very kind and promised to keep watch and wake me up if the professor called on me or noticed me, and so I spent the class dozing in my spot, ignoring Avery glaring at me from his seat. Emily had also burnt a flying note that he had sent me as I dozed, and she told me that it had been a very salacious one asking me if I considered thirty galleons enough money for me to make a clandestine, nocturnal trip to his dormitory. 

By the time that classes were done on Wednesday, both Tess and I were looking forward to having an afternoon flying session to get away from the recent events. When the four of us finally got down to the empty quidditch pitch after our last classes of the day, I realized that it was nice to have a little break from the Marauders for a day, as well as to get my mind off the drama that had been plaguing my life since my two rows in the Great Hall. This was the first time that we had played our flying game this year, though we had played it many times every time we were at school, ever since Tess, Emily and I had come up with the concept of the game in fourth year. The rules were simple: two of us would fly around the quidditch pitch, within reach of the spells that the third person would fire at us, in an attempt to knock us off our brooms. The fourth person was there to cast  _ arresto momentum _ , so that no one would suffer any injuries from falling off a speeding broom. Lia was afraid of heights, and Emily adored trying to hex and jinx me and Tess off our brooms mid-air, and so that typically left Lia to cast  _ arresto momentum _ if anyone should fall, which had led to her thoroughly mastering the spell. As we’d all progressed in our magical skills and knowledge, Emily’s aim and the reach of her spells had gotten so good that Tess and I could fly much higher up now, leaving Lia entirely responsible for saving us from breaking our necks. Emily loved the game too because she said that it helped with her aim for Duelling Club, not that she needed any more practice in duelling the shit out of anyone and everyone, while Tess loved it because she swore up and down that it honed her quidditch skills. Today, she had let two bludgers loose on the pitch as well, leaving me and her to dodge both them and Emily’s jinxes as we whipped around the pitch, a nervous Lia trying to call out to us to duck and swerve when one of the bludgers zoomed our way. 

To our disappointment, we were interrupted after an hour by the Hufflepuff team coming out to practice, and the Hufflepuff captain had called Madam Hooch on us because of our “dangerous and reckless behaviour.” Hooch had given the four of us a thorough scolding, threatening a guilty Tess with her removal from the Ravenclaw team, but she had eventually sent the four of us on our way back to the Common Room. She had, however, given me, Tess and Emily detention to be served on Friday evening, while Lia had gotten off scot-free since she had neither been on a broom flying around like a lunatic, nor had she been actively throwing jinxes and hexes at me and Tess in order to knock us off. Emily in particular was given a harsher punishment than me and Tess, as Hooch considered it to be worse that she had been using magic against the two of us, even if we had explained that it was all in good fun. Emily had to report to Flitwick on Friday, and he was sure to give her a severe punishment, given that he expected better behaviour from the students in his House. Nevertheless, not one of us regretted deciding to play our flying target-practice game, as we’d all had an amazingly good time together, and I thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity to take my mind off the recent explosions and drama that had occurred in my life.


	20. Graffiti

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to be making this into a multi-part fanfiction. This is of course part one, which will cover Kersti’s final year at Hogwarts, and the next part will cover 1978-1981, etc. There will be four parts in total to the story. This first part will be a long one, with 60 or more chapters and lots of character development and dynamics :) Also, sorry for the delay in getting this chapter posted, I had a week from hell that was full of homework.

Thursday morning dawned clear and calm outside the castle, but when the girls and I reached the Great Hall, inside the castle it was anything but that. All of the tables were a buzz of activity, with students of all years whispering and talking in tense voices. All the nervous energy and commotion was affecting not just the entire student body, but the professors as well, who were talking in lowered, strained tones to each other, some standing in twos and threes by the professors’ table as the students ate, others walking to and from the Great Hall. Dumbledore was nowhere in sight, which was unusual given the state of emotional disarray throughout the school that morning. As I sipped my morning cup of tea, I overheard mentions of graffiti and the Hufflepuff House, but all the students had wildly different stories, and it seemed that whatever had happened, it had only been discovered first thing in the morning, and so no one it seemed had all the facts straight about what had happened. I saw McGonagall summon all the prefects and both the Head Girl and Boy to talk to in tight circle in front of the staff table, but the girls and I and the rest of the students who didn’t hold any positions of authority were shooed out of the Great Hall when breakfast was done, as there were still classes to attend. 

Lily wasn’t in her usual spot outside of Advanced Charms when I showed up before class, and I figured that McGonagall must still be talking to her and James and the prefects in the Great Hall about whatever had caused the disturbance this morning. 

“Hello, kitten.”

I looked up from reading my wandless magic book to see Sirius and Peter walking towards me, but there was no Remus, Lily or James in sight. Sirius’s face was tense and his grey eyes were fixed on me as he and Peter stopped to stand with me. 

“Do you know what’s going on?” I asked Sirius. 

He gave me a long, searching look. “Some gits wrote graffiti on the walls near the entrance to the Hufflepuff Common Room last night.” 

I looked at him in surprise. “What kind of graffiti?” 

He looked at me sadly. “Slurs. About your kind, Muggleborns. Prongs didn’t know what every one of the graffiti said, but he mentioned that it was along the lines of ‘kill all mudbloods,’ ‘mudblood filth,’ and the like.” 

I felt my stomach drop in fear, the colour draining from my face. Sirius gave me a long look, watching my reaction. “Were they put there in the night?” I said. 

Sirius nodded. “And I reckon that the culprits were from Slytherin. Fucking filthy gits.” 

I clenched my jaw, willing my cold hands to stop shaking. “I’d bet a large amount of money that our dear friend Avery was at least partially responsible,” I said, meeting Sirius’s gaze. 

Sirius bared his teeth in a threatening grin. “No doubt, kitten. Avery, Mulciber, Snivellus, Rosier, all the usual suspects. Especially since Avery made his opinions on Muggleborns and Halfbloods so crystal clear last week.”

I raised a hand to rub my face, my hands still shaking despite my best efforts. “I s’ppose it was only a matter of time before it escalated beyond words and empty threats.”

Sirius was looking at me sadly. “I’m sorry, kitten. If it makes you feel better, Wormtail and I will be here to fend off any Slytherin attacks.” 

I offered him a pinched smile. “Thank you, Sirius.”

He smiled at me, his grey eyes searching my face. “You should’ve seen Prongs too, kitten. He’s about ready to go on a rampage, especially because of Moony and Evans. If you asked him nicely I’m sure he would get vengeful on your behalf too.”

I chuckled. “Yes, well, he really is a force to be reckoned with when anyone comes between him and those he cares about. I would know, as I experienced it first hand in the forest.”

Sirius chuckled while Peter studied me, chewing a fingernail. “He’s gotten over that now, though. It took him a while to come round, but now he’ll grudgingly admit that you’re not half-bad, kitten.”

I smiled ruefully. “He just doesn’t have the same opinion of me as you do, old man.”

“Isn’t that a good thing, kitten? Or else I’d have competition and Evans wouldn’t be your friend anymore.” 

I laughed, elbowing Sirius. “Can’t keep your mind out of the gutter, old man? How often do you think about sex in a day anyway?” 

Sirius grinned, grey eyes alight. “Nearly constantly. Especially when you’re around, kitten,” he said, throwing me a wink. 

I grinned back at him. “At least you know how to distract me from a grave situation at hand, old man.”

Sirius pretended to look shocked. “Fuck, I guess I am really good at that.” He turned and high-fived Peter. “Look how good I am at distracting her, Wormtail!”

“That’s just what you are, old man: a massive distraction.”

“I’m the best kind of distraction, kitten.”

“A most sinful distraction.”

“Sinful will do, kitten, but I prefer ‘mischievous’ or ‘bloody good-looking.’”

I rolled my eyes, laughing. “Let’s compromise on that, and I’ll give you ‘sinfully good-looking.’”

Sirius grinned, laying a hand on his chest dramatically. “Aw, kitten, you’re so sweet. Can I shower you with compliments now too?” 

“No, not in front of poor Peter, old man. I’m sure they’d be too graphic to be spoken in public,” I said, chuckling. 

Peter was blushing and squirming uncomfortably in place, and I didn’t blame him, as I’m sure most outsiders would feel very awkward if they had a front-row seat to me and Sirius sharing one of our flirtatious banters like there was no tomorrow. “I don’t… er… uh…” he stammered, looking from me to Sirius with his watery eyes. 

Sirius clapped Peter on the back. “Sorry about that, mate. You, Prongs and Moony would know best about how I’ve got a soft spot for good-looking girls.” He paused to look me up and down suggestively. “Especially mind-bogglingly sexy ones like you, kitten.”

I shook my head wryly, laughing. “Keep it in your trousers, you horny old man.” I cleared my throat and smiled at Peter, who was fidgeting and looking down at his shoes. “Did you manage the essay alright, Peter?” 

His head snapped up, his face full of worry. “Essay? What essay?” 

I raised an eyebrow at him. “The one that’s due today?” 

His face went pale, his eyes darting to stare at Sirius. “No! Oh, no. I can’t afford to miss another one, I-”

“Fuck, I forgot about helping you with that one. Sorry, Wormtail,” Sirius said. 

“Have you got a start on it, Peter?” I asked. 

He nodded nervously and rummaged in his bag. He withdrew a crumpled bit of parchment and handed it shakily to me. I glanced over what little he had written, grabbing my own essay out of my bag to compare the two. “Oh, no, now that’s wrong. Oh. Oh, dear,” I muttered, frowning as I scanned Peter’s incomplete and very incorrect essay. Sirius leaned over, tilting his head to read over Peter’s essay in my hand. 

“Here, look. Those are the wrong effects,” he said, pointing out the part where Peter described the effects of the charm. 

“Yes, you’re right.” I looked up from my essay and gave Peter a smile. He was studying me silently, an odd expression on his face. “I’ll finish this for you, Peter, before Flitwick arrives.”

He blinked several times. “Oh… er… well, that would be … I mean, usually Prongs or Padfoot or Moony help me with the essays…” 

Sirius looked up at Peter, raising an eyebrow at him. “No need to sound so worried, Wormtail. Kersti’s at the top of the class, along with Evans. Isn’t that right, love?” 

I smiled. “Well, I think Lily’s ahead of me, but what matters is that I’ll doctor up your essay in no time, Peter.” 

He stared from Sirius to me, not saying anything. I took that as my cue to get out a book as a hard surface to write on, which I handed to Sirius so that I could have a hand free to hold my essay as I started writing on Peter’s parchment. Sirius held the book as I quickly jotted out what would be the correct essay for Peter, pausing here and there to consult what I’d already written for my own essay. I tried my best to imitate Peter’s disorganized, scrawling handwriting, and I left in some grammar mistakes and omitted some extra details that I’d included in my own essay, to make sure that Flitwick didn’t immediately suspect him of plagiarism. 

“Add in the wand movements, kitten,” Sirius said, reading what I was writing. 

I flashed him a smile. “Good idea, old man.”

I could see Peter scowling at me as I wrote his essay for him, crossing his arms defensively over his chest. After a little while, I finally finished the essay for him and looked up. 

“Here you go, Peter. All done,” I said, offering him a smile. 

He snatched the essay out of my hand, flashing a glower at Sirius before he scanned the essay, his eyes moving down the parchment. “Er… uh, it’s really good. Thanks,” he said curtly, not looking up from the essay to meet my eyes. 

Sirius handed me the book that he’d been holding as my writing surface and we exchanged a look. “No need to be so huffy, Wormtail. It’s only an essay,” he said. 

Peter stared fixedly down at the essay in his hands, not saying anything. Thankfully for him, Flitwick’s appearance marked our cue to head into the classroom, even though there was still no Remus, Lily or James in sight. 

“Is McGonagall keeping them from going to their first class?” I asked Sirius as we headed to the classroom. 

“Yeah. Probably giving them all instructions about what to do. Though I reckon they’ll be back for Potions.”

“You’ll have to take notes for once, then, since at the very least Remus will want to know about what happened in class.”

Sirius chuckled. “I guess he’ll just have to get notes from someone else. It would ruin my streak that I’ve had this year.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “And how many days long is your streak so far, old man?”

“I’ve yet to take notes in class this year, kitten.”

“How on earth does a good student like Remus put up with you, old man?” I joked. 

“The same way Evans puts up with you: ignoring the parts of me he doesn’t like.” Sirius paused to flash me a grin. “Mind you, not that I think that any part of me is worth ignoring.”

I laughed, shaking my head. We’d made it into the classroom with the other students and I realized that I would be sitting alone, seeing as Lily was occupied and wouldn’t be attending Charms class. Sirius noticed me hesitating and grinned wickedly at me. 

“Why don’t you sit with me and Wormtail, kitten? Seeing as you don’t have Evans here. It’ll be very  _ cozy _ with the three of us.”

I shrugged, smiling at him. “Oh, alright. If you insist, old man.”

He gave me a shit-eating grin, raising a dark eyebrow at me. “After you, kitten,” he said, gesturing to the desk where Peter was already sitting. Sirius and I squashed ourselves onto the bench, with him in between me and Peter. Flitwick got up on his stack of books and waved his wand, making all the essays from the students, including mine and Peter’s modified essay, zoom towards him, stacking themselves in a neat pile at the front of the room. I was already regretting that I had agreed to sit with Sirius, as now all of the girls in the class were staring blatantly at me, even more than they had already been at me bantering with Sirius outside the classroom. However, I realized that what was infinitely worse was that I was now in far too close proximity to Sirius to concentrate on anything other than him. The sneaky tosser had probably already known that sitting squashed up against him, my thigh against his, his scent washing over me, would reduce me to a quivering mess. As it stood, the whole length of my leg that was in contact with his was making my skin tingle everywhere, my body flushing and my heart racing. I tried to take notes as Flitwick began discussing the nuances of the Confundus charm, which I would have enjoyed learning more about, if I hadn’t been more focussed on every movement of Sirius’s body next to me. 

Sirius shifted beside me, stretching his arms and causing him to bump me with his elbow. “Sorry, kitten,” he whispered, but the sincerity of his words was ruined when he turned to flash me a smirk, eyeing me. I raised an eyebrow at him, knowing that he’d bumped me on purpose, before I went back to jotting down some notes distractedly. I stared down at my bit of parchment as his smell washed over my animagus nose, the same scents that had wafted from my batch of Amortentia. God, how did he smell so fucking good? I didn’t know if I’d be able to get through an entire Charms class sitting next to him, as I was ready to jump his bones and the lesson had only just begun. I wanted to grab him by his dark locks and kiss the living daylights out of him before I fucked him silly. I raised a hand to rub my face, my body tense with repressed urges. 

Sirius rested an elbow on the desk beside Peter, propping his head up with his chin in his palm. I watched a smirk curving his perfect lips before I jolted in surprise when the hand closest to me landed on my thigh under the desk. I swallowed, letting out a shaky breath. I stared down at my notes as the hand on my thigh drove me increasingly to distraction, even though Sirius hadn’t moved his hand anywhere, even though all he was doing at the moment was making my skin burn as if scorched where his hand was resting. I turned my gaze to him, watching as he pretended to pay attention to what Flitwick was saying, despite his widening smirk giving him away. Jesus fucking Christ, how was he so handsome? He was so good-looking that even after I’d spent over a month now running into him and being in close proximity to him, and even after I’d slept with him four times already, he never failed to astonish me with how achingly handsome he was. He had it all, really. It was one thing to be walking around with such perfect features, but his actions and personal image only contributed to his sexiness and charm. No wonder the bloke had slept with so many girls; he could get anyone to sleep with him with his good looks. And on top of that, if a girl needed something more convincing than his handsomeness to climb into his bed (like me), then his bad-boy, troublemaker charm would certainly do the trick. 

I quelled a shudder that threatened to pass through me when Sirius started carelessly running his fingers over my leg, still pretending to focus on Flitwick. Thankfully Peter seemed oblivious to what his promiscuous friend was doing, and so was the rest of the class. Sirius ran his fingertips back and forth along my thigh, making my skin prickle and stomach drop. Soon enough, he got bored of merely grazing me with the tips of his fingers, and so he began running his full hand from my knee to the edge of my skirt, fingers running dangerously close to my inner thighs. I stiffened when I felt him firmly squeeze my thigh, and then he began toying with the hem of my skirt, everywhere his fingers touched making my skin burn. 

“Sirius, not in class,” I whispered, laying a hand over his insistent one to stop it. 

He turned away from Flitwick, flashing me a lazy grin. “But later?” he said, raising an eyebrow at me. 

“Not in public. In your dormitory or a broom cupboard, yes.” 

He grinned at me. “You know, I’ll hold you to your word, kitten.”

I returned his grin. “I know you will, old man. In fact, I’m counting on it. You can’t just tease me and then not deliver.”

“Well, I aim to please, don’t I?” he said, flashing me a wicked grin before he dove his hand on my thigh down under my skirt. 

“Sirius, I’m being serious. Control yourself, you horny old man,” I said, grabbing the exploratory hand in mine. 

“I don’t even have to tell you that I’m being Sirius too, love. You already know it. And if you wanted to hold hands with me, you could’ve just said something. I would’ve been more than happy to oblige.” 

I smiled ruefully. “You’re such a tosser, you know that?” 

He returned my smile and was about to say something when Flitwick spoke up. 

“Miss Ridgelow, Mr Black. Is our lecture on the Confundus charm not entertaining enough for you this morning?” he said, eyes flashing behind his glasses. 

“Sorry, Professor,” I muttered, while Sirius merely shot him a charming smile before Flitwick turned his attention back to the lesson. 

“So, do you have a preference, kitten? Dormitory or broom cupboard or somewhere more interesting?” Sirius whispered to me, his hands now safely back in his own space. 

“Dormitory, of course.”

He flashed me a grin, grey eyes lingering on me. “Dormitory it is, kitten. But we’ll have to skip class if you want to go there.”

I shrugged. “It’ll be much more fun than going to class.”

“I completely agree, kitten. I’m tempted to leave right now and fuck you in-” 

“Mr Black! Five points from Gryffindor for your inability to sit and listen and not disrupt the class,” Flitwick snapped at him. 

Sirius pushed a strand of hair out of his face and merely gave Flitwick the same charming smile, no doubt the one he’d used for so many years to get out of trouble. 

Flitwick scowled at him from atop his stack of books. “If you choose to disrupt the class again with your talking, Mr Black, then you will be receiving yet another detention. Do you understand?”

“Of course, Professor,” Sirius said nonchalantly, and flashed me a wink when Flitwick wasn’t looking. I smiled at him, shaking my head, before I went back to my notes. Unfortunately, I couldn’t concentrate at all during the Charms class, not with Sirius right next to me, his thigh still flush against mine, and so I gave up on my notes and instead let my thoughts wander, thinking about all the naughty things that I wanted to do to the tall, dark and handsome Gryffindor King sitting next to me when we would sneak up to his dormitory sometime later today. When Charms class ended, Peter, Sirius and I left the classroom together, making our way down to Potions, where Lily, James and Remus would be hopefully rejoining us. Sirius and I couldn’t have made a bigger scene than we did, walking together with Peter in behind, and everyone was staring at us as we descended the many floors to the Dungeons. 

“How often d’you have to retch up hairballs, kitten? I wouldn’t know, since dogs never get them,” Sirius said as we descended a flight of stairs. 

“They’re not just relegated to felines, old man.”

“Really? Because I’ve never gotten a hairball before.”

“Dogs can get them too, old man.”

“No, they can’t, kitten.”

I chuckled. “Well, at the very least you don’t get them because you don’t clean yourself; you don’t self-groom.”

Sirius looked at me, eyebrows raised. “I do clean myself! Can you honestly take a look at me and say that I don’t?” he said, gesturing to himself. “Plus, I wouldn’t’ve been able to get you to finally fuck me if I didn’t,” he said, offering me a wink and a smirk. 

I shrugged, smiling at him impishly. “Dunno. If I remember correctly, your animagus form was rather mangy.”

“Mangy?!” 

I grinned at his surprised expression. “And there are the fleas too, old man.”

Sirius pouted. “Why’re you picking on me today, kitten? Are you grouchy because you’ve got a hairball stuck in your throat?”

I laughed and elbowed him. “If I do, you know I’d just retch it up on you, old man.”

“Aw, kitten. You’re so sweet, sharing your hairballs with me. Can I share my fleas with you?” 

“I reckon I already have them from fucking you so many times, old man.” 

“Well, kitten, then you’ll be getting more fleas from me later today.”

I wiggled my eyebrows at him. “I look forward to it, you mangy, filthy, flea-ridden old man.”

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh. “Now that you remind me, there’s a spot that’s really itchy that I can’t get to. Will you do the honours and scratch it for me, kitten?”

I laughed. “With Stripes’s claws?”

“Only if you’ll be gentle about it. I won’t have you shredding me.”

“I don’t think I can be gentle when the claws come out,” I said, laughing. 

Sirius pretended to stroke his chin thoughtfully. “You know, you’re right. Poor Moony really took a beating when you got involved.”

I smiled, thinking about how I’d unintentionally gotten myself involved with the infamous Marauders that full moon. “I’m sure my claws are sharper than yours too, old man.”

“Why? Because you can retract them?” 

“Exactly, old man. I’ve shredded tree trunks with them.”

Sirius chuckled, looking at me. “Very impressive, kitten. Do you climb trees too?”

“Of course. I’m not some sorry excuse for a tiger.”

“I’d expect nothing less from you, kitten.”

“I can climb trees too,” Peter muttered from behind us as we descended the stairs into the Dungeons. 

Sirius turned to flash him a grin. “And you always do a brilliant job with handling the Whomping Willow, Wormtail. We couldn’t do it without you.”

Peter straightened up proudly at Sirius’s comment, probably feeling happy that he’d finally been included in the conversation. “I froze the Whomping Willow in record time last full moon, didn’t I?” 

Sirius clapped Peter on the back, grinning at him. “You sure did, Wormtail. Must’ve been a new personal record. How long did it take you?” 

“Five seconds, I think.”

“I’ll have to make a bet with Prongs and Moony about whether you can do it in less time than that.” 

Peter smiled. “How much will you bet on me, Padfoot?” 

Sirius shrugged as we drew near to the Potions classroom. “Twenty galleons? How does that sound, Wormtail?” 

“I think it should be more.” 

“More? You’ll make me a poor man, Wormtail,” Sirius said, chuckling. 

James, Lily and Remus were waiting in the corridor outside the classroom, gathered in a circle and talking in lowered voices. They all looked very tense, especially Lily, who wasn’t quite managing her usual warm smile and instead her features looked pinched. She looked away from James and Remus when she saw us approaching, offering me a close-lipped smile. 

“Hi, Kersti. How was Charms this morning? Sorry that I missed it,” she said. 

“That’s alright, Lily,” I said as Sirius and I stopped to stand with the three of them. “I took some notes for you.”

She tried to smile at me, but she was clearly too bothered by the graffiti to manage a proper one. “Thank you. Have you heard about the vandalism?”

I nodded and shared a look with Sirius. “Sirius told me about what happened.”

“How’d it go when you were off dealing with it this morning?” Sirius asked. 

James took his glasses off his nose to wipe them with his robe sleeve before he put them back on. “Not pleasant, to say the least.”

Remus was frowning severely. “McGonagall and Dumbledore met with us and the rest of the prefects about the graffiti and the aftermath that such an act would cause, and then the seventh-year prefects and the Head Boy and Girl were sent to have a look at it. McGonagall and Dumbledore were removing the graffiti that was resisting removal, while the rest of us worked on the slurs that were easier to remove.”

Lily shook her head. “Terrible, awful things. The vulgarity was unprecedented. I’ve never seen such things written about Muggleborns before.” 

I raised a hand to rub at my temples, feeling the stress from being a potentially persecuted person coming back to haunt me, although Sirius had done a fantastic job distracting me from it earlier. “It’s what they’ve been thinking all along, Lily. Avery and the other blood purists like him have always looked at Muggleborns like us that way.”

James reached out to hold Lily’s hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. “I know, Kersti. It’s just hard, to finally have them air such thoughts out in the open,” Lily said.

“It was one thing to hear Avery, Mulciber and his lot talking about Muggleborns in more vague terms, but to see such a physical manifestation of all the crass, violent things that they want to do to them?” Remus said, looking at me sadly. “It’s…”

“More visceral,” Lily finished for him. 

James offered her a tense smile. “We’ll get through this, Lily. I won’t let a single nasty blood supremacist lay a finger on you, not if I can do something about it.”

“None of us will. In fact, I reckon some vengeance might be in order, wouldn’t you say, Prongs?” Sirius said. 

James flashed his best friend a grin. “Yeah, I reckon you’re right about that, Padfoot.”

“James, I know that the graffiti has rattled all of us, but getting revenge won’t make things better,” she said, frowning at him and Sirius. 

“I reckon it’ll make everything better, Evans,” Sirius said and flashed me a mischievous grin. 

“No, it won’t, Black. You’ll start a vicious cycle of revenge, and then how far will you go? When will you decide that you’ve had enough of getting even for the graffiti?” Lily said. 

Sirius shrugged, exchanging a look with James. “Fair’s fair, Evans,” Sirius said. 

“What Padfoot means to say is that we’re all very upset about the graffiti, Evans, and we all wish that we could do something about what has happened,” Remus said, looking between Lily and Sirius, the former looking like she was planning on giving Sirius another piece of her mind. 

“It’s hard to see something like that and not want to do anything, my dear Lily,” James said. 

She flashed him a look. “It’s hard for all of us, I just think that some of us need to do a better job at controlling our urges to go on rampages.”

“Well, aren’t we all glad to have you here to be in control, Lily?” I said before Sirius could open his mouth and rub Lily the wrong way with his vengeful desires. 

“Of course we are. It just wouldn’t be the same without you now, my beautiful Lily-of-the-Valley,” James said, smiling widely as he looked down at her. 

“Yes, and I’ve really been wondering how Remus has stayed sane all these years,” she muttered. 

“So’ve I,” I said, grinning and elbowing Sirius. 

“Just barely,” Remus said, smiling. 

“But hasn’t your life been so much more fun now that you’ve been involved with us, kitten?” Sirius asked me, grinning. 

“Fun? Perhaps, but let’s also not discount the chaos that has ensued.” 

Sirius poked at my sides, grinning. “I know you secretly like it, kitten. Your life must’ve been so boring before.”

I laughed. “Is that what you tell yourself when you come to pester me?” 

“Maybe.”

“D’you know who put the graffitis on the walls?” Peter asked abruptly. 

James pushed his glasses back up his nose again with a finger. “No, no sign of who did it, Wormtail. Although given the nature of the graffitis, I should think that it’s obvious.”

“James, it’s not  _ graffitis _ ,” Lily said, sighing. 

“What do you mean, my dear Lilykins?” 

“It’s  _ graffito _ in the singular, not  _ graffiti _ and  _ graffitis _ .”

“How’d you find that out, my kind Lily?” 

“It’s from the Latin, obviously” 

“Oh, my dear Lilykins, you’re so smart.”

“Rotter, no need to be so mawkish,” I said, laughing as Lily blushed from James’s compliment. 

“What the fuck does ‘mawkish’ mean?” James asked, frowning at me.

“Excessively sentimental, in a negative way,” Remus said. 

Sirius chuckled beside me. “Yeah, you heard her, Prongs. Don’t be a mawkish bloke.”

Sirius didn’t have time to react, because James leapt at him suddenly and got him in a headlock, his arm around Sirius’s neck, his other hand reaching up to ruffle the top of Sirius’s head. 

“Prongs! Not the hair!” Sirius said, hobbling around under James’s hold on him. 

“You don’t want it to look like mine for a change, Padfoot?” James said, laughing as Sirius tried to struggle out from his grasp. 

“Get off me, you sod!” Sirius said, grinning. Lily and I chuckled at the antics of the two Marauders, while Remus was shaking his head ruefully and rolling his eyes, and Peter looked happy at the sudden excitement that had occurred. 

“Mr Potter, Mr Black, this is a school corridor, not a wrestling venue,” Slughorn said, giving the two boys a cursory glance as he opened the door to the classroom to let his students in. James released his hold on Sirius and the two flashed him charming smiles, until Slughorn turned away. Then Sirius threw a playful punch at James, which James would’ve countered, if it hadn’t been for Remus stepping in between the two of them, a hand on each of their shoulders, before we all started filing into the classroom. I flashed Lily a smile before I went off to sit with Tess, while she went to sit with Marlene, the Marauders sitting at the back of the class as usual. Avery was nearly burning a hole in my robes with his staring as I sat with Tess behind Emily and Lia. 

I didn’t have to wait long for the drama to resume, as Slughorn was only half-way through his lesson of the day when a magical note came flying across the classroom, diving down to collide with the side of my head when it had reached its intended target. I sighed, reaching a hand up to grab the note midair as it tried to zoom away for another divebomb at my head. I reckoned that it was most likely a nasty, crude note from Avery, but on the off-chance that Sirius had sent it, I decided to open it anyway. I didn’t want to hurt the poor bloke’s feelings if I shredded a note from him that I had mistaken for one of Avery’s dirty flying messages. 

Grindylow, 

I reckon you’re uncomfortable around me, and that’s why you won’t fuck me. So I’ll be generous this time and let you bring a familiar friend; the blood traitor can take you from behind while I fuck your face. 

XOXO

I stared down at the note, utterly disgusted and shocked. Who was fucked up enough in the head to write such things? Clearly Avery was, and I figured that he had been emboldened by last night’s successful defacement of the entrance to the Hufflepuff Common Room that he had then decided to escalate in the graphic nature of his notes to me. Although, he had sent me that magical drawing of him fucking me in early September, but the fact that he had made a snide comment about Sirius in the same note and that he had insinuated that I’d let Avery have his way with me made me feel even more queasy, my skin crawling in revulsion. 

“What the fuck. That’s beyond disgusting,” Tess said, leaning over to read the note. “Who’s the blood traitor he’s talking about?” 

I didn’t answer Tess’s question, and instead I straightened up and turned around in my seat to the corner from where I could feel Avery staring at me. My gaze fell on him ogling me, and a nasty expression twisted his features when our eyes met. I snarled, took the note, and, making sure that he could see what I was doing, shredded it to pieces, letting the bits of the ruined note fall through my fingers. He snarled back at me when he saw the damage that I had done to his note, and I topped it off with an angry middle finger directed at him. I heard what I was sure was Sirius’s rumbling chuckle from the back of the class as I flipped Avery off. 

“Miss Ridgeline,” Slughorn said, clearing his throat at the front of the class. “If you would be so kind as to not make obscene gestures in class, it is most disruptive.” 

I rolled my eyes when Slughorn turned back to his lecture. Maybe if I were in Slug Club he’d get my last name right for once, although I highly doubted that. I had already been stressed from the graffiti today, and of course Avery had to go and make it worse with his vulgar and lewd notes. I tried to tamp down my temper so that I didn’t get up and claw him in the middle of class, as immensely satisfying as that would be.

I hung back outside Potions class, telling Emily, Lia and Tess to go on ahead without me, as I hoped that Sirius would come through on his promise to “share some more of his fleas with me” and that we could ditch our next class together to get down and dirty in his four-poster bed. As it stood, I was still hot and bothered from his teasing in Charms class, and I was in desperate need of a distraction from both the graffiti and Avery’s sexual threats against me, and the Slytherin boy’s fixation on me in general. 

“And anyway, we want to exact widespread revenge, Wormtail,” James said as the boys were leaving the classroom. 

“Unless you fancy casting  _ furnunculus _ on the whole lot of Slytherins,” Sirius added. 

“That would take too long, Padfoot,” Remus said, flipping through a book in his hand. 

“We need something that can do a lot of damage in one blow,” James said, ruffling his hair. I watched as Lily came out after them, deep in conversation with Mary, Marlene and some other Gryffindor girls, which would explain why James was able to talk so openly about pranking the Slytherins without fearing her loss of faith in his changed ways. Sirius looked away from the boys’ conversation and saw me waiting in the corridor, flashing me a shit-eating grin. 

“Were you waiting for me out here, kitten?” he called out to me as the boys neared my spot against the wall. James cast me a cursory glance, and then took one look at Sirius openly ogling me and rolled his eyes hard. 

I stepped away from my spot, hiking my bookbag strap back up onto my shoulder. “Yes,” I said, throwing him a saucy wink as I fell into step beside him behind Remus, James and Peter. 

He quirked an eyebrow at me. “You used to be so coy about wanting to fuck me, kitten, but now you’re soliciting me in the corridor?”

I retaliated by poking at his sides as we walked together. “Shut up, I know you can’t get enough of the attention. You’re such a vain old man.”

He grinned from ear to ear, raising a hand to push away a strand of dark hair that had fallen into his face. “And you can’t keep your paws off me either, kitten.”

“Lucky you, yeah?”

“Of course. Poor Avery, missing out on you and your spitfire personality.”

“Lucky me, putting up with such a horny old man. Were you ever able to control yourself, back when you were young?”

Sirius laughed and then started trying to tickle me. “I’m not even old yet, kitten!”

I tried to dodge Sirius’s fingers, which was difficult because I was laughing so hard and there were other groups of students walking down the stairs in the other direction. “Don’t even try to deny your age, old man.”

“Get over here then and let me show you how youthful I am,” he said, trying to tickle me in earnest. I laughed and booked it up the stairs, while Sirius ran after me, taking the stairs two at a time. He chased me up from the dungeons, both of us laughing and out of breath, before we ducked around a corner to wait for the corridors to empty as the other students went on their way to their next classes. 

“Looks like the coast is clear, kitten,” he said as we watched the odd student scurry by our corner. 

I flashed him a grin before we set out on our journey all the way up to the Gryffindor tower. 

“Wait, hold on a moment,” I said as we climbed a flight of stairs. “Why don’t we always have sex in your dormitory no matter what if you can lock and seal the door to prevent any intruders?” 

“Because I made a deal with the boys to keep the dormitory fucking to a minimum,” Sirius said, eyeing me hungrily. 

“Why? It’s not like they would be able to walk in on you if you charmed the door.”

“They’re my best mates, kitten. I don’t want to make them really uncomfortable and they need to get into the dormitory too.”

I pretended to look shocked, raising my eyebrows at him. “You don’t?”

He rolled his eyes. “I can’t just monopolize the shared dormitory, kitten.”

“Well, Sirius Black, I never would’ve guessed that you actually have honour, and that you’re not always being such a sly dog.”

He let out a short bark of laughter. “You hellcat. Are you always this teasing, or did I just get you excessively worked up in Charms class?” 

“I think it’s a combination of- ah!” I leapt away as Sirius made another move to tickle me. 

“Come back here, kitten. You can’t just relentlessly mock me and get away with it.”

I didn’t answer him, and instead I clutched my bookbag in front of me and ran away from him, trying in vain to outpace his long legs. He easily caught up with me and began poking at me as we neared the Gryffindor tower. Sirius and I were both clutching our abdomens from the laughter, our faces split with crazed grins when we finally made it into his dormitory. I managed to find a safe spot on the floor for my bookbag as he cast the charms over the door, but as soon as he was finished, he came over to me standing next to his bed and we collided, a flurry of sloppy kisses and hands tearing at clothes. It felt like his hands were everywhere at once, pulling me close to shove off my outer robes and then wrestling with the buttons of my shirt, while I tried to maintain our kiss as my hands fumbled with his belt. 

“Kitten, this isn’t working,” he said, pulling away from me. 

“What?” 

“Let’s just undress ourselves, it’ll be faster.”

I laughed and set to work on my tie. “Oh, thank Merlin. I thought you were going to change your mind about fucking me.”

Sirius laughed, his tie gone and his shirt half-off. “Giving up after all the teasing? Why would I do that?” 

“Dunno,” I said, hopping around on one foot as I tried to get my shoes off. He chuckled, discarding his shirt and then setting to work on his socks and trousers. I managed to get my shirt and bra off before I laid back on his bed, slipping out of my skirt, tights and knickers. Sirius joined me on his bed, coming to lay his body flush against mine, his usual smirk gracing his features. His grey eyes lingered on my flushed skin and red lips before he brought his mouth to mine, moving his soft lips. I raised a hand to rest against his cheek as our kiss deepened, giving way to the frantic movement of our tongues colliding as he pressed his body down onto mine, scorching me as our naked skin pressed together. He ran a hand along my waist before he reached up to palm one of my breasts, making me groan into his mouth. 

I broke our kiss, staring up at him. “You’ve been getting to take control so far, I think it’s only fair that it’s my turn now, old man.”

He grinned down at me, squeezing my breast in his hand. “Whatever you want, kitten.” 

Sirius pulled his weight off me and turned to lie back on his bed, watching me as I got on top. He looked far too smug like that, smirking at me even though he was the one who was relinquishing control, and so I decided to tease him. I settled my hips overtop of his, straddling his torso. I admired his handsome face, his dark hair in a halo around his head on the white pillow, which was a direct contrast to the devil-like smirk that he was sporting as he admired me taking control, raising his hands to grip my hips. I used one hand to support my weight on the bed, and then I began teasing him, moving myself over his erection but not putting it in. 

“Fuck, kitten, stop teasing me,” he groaned, tightening his grip on my hips. 

I smirked, enjoying seeing him underneath me, at my mercy. “Fair’s fair, old man.”

He drew a shaky breath, watching me. “Fuck,” he cursed. 

I grinned and then finally sank down onto him, making us both moan. 

“Oh, fuck.” He dropped a hand to grip my ass as I began moving on him. “You feel so good, kitten,” he got out between breaths. I trailed a hand down his chest, leaning back and giving him an eyeful as he watched me ride him at a frantic pace, all the teasing that had happened that day culminating in me, making me desperately chase down my orgasm. In no time at all, my eyes were falling closed as I moaned, climaxing around him. 

I opened my eyes again, admiring Sirius underneath me. He was chuckling as I came back down from my orgasm, looking up at me, his cheeks flushed. “Did you just cum already, kitten?” 

“Maybe,” I said. 

He grinned, running a hand up and down my waist, cupping one of my breasts in his palm. “That was rather fast, kitten.” 

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, what do you expect? You can’t just tease and feel me up in class and get me all hot and bothered, and then expect me to last very long.” 

He watched me, still smiling. “Exactly my plan, kitten.” 

I chuckled and lowered myself so that I was overtop of him, a hand on the bed beside his head, the other on his chest supporting my weight. “Your turn, old man,” I said and then kissed him hard. Both of his hands fell to my ass, gripping it as he began to thrust into me hard and fast. I moved a hand to tangle it in his long hair, devouring his mouth with mine. 

“Fuck,” he cursed into my mouth as he fucked me, and I moved my mouth away from his to trail kisses down his neck, licking and nipping at his smooth skin here and there. I drew my tongue over the pulse that thundered in his neck and then left a little nip, making him groan. I moaned into his neck as he picked up his pace even more, nuzzling his skin, hearing his breaths coming faster and faster. 

“Oh, fuckkkk,” he cursed as his climax overtook him, and he slowed his thrusts and then eventually stilled, my face still buried in his neck. I felt his pulse come down once more, his breaths slowing, before I rolled off him to lie on my back in his bed, giving my body a big, pleasant stretch, like a cat getting ready for a nap. I yawned, wanting nothing more than to curl up and have a midday cat nap, but instead I moved to sit up against the headboard of Sirius’s bed, putting a pillow behind my back. I smirked at him as he finally sat up from the bed, scooching himself back to sit against the headboard with me, shoulder to shoulder. 

“Fuck, I can’t last as long as I want to with you, kitten,” he said, chuckling to himself and pushing some dark hair away from his forehead. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t tease me so much. Clearly it’s affecting you too,” I said. 

He turned to look at me, admiring me in his bed, naked and still sex-flushed. “But it’s just too much fun, kitten. And what else am I supposed to do during a dreadfully boring class?” 

I shrugged, offering him a cheeky grin. “Take notes?” 

He chuckled and raised an eyebrow at me. “Like I said, my streak would be ruined.” He nodded towards his nightstand, which was on my side of the bed. “Fancy a cigarette? They’re in the top drawer.” 

I reached over and found the pack, offering him one and then taking one myself. “Here, watch this,” I said, and lit the cigarette that he was holding by conjuring a flame wandlessly. 

He looked at me curiously. “Where’d you learn that, kitten?” 

I shrugged, lighting my own cigarette in the same way. “I reckon I’d learn something useful while I’m in the bowels of the library, reading musty old tomes. At least this way I’ll never be in a pinch when I have to light my blunts.” 

He was looking at me, a half-smile curving his lips. “You’re full of surprises, you know that, kitten?” 

“Why do you sound so shocked?” 

He shrugged, taking a moment to puff on his cigarette before leaning his head back to let the smoke out. “Dunno, you’re just not what I expected when I first set out to get into your trousers.” 

I laughed, taking a long hit from my cigarette. “I hope I’ve surprised you pleasantly, and not unpleasantly, old man” 

He chuckled, looking at me again. “It’s been very pleasant, kitten. In more ways than one.” 

I chuckled, meeting his mischievous gaze before I focussed on my cigarette again, pursing my lips as I took another inhalation. We smoked in silence for a moment before Sirius spoke again. 

“Do you feel unsafe at Hogwarts now, because of the graffiti?” 

I thought about his question for a moment, taking a long drag from my cigarette. “I was never a noteworthy student until this year, so no one besides you, your friends, Lily and my dormmates know that I’m ‘mudblood filth.’ If my blood status were public knowledge, then I’d feel more at risk.”

Sirius took a drag from his dwindling cigarette, thinking about something for a moment. “Avery and his lot didn’t start targeting Muggleborns when we first started at Hogwarts, but they’ve certainly increased their bullying and the severity in recent years.”

“I wouldn’t know. I was really living under a rock in fifth and sixth year.”

“They prefer going after Muggleborns in Gryffindor and Hufflepuff anyway, as far as I can tell. They haven’t bothered too much with Ravenclaws.”

“Gryffindor because of the House rivalry and Hufflepuff because their House has never supported blood purism?” 

“Exactly, kitten.”

I took another puff of my cigarette. “Avery’s targeting of me is bad enough right now, and it’s only based on me having spurned his advances. I do worry about what’ll happen when he finds out that the girl he’s been desperate to fuck is a Muggleborn.”

Sirius looked at me for a moment before he took a long inhalation, holding in the smoke and then letting it out slowly. “That’s one of the things I hate most about him and the other Slytherins, kitten. He goes around thinking that just because he was born a pureblood he can treat others of different heritage like filth.”

I turned to study Sirius as he continued to smoke his cigarette. After what Avery had said, and after the little Sirius himself had told me, I was dying to ask him how he had turned out so differently from the rest of the Black family, which was one of the most deeply entrenched pureblood families in England. They were known for their blood supremacism, and yet here was one of their descendants, sitting next to me, the polar opposite of the views that they espoused. To be associating with me, a Muggleborn, was impressive enough, but when I considered everything that Sirius had done for Remus, who was a werewolf, I was even more amazed at how he’d turned out so differently from the rest of his family. However, though I had taken leaps and bounds towards knowing Sirius better this year, especially considering that I had never even talked to him before September, I still didn’t feel like I knew him well enough to ask such a personal question. From what I’d seen, I could tell that his family was a very sore subject for him, and I didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask him about that. I knew what it was like to be asked personal questions that I was loath to answer, and I wasn’t about to subject him to that just for the sake of satisfying my curiosity. 

“I’ve never understood why anyone could support blood purism. Of course, I didn’t even know what that was until I got to Hogwarts. I didn’t understand why I was being called a mudblood when I went into Diagon Alley, dressed perfectly normal by Muggle standards. If my parents had known what I was being sent into, then maybe they would’ve had more reservations, but there was no way for them to know. They’re my family, I don’t look at them and think about the term ‘Muggle.’ They’re simply my family,” I said, staring off into the distance as I thought about my parents and brother, who were not privy to a massive part of my life, simply because I’d been born by fluke with magical abilities. 

Sirius turned his head to study me as I finished my cigarette. “Do you miss them?” he asked. 

I thought about that, a half-smile curling up my lips. “Sometimes. My younger brother is a right pain in my ass though.” I reached over and grabbed the pack of cigarettes again, and Sirius and I both took another one each. 

“How do you communicate with them when you’re here? It’s easy when you can just send an owl, but I’ve never thought much about how you’d get a letter sent to Hogwarts from Muggles.”

I smiled, lighting my cigarette and then leaning over to light Sirius’s. “They send me letters via owl. They were utterly confused about the whole process when I was in first year, but they caught on quickly.”

He chuckled. “But no Howlers, thank Merlin. I’ve gotten a few over the years, and that was bloody terrifying.” 

I laughed, watching the smoke curl out of my mouth. “My parents are too nice to send me them anyway. They’d much rather scold me in private.”

“Do they know how much of a spitfire you are, kitten? Or are you better behaved around them?” 

“Well, they’d certainly be scandalized and mortified if they’d seen me verbally slapping Avery on Monday, and then they’d have a conniption if they saw how much I smoke.”

Sirius chuckled and took another drag from his cigarette, pursing his lips around the end. “I’ve never understood why some people make such a fuss about smoking. There’re worse things to do.”

“Well, I know that Lily just nags me about smoking since she’s worried about my health,” I said. 

“Same reason she bugs Prongs about it, kitten.”

I turned to look at him, finding him already watching me. “She’s not a very big fan of you, old man.” 

Sirius shrugged, meeting my gaze. “She’ll only make excuses for Prongs. And I’ve felt up almost all of her female friends.”

I looked at him, laughing. “Why am I not surprised?”

“She’s probably cross with me that I added you to the long list of girls I’ve fucked who she’s friendly with,” he said, chuckling. 

“No girl is safe from you, old man.”

“Of course not, have you taken a look at me recently?” he joked. 

I shook my head ruefully. “I just did, you forgetful old man. In fact, I quite liked seeing you underneath me this time.”

Sirius grinned at me, poking my exposed leg with a finger. “Yeah, I could tell. It was written all over your face.”

“You enjoyed it too, old man. Don’t try to deny it,” I said, laughing and trying to wriggle away from his insistent fingers. 

“Come back here, kitten. I want to tickle you again,” he said, laughing. 

I swatted his hands away and stood up from his bed, taking a moment to arch and stretch my back and arms before I stuck the end of the smoldering cigarette in my mouth, hunting around for my clothes and pulling them back on. I stood in his dormitory, finishing my cigarette, before I threw the butt out the window and then turned back to Sirius. He was still sitting naked on his bed, looking like he didn’t have a care in the world as he blew smoke rings up towards the ceiling. 

“See you later, old man,” I said, walking to the door. 

“Bye, kitten,” he said and blew me a kiss. I chuckled and slipped out the door, heading down the stairs and on to my next class of the day. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Despite briefly using fucking Sirius as a distraction, naturally my stress about the graffiti, blood purism and Avery returned, and by the time classes were done for the day, I was sorely needing to take a smoke break. I decided to smoke a couple of joints before dinner, and so I headed down to my usual smoking spot uphill from Hagrid’s hut and the Whomping Willow, but before I had even arrived I heard the voices of the two wankers coming from my spot. 

“But we already did that last year, Prongs.”

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s too similar to the one we did to Snivellus in sixth year.”

“I think we should stick with the pixies.”

“Are you sure? What if-”

I rounded the corner and saw Sirius and James standing in my smoking spot, having an ardent discussion about what I assumed was the revenge prank that they were planning to do on the Slytherins for defacing the entrance to the Hufflepuff Common Room. 

James looked up from his conversation with Sirius and raised an eyebrow at me. “Come to spy on us, Grindylow?” 

I raised one of my unstarted joints in my hand. “No, I’m not a snitch. I’m just here to have my own smoke break,” I said, nodding towards the cigarettes in their hands. 

Sirius offered me a smirk. “Oh, don’t mind us, kitten. We’re just planning what the Marauders are going to do for the prank against the Slytherins.”

James was still giving me the hairy eyeball. “You’re not going to spill the beans to Evans, are you, Grindylow?” 

I scoffed, lighting my first joint. “No, of course not. Just pretend I’m not even here.”

Sirius chuckled and took a drag from his cigarette. “I say the pixies are the best way to go, Prongs. It’ll be the best at causing widespread chaos as quickly as possible.”

James reached a hand up to ruffle his hair, turning his attention back to his best mate. “I wasn’t too sure about them at first, but seeing how well the doxies worked out has changed my mind, Padfoot.”

Sirius flashed him a face-splitting grin. “They’ll be perfect, Prongs. And we’ve got to make up for all those years when we couldn’t get magical creatures for our pranks.”

I chuckled, looking at the two reigning troublemakers of Hogwarts. “What are your plans so far?” 

Sirius grinned at me. “We were considering using a combination of jinxes and the like on the Slytherins, but we’ve got a perfectly good cage of Cornish pixies waiting to be unleashed on them.” 

“Like with the doxies,” I said, taking another hit from my blunt. 

“Exactly, kitten. We could never get magical pests before.”

“Well, we could get them, but we never had anywhere to store them.”

“Not anywhere that no one would find and confiscate them, Prongs.” 

“Can you imagine if we’d tried to get Moony to meet that crook from the black market at his place?”

Sirius laughed. “He would’ve been grounded permanently.”

“Wormtail wouldn’t’ve known what to do when he came up to the front door.”

“Not to mention that both Moony and Wormtail’s parents would’ve found out what they were hiding in their rooms and then rained hell down on them.”

James clapped Sirius on the back, grinning at him. “Thank Merlin for Uncle Alphard, right, Padfoot?” 

Sirius grinned back at his friend and they both hit their cigarettes again. “It was a right dumping ground for magical things from the black market, wasn’t it, Prongs?” 

“It’s too perfect of a situation to not take advantage, Padfoot. Even if you had a niffler running rampant in your flat.”

“Yeah, and it knocked over the cabinet looking for gold. And I woke up one morning to it rooting around my sock drawer.”

“Did it find anything of value in your sock drawer, old man?” I asked, laughing. 

“No, but it found where I’d put my Galleons in my flat soon enough,” he said. 

I watched him for a long moment as he finished smoking his cigarette and then threw the butt on the ground, grinding it out with his toe. As I studied him, I thought about how he was labelled a blood traitor; he had wildly different beliefs from his pureblood family which had likely resulted in him being disinherited; his family was a delicate subject for him; and how I now knew that he had his own flat where he lived by himself. I was even more curious now about him than I had been when we’d talked after sex, but I wasn’t about to put him through a series of personal questions, especially not when James was there. I’d seen James get incredibly defensive of Remus, and I didn’t doubt that that protectiveness also extended to Sirius. 

“When’s this revenge prank happening?” I asked, taking a long drag from my blunt. 

“Tomorrow evening, kitten,” Sirius said, grinning at me. 

“It’s when the Slytherin Common Room will be the most full of students, Stripes,” James said, hitting his cigarette again. 

I chuckled, pausing to inhale deeply on my joint, and then waiting a few beats before I let the smoke curl out of my mouth and up towards the October sky. I was really glad that Lily wasn’t here with us, as not only would she be unhappy at me and James smoking, but also that her boyfriend was seemingly reverting to his previous bad habit of incessant trouble-making. 

James was frowning as he took another measured drag from his cigarette. “I dunno what I’ll do about Evans though, Padfoot.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius said, raising a dark eyebrow at him.

“Ever since Grindylow here spilt the beans about the doxies, she’s been less convinced that I’ve moved on from my behaviour from previous years,” James said, giving me a sharp look. 

I took another puff and then looked at James. “Alright, you win, Rotter. I’ll solve your Lily problems then.” 

James scoffed and threw his cigarette butt on the ground, before he crossed his arms defensively. “Ha, like you could do that, Grindylow.” 

“No, really, hear me out. I’m the Ravenclaw afterall.” I paused to take a slow drag from my blunt, and then exhaled the smoke before I continued. “I’m assuming that you two are having sex, yeah?” 

James spluttered, staring at me with wide eyes, while Sirius started laughing. “Merlin’s beard, tell it like it is, kitten,” he said, grinning at me. 

James gave him a dark look. “Well, we were, er … waiting for the perfect time to, er …”

“Well, here’s your perfect timing,” I said. “You’re going to pull the prank tomorrow evening, so to make sure that you remain innocent in the eyes of one most beautiful Lily Evans, all you need to do is be conveniently occupied with fucking her while your friends are exacting vengeance on the Slytherins.” 

James stared at me. “Merlin, you are conniving, Stripes. Never knew you had it in you.” 

I rolled my eyes. “That’s because you severely misjudged me, Rotter.” 

“There’s a major flaw in that plan, kitten. It’s not a proper prank without our Prongs there,” Sirius said, throwing his best mate a friendly punch on the arm. 

“But, Padfoot, Evans is already after me. She’s not totally, absolutely, COMPLETELY convinced that I’ve cleaned up my act from previous years. I dunno if I can risk her even assuming that I helped do it. She might even dump me! Can you imagine?! I finally convince Lily Evans, my beautiful Lily-flower, to give me a chance, after all these years, and I blow it less than a month in! Padfoot, I don’t think my heart would be able to weather such a defeat!” James said. 

Sirius rolled his eyes, but I could see that there was genuine displeasure at James shaping up his act that he hid behind his half-smile. “Merlin, I guess you’re right, Prongs.” He clapped him on the back. “You’ve been ranting about her smile and her tits for so long, I can’t get in the way of that now, can I?” 

I started laughing, looking at the two of them. “You two are such clods.” 

“Piss off, Grindylow,” James said. 

Sirius flashed me a wicked grin. “Aw, kitten, no need to be jealous. It’s not like  _ I’m _ the one ranting about her tits, if anything I’d be ranting about yours and how-” 

“Shut up, Padfoot! You’re going to make my ears bleed!” James said, clamping his hands over his ears. “Go talk dirty to Grindylow somewhere else, anywhere else but in front of me.” 

I chuckled and took a final drag before I tossed my finished joint on the ground. “It’s just revenge for being so lovey-dovey with Lily in the corridor, Rotter. No need to be such a spoilsport.” 

James made a funny face, pushing his glasses back up his nose. “Stop ganging up on me, you traitorous wankers! Oh, Padfoot, your betrayal wounds me so! How will I ever recover! Oh, the-” 

Just then, Sirius leapt at James, tackling him and giving him some vicious noogies on the top of his head. 

“Padfoot, stop! No! The hair is off limits, you prick!” James said, trying to wrest himself from the grip that Sirius had on him. 

Sirius was barking with laughter as he held James in a headlock, grinding his knuckles into his hair. “‘Padfoot, I need to be looking my best for my precious Lily-flower, I need to have my hair just so, I need the bathroom for half a bloody hour in the morning so I can do my hair,’” Sirius said, imitating him in a high-pitched voice. 

“I’ll mess up your hair next, you prick!” James said, indignantly writhing under Sirius’s arm. 

I nearly died laughing at the two idiots, feeling like I was on the verge of pissing my pants as I watched James trying to yank himself from Sirius’s paws. Finally, he let James go, and I managed to contain my laughter, wiping the tears from the corners of my eyes and then starting on my second joint. James and Sirius were grinning at each other, looking like two peas in a pod. 

I exhaled a lungful of smoke before I spoke again. “You’d better not mess up your first time with Lily, Rotter.” I figured that Lily had never had any sexual experiences before, as her first kiss had only been this year with James of all people, and it seemed very unlikely that she would’ve lost her virginity without having kissed anyone. 

James gave me the finger. “Oh, piss off, Stripes. I even asked Padfoot about what I should do. Right, Padfoot?” he said, grinning at Sirius. 

Sirius nodded, smirking. “I would know. I’ve had my fair share of virgins.” 

I rolled my eyes hard. “Of course you would’ve, old man.” 

“What? I don’t like them anymore, kitten. They get too …  _ clingy _ .” 

I gave him a look, reminded of discussing how many virgins Sirius Black had deflowered with the girls. “Well, that’s all fine and dandy to get advice from a bloke, but what about from a girl?” 

James cleared his throat and pushed his glasses back up his nose. “Well, er, yes, I s’ppose you’re right …” 

I sighed, taking a long hit from my smoldering joint. “Look, I won’t say much because I respect Lily’s privacy. Just go slowly and make sure she’s comfortable. Girls tend to be quite nervous for their first time.” 

James smiled genuinely at me. “Thank you, Stripes.” 

“You’ll be just fine, I’m sure,” I said. “You care about her, she cares about you, you’re both comfortable with each other.” 

“Really?” James said, looking worried. 

“Of course. That’s all that really matters.” I cleared my throat and took another hit. “But if you royally fuck this up, James Potter, I will find out, and the claws will come out. Besides Mary and Marlene, I’m the most likely to hear about any grievous mishaps.” 

James laughed, shaking his head. “Fair enough, Stripes.”

Sirius chuckled, and then his stomach let out an almighty growl, surprising all three of us. James and I laughed, turning to look at Sirius, who had placed a hand over his stomach. 

“Merlin’s beard, that was louder than the racket you made in the forest, kitten!” Sirius said, laughing. 

“Isn’t it about dinner time now, Padfoot?” James said, practically drooling at the prospect of tucking into an oversized meal in the Great Hall. 

I checked my watch and then took a drag from my joint. “Yeah, ’bout time right now.” 

Sirius and James’s faces lit up. “Thank Merlin! I’m dying of hunger,” James said. 

“I’m wasting away from hunger, aren’t I, kitten?” Sirius asked, quirking an eyebrow at me.

I took a final drag before throwing my finished blunt away. “Why’re you directing that question at me, old man?” 

Sirius grinned. “You would know, you just saw me naked.”

James shoved Sirius and we set off towards the Great Hall. “Shut up, Padfoot! I’m nowhere near as bad with Lily as you are with Grindylow.” 

“He can’t control himself, Rotter. He’s an insatiable, horny old man.”

Sirius pretended to wipe away tears. “Oh, kitten, you’re so mean to me. My poor heart.”

“No one wants to hear you talking dirty to Grindylow,” James said, jostling Sirius as we walked. Sirius pushed him right back, which started a shoving contest that carried on all the way to the entrance of the Great Hall and very nearly resulted in Sirius crashing into a suit of armour. Lily was standing near the doors to the Great Hall, talking with Mary and Marlene, clearly waiting for her boyfriend to show up to dinner, as I presumed that they had planned beforehand to eat together. The three of them looked up and saw me and the two Gryffindor wankers walking towards them, and Mary and Marlene looked at me curiously, eyes darting between me and Sirius as we walked side by side. 

“Lily! You were waiting for me!” James said, springing off towards her, leaving me and Sirius to walk towards the girls at a much more casual pace. 

Lily smiled at James as he jerked to a stop in front of her, quickly followed by me and Sirius. James nodded in greeting to Mary and Marlene and then went back to grinning at Lily. The smile slipped from Lily’s face when the three of us had stopped to stand with her. 

“James, were you smoking again?” she said. 

“Oh, shit,” I muttered, realizing that I had forgotten to cast  _ scourgify  _ over the three of us after our smoke break. 

James reached up to ruffle the top of his head nervously while Lily turned her gaze to me. “Kersti, you reek. All three of you were having a smoke break?” 

I quickly cast  _ scourgify  _ over myself, James and Sirius. I gave Lily a guilty smile. “Sorry, Lily. But to be fair, you already know that I’m a lowlife drug user.”

“We certainly are, kitten,” Sirius said, smirking at me. Mary and Marlene were looking between me and Sirius curiously, eyes wide. 

Lily frowned. “You said that you were cutting back on the cigarettes, James.” 

“I am, my beautiful Lily,” James said, offering her a hesitant smile. 

“He only had one cigarette, Lily,” I said quickly. 

James nodded vigorously. “Yes, it really was only one, Lily.”

Sirius snorted with laughter and quickly coughed to cover it up. “Why don’t you come next time to supervise us, Evans?” he said, offering her a charming smile. 

She raised her eyebrows at him, but decided to leave Sirius alone and instead gave me a stern look. “I’ve half a mind to demand that you hand over your  _ substances _ , Kersti. Merlin knows I really should be, given my Head Girl duties.” 

Sirius flashed me a look, smirking. “I don’t think you’d find any, Evans.”

She frowned. “And why wouldn’t I, Black?” 

I held up both hands. “Because I smoked it all, Lily,” I said, exchanging a smirk with Sirius. 

“Just how high are you right now, Kersti?” she said, sighing. 

“No need to get your panties in a twist, Evans. We shared a blunt,” Sirius said, winking at me. 

“So I only had one by myself,” I fibbed, grinning at Sirius. 

Lily sighed. “Oh, nevermind. It doesn’t matter. Let’s just go in and eat.” She smiled at James and he reached out to grab her hand before the two of them led the way into the Great Hall, followed by Mary and Marlene. 

“Thanks for the cover story, old man,” I said to Sirius, smirking at him as we walked through the doors. 

He returned my smirk, running a hand through his long hair. “Of course, kitten.” We paused, standing together just inside the Great Hall, while James and Lily, and Mary and Marlene went on ahead. “I’ll see you soon, kitten,” Sirius said, blatantly looking me up and down. 

I chuckled, raising an eyebrow at him. “Yes, you will, old man.” I turned to go on my way to the Ravenclaw table, but I hadn’t even stepped away from him when he reached a hand down and smacked my ass. I jumped in surprise and whipped around, finding Sirius standing there, pretending to look innocent. But like in Charms class, his grin gave him away, and I laughed. I merely blew him a kiss and then turned away, making my way to the Ravenclaw table. 

Before dinner, Dumbledore made a speech addressing the graffiti, in which he said in no uncertain terms that Muggleborns and Halfbloods and others were welcome at Hogwarts; how Muggleborns wouldn’t be discriminated against in the school; and how they would be conducting a thorough investigation into who the perpetrators were, whose behaviour was a disgrace to the school. I was glad that Dumbledore had made the stance of Hogwarts about Muggleborns and blood purism clear, not that everyone didn’t know how Hogwarts was safe for Muggleborns and other persecuted groups already. However, while his speech may have cheered up others like Lily, all I could think about was the hellfire that would rain down on me once Avery found out that I was a Muggleborn. 


	21. Hogwarts Heartbreakers

Cold. Everything was cold as I lay on my side in my prison cell, curling my knees to my chest. I was so thin now that folding my body in half was the only way I could hope to keep warm, when there was no meat left on my bones. All I had now to keep me warm might have been my long, matted dark hair. I was empty inside, and cold, colder than this stone cell. Freezing sadness filled my chest, like water rising to drown me from the inside out, leaving me a shell of the man I used to be. Was this what dying was like? Dying slowly, painfully? Would they ever find my body? If she were still alive, would she ever find out that I’d died all alone in this cell? 

Everything about my body screamed starvation and neglect: the incessant ache in my chest from the unresolved painful and sad memories that my guards forced me to relive everyday; the way every one of my ribs stuck out under my sallow skin; the mangy dark hair that was my only warmth. In this dark hole that I was trapped in, the only thing that I didn’t neglect was my mind. My mind, which burned bright with revenge and the desire to repay the one who had framed me in kind. But when the guards would come by, the sad memories took hold of me, sinking their fingers into every crevice of my broken, sickly body until I could never feel any happiness ever again, and in those moments the possibility of escape seemed farther from me than the chance of seeing her again. I was going to rot in here, wasn’t I? I would wither away and die in here, and no one would know. I would die having been labelled a guilty man, and there was nothing that I could do about it, no way to clear my name while this cell had a death grip on me. I wept for a long time, and then I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off into a tense, restless sleep, full of dreams that were nearly as bad as the reality of life in my cramped cell. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


My eyes flew open as I lay in bed, the dream vanishing from my sight. However, the despair that had permeated the entire Seer dream remained, like a dead weight in my chest that made my lungs struggle to draw breath, a weight that sank my body down and made it impossible for me to rise from the bed. Instead of getting up, I curled onto my side, kicking off my tangled sheets, raising my arms to cover my head as I clutched at my temples with both my hands. One of the usual headaches that plagued me after a dream began building at the back of my head, and grew as it spread to the front of my head. I whimpered as the pain built in intensity, until I threw back the curtains of my four-poster bed and ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet bowl before the migraine made me vomit up what was remaining in my stomach. 

I lay on the cold bathroom floor for a while, waiting for my stomach to settle, crying and letting the tears drip down onto the tiles. When I finally rose from the floor, I went to the mirror and stared at my face as I tried to come to terms with the dream that I’d just had. I certainly looked worse for wear, with my red, tear-logged eyes, my tangled hair, and my clammy face. I thought about the dream that I’d just had, but of course all it did was leave me with more questions than answers. Who were you, my prisoner in Azkaban? Did I know you? Or had I not met you yet? When would you be sent to prison for a crime that you hadn’t committed? 

Haunted by the dream, I went back to my bed and got dressed in the darkness, combing through my hair and then grabbing my bookbag before I tiptoed out of the dormitory. It was half-past five in the morning, and thankfully I hadn’t been woken earlier by the dream. Maybe I wouldn’t need to doze through all my classes today, seeing as I’d gotten comparatively more sleep before being woken by a Seer dream than I usually did. I headed down to the Common Room for a change, and I read away the morning hours, and when I grew too tired and exhaustion was threatening to overcome me as I sat in one of the blue armchairs, I headed down to the Great Hall, where I cracked open another book and tried to drown out the persisting melancholy from the dream that I’d had. 

As breakfast time approached and the Great Hall began to fill, I kept an eye out for Avery and his cronies in case he thought that he could try to pull a fast one on me this morning. I watched from my spot alone at the Ravenclaw table as Avery, Snape, Mulciber, another Slytherin boy whom I didn’t recognize, as well as that Slytherin girl Weaver swaggered through the doors, forming a group of green-robed and cocky seventh-years. I saw Avery turn his dark-haired head to scan the Ravenclaw table, and his gaze eventually fell on me sitting by myself, already watching him and waiting for a fight. He gave me a nasty smile and looked like he was about to head over to torment me, but I snarled at him, baring my teeth, and drew my finger across my throat. Snape noticed him lagging behind the group as he stared me down, and Snape quickly pushed him along to the Slytherin table, the two of them falling into a conversation after Avery had given me a last threatening look. I was really looking forward to the Marauders wreaking havoc on him and the other Slytherins this evening, and I’d have to get Sirius to give me a recap of how the prank went, and whether Avery had gotten sufficiently pummelled by some of the Cornish pixies. 

Tess, Emily and Lia arrived shortly before breakfast began, and the four of us fell into a comfortable conversation, mostly centering around the fact that Emily had a disciplinary lecture to attend from Flitwick for our flying antics, followed by what would no doubt be a severe detention, while Tess and I had a milder detention to serve with Filch in the evening. After breakfast, I was trudging along behind the three of them as we exited the Great Hall, with Tess and Emily debating what their respective detentions this evening might entail, when I was distracted by a gaggle of sixth-year Gryffindor boys who began wolf-whistling and guffawing in their group of seven when we passed by them outside the entrance to the Great Hall. I tried to ignore them carrying on and how I heard them calling me Grindylow as we continued walking towards the stairs, but that became impossible when one of them separated himself from the group and started following me as I trailed behind the girls. 

“Hey! Grindylow! Wait up!” he said and with the utmost reluctance, I stopped and turned around to face him. He was a tall boy, with sandy brown hair and a cocky expression on his face, strutting over to me. His large group of friends was waiting for him a few paces away, talking loudly and whistling, though in an effort to encourage or embarrass this squirt, I wasn’t sure. 

I rolled my eyes. “The least you could do is get my name right,” I said, not impressed with this sod who was trying to talk to me. Why was I suddenly getting pestered by blokes left, right and centre this year? 

He stopped in front of me, flashing me a grin. “Are you seeing anyone, Grindylow? Or are you single?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Are you single?” he said, accompanied by more whistles. 

“If this is some sort of request to go on a date, then it’s a no from me,” I said, frowning. 

He laughed. “Too bad, Grindylow. It was hot, watching you flip out on Avery like that.”

“Hot?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck off,” I said, throwing a last glower at him and his obnoxious friends before I turned around and marched off to the sounds of his sixth-year friends wolf-whistling and carrying on, making fun of him for getting rejected. The girls had stopped a few paces away, and they took one look at my face and at the Gryffindor boys, and started laughing at my expression. 

“Look at you go, Kersti!” Emily said. “You’ve got all the blokes going crazy over you this year.” 

I glowered at her.

“First Avery, then Sirius Black, then sixth-year boys? I would’ve never guessed you’d get so popular so suddenly,” Lia said, smiling at me. She looked awfully cheery watching me attract the attention of boys, when one of said boys had been Andrew Flewelling whom she had a crush on. 

“Not like I’m doing it intentionally,” I muttered as we started climbing the stairs. 

“Merlin, you’re doing something right, though,” Tess said, smirking at me. 

“Yeah, you’ve had Avery under your thumb since last year, and now you’ve got Sirius Black by the balls too?” 

“Not to mention random blokes as well?” Lia added. 

“Shut up, I do not have Sirius by the balls,” I muttered. “He’s off sleeping with other girls in between fucking me, I’m sure.”

“Doesn’t discount the fact that he’s flitting about you, like a moth to a flame,” Lia said. 

“It’s kind of gross, actually,” Tess said. “Don’t know how you put up with him. Too arrogant.” 

“For once, let us not start talking about Sirius goddamn Black!” I said, laughing. “I already have to deal with him flitting around me, like you said, Lia.” 

Emily shrugged. “We’re just remarking on how you’ve got multiple blokes obsessed with you.” 

I laughed ruefully, shaking my head. “Don’t remark on it, then. I wish that I could have my previous anonymity back.” 

“Shouldn’t’ve flipped out on Avery,” Tess said. 

“And you shouldn’t’ve started sleeping with Black,” Lia added. 

“You three are impossible,” I said, laughing and then taking the stairs two at a time, before I waved goodbye to them when I’d reached the floor that the Transfiguration classroom was on. I would be more confused about why that Gryffindor boy had said that it was hot when I had flipped out on Avery, if Sirius weren’t constantly complimenting me on my spitfire personality. It must be something that certain guys found attractive, particularly those of the Gryffindor variety. As I neared the classroom, I saw Lily standing there, her nose buried in a book as usual, her hair falling forwards and concealing her face. She was so absorbed in her reading that she didn’t notice me until I was standing right next to her, looking over her shoulder at what she was reading. 

“Oh, Merlin!” she said, starting violently when she had finally noticed me. “You scared me, Kersti.” 

“Sorry, Lily, I didn’t want to interrupt you in your reading,” I said, smiling at her. 

She smiled, showing me the cover of the book. “Have you ever heard of Xylomancy, Kersti?” 

I frowned at her. “What? Xylophones? What do those have to do with anything, Lily?” 

“No, Xylomancy. It’s a form of Divination, based on reading twigs.”

“Twigs?”

“Yes, reading the way they fall, lie, that sort of thing. Like reading tea leaves.” 

I took a closer look at the open pages of the book. “Maybe I should give that a shot, I’d be good at that.” 

Lily looked at me. “But you’re not in Divination, Kersti. I mean, no offense or anything, I just didn’t think that you were interested in Divination?” 

“Oh, right, er… yes, well, I’d still like to try my hand at it. Why don’t we try out this twiggy business together sometime?” I said, chuckling. I couldn’t very well tell her that I thought that I’d be good at Xylomancy because I was a Seer. 

Lily giggled. “Twiggy business?” 

“Yes, isn’t that what this is? Chucking twigs about and trying to see the future based on said twigs?” 

“Yes, but not like that,” Lily said, laughing. “Here, look. There is a sort of rudimentary method to it,” she said, and I moved to stand beside her so that we could both read the book. “See? There’s a rhyme and a reason to it,” she said as I took a few minutes to read the open pages. “I’m not a particular fan of Divination, and I agree that it can be a load of hogwash sometimes, but at least this has a method to the madness.” 

“Do we need any special kind of twig?”

“No, I think any will do. Like how any kind of tea leaves can be read.”

“We should go out onto the Hogwarts grounds sometime soon and throw twigs about.”

“No, Kersti, we’ll be doing no throwing of twigs,” Lily said, laughing. “You sort of let them fall naturally out of your hands, and then look at where they lie. The whole point is to let the twigs fall where they’re meant to fall.” 

“Either way, it’ll look like we’ve finally gone mad if someone comes across us staring at the ground, talking about twigs.” 

Lily laughed. “I won’t start talking to the twigs, or I’ll be declared unfit for Head Girl duties.”

“You’d be the first Head Girl to be removed from her position for insanity,” I said, smiling at her and straightening the badge on her robes. 

She smiled. “At least I wouldn’t be the only one to be declared insane, because you’d be talking to the twigs too.” 

I laughed. “No, you’d be the one talking _to_ the twigs, I’d make sure to only be talking _about_ them.” 

Lily smiled and was about to say something when we both noticed a Ravenclaw boy in our year who was walking up to us purposefully. He had dark brown hair that was on the shorter side which he wore neatly coiffed, and his eyes were bright as he kept his gaze fixed on me and Lily standing together. He drew near and stopped to stand in front of us, swallowing nervously before he spoke. 

“H-hi, Evans. Hi, Kersti.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Er, hello…” 

Lily smiled kindly at him. “Hello, Roberts. How was the prefects’ patrol last night?” 

I noticed the glint of the gold badge on his Ravenclaw robes. “Er, it was good, thank you, Evans.” He cleared his throat and then turned to fix his green-eyed stare on me. “How are you this morning, Kersti?” 

My eyebrows shot up. “Er, I’m good… do I know you?” 

He laughed, eyes darting to the ground and then back up nervously. “Well, er, I know of you… I s’ppose you don’t know me. I’m friends with Theresa?” 

“Oh, aren’t you the Seeker for Ravenclaw?” I asked, remembering seeing him talking with Tess several times. 

He nodded vigorously. “Yes, I, er… asked her about, er… you.” 

“Asked her about me? What for?” I said. I had a bad feeling about where this was going as I noted how his cheeks were flushing redder and redder by the minute.

His gaze darted between me and Lily before he focused on me again. “Well, er, I… I’m not sure how to put this. You see, the thing is, I was wondering if you’d like to… er… go on a date with me?” 

I barely managed to conceal my cringing. “Er, Roberts, I-”

“Lily! My beautiful Lily-flower! There you are!” 

Lily and I exchanged a grimace before we turned to see James speed-walking towards us, and of course the other Marauders were in tow as well. Roberts was turning redder than a beet and his eyes went wide when James saw him standing with us, his expression becoming thunderous. 

James marched up to Lily, glowering at the Ravenclaw boy and throwing an arm around her shoulders possessively. “Roberts. What do you think you’re doing?” he said in a measured tone, even as he narrowed his eyes behind his glasses at him. 

Roberts turned crimson in embarrassment, swallowing nervously. “Er, Potter, I wasn’t, er…” 

“Good morning, kitten,” Sirius said as he appeared, squashing himself in between me and Lily. At the arrival of Sirius, the poor Ravenclaw boy looked terrified. 

“James, no, we’re in the middle of something,” Lily said, looking mortified. 

“Yes, and what exactly is Roberts doing here, my dear Lilykins?” James said, eyeing the boy with unconcealed suspicion. 

I was trying not to cover my face with my hands from the awkwardness of the situation, even as Sirius grinned at me. “How’re the hairballs this morning, kitten?” 

“You’re interrupting something, old man,” I muttered. 

Sirius raised an eyebrow at me. “Really? Seems to me like there was nothing fun happening until I showed up.”

Lily cleared her throat loudly. “James, honestly, would you please just give us a moment?” 

James was staring down Roberts, looking ready for a fight. “What’re you looking at, Roberts?” 

“Prongs, Padfoot, stop. You’re clearly interrupting,” Remus said as he joined his friends, with Peter trailing behind him. Remus nodded in greeting to his fellow prefect. “Come on, can’t we be civilized about this and give them a moment?” 

James glowered at the boy for a long moment as he considered Remus’s request. “Yes, I s’ppose that would be nice of us,” he grumbled. 

Sirius shrugged, his mouth twisted in a half-smile. “Just pretend like I’m not even here, kitten,” he said, winking at me. 

“Get out of here, you idiot!” I said, laughing and shoving him on his way to follow Remus and Peter as they went to stand a respectable distance from me and Lily. James glowered at Roberts for a moment longer before he grudgingly turned away to follow his friends, but not before he made the pointing-eye gesture at Roberts, meaning that he would be watching his every move as he finished up his conversation with me and Lily. 

I scrubbed at my face and then looked up at Roberts, who had made it out alive after an encounter with a jealous James Potter. He was the shade of a plum now as he focussed his gaze on me. 

“I’m so sorry about that, Roberts, and I’m flattered, but I’ll have to say no,” I said. 

He looked down at the ground and Lily squirmed beside me, her face the same colour as her hair. “Theresa told me you weren’t seeing anyone, I guess she didn’t know about Black.”

“No, no, it’s not that, I’m not dating him. Just don’t ask Tess about that sort of stuff, she’s a right clueless idiot,” I said quickly. 

“Oh, god,” Lily said, raising her hands to cover her face. “I’m so, so, so sorry about the boys, Roberts,” she muttered from behind her palms. 

“It’s, er… it’s alright, Evans,” he mumbled, the three of us overwhelmed by a feeling of total chagrin. 

“Well, it was nice talking to you, Roberts,” I said in a forcefully cheery voice. “Good luck with Ravenclaw’s next match, yeah?” 

He couldn’t even manage to meet my gaze and instead stared down at his shoes. “Yes, er… Yes, thank you,” he mumbled and then turned around quickly and left, going back to stand with some other Ravenclaw boys. 

Lily and I exchanged a pained look when he was safely back with his friends, before Lily buried her face in her hands again and I clutched at my temples. 

“Could they be any more of a pair of boneheads!” Lily said from behind her hands. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, I’m going to murder Tess for telling Roberts all about me,” I said. 

“Merlin, he’s finally gone now,” James said as he reappeared beside Lily, glaring daggers at Roberts across the corridor. 

“James, you bumbling idiot! Couldn’t you see that we needed a moment alone?” Lily said, turning to scold him, still red in the face. 

“I’m sorry, my beautiful Lily-flower, I just thought he was some daft asshole trying to put the moves on you.”

“Well, clearly he wasn’t, and now you’ve gone and made him feel like a bloody fool,” she said, sighing. 

“Did you sink your claws into him, kitten?” Sirius said, appearing next to me again and grinning at me. 

“No, but I will claw Tess later for giving the poor bloke the wrong idea about me,” I muttered. 

“Was he trying to ask you on a date?” Remus said offhandedly, glancing across the corridor to where Roberts was trying to hide himself from James’s view. 

Sirius flashed me a shit-eating grin. “Did you break his heart, kitten?” 

I chuckled. “I tried my best not to, but he had the wrong idea and I had to set him on the right course. The poor boy thought that I’m the type to want something serious.”

He pretended to wipe tears from his eyes and sniffled. “You don’t want anything Sirius? I thought that you were really enjoying fucking me.”

I laughed. “Shut up, old man. You know what I meant.” 

Sirius smirked and winked at me, while James made a retching noise. “Keep it in your trousers, Grindylow and Padfoot.”

I rolled my eyes. “You were the one who marched over here, intruding with no tact whatsoever, all because you thought another man was looking at your Lily-flower,” I said. 

Remus chuckled while Lily blushed beside James. “There really was no tact in it,” she muttered. 

James ruffled the top of his head nervously. “But can you blame me, my beautiful Lily-of-the-Valley? There must be loads of blokes who’d kill to go on a date with you.”

Lily turned even more red. “That’s an exaggeration, James.”

“No, it’s not!” James said, offering her a deranged smile. 

I quirked an eyebrow at Lily. “It’s really not an exaggeration.”

Lily smoothed the front of her uniform self-consciously, her face blending in with her hair. “I don’t know what you two are talking about,” she mumbled. 

Sirius smirked at me. “Don’t worry, kitten. The more hearts you break, the easier it gets. When you’ve been breaking hearts as long as I have, it becomes second nature.”

Remus rolled his eyes hard. “You don’t have to be such a sod about it, though.”

Sirius shrugged. “If you’re not black and white about it, some of them get the wrong idea.”

Remus raised an eyebrow at him. “Categorical, yes, but there’s no need to be insensitive when you do it.”

I chuckled. “Some of them are bound to not listen if you don’t spell it out for them word by word.”

Sirius grinned at me. “See, Moony? You understand me, don’t you, kitten?”

I laughed, holding up my index finger and thumb a smidge apart. “Just the slightest bit.”

Lily was shaking her head. “Both of you are such toerags sometimes.”

“The terrible twosome,” I added. 

James and Sirius grinned at each other. “We’re Merlin’s gift to Hogwarts. Right, Padfoot?” 

“Of course, Prongs. And to the female students.”

James looked affronted. “Speak for yourself, Padfoot,” he said, reaching out to grab Lily’s hand in his. 

Peter giggled in the background while Remus rolled his eyes at his two ridiculous friends. 

I laughed, shaking my head. “Why am I not surprised that you do seriously think that about yourself?” I said to Sirius. 

He let out a bark-like laugh. “I always think about myself Siriusly.”

“Padfoot, a respite from the puns with your name would be lovely,” Remus muttered, smiling despite himself. 

“I thought you said the name puns were too boring to joke about this year?” Peter said. 

“So it’s a tradition, then?” I asked, chuckling.

“Yes, he’s been making those puns for years now,” Remus said. “They’re really not very funny anymore, Padfoot.”

Sirius scoffed. “But I’ve got a new audience to use them on. It’s not like you’ve heard the same puns for the last six years, kitten,” he said, grinning at me. 

“I think I’ll be tired of them soon enough,” I teased him.

“Brrr, kitten, you’re so cold,” Sirius said, pretending to rub his arms for warmth. 

“The world doesn’t revolve around you, Black,” Lily commented mildly. 

Sirius pretended to look shocked. “It doesn’t?” 

“Padfoot, of course it doesn’t,” James said. “It revolves around _us_ ,” he said, grinning and gesturing between himself and his best mate. 

“It certainly will this evening,” Sirius said, laughing. 

Peter giggled. “Because of the pr-”

“Wormtail!” James hissed, looking panicked. 

Lily was looking at her boyfriend with raised eyebrows. “Are you hatching a plan of some sort, James?” 

He smiled sheepishly at her and pushed his glasses back up his nose with a finger. “Well, there was one thing that I was going to ask you about, my kind Lily.”

Sirius and I coughed pointedly, grinning at each other. “Maybe later, Prongs,” Remus said evenly. 

James grinned at Lily. “Yes, I’ll, er… ask you about it later, Lily.”

“Have fun tonight, Prongs,” Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows at James. 

James threw him a punch on the arm. “Don’t be such a dirty-minded dog, Padfoot.” 

“Don’t you have me to thank too?” I said, grinning conspiratorially at James. 

He rolled his eyes. “Yes, I suppose I do, Stripes.”

“That’ll be a first, Prongs,” Peter said. 

“Me thanking Stripes?”

“Yeah.”

I gasped dramatically. “Does this mean you don’t hate me anymore, Rotter? How sweet of you!” 

Lily shook her head, smiling despite herself. “I take that back, it’s not just you two, it’s the whole lot of you. You’re a barrel full of monkeys.” 

“Lily, that’s all I am to you? A crazy monkey?” I said. 

She laughed. “Increasingly, yes.”

“You must be really confused about what you are, kitten,” Sirius said, chuckling. “First Grindylow, then ‘kitten’, then ‘monkey?’”

I pretended to stroke my chin thoughtfully. “Yes, I’ll admit that it’s quite confusing. But at the very least I know that I’m not an insufferable wanker like Rotter.”

Sirius snorted with laughter while James looked at me in surprise. “Merlin! She bites!” he said, laughing. 

I made a face. “Ew, no, Rotter.”

“Where’d you find this one, Padfoot? She’s vicious.”

Sirius grinned and winked at me. “I like them a little vicious, Prongs.”

Lily gave Sirius a withering look. “Really, Black?” 

James was grinning evilly at me. “Someone’s an angry kitty.”

“Fuck you, I’ll come over there and claw you, Rotter.” 

James laughed. “Padfoot, get your cat declawed already. She’s a danger to everyone.”

“God-fucking-damn you, Rotter,” I said, even as I started laughing. 

“James, declawing cats is very inhumane,” Lily said, frowning at him. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, Lily,” he said, ruffling his hair. 

Sirius chuckled. “It’s only a joke, Evans. I won’t really be getting her declawed. Right, kitten?” 

I rolled my eyes hard. “Like you could even try. And I’m not your bloody cat,” I said, earning a chuckle from Remus. 

Sirius grinned. “I like when the claws come out sometimes, kitten. I swear, I’m telling the truth.”

I grinned at him despite myself. “You’re an outrageous flirt, you know that? And a massive tosser.”

Sirius elbowed me, grinning from ear to ear. “I’ve got a reputation to live up to, don’t I, kitten?” 

“That’s not always a good thing, Padfoot,” Remus said, readjusting the strap of his bookbag on his shoulder. 

“Are you kidding, Moony? I’ve got the best reputation of the whole school.”

Lily scoffed while I snorted with laughter. “Is that what you tell yourself, old man?” 

“What? It’s simply the truth, kitten.”

I laughed. “You’re quite confident for an old man who’s on his last legs.”

Sirius looked at me in surprise. “I’m not on my last legs, kitten. You’ve clearly not been paying attention when we’ve been fucki-”

I started poking at him. “No need to divulge the dirty details, old man.”

“Yes, please don’t, I think I’ll be sick,” James grumbled as we all started making our way to the classroom, now that McGonagall was letting students in. 

“And you’re sure to make me sick later when you won’t stop talking about Evans, Prongs. ‘My Lily-flower’ this, ‘my Lilykins’ that.”

James laughed and jostled Sirius as they walked through the classroom door together. “Piss off, Padfoot.” 

“Boys, no scuffles in the classroom,” McGonagall said from the front of the classroom, watching her students entering for the lesson as James and Sirius shoved each other amicably. Lily and I found a spot together, smiling and shaking our heads at the two Gryffindor boys. 

Thankfully Transfiguration class passed uneventfully, besides James and Sirius looking more smug than usual, their dark-haired heads bent together as they whispered about something throughout the class. I felt bad about helping Rotter the Wanker out, because I wasn’t the biggest fan of going behind Lily’s back like this. As far as I was concerned, James should simply suck it up and face the consequences of not totally changing ways, and if Lily decided to dump him for his actions, then that wasn’t my problem. Unfortunately, it was too late to worry about that this time around, as it was out of my control now. Plus, a selfish part of me wanted the boys to get away with pranking the shit out of the Slytherins, as I was wanting to see Avery and his lot suffer after the graffiti and after his threats against me. Not to mention that James made Lily happy, and maybe it was worth her happiness to help James get away with not truly shaping up his act, if it would prevent her from dumping him, and prevent her from being heartbroken over his actions. I scrubbed at my face, astounded that I had reached a point where I was willingly helping Rotter out with his Lily-problems. 

After McGonagall had dismissed us at the end of the lesson, Lily and I marched purposefully on to Defence Against the Dark Arts, as the boys were walking in a tight clump, whispering incessantly and gesturing wildly, the occasional snicker cutting through the chatter. Lily and I merely rolled our eyes and led the way to D.A.D.A., leaving the boys to linger behind us like a bad stench. I had to get to Defence to have a stern word with Tess anyway about her giving Ravenclaw blokes the wrong idea about me. When Lily and I neared the classroom, luckily Em, Tess and Lia were already there, talking together. Lily chuckled as I marched over to the three of them, and they looked up in surprise when they saw me nearing them, their mouths agape at the entourage that was following me. It really wasn’t my fault that the Marauders were always trailing Lily, and that she had decided to come over with me to my Ravenclaw dormmates. 

Emily raised an eyebrow at me when I reached the three of them with Lily, the boys clustered off to my right side, still having an ardent four-way discussion. “Hi, Kersti.” She nodded to Lily. “Evans. You two really do have them flitting around you,” she said, gesturing to the Marauders. 

Lily and I exchanged a look, shrugging. I turned to Tess. “Tessie, what on earth did you tell Roberts?” 

She made a face at me. “What? What are you talking about?” 

“Roberts apparently got top-secret intelligence from you concerning me.”

She looked confused for a moment before the realization dawned on her. “Oh, yeah, right. He was asking about you the other day.”

Lily sighed, tucking some hair behind her ears. “Poor Roberts.”

Emily chuckled, looking at me. “What exactly did he do, Kersti? Must’ve been something bad to get you so rattled.”

Tess was zoning out, probably thinking about quidditch, until I dragged her focus forcefully back to me. “Tessie, the poor boy asked me out, thinking that he stood a chance of me saying yes, because you gave him the wrong idea about me!”

She did a double-take. “Did he really? I had no idea that was why he was asking about you.”

Lia laughed. “What have you done, Tessie!” 

Tess frowned. “Stop calling me Tessie. And how’s that my fault?” 

“You probably made it out like I was nicer than I actually am, for one. That I’m a decent, nice Ravenclaw girl looking for a relationship,” I said, chuckling.

“That’s not my fucking fault! How was I s’pposed to know he’d get that rot into his head?!”

“Don’t do it next time a curious bloke starts asking about me, that’s all. Poor Roberts might not perform well in quidditch practices because of his broken heart.” 

“And I’ll gladly blame that on you, Kersti. I’m sure that you’re the one who made it painful for him.”

“Actually, that was Black’s fault,” Lily said. 

“And Rotter’s,” I added, exchanging a grimace with Lily at the memory of the boys intruding upon our conversation with Roberts. 

James looked up at Lily from his conversation with the boys. “Huh? Are you talking about me, my beautiful Lily-flower?” 

Lily rolled her eyes. “Yes, we were talking about how you were being a jealous toerag with Roberts this morning.”

James offered her a hesitant smile. “I simply can’t stand to see any other bloke looking at you the wrong way, my beautiful Lilykins.” 

She blushed and gave me a look. “Well, it wasn’t totally James’s fault. There was also Black.”

Sirius looked away from talking to Peter, flashing me a wicked grin. “Are you talking about me again, kitten?” 

“Yeah, about how you and Rotter are a pair of tossers,” I said, grinning at him. 

He shrugged. “And you can’t get enough of me, kitten. Doesn’t that say something about you?” 

I laughed, exchanging a look with Lily. “Touché, old man.”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and blew me a kiss before he went back to talking to Peter, while Emily and Lia gave me knowing looks. 

“Yes, and you don’t have him by the balls,” Lia said sarcastically to me. 

I rolled my eyes, laughing. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Uh, huh,” Lia said, wiggling her eyebrows at me. 

“Of course the two Hogwarts Heartbreakers would be sleeping with each other,” Emily said nonchalantly. 

“Hey, now that’s an exaggeration for me,” I said. “But not for the old man,” I said, gesturing to Sirius. 

Sirius’s gaze landed on me again and he grinned. “What’s that, kitten?” 

“Nothing, just that you’re the Hogwarts Heartbreaker,” I said, smirking at him. 

He flashed me a face-splitting grin. “And don’t you forget it, kitten.”

Lily rolled her eyes as the boys ducked their heads together again, probably talking about the revenge prank that they were going to execute this evening. “They’re being such arrogant oafs today, more so than usual,” she muttered.

“Er… dunno why, Lily,” I said. I knew perfectly well why James and Sirius looked more smug today than they normally did, but I didn’t want to open that can of worms with Lily. She was exceedingly bright, and I was confident that she would figure out what James was up to very quickly once the Marauders unleashed their cage of pixies on the Slytherins, regardless of the fact that James would be having sex with her while his friends were off doing his dirty work. The last thing that I wanted to do was get involved in a couple’s quarrel, and it was Lily’s business to sort James out. At least, I tried to tell myself this so that I could feel less guilty about helping James go behind her back. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The rest of my day managed to pass relatively smoothly, with no other amorous blokes approaching me. I’d mistakenly thought that my time putting up with the King of Mischief and the Gryffindor King would be over after I went on my way to the classes that I didn’t have with the boys, but to my surprise, I ran into the Marauders and Lily when I was on my way to dinner, having spent some time before the meal perusing the Restricted Section in the library. I was going down the stairs, heading for the Great Hall, and I had just reached the last few steps when I noticed the boys and Lily in the corridor outside the doors to the Great Hall. However, they were by no means in their usual formation, as I quickly noted how Lily was standing with James, Remus and Peter, looking across the corridor at Sirius, who was talking with Olivia-Rose Hall in a more private corner. Even though I was in the process of descending the last few steps of the stairs, I could see that things were not going well between Olivia-Rose and Sirius, as she was looking up at him expectantly, while he was looking around distractedly and only giving her his half-assed attention. 

Lily noticed me when I had finished going down the stairs and offered me a strained smile as I walked over to them, while Remus was frowning as he watched Sirius. 

“Just in time, Stripes. We’re watching Padfoot dispose of another one of his flings,” James said when I had joined the four of them, looking very blasé about the whole affair. 

“James,” Lily hissed. “Don’t condone his behaviour.”

He shrugged. “This is nearly a weekly occurrence, Lily.”

“Which is not a good thing, I might add,” Remus said, still watching Olivia-Rose talking to Sirius. Peter was looking bored and was chewing his fingernails again. 

James stuffed his hands in his pockets. “You won’t change his habits by telling him not to do it, Moony. You’ve been doing that for years and it’s done sod all.”

I watched Sirius as Olivia-Rose paused in her blather and looked up at him hopefully, but he merely looked around the corridor, and seeing us watching him, flashed us a supremely pained expression, pushing away a dark strand of hair that had fallen into his face. I watched Olivia-Rose’s hopeful expression fall and she crossed her arms in front of her chest, raising a finger to wipe at her eyes. Sirius finally turned his attention back to her, but when he saw the sniffling and emotional mess that she was becoming, a haughty expression crossed his face, and he didn’t bother to conceal the attitude of extreme disinterest that took over his whole body language. He said one last thing to her before he abruptly turned away from her and began walking over to us, his face lighting up with a grin at the sight of his friends waiting for him. To my horror, I watched Olivia-Rose stare at his retreating back for a beat before she scurried after him, even as he drew nearer us. 

Sirius grinned at James. “Prongs, do you know if-”

Olivia-Rose scurried faster after Sirius and made a grab for his hand. “Sirius, wait!” 

He jerked his hand away violently from her grasp, snarling in disgust. “Don’t fucking touch me,” he snapped.

“But, Sirius, please. I can-”

His face went cold before he whipped around to face her. Part of me was relieved that he had his back facing the five of us, as I didn’t know if I wanted to see him become a vicious, heartbreaking monster, so different from the playful, teasing Sirius whom I had gotten to know so far. I wondered whether Olivia-Rose was one of the virgins whom Sirius had deflowered, and who had now become too “clingy,” and whether it was a usual occurrence for girls to become this torn-up over him.

“I told you to fuck off, didn’t I? So why are you still here, Hall?” he snarled. 

“I, er… Sirius, I-”

I saw Lily look to James with wide eyes. “James, do something! You can’t just-”

“It’s never going to happen again, Hall,” Sirius growled. “I’d have to go well and truly mad to fuck you again, if you can even call it ‘fucking.’” He paused to let out a mocking bark of laughter. “You certainly could use some lessons, sweetheart.”

That certainly managed to do the trick, as Olivia-Rose spat a quiet “fuck you” at Sirius before she turned and marched off into the Great Hall, leaving Remus, Peter, Lily, James and I to watch as Sirius whipped around to face us again, his handsome face back to sporting its usual mischievous, playful expression. 

He grinned, grey eyes lingering on me. “Sorry for that hiccup. It’s over now, thank Merlin,” he said. 

Lily and Remus were frowning at him, while James looked totally unperturbed by his best mate being a mean asshole. “Padfoot, that was very poor form,” Remus said. 

Sirius raised an eyebrow at him. “What was? Me fending off some needy sixth-year? I hardly think I’m the only one who’d be annoyed by that drivel, Moony.”

“He means that you were a downright arrogant toerag about it,” Lily snapped. 

Sirius shrugged, his eyes focussing on me again as I stood beside him. “Anyone else would’ve done the same as me, Evans.”

Lily huffed and looked to James, but he was still standing with his hands in his pockets, not objecting at all to Sirius’s behaviour. “She looked very annoying, Padfoot,” Peter said, looking expectantly at Sirius. 

He grinned. “See? Thank you for your vote of confidence, Wormtail.” At Sirius’s compliment, Peter positively beamed, looking the happiest that he had all day. 

“Poor girl,” Remus muttered. 

Sirius was completely unaffected by the criticisms that were being directed at him, and instead he flashed me a grin. “And that, kitten, is how you break a heart.”

I shrugged. “Seems like a very messy business. Maybe you weren’t the neatest about breaking it off.”

Sirius quirked an eyebrow at me, a smirk playing on his lips. “You’re new to this, kitten. You’re not supposed to be criticizing the master heartbreaker.” 

Lily sighed and rolled her eyes so hard that I feared that they would get stuck facing the wrong way. “Merlin, you are a toerag of the highest degree. Come on, James. Let’s go eat,” she said, and then sashayed off to the Great Hall, with James jogging to catch up, calling out to her. 

Remus sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “Padfoot, you could stand to be a great deal nicer when you break things off with them,” he said and gave me a strange look. 

Sirius grinned. “Like I said earlier, Moony, you have to be blunt with some of them.”

Peter nodded vigorously. “Yeah, Moony. Looks like you need to be really blunt. Right, Padfoot?”

Remus raised an eyebrow at Peter before he sighed. “Well, you’ve already done the damage, so there isn’t really any point now. I just wish you wouldn’t be so cruel about it,” he said, and then turned away, heading off to the Great Hall. Sirius merely flashed me a half-smile, running a hand through his long hair. 

I smirked at him as we began following Remus to the Great Hall. “You’d better make sure that Avery gets attacked by a respectable number of the pixies this evening, old man. Or else the prank will have been for nothing.”

Sirius grinned at me, grey eyes full of mischief. “Of course, kitten. I’ll make sure that he gets thoroughly tormented by them just for you.”

I grinned at him. “You’re such a sweet old man.”

“And you’re such a sexy hellcat,” he said, smirking and looking me up and down. 

I laughed, shaking my head. “Only you could say that and make it sound charming, old man.” 

Sirius offered me a devilish grin as we walked through the doors to the Great Hall. “This is me that we’re talking about, kitten. I can make anything sound charming,” he said, and before I could react, he gave me another quick smack on the ass, and then continued walking with Peter to the Gryffindor table, leaving me to stand by the doors and watch him walk jauntily away. I stared at his retreating form and I couldn’t help but laugh to myself at what a ridiculous and frankly outrageous tosser he was. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Later that evening, Tess and I were serving detention under the supervision of Flich. Of all the places where we could have served our punishment, Flich chose the Dungeons, where we had to scrub one of the classrooms from floor to ceiling by hand. It was a filthy, sickening task, complete with an ungodly amount of rat droppings, cobwebs, melted wax from the candles, and crusted remnants of spilt potion ingredients. We were in there for hours, and as the time passed and as Filch flipped through yet another tabloid magazine about the Queen, I reckoned that sometime while we were stuck in here, the Marauders (sans James), would be making their trip down to the Slytherin Common Room. 

Tess and I were almost finished with our detention, and Filch still had his grimy face buried in a magazine, when the screaming and yelling started, carrying up from the Common Room. Flich made no indication that he had even heard the cacophony, until an extremely frazzled Slytherin prefect came running up from the Common Room, and seeing an adult, came into the classroom. 

The prefect was panting from his sprint, his hair frazzled and robes ripped in several places. “Flich, get some professors to help us, someone let pixies loose in the Common Room,” he said breathlessly. 

Filch snapped his magazine closed and got up, frowning severely. He took his sweet time before he finally slunk out the door, muttering the whole time about “little Slytherin prats” who caused trouble for him and Mrs Norris. The Slytherin prefect followed him out, and Tess and I took one look at each other and then dashed for the door, stopping for a moment when we were safely down the corridor from the classroom. 

“Wait, Tess, let me clean us up first,” I said, brushing off her robe sleeve where it had been dragging along the ground from the cleaning. I quickly cast _scourgify_ over her and then myself, brushing any dust from my robes. 

“Fancy a guess as to who the responsible party is?” Tess said sarcastically, nodding her head towards the other end of the corridor, where the entrance to the Slytherin Common Room was hidden. 

“I already know that they did it, they told me yesterday,” I said. 

She raised an eyebrow at me. “Did they really? Why am I not surprised.”

“What? The terrible twosome was having a smoke break and I happened to come across them. That’s when they told me.”

She laughed. “‘Terrible twosome’ is a very apt term for them.”

I chuckled. “Come on, let’s get out of here before Filch gets back and before someone tries to blame it on us,” I said, and we headed off down the corridor. We had just emerged from the Dungeons and we were making our way to the magical staircases, when I heard whispering and insistent voices coming from behind us. 

“Padfoot, no! You’ll blow our cover, don’t-”

I stopped and turned around to where the voices were coming from and saw Sirius standing there, looking ridiculously pleased with himself. He was wearing his shit-eating grin, his dark waves more ruffled than usual, nearly bouncing up and down in place from his excitement. 

I heard Tess sigh. “Oh, for crying out loud.”

Sirius beamed, watching me. “Kitten! Fancy seeing you here.”

I laughed, his joy infectious. “And fancy seeing you here, old man. How’d it go?”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter, walking up to me. He looked even more handsome when he was grinning from ear to ear like this, his whole demeanor lit up by his enthusiasm. “It went exactly as planned, kitten.”

“Did Avery get sufficiently pummeled?”

Sirius grinned, grey eyes alight. “Of course, kitten. I couldn’t let you down, could I?” 

“How considerate of you, old man,” I said, laughing. “But where are your other two partners in crime?” 

I heard footsteps, and then Remus and Peter emerged from the stairwell that led down to the Dungeons. Peter was frowning and gave me a nasty look, while Remus was looking between me and Sirius knowingly. 

“No Prongs here, of course,” Remus said, stopping to stand with us. 

“Wasn’t the same without him,” Peter muttered. 

Sirius grinned at his friend. “I know, Wormtail, but would you really be a good friend to Prongs if you got in the way of him getting laid?” 

I snorted with laughter and I heard Tess grumble behind me. “So he really did take my advice?” I said. 

“Surprisingly, yes, kitten,” Sirius said. 

“I thought it was dumb,” Peter muttered under his breath. 

“Wonder what he said to convince Lily to go up there with him,” I said. 

Sirius shrugged, pushing a strand of hair out his face. “Isn’t the whole premise alone enough of a motivator?”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean?” 

“I’m assuming Evans is like any other girl and wants to fuck her boyfriend too.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “You dog.”

Sirius smirked at me. “I know best about what girls want, kitten.” I chuckled, meeting his eyes. He did have a point about that. 

“Gross,” Tess muttered. 

“Padfoot, honestly. You can’t stand to not talk about sex for once?” Remus said. 

Sirius grinned smugly at me. “Not when there are incredibly sexy hellcats present.”

I laughed, poking at Sirius. “You’re an insatiable, obsessive, horny old man.”

“You shouldn’t use that as an insult, kitten, if it means that you get to have sex more often.” 

I stared at him for a moment in surprise, mouth agape. “Shut up, old man,” I said, laughing and poking at his sides in earnest. 

He grinned, twisting away from me. “You’re such a spitfire today, kitten.”

“Padfoot, we’ll get caught if we linger,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. 

“Are you sure you want to go back to the Gryffindor Tower, whatwith Rotter’s alibi?” I said. 

Sirius let out a bark of laughter, while Peter looked uncomfortable and Remus sighed deeply. “Kitten, you’re a genius.” 

“No, she’s not really,” Peter mumbled. 

We watched as a few professors came striding quickly down the stairs and right by us, not paying us any mind except the odd look, instead concentrating on getting down to the Dungeons to get the pixie invasion under control. 

“How does one deal with the amount of pixies that you released down there?” I asked. 

Sirius shrugged. “Maybe _petrificus totalus_. I was more focused on enjoying the chaos that was happening after we released them.”

“It’s too bad, I would’ve wanted to see Avery being attacked by Cornish pixies,” I said. 

A grin split Sirius’s face. “Oh, you really should’ve seen it, kitten,” he said, throwing an arm around my shoulders and using his other hand to gesture as he told me about the prank that he’d just helped execute. “What a glorious sight! Slytherins being pulled into the air by their ears, belongings being picked up and carried off, girls screaming and running as pixies pulled their hair.”

I laughed, seeing how enthusiastic he was. Tess grumbled again. “You were flying around too, then, Black? And pulling girls’ hair?” she said in a snarky voice. 

Sirius shot her a look from beside me. “What?”

“Since you’re the biggest Cornish pixie of them all,” she said, giving him a nasty look, before we both started chuckling. 

Sirius looked down at me, his arm still around my shoulders. “Kitten, are you calling me a pixie to your friends? That’s not very nice.”

I laughed. “We only made one joke about it, since you could be compared to a pixie in many ways, old man.”

“Because he’s mischievous and loves to wreak havoc on anyone and everyone?” Remus said.

Tess and I laughed. “Yes, exactly,” I said. 

Sirius pouted, pretending to brush away tears. “Oh, kitten, you’re so cold.”

I poked him in his exposed side. “Aren’t you glad to hear that four girls were talking about you in their free time, of their own volition, old man?” 

Sirius grinned down at me. “Alright, yes. You know, I do love being talked about.”

“Yes, I know that, you vain old man.”

“Clearly I’ve unknowingly put you under a powerful spell, kitten, since you can’t stop being around me and when we’re not together, you can’t stop talking about me either.” 

I stared up at him, my mouth agape. “You arrogant tosser!” I teased him, laughing. 

“What? It’s the truth.” 

I started poking and trying to tickle him in earnest. “You’re full of shit, old man.”

Sirius laughed, sidestepping my attack on him with my fingers. “You’re only angry because it’s true, kitten.”

“I’ll break every one of your fragile, geriatric bones and then you can say that to my face,” I said, before Sirius and I started laughing, and Remus and Tess rolled their eyes. 

“Are you going to fuck me so hard that I break my bones? Is that how you’ll do that, kitten?” 

“No, I was thinking that I’d push you down the stairs. It’s not like your balance is any good, since you’re such an old bugger.” 

“Oh, kitten, not even a good way to break all the bones in my body?” 

“Is there a good way to do that, Padfoot?” Remus muttered.

“There’re some rather crazy sex positions out there, Moony.” 

“Ew, you’re obsessed with fucking girls. It’s revolting,” Tess said. 

“The closest you’ll get to sex is riding your broom, Rhodes, so why don’t you piss off?” Sirius said, directing a nasty smile at her.

“Stop insulting my friend, old man, or I’ll make good on my promise to push you down the stairs.” 

Sirius flashed me a charming smile. “Sorry, kitten.” Tess was shaking her head, looking disgusted by me having a good time and getting along with Sirius. I wasn’t sure why she had such a problem with him anyway. Maybe it was because of the quidditch rivalry. 

Remus sighed. “Come on, Padfoot, you’ll get us all in trouble,” he said, before he started walking off towards the stairs, heading for the Gryffindor Tower. 

“Aren’t you already all in trouble?” Tess grumbled. 

“Padfoot, come on,” Peter said, glaring at me. 

“Merlin, no need to be impatient,” Sirius said before he started following Remus and Peter. “Bye, kitten,” he said, turning around to shoot me a last cocky grin before he jogged after Peter. 

“How about I race you to the Common Room, Wormtail?” he said, clapping him on the back as they neared the staircase. 

“Alright, Padfoot,” Peter said, giggling before he and Sirius started leaping up the stairs. I watched Sirius’s tall, dark-haired form as he bounded up the stairs two at a time, and soon he was already much farther up than his short friend. I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself as I watched him spring away and then vanish from sight as he turned a corner, followed by Peter and then finally Remus. While I wasn’t blind to Sirius’s faults, and I could see that he had been being an arrogant ass today and that his cockiness tended to rub some people the wrong way, I couldn’t find it in myself to get irritated by his arrogant tendencies anymore. After all the time that I’d spent with him so far, I had to admit that he was really growing on me.


	22. The Invisibility Cloak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t like how this chapter turned out and wanted to end it differently. I promise that Chapter 23 is going to be a very fun one with lots of Sirius in it ;)

When Tess and I returned to the dormitory from our interrupted detention with Filch, we found out all about Emily’s punishment from Flitwick. As it turned out, Emily’s had indeed received a very stern talking-to from Flitwick, and she had to tutor all of the first-year Ravenclaws in a variety of subjects for the rest of the year multiple times a week, and she was now on a probationary period in the Duelling Club, and would be reinstated as the Head of it if she proved worthy. Her parents had also been notified, and we all knew that she was at risk of receiving a Howler as soon as her parents read the letter. Of course Tess spilled the beans to Lia and Em about us running into Sirius, Remus and Peter on the way back, and the three of them would not stop teasing me for the whole evening and the rest of the weekend about me supposedly having Sirius by the balls, and how not only did I have a nickname for him, but he also had one for me that he now used incessantly to address me. 

Besides the relentless teasing from the girls, the weekend passed quietly and I enjoyed some time on my own, prowling the Forbidden Forest and Hogwarts grounds at night and sleeping during the day, true to my animagus form. On Monday, Lily and I agreed to meet in the library the next day because we had yet to get round to reading up on what the boys’ tracking device might be. I figured that she also might be wanting to tell me about her time with James on Friday. We decided to meet right after classes on Tuesday outside the library, and when I went there from my classes with the girls, I found her already waiting for me outside the library doors. She was fiddling with her uniform sleeves but when she saw me approaching her, she smiled and waved to me. 

“Good afternoon, Lily,” I said when I had reached her. 

“Hi, Kersti. Let’s go in, shall we?” she said, smiling. 

“Of course. Where should we look first in the library? I’m not sure what categories any useful books might fall under, since we’re not really sure what this tracking device is,” I said as I opened the door for her and then followed her in. 

She paused for a moment, lowering her voice as The Pincer walked by, glaring at us over the top of her glasses. “Why don’t we start in the section about magical objects? And then we’ll make our way to other sections.” 

“Lead the way, my dear Lily,” I said, smiling. 

She chuckled and then led the way into the maze of towering book shelves, navigating the library sections with the confidence that I would assume came from years and years of coming in here, much the same as I knew my way around the library like the back of my hand. We eventually stopped in said section, and Lily and I both cast _lumos_ in order to properly read the titles of the books. We started at opposite ends of the bookshelves and worked our way in for the better part of an hour, pulling books off the shelf every once in a while and pausing to flip through them by the light of our wand tips. 

“Did you hear about that family of Muggles?” Lily said, looking up at the bookshelf before her. 

I looked up from the battered book I was reading. “No, I didn’t.”

She turned to look at me. “It was in _The Daily Prophet_. A whole family of them was found dead.”

I stared at her for a moment, my mind immediately thinking of my own family. “Did they have any children who went to Hogwarts?” 

Lily shook her head. “I’m not sure. But the thing is, the Ministry officials who were looking into it confirmed that they were killed by magic, that it was another attack by dark wizards.” 

I closed the book and put it back on the shelf, my tense expression mirroring Lily’s. “Was it anywhere near where your family lives, Lily?” 

She frowned. “No, thank god. It was somewhere in London, I can’t remember where exactly. But according to the Ministry, the attacks have been spreading out of the city proper for a while, reaching more of the outskirts.”

I looked at Lily, my stomach dropping. My family lived in Reading, which was comparatively not that far from London. I stared up at the bookshelves before me for a long time, staying silent even as Lily stared at me curiously. After a long moment, I cleared my throat and looked back to her, meeting her pretty green eyes. “Do you… d’you ever worry about your family’s safety?” I asked her. All I could think about was how the family of Muggles could maybe have been my family, killed by dark magic and lying dead in their house, and then being discovered by Ministry officials and reported in the paper.

Lily looked at me sadly. “No, not really. They’re all the way in Cokeworth, in the Midlands. I know that there’ve been attacks all throughout wizarding Britain, but they say that Minchum and Crouch have been making quite a lot of good progress.” 

“Yes, but will that be enough?” I said quietly. “And what about my safety? Even this year has already been getting worse, Lily. Avery’s only after me right now for spurning his advances, but soon enough he’ll find out that I’m ‘mudblood filth’ and I don’t know how far he’ll go with his threats against me.”

“I’m sorry, Kersti. I’ve been feeling it too, the growing hostility in Hogwarts towards Muggleborn students. Just the other day I had to break up what nearly became a duel because some Slytherins were calling some younger students derogatory terms.” 

I pulled another book off the shelf, staring at it in my hands absentmindedly. “Thank Merlin you have Potter to defend you from any Slytherin blood purists,” I said. 

Lily smiled, studying me. “Yes, I am grateful for that. For all him and his toerag ways, I do feel safer when I’m with him and the boys.”

“Are they your entourage of bodyguards now, Lily?” I asked, chuckling. 

She smiled. “I’m not always around them, Kersti. They do go off and get up to their usual tomfoolery, and then I have a respite from them and hang about with Mary and Marlene.”

“What? You’re really not attached at the hip to James Potter?” I teased her. 

She laughed. “No, Merlin forbid. I don’t truly understand how Remus has managed to keep his head on straight for so many years.” 

I chuckled, thinking about all the ridiculousness that he must be caught up in. “You know, I think he’s more mischievous than he lets on. Or else he would’ve gone barmy a long, long time ago because of his mates.”

Lily chuckled and then her face lit up suddenly. “Oh, I’ve been meaning to tell you this whole time about… er… well… what James and I got up to on Friday.” 

I smiled at her blushing face. “Well, what was it? Come on, let’s have out with it.” 

“Don’t you already know what happened?” 

I stared at Lily for a moment before I flashed her a supplicating smile. “I’m sorry for sticking my nose in your business and coming up with Rotter’s alibi. I really am, Lily. I was encouraging him to revert back to his old ways when I suggested that he send his friends off to do his dirty business and I’m sorry for that.”

Lily tucked some hair behind her ears. “You gave yourself away, you know. When you made that comment about James needing to thank you.”

“I didn’t think for a second that it would be a good enough strategy to fool you, Lily. I truly am sorry, I’m not taking the piss.”

Lily smiled. “You don’t have to apologize to me so much, it wasn’t a big issue. I’m not mad at you, and I think it was funny that it was your idea. And anyway, as soon as I heard that evening that there were loose pixies in the Slytherin Common Room, it wasn’t hard to figure out who was responsible.”

“Did you confront Rotter about it?” 

Lily chuckled. “Yes, gave him quite the fright too. He was under the impression that I was preparing to dump him. Of course, I wouldn’t, seeing as he admitted to everything right away. Eagerly too, I might add.”

I chuckled, imagining Lily scolding James. “At least he’s an honest idiot, I’ll give him that.”

Lily sighed deeply. “The shining example of a toerag. If he hadn’t confessed to the prank, then Black’s bragging would’ve tipped me off to their scheme.”

I chuckled. “He was really quite full of himself. The most I’ve ever seen him, actually.”

“Typical.” 

I wondered briefly if Sirius had been right when he’d said that Lily made excuses for James, and whether he thought that Lily wouldn’t dump James now no matter what he did. “Sorry, I’ve derailed the conversation. Are you still wanting to tell me about Friday with Rotter?” 

Lily nodded and cleared her throat emphatically. “Yes, er… well, we finally had sex. Or rather, I finally had sex for the first time. With him. And, er…”

I giggled. “Was it good?” 

Lily blushed and quirked an eyebrow at me. “Yes, much better than I thought it would be. Alice scared me when she was telling me about losing her virginity, and Mary and Marlene are still virgins, so I really didn’t have much to go on. Well, except some raunchy Muggle romance novels.”

I laughed. “Was he a virgin?” 

She shook her head. “No, but he hadn’t, er… had many girls before. Only two.”

“Did he try his best to make it an enjoyable experience? If not, you can send me to claw him.”

She smiled. “There’s no need for violence, Kersti. He was a proper gentleman about it.”

“Well, at least he knows how to not be a toerag when it matters.”

“That’s true,” Lily said, taking a book off the shelf and running her fingers down the spine as she thought about something for a moment. “What was your first time like?” 

I chuckled, looking up at the shelves in front of me as I remembered losing my virginity. “It certainly wasn’t a horror story, but it could’ve been much better.”

Lily turned to look at me, interest piqued. “What happened?” 

I smiled wryly to myself. “For starters, it was for a one-night stand, and I’d just barely met the bloke. He wasn’t the best at communicating, and neither was I, really. I was too tight because I couldn’t relax, mostly because I was trying to have sex with a near-stranger, and so it was quite painful until we found the right position.”

“I’m sorry, that sounds absolutely dreadful.”

I waved my hands nonchalantly. “Don’t worry about it. It was my choice, and I chose to be a bit foolish about losing my virginity. I should’ve known that I wouldn’t be able to relax enough during a one-night stand to have an enjoyable experience.”

“He could’ve done a better job though, from the sounds of it.”

I chuckled. “Yes, you’re right. I think it’s much better if you’re comfortable with the other person.”

Lily smiled. “I am grateful that I was more or less comfortable with James before we decided to do the deed.”

“Did you orgasm?” 

Lily turned red and fiddled with her Head Girl badge. “Yes, once.”

“You’re lucky, my first time was very anticlimactic, pun intended.” 

She shook her head, a smile curling up her lips. “I am more surprised that you’re not asking me more graphic questions, Kersti. Mary and Marlene nearly made me give them a blow by blow retelling, as if it were a recap of a football match.”

“That’s because even thinking about Rotter in any sort of intimate context like that makes me incredibly nauseous.”

Lily raised an eyebrow at me. “Yes, alright. I suppose so.”

“Well, look at it like this, Lily. How would you feel if I started giving you an extremely graphic and detailed account of mine and Sirius’s most recent sexual encounter?”

“Ew, no, Kersti. No, thank you! I do not need to hear that.” 

“See what I mean? You can tell me about what happened in broad strokes, but rest assured that I won’t be asking you for all the nitty gritty details, Lily.”

She looked at me thoughtfully for a moment. “You’re still sleeping with him, then?” 

I nodded. She gave me a knowing look, like she was ready to say ‘I told you so.’ “He does treat you differently, you know.”

I rolled my eyes and picked up a book, studying the front cover. “Even if he does, it wouldn’t change anything, and it’s not like I want a relationship. I’m perfectly happy to have him simply scratch an itch for me.” 

“Now you’re just being stubborn about this, Kersti. Believe me, his preferential treatment of you is a total shock to me too.”

“Preferential treatment?”

“He has a unique nickname for you, for Merlin’s sake. That’s unprecedented.”

“Doesn’t he usually call girls ‘love?’”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Yes, but ‘kitten?’ That’s unique to you, not to mention that he uses it incessantly.”

I laughed. “That’s probably only because I call him ‘old man.’”

“Why do you call him ‘old man’ anyway?” 

“Because he’s born in November of 1959. His birthday came up during Hogsmeade and then I started calling him ‘old man,’ and it stuck.”

Lily laughed for a moment. “I think he likes it when you tease him.”

I shrugged. “He teases me plenty, I can’t let him get away without getting even.” 

“If you keep this up for another month or two, you’ll have him completely under your thumb.”

I groaned and scrubbed at my face. “The whole point is that he’ll grow bored of me! The chemistry will fade eventually. Mind you, I don’t know why he’s not already gotten bored of me and why he’s still sleeping with me, I’m just going along with it. If he hasn’t already forgotten about me by the time the Christmas holidays roll around, then he’ll surely forget all about me during the two weeks away from Hogwarts over the holidays.” 

Lily shrugged. “I’m just observing the facts, Kersti.”

“I think you’re reading too much into it, Lily.” 

“No, I’m not. I can see that you two have a very unexpected friendly dynamic, in addition to sleeping with each other.”

“Doesn’t mean it’ll turn into anything. And anyway, it must’ve been very unexpected for you to come back to school for your seventh year and realize that you didn’t hate Rotter anymore,” I pointed out.

Lily chuckled, tucking some hair behind her ears. “Oh, alright, you’ve got me there. But what I’d really like to know is why James calls you ‘Stripes.’” 

I shrugged. “Dunno, Lily.”

“It’s like you’re a cat to them. A tiger, if anything.”

I shrugged again and I swore that I heard a snicker coming from behind me, farther down the row of books, but I ignored it. 

“And what on earth is with all the cat jokes directed at you, Kersti? They really did make a lot of them the other day. Is that why Black calls you ‘kitten?’ And why’s he making comments about how you have hairballs?” Lily asked, looking at me. 

I was about to answer her when I distinctly heard whispers and snickers coming from behind me. I turned around, but to my surprise there was no one in the long, deserted row of books. 

“Kersti, what are you looking at?” Lily said. 

I turned back to her, confused. “I swear to god that I heard whispers.”

Lily shrugged. “I didn’t hear anything.” 

I figured that it must be people farther away than our row of books, and that I had only heard the noise because of my animagus hearing. “Anyway, in answer to your question, I don’t know. Beats me why those two idiots do anything, Lily.”

Lily laughed. “That’s very true.” 

I heard shuffling footsteps along the floor, which I chalked up to someone moving around in the next row of bookshelves over. “I mean, has anyone really tried to understand why those two tossers do anything? I can guarantee you no one has tried to do so, because it would confuse even McGonagall.” 

Lily chuckled and this time I distinctly heard whispers and snickers coming from much nearer to me and Lily than I had thought. I turned around, but once again, I was confronted by an empty row of shelves. I scanned the aisle between the books before me, looking in vain for something, and finding nothing. 

“Kersti, are you quite alright? I honestly don’t hear anything,” Lily said. 

I kept scanning the aisle before me. Was I having some sort of a premonition? Or was a more powerful vision beginning to take hold of me? I doubted it, as usually I would actually hear what the voices were saying, and not only hear muffled snickers and whispers. “I swear to god, I think I’m going mad,” I muttered, giving up and turning back to Lily.

“I think we’ll both end up going mad because of the two of them.”

I chuckled and used my wand to levitate the book in my other hand up and back to its rightful spot. “Investigating whatever it is that they use to track us down is a sort of last ditch attempt to maintain my sanity.”

She laughed. “I hate to admit it, but I think that their tracking object has even us at a total loss.”

This time both Lily and I heard the muffled giggles, and we both turned around to scan the aisle behind me. “See? I can’t see a single fucking person, so that must mean that we’re finally going barmy.”

Lily was frowning as she looked down the row of bookshelves. “Maybe it’s Peeves?” 

“We’d know by now if it were Peeves. He’s not that subtle.”

“Maybe we’ve gone so barmy that we’re hearing the lost souls of the musty books talking to us,” Lily deadpanned, and I laughed and turned back to her. 

“Might as well cart us off to St. Mungo’s.”

“We don’t even need the ‘twiggy business’ to be declared insane.”

I laughed. “Poor Rotter will surely miss you after you’re taken away.”

“That’s not my fault. I won’t even know where I’m being taken or who I am anymore, I’ll be raving mad,” she said in such a serious voice that I started laughing. 

Lily smiled, shaking her head. “Come on, I’m sure it’s just someone playing a trick on us. We can try some of the other sections in the library.” 

She turned away and headed in the opposite direction from where we’d heard the voices, and as I trailed her I swore that I heard not only footsteps, but also the same whispering voices following me, though there was no one there. I was convinced that I was well and truly going mad, until I heard someone let out a low wolf-whistle behind me as I walked. This time, both Lily and I turned around, only to be confronted yet again with the same empty aisle. 

“I’ve gone certifiably mad, Lily.”

“We both have,” she muttered. “Let’s get out of here. Maybe whoever it is will stop when we’ve reached a more public part of the library.”

Lily and I speedwalked out of the aisle, thankfully not to the sound of any more voices or whistles. When we had stopped in a section of the library with groups of students huddled around tables, we paused to reorient ourselves. 

“Where next?” I asked. 

Lily shrugged. “I honestly don’t know.”

“The Restricted Section?” 

She flashed me a look. “No, Kersti.”

“Why not?”

“For one, because I’m Head Girl and I can’t let you break rules right under my nose. Secondly, because there’s a reason that it’s called the Restricted Section.”

“But how else are we supposed to find out what their tracking device is?” I said, and to our surprise we again heard the same snickers and snorts of repressed laughter from before. 

Lily turned her green-eyed gaze from me to the empty space behind us, which was the dim entrance to a different aisle of books. Both of us stared down the aisle for a minute, but we still couldn’t see anyone, and so eventually Lily turned back to me. “I know that it’s tempting, but I can’t let us break rules like that, especially not since I’m Head Girl.”

I shrugged. “Rotter breaks lots of rules.”

“Don’t you start copying him now too,” she said, to the sound of those blasted giggles again. 

I reckoned that I shouldn’t mention to Lily that I’d been sneaking into the Restricted Section for several years now. “You don’t have to break the rules, I’ll go alone.”

She looked at me for a long moment. 

“It’s levelling the playing field, Lily,” I added. 

“You’re going to do it whether I condone the behaviour or not, aren’t you?” 

I offered her a cheeky grin, to the tune of the muffled snickers. “Yes.”

She held up her hands in front of herself, smiling ruefully. “Alright, fine. I can’t stop you, but I won’t participate either. You go have your jaunt in the Restricted Section, I’ll be over here in the normal, unrestricted part of the library. Go on, then,” she said, making a shooing motion with her hand. 

I flashed her a grin. “It’s just getting even.”

She couldn’t help but let out a short laugh at my antics. “Don’t get caught,” she said, and with that we went our separate ways, with me making a beeline for the Restricted Section. I walked quickly and quietly, keeping an eye out for The Pincer, and thankfully I didn’t hear any more of the disembodied giggles or voices. I walked into the Restricted Section, starting with the area that contained literature about magical objects. I had only been perusing the titles of the books before me for a few minutes when I again heard those damn whispering voices. Again, I turned around to scan the aisle around me, but there was absolutely no one to be seen. 

I picked a book off the shelf that looked somewhat relevant and opened it, and I was scanning the table of contents when I heard something fall with a loud thud behind me. I turned around and saw a book that had somehow of its own accord fallen from a shelf onto the ground. I used my wand to levitate the book back to its proper place and turned back to the one in my hands. I had only read a few sentences when two books followed the first and suspiciously fell off the shelves, hitting the floor with dull thuds. I sighed, levitating those books back up to their rightful places too, the hairs standing up on the back of my neck ominously. Someone was clearly trying to fuck with me, but I had no idea how they could be doing that if there was no one in the aisle with me. I put the book in my hands back and took a few steps sideways, reading the titles of the tomes as I went. I was reaching a hand up to take a different one off the shelf when I heard the same snickers. 

“Grindylow,” someone whispered in a barely audible voice. 

I turned around, but still there was no one there. I swallowed my growing apprehension and turned back to the book that I’d been reaching for. 

“Grindylow,” came the whispering voice again. I ignored it and grabbed the book off the shelf. 

“Grindylow.”

I did my best to not let the voice and whoever was trying to trick me bother me, and flipped open the book. “If I ask nicely, will you bugger off?” I said. 

Snickers and whispers, and then silence. I stood there with the book in my hands for a few laboured, tense minutes, listening for any other voices, but it was deadly silent. I ignored my pulse thundering in my ears and my body growing tense from the uneasiness, and set to reading the volume in my hand. I had been reading for a few minutes when I came across a section of the book that mentioned Seers and crystal balls, and I eagerly pored over those pages, forgetting all about the spooky voices, so intent was I in my reading. In the end, that was my downfall. 

Suddenly, two pairs of hands grabbed each of my arms. “BOO!” 

“AHHHH, FUUUUCKKKKKKK!” I screamed and dropped the book in my fright, turning around to the sight of none other than James and Sirius standing behind me, laughing their heads off. James had his hands over his mouth in a vain attempt to muffle his hysterical laughter, while Sirius had a hand on his best mate’s shoulder for support, since he was nearly doubled over in hysterics as he clutched at his abdomen. James had to take off his glasses to wipe the tears from the corners of his eyes because he was laughing so hard. Sirius was doing a delirious silent laugh, his shoulders shaking violently. 

“You were right about her, Padfoot. It’s very easy and satisfying to scare her,” James said when he had somewhat composed himself. 

Sirius had managed to straighten up now, raising his fingers to wipe the tears from his eyes. “We got her even better than I did in the bookstore.”

I glowered at both of them, crossing my arms over my chest. “Fuck you.”

James laughed. “What, you thought that we’d let you get away with that trick you pulled with the Polyjuice potion?”

Sirius tutted, grinning at me. “You should have seen this coming, kitten.”

I levitated the book that I’d dropped back onto the shelf, trying to still my hands that were shaking from the rush of the scare. “I even asked nicely if you would bugger off.”

“That isn’t going to cut it after you tricked me, Grindylow,” James said. 

“And you’re just too fun to scare, kitten,” Sirius said. 

“Piss off, both of you.”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. “Aw, kitten. No need to be a sore loser.”

I rolled my eyes. “Tosser.”

James clapped Sirius on the back. “You hold Grindylow back, Padfoot. I’ve got to go find Evans.”

“What? No! Leave Lily out of it,” I said. 

James grinned, pushing his glasses back up his nose. “It won’t be as bad a scare for her as it was for you, Grindylow,” he said, and with that he set off down the aisle at a jog, an odd garment that I hadn’t noticed before slung over his arm. I tried to make a move to run after him and prevent Lily from having the shit scared out of her, but Sirius grabbed me by my upper arm. 

He raised an eyebrow at me, a smirk playing on his lips. “Where are you going, kitten?” 

“Unhand me, you dog,” I said, even though my skin was tingling pleasurably under the grip that he had on my arm. 

He leaned his head closer to mine, distracting me with the proximity of his face, his grey eyes fixed on me and his lips tantalizingly close to mine. “No. Sorry, kitten.”

I chuckled. “You’re not even sorry, old man.”

He grinned. “Of course not.”

I was debating closing the distance between us and kissing him, if it weren’t for the firm footsteps that I head approaching. I met Sirius’s gaze. “The Pincer!” I whispered. 

Sirius made a face. “Oh, shit. Let’s go, kitten. I don’t want another detention.”

I chuckled before we both made a mad dash down the aisle and then turned a corner, heading back out of the Restricted Section and into the normal part of the library. Sirius and I paused, grinning and trying to smother our laughter in the shadow of a bookshelf. He was smiling at me and my heart raced as his gaze lingered on my lips. 

“Where were we, kitten?” he said, dipping his head closer to mine. 

I leaned back against the bookshelf, avoiding his beautiful lips. “Not in the library, you indecent old man.”

Sirius smirked and braced a hand against the bookshelves by my head, leaning in close to me. “Why not, kitten? Are you embarrassed to be caught with me?”

Some sixth year students walked by our hiding spot and burst into giggles when they saw us looking ready to do some kissing in the library. “That’s why,” I said when they had moved on. 

He laughed, his gaze still fixed on my lips. “Dunno, kitten. If-”

A scream cut through the library, followed by an indignant voice. “JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER!”

Sirius and I laughed, knowing exactly whose voice that was and what James had done to cause such a reaction. “Come on, old man. I’ve got to see if poor Lily is alright after the scare that Rotter gave her.”

He pouted and I chuckled at his expression, before I led the way to where I’d heard Lily’s voice coming from, and soon enough I heard her incensed tones coming from near the front of the library. 

“. . .and don’t ever, ever sneak up on me again like that, James Potter! You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“Have I ever told you how cute you look when you’re angry?”

“Toerag! You are such a toerag!” 

Sirius and I rounded a corner and saw Lily standing in front of a bookshelf, eyes flashing as she stared angrily up at James. They saw us approaching and turned to face us, Lily looking sour and James with a grin splitting his face. He high fived Sirius when we had reached them, the two of them looking far too pleased with themselves. 

“They got you too? I heard your scream from over here,” Lily said, throwing James and Sirius a dirty look. 

“They both scared me at the same time. And your scream was what led me here.”

Sirius chuckled, grey eyes alight. “You should’ve seen your face, kitten. You looked so confused when those books started falling off the shelves but no one was there.”

“You were so funny when you were looking around the aisle,” James said, offering Lily a loopy smile. 

She huffed and recrossed her arms in front of her chest, muttering under her breath. 

Sirius shrugged, his hands in his pockets. “A bit late, but that was revenge for the Polyjuice incident.”

“We gave Grindylow quite the scare, didn’t we, Padfoot? I think she’s ready to slink back into the Black Lake for good.” 

Sirius chuckled, looking at me standing beside him. I flashed James a dirty look. “Wanker.”

My insult slid right off James like water and he only continued to grin. “Revenge is sweet.”

“James, I don’t see why-”

“Get out!”

The four of us turned to see The Pincer herself standing there, breathing hard and practically spitting fire. “Get out! All of you! OUT!” she snapped, shooing us towards the exit. “And don’t come back into my library until you’ve learnt the comportment befitting a sanctuary of learning!” 

Lily and I led the way out of the library, both of us ready to whack James and Sirius over the heads with our textbooks, as they would not quit laughing and talking about how they had scared both of us so thoroughly. Lily burst out of the doors first, but ground to a halt outside in the corridor when she saw Remus and Peter standing against the opposite wall, the former reading a book and the latter flipping through his deck of Chocolate Frog Cards. Remus looked up when he heard the doors to the library open and couldn’t help the half-smile that shaped his lips as his gaze bounced from Lily’s vexed expression, to James and Sirius’s gratified ones. 

“Moony, you missed all the girls screaming,” James said, throwing an arm around Lily’s shoulders. She sidestepped out from under his arm, still unimpressed with him and resisting his attempts to sweep her off to join his friends.

“We do have that effect on the ladies, Prongs. They can’t seem to stop screaming when we’re around,” Sirius said, laying a hand on each of my shoulders and trying to walk me forward from behind.

“Honestly, old man. You’re so handsy,” I said, sidestepping out from his grasp. 

Sirius offered me a charming smile and a wink. “I know you like it, kitten. Don’t try to deny it.”

“No, you’re not getting off that easy, neither of you are,” I said and exchanged a look with Lily. 

James laughed. “What are you going to do, Grindylow? Hit me over the head with your book?” 

I mouthed ‘watch out,’ to Lily before grinning evilly at James. “Something like that,” I said and then before either of the boys could react, I waved my wand. The books in Lily’s bag as well as the one in her hand flew into the air and then dove in a line towards James’s head. 

“Bloody hell!” he said, raising his arms to shield his face and head, and to block the books that were ramming themselves at him. 

Sirius burst out laughing. “It’s Grindylow and the Curse of the Flying Books!”

I was backing away, needing to make an exit while James was distracted and before he could jinx me back, but I couldn’t let Sirius get away with scaring me either, and so I made a book zoom towards him. It whizzed up into the air, made a spiraling dive behind him, and then flew forward, hitting him over the back of the head with its path, before joining the others in their literary attack on James. Peter looked livid and was staring at me, Remus was trying to hide his chuckling behind his palm, and Lily was staring, mouth open, between me and James. 

“Kersti, my word!” she said. 

“Duck, Lily!” I said, offering her a smile and then dashing down the corridor, to the sounds of Sirius’s barking laugh and James’s cursing. 

“Get back here, Grindylow!” James yelled at me. “You won’t get away with this!”

I laughed and kept on running. If I could handle a murderous Slytherin blood purist like Avery, I was confident that I could handle James Potter, the King of Mischief.


	23. Gryffindor Quidditch Idiots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m attempting to add even more British slang, expressions and vocab into my writing, so if the writing seems inconsistent, it’s because I’m in the process of fixing the previous chapters. I’ve also taken some creative liberties with the dormitories and added an attached bathroom. 
> 
> Saturday Night’s Alright (for Fighting) by Elton John

Friday passed by in a haze, until the evening. I’d gotten terrible sleep the night before, filled with tossing and turning and terrifying dreams, and so I’d dozed through most of my classes and then headed up to the dormitory to have a nap after Apparition. Everyone had been talking about the quidditch match that was going to take place after classes, which would be between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, but all my sluggish brain could think about was how good it would be to finally get back to my bed and catch up on my sleep. And I did just that. As soon as classes were finished, I went back up to the dormitory and fell asleep as soon as I’d curled up, cocooning under the covers to combat the airiness and openness of the Ravenclaw Tower. I slept for several hours, until the girls came back. 

“Kersti, are you under there?” I heard Lia ask. 

“Mmm, yes,” I muttered. 

A pillow flew through the air and hit me. “Get up, you lazy arse!” Tess teased me. 

I stretched my body and then withdrew my head from under the covers, blinking away the sleep. Emily was hunting around in her wardrobe while Lia was reading a book and Tess was tossing a spare quaffle that she had up in the air as she laid on her bed. It was evening now, the windows of the dormitory dark. 

Emily grabbed some clothes and began changing. We’d all shared a dormitory for so long that we were used to changing in front of each other. “Kersti, are you coming with me?” Emily asked. 

I rubbed my face. “Huh?”

Emily slipped a pale blue shirt over her head. “The celebration party?”

I rubbed my face again. “Dunno what you’re talking about, Em.”

Lia laughed. “Gryffindor won, of course. And so they’re throwing a celebration party in the Common Room. Mind you, only Em’s got the invitation to go, because of Riley. It’s supposed to be strictly Gryffindors in attendance.” 

I chuckled and sat up. “That’s the only control that McGonagall can have over it, I s’ppose.” 

“It was going to happen with or without her blessing. This way, it won’t get as rowdy as the last one.”

“So,” Emily said, “are you coming with me?”

“I don’t have an invite, Em.”

She smiled mischievously at me. “I was in the Gryffindor stands for the match, and I ran into Lily Evans afterwards. She said that you could come if you want. And I’m sure that the Gryffindor King would enjoy having you there.”

I laughed and laid back down, burrowing under my blankets. I was getting nice and toasty under there, until someone threw Tess’s quaffle at me. 

“Merlin, that hurt,” I said. 

Tess chuckled. “You should go with Em, Kersti. You’ve got to satisfy the heartthrob of Hogwarts.”

I chuckled and got out of bed, taking a moment to stretch my back and neck, which seemed to have knots in them more and more often. “Maybe I’ll make an appearance,” I said, thinking about how I was craving another steamy session with Sirius, as we hadn’t had one since last week. I could also use a distraction. 

Emily laughed. “Just don’t do it in front of me.”

I chuckled and headed over to my wardrobe. “I’d like to think I have more decency than that, Em.”

Half an hour later, my hair was in a high ponytail and we were passing through the portrait hole and into the Gryffindor Common Room. As soon as I saw the inside, I had a flash of regret at agreeing to this. I was very much out of my element, especially this time. The whole room had been decked from floor to ceiling in the Gryffindor colours, and someone had dug out several decorative banners with the House emblem and hung them around the room. There were streamers hanging across the room, under which Gryffindors from mostly the older years were gathering, talking loudly and drinking what were probably spiked beverages. 

Emily smiled at me. “Come on, Kersti. Let’s get some drinks.”

I followed her, skirting the room and then stopping with her at a table with the drinks. She gave me a cup full of a pumpkin juice and firewhiskey mix. We toasted and then each had a cup, before she poured us another each. 

“Em, there you are,” Riley said when he appeared next to his girlfriend. “Was wondering when you’d turn up.”

Emily smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek in greeting. Riley offered me a smile. “Hello, Ridgelow.”

I smiled. “Rafferty. Sorry for tagging along to this Gryffindors-only party.”

“Nonsense, Kersti. Evans invited you,” Emily said. 

“Did you see the match, Ridgelow? An impressive win, wasn’t it?” Riley said. 

“No, I was having a nap in the dormitory.”

Emily chuckled. “She does love her naps.”

I nodded. “I take them very seriously.”

“Too bad, it was phenomenal. Potter and Black outdid themselves this time. They must’ve been training like madmen, I could swear they’ve gotten better since last year,” Riley said. 

I shrugged and finished my glass of spiked pumpkin juice, before serving myself another round. I would have to be quite under the influence to put up with James if I ran into him, as he was no doubt being an arrogant sod after leading the team to victory. At least Avery and his goons wouldn’t be in attendance, that I could guarantee. 

“That dive that Potter did was breathtaking. Absolutely breathtaking.”

Emily chuckled. “I thought he would break his neck because he wouldn’t be able to pull up in time.” 

“No, you should see him at practices some time. I’ve gone to watch a few. Quite impressive.”

I sighed and looked around the room. I saw Lily, Mary and Marlene sitting in a circle of armchairs with another dark-haired Gryffindor girl whom I didn’t know. I waved goodbye to Emily and Riley and set off, not wanting to be their third-wheel. 

“. . .and of course, there was in the broom cupboard. That was good.”

“I think the Prefects’ Bath sounds more romantic.”

“Agreed.”

The four of them looked up from their conversation. 

“Kersti, I didn’t know if I’d see you here,” Lily said, smiling at me. “Sanderson told you?”

I nodded and smiled at the four of them in greeting. The girl whom I didn’t know smiled and offered me a wave. She had dark skin and black hair which framed her face in tight coils. “Dorcas Meadowes.”

“Kersti Ridgelow. Nice to meet you.”

“Have a seat, Kersti,” Lily said, and I took up residence in the empty armchair, while Mary occupied the one beside me, with Marlene sitting on the wide arm of it. 

Mary grinned at me. “We were just talking about Lily and Potter.”

Lily tucked some hair behind her ears nervously. “We don’t have to anymore…”

Marlene chuckled. “But I do love the idea of the Prefects’ Bath, Dorcas. That’s got to be the most romantic location.”

Dorcas smiled. “Oh, absolutely. It’d be a bloody waste if you didn’t try it in there at least once.”

“Not to mention that you’re both Head Boy and Girl,” Mary added. 

Lily blushed. “Honestly. That’s an improper use of the bath.”

I smiled. “Are we talking about Lily and Potter shagging in the Prefects’ Bath?”

Lily’s three friends nodded. “And when your kids show up to Hogwarts, then-”

Lily shushed Mary. “Honestly. One of you needs to get a boy too and then I won’t always be the butt of the teasing.” 

Marlene giggled and took a drink from her cup. “We tease you because we’re your friends, Lils.”

“It’s our sworn duty.”

Dorcas laughed. “Well, you three know that I’d never be the next one for a relationship.”

Lily looked at her. “It didn’t work out with that Hufflepuff?” 

Dorcas shook her head. “No. Too boring. And predictable.” 

I finished my drink and then got up. “Anyone want a refill?”

Mary, Marlene and Dorcas shook their heads, while Lily stood up. “I think I’ll have a Butterbeer,” she said. I smiled at her and we headed over to one of the tables with the spiked pumpkin juice. Lily grabbed some Butterbeer while I gave myself another generous portion of the drink. 

“Don’t you dare tease me about James, I don’t think I can handle anymore of it,” Lily said and took a sip. 

I chuckled. “Hear ye, hear ye.”

We stood there in silence for a moment, while she finished her mug of Butterbeer and I finished my cup. I was starting to feel the drinks that I’d had, my worries melting away and growing more at ease, but I refilled my cup anyway.

Lily cleared her throat and set her empty mug down, before turning to me. “Can I ask you something?”

I looked at her. “Ask away.”

She studied me for a moment. “Why do you put me on a pedestal, Kersti?”

I stared at Lily for a long moment. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, I get the feeling that… er, well, that you’re better at seeing the good in me than you are at seeing it in yourself.”

I took a sip of my drink. “That is true.” 

“Well, I, er… I sometimes feel like maybe you think that I’m perfect, when I’m not,” she said.

I took a long swig, thinking about it for a moment. “I guess I’ve been doing that unconsciously, Lily. Dunno. You’re just… well… I’ll try not to from now on.”

Lily poured herself another mug of Butterbeer. “I have the same problem too, you know. And of course I’m more lenient with others than with myself. I’ve always had high expectations for myself and I’m like any other person. I struggle with self-esteem issues too.”

I looked at her, smiling. “To tell you the truth, I envy you. I wish that I could be like you.”

She looked at me. “Why? It’s not like I’ve not got problems too in my life.” 

I shrugged and took another drink. “But you seem like you have everything sorted out. You project the image of stability. For someone like me, that’s what I’d like. I’d like to have my life sorted out, to have stability, to be a nice, decent person like you. That’s probably why I’ve ‘put you on a pedestal,’ as you said.” I swallowed, the room seeming muted under the influence of the alcohol, the outlines of shapes blurring together. 

“But I don’t have everything sorted out. I have struggles too.”

I took a sip.

Lily continued. “You aren’t any worse than me, Kersti. We’ve all got flaws, but maybe you’re too fixated on yours, while being unaware of mine.”

I sighed and smiled at her. “I can’t help but look up to you, Lily.”

She studied me for a long moment before she spoke again. “And you’re worthy of admiration too. Though you may not see it in yourself, I can, and so can those around you.”

“I’ve got to learn to see those qualities, then.” I downed the rest of my drink. 

“Indubitably.” 

I laughed. “You and your vocabulary, Lily Evans.” 

She smiled. “I’ve got to make up for all the curses I don’t use.”

“Now, what you need to do-”

“Lily! There you are!” 

We looked up and there was James, careening across the room, arm in arm with Sirius. The both of them were grinning like a pair of simpletons, and James’s hair was sticking up all over the place. Sirius was trying to have some more of his drink as James dragged him along, which he managed, and when he saw me he offered me a wide grin. 

James halted in front of me and Lily, his eyes darting to me in confusion. “Lily, did you invite Grindylow?”

Sirius downed the rest of his drink and made a funny face as the firewhiskey in it burnt his throat. “Only since I forgot to,” he said, winking at me. 

“Just pretend I’m not even here, Rotter,” I said. 

James made a face. “I can’t, I can smell the rotting algae from here.”

Lily sighed and Sirius reached a hand up to ruffle the top of James’s head. “Not as good as my nose, Prongs.”

James laughed and tried to shove him away. “Good enough to know how much your quidditch robes stink.”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and handed me his empty cup, before he got James in a headlock. “You don’t smell like daisies either, Prongs.”

“I smell better than you! You always smell like a wet dog when we have practices in the rain.”

Sirius ruffled the top of James’s head again as the two of them laughed. “Dunno, that changing room reeked when you came in.”

James freed himself from Sirius’s grasp and threw him a punch on the arm. “Even Wormtail thinks that you stink, Padfoot.”

Sirius stared at James indignantly. “Come off it! We’ve been over this before. I don’t roll in rubbish and Wormtail already said I don’t smell half as bad as you.”

James jostled Sirius, laughing at his indignant expression. “I’ve actually got someone who needs me to not smell like rubbish.”

Lily chuckled. “Dunno why we’re talking about how you smell, James.”

“Prongs, I’ve got plenty of women I’ve got to smell good for.”

I chuckled and took another sip of my drink. “You smell fine for an old man.”

Sirius grinned at me. “Of course I do, kitten.”

“Only for an old man.”

He pretended to wipe tears from his eyes. “You’re so mean to me, kitten.”

“At least we’ll never smell as bad as greasy old Snivellus,” James said, and he and Sirius laughed. 

Lily frowned and James stopped laughing when he saw her expression. “Well, nevermind that, Lily-flower. Did you enjoy the match?” 

She smiled and nodded. 

“Bloody brilliant what you did with the quaffle, Prongs. Dove over the Keeper,” Sirius said, “and threw it straight into the goal.”

“Tried to save it, but it went in,” James said, imitating the throw that he must’ve done in the match. 

Sirius grinned and pretended to catch a quaffle. “And then the catch you had, Merlin! It was perfect.”

“And you hit that bludger straight for their Seeker, throwing her off the snitch,” James said, pretending to be a Beater. 

Sirius chuckled. “Could’ve actually hit her, though.”

James clapped him on the back. “We can’t always be perfect, Padfoot.” He pushed his glasses up his nose, smiling at Lily. “Would you like a reenactment, Lily?”

“Evans was there, Prongs. I think we’d really be doing it for you, kitten,” Sirius said, grinning at me. 

Lily laughed. “Oh, alright, you two goofs.”

“Nothing wrong with reliving the glory of a perfect match, my Lily-flower,” James said, before he and Sirius stepped back a bit from us. Clearly their reenactment was going to be a lively one, as they’d needed to give us some space. 

“There you are, Wormtail,” Sirius said, clapping his shorter friend on the back as he appeared next to them. “Just in time for our dramatic reenactment.”

Peter grinned. “You’ll show me that move you did, Padfoot? With the bludger you dodged?”

“Of course, Wormtail. A move from my finest hour.”

What began was by far the most crazy quidditch reenactment that I’d ever seen, not that I’d seen one before. James and Sirius were leaping about, talking a mile a minute with the occasional comment to Peter, their long limbs going everywhere. I doubted that the amount of times Sirius gave James noogies on the top of his head was part of the reenactment, but I couldn’t tell anyway what parts they were being dramatic about and what parts they weren’t. Because it was James and Sirius, soon a crowd of girls started to form around them, giggling and whispering to each other, and openly eyeing the two goofballs, who were acting oblivious to the attention that they were garnering. 

“. . .and you went like this, diving for the quaffle-”

“I caught it, flew back up-”

“Bravo, Padfoot and Prongs!” Peter said, clapping enthusiastically for them. 

Lily and I laughed. “You’re right, they’re such idiots,” she said to me. 

I laughed, watching Sirius jostling James, grinning from ear to ear. “A pair of Gryffindor quidditch idiots.”

Lily sighed and shook her head, setting her empty mug of Butterbeer down. “Dunno how bad they’ll be if they win the Quidditch Cup this year.”

I laughed. “Ten times worse, I’m sure.”

She smiled and tucked some hair behind her ears. “Tell James if he asks that I’ve gone to the loo, will you?”

I nodded and finished yet another drink. I coughed to clear my throat, feeling the residual burn of the firewhiskey, but the sensation quickly faded as the sweetness of the pumpkin juice washed it away. I smiled to myself, watching James and Sirius prancing in circles around each other while Peter gave them suggestions as to which quidditch plays they should reenact for him. 

“The final goal you scored, Prongs!” he said, nearly bouncing up and down from the excitement, a crazed grin splitting his face. 

James laughed, adjusting his glasses that had been knocked askew from his tussling with Sirius. “Whatever your heart desires, Wormtail.”

Sirius was barking with laughter, his dark waves stylishly messy. “Prongs, I’ll be the Hufflepuff Keeper.”

I chuckled as he and James started bickering over the logistics of the next reenactment. 

“Merlin, Prongs. No need to be so fussy.”

“Come on, Padfoot. We’ve got to give them an accurate show.”

Sirius laughed and turned to a girl that was standing near them on the inner edge of the circle around the two boys. He gave her a lazy grin. “Mind if I steal this, love?” he said and grabbed the drink out of her hands, downing it in one go. She giggled, clearly also under the influence, before he handed the empty cup back to her with his signature charming smile. She giggled again, staring up at him, before she grabbed him by the fabric of his shirt, dragging him to her to collide her lips against his. The crowd started wolf-whistling and cheering as they had a heated kiss, accompanied by jealous looks from girls who wished that they were in her shoes. 

“Oi! Padfoot! No snogging during our reenactment!” James said. 

Sirius broke away from the flustered girl and flashed her a last smirk, before he turned and focused on his best friend again. “Calm down, Prongs. Just having an intermission.”

James playfully shoved Sirius, starting to look tipsy from both the attention and the alcohol. “We’re letting Wormtail down, mate.”

Sirius grinned and then dove back into the reenactment with James, the two of them acting like a pair of silly halfwits. I laughed at them for a little while longer as they twirled around in a circle arm in arm, much to the enjoyment of Peter, before I decided that I needed a smoke. I left the circle around James and Sirius and started to make my way to the edge of the room, though it was taking me longer than it normally would, as I was concentrating hard on keeping both my feet on the ground instead of letting my body tip sideways under the effects of the alcohol. 

I vaguely registered some boy walking up to stop me in my tracks, smiling at me. “Grindylow, right?” 

I looked up and met this boy’s eyes, barely registering him. “Get my name right, arsehole,” I said and switched trajectories, spying Lily, Mary and Marlene sitting in the same armchairs as before. I turned away, squinting at the floor as it threatened to sway underneath my feet, focussing on putting one foot after the other until I had finally reached the girls in one piece. 

Lily looked up from her conversation with Mary and Marlene. I gave her a goofy smile. “Hullo, Lils.”

She raised an eyebrow at me. “Too much to drink already?”

I grinned. “I think I’ll manage. Good level right now.”

Mary laughed. “Uh, huh.”

I pulled a blunt from my pocket. “Mind if I have a smoke?”

Lily shook her head. “Mary has allergies and I’ll start coughing.”

I gave her a loopy smile. “That’s alright, Lily. Be back soon,” I said, waving and then stumbling off to the edge of the room again, the talking and music sounding muted to my ears. I was trying to weave past a group of sixth-years when I was suddenly intercepted by James, Sirius and Peter, who had evidently finished their reenactment. 

“Kitten, where are you going?” Sirius said, catching me by the shoulders and grinning at me. 

“Smoke. Come with me?” I said. 

James laughed. “Drunk. She’s drunk.”

I rolled my eyes. “No, not yet. Lils’s over there,” I said, gesturing with a thumb over my shoulder. 

James laughed and ruffled the top of his head. “Good for something then, Grindylow?”

Peter giggled and I flipped James off halfheartedly. “Stop picking on me.”

Sirius chuckled. “That’s the most lackluster middle finger I’ve seen, kitten.”

I rolled my eyes and walked by him. “You joining me or what, old man?” I said over my shoulder, trying to once again make my way to the edge of the room, although I didn’t get too far before Sirius caught up to me, throwing an arm around my shoulders. 

“Did you drink too much, kitten?” he said, grinning at me. 

“No. Dunno what you’re talking about, old man.”

He chuckled, steering me to the edge of the room. “I’m slightly drunk too, kitten.”

I turned to raise an eyebrow at him. “Saying that to make me feel better, old man?”

He let out a bark of laughter. “No.”

“Taking the piss.”

“I’m not, kitten.”

“Taking the piss, old man.”

“I mean, I don’t think I need to take a piss, kitten.”

I laughed and leaned into his side, the room blurring around me and my head swimming. “Don’t let me fall over, old man.”

I felt rather than heard the chuckle that rumbled in his chest. “Won’t be doing that, kitten.”

I liked the comforting weight of his arm around my shoulders, my brain slowly registering his scent as it washed over my animagus nose, and I shifted beside him, turning to bury my face in his chest. “So good,” I mumbled, intoxicated by his smell. 

He chuckled. “What’s that, kitten?”

“You smell so good, old man.”

“Thought I only smelt good for an old man?”

“No, just good. In general. So good,” I said, my voice muffled by his shirt. 

“Glad you like it, kitten.”

I veered my head back to meet his grey gaze. He grinned, eyes dropping to my lips. “Want to have sex?” 

He flashed me a devilish grin. “Read my mind, kitten. Sure you’re not a legilimens?”

I shook my head vigorously. “It’s the only reason I showed up. To fuck you.”

He chuckled. “Not even to celebrate our win?”

“Celebratory shag, maybe.”

“Sounds lovely, kitten.”

“I haven’t fucked you in a week, old man. I’m horny as hell.”

Sirius grinned, stepping closer to me, eyes never leaving mine. “I can tell.”

“Horny old man,” I said before he pressed his lips to mine. 

Sirius chuckled against my mouth before he began moving his lips against mine and I gladly returned the gesture, if a bit sloppily. One of his hands came to rest on my waist, the other on the small of my back, pressing me closer. I blindly grasped his shirt in my hands for something to hold onto, as his soft lips against mine made me feel dizzy. I was drunk, but not just because of the firewhiskey; I was drunk on Sirius. Every shift and movement of his body fed the fire inside me, pulled me under into the heady depths of desire, until all I could feel, all I could smell, all I could taste, was him. His whole presence consumed me, blotting out everything like the inky blackness of the night sky. And then his hands were moving over me, up and down my waist, dropping to cup my ass, and it was like the light of a single star piercing the darkened sky. All I could do was focus on him and his hands roaming over my body, intoxicating me with every touch. 

The voice of someone walking by us managed to pull me out of my drunken stupor. “Get a room, you two.” 

Sirius pulled his lips from mine, his hands still holding me against his body, eyes devouring me as I stared back up at him. 

“Dormitory, old man?”

He grinned. “Dormitory it is, kitten.”

I succeeded in extricating myself from his grasp and led the way to the boys’ dormitory staircase, weaving around party attendees and ignoring stares from girls who could tell exactly who would be shagging the Gryffindor King tonight. I paused when we’d reached the foot of the staircase, turning to watch Sirius as he made a couple failed attempts at reversing  _ glisseo _ , until he got it right on the third try. 

“Not lying when you said you’re slightly drunk, old man?”

He grinned at me. “No, I really wasn’t, kitten.”

“Old drunkard,” I said, flashing him a grin and starting up the stairs. 

He chuckled and took the steps two at a time, catching up to me. “Tease,” he said and smacked my ass. 

“Perverted old man.”

“What happened to ‘I’m so horny since you haven’t fucked me in a week?’ If anyone’s perverted, it’s you, kitten.”

I paused on the stairs and barely managed to turn around. Sirius was grinning at me from the step below mine. “Let’s set the record straight,” I said, poking him in the chest for emphasis and looking him in the eye. “You’re the pervert, old man.”

He laughed and quirked an eyebrow at me. “You’re just as much of a pervert as me, kitten.”

I chuckled and teetered briefly on the step before I turned around and continued up the stairs. “I guess we’re both always horny, old man.”

He let out a bark of laughter and smacked my ass again. “Sounds about right.” He laid a hand on each of my shoulders and gave me a gentle push. “Hurry up, kitten. So slow.”

I laughed and nearly fell trying to take the stairs two at a time, but thankfully I made it to the top and then stumbled down the corridor to the Marauders’ dormitory with Sirius right behind me, poking and trying to tickle me. I giggled and then pushed open the door before stumbling through it, taking a moment to check that no one else was in there with the last of my good judgement that was left. I heard Sirius close the door behind us, and I stood in the middle of the room for a long moment, dazed and trying to understand why my mouth was so parched. 

“Water,” I muttered to myself. 

“What’s that, kitten?”

“My mouth’s dry, need water,” I said, stumbling off to the bathroom. “I’ll be back.”

I careened into the attached bathroom and over to the sink, bending my head down to drink directly from the tap, the cool water dripping down my chin. I straightened up, but the room around me started blurring and swaying, and I braced my hands on the stone counter, needing something stable to hold me up. Pinching. Something was pinching my temples. It took me a moment to realize that it was the ponytail that Em had slicked my hair into in our dormitory, and so I undid it, my hair falling around me in a red curtain. 

I tried to focus on my face in the mirror, but everything was blurry like I had my eyes open underwater. Sounds, light, faces muted underwater. I smiled stupidly to myself, realizing that I shouldn’t’ve had that last drink. 

“Kitten? Need some help?”

I watched Sirius in the mirror as he came into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I shook my head. “No, just… trying not to tip over.”

He chuckled. “Me too, kitten. Shouldn’t’ve had that last drink.”

I held his gaze in the mirror as I straightened up, watching him step behind me. I leaned back into his body, something solid to keep me from falling. He chuckled again, before I managed to turn around to face him, blinking slowly as I looked up into his face. “Drunk sex?”

He nodded. “Drunk sex.”

I leaned in and met his mouth with mine, my hands clutching at his clothes to centre myself, while his took up residence again on my waist. It didn’t take long this time for his fingers to slip under my shirt, and wherever his hands travelled, my bare skin burned. I pressed myself closer to him, needing more of his intoxicating scent, his presence, his touch, and I began grappling with the buttons of his shirt. His mouth and chest rumbled with a chuckle before he hitched my shirt up, hands touching my stomach and sides, and I retaliated by slipping my tongue into his mouth to tangle with his. I tried to concentrate on getting the buttons of his shirt undone, but my drunk brain was unable to focus on kissing him at the same time, and so I gave up on those pesky buttons and started on my own shirt instead, which I easily slipped over my head, revealing the plain bra that I was wearing underneath. Sirius grinned and pulled me back against him, his hands caressing my bare sides, and crashed his mouth against mine. What began as a calm, controlled kiss became sloppy and desperate, his hands trying to feel every inch of me, mine trying to rip his clothes off. I wanted to feel more of him, I wanted his hands all over me, I wanted to feel every inch of him. 

Sirius’s hands on me became more frantic, and he reached behind me to wrestle with my bra closure, cursing when his inebriated brain prevented him from getting it off as quickly as he would have when sober. Eventually, he got it undone and I quickly let it fall from me, tossing it off to the side. 

He broke our kiss to lean back from me, admiring my breasts. “Fuck, your tits are amazing,” he said, cupping each with a hand, thumbs skimming over the rosy nipples. 

I offered him a cheeky grin, reaching for his shirt. “Your turn.”

Sirius chuckled, unbuttoning his shirt for me. “You want to see my tits, kitten?”

I laughed. “No, not your tits. You don’t have any, old man.”

He shucked off his shirt and clasped his own chest with his hands, making a sad face at me. “No tits?”

I pulled him back against me by his forearms, chuckling. “No. Sorry, old man.”

He grinned, pressing himself against me and taking a few steps forward until I was squashed between him and the stone counter, his erection poking me. Heat gathered in my belly and dripped lower, my cunt tingling. I moaned into our kiss when he squeezed one of my breasts in his hand, the evidence of his own arousal only serving to push me further into my need for him. My hands dropped to fiddle with his belt and zip, and I groaned as he moved his mouth to trail sloppy kisses to my neck. 

Sirius buried his face in the crook of my neck. “Fuck, have I ever told you how good you smell?”

“Mmm, old man, that’s a tad creepy sounding.”

“In a good way, kitten. And you were sniffing me earlier.”

He pressed his face against my neck, taking a long inhalation. I giggled when his nose and hair tickled me. “What do I smell like, old man? You’ve said like cat piss before.”

He laughed into my skin. “Was only taking the piss with that one, love.” He paused to kiss my neck. “Dunno what you smell like, just that it’s so good.”

I chuckled, and then it turned into a sigh as he began kissing my neck in earnest, my hands still trying to make sense of his zip after having gotten his belt unbuckled. It was his turn to groan when I finally got it down and then reached into his trousers to feel his erection. I pulled it out, but he retaliated and unbuttoned my jeans, dipping his fingers past the waistband of my underwear to rest on my clit. I leaned my weight against the stone counter, needing something solid to hold me up, as the alcohol and Sirius were both threatening to make my brain so hazy that I feared that I would fall. Sirius slid his hand farther into my knickers and I used my free hand to help him get my jeans down past my ass, giving him easier access. 

“Fuck,” he groaned into my neck as I stroked him harder and as he rubbed my clit. “How’s it been a week since I last fucked you, kitten? We can’t let that happen again. I missed fucking you.”

My breath caught in my throat. “God, I missed fucking you too, old man. It’s so good with you.”

Sirius chuckled and withdrew his head from my neck, grey eyes meeting mine as he watched me moan and writhe from his touch, dripping wetness onto his fingers. I kissed him again, moaning into his mouth when he rubbed my clit faster, but I gave up on trying to get my brain to multi-task and instead I kissed down his neck, pausing at the juncture with his shoulder, latching my mouth onto the smooth, pale skin there. 

“Oh, fuck,” I moaned before I closed my mouth around his skin again. 

“Kitten, you’re so wet,” he groaned and I tried my best to continue stroking his erection. “I want to be inside you so badly.”

I managed to lean back enough to look up at him, offering him a grin. “Just what I was thinking, old man,” I said and turned around, pulling my jeans a little farther down my legs and bracing my hands against the counter. I watched Sirius in the mirror as he stepped up behind me, gripping my hips with a hand, before he guided himself to my heat and slid all the way inside me. 

“Fuck, oh, fuck,” I moaned. He groaned and started thrusting, slowly at first and then faster as he found a rhythm. I used what mental faculties I had left to admire him in the mirror, enjoying how I could watch this ridiculously sexy boy fuck me silly. 

“Best of both worlds, old man,” I got out between moans. 

“Why’s that, kitten?” he said, maintaining his thrusts. 

“You get to do your beloved doggy-style, I get to watch you fuck me.”

He smirked, meeting my eyes in the mirror. “You like watching me fuck you?”

“God, yes. Such an attractive old man.”

He chuckled. “Merlin, Kersti. Don’t say that or I’ll lose my hard-on.”

I groaned as he picked up his pace. “Fuck, so good,” I said, dropping my fingers down to rub my clit. 

He tightened his grip on my hips. “I won’t last much longer, kitten. Are you close?”

I moaned and rubbed my clit faster, but then I stopped, cursing in frustration. “Shit.”

He paused his thrusting. “What is it? Is it hurting?”

I chuckled. “Fuck, I can’t cum. Too many drinks.”

Sirius met my eyes in the mirror. “I’m sorry, kitten.”

“Don’t be, not your fault. You can keep going if you want.”

He flashed me a half-smile. “Of course.”

I moaned again when he resumed his thrusting, watching his face in the mirror as he fucked me, and revelling in his expression when he climaxed. I flashed him a lazy grin as he caught his breath while still inside me.

“Next time I’ll have to make you cum twice, kitten,” he said. 

I chuckled, leaning my forehead in a drunken daze on the counter. “I look forward to it.”

I felt him slip from me and then heard him doing his trousers and belt back up, but my head was so muddled that I stayed there, leaning into the cool stone of the counter. 

Sirius chuckled after a minute. “Kitten, are you just going to stay like that?”

“Like what?” I muttered, eyes still closed.

“You’re going to walk around with your arse hanging out?”

I laughed. “I’ve got to live up to my reputation, old man.”

“And what’s that?”

“I’m a sexy grindylow, didn’t you know?”

He let out a bark of laughter and pulled my pants back up so that my butt was more covered. “You’ll be the most popular girl in school if you walk around like that, kitten.”

I managed to straighten up, rubbing my face and then hitching up my jeans and buttoning them up, and then reaching down to pick up my shirt and bra. I fumbled with my bra for a moment before I managed to get it back on, followed by my shirt.

“Shit, I must’ve lost my blunts,” I said, realizing that they weren’t in my pockets anymore. 

Sirius chuckled and opened the bathroom door, buttoning up his shirt as he went. “You can have one of my smokes,” he said, walking over to his four-poster bed. 

I followed him into the dormitory, trying not to slip on any of the clothes that were scattered on the floor, and I somehow made it to his bed in one piece, sitting down on the edge of it. I didn’t feel capable of standing for any duration of time right now. “Thanks, old man,” I said when he handed me a cigarette. I watched as he got comfortable on his bed, sitting up against the headboard, stretching his legs out. I giggled when I realized that he’d done up the buttons of his shirt incorrectly, and now they were mismatched. 

“What?” he said, lighting his cigarette and raising an eyebrow at me. 

“Your shirt buttons are wonky.”

He shrugged and leaned over to light my cigarette for me. We sat in silence for a moment, puffing on our cigarettes, and I couldn’t help but watch Sirius as he drew in a lungful of smoke, before letting it out slowly. “You’re not what I thought you would be, old man.”

Sirius smirked at me. “Really? What did you think I was like?”

I took a long inhalation from my cigarette before I spoke. “An arrogant arsehole. But you’re really growing on me, old man. 

He chuckled and pushed away a strand of dark hair. “We judged each other prematurely then, kitten.”

“We certainly did. Mind you, I had no idea you were such a crippled old man. You don’t look like it.”

Sirius laughed, shaking his head. “Kitten, I’m not crippled. You forget so quickly that I’m not, don’t you?”

“You can deny it all you want, but age isn’t only a number.”

“You’re such a spitfire, kitten. No one has ever mocked me so relentlessly and gotten away with it.”

I wiggled my eyebrows at him. “You’re going to punish me? How kinky.”

He let out a bark of laughter and took another drag. “Usually Prongs and I would hex anyone who dares mock us.”

I laughed. “Lay it on me, then, old man.”

“Don’t think you’d want it.”

I took a puff from my cigarette. “Really? What’ve you done to anyone who dares mock the magnificent Sirius Black and James Potter?” 

“We hung Snivellus upside down and showed Evans and the other students his underwear.”

I gasped dramatically. “Old man! That is one hell of a punishment!”

Sirius laughed, grey eyes alight. “It was amazing, kitten. He loves to stick his greasy nose in our business, following us around and trying to get us expelled.”

I poked one of his outstretched legs with a finger. “Vengeful old man.”

He offered me a shit-eating grin. “Of course, kitten. It was refreshing, seeing someone else getting revenge on Avery.”

I paused to take another drag. “Couldn’t’ve ever predicted I’d end up attracting your attention in September.”

“With a revenge prank? You were speaking my language.”

“Aww, old man.”

“Speaking it directly to my old-man heart, kitten,” he said, laying a hand on his chest dramatically. 

“Aw, you’re such a sweet old man. Your grandchildren must think you’re the best grandparent of the family.”

Sirius stared at me for a moment, mouth agape, before he started laughing so hard that he wheezed. “Kitten, no! Merlin, I’m SEVENTEEN, not SEVENTY.”

“You sure, old man?”

Sirius pretended to frown at me. “Don’t talk about children, kitten. I’m too young for that.”

I giggled. “Too full of the boldness of youth.”

“See? I’m not some ancient bugger.”

“Oh, shit! I just saw some wrinkles on your forehead.”

“You take that back.”

“And there are the grey hairs!”

“You take that back right now, kitten.”

I gave him a saucy smirk. “Or what? Saving the kinky punishments for now?”

Sirius grinned like a fiend at me. “No, I was thinking I’d tickle you mercilessly.”

I tried to scoot farther away from him on the bed as he tossed his cigarette butt away and started creeping towards me. “Not if I run away, you won’t.”

He grinned at me and I quickly stood up, taking another drag from my dwindling cigarette. “You can’t escape me, kitten.”

I backed away slowly, using all my remaining brain power to not crash into any of the dormitory furniture. “Don’t you dare.”

He got up from his bed, grinning at me. “Why are you running away, kitten?”

I managed to reach the other side of the round dormitory and I quickly finished my cigarette and tossed the butt out the dormitory window, saving me from potentially lighting myself on fire. I eyed the dormitory door and started inching that way. 

Sirius chuckled and in a few strides had cut me off from my escape route. “Can’t let you get away with mocking me,” he said and began to attack me with tickles. I tried to wriggle away from him, but I was more inebriated than him, which made it much easier for him to follow me around the dormitory, ruthlessly tickling and poking me, despite my crying and cackling and begging for him to stop. He finally stopped when we’d made a rotation of the dormitory and were back at his bed, with me in tears and stitches from laughing so hard, while he was looking very satisfied at my punishment. 

I wiped the tears from my eyes, feeling dizzy. “Fuck, I’m so drunk,” I muttered. 

Sirius chuckled from his position standing beside me. “How many drinks did you have, kitten?”

I rubbed my face and then rested my forehead against his chest, clutching his rumpled shirt in my hands. “I’m drunk on you, old man.”

He chuckled but before he could say anything, there was the distinct sound of voices growing closer from outside the dormitory, and before I could rouse myself from my drunken position leaning against Sirius, the door opened and James and Lily stumbled through it, locked at the lips and both clearly under the influence as well. James didn’t pause from snogging Lily to push the door closed, instead using a toe to close it. Sirius and I stood stock still, my hands still clutching his shirt, wondering if James and Lily were going to notice us standing in the dormitory before they started fucking. 

Lily giggled against James’s mouth as his hands started pulling at her shirt. “James.”

He broke his mouth from hers and was giving her a loopy grin when he finally noticed the two onlookers. He started violently. “Merlin’s arsehole!”

Lily whipped around to face us. “Oh, my god!”

Sirius and I stood there in a drunken haze for a moment before we both descended into peals of laughter. 

Lily was staring at the two of us incredulously. “What the… didn’t you two go downstairs already?” 

Sirius snorted with laughter. “Clearly not, Evans.” 

I laughed. “Took a bit longer than expected.”

She giggled and made a face at me. “Ew, no, don’t tell me.”

James laughed, shaking his head at the two of us. “And now we’re in here too, Padfoot. Great minds think alike, yeah?”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and Lily blushed. “James, my word.”

“Boys, huh? Can’t keep their minds off the nasty,” I said, giggling and leaning into Sirius for support. 

“Kersti, your shirt is inside out,” Lily said, smiling at me knowingly. 

I looked down, seeing that she was right, and then looked back up. I shrugged, my drunk brain too far gone to do anything about my wardrobe malfunction. 

James laughed. “This was bound to happen sometime because of sharing a dormitory.”

Sirius chuckled. “D’you think we’ll walk in on Wormtail shagging this year, Prongs?”

I grimaced at that mental image and disentangled myself from Sirius, stumbling off to the door. “Need to give you two some privacy,” I said on my way by James and Lily. 

“Thanks, Stripes.”

I waved to James over my shoulder, my gaze still fixed on the door. “Anytime, Rotter. You coming, old man? Or are you going to be a voyeur?”

I heard Sirius chuckle. “You’re going to kick me out, Prongs?” 

I managed to reach the door and open it, waiting on the threshold for Sirius, and my drunken brain unsure of where to go next. 

“Padfoot. Some privacy please, mate.”

“Oh, Prongs, you’re so heartless, kicking me out just when things got steamy.”

“Padfoot, no! My girlfriend and I would like to get naked in here.”

“Don’t we usually have naked women in our dormitory?” 

“GET OUT, PADFOOT!”

I registered Sirius’s barking laughter as he made his way out of the dormitory, and then he was pulling the door closed as I stood in a daze at the top of the stairs. I wanted to lie down. I was too dizzy. Clutching the banister in a death grip, I slowly plodded down the stairs, my eyes fixed on my feet. 

“You could’ve asked me to carry you down, kitten,” Sirius said, catching up to me on the stairs. 

“Don’t trust you that much, old man. And you’d break a hip,” I said and managed to reach the bottom of the boys’ dormitory staircase, barely registering the stares and whispers from the girls who had watched me coming down them with the Gryffindor King. My eyes landed on an unoccupied and very comfy couch that was nearest to me, and I decided to go lie down, trying to weave my way through groups of partygoers. 

“No, move, let me through! That couch is calling to me. It has my bloody name on it,” I muttered, trying to make my way by a group of younger girls who were ogling me. I didn’t care anymore what Sirius was doing, all I wanted to do was lie down and sleep off the one-too-many drinks I’d had. I finally reached the couch, laid down on it with my back to the ongoing party and closed my eyes, and then fell asleep. 


	24. Bald Grindylow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The good news is that I’ve finally finished the fall university term. I’m off until January 11th, and I’ll be spending as much time as possible between now and then writing. Sorry for the late update, I was feeling burnt out from the university term and writing long-ass papers.

I had woken up the morning after the party, surprisingly feeling the most rested that I had all week. Someone had even been nice enough to throw a cozy blanket over me when I had been passed out on the couch, though I didn’t know who. When I caught up with Em, Tess and Lia later that day, Em told me that she had transfigured the blanket for me and that she had watched me stumble drunkenly down the stairs and then throw myself down on the couch, and so she had stood guard over me with Riley as I slept. According to Emily, Sirius had tried to get past her vigilant post next to me to wake me up, as Remus had long since left the party, Peter was already being sick in the bathroom, and James was preoccupied with shagging Lily in the dormitory. She’d teased me about it of course, that he had been bored and wanted to pester me with his presence, since I “did such a good job satisfying and occupying him.” I was glad though that she and Riley hadn’t let him wake me up, as I’d sorely needed to have a good sleep like that, if one caused by being pissed from the firewhiskey. 

Monday the students awoke to the castle decorated for Halloween with a multitude of pumpkins, and we were all eager to tuck into what was sure to be a feast of gigantic proportions that evening. Unfortunately, there were still the usual classes to get through, and us seventh years were definitely not exempt from the assignments being piled on by the professors in our N.E.W.T. level classes. I went to Ancient Runes with Lily in the morning and used what little brain power I had following Professor Babbling’s round-about explanation of the lesson, leaving me yawning and rubbing my face and dreaming of a hot coffee as the two of us walked to Defense. 

“How’d it go with Rotter on Friday?” I asked Lily in between our rehashing of the Ancient Runes lesson that we’d just sat through. 

She smiled. “Besides you two being in the dormitory when we came in, it went really well.” 

I smiled. “That’s great news. No regrets about beginning to date him?”

She shook her head. “He’s different when it’s only us together. Not vastly different, he’s clearly the same person that he is when his mates are around, but he’s certainly more …”

“Tolerable? Vulnerable?”

She nodded. “Vulnerable, yes. Less worried about what others think, less worried about trying to impress his friends, I suppose. And more inclined to intellectually edifying conversations.”

I chuckled as we went up a flight of stairs, students coming down in the opposite direction. Lily looked at me thoughtfully. “Is Black more tolerable when it’s just the two of you?”

I laughed for a moment. “Christ, no. Still the same. But I’m not finding him nearly as much of an arrogant arse as I did when I first met him.”

Lily chuckled. “You only tolerate him so that you two can sleep together?” 

I thought about that for a moment. “Honestly… I dunno anymore. I find him less arrogant, but… Dunno. The banter is pretty good.”

Lily looked at me. “You don’t fancy him, do you?”

I looked at her in surprise, shaking my head as we headed down the corridor towards the classroom. “Jesus Christ, no. No, no, I would never, ever let myself do that. A serial player like him? That’s asking for him to hand me my broken heart on a silver platter. I certainly care too much about my sanity to ever let myself feel-”

“BOO!” 

“FUCK!” I exclaimed as Lily and I both started in shock. 

“Got you again, kitten,” Sirius said, coming up to walk beside me. 

“Sorry, for the scare, Lily,” James said, grinning at her as the boys, Lily and I stopped to stand outside the classroom. Sirius was looking far too satisfied with himself again, grinning at me like a devil. 

“Where’s my apology?” I grumbled. 

“I didn’t sneak up on you, Grindylow, Padfoot did. And Moony held me back from doing anything,” James said, gaze still fixed on Lily, who was blushing from his intense staring. 

“Don’t get me all tangled up in this, Prongs,” Remus said, sighing.

“Was all my doing, kitten,” Sirius said. 

“You’re not a very nice old man.”

“You should be grateful to me.”

“And why’s that?” I said, rolling my eyes. 

“I gave you enough of a shock to keep you awake in class. Can’t say the same for the party on Friday though,” Sirius said, raising an eyebrow at me. 

I frowned at him. “What? I was tired and drank too much.”

Sirius pretended to sniffle. “Were you trying to avoid me? After what a good time we had in the bathroom?”

I couldn’t help but laugh as we began to file into the classroom, with Sirius and I walking behind James, Lily and Remus, who had begun having some sort of animated debate about goblins. I leaned closer to Sirius, as if I was going to whisper some dirty secret in his ear to only him. “If I tell you that I was so worn out from you thoroughly shagging me, will that heal your wounded ego?” I said, intentionally brushing my arm against his. 

“I may need more than one compliment, kitten,” he said, meeting my eyes and grinning down at me. 

I chuckled, winking at him. “Next time, I’ll be sure to be very  _ vocal _ about how good I’m feeling,” I said, and then sashayed past him to join Emily, Tess and Lia at their desks. If I was lucky, I’d get Sirius so hot and bothered that he would hunt me down later today and finish what we had started on Friday. The thought made me eager to finish classes that day, but Avery had other plans for how my day was going to unfold. 

“Grindylow,” Avery said from his spot seated with Mulciber and Snape as I walked by them. He gave me a nasty grin. “Happy Halloween.” 

Before I could say anything, he subtly raised his wand and hit me with a silent jinx. For a moment, I thought that I would have the satisfaction of laughing at him for not being able to cast the jinx correctly, and I had just opened my mouth to do so when the first chunks of my hair started falling out. I stood, mouth open in shock, as my hair proceeded to fall out of my head, sliding past my shoulders to lie in a pile around my feet. As soon as my long hair had started falling out, Avery, Mulciber, Snape and the other Slytherins in the area began laughing at me. Avery was in stitches, and Mulciber and Snape were guffawing obnoxiously. The whole class was staring at me as I looked down at all my hair that was now in a circle around me on the ground. There were other students laughing at me now, joining in on the fun in watching someone else’s day get ruined. I quickly pulled the hood of my outer robes up to cover my head. I used a hand to clutch the hood tight around my head, hiding my now-bald scalp from view of my laughing classmates. 

Avery grinned at me like a lunatic. “Now you look like a proper grindylow, and just in time for Halloween too.” 

I snarled. “I will fucking rip you to-”

“Miss Ridgelow, what in Merlin’s name happened to your hair?” Professor Darkmore said, striding over to me. At her words, the class erupted in more cackles and giggles, before she silenced them with a stern look.

I stood, mortified and staring down at the stone floor, wishing that a hole would swallow me up. “I was jinxed, Professor. I have no hair now,” I muttered. 

“Bald Grindylow,” Avery said, making his friends and the other Slytherins descend into crazed laughter again. 

“Silence!” Professor Darkmore turned to me. “I can only assume that it was Mr Avery who jinxed you, Miss Ridgelow. Am I correct?” 

I nodded silently, cheeks flaming and gaze still fixed on the red hair at my feet. She sighed. “Miss Ridgelow, I understand how embarrassing this situation must be for you. You are excused from class to go to Madam Pomfrey in the Hospital Wing to have your hair regrown, and Mr Avery,” she said, turning to him, “you will see me after class for your punishment.” 

I seized the opportunity that I had been given and turned, dashing out of the classroom to the sound of hysterical laughter and the professor’s call for silence. I clutched my bookbag to my side, my other hand still holding my hood around my head, and ran all the way up to the Hospital Wing. I made it up there in record time and burst through the doors. Madam Pomfrey looked up in surprise from where she was folding some clean linens on one of the beds, and seeing my distressed face, she guided me over to an empty bed and sat me down on the edge of it. She managed to coax me into lowering my hood, some stray strands of hair falling off my robes in the process. Thankfully, she didn’t ask any questions and instead got to work on regrowing my hair. 

An hour later, my hair was completely regrown thanks to a nifty potion, the same length and colour as it had been when I’d walked into the D.A.D.A classroom. To my complete and utter chagrin, the news of my sudden magically-induced hair loss had begun to spread throughout the school, so that when I had recovered my dignity enough to go to the Great Hall for the Halloween feast in the evening, laughter erupted from the tables as soon as I walked in. 

“Oi! Bald Grindylow!” a Slytherin yelled at me when I had only taken a few steps into the Hall. 

I turned to the source of the voice. I locked eyes with a younger boy, who was pointing and laughing at me from his spot with his friends. “Does this look like I’m bloody well bald to you, you fucking idiot?!” I shouted back, clutching a strand of my long hair for emphasis. 

He and his friends cackled. “Knit anything yet with your hair that fell out, Grindylow?”

“Fuck you!” 

“Now, now, Grindylow. That’s no way to talk to Slytherins,” Avery said, swaggering up to me with Mulciber and Snape in tow. He was giving me a smarmy smile, and if we hadn’t been in public, I was sure to have shifted into my animagus form and clawed the smug expression off his face. 

I curled my lip at him, feeling trapped with the three Slytherin boys towering over me. “I will ruin your life,” I spat at Avery. 

The three of them laughed. “You couldn’t even if you tried, Grindylow,” Mulciber said, leering at me. 

“Big words from someone who became Bald Grindylow this morning, wouldn’t you say?” Avery said, nudging Snape and Mulciber conspiratorially. 

I clenched my wand in my fist next to my side. “I mean it, I will ruin your life, and I will enjoy every moment of it.”

Avery laughed again, raising an eyebrow at me. “Is that a threat, Grindylow? You’d be so stupid as to threaten three Slytherins?” 

I snarled. “It’s not a threat. It’s a fucking promise, you piece of shit.”

Avery laughed again. “Slag.”

I was just about to raise my wand when I heard someone calling to me as Avery and I stood facing each other, both of us ready to duel just inside the entrance to the Great Hall. 

“Kersti, wait.” 

I tore my gaze from Avery to watch Lily coming up to the four of us, accompanied by Mary, Marlene and Dorcas. She was looking worriedly from Avery to me, and for the briefest of moments a sad expression crossed her face when she laid eyes on Snape. “Kersti, he’s not worth it,” she said, coming to stand next to me. Mary, Marlene and Dorcas stood together behind Lily, and at least the Slytherins were outnumbered now. 

Lily laid a hand on my shoulder. “Come on, let’s go sit down. He’s not worth fighting and then getting punished.” 

With the utmost reluctance, I let Lily guide me away from Avery, Mulciber and Snape, but I couldn’t resist giving them a hateful middle finger over my shoulder when they proceeded to laugh at my retreating back.

Lily was looking at my regrown hair as we walked away, followed by Dorcas, Mary and Marlene. “You can eat with me and the boys tonight?” she asked, smiling kindly. 

I offered her a pained grimace. “As long as your beau doesn’t try to make fun of me too. I dunno if I can take much more mocking today.”

She smiled. “I promise I won’t let him. And I’m sorry that I couldn’t accompany you to the Hospital Wing.”

Lily waved goodbye to Mary, Marlene and Dorcas as they went to sit with some other Gryffindor girls. “That’s alright, Madam Pomfrey got me fixed up in no time.”

“How’d she do it? You were completely bald, weren’t you?”

I cringed at the memory. “A potion, thank Merlin. Nothing painful, it merely didn’t taste that good.” 

“Any side effects?” 

“Not that she mentioned. I’d hate to get the hair on my head regrown and then find that my eyebrows have fallen out.”

Lily laughed as we drew nearer to where the boys were sitting, and I saw James jerk his head up at the sound of her laugh. He began waving to her, as if she didn’t already know where he was sitting. “My Lily-flower, over here! We’re waiting for you.”

Lily smiled at him. “Yes, I can see.”

James saw me. “Oh, and Grindylow too, I didn’t-”

“Kitten!” 

I saw Sirius grinning at me from the other side of the table. “Come sit with me, kitten.”

I flashed him a grin and went over to his side of the table, sliding into the spot on his left, while Remus sat to his right. Remus nodded to me. “Hello, Ridgelow. Sorry about your hair. I see you’ve… gotten it reattached?” he said, looking at the hair in question. 

“Regrown, thanks to Madam Pomfrey. Just had to drink a potion, and then wait for it to grow back out.”

Peter giggled across the table from his spot on James’s left. “It was so funny seeing your bald head, I wish I’d-”

Remus gave him a look. “Wormtail.”

“I’m sure it was funny to the onlookers, but I wouldn’t wish humiliation in front of the whole class on anyone,” Lily said from James’s other side. She smiled at me. “I’m glad that Madam Pomfrey fixed you up.”

James sighed. “Too bad, I wished I’d thought of using a jinx like that first.”

“On me?!” I said. 

James laughed. “No, on the Slytherins. Or Snivellus.”

Peter cackled. “Snivellus would look so funny bald, Prongs!”

Lily frowned, and James stopped laughing when he saw her expression. Sirius chuckled beside me. “You certainly left quite the remnants of your presence in the classroom, kitten.”

I chuckled. “We might see multiple Grindylows walking around the school, if someone gets their hands on it and has Polyjuice potion.”

“Why the hell would someone want to turn into you?” Peter mumbled. 

“But the hair for the Polyjuice potion has to be relatively fresh,” Remus said, “so it’s unlikely that they would have the opportunity to become your dopplegänger.”

“Thank God,” Lily said. 

“Was it really that bad to turn into me, Lily?”

Sirius laughed. “It was the worst for Prongs.”

James made a face at me. “Sneaky Grindylow.”

I batted my eyelashes at him innocently. “Are you really sure you don’t want to hold hands with me?”

James made a retching sound in his throat. “No!”

I made to get up from the table, to the sound of Sirius’s chuckles. “I’m coming over there to sit in between you and Lily. You’d better be ready to hold my hand, Rotter.”

Lily, Sirius and Remus laughed at James’s horrified expression. “You stay right where you are, Grindylow!”

I raised a hand to my forehead dramatically. “Oh, no! You didn’t want to hold my hand in the library? Did you really only want to hold Lily’s hand? Oh, my poor heart! I’m so heartbroken, Rotter!”

Sirius was barking with laughter beside me on the bench. “There’s a cat’s chance in hell that I’d hold hands with you, Stripes,” James said, giving me the stink eye. 

I laughed, and Sirius descended into more laughter at his animal pun. “More puns, Prongs?” Remus said, chuckling. 

Sirius managed to get his laughter under control. “Merlin, you really know how to rattle Prongs, kitten,” he said, grinning at me. 

I shrugged. “All I have to do is make a few comments about me replacing Lily.”

James chuckled and smiled at his girlfriend. “After all these years, why would I give you up, Lily?”

Sirius made a retching noise. “Get a room, Prongs.”

“He was persistent, I’ll give him that,” Remus said. 

“More like obsessed,” Peter shot back. 

“Wormtail! You’ll make me sound like a pervert.”

“Oooo, a pervert?” I said, rubbing my hands together. “What’ve you done that’s so perverted, Rotter?”

James ruffled the top of his head. “I didn’t do anything perverted! I am not a pervert! And I’m no peeping Tom either.” 

“The cloak makes it rather easy, Prongs,” Peter muttered.

Lily and I looked at him, confused about what he meant, but we didn’t get the opportunity to ask, as Sirius cut in. “Rather rich to be calling me a pervert then, Prongs?”

James rolled his eyes. “If anyone’s the pervert, it is in fact you, Padfoot.”

“Unfair!”

“What? Grindylow calls you a pervert too, doesn’t she?”

I laughed. Sirius turned to pout at me. “I thought you didn’t mean that, kitten?”

I elbowed him in the side. “You do earn that title sometimes, old man.”

“Oh, no! Now I’m the broken-hearted one!” He began trying to tickle me on the bench. “You’re so heartless, kitten.”

I squirmed away from Sirius’s fingers. “Heartless? I have a heart, thank you very much.”

“Do you?” James said. “You’re not just a cold, hard, calculating grindylow?”

“No.”

Lily sighed. “Do you boys bicker all the time? Or just when we’re here?”

“Every day. It’s good natured, though, so you needn’t worry about that. It’s the sort of bickering that brothers would have, that’s all,” Remus said. 

James clapped Peter on the back. “Brothers, isn’t that right, Wormtail?”

Peter smiled. “We do share a dormitory.”

“Maybe if we didn’t, it’d stink less in there,” Sirius said. 

“Stink? It doesn’t stink!”

“Yes, it does, mate. Have you been in there recently?”

“Padfoot, YOU stink. You bring the stench in there with you.”

“I do not stink! For fuck’s sakes, how could I have shagged so many girls if I stink?”

I laughed. “He doesn’t actually smell bad, Rotter.”

James made a face at me. “You’re a biased source, Grindylow.”

“Prongs, I hate to break it to you, but I’ve got half the girls in this school who can vouch for how good I smell,” Sirius said. “And you, kitten.”

“He’s got a point, Rotter.”

James made a face. “Don’t you start.”

“I think Evans should have to take a good whiff of me and be the ultimate judge.”

Lily laughed. “Me?”

“Padfoot, no. My girlfriend is under no obligation to smell you,” James said, wrapping an arm around Lily. 

“Honestly, why are we always talking about body odors, Padfoot and Prongs?” Remus said. The food for the feast appeared just then, and we all began serving ourselves from the assortment of Halloween-themed food dishes in front of us. 

“It is very, very important to smell good, Moony,” Sirius said. I watched in amazement as he and James began piling food onto their plates, as if they were trying to recreate the Leaning Tower of Pisa with their dinners. 

“You’re only anal-retentive about smelling good because you’re so sensitive to smells, Padfoot.”

“It’s not my fault.”

“Oh, that explains the sniffing,” I said, pouring myself a glass of pumpkin juice. Sirius must have a ridiculously good sense of smell because of his animagus form, like the superior night vision that I’d inherited from mine. 

Sirius flashed me a grin. “What? I wasn’t taking the piss when I said you smell good.”

James made a retching noise before he went back to tucking into his meal. 

“Oh, by the way, thanks for letting Wormtail copy your essay, Kersti,” Remus said. 

Peter looked up from his plate and frowned at Remus. 

“What? Why’re you looking at me like that, Wormtail?” Remus said. 

Peter grumbled, cleared his throat, and then looked up at me. “Yeah, er… thanks. Great essay.”

“How’d you do on it?” I asked. 

“Best mark to date, actually. So, yeah… thanks, I guess.”

Lily sighed and took a bite of her shepherd’s pie. “When’d this happen?”

“When you lot had to deal with the graffiti,” Sirius said, gesturing to Remus, James and Lily. 

“How… charitable of you, Grindylow,” James said. 

“I know. I’m a proper philanthropist now.”

Sirius laughed. “Such a kind, gentle-hearted kitten. Sometimes.”

I watched in fascination as Sirius and James finished their helpings of food and went back for seconds, while Remus, Lily and I were still only halfway through our first. “Do they usually eat this much?” I asked. 

Remus chuckled. “At every meal, for as long as I’ve known them.”

“You two must have hollow legs,” I said, watching James and Sirius wolfing down their second rounds of food. 

“Oi. Grindylow,” James said. “I’m not a test subject, no need to stare.”

“You do eat an ungodly amount, James. I think you’ve definitely got a hollow leg,” Lily said. 

“Hollow? I thought it was a wooden leg?” Sirius said and took a sip of his pumpkin juice. 

James looked up from his meal. “Padfoot, I’m not a pirate. And anyway, it’s hard work being Quidditch Captain and Head Boy and being so bloody brilliant as I am. I need to eat a lot to sustain my lifestyle.”

“Christ!” I said, laughing. 

“Oh, yeah. Makes me so bloody hungry all the time, being so amazing at everything,” Sirius said and flashed me a cheeky grin. 

“Speaking of eating, d’you fancy raiding the kitchens on your birthday, mate?” James asked Sirius. 

Peter clapped his hands together. “Oooo, yes! That sounds amazing.”

“It’s not your birthday, Wormtail. You always fancy a kitchen raid,” Remus said, chuckling. 

“Oh, it’s your birthday soon?” Lily asked Sirius. 

I grinned at her and then elbowed Sirius gently. “It’s on the third of November, Lily. The old bloke is turning eighteen, can you believe it! Merlin, doesn’t life just seem to fly by, old man?”

Sirius pouted at me. “Don’t bring up my birthday around her, Prongs. She’ll be teasing me about how I’m a decrepit old sod for the rest of the evening.”

“Maybe don’t include the girls in the birthdays at all,” Peter said, shooting me a dirty look. 

“Wormtail, of course Lily is going to be involved in my birthdays from now on,” James said. 

“But are we doing another wicked prank on the Slytherins this year, Prongs?” Peter said. 

James shot Lily a nervous glance and ruffled his hair. “Er… that’s, well… it’s a while off and those plans are up for debate, open to modifications, yes.”

Lily and I exchanged a look, smiling. “My birthday’s next in January, isn’t it?” she said. 

James grinned at her. “It’ll be the best one you’ve ever had, Lily-flower.”

As James and Lily continued to talk, Sirius shot me a grin before I felt his left hand land on my thigh under the table. I watched him rest his chin in his palm with his elbow on the table, having finished both of his enormous portions of food. He turned to look at me, grinning even wider as his fingers danced along the top of my thigh. I smirked. Two could play at this game. I took my sweet time taking a sip from my glass of pumpkin juice, all the while slipping off the black school shoe from my right foot, which was closest to him. He had just started inching his hand up my right thigh when I raised my tights-clad foot under the table and began running my foot up and down his leg. 

He chuckled. I flashed him a smirk. “What? It’s my turn, old man.”

“Padfoot, d’you reckon we should make a list of all the sweets we’ll be taking from the kitchen?” Peter asked. 

Sirius turned his gaze to his friend. “We’ll remember everything, won’t we?”

“Lists don’t leave any room for spontaneity,” James said. “Fancy any sweets, Lily? I can get some for you.”

She shook her head while I continued to run my foot up and down Sirius’s trouser-clad leg. I smiled. “You know, Rotter, I’ve actually got you lot to thank for showing me how to get into the kitchens. It’s very handy for when I get hungry late at night or early in the morning.”

James furrowed his eyebrows. “Did we show you? I can’t remember doing that.”

“No, don’t think we did,” Remus said. 

“Well, you didn’t show me, per say. I merely saw you four tickling the pear in the painting last year.”

Sirius grinned. “Spying on me, kitten? I had no idea.”

I rolled my eyes and rubbed my foot on his calf. “I wasn’t spying on any of you, I was thinking about how to get in when the four of you showed up and kindly gave me a demonstration.”

James chuckled. “Now that’s a peeping Tom thing to do, Grindylow.”

“Piss off.”

Sirius turned to grin at me and ran his hand over my right lower leg under the table. “We’ve found the real pervert now, Prongs.”

“I’ve seen you four sneak down there too,” Lily said abruptly. 

James turned to her. “You have? When?”

“Well, you aren’t very subtle about leaving the Common Room, and in fifth year I thought that I could, er… dock House points from you four if I followed you.”

“There are worse things to catch people doing,” Remus said. 

“Oh, yeah. I caught a couple snogging in the corridor last night,” James said. 

“Did you enjoy it?” Sirius said. 

“No! Why would I want to watch two fifth years slobbering all over each other?” 

“At least you didn’t catch them having a wank,” Sirius said. 

I made a face. “Does anyone actually do that in the corridors?”

Lily cringed. “I caught a couple shagging this year.”

“Bloody hell!”

“Who was it, Evans?”

Lily screwed up her face in disgust. “Avery and that Slytherin girl, I think her name is Katie Weaver.”

“Gross!” 

“I think I’ll be sick.”

“Merlin, I can feel the bile in my throat.”

Sirius was laughing. “You must be traumatised, Evans.”

“Yes, I am. I needed to confide in you boys, I suppose.”

I grinned at her. “Just another one of the many reasons why I’ll be ruining his life.”

“Ruining his life? That sounds like fun, kitten. What’ve you got planned so far?”

I shrugged. “Haven’t thought about it yet, old man. I only just promised him that before dinner.”

James rubbed his hands together. “Are you selling tickets, Stripes? I’d love to have a front-row seat.”

“Yes, yes, let us know when you’ll be doing this,” Peter said. 

“Let me know too so I can break up the fight before you both get yourselves expelled,” Lily said, giving me a look. 

“If you’re short on ideas, I’m sure Padfoot would be more than willing to help you out, Kersti,” Remus said. 

Sirius grinned at me, his fingers playing with the hem of my skirt. “Say the word, and I’m all yours for prank ideas, kitten.”

I decided to step the teasing up a notch and laid my right hand on his thigh under the table. “Aw, old man. So generous.”

“I aim to please.”

“How in Merlin’s name are you going to be getting away with all this life-ruining?” Lily asked pointedly. 

I shrugged. “I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve.”

“Enough to prevent you from getting caught, then?”

“Don’t you worry, Lily. It’ll be a flawless plan to bring holy chaos down upon Avery’s head, a plan so full of wit and cunning that it would make Rowena Ravenclaw proud.”

She sighed and rubbed her forehead. “How am I supposed to condone this behaviour, from all of you?” she said, gesturing to me, James and Sirius. 

“I reckon it’s a conflict of interest,” Remus said. 

“You’re the voice of reason, Lily,” James said. 

“A fat lot of good that does,” Remus said. 

“Your badge isn’t symbolic?” James teased. 

“Symbolic?”

“Does it indeed have power behind it?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Yes, though my own mates are exempt from all rules, as it would seem.”

I ran my hand up Sirius’s thigh. “Tragic.”

“But who else would tell us when and where the prefects are doing their rounds, Moony?” Sirius said. 

“Bribe someone else, my conscience is guilting me.”

“We do bribe you. With chocolate,” James said. 

“Is this about me not sharing my Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans with you last week? Or when I switched the peppermint and troll bogies ones?” Peter said, looking genuinely concerned that he had deeply offended his werewolf friend. 

“Troll bogies? That’s not real, is it?” Lily said, looking repulsed. 

“Alas, it is. Had one last year and it nearly made me retch,” James said. 

“Dear Lord. That’s repugnant.”

Peter was rooting around in his robes and pulled out a bag of the wizarding candy beans. “Here, Moony. You can have them. I saved all the chocolate ones for you, but I think I left some liver and tripe beans. Don’t mix those up.”

“Wormtail, I’m not truly cross with you. I don’t want the silly beans.”

“In that case,” James said, plucking the bag out of Peter’s hands, “let’s have a bet, Padfoot. Reckon you can catch five of these in your mouth in a row?”

Sirius leapt up from his spot next to me and stood just behind the bench, grinning. “How much?”

“Two Galleons?” Remus said. 

“More, Moony.”

“That’s an insultingly low bet, Moony,” Sirius said. 

“Let’s make it five then,” James said.

Sirius flashed his best mate a shit-eating grin. “Perfect, Prongs.”

“What happens if you get a bogey one?” I said and laughed as Sirius adopted a very odd stance, looking like he was ready to leap either left or right at the drop of a hat. 

Sirius grinned at me. “Eat them before I can finish tasting them. Thank Merlin the beans don’t smell strongly.”

“Ready, Padfoot?” James said, first bean already in hand. 

Lily and I rolled our eyes. There were other students looking our way now, mostly Gryffindor girls who were taking the opportunity to ogle Sirius while he was so out in the open. I laughed as he opened his mouth wide in preparation to catch the bean. James threw the first bean, which arced over the table and straight into Sirius’s waiting mouth. The second, third and fourth beans all followed the first in going straight into his mouth, and if he’d caught a rancid-tasting bean so far, he didn’t let on. And of course he caught the fifth bean as well, and when he had, he stood there in shock for a moment, a look of pure joy on his face and his hands on his head. 

“Did you see that? Did you bloody well see that!” he said, grinning from ear to ear. 

Peter was clapping frantically, while I thought that I was going to piss myself laughing. 

“I knew you could do it, Padfoot,” Remus said. 

James laughed. “Shouldn’t’ve doubted you, mate.”

“I think you’re killing Grindylow with laughter, Padfoot,” Peter said. 

“It was rather funny, watching you going side to side with your mouth agape,” Lily said, chuckling and taking a sip of her drink. 

Sirius was laughing at me losing it. “You alright, kitten? Can you still breathe?”

I managed to contain myself and wipe the tears from my eyes. “Jesus Christ, that was a sight to behold.”

Sirius plunked himself down on the bench beside me. “Can I have a congratulatory kiss, kitten?” he said and pointed to his lips. 

“I don’t want Rotter being sick at the table, old man.”

“Thank Merlin! How considerate of you, Grindylow.”

“Spoilsport, Prongs.”

When the feast had finally finished, Lily and I got up together, to the sounds of James’s protests. However, he was distracted by Peter and Sirius pelting the remaining beans at him, and soon he was too preoccupied with shielding his face from their candy attack. Lily and I exchanged a look, rolling our eyes at the boys being goofs. 

“Oi! Kitten!” 

I turned around to see Sirius grinning at me in a brief pause from attacking James with the beans. “What, old man?”

He looked me up and down. “Nice arse.”

I laughed and blew him a kiss before I turned away and walked towards the doors with Lily. I decided then that for Sirius’s birthday on Thursday, I would have to think of something to give him, something that he would enjoy. After all, an old man turning eighteen was certainly a noteworthy occasion, especially when said old man was Sirius Black.


	25. The Most Incredibly Sexy Birthday Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve uploaded another story which will be a series of random bonus scenes from this one. There will be scenes from Sirius’s POV, maybe other characters too, scenes from Kersti’s earlier years at Hogwarts, etc. It’s not organized chronologically, and they’ll be one-shots. Also this story is a slow-burn romance, hence why things are taking so long to progress. I think that it will all be worth it when things take off.   
> A very Sirius-centric chapter; hope y’all enjoy it.
> 
> Electric love by BØRNS

When Thursday, the day of Sirius’s birthday, arrived, I knew exactly what I was going to do for him, besides mercilessly tease him about being born in 1959 and being an old man. It wouldn’t be a material gift, as I hadn’t thought to buy Sirius Black of all people a birthday present when I had last had the chance. I’d never thought that I’d be close enough to him to give him gifts. I also hadn’t the faintest idea what he would have liked to get for his birthday, and it would’ve been humiliating for me to buy him something only for him to hate it. After all, I still didn’t know him that well and, at any rate, I was very confident that he would enjoy what I’d be doing for his birthday later today. 

The boys were even more rambunctious than usual, and they had entered the Great Hall for breakfast in a tussling, chaotic quartet, creating a kerfuffle that I had seen from my spot with the girls at the Ravenclaw table. This energy had carried on through the day, so that when I ran into them next in the corridor outside the Potions classroom, I found the four of them being goofy and pestering Sirius a great deal, while Lily was reading her Potions textbook next to them, looking like she was trying her best to ignore them being typical teenage boys. At the moment, they looked like they were trying to stick the ends of their fingers in each other’s ears for some unknown reason. 

“Kitten, you’re not coming over to hang around me on my birthday?” Sirius said, noticing me lingering in the corridor, unsure of whether I should wait for Emily, Tess and Lia to arrive, or get sucked into the Marauders’ tomfoolery. Oh, well. The decision had just been made for me, seeing as I couldn’t walk away now that the old man had noticed me. 

“Hang on, you impatient old man,” I said, walking over to the boys. James and Sirius looked to be trying to get at Peter, who was taking cover behind Remus. 

“Padfoot, Prongs, I said stop,” Remus said. “Two ganging up on one is against the rules.”

Sirius tried to lunge at Peter but was blocked by one of Remus’s arms. “Moony,” James said, “what about one versus two? That’s not against the rules, is it?”

“No, you already did that this morning,” Remus said. 

“Moony, move. I’m trying to get Wormtail,” Sirius said, laughing and trying to make another lunge for his short friend. 

“What on Earth are you four doing?” I said as I stopped to stand with Lily. 

Lily sighed and gave the boys a cursory glance before going back to her textbook. “They’ve been having this childish competition all morning.”

“It looks… violent?” I said. 

Sirius paused in his attempts at launching himself at Peter and grinned at me. “It’s not painful, kitten. Just unpleasant.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, what the hell is it?”

“Wet willies,” James said, grinning. 

“You know, sticking your saliva-covered finger in someone else’s ear, twisting it round a bit?” Peter said, stepping out from behind Remus now that Sirius and James weren’t trying to get at him. 

I scrunched up my face and turned to Lily. “Boys. Gross, silly boys.”

“I’ve been watching them do this all morning, justifying it by saying that it’s for his birthday,” she said, gesturing to Sirius, who was standing next to Remus and James with his hands in his pockets. 

He shrugged, shooting me a grin. “What? No one’s asking you to partake, Evans.”

“I swear on my broomstick, I won’t even try to give you one, my Lily-flower,” James said. 

Lily grumbled something about finding it to be disgusting alone to watch before going back to her book. 

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t help but laugh at the four of them, who were trying to look innocent as little lambs. “Well, who’s winning?”

“Padfoot,” Peter said. 

“By a long shot, I might add,” Remus said. 

“Bloody long-haired Padfoot, with his hair that protects his ears,” James said, throwing his best mate a punch on the arm. 

“No one asked you to keep your hair short, Prongs. You could grow it out like mine.”

“At least you’re not the shortest one here!” Peter said. 

“Not my fault I’m a gangly beanpole, Wormtail,” James said. 

“And not my fault I’m taller than you,” Sirius said, grinning at Peter. 

“This is exactly why it can’t be you two ganging up on him,” Remus said. “How’s it supposed to be a competition if it’s stacked against one of the competitors?”

“Moony, stop being so diplomatic.”

“If you’re going to be making rules, I think Padfoot should have to cut his hair,” Peter said. 

Sirius stared at him, mouth agape. “Wormtail! No! Over my dead body!”

James rounded on his friend too. “It’s not fair, Padfoot. You need to tie your hair back or something.”

“You have an unfair advantage!” Peter added. 

“It’s not my fault I’m the only one with long hair!” Sirius said and grabbed the ends of his hair next to his face, pulling it tight against his cheekbones so that his ears were protected from any wettened fingers. I started laughing at how ridiculous he looked as he tried to take cover behind Remus, still protecting his ears with his long hair. 

“Padfoot, you have to tie your hair back. It’s not fair!”

“I am not tying my hair back! I’d look like a bloody girl!”

“Dunno, Padfoot. You do have an advantage here,” Remus said mildly. 

“No! Moony! Not you too!” 

James leapt at Sirius just then, trying to get him in a headlock, but the appearance of Slughorn cut their tussling in the corridor short. 

“Mr Potter, Mr Black, keep your wrestling to the outdoors, please. I’d hate to see you knock over anything fragile in the classroom and cause a spill,” he said, opening the door to let us in for class. 

Lily clapped her book closed and sighed. “Silly boys,” she said, smiling at me. “I have a feeling that they’ll be pranking the Slytherins later or making some other mischief in honour of Black’s birthday.”

I chuckled. “That sounds about right.”

“Did you get him anything for his birthday?”

I shook my head. “No. But I’m planning something for the old man later.”

Sirius looked away from watching James pester Peter and grinned at me. “Did you get me a birthday gift, kitten?”

I offered him a cheeky smirk before we started heading into the Potions classroom. “All in due course, old man.”

Sirius and I fell into step together as the students filed inside. “Can I have a hint, kitten?” he said, returning my smile. 

I shook my head. “No, sorry, old man. But I promise that it’ll be well worth the wait,” I said and blew him a saucy kiss before I went to sit down at the desks where the girls and I usually sat. They appeared not long after, thanking me for saving the seats for them. As soon as we were all seated and Slughorn had begun a long, rambling lesson about the intricacies of brewing Veritaserum, I pulled out a spare bit of parchment and dipped my quill in the inkpot, writing a note to the very handsome old man:

To the Most Incredibly Sexy Birthday Boy, 

Find me tonight at 10 to collect your birthday present from me. 

xoxo

Kersti

I waited a moment for the ink to dry and then took out my wand, making sure that Slughorn was suitably distracted with his brewing demonstration. I waved my wand and the note folded itself into the shape of a bird, which I then charmed to take flight. It flapped its paper wings a few times, rising into the air above my desk, and I watched as it took off on its journey across the classroom, making a beeline for Sirius where he was sitting with James, Remus and Peter. I stayed turned around in my seat long enough to watch it land safely in front of Sirius, who shifted from his position sitting with his hands behind his head. I chuckled, seeing the bored, half-asleep look wiped from his handsome face when he saw the note appear on the desk. I turned back around and listened halfheartedly to the lecture, but I largely spent the remainder of the class thinking about the note that I’d just sent to Sirius, and how much I was hoping that he would enjoy what was to come later today. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


That evening, half an hour before I had told Sirius to come find me, I headed down from the Ravenclaw Tower and found an inconspicuous broom cupboard on a higher-up floor. I stayed quiet as I leaned against the wall next to the broom cupboard door, keeping an ear out for any approaching prefects who would scold me and tell me to get back to my dormitory before curfew. I was also keeping an ear pricked for Sirius who would be locating me with the help of the Marauders’ mysterious tracking device. In this case, it was useful that Sirius could find me in the castle, but Lily and I still needed to figure out what that blasted item was that gave them our location at all hours of the day. Maybe we could also look into how James and Sirius had snuck up on us invisibly in the library at the same time. Silly mischievous Marauders. At least I usually didn’t break rules for the sake of pranking other students or sneaking up on them. I only broke some very major rules for my own sake, so that I could cope with being a Seer better. Becoming an unregistered animagus was a very grave offense, but it had given me a healthier way to cope with my visions and dreams, as well as maintain my sanity, and so defying such a rule had seemed a small price to pay compared to the benefits of being an animagus.

I was thinking about when I should go to the Forbidden Forest next for a nighttime prowl when I heard footsteps coming towards me down the corridor. I looked up, and from the light of the torches on the wall I saw the old man himself, grinning like a fiend as he drew nearer to me. I took a moment to admire him as he went, his robes stylishly messy and his dark waves framing his face. Jesus Christ, I didn’t think that I’d ever get used to how ridiculously good-looking Sirius was. I grinned back at him, stepping away from the wall. I reckoned that he’d really enjoy his birthday surprise. 

“You made it in one piece, old man,” I said. 

Sirius grinned and stopped in front of me, grey eyes meeting mine. “You thought I wouldn’t, kitten?”

“Dunno, I was a tad worried about your arthritis and your balance on the stairs.”

He shook his head, smiling ruefully. “Merlin, the age-related teasing is going to be so much worse today, isn’t it?”

I offered him a cheeky smile. “Of course, old man. It’s a very special occasion, celebrating the birthday of an old man who is on his deathbed. Every breath could be his last.”

He laughed. “Teasing hellcat.”

I pretended to think about something. “You know, you really are a lucky old bugger. Most old men don’t have any hair left on their heads when they reach your age, and yet, here you are! Tell me, what’s your secret, old man?”

He snorted with laughter, looking at me. “Dunno. I reckon my secret is that I’m not actually an old bugger?”

I gasped dramatically. “That’s impossible! How could you not be an old sod?! You’re born in 1959, do you have any idea how long ago that was?”

Sirius laughed, grinning from ear to ear. 

“It’s so long ago,” I continued. “November of 1959 is eons earlier than when I was born in 1960.”

“Merlin,” he said, barking with laughter. 

“And your flippant attitude towards life is certainly disturbing, old man. You need to value your remaining days more! What if you go to eat breakfast in the Great Hall tomorrow morning and drop dead like a fly?” I said, poking his chest. 

He looked down at me, smiling despite himself. “If you don’t stop telling me I’m going to die any day now, then I will have no choice but to give you a proper snogging to make you stop.”

I laughed. “Alright, alright. As lovely as that sounds, old man, I’d better get to giving you your birthday surprise.”

“Merlin, finally! I thought you’d be teasing me for years until I really did become an old man.” 

I laughed and turned away, opening the door to the broom cupboard. “Decrepit and sexy birthday boys first,” I said, holding the door open and raising an eyebrow at him. 

He laughed and smacked my arse when he walked by. “As you wish, kitten.”

I grinned to myself as he stepped into the small closet, and then I went in after him, closing the door behind me and throwing us into darkness for a moment. I performed the charms this time that would prevent us from being heard and interrupted, and then I waited a moment for my eyes to adjust to the light. 

“I’ve a feeling that I’m going to like this birthday surprise, kitten,” Sirius said, watching me. 

I turned to face him, making out his features in the dim light. “I think you will, old man. Can you see me alright?” 

“More or less, yeah. Why?” 

I took several steps forward until I was looking up at him, my body pressed against his. “You’ll want to watch what I’m doing, old man,” I said and then leaned in and kissed him. 

As soon as our mouths met, Sirius’s hands fell to my waist, hands gripping and pushing me up against him even more. I chuckled against his mouth briefly before I kissed him harder. God, I had missed snogging him. The feeling of his lips against mine was addictive, let alone having him fucking me. His hands started making their way under my clothes to feel my bare skin, but instead of immediately going for his shirt buttons, my hands fell to his belt and began tantalizingly undoing it. Before he got too cocky and took the lead, I moved my mouth from his and started placing soft kisses along his jaw, and then travelling lower. I paused along his neck, kissing his skin more insistently and then nipping and sucking where his pulse beat in his throat. 

“Mmm, you do smell good, old man,” I said, using my animagus nose to appreciate how good he smelt, as always. 

A chuckle rumbled in his throat. “And you smell good too, kitten.”

I smiled and then nipped at his skin. “An odd side effect of being an animagus is the heightened sense of smell.”

He chuckled. “It certainly is, kitten.”

I decided to move beyond his neck, running my hands down his chest and torso as I lowered myself until I was on my knees, looking up at him. 

“Oh, Merlin,” he said, staring back at me before him. 

I grinned. “Told you you’d like this, old man. And that you’d want to watch.”

He groaned as I finished undoing his belt and ever so slowly undid his zip. But before I progressed any further, I took a moment to loosen my hair from its ponytail, letting my curls fall around my shoulders. 

“Merlin. You are incredibly sexy, kitten.”

I grinned up at him, meeting his eyes. “Thank you, old man.” I shifted my knees on the ground before I ran my hands up his thighs, but I stopped when I felt something weird in his trouser pocket. “What on Earth is this, old man?” 

He withdrew it. “Spare bit of parchment, kitten.”

I looked at said parchment in his hand suspiciously. “Parchment?”

“What?”

“Dunno, I just never took you for a parchment-carrying bloke.”

He shrugged and returned it to his pocket, neatly folded into a rectangle. I looked up at him, a smirk shaping my lips. “Keep your secrets then, old man,” I said and palmed him through his underwear. 

He let out a shaky breath, eyes never leaving mine. He looked utterly mesmerized by the sight of me on my knees in front of him, and I couldn’t get enough of it. It was one thing to acknowledge how barmy he made me with desire, but seeing him transfixed by me was so incredibly satisfying. 

I slowly pulled his erection out of his trousers. “Tell me if you want me to do anything specific, old man,” I said, stroking him softly a few times. 

Sirius groaned. “No, nothing specific. Just put your-”

I cut him off from saying anything more by taking him into my mouth. 

“Ohhh, fuck,” he moaned. 

I chuckled around his cock in my mouth. I should have some fun with him and tease him, since it was his birthday. I slowly pulled my mouth away, looking up at him. 

“Can you hold my hair back?” I said. 

He managed to lower a hand and gather my hair in his fist, but he didn’t pull on it and merely held it gently. “Of course, kitten. I won’t try to hold you down or anything, unless you want me to.”

I grinned up at him. “Thanks, old man. I’ll let you know if I do.”

I broke eye contact with him to move my hand up and down his erection for a moment, and then I took him in my mouth again, starting slowly at first and making sure that I was looking up at him. I’d learnt how to give a great blowjob from the last bloke I’d slept with, since he’d asked for them regularly. But for Sirius, I’d have to give him the special treatment and tease him as well. 

I went a bit faster and he cursed. “Oh, fuck. Merlin.”

I withdrew my mouth to look up at him demurely. “What’s that, old man? Got something to say to me?”

“Kitten, you- ohhh, fuck.”

I’d cut him off from saying anything more by taking him back into my mouth, my hand wrapped around what I couldn’t take. I hummed around his cock and then withdrew. “Sorry, what’s that? Didn’t catch that last part.”

“Fuck, I was saying that-”

He groaned as I took him as deeply as possible in my mouth. 

“Fuck,” he breathed, holding my gaze. 

I withdrew again. “You know, you should really work on that,” I said, stroking his erection faster now. “You’re not even finishing your sentences, old man.”

He groaned. “You’re such a tease- oh, Merlin!”

I had taken him back into my mouth, and this time I made sure to use suction to distract him. I placed my free hand on the back of his leg to stabilize myself and picked up my pace. 

“Fuck, kitten. I’m not going to last much longer.”

I held his gaze, making sure that he could see what I was doing as I went faster. 

“Oh, fuck,” he groaned. “Do you want to stop when I’m close?”

I pulled back from him for a moment. “No,” I said, before I took him into my mouth again. This time, I went as fast as I could go without triggering my gag reflex, and in no time I had him mumbling and moaning incoherently as he neared his climax. 

“Merlin, Kersti,” he breathed and then he groaned as he came inside my mouth. 

When he’d finished, I slipped his cock from my mouth and tucked it back into his trousers, standing up and brushing my knees off where they’d gotten dirty from the floor. Sirius was doing his zip up and buckling up his belt, watching me. “You don’t have to swallow, kitten. I don’t mind if you spit.”

I swallowed and stuck my tongue out to him for inspection, making him chuckle. “Wasn’t that bad, old man. Not like I haven’t done it before. And it wasn’t as bad as drinking firewhiskey.”

“What, it didn’t burn the fuck out of your throat?” he joked. 

“No, thank Merlin,” I said, reaching into my robes pocket to pop a few of the breath mints that I brought into my mouth. 

Sirius gave me a lazy grin and ran a hand through his dark waves. “Can you imagine if there was a bloke out there who jizzed firewhiskey?” 

I nearly died laughing at that. “What the ever-loving fuck made you think of that, old man?” 

He was laughing at me wheezing from the hysterical laughter. “Dunno, just a natural progression of thoughts.” 

“For you! Who the fuck thinks about that sort of thing?!” 

“You were the one who first brought up firewhiskey, kitten!” 

“Yeah, but I didn’t go  _ that _ far. You took it to a whole other weird level, old man.” 

Sirius looked at me, still barking with laughter. “Well, it made you laugh, didn’t it? It can’t be all that bad.” 

I looked at him and met his gaze as we both laughed some more. He did always make me laugh every time I was around him, and with the stressors and problems in my life, I really did appreciate it. I liked spending time with him like this, after we’d satisfied our sexual urges and then were free to have a good laugh and tease each other. “Well, at least there’s someone out there who laughs at your weird jokes, old man.” 

“I make Prongs, Moony and Wormtail laugh plenty, kitten,” he said, smiling at me.

“With a comment like that?” 

“Well, maybe not that one. But they enjoy my jokes. How else d’you think we’ve stayed friends for so long?” he said, chuckling and still looking at me. 

I shrugged and tied my hair back into its ponytail. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever reduced you to a babbling mess like that before.”

He grinned. “It’s the sincerest form of thanking you, kitten. It was that good.”

At least having a fling with that Muggle bloke who’d loved his blowjobs had been good for something. “I didn’t have any material gift to give you for your birthday, but I hope this was a decent substitute. Of course, I’m more than willing to give you blowjobs no matter the occasion, but I hadn’t given you one yet, and I figured that I could give you the first one on your birthday.”

Sirius grinned and gently pinched my arse. “And it was amazing, kitten. You are incredible at those.” He looked at me for a moment. “How about I return the favour right now?”

I shook my head, chuckling. “Next time, old man. It’s not exactly normal to show up to a birthday party expecting to receive gifts as the guest, now, is it?” I said, and Sirius snorted with laughter. 

“No, I s’ppose that’s not quite normal, kitten.”

I watched as he rooted around in his robe pockets for a moment before withdrawing his packet of cigarettes. “Fancy a smoke, kitten?” he said, raising a question eyebrow at me. 

I took the proffered cigarette. “In here?”

“It’s not like the smoke bothers either of us. And it’s such a lovely moment, I don’t want to ruin it,” he said, poking me in the sides. 

“Alright, alright, old man. I’ve got to do what the birthday boy wants, don’t I?” 

“Exactly, kitten.”

Sirius and I spent a moment getting our smokes lit and I used  _ lumos _ to cast some light in the dim broom cupboard, holding my wand in one hand and taking drags from my cigarette with the other. 

“When’s your birthday, kitten? I’ll have to repay you in kind when you turn eighteen.”

“Well, you see, old man,” I said, grinning impishly at him. “It’s not until July seventh, and I was born in 1960 which means that I’m not an old lady.”

He laughed. “Teasing kitten.”

“It’s the truth, old man. I feel sorry for you, having to be around people who are so much younger than you. Must really make you feel your age, huh?”

“Merlin!” he said, still laughing. 

“Must create a lot of resentment, what with the envy. When you see them you must always be wishing that you weren’t so wrinkly, that you didn’t have all the grey hairs, that you could walk properly without the canes, that-”

Sirius used one hand to tickle and poke me. “You are such a tease, Kersti.”

I laughed and we both took a few long drags from our cigarettes, savouring the smoke as it burnt our throats and lungs, filling our chests with warm ash and air. 

“God, I am glad that I’m not the only one who loves a good smoke,” I said, tapping the ash from the end. 

“Me too. It’s no fun, going out to smoke alone. Especially not outside in the cold.”

“Remember that party in September, old man? The Gryffindor one?”

Sirius chuckled. “First time we smoked together, wasn’t it?”

I nodded and took an inhalation before speaking again. “It was fun to smoke with you then.”

“It isn’t anymore?” he said, pouting at me. 

“Yes, it still is, old man,” I said, laughing. 

“That’s why I included it in the note asking you to Hogsmeade, kitten.”

“Yeah, you did. Did you like the note I sent you in class?”

“Of course, kitten. I love being called ‘the Most Incredibly Sexy Birthday Boy.’”

“That’s why I did it, old man.”

Sirius paused, taking a long drag from his cigarette and studying me thoughtfully. After a moment of silence, he spoke. “I’ve never asked you this, but why did you become an animagus?”

Shit. And there was the question. I wasn’t too enthused by the prospect of lying straight to his face, but there was nothing else that could be done. I avoided Sirius’s gaze by taking a drag from my cigarette. “Because why not? I wanted to see if I could do it, since I’m a Ravenclaw and we love to challenge ourselves intellectually,” I said, trying to sound very blasé. 

He stared at me and continued smoking his dwindling cigarette. He was clearly unconvinced and he looked like he could tell that that wasn’t the truth, but he thankfully didn’t press the issue. He would just have to get over his disappointment, seeing as I couldn’t tell him that it all stemmed from me being a Seer. When we had finished our first cigarettes, he handed me a second one and took another himself, and once we’d gotten those lit he spoke again. 

“Have you thought about how to go about ruining Avery’s life yet?”

I shook my head. “No, I haven’t. I want it to be a suitably vengeful plan, but there’s also the problem of not getting caught. And I’d like to be creative, so that every time he sees me, he’ll remember how he should think twice before picking a fight with me. God, I am so done with him starting shit with me. Not to mention he humiliated me in front of the class and now I’m being called ‘Baldie’ and ‘Bald Grindylow.’”

He chuckled. “There’s nothing better than getting revenge, kitten. I would know. There’s a reason that Prongs and I love going after Snivellus.”

“Do you have any ideas that you would so generously share with me? After all, you’re the expert in this field.”

“Not yet. Revenge of this magnitude will require some planning.” He flashed me a shit-eating grin. “But when the time comes, I’d be more than happy to help you execute this revenge prank.”

I grinned back at him. “Aw, old man. You would?”

“Of course, kitten. Like you said, I am the expert here.”

“Aw, you’re such a sweet old man. You know, I think I’ll definitely take you up on that offer.”

“Brilliant. Really, you’re doing me the favour, because I’d love to ruin Avery’s life too.”

I chuckled and elbowed him playfully. “It’s a date, old man. Sometime soon, we’ll be ruining Avery’s life together.”

He gave me a wide grin and ran a hand through his hair. “If Snivellus is in the vicinity, I’ll prank him too.”

“And Mulciber. The three of them usually go together.”

“Yeah, him too. And any other Slytherins we can get our hands on.”

I chuckled and took a puff from my cigarette. “Did you four go out and prank Slytherins for your birthday today, old man?”

He shook his head. “No, we couldn’t. Evans was watching Prongs like a hawk, so he made us all call it off. He’s become rather paranoid about her dumping him, ever since the pixie prank.” 

“Shame.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him, kitten.”

I took a drag from my second smoke. “You know, old man, eating dinner with you and your friends and Lily on Monday, it… I dunno, it made me a little jealous. I wish that I could have such a good bunch of friends like that.” 

“I thought you had your friends in Ravenclaw?” he asked, looking at me thoughtfully. 

I shrugged. “I do, but… I’ve never been the closest to them. It’s more of a friendship born of sharing a dormitory. I doubt we’ll remain friends beyond graduation.” 

Sirius took a drag from his cigarette. “I am very lucky to have Prongs, Moony and Wormtail. They’re the best friends I could’ve ever asked for, and we really are like brothers. We drive each other batty sometimes, but the vast majority of the time it’s all in good fun.” 

“When’d you meet them, old man?” 

Sirius smiled to himself. “On the train to Hogwarts in first year. We also met Evans then, who was with Snivellus. Of course, Snivellus hated me and Prongs immediately, and we hated him too. Greasy git. We insulted him, though that was only slightly accidental.” 

“And thus began, the greatest rivalry in Hogwarts’ history?” 

He laughed and looked at me, the corners of his eyes crinkling with a genuine smile. “Yes, that’s exactly it, kitten. And I can’t see myself ever not hating Snivelly.” 

“Just like I can’t ever see myself not hating Avery.” 

“Aren’t you glad you have a rivalry with Avery?” 

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Why?” 

“Well, it made me notice you this year. Can you imagine how bloody boring your seventh year would’ve been if we hadn’t started shagging?” 

I laughed. “I concede to you that point, old man. You’ve certainly… spiced up my seventh year.” 

“And your sex life, kitten. Don’t forget that.” 

“Well, of course, old man. How could I dare forget how thoroughly you like to shag me? Oh! How cruel! How insulting! How- dare I say- evil?!” 

Sirius used his free hand to tickle my sides. “You are such a teasing kitten.” 

“What? I can’t let you get away with teasing me. And you’re so fun to tease, you decrepit, senile old man.” 

“Merlin, I’m only eighteen.” 

“Eighteen going on eighty!” 

“You like shagging older men, then? How scandalous, kitten.” 

“And you like shagging girls who are sixty-three years younger than you, old man.” 

“Merlin’s arsehole. You are relentless, aren’t you?” 

“Yeah. Thought you would’ve realised that by now? Or are you a demented old sod too?”

Sirius threw his cigarette butt on the ground and began tickling me with both his sets of fingers, a crazed grin on his face. 

“I surrender! I surrender!” I said, making him cease his attack on me. 

He pushed a strand of dark hair out of his face, lips curled in a smirk. “Did you wet yourself, kitten? I know how you’re always saying you’re in danger of pissing yourself.” 

“Shut up, you incontinent old man. If anyone’s going to be pissing in their trousers, it’s you. I know how old men lose control of their bladders,” I said, poking his chest. 

He leaned in so that his face was closer to mine, raising an eyebrow at me. “You seem to have very intimate knowledge of old men and their habits, kitten. Been loitering around other people’s grandparents?” 

I threw away my own cigarette butt before I began trying to tickle and poke him back. “Ew! No!” 

“Been soliciting old men at family gatherings?” he said, easily dodging my attack.

“NO! Sirius Black, that is disgusting!” 

“You said that I’m old, not me! No need to claw me, kitten.” 

“I stick to blokes my own age, thank you very much.” 

“So you’re admitting I’m not so old?” 

“No! I mean, yes! No!”

“Am I an old man, or what? Make up your mind, kitten.” 

“Teasing old man!” I said, and then we were jostling and trying to tickle each other at the same time, which resulted in neither of us being very effective. We eventually stopped our attack, both of us breathless and grinning from ear to ear. I extinguished my wand light before I undid the spells that I’d cast on the door, but I paused before I opened it, listening for any prefects on patrol, or for Filch and Mrs Norris. 

“All clear, kitten?” Sirius whispered in my ear. 

“All clear, old man,” I whispered back, and then slowly opened the door. The corridor was the same as usual, lit only by the torches on the wall and the moonlight streaming in through the windows. Sirius smacked my arse again on the way out of the broom cupboard, making me chuckle before we grinned at each other as a parting greeting. 

I had taken a few steps down the corridor in the opposite direction from him when Sirius called out to me. “Wait, kitten.”

I turned around. Sirius was watching me, still grinning. “Thank you for that,” he said. 

I returned his grin. “No need to thank me for a birthday gift, old man.”

He let out a bark of laughter, and I couldn’t help but admire how handsome he looked when he was genuinely smiling and laughing like that. “Not just that. Everything. You’re a very fun and entertaining kitten to be around.”

I laid a hand on my chest but my words were sincere. “Thank you, old man. You’re very fun to be around too. And thank you, for preventing my seventh year from being so bloody boring.” 

We grinned at each other. “Anytime, kitten.”

I blew him a kiss and turned away, heading in the opposite direction from him. I had a ridiculous grin plastered on my face, and I couldn’t help but think about how I enjoyed spending time with Sirius, how he always made me laugh, and how I did like our teasing and banter as much as the sex. And I couldn’t wait to see what craziness we would get up to next. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never fear, Sirius will eventually find out that Kersti is a Seer.


	26. Seductive and Senile

Friday morning came with rain lashing the castle windows outside. All of us had a hard time dragging ourselves out from under the covers in the morning, even Lia who was an early-bird. A fair few of the other students were also looking exhausted as we trudged down to the Great Hall. Every year it seemed like as soon as Halloween passed, the students’ energy level decreased drastically because everyone had begun counting down the days until the Christmas holidays, even though that was over a month away. 

“Are you alright, Kersti?” Lia said as the four of us walked down the corridor. 

“Oh, just fine. This is really comfy,” I said, leaning heavily on Tess and pretending to fall asleep. 

Tess laughed and patted my head where it lay on her shoulder. “Aren’t I a brilliant friend?”

“Oh, Theresa, how generous and kind. How much is she paying you?” 

“Come off it,” Tess said, laughing. 

I glared at Emily and Lia in mock-seriousness. “Shut up! I’m trying to have a nap here. Her shoulder is so comfortable.” 

“Oi! Oi, Grindylow!” 

I straightened up and all of us began walking faster, trying to avoid the Gryffindor sixth years who had fallen into step behind us along with the throngs of other students. 

“Grindylow, you smell like rotting fish!” 

I flipped them off over my shoulder which made the five of them guffaw. 

“Bloody boys,” Emily said, shooting them a glare over her shoulder. 

“Look at that mildewy arse.”

“Look, she’s dripping lake water on the floor, mate.”

“Merlin, what’s that smell! D’you smell that?”

“Smell what?”

“It’s fish! It smells like rotten seafood! Merlin, it’s her! She smells like rotten seafood.”

“Piss off!” Tess said over her shoulder. 

The boys laughed and started imitating her as we drew near to the Great Hall. I scrubbed at my face in frustration before I stopped, turning around to face the boys. The five of them nearly crashed into me but managed to somehow right themselves, facing off against the four of us Ravenclaws. 

I affected what I hoped was a casual, elegant air and gave them a bored once-over. “Oh, hello, lads. It’s a shame you don’t appreciate the fact that I’m a sexy grindylow. You know, I do have to strip naked before I hop back into the Black Lake. It’s where I sleep and hang about with my family of other grindylows, I go back there every night. Maybe I was even thinking of inviting some lucky boys along to watch me get naked on the shore. Oh, well. Your loss,” I said and walked away to their sounds of disbelief and surprise. 

Emily raised an eyebrow at me. “Nice strategy?” 

“What? I can’t get them to stop, but if I make it into a positive thing they can’t make fun of me anymore.” 

“Er… Dunno if I would call that positive.”

“What other strategy was going to work? Yelling at them?”

“Worth a shot.”

I paused just inside the doors of the Great Hall when I saw Avery off to one side with Mulciber and Rosier, towering over some nervous-looking first-years. The older boys looked like they were trying to sell something to the younger students, though I couldn’t imagine what. I watched as Avery raised something red up for the first-years to see, and Mulciber and Rosier nodded sternly. I cleared my throat. “Oi, Slytherin scumfuck,” I said. 

Avery looked up and quickly tucked the object into his robe pocket when he saw me. “Oh, look. If it isn’t Grindylow the slag.”

“Go pick on someone less defenseless, Avery. Half the fun is in the fight, didn’t you know?” 

He laughed loudly and pointedly. “I’m not scared of you in the slightest, Grindylow.”

“Really? Maybe you should be. I might have someone helping me plan and execute your demise.”

“And I’ve got a surprise in store for you, Grindylow. Now piss off.”

“Ah, Mr Avery, just who I wanted to see!” Slughorn said as he walked through the doors and noticed the Slytherins. “If you’d come with me, I’d like to have a word about the upcoming Club dinner?” he said, smiling and nodding at the boys. I doubted that Slughorn had interfered because he wanted to break up the fight. It was more likely that he hadn’t even noticed the Ravenclaws on the other side. 

“Yes, of course, sir,” Avery said, going off to walk beside Slughorn. Mulciber and Rosier shot me nasty grins before they set off for their House table, slapping the terrified first-years on the backs with more force than was deemed necessary in a friendly gesture. I flipped the boys off behind their backs before the girls and I set off for the Ravenclaw table. 

“Nice promise you made there,” Tess said. 

“Just don’t get yourself expelled, alright?” Lia said as we all sat down. I waved my hand nonchalantly and was soon distracted by the appearance of the food, and then later the owls, quite a lot of them carrying that morning’s issue of _The Daily Prophet_ in their talons. I was still focussing on finishing my cup of tea when Emily cracked open her copy of the newspaper, scanning the front page and frowning in concentration. 

“Kersti,” she said and I looked up. She was watching me with a sombre expression. “Give this a read,” she said, passing the newspaper across to me and pointing to the front cover. 

As soon as I saw the front page, my stomach dropped. What had caught everyone’s eye first was the photograph, enlarged and showing the life-like people moving about as wizarding photographs did. The people in the photo were clearly Ministry of Magic officials, moving back and forth and talking to each other in front of a Muggle house. And above the roof, the Dark Mark stood out like a green scar in the sky, blotting out the stars and drawing the gazes of the wizards in the photo and mine as I stared at the emerald skull with the snake moving out of the mouth. I scanned down the article which explained that half a dozen families of Muggles had been found murdered in their homes with the Dark Mark floating above, in addition to some other Muggleborn witches and wizards who had vanished in the same night. It added up to what the Ministry of Magic was calling “the deadliest night of this wizarding conflict so far.” I scanned the list of the dead and missing persons feverishly and sighed in relief when I didn’t recognize any of the names listed. No Ridgelows to be found on the list, but I couldn’t help but wish that I could dive into the moving photo and walk into that house to double check who the Muggles were. What if they had misidentified them? What if they hadn’t found all the dead yet? What if my family was next and I didn’t even know it?

“Kersti, are you alright? You’ve gone pale,” Lia said. 

I ran a hand over my face and looked up. “It could be my family next. You know they don’t live very far from London. It could be them I’ll be reading about next on the front page.”

“Maybe you can go to Dumbledore?” Emily offered. 

I let out a breath. “Maybe I’ll give that a shot.”

Tess squeezed my hand. “It’ll work itself out, I’m sure. Come on, let’s get to class.”

“Here, pass me that. No use dwelling on such a tragedy,” Lia said and I handed her the newspaper. 

When we got out of the Great Hall, Emily threw an arm around me. “I reckon the odds are incredibly low that your family would even be harmed, Kersti. And there’s Dumbledore too. If you’re really worried, you can go to him.”

I gave her a tense smile and shrugged her arm off. “Thanks, Em. I think I’ll do that. I’ll see you three later,” I said and dashed up the stairs two at a time. 

I wouldn’t ever feel safe, knowing that my family was out there, defenseless as sitting ducks, even though they likely weren’t on the Death Eaters’ kill list. But it only took one random choice by a Death Eater about whom to kill next, and I’d be reading about them in _The Daily Prophet_. It suddenly occurred to me that if anyone on the wrong side of this war found out that I was a Seer, they could very well go looking for my family first, since I was untouchable while I remained at Hogwarts. Death Eaters going to look for my family for information about me was bound to end in my parents and brother being tortured, kidnapped and then killed, or used as bait to lure me out. All it took would be one slip-up, one mistake that would reveal what I was to the wrong Slytherin, any of the Slytherins, who most likely had Death Eater parents. Someone like Avery or Mulciber might find out that I was a Seer and tell their parents or the wrong sorts of people, and my family would end up tortured and lying dead. Perhaps this realization of the truth had been lurking under the surface for months, for years even, but I’d never acknowledged it. Perhaps it had taken a sharp increase in hostilities against me this year and my haunting dreams and visions to make me realize that while I was safe here at Hogwarts, my family wasn’t. I had the luxury of avoiding the ongoing conflict in wizarding Britain, but my parents couldn’t if the conflict found them first. They were defenseless, Muggles with hardly any knowledge of magical society, helpless in the face of the seasoned Death Eaters who perpetrated mass killings and torturings. They were totally, utterly helpless, but perhaps I wasn’t. I needed to do something about them, give them as much safety as I could, before they were dead next. And if the Death Eaters found them before I did, I wouldn’t be able to do much because I was trapped at Hogwarts. I had to do something, and as soon as I could, or else my family would have to pay the price of my avoidance with their lives. 

I spent that morning in a haze, overcome with worry about my family’s safety. I knew that I needed a plan and that such a plan would take time to come up with, and I also knew that worrying myself sick was not going to help me bring them to safety. I wanted to scream, to rip my hair out. Of all the things which I was supposed to have control over, my family’s well-being should be the simplest, but we were in the midst of a war after all. And sometime during lunch, I came to the awful realization that I already knew what I was going to decide to do. That dream I’d had, the one in mid-October that had made me so angry and helpless that I had lost my temper with Olivia-Rose, it had been a dream about me using magic on my family to protect them. If I had known then, would that have made any difference? Would I have agreed to act out that same future that I’d seen in the dream? What point was there in seeing the future if I couldn’t change what I saw? And what if the dream had been an incorrect prediction, and I was basing my choice in the present upon an unreliable scene? And was there even such a thing as an incorrect or correct dream of the future? Wouldn’t the future simply change depending on the choices made in the present?

It was pointless, endless questions like these and the worrying about my family that made me feel nearly at my wit’s end as the school day drew to a close. I wanted a distraction, and so I spent the Apparition lesson at the end of the day staring at said distraction, who was sitting with Peter, in behind James and Remus. My potential distraction was handsome as always today as he leaned back in his chair, twirling his wand in between his fingers, his black waves perfectly tousled. Sirius might not want to have a romp in bed with me today, but I figured that it was worth a shot to ask him. If he didn’t want to, I’d have to settle for smoking a lot of weed. When our Apparition instructor had her back turned to us, I pulled out a fresh piece of parchment and part of me cringed at how I’d turned into those girls who couldn’t control themselves around Sirius Black, who fawned over and chased after him incessantly. Sighing, I smoothed out the parchment and gripped my quill. 

To the Most Incredibly Sexy Sirius Black, 

I think you owe me after our time in the dormitory bathroom and last night. This evening, my dormitory?

xoxo

Kersti 

I snorted to myself at my audacity, demanding that the heartthrob of Hogwarts owed me a shag, but still I charmed the parchment into a bird and sent it on its merry way across the room. I didn’t want to scare him off, what with making requests of him two days in a row, so I acted like I hadn’t done anything and didn’t turn to look at him. I received a response in the form of a similar paper bird shortly after. 

To the Most Incredibly Sexy Kersti Ridgelow,

Sounds lovely. What time? 

xoxo 

Sirius

I wrote back a note saying that he should be there at 5 o’clock, since Tess had quidditch practice and Emily had Duelling Club, and I was confident that I could convince Lia to make herself scarce for an hour or two. The three of them would tease me about it later, but I considered it an easy price to pay for an excellent distraction from my worries. And Sirius might even shag me so thoroughly that I would be too tired to leave my bed, and in that case I’d fall asleep before the girls could bother me when they got back. 

When 5 o’clock came, I waited outside the entrance to the Ravenclaw Common Room for Sirius, and then we made a mad dash through the Common Room to my dormitory all the while trying not to laugh too hard. When we had shut the door behind us and were standing in the circular dormitory by ourselves, we took a moment to laugh in earnest without fear of being scolded, and I quickly cast the charms over the door. 

“So this is it?” Sirius said, looking around the room. 

“What do you mean, ‘this is it?’” I said, watching him. 

He turned to face me, ceasing his examination of the dormitory. “Not as majestic as the Gryffindor dormitories, kitten,” he said, offering me a cheeky grin. 

“Shut up, old man,” I said and walked over to him, pulling him to me with a hand on his red and gold tie. 

He looked down at me, lips curled in a smirk. “So demanding today, kitten. Are you more horny than usual?”

I wiggled my eyebrows at him. “Yes,” I whispered and then crashed my lips against his. Almost immediately his tongue slid into my mouth and my hands began tearing at his shirt, trying to get it off. I wanted all of him, now, clothes be damned. In my haste I ripped several of his shirt buttons off and he chuckled, drawing his mouth away from mine to slip his outer robes off his shoulders, along with his shirt. 

He looked down, beautiful grey eyes fixed on me. “Kitten, you ripped the buttons off.”

I ran my hands over his chest and abdomen and down to his belt. “I don’t care,” I said and kissed him harder, grappling with his belt and then once I’d done that, I moved onto his zipper. I was about to reach into his trousers to feel his erection when he pulled away. 

“Now, this isn’t fair, kitten. Why’re you still fully dressed?” he said, grinning at me. 

“Do something about it, old man,” I said, making a funny face at him. 

He grinned before he started shoving off my outer robes and struggling with my tie. Sirius paused in his efforts to undress me, looking around the room for a moment. “Which one is your bed? Unless you fancy shagging me in your mate’s bed.”

I kissed him fiercely one last time before I led the way to mine. It was the way that I’d left it this morning, still messy from sleeping. “Come here, old man,” I said, pulling him over to stand at the side of the bed while we finished undressing each other. 

“Shoes, kitten.”

“What?”

Sirius chuckled while he unbuttoned my shirt. “Can’t get your tights off if you still have your shoes on.”

I laughed. “Well, let me do the honours then,” I said and toed them off. 

“Mmm, that’s better,” he said and unzipped my skirt before sliding it down my legs, followed by my shirt. I helped him out by slipping off my tights, bra and knickers, and then I concentrated on his trousers and underwear. When we were finally both naked, I paused for a moment to admire him standing in front of me. 

“Christ, you are so hot,” I said, studying him. 

He grinned as he stared at me just as intensely as I was watching him. “And you are incredibly hot too, kitten.”

I laughed and laid back on my four-poster bed. “No wonder we start notes to each other with ‘the Most Incredibly Sexy.’” 

Sirius came to lay on top of me, his body fitting so well into mine and making me sigh at the skin to skin contact. “There is a very good reason, kitten,” he said, grinning at me for a moment. 

“Come on, old man. Are you going to ravish me or not?” I said. 

He let out a bark of laughter. “Is that a challenge?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Maybe.”

Sirius grinned and crashed his mouth against mine, his tongue slipping inside to move and wrestle with my tongue while he pressed his body down onto me. I sighed, the weight of his body and the feel of his bare skin against mine making me burn up. I raised my legs and wrapped them around him, pulling his hips closer as we kissed so that his erection was nudging my cunt. 

“God, Sirius,” I moaned into our kiss. 

He chuckled and pulled his mouth away. “You’re really worked up today, kitten.”

“Please, touch me.”

“Good thing you sent me that note, yeah?”

“Merlin, yes.” I rolled my hips against his, making his erection touch my cunt more firmly. 

He kissed me one last time before he moved down my body until his face was hovering above my cunt. “This will be number one of three, kitten,” he said, smirking at me from between my thighs. 

“What?”

“I owe you three orgasms, don’t I? Two from in the bathroom, one from yesterday?”

I propped my upper body up on my elbows to meet his gaze. “What’ve you been doing, keeping track?” 

“Yes.” 

“It’s not an exact art, old man.” 

Sirius grinned up at me, his beautiful lips hovering so close to my slit. “It is to me, kitten. And don’t complain too much, you’re the one who’s going to be ravished.” 

I giggled. “Oh, alright, you seductive old man.” 

He rolled his eyes. “Better than senile, kitten.” 

“Seductive and senile.” 

Sirius cocked an eyebrow. “Kitten! You’re not taking my seductive powers seriously? Or Siriusly?” 

“But you’re- ah!” I couldn’t finish that sentence, because he took a finger and drew it up along the length of my dripping centre, finishing by lightly rubbing my clit.

Sirius looked up and offered me a devilish smirk. “Just wait until I’ve got you shaking and moaning, then you won’t be laughing.” 

“I look forward to it and- ahhhhh,” I moaned, feeling him sink a first finger inside me. 

“You like that, kitten?” he asked coyly. 

“Jesus Christ, you- fuck, ohhh,” I groaned as he covered my clit with his mouth, drawing his tongue over it as he twisted his finger inside me. 

He drew his mouth away from me. “More?” 

I sighed. “Yes, fuck.” 

He took my clit into his mouth again for a moment before pulling away. “Like this?” 

“Yes, shit.” 

He put his mouth back on me and sucked on my clit. “And this?” 

I groaned, a hand coming down to tangle in his hair. “Fuck, yes! Don’t ask me every time.” 

Sirius withdrew his mouth from me, casually slipping a second finger inside me. “It seemed to me like you didn’t have confidence in my abilities, kitten.” 

“Ohhh, fuck. Oh, right there.” 

“Not that bad, is it?”

“Fuck, oh, fuck. It’s bloody brilliant,” I said, gripping his soft hair harder. 

“Now that’s what I like to hear, kitten.” 

“Arseho-ohhh, god,” I moaned when he added a third finger and curled all three to rub against my front wall. 

“Yes, kitten. I think your arse is fantastic too.” 

“Arsehole! I meant-ahhhh. Oh, god. Harder. Fuck. Ohhhh,” I cried, my thought process falling away into obscurity as he sank his mouth back onto me, his fingers still inside. 

“No need for name calling, kitten,” he said, lips moving against my cunt. 

“Fuck.” 

He pulled his mouth away entirely to watch my face. “Or I might stop what I’m doing.” 

I groaned and met his gaze, squirming with need. “I take it back. Please, just keep doing whatever you’re doing with your mouth.” 

Sirius grinned widely and twisted his fingers inside me. “Your wish is my command, kitten,” he said and sank his mouth back onto me, and in no time he had me nearing my first orgasm of the evening with his mouth and fingers working at a furious pace. I gripped his hair harder, the other fisting the duvet, and when I came, I felt like I was losing control over my body in the best way possible as my walls fluttered around him and my thighs clenched around his head. 

He chuckled and withdrew his fingers from me, absentmindedly stroking the soft skin of my legs. “Trying to suffocate me with your thighs, kitten?” 

“Oh, shit, sorry!” I said, laughing and raising my head from the bed to look at him. 

“Great way to die though, if I’m being honest,” he said, grinning and parting my thighs a little bit more to give him breathing room. 

I chuckled. “Oh, yeah. I’ll bet.”

He smiled and watched me. “That was one of three, kitten.”

I laughed for a moment and stayed resting on my elbows to watch as he nuzzled the soft skin of my inner thighs. “Was that revenge for teasing you in the broom cupboard?” I asked. 

“Aw, kitten. You know me so well,” he said, looking up at me. 

I chuckled. “Fuck, I shouldn’t’ve done that.” 

He shrugged. “Nothing wrong with a little teasing.” 

“As long as we get what we want in the end.” 

“Exactly, kitten.”

I scooted myself into a sitting position on my bed, watching as Sirius sat up himself, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. He noticed me staring and grinned, running a hand through his hair. “What position do you want?”

I thought about that for a moment before I looked back to him. “Me on top. Do you have a preference?” 

He grinned. “It’s about your preferences today, kitten. Either way I’ll enjoy it.” 

I couldn’t help but laugh. “You certainly will, old man. Or else I’m not doing my job properly.” I moved over on the bed and patted the duvet next to me as an invitation for him to lie down. He got comfortable with his head on my pillow, eyes glued to me as I straddled his hips, and I couldn’t help but stare down at him. 

“D’you reckon my pillow will smell like you?” I said. 

Sirius chuckled and raised his hands to hold onto my hips. “Probably. Merlin, I went barmy when you made my bed smell like you. I’m fairly certain I had a boner the whole time I slept.”

I laughed. “The canine sense of smell?”

He grinned. “Yeah. Smells really bother me sometimes. Well, only if they’re bad.”

“Like you keep saying, I don’t smell bad?”

He shook his head, chuckling. “No, you smell amazing and- oh, fuck,” he sighed as I sank down onto him. 

I moved on top of him slowly at first and he gripped my hips harder. “Sure you’re going to last long enough, old man?”

He groaned, watching me. “Yeah, with sheer willpower. And I had a wank this morning.”

I chuckled but it broke off into a moan as I moved my hips faster and harder. I made sure to lean back, to give me a better angle and to let him see as much as possible of me. “Jesus Christ, you feel so good,” I breathed. 

I heard him let out a shaky breath, hands clutching my body a little harder. “Merlin, you should see the view from down here, kitten. It’s amazing.”

I let out a short laugh before I concentrated on riding him harder. “That’s because I’m- oh, fuck- doing all the work.”

“I know,” he said, groaning as he moved his hands to my arse and moved me faster on top of him, and then in no time a long moan fell from my mouth as I came for the second time. I kept my head tilted back for a moment as my breathing slowed, and then I looked at Sirius underneath me. He was staring up at me, his own breathing fast, his hands still gripping me against his body and his lips parted. He watched me for another moment before he spoke. “I’m not joking, kitten. It’s an amazing view.”

I laughed and moved my hips with him still inside me. “I can tell. It’s a nice view for me too.”

His face broke into a wide grin. “I remember you saying that you like watching me shag you.”

I rolled my hips and he sighed. “I wasn’t lying, old man.”

“Good,” he said, grinning and then thrusting into me. 

“Fuck, do that again,” I moaned, my fingers dropping to rub my clit. 

“This?” he said, smirking and doing it again. 

“Fuck, oh, fuck.” 

“More?”

I gave him a look. “No, not this again. No more revenge teasing.”

He pretended to look innocent. “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about,” he said and thrust into me again, making me cry out. 

“Shit,” I said and rubbed my clit faster. “Please, Sirius.”

“Please, what?” he said and thrust upwards. 

“Please, do that again,” I moaned as my fingers moved over my clit.

He gripped me to him and thrust harder. “Does it feel good, kitten?”

I couldn’t answer his question because I was crying out as I reached my third climax, and he came soon after, thrusting up into me and cursing. When I had regained my breath, I wiped the sweat from my forehead and laughed, looking down at Sirius. 

He raised a dark eyebrow, his chest still rising and falling faster than usual. “What?”

I grinned. “We really get off on teasing each other, old man.”

He grinned back at me. “Like I said, nothing wrong with a little teasing, kitten.”

I stretched my back for a moment and then rolled off him, grabbing my wand where I’d left it on the bedside table. I made sure to cast a contraceptive charm on myself and then a spell to clean us both up. I leaned over and rooted around in my bedside table, finding my smoking stash. 

“Fancy a smoke, old man?”

Sirius grinned in answer and sat up against the headboard of my bed. I handed him one and lit both with my wand before I sat back on my bed facing him. “I’m fairly sure these are spliffs, so they’ve got weed and tobacco in them,” I said, puffing out a lungful of smoke. 

“Best of both worlds,” he said, exhaling his own smoke. “Have you thought about what we’ll be doing to Avery yet?”

I shook my head and coughed. “Some vague ideas. I’ve been thinking more about what things we’ll need to avoid.”

“Such as?”

“Professors, Filch, prefects.”

“Why don’t you just lure him out somewhere, kitten?”

I took another drag. “An empty corridor or something?”

Sirius grinned. “Yeah, something like that. Pity, it’s more fun when there’s an audience, but I can’t think of a way we could prank him in front of other students without being given detentions for the rest of the year.”

I laughed. “You don’t already have that many detentions?”

“No, surprisingly not. But I’ve had far too many this year already.”

“Far too many for a respectable student.”

He gave me a shit-eating grin. “You know that I’m no respectable student. I meant too many to get up to as much mischief as I’ve wanted to. Bloody detentions take up the whole evening.”

I chuckled and we paused to both take drags. “I’ll lure him somewhere, you’ll crawl out of the woodwork, and we’ll hex the shit out of him?”

“Sounds about right, kitten. And hopefully Mulciber and Snivellus are with him.”

“They’ll start having flashbacks to when they came looking for us in Hogsmeade.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.” He grinned at me. “It was from that moment on, I knew for certain you weren’t another boring Ravenclaw.”

I laughed. “At least I disproved you then.”

“And with the sex. You’re not boring at that either.”

I laid a hand on my chest dramatically. “Oh, my heart! Old man, you are so sweet,” I said, making him let out a bark-like laugh. “But, honestly, you are ridiculously good at this whole sex business.” 

He smirked and inhaled from his spliff. “I know. I’ve had lots of practice.” 

“Before I started shagging you, I used to think the girls who raved about you were full of shit, but now I can definitely see what they were talking about.” 

“Aw, kitten. Thank you.” 

I poked his leg, laughing. “Don’t let it get to your head, old man.” 

He looked at me. “You know, kitten, I’m really surprised that you haven’t shagged more blokes at this school. You could have your pick if you wanted.” 

I shrugged and waited until after I’d taken another drag to reply. “I was worrying about other things before, and I didn’t want to lose my virginity to a bloke at school.” 

“When was your first time?” 

“Over this past summer, actually. At the beginning, and I sort of made up for lost time and shagged a few different Muggle blokes before I came back to Hogwarts. I’d had minor flings before then, but I hadn’t properly had sex yet. When did you?” 

He smiled to himself. “Towards the end of fifth year. I’d done my fair share of snogging in broom cupboards, but like you said, I hadn’t properly had sex yet. And then after that, well…” 

“The rest is history,” I said.

He nodded. “And I have since shagged an ungodly amount of girls.” 

“Don’t remind me, it’s so intimidating! I’ve only had a measly four blokes besides you, isn’t that just simply tragic?” 

Sirius laughed. “You’ve done something I haven’t, kitten.” 

“Really? What’s that?” 

“I’ve never shagged a Muggle girl.” 

“And before you, I’d never shagged a wizard. Doesn’t that make you feel special?” 

“Oh, kitten, I think my heart’s about to burst from this sentimental moment. I feel very, very special.” 

We grinned and Sirius handed me his finished spliff before I put both of ours on my bedside table and lit fresh ones for us. “What was your first time like?” 

“Didn’t you know, curiosity killed the cat?” 

I gave him a look, complete with a raised eyebrow. “Did you kill the first girl you shagged? Are you secretly a serial killer?” 

He laughed. “Merlin, I’m just teasing you.” 

“Well, out with it, old man! I’m eagerly awaiting all the dirty details.” 

He sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically. “It was… it was a first time. That is to say, it wasn’t that great. But later, that’s when I got so good at sex.” 

I gasped in mock surprise. “I cannot believe you finally admitted something about you that isn’t perfect!” 

He snorted and gestured to me. “So how was your first time?” 

“Didn’t you know, curiosity killed the dog?” 

“No, it didn’t! That’s not the saying, kitten.” 

“Now I’m pulling your leg, old man. Mine was the same. It wasn’t great and it was a one-night stand, barely knew the bloke. But I came out all right. Well, I didn’t _come_ ,” I said, making us both laugh before we paused to smoke some more.

Sirius looked at me. “I lasted all of three minutes, so don’t feel too bad.” 

“I’ve heard it’s usually like that for blokes the first time round.” 

He shrugged. “Can you blame us? Feels so good to finally have sex, so we don’t last that long.” He gave me a sudden look, remembering something. “Prongs, Moony, Wormtail and I ran into some sixth-year Gryffindor boys today in the hallway, and they asked me if I knew where you went to get into the Black Lake?”

I laughed so hard that I wheezed. “Oh, yeah, that.”

“They said you get naked by the lake every night before you go back to the other grindylows and they were hoping to watch you,” he said, laughing at me losing it. 

“Yeah, I was pulling their legs. They were accusing me of smelling like rotten fish.”

Sirius chuckled. “I told them you were. But they seemed excited to see you getting naked.”

“Just like I’m sure the whole school likes to speculate about what kind of sex we have.”

“Of course, kitten. That’s because all the girls are jealous of you and all the blokes are jealous of me.”

“Oh, how tragic, being so sought-after among the female students,” I said, putting my finished spliff on the bedside table and then poking his legs. 

“It’s not my fault I’m so good-looking,” he said with a cheeky grin and put the finished end of his spliff with mine. “At least the love bite you gave me on Friday was hidden under my shirt.”

I looked at him incredulously. “What? I did?”

He pointed to the juncture of his neck and shoulder, grinning at me. “Yeah, right here.”

I shook my head ruefully. “Sorry about that, I was completely drunk.”

“I was able to hide it. Can’t have the other ladies thinking I’m taken,” he said and winked at me. 

I snorted with laughter and pointed a finger at him. “Could’ve been worse. Could’ve tried to pee on you.”

Sirius’s eyes went wide and he stared at me. “You what?!”

“What if I’d tried to piss on you to mark my territory?” 

Sirius howled with laughter, and now it was my turn to laugh at him losing it. “Kitten, how kinky,” he said once he’d regained his composure. 

“No, it was just a joke!” I said and tickled the bottoms of his feet. 

He jerked away from me violently. “No! Not the feet!” 

I looked at him in surprise. “Oh, I found your true ticklish spot! Your feet!” 

Sirius started wiggling away from me on the bed. “No, stop! You’re not going near my feet!” 

“Get back here, that’s not fair.” He scowled at me but ceased his escape attempt, and I rolled my eyes. “Alright, I promise I won’t tickle your feet.” 

He moved back to his original spot which left his feet exposed and next to me on the bed, and I couldn’t resist not going in for another tickle. 

Sirius stopped me by grabbing both my hands, looking oddly stern. “Kersti, stop. I have put up with enough abuse of my feet from my mates that I will have nightmares if you keep this up. Prongs discovered how ticklish my feet are in first year and has used that against me ever since.” 

“Point taken, old man,” I said and I squeaked when he leaned over to tickle my feet. “Hey! That’s not fair!” 

Sirius laughed. “You never said anything about yours!” 

“Sly old man.” I studied Sirius for a moment as he laughed, stretching and putting his hands behind his head, looking very relaxed in my bed after shagging me. I cleared my throat. “I know that we misjudged each other early on, but I think it’s impossible not to prematurely judge others when you first meet them. I think it’s a fact of life that everyone curates a personal image to deflect attention from the outside world.” He turned his beautiful grey eyes to me but stayed silent as I continued. “For one, I know that I try to project a certain idea of what I’m like, who I am, to those around me as a…”

“Defense method?” he finished for me. 

“Yeah. It’s… that’s why I’m not as close to my dormmates as you’d think,” I said, gesturing to the room. “I reckon they’ve never once seen me for who I truly am, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” Sirius looked down for a moment before he met my eyes again. “Almost everyone who meets me assumes that I hate Muggleborns, that I’m some sort of moronic pureblood lunatic. They see my last name and make their conclusions.”

“Dunno why they would. It’s so obvious to me that you’re not at all like that.” I smiled at him. “You’d have to be rather soft in the head to think that you and Avery could ever agree on anything.”

Sirius laughed. “You didn’t think I was like that.” He paused and looked at me thoughtfully. “It was nice for a change. I haven’t met anyone new recently who didn’t assume they knew what I was like, let alone figured out that I believe the opposite.”

“I let your actions speak for themselves. And I reckon that’s why I stopped thinking that you were only an arrogant arse.”

“What made you think I wasn’t so annoying, kitten?”

I shrugged. “Dunno, can’t say exactly. Somewhere along the line I realized that I liked my seventh-year being shaken upside down, and at that point you’d started growing on me.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet, kitten.”

I made a move to tickle his feet again and he leapt off the bed so fast that I was surprised he stayed upright. I laughed at him looking horrified. “Get out of here, then, since I know about your weakness now,” I said and covered my mouth when a massive yawn wracked me. 

Sirius barked with laughter. “I shagged you so good that you’re falling asleep?”

“Yeah,” I said, stretching slowly and then curling up on my bed. 

I heard him chuckling and moving around as he hunted for his scattered clothes. I felt the best that I had all week not only because of the three orgasms, but also because Sirius was being a phenomenal distraction as always with his teasing and our banter. 

“You’re staying there, kitten?” he said and I heard him slipping on his trousers and the jingle of his belt. 

“Mmm, yes. I’m going to have a cat nap.” He chuckled. “You can see yourself out, old man. I’m not moving from this bed until I’ve regained my energy.” 

“I really wore you out, yeah?” 

“Mmm, yes. Glad I started shagging you.” 

“Glad I convinced you to.” 

“Glad you noticed me in September.” 

“A sexy hellcat like you? How could I not!” 

“Get out of here, you sweet-talking old man.” 

“Aw, kitten. You’re so cold,” he said, laughing. 

“I’m going to sleep.” 

“See you soon, kitten.” 

“Goodbye, you sexy old man,” I muttered and closed my eyes, until a sudden pinch to my arse made me jolt up. Sirius was fully dressed and standing next to my bed, laughing at my surprised expression. “Sirius! Get out of here and stop pinching my bum.” 

He snickered. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Your arse is hanging out in the open.” 

“Get out of here!” I said, laughing and burrowing under the covers to hide my exposed butt. I listened to him chuckling as he walked to the door, and then he was gone, closing the door behind him, leaving me to curl up with my head on the pillow that now smelt like him. 


	27. The War on Avery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want it by Sam Roberts Band

Over the weekend, after much agonizing and deliberating and ruminating, I’d reached the shaky decision to obliviate my family for their own protection. I would have to embark on research about memory charms, and I knew that I would be spending a lot of time sneaking into the Restricted Section in the coming weeks. And with my decision came the stress and the worrying. I was fraught with tension that weekend, ending the days with cramped shoulders and headaches, skipping meals in the Great Hall from the nausea, barrelling through the Forbidden Forest and gouging tree trunks with my claws. On Monday, I awoke after a night of terrible sleep with what felt like years of repressed anger flowing through me. I felt as though my anger was rising in me, drowning me from the inside out, making me a puppet to its whims. And I wanted it to. I wanted to do something, anything, to get my mind off the terrible thing that I would have to do to my family, and I wanted an outlet for my anger and desperation. I knew that I would suffer a tremendous deal after I had obliviated my family, and I was already experiencing a fraction of that agony since I’d reached my decision. I wanted to take my anger out on someone, and I knew exactly who would be the victim this time around. 

The girls remarked once on our way down to breakfast that I was acting out of sorts, but they left it alone when they realized that trying to shake me out of my foul mood was futile. I drank a cup of tea for breakfast, glaring at Avery, Mulciber and Snape who were sitting with the other Slytherins, trying to hold back from leaping over the table and clawing him while he ate. I wanted to humiliate him in front of everyone like he’d done to me, but I had to bottle it up. I didn’t exactly want to be caught breaking the rules. I reckoned that if for whatever reason Sirius didn’t fancy getting revenge on Avery today, I’d do it by myself anyway. He could help me next time if he didn’t want to help me today. 

I decided that I could lure away Avery at the very least after Potions in the morning, and I would simply show up to lunch in the Great Hall late, and Avery would be skipping his lunch that day. I didn’t know if I’d put him in the Hospital Wing, but either way he’d be incapacitated. It would be more difficult for me if Mulciber and Snape went with Avery when I lured him away to some darkened, deserted corridor, but that was where I was hoping Sirius would help me. All throughout morning classes, I made sure to give Avery as many nasty looks and rude gestures as possible without being noticed, and to glare at him openly from across the class. I knew that this would both rile him up and make him focus on me, because he was a vain bastard. I absolutely needed him to be focused on me when I ducked down a corridor alone, because if he weren’t, he wouldn’t follow me. He could think whatever he wanted about why I was suddenly paying him so much attention- I didn’t care- as long as he acted in the way that I’d anticipated. 

I chose to meet up with Emily, Lia and Tess outside the Potions classroom, and as they chatted amongst themselves, I forced myself to openly stare at Avery. After spending the morning paying him more attention, I could practically see him puffing his chest and hear his self-centered thoughts bouncing around in his thick skull. He would probably allow himself to be lured away since he was becoming convinced that I was going to throw myself at his feet and ask him to shag me, or some other twisted fantasy like that. What an insufferable arsehole. The only other thing that needed to be done was to let Sirius know that I was planning on getting vengeance today. 

Avery turned away from Mulciber and Snape to flash me a smarmy grin, and I swallowed my pride and stared at him. He grinned even wider and when he went back to talking with his friends, I turned my attention away from him to look for the Marauders. My eyes quickly found them standing across the corridor from me. Lily and James were having some sort of animated discussion, both grinning at each other, while Remus was reading a book and Peter was trying to have a conversation with Sirius. He was clearly failing at keeping Sirius’s attention, because I realized that Sirius was staring at me and had been the whole time as he leaned against the wall, his hands in his pockets. I met Sirius’s eyes and he flashed me that charming smile of his and a wink. Peter was babbling on, oblivious to the fact that Sirius was more focused on me. I held his gaze and nodded my head in the direction of Avery. Sirius looked briefly at Avery and then back to me, and I grinned at him and drew my finger across my throat. I reckoned that Sirius knew me well enough now that he would know what this meant, and I assumed he did because his face broke into a wide grin and he wiggled his eyebrows at me. I laughed and blew him a kiss before I turned my attention back to Avery. 

I continued to ogle Avery in Potions class as much as I could without ruining the draughts that we were brewing and without setting myself on fire. When class was finished, I made sure to stare extra hard at Avery as I took much longer than usual to gather my things together, telling the girls to go to lunch without me. Of course my plan worked, and Avery seemed unable to stop ogling me. Good. I needed him to have tunnel vision right now. I was one of the last students to leave the class, and as I slipped out the door I saw Avery, Mulciber and Snape lingering in the corridor. I locked eyes with Avery as soon as I came out and I turned to walk slowly down the corridor, seeing Avery and Mulciber move to follow me. Snape looked like he was too distracted with burying his greasy nose in a badly worn Potions textbook to take part in stalking me. Sirius would be disappointed, but there was always next time. Instead of taking the usual route to get out of the Dungeons, I went down a different corridor, going further into the dank corridors under the castle. I listened to Avery and Mulciber’s footsteps behind me, and I hoped that it would come as a terrible shock to them to be ambushed in their own snake pit, seeing as the Slytherin Common Room and dormitories were down here. It was a bold move, attacking them in their home territory, and I loved it. 

When I decided that I had gone far enough into the maze of corridors down here, far enough away that me and Sirius wouldn’t be caught, I stopped. I wanted to think that I was scared of them because if they got cocky, they would let their guard down and then I would pounce. It was easy, like stalking a deer, waiting and watching, my stripes hiding me in the tall grass, and then springing out to take down my prey. I pretended to shiver and wrapped my arms around myself. 

“Well, well. Look who it is,” Avery said behind me. “I think you’re lost, Grindylow.” 

I slowly turned around to face him and Mulciber, who cackled at the sight of me looking so scared. “Poor, sad little Grindylow, all alone down here with no one to help,” Mulciber drawled. 

I said nothing. “What’s the matter, Grindylow? Cat got your tongue?” Avery said, taking a step closer to me. 

“I’m… I’m not scared of you,” I said, pretending to stammer and look around worriedly. 

Avery laughed. “Really? I think you are.”

As they stepped nearer to me, I realized that I needed me and Sirius to be on the same side and not attack the two Slytherins from opposite ends of the corridor because we might hit each other with our spells. I began inching in a circle around Avery, who seemed to not notice what I was doing because he was too busy laughing and making fun of me with his friend. 

“Look at this, mate. First time anyone’s seen a scared Grindylow, I reckon.”

“That’s because she’s all alone, no one to help her. We’ve got her cornered and she knows it.”

“Isn’t that right, Grindylow? Nowhere to run now.”

I managed to skirt Avery and Mulciber until my back was facing the end of the corridor that I’d come from, where Sirius would be joining me. We all drew our wands, Avery and Mulciber rolling up their sleeves as I tossed my bookbag aside. “We won’t go easy on you because you’re a girl, Grindylow,” Mulciber said, leering at me. 

I stared at them and pushed my sleeves up my elbows, hunching my shoulders in what I hoped would come off as fearful body language, as if I were a turtle trying to hide in my shell. 

“For once I didn’t have to make you shut up, Grindylow,” Avery said, taking a step closer to me. “Why don’t you use that pretty little mouth of yours?” 

I snarled but said nothing and from down the corridor behind me I heard footsteps. 

“Any last requests, Grindylow? Any final words?”

I stood my ground as the footsteps drew closer.

Avery rolled his eyes. “Maybe this will get you to talk.” He gave me a nasty smile. “I managed to trick some poor, innocent little first-years into buying your hair.” 

“What?!” I said with more interest than I wanted to show. 

He grinned. “You made me quite the profit. Six Galleons, for one lock of your hair, Grindylow. Nicked some of it before the professor could clean it off the floor and we convinced the first-years it was the hair of a rare type of grindylow that only lives in the Black Lake.”

Mulciber sniggered. “’Course we used some… extra magical help to convince them.”

“Why am I not surprised that you would stoop that low?” I muttered, clenching my wand. 

“Lovely little surprise, innit?” he said, advancing another step towards me. “Any final pleading?”

I straightened up and discarded the fearful body language that I’d adopted and they both did a double take. “Never, you disgusting fuck. And I’m not scared of you.”

They laughed. “You’re making a mistake, Grindylow,” Mulciber said, pointing at me. “I can do to you what I did to Macdonald.”

Sirius snorted with laughter as he came to stand beside me. “Bloody stupid gits, picking a fight with more powerful students, huh?”

Avery’s face twisted into a nasty expression. “Couldn’t stand to let your little bird out of your sight, Black?” 

Sirius laughed. “Can’t let her have all the fun in ruining your life, Avery.”

“Ruining my life? So this is what this is all about, Grindylow?” Avery said, turning his gaze to me. “Enlisted the help of the filthy blood traitor in trying to take me down?”

“Shut your mouth, Avery,” Sirius growled. He’d gone very still, like a hunting dog that had caught the scent of his prey. 

Avery laughed, still staring at me. “Told you he wasn’t worth much, Grindylow.”

I laughed, twirling my wand between my fingers casually. “Oh, Avery,” I said in a sickly sweet voice. “Didn’t you know that there’s always a price to pay when you mess with the tiger?”

He scoffed. “And what’s that?” 

“You get the claws,” I said and cast the first jinx their way, with Sirius following it up a moment later with his own. 

“Fucking blood traitor, can’t stand to take on a pureblood by yourself?” Avery yelled at Sirius as he countered with his own spell. 

“Why isn’t precious Potter here to help you, Black? Settling for Grindylow now?” Mulciber yelled. I cast a shield charm in front of me and Sirius to block their spells before they could hit us. 

“Fuck you! I could take on both of you in my sleep and your greasy friend Snivellus!” Sirius yelled back as he tried to hit Mulciber with a hex. 

Avery cast a surprisingly good shield charm in front of him and Mulciber, causing our spells to fizzle away when they reached the shimmering surface. The shield faded, leaving me and Sirius facing Avery and Mulciber, all of us breathing hard. 

“No wonder you got disinherited, Black,” Avery spat. “Everyone else turned out just fine, but you? Soft in the head, a mudblood fucker.”

Sirius fired a hex at Avery so fast that I didn’t have time to react, but Avery had been expecting this response and deflected it. Before Mulciber and Avery could hit either of us with other hexes, I threw up a shield charm which stopped the magic from hitting us. 

“Your lovely cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa turned out fine, so did little Regulus. Did your precious mother drop you on your head as a baby?” Avery yelled at Sirius. 

I cast a hex at Avery which missed its mark and Mulciber laughed. “Your dear Mummy won’t even speak your name at the gatherings, practically kills anyone who says anything,” Avery said, a crazed look on his face as stared at Sirius. “Filthy blood traitor, a disgrace to the Black family and a failure to boot.”

I felt sick. Encouraged by Mulciber’s shrill laughing, and knowing that his words would do far more damage to Sirius than any spells could, Avery opened his mouth again to taunt Sirius and I hit him with the jelly-legs jinx. The Slytherin’s legs gave out underneath him and he fell to the floor, and I quickly hit Mulciber with the knockback jinx. I quickly looked to Sirius. He was shaking with anger, his wand clenched in his fist so hard that his knuckles were white, a vein standing out on his forehead. Before he could take a step forward, I grabbed his arm and held him back. He looked absolutely crazed and I didn’t want him to go too far in his blind rage. While Avery and Mulciber were struggling to rise, I disarmed both of them, their wands flying out of their reach. I cast the stinging jinx on both boys while they struggled to get to their wands and as I gripped Sirius’s arm harder to hold him back. I advanced towards the Slytherins who were struggling to rise, pushing Sirius so that he was standing behind me. I stood over Avery and Mulciber, crossing my arms over my chest. 

“A promise is a promise, Avery. And this is only the beginning of ruining your life,” I spat at them and then stood back as they scrambled up, grabbing their wands and giving up the fight altogether, running away down the corridor. I waited for a long moment until they were gone, the adrenaline leaving my body. I didn’t feel any better, not when getting revenge had been at the cost of Avery taunting Sirius with what I suspected was the part of his life that he hated most. I rubbed my face, tucked my wand back into my pocket and grabbed my bookbag from the floor before I turned around to face Sirius. 

He was standing there, his face twisted in anger, his mouth a hard line, his hackles raised. Every part of his body screamed tension, and for the first time I thought that I should be a bit afraid of him like almost everyone else was. He was staring at me, eyes steely. “Go on, why don’t you ask me about my family like I know you want to,” he snapped at me. “Want to think of me as a failure and a disgrace too?”

I stared at him, seeing all the anger and tension, seeing his stony expression and how he was still clenching his wand by his side. I felt sad for him then. It wasn’t his fault that he’d been born into what must be one of the worst wizarding families in Britain, it wasn’t his fault that his family was largely composed of raving-mad blood purists. And at Avery’s taunts, he was livid. I’d never seen him like this before and I realized that he was doing what I so often did as well: taking the anger out on the person at hand. I met his eyes and I wished that I could take away this pain from him. I said nothing. 

Sirius snarled at me. “What?” he spat, unnerved by my silence. 

I let out a breath, eyes never leaving his, and my voice was gentle when I spoke. “No, I don’t want to ask you, and I won’t. It’s your choice if you want to tell me about it, and I won’t force you because I respect your privacy. No one should be forced to divulge their deepest, darkest secrets against their will. The only reason I know now is because of this… incident, and I shouldn’t’ve found anything out until you were ready to tell me about it yourself.” I smiled softly at him, even as he continued to stare at me. “I would know, because I’ve got secrets that I’m not ready to share yet either. And there’s nothing wrong with that, Sirius. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to or if you’re not ready. It’s your choice, and I hope you understand that I respect that. I respect you.” 

Sirius stared at me for a long moment, the tension disappearing from his body as my words sank in. We watched each other, and though there were a few strides that separated us, I felt that in all this time I’d never been closer to him. He wasn’t looking at me like he usually did, as if he were trying to undress me with his eyes, but as if I were all that he could see in that moment, the most fascinating and captivating thing ever. I stared back at him, holding his gaze. Everything about Sirius was easy to look at, from the good looks to the long, dark hair to the beautiful grey eyes that always caught and lured me in, but now that I’d seen this side of him, I was observing him in a different light. I wasn’t seeing him like the rest of the school did, as the heartthrob, the unattainable player; I was seeing him as someone who had gone through hell, who had burdens that he hid so well behind his personal image. He was vulnerable in this moment and, for better I hoped, I was seeing him like this. There’d been glimpses of this inner self that had peeked through in the times that I’d spent with him already, but not like this. This pain, this burden, this suffering, it made him more human to me in the best way possible. I knew what hiding pain was like, I did it every day. 

I couldn’t look away, not when I felt like I had taken a leap towards knowing who Sirius was inside. And as we continued to watch each other, I realized that I wanted to know who he was. I wanted to know this vulnerable side of him, if he would ever let me. But he wouldn’t, I knew that. This had been an accident, an unhappy occurrence for him, and this damaged, pained side of him was reserved for James, Remus and Peter. I had no business seeing this, as much as I wanted to. I was shaky under the weight of his gaze and I looked down. I felt drained of all my energy, and so I kept my gaze on the ground as I walked by him down the corridor, retracing my steps. I felt guilty that I’d caught him unawares, invaded his privacy, and pushed the boundaries farther than he would surely want. I walked faster, reaching the Potions classroom corridor. It was silent, all the students eating lunch in the Hall, and I turned the corner and walked quickly towards the stairs. 

“Kersti! Wait!”

I paused, listening to Sirius jogging to catch up with me. I managed to turn around to face him when he’d reached me. He was watching me, his features soft. “Kersti, I…”

I gave him a small smile as he trailed off. He cleared his throat. “Thanks.” I shrugged. “Thanks for not forcing me.”

I smiled at him. “Takes one to know one, old man,” I said. 

We fell into step together as we walked towards the staircase. He was still fixated on me as we walked and I felt the colour rising in my cheeks at the intensity of his stare. It was a beautiful, frightening thing to have Sirius Black drinking me in with his gaze. 

I cleared my throat. “Snog, marry, kill: McGonagall, Dumbledore, Slughorn?”

He laughed and drew his gaze from me, and instantly the mood was lightened from the sombre, intensely personal one that had been lingering over us. “That’s… those are some horrific choices, kitten.” 

I gave him a cheeky grin. “I know. A special kind of torture, thinking about that. What’ll it be, old man?” 

“You don’t like making it easy for me, kitten.” 

“No fun in that.” 

He gave me a quick pinch to my arse and I jumped in surprise, making him laugh. “Er… Merlin, I think I would… snog McGonagall. Marry Dumbledore of course, he’s a powerful wizard and we need him around right now. So kill Slughorn?” 

I laughed and turned to look at him as we climbed the stairs. “We do need to keep Dumbledore around, can’t have you killing him.” 

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and turned to stare back at me. “My turn.” He thought about it for a moment as we reached the top of the stairs and went along towards the Great Hall. “Snog, marry, kill: Avery, Mulciber, Snivellus.” 

I stopped dead and stared at him in the corridor. “No! That’s impossible! They’re all terrible!” 

Sirius grinned. “No fun in going easy on you, kitten.” 

“But-” 

“But what?” 

“Yours was so much easier!” 

He shrugged, hands in his pockets. 

“Fine. Er… Fuck, Sirius! This is impossible! Can’t I choose to kill all of them?” 

“No,” he said and laughed at my expression. 

“Fuck! I can’t snog or marry one of them!” 

“Hurry up, kitten.” 

I stared at him in shock before I began tickling and poking him in his sides.

“Oi, no attacking me!” 

“You gave me an impossible one!” 

“It’s not impossible. Highly unpleasant, yes.” 

“Sirius!” 

“What?” he said, barking with laughter. 

“Give me a new one.” 

“Nope.” 

I stopped attacking him and crossed my arms over my chest, pouting at him. “Sirius…” I whined. He raised an eyebrow, grinning. “Sirius, please? Please, I don’t even want to think about it.” 

He shook his head, making his dark waves bounce. 

“Sirius Black, please, please, please, do not make me choose between Avery, Mulciber and Snivellus,” I groused. “You’ll make me cry and permanently lose my appetite.” 

He laughed, grey eyes twinkling. “Kersti Ridgelow, hurry up and make your decision.” 

I threw my hands up in the air, which only made him laugh harder. “Fine!” I scrubbed my face. “Kill Avery, snog Mulciber, marry Snivellus.” 

Sirius started laughing so hard that he wheezed. “Merlin!” 

I began jostling and poking him again. “Stop laughing at me, you arse,” I scolded him, but the effect was marred when I laughed too. His laughter was contagious.

Sirius fended off my attacks and laid a hand on each of my shoulders, looking down at me. “Kitten, that was bloody hilarious, thank you for that.” 

I made an angry face at him and he raised his hands to gently pinch my cheeks. “Oh, come on. No need to be a sore loser.” 

I scrunched up my face even more, but all he did was chuckle. He put his fingers at the corners of my lips and pushed my mouth upwards so that I was forced to smile. “See? Now you’re finding it funny too.” 

I met his gaze and took both his hands in mine to lower them from my face. “You’re a silly, goofy dog,” I said, laughing and shaking my head. 

“And you can’t get enough of me, kitten,” he said, chuckling. As we watched each other, his hands still clasped in mine, I knew that we had taken a leap towards knowing each other better, and that Sirius was willing to see how this odd friendship would pan out. I wanted him to eventually tell me about his family, but I would wait for however long he needed to feel comfortable to do so. I respected him and I would never force him into telling me. I couldn’t help but smile at him, thinking about how he had turned out to be so much more amazing and funny and fascinating than I had originally considered him to be, and perhaps it was my gift of Sight telling me this, but I knew that he was thinking the same thing about me. I felt lucky that I could find out a little more about him every time that we were together. 

“Come on, we’ll miss lunch, old man,” I said, letting go of his hands. 

“Lead the way, kitten,” he said, grinning. 

As we drew closer to the Great Hall, I realized something. “We’re going to make a big scene, entering late and with each other.”

“Just ignore it, kitten. You’ll need to get used to it if you want to be frequently seen in public with me.”

I laughed and shoved him playfully. “Goof.”

“Fancy eating lunch with me and the boys? Evans usually eats with us too because of Prongs.”

I grinned back at him. “Lead the way, old man.”

The moment that Sirius and I stepped through the doors, heads snapped our way and the whispering and staring began. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the girls ogling him all along the Gryffindor table as we made our way to where the boys and Lily were sitting. “You’re the closest Hogwarts has got to a celebrity. Or maybe royalty would be a better term,” I said. 

Sirius shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. “It got bothersome very quickly, especially because it’s even worse when Prongs and I are together.”

“I can imagine. I’ve only been noticed since the school found out that we’re shagging each other, and it’s already gotten to be a bit much.”

He flashed me a half-smile. “You do a good job of staying stoic, kitten.”

“I think the extra attention and gossip about me has been more than worth it,” I said and we grinned at each other. 

“Oi! Padfoot! You finally turned up!” James called out when we approached their spot at the table. I’d probably get scolded for sitting at the Gryffindor table by Flitwick since students were supposed to stick to their own House tables, but I didn’t care. 

Lily looked up from her plate and smiled at me. “Where’d you two run off to after class?” she said knowingly. 

Sirius and I grinned as we sat down across from Lily and James. “Only some urgent mischievous business to take care of,” Sirius said. 

James leaned forward in his seat eagerly. “Avery? Mulciber? Snivellus?”

Sirius shook his head. “Not Snivellus.”

James raised an eyebrow. “He had his greasy nose stuck in a textbook, he didn’t follow me down the side corridor like the other two,” I said. 

An alarmingly sinister cackle burst from Peter. “What’d you do to them, Padfoot?”

“Yeah, mate, what hexes did you use on them?” James asked. 

From my spot across from Remus, I saw him frown and take a sudden extreme interest in his goblet. 

Sirius grinned as we started grabbing some lunch before it all vanished. “I think I used  _ furnunculus _ , the bat-bogey hex, a few others. Can’t remember exactly.”

“Did you contribute at all, Grindylow? Or just stand there and watch?” Peter said in a smarmy voice.

I glared at him and refrained with great difficulty from mentioning that he was clearly jealous that his mate had abandoned him to stir up trouble with me. I’d imagine that Peter was a piss-poor bloke to take on a vengeance prank. He’d probably only stand on the sidelines, simpering and cheering for his friends. “Yes, Pettigrew,” I said with particular venom in his last name, “I contributed a fair deal and the whole bloody plan was my idea.”

Sirius nodded. “She was the brains behind the operation, Wormtail. I was merely her assistant.”

“And her enabler,” Lily muttered. 

“Evans, you’d deny her the pleasure of getting revenge? She earnt the right to prank Avery,” Sirius said calmly. 

“I’m just glad I wasn’t there,” she said and turned her attention back to her meal. 

James looked at Lily. “Er… try not to make a habit of getting revenge like that. You hear me, Stripes?” he said, smiling at me. At least he was having some success with shaping up his act.

I smirked. “May it be so, King Rotter.”

James pointed his fork at me. “Now, that’s a great way to address me, Stripes. Please, continue.”

I laughed. “King of what, exactly? Being a dork? Smelling like broom polish?”

Sirius burst out laughing. “Blimey, Prongs. Now that’s a backhanded compliment.”

Remus chuckled. “He set himself up for that one,” he said, looking up at me. 

“So you’re saying that I deserve to be insulted, Moony?” James joked. “How cruel! I thought you were my friend?”

“Is this a theatre, Prongs? Why’re you being so dramatic?”

“His drama is nothing compared to Avery,” I said. “That disgusting scumfuck took my hair that he made fall out and tricked some first-years into buying it.”

Lily choked on her tea. “What? How? When?”

“That’s properly creepy, kitten,” Sirius said. 

“He and Mulciber did it, said they used ‘extra magical help’ to convince them last week,” I grumbled. 

“Good thing you got even, Stripes.”

“I knew that he was a greasy bastard, but still…” Remus muttered. 

“Manky Slytherins.”

“Will you be getting revenge for that too?” Lily asked me, trying to disguise the curiosity in her voice. 

I nodded. “Dunno how yet.”

“You should sell someone’s hair, like he did,” Remus said softly, tracing the detailing on his goblet with a finger . 

“Fight fire with fire, yeah?”

He nodded. “Whose hair would even be valuable enough to sell?” James said, reaching a hand up to ruffle his mop of jet black hair. 

Peter giggled. “Yours, Padfoot.”

Sirius looked up from his meal with a start. “What?!” he said, fork halfway to his mouth. 

“I wonder how much your hair is worth, old man?” 

He abandoned his food and turned to look at me, horrified. “No, kitten! Don’t even say that!”

“Rather valuable, wouldn’t you say, Padfoot?” James said, smiling at him impishly. 

“No! Prongs! Not you too!”

“Yeah, and yours would be valuable too, Rotter. I’d make at least triple what Avery did if I sold hair from the both of you,” I said. 

James’s hands flew up to cover his hair as if it were going to detach itself and fly away at any moment. “No! You are not going anywhere near my hair, Grindylow!” he hissed, looking panicked. 

Lily and I laughed. “Please? Pretty please with chocolate frogs on top?” I said, clasping my hands together in a mock-prayer. 

James splayed his hands on his head. “NO!” he said so loudly that he startled the students sitting next to us, making them glance his way. 

“He’s always held his hair very near and dear to his heart,” Lily said, smiling at her beau. 

Sirius scoffed. “That is a gross understatement, Evans.”

“It’s his prized possession,” Remus said. 

“Can you blame me? I’m rather fond of my hair and I’m not ashamed to admit that, even if the lot of you are,” James said, turning his nose up in the air at the rest of us. 

“I wish I had your hair, Prongs,” Peter said, looking enviously at his better-looking friend.

James gave him a clap on the back. “There’s a good mate, Wormtail.”

Sirius snorted with laughter. “Takes half a bloody hour in front of the mirror every morning.”

James ruffled his hair again. “You overexaggerate, Padfoot.”

“I think your hair is lovely, James. I always have,” she said and turned red. 

“If it’s good enough for you, Lily, then it’s good enough for me.”

“Either way, you’d never let me get close to your head, Rotter,” I said. “I think I’d have a lot better luck convincing you,” I added to Sirius. 

Sirius’s eyes went wide. “Merlin, help me! My hair!” 

I laughed. “At least one girl from the barmy masses would buy your hair, old man. I can guarantee it.”

“You should cut off the sections that hang right next to his face,” Remus said. “You could charge a premium for them.”

“That’s a great point, Remus.” I raised a finger to lift up the end of the curl of black hair that brushed his shirt collar. “This is worth much more than mine.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and blew out a breath from between his lips. “I feel like a piece of meat being sized up.”

“You want me to eat you? How kinky,” I said, grinning at him and lowering my hand. 

He raised an eyebrow at me but couldn’t help the wry smile that twisted his lips. “You are something else, kitten.”

“I know.”

As the boys fell to discussing the next quidditch match of this season, Sirius leaned in to speak softly in my ear. “Thanks for letting me help you, kitten.”

I turned to grin at him. “Thanks for helping, old man.”

His face broke into a wide smile as his eyes lingered on me. “Let me know when you’re planning the next one and I’ll be there.”

I grinned at him in response. Sirius chuckled to himself before he turned back to his friends and I took a moment to study him. In the physical sense, he was still so handsome and perfect and he hadn’t changed at all, and yet I felt like I was looking at him with fresh eyes. I’d only briefly seen the vulnerable side of him, but it had opened up a deeper level of him to me, like diving farther into a pool in search of the bottom. I wanted to discover all the depths of who he was as a person and hopefully sometime in the future he would let me. With Sirius, I could never predict how he’d shake up my life, but for the first time it felt possible that I could one day tell him about my secrets and all the parts of me that I tried to hide, and that at least was something to look forward to in the grim days that lay ahead for me. 


	28. A Dream and a Distraction

The dream came into focus for me slowly, like swimming up from the depths of a pool in search of air, the faces that were looking down at my ascension blurred through the lens of the water. But when I could see everything, down to the tiny details, it was like being thrown into icy water when I saw the dream unfolding before me. I was standing in someone’s bedroom, a man’s bedroom, a sort of ghost in the corner as I watched the future actions taking place. The room was neat, save a few clothing articles tossed here and there, black pants slung over an armchair in the corner, a bra on the floor beside the bed, a black leather jacket hanging from a hook on the door. Slowly, I turned my focus to the bed in the room. It was flanked by a bedside table with two wands on it and my heart thundered in my ears when I saw the wands. As if I were moving underwater, I turned my head to watch the two people in the room who were lying in bed under the blankets, but the bedsheets were not enough to conceal whom I was watching. I felt sick. Heads on a pillow each, lying face to face as they talked and laughed, slightly older and very much in love, were me and Sirius. 

I wanted to run away but I couldn’t. I was at the mercy of this dream and automatically I stepped closer to the bed until I was standing at the edge of it, staring desperately at the Sirius and Kersti of the future. Judging from the clothes on the floor they were both naked under the bedsheets. It felt wrong, seeing such an intimate moment, but I could do nothing but stare. 

“Did you have any dreams?” Sirius said, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “I wasn’t woken by any thrashing in the night.”

She smiled and blinked slowly. “No, no dreams. Slept like a baby. Must’ve been the firewhiskey.”

Sirius laughed, a rich, full sound. “Maybe a little too much last night.”

Future Kersti reached a finger out to poke the tip of his nose. “I reckon it was the perfect amount. Enough to relax, not enough to get in the way of sex.”

He smiled and laid a hand on her cheek, rubbing his thumb over the skin. “That was a really good shag last night, kitten.”

She laughed. “It’s always good, old man. Or almost always good. Either way, I’m not complaining.”

He chuckled and leaned in to share a lingering, tender kiss before pulling her into his arms to cuddle closer. I watched the two of them, intertwined in bed, happiest when they were with each other in these quiet, intimate moments. 

“Last night was nice. Nice to have a night here, just the two of us, nowhere we have to rush off to,” she murmured. 

“Mmm, yeah,” Sirius hummed into her hair. “I knew your poor quiet self would want a night in.”

She laughed and drew back enough to meet his eyes. “Especially with how busy and stressed we’ve been.”

“And heading to Prongs and Lily’s place tonight.”

Kersti chuckled. “That too. I got you all to myself last night and now I have to share.”

Sirius smiled and drew her back into his arms again, pressing kisses to the top of her head and smoothing her hair. “I’d imagine Lily feels the same.”

“She’s more social than I am though. And she has more energy.”

The future Sirius and Kersti lapsed into silence, not needing words and being content to hold each other close, skin to skin in the morning light. I stood there at the edge of the bed, my eyes glued to them. I felt like a dirty peeping Tom from the future, watching this couple’s moment unfold without their permission. It felt like not only an invasion of my future-self’s privacy, but more importantly of Sirius’s. Present-me hadn’t earnt the right to see him like this, trusting and tender, dark hair tousled from sleep. Seeing this felt wrong, perverse. What would present-day Sirius say if he knew the sorts of intimate dreams that I had of him, of a future with me that might come to fruition? The dream was akin to reading someone’s diary without their permission, or invading their mind to pluck their thoughts right out of their head. I hated it and it made me miserable beyond belief.

“Should I get them a bottle of elf-made wine?” she mumbled into Sirius’s neck.

“Get a Muggle bottle, I think Lily would appreciate that more,” he said, caressing her bare arm. 

“Good idea. You always have the best ideas.”

“I know, kitten.”

“Is anyone else coming? Or just the usual group of us?” 

“Just the usual.”

Future-me propped herself up on an elbow to look down at Sirius, who had his head on the pillow, his eyes closed. She brushed away a ringlet of dark hair from his forehead and leaned in to nuzzle and kiss his face. 

“Mmm, what’s this for, kitten?” Sirius said, his lips quirking up but not opening his eyes. 

“No reason. I just like kissing your face,” she said, smiling and then placing a kiss on the tip of his nose. 

“I like kissing your face too.”

“Well, isn’t that a relief.”

Sirius smiled and opened his eyes. “You couldn’t believe otherwise, I kiss you too much.”

“No such thing as too much kissing,” she said, stroking a finger over his cheekbone. 

He smiled and they shared a sweet kiss. “Best way to wake up,” he said softly, looking up at her. 

“Definitely the best way,” she said, cupping his face with a hand and lying back down. 

Sirius wrapped his arms around future-Kersti’s waist and rolled them so that his face was planted firmly in between her breasts. She laughed and buried her fingers in his hair. “And this is a good way for you too, old man.”

He muttered some indistinct affirmation, the sound lost with his mouth against her skin, and both of them chuckled. Future-me was smiling widely, looking happier than I could imagine me being. I turned away from them in the dream, my shoulders beginning to shake with sobs. I didn’t want to see this, to see a happy future that couldn’t be farther from my reality. I felt gross for observing a private moment and miserable for being taunted by a happy vision of me and Sirius. I wanted this dream to end. I buried my face in my hands, trying to claw myself up from the depths of this scene. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I woke up, alone. My body was a fragile shell, holding only sadness and pain. The dream flashed through my mind, like the image of me and Sirius in bed had been burnt into my retinas, into my brain. I sat up in bed and I wanted to claw the memory of the dream out of my head, it tormented me so. Why couldn’t I have seen a glimpse of someone else’s future? Or even a different scene from mine? Anything but this emotional torture, this teasing me with a happy dream that was only that, that was only a fleeting dream. It haunted me. I hunched over in my bed and buried my face in my hands as the sobs wracked my body. I couldn’t be foolish enough to put my hopes in such a future coming to fruition, not when I could be making incorrect predictions. All I could do was try to forget about it, to bury it in the recess of my mind and to distract myself with other things. 

I avoided Sirius that day. I felt too weird, too perverted to spend time with him, to look into his eyes and know that I had seen his future-self in bed and in love with me. I felt like a lech and I needed space from him to repress the dream from which I’d only just woken up that morning. I stuck to talking and waiting outside classes with the girls that day, going back to eating meals at the Ravenclaw table. I waved to Lily and blew Sirius a saucy kiss from across the corridor since I didn’t want them to think that I was being a snob or ignoring them; I simply needed some time to clear my head. 

After dinner I went directly to the library by myself, intent on getting started on my research about memory charms. From the little that I knew at the moment, I was aware that they were tricky and finicky, requiring very precise spell casting and an exact idea in the caster’s mind of what memories were to be erased. And in my case, I needed to be very thorough and not leave a single clue behind, because all it would take was one missed memory and a Death Eater skilled in legilimency would know that they could torture my family to bring back the memories that I’d stolen from them. That was not an option, and neither was leaving my research to the last minute. I knew what I had to do and I needed to start early. 

The library was decently full of students because the professors had started doling out hordes of assignments in anticipation of the students leaving for the holidays in a little over a month. When I entered, Madam Pince looked up from her desk and a sour look crossed her face when she recognized me. The disturbances that I’d created in the library this year had not gone unnoticed by her, since she knew me by name and my library conduct had been stellar up until this year. I gave her a supplicating smile before I went into the library, weaving by students sat at tables and standing at bookshelves. 

“Ridgelow, yeah?” I heard someone say, the entrance to the Restricted Section tantalizingly close. I turned around with great reluctance to face the Ravenclaw boy who had spoken. He looked like he couldn’t be more than a third-year but he certainly had the self-assuredness and arrogant demeanor of an older student. His handsome face, piercing blue eyes and waves of golden hair had probably gotten him a lot of attention from girls. 

“What do you want?” I said, not bothering to conceal the boredom in my voice. 

He smiled and I was momentarily blinded by his impeccably white teeth. “You’re quite famous, as far as Ravenclaws go. Naturally, for things different than I am well-known for. But I certainly envy the quantity of gossip about you.” He took an eager step closer. “Tell me, how do you do it? Not that I truly need the advice, seeing as I’m so famous myself, and I was already planning on-”

“What in Christ’s sake are you on about?” I snapped. 

He looked unperturbed. “Why, your fame, of course. Notoriety. Celebrity. Whatever name you choose to assign to it. How’d you do it? And rather quickly becoming so famous amongst-”

“Jesus Christ, take my ‘celebrity’ if you want it. I don’t,” I snapped. I looked this Ravenclaw boy up and down suspiciously.

He blathered on, undeterred. “I’ve done a few things myself that have made me famous among my peers, but there’s always ways to become more known and all the more reason to have an established following of loyal, doting fans once I create the Philosopher’s Stone before graduation-”

“Piss off,” I snapped. Who was this self-centered prat anyway? I spun on my heel and continued on to the Restricted Section. 

I heard him following me. “I have a superb shampoo to offer you in exchange for stories of the genesis of your celebrity and-” 

I flipped him off over my shoulder. “Go start a crusade against a popular Slytherin, that’s sure to make you famous in no time.” I stalked off into the Restricted Section, my feet making no sound on the floor. At least that ridiculous boy was smart enough to not follow me. Bloody annoying third-years. 

The Restricted Section was empty as usual and with the number of other students in the library, The Pincer would hopefully be distracted by them, leaving me with the peace and quiet that I needed to do my research. Thankfully the bookshelves were organized by subjects like a Muggle one, so it didn’t take me long to find the section that I was looking for. I set my bookbag down on the floor in front of the shelf and pulled out some parchment and a Muggle pen to make notes while I read, and then I began taking books off the shelves. I was careful to keep an eye and an ear out for the grouchy librarian, but there were no hiccups and I spent several hours poring over the volumes, my parchment filling with writing and the stacks of books on the floor which I’d already read growing. 

Though doing such thorough research helped quiet my mind because I was becoming more and more equipped at solving the problem of protecting my family, I still had the nagging thought in the back of my head that I was making a mistake, that this was not the right course of action to take in order to protect them from the Death Eaters. Was it too extreme to obliviate them? Couldn’t I ask someone like Dumbledore for help? Perhaps he could find them a safehouse somewhere. But that would entail me telling him that I was a Seer, and that prospect alone terrified me. What if, by accepting help from Dumbledore, I entered into an agreement to share all the details of my dreams and visions with him and other wizards and witches who were trying to fight the Death Eaters? Would they force me to go into hiding, to sequester myself away from the outside world, for fear that I would be targeted? Once anyone else found out about how useful my gifts were, how far would they go to keep me hidden and secret from anyone else? Would it be at the cost of my own freedom? Or was I worrying for nothing?

I couldn’t remember the last time that I had been in so much turmoil. I was usually confident and certain of my actions, but this was an unknown variable, a wild card. Perhaps obliviating my family was the only thing that I could do to regain control of the situation, to ensure that they would be safe, but at what cost? Who had given me the right to decide my family’s fate? I would be forever altering the course of their lives by wiping their memories of me, and was such a massive alteration worth keeping them safe? Would I regret this decision in the future? I felt like a string that was gradually being stretched to its breaking point; at any moment I could snap from the pressure of being pulled in opposite directions. Still, I continued reading and pulling books off the shelves. At this point, it was my only consolation, my only way of taking control of the situation, and my family was better off obliviated and safe, than tortured and dead. 

I was half-heartedly flipping through a book about false memory charms, debating whether I needed to read this one as well, when the sound of approaching footsteps stirred me out of my reading. I turned my head to look down the aisle, and I would’ve been more relieved if it had been Madam Pince on her way to kick me out again. My heart sank down into my toes as I watched Sirius walking towards me. 

“Breaking the rules again, kitten?” he said as he stopped to stand next to me, his hands in his pockets and exuding an air of casual confidence. 

My heart twinged. I was torn between wanting him to stay here and distract me from the prospect of obliviating my family, and wanting him to go away because of how seeing him in the flesh brought the dream that I’d had rushing back. I stared at him as he gave me a lazy smile. How could I hope to be around him when I’d spent my night dreaming of us being in a relationship? I was looking at him now and all I saw was the image of me and him, naked and curled up together in his bed, in love with each other. I wished then that I had seen us having sex and not cuddling. Watching us having sex in the dream would have been easier to handle because it was familiar, it was something that we already did on a regular basis. It wasn’t foreign and frightening like the intimacy of cuddling and pillow talk, but how could I ever tell him that? If I wanted that future with him, which I wasn’t even sure of, then telling him now would only scare him away. How creepy, how perverted, to dream of him like I had. 

When I didn’t respond for a beat, his face fell and he furrowed his eyebrows. “Are you alright, kitten?” 

I nodded and gave him a pinched smile before I returned the book to the shelf with shaking hands. “What are you doing here, old man?”

His lips twisted into a wry smile. “Prongs, Evans and Moony wanted to study in the library and dragged me and Wormtail along.”

“Surely they’re getting lonely without you?” 

He shook his head. “No, they’re doing their homework like good students.”

I turned to give him a shaky smile. “Too boring?”

He grinned. “Exactly, kitten. And don’t we have another prank to plan?”

I chuckled and folded away my notes in my robe pocket before he could see what I had been writing. “I s’ppose we do. Any ideas?”

“I was thinking something memorable, like sneaking into the Slytherin dormitories to prank them where they least expect it,” he said, turning to run his hand down the book spines. His hands had been caressing my cheek in the dream; I quickly banished that thought. 

“That’s very…”

“Bold? Brave? Dashing?” he said, eyes looking to me again. 

I couldn’t help but smile. “All of those.”

“What do you think? Or too ambitious for a poor Ravenclaw like you?”

I turned to stare at him, mouth agape. “I’m not afraid of being bold, old man,” I said, making a face at him. “If anything, I want them to have nightmares about us besting them.”

Sirius grinned from ear to ear. “Great minds think alike, kitten. We were a rather good team on Monday, yeah?”

I laughed and started returning the piles of books to their spots on the shelves by levitating them. “Honestly, I dunno if I could’ve held my own against Avery and Mulciber without you, old man. Duelling is really not my forte. I don’t have fast enough reactions and my default is to use _protego_.”

“Well, isn’t it great that I’m here to help you? I reckon quick thinking is my strong suit,” he said, watching me and running a hand through his hair. 

“Avery won’t know what hit him.”

He smiled, grey eyes lingering on me. “Was a right shame that Snivellus couldn’t stop leaving grease marks in his book for one moment to follow his friends.”

“I know. Next time, old man.”

“You’re sure to become a master dueller if you watch what I do when we duel the Slytherins,” he said with a cheeky smile. 

“I’m counting on it.”

Sirius leaned his shoulder against the bookshelf again as I finished putting away the stacks of books. “Did you always break this many rules before, kitten? Or is Evans right and I’m being your enabler?” he said, watching me. 

I shrugged. “No, she’s right. I’ve never outright duelled anyone, but of course I did prank Avery back before you started helping me get revenge. I dunno… I guess I consider myself to be an exception to the rules, as arrogant as that is.”

“No harm in breaking some rules, kitten. In fact, some rules were made to be broken.”

I laughed and glanced over at him. “That’s how you justify it?”

He quirked an eyebrow at me. “What? It was your idea to get revenge on Avery, wasn’t it? What’s your justification, then?”

I laughed again. “Lily’s right then; I’m becoming as bad as you now, old man.”

“Come off it, it’s not that bad.” He flashed me a devilish grin. “The way I see it, you’re learning from the best.” 

“That is true, old man,” I said, laughing and looking at the bookshelf again.

“You’ve got an excellent mentor, kitten. Maybe you should be more appreciative.”

“Are you not feeling appreciated enough?” I said and my heart started racing when I saw him move closer to me from the corner of my eye. 

“I think you’re not complimenting me enough,” he joked. I kept my gaze focused on the bookshelf in front of me, feeling unusually shy after having the intimate dream about him.

“Can’t let your ego get too big. You might get overconfident and then get sloppy and make mistakes while pranking Avery.”

“Me? Making mistakes? Impossible,” he said, laughing and coming to stand beside me. I turned my head to watch him studying the bookshelf in front of us, my eyes taking in his perfect profile. I realized that he would probably start asking why I was reading about memory charms in the Restricted Section as I saw his eyes scanning the titles of the books, so I spoke before he could ask. 

“My first language is actually not English, old man.”

He turned to look at me and I was struck by the intensity of his stare for a dizzying moment. “It’s not?”

“Well, my first words when I was a baby weren’t English, they were Swedish. My mum immigrated to England when she was in her twenties, and she spoke a lot of Swedish to me when I was a baby.” I broke his gaze as he continued to watch me. “It was silly words, like _upp_ and _lampa_ , and I lost most of my Swedish. I can still say a few things here and there, but I’d have to relearn the language.”

“Is your dad English?”

I nodded and ran a finger down the worn spine of a book. “Born and raised here. My first name’s from my mum’s side of the family, that’s why it’s so… exotic. It’s pronounced differently in Swedish too, the ‘R’ and ‘S’ combination makes a ‘sh’ sound. But I’ve never used that pronunciation anyway, neither has my dad or brother.” I smiled to myself when I remembered something. 

Sirius looked at me, smiling. “What’re you smiling about, kitten?”

“Oh, I was just thinking about this silly nickname that my mum has for me. There’s this Swedish children’s book that she used to read to me when I was little. It’s about this precocious girl, her name is Pippi Långstrump, which translates to Pippi Longstocking in English. She’s rather witty and fearless and is very physically strong. She has bright red hair and freckles, so my mum started calling me Kersti Långstrump when my hair grew in red.”

Sirius chuckled. “That’s… quite the nickname, kitten.”

I shrugged. “A bit embarrassing, really. And Mum made me clothes just like hers too. My brother still teases me about it.” A smile shaped his lips as he looked at me. “Of course, I don’t mean to… I don’t want to rub it in your face about my family, I just… I’m sorry, I figured that we’ve shared equally now. Sorry if I made you feel bad, I-”

He smiled gently. “It’s alright, kitten. I know what you mean. Thank you for telling me.”

I laughed self-consciously and turned away from him, my cheeks flushing from his gaze. I reached a hand up and took another book off the shelf to distract myself. I tried to ignore Sirius shifting to stand closer to me, but that was impossible; I could never ignore him when he was in the room. I was torn between slamming him against the bookshelf to snog him senseless and keeping myself under control. 

“Why’re you in the Restricted Section today, kitten?” he said, standing behind me and looking over my shoulder to read the book that was open in my hand. I could feel his breath on my hair and I shuddered. 

“Research,” I said softly. 

“Research? What for?” he said and raised a hand to move my hair aside so that the nape of my neck was exposed. My skin tingled where his fingers brushed it. 

“For the er… your tracking device,” I said, my voice growing even quieter. 

He chuckled and ran a finger down the back of my neck, making me shudder again. “Any luck? Or have we got you and Evans at a loss?”

“Dunno…” I whispered and trailed off when his soft lips brushed my neck. Heat blossomed on my skin wherever his mouth landed and I had to fight to concentrate when he kissed my neck more insistently, a hand coming to rest on my waist. 

“Want a hint?” he whispered in my ear and a shiver wracked my body as he kissed under my ear and down the side of my neck. Fuck. He was a good distraction. I sighed. “Mm? D’you want a hint, kitten?” he said when I couldn’t respond. 

“Dunno if Lily would forgive me for getting help from the enemy,” I groaned as he pulled the collar of my shirt aside to kiss the area where my shoulder and neck met. 

Sirius laughed into my skin. “The enemy? Rather harsh term, don’t you think? Is that all I am to you?”

I sighed as he continued bewitching me with his mouth. “No.”

“That’s good, kitten.” He kissed me more insistently, his tongue coming out to briefly flick against my skin as his hand on my waist began playing with the hem of my cardigan. 

“Going to shag me in the library, old man?”

He chuckled and leaned his forehead against my shoulder, his hair falling forward and hitting my nose with a wave of his hypnotizing scent. “Only if you want me to.”

“Every Ravenclaw’s wet dream.” 

“What’s that?” he whispered in my ear. 

“Getting laid in the library.” 

He chuckled. “So I should shag you in here?” 

I smiled wryly and stepped away from him to return the book in my hands to the shelf. “No, not here. I wouldn’t want us to get interrupted.”

“Fair enough, kitten.”

I was about to turn around to face Sirius again when he came up behind me again and laid his hand on my waist again, the other caressing my shoulder through my robes. He dipped his head down again to kiss my neck and I sighed. I leaned back against his body and tilted my head to give him better access to my neck. I was drunk on him again, and facing away from him made me feel more comfortable being honest with him. “I’m not used to being so… curious about someone else, old man.”

“Mmm,” he hummed into my skin. 

“The more I know about you, the more… the more I think about you.” 

“I know, kitten. I’m a very fascinating person,” he whispered. I chuckled and was about to speak when he did instead. “I can’t believe I ever thought you’d be boring,” he said and slid a hand under my cardigan and shirt to touch the bare skin of my stomach. “You’re the opposite, kitten.” 

I sighed. Fuck. 

“You never fail to surprise me,” he whispered and I felt myself growing hot from his touch and the compliment. “I’m glad I started shagging you, and I mean that in the best way possible,” he said, his hand on my shoulder falling to fiddle with the hem of my skirt. 

“Mmm, not in the library, old man,” I breathed. 

“Can you blame me? You’re hard to resist,” he whispered and we both chuckled. 

“You’re very, very hard to resist too,” I said and stepped away from him. I pricked an ear briefly, listening for The Pincer, but there were no footfalls. 

After a moment, he spoke again. “Is your middle name from your mum’s side of the family too, kitten?”

I smiled and turned to face him. He was watching me, a smile curling up his beautiful lips. God, if we hadn’t been in the library I would’ve shoved him up against a wall and snogged him silly. I swallowed. “Yeah.”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Well? Don’t be shy, what is it?”

“Linnea. My aunt’s name.”

He studied me with his beautiful grey eyes for a moment, cocking his head as if he couldn’t figure me out. “Kersti Linnea Ridgelow,” he said softly. 

I shuddered. I could handle Sirius looking at me like he was ready to devour me, but not this. This curious, transfixed look reminded me too much of the dream that I’d had last night, not to mention that it made me flush from the intensity. Jesus Christ. I supposed that I hadn’t realized how much seeing Sirius vulnerable on Monday had shifted our dynamic. We still had the teasing banter, but this… This was new territory. 

I swallowed. “So, er… what do you think?”

“Of your name?”

“Yeah,” I said weakly. 

He grinned and watched me. “I like it, kitten. It… suits you.”

I managed a smile and looked away. “Well, what a relief!”

“And what about my name? Does it suit me as much as yours?”

I laughed and poked him in the chest. “I couldn’t imagine you with any other name, old man.” 

“‘Well, what a relief!’” he said in a high-pitched girly voice, imitating me. 

I couldn’t help but laugh. “That was your impression of me?”

“Yeah. Wicked, huh?”

“No! I do not sound like that.”

“Kitten, have you heard yourself? You definitely do.”

“I don’t screech like a cat, old man.”

He snorted with laughter. “You do, you are a cat. A giant, striped cat.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, how are those fleas treating you, old man? Been itching yourself with a back leg a lot?”

“No! I have not.”

“You’re a mangy old dog.”

“You’re yowling again, kitten.”

“Sorry, what’s that? Stop barking and speak English, I can’t understand you.”

“Fancy being mercilessly tickled?”

I held up my hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. I’ll stop teasing you.”

Sirius laughed and then studied me for a quiet moment. “Are you going to tell me the real reason you became an animagus? Or is that one of your secrets?”

My lips twisted into a wry smile. “That obvious, huh?”

He shrugged. “I don’t hold it against you. I’m just curious.”

“I know. It is one of my secrets, but I’ll tell you eventually.”

“I look forward to it, kitten,” he said, grinning. 

I opened my mouth to respond when I heard something coming towards us. I froze. “I think The Pincer’s found us,” I whispered. 

Sirius went still and listened to the approaching noise. “Footsteps.”

I cringed and grabbed my bookbag from the floor before flashing him a grin. “Come on, old man.”

We made a mad dash down the aisle and out of the Restricted Section, not stopping until we were several bookshelves away from the entrance. We caught our breath, grinning at each other like a pair of loons. Despite the haunting dream that I’d had this morning, I was glad that he had hunted me down in the library. There was nothing like some tomfoolery with Sirius to get my mind off my problems. 

I nodded my head in the direction of the main part of the library. “Go, reunite with your mates, old man.”

He pouted. “You’re banishing me?”

I smiled and took the notes that I’d written out of my pocket to give them a wave. “I’ve got an assignment to do. I’ll see you soon?”

He chuckled, grey eyes alight. “I’ll see you soon then, kitten.”

I blew him a kiss. “Bye, old man.” 

Sirius managed to pinch my bum before I walked away, and I couldn’t help but smile to myself as I walked, nearing the library doors. If I had another dream about us in the future, which was sure to happen, I resolved to try my hardest to forget about it. I couldn’t afford to avoid Sirius, not when I enjoyed his company so much, and not when we were growing closer every day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pippi Longstocking is the title of an actual Swedish children’s book.


	29. Munchies

I awoke Friday morning with a stress headache and knots in my neck and shoulders, and sat half-asleep and nursing a cup of tea over breakfast as Emily, Tess and Lia chatted around me. I needed a bloody massage. I stared into the soft brown liquid in my cup and I was debating whether a self-massaging charm existed, or whether I needed to endeavour to create one myself, when Emily nudged me out of my stupor. 

“Look, the owls are coming in.”

I continued staring down into my tea cup. It probably wasn’t anything for me in the mail. Tess didn’t eat her porridge fast enough and an owl dropped a copy of _The Daily Prophet_ on top of her bowl, and along the House tables other owls were releasing that morning’s paper from on high to land with resounding thuds on the tabletops. 

“More disappearances,” Lia said sadly, flipping the paper open and burying her nose in it. 

I gripped my tea cup until my knuckles were white. Right now, I had no regrets about planning to obliviate my family, not when every day they remained like sitting ducks, waiting to be picked off one by one by the Death Eaters. 

“Hey, Kersti. I think you’ve got a package heading your way,” Emily said. 

I looked up. She was staring down at the end of the Great Hall, where the last stragglers of owls were flying in. She was watching a small grey owl make a sloppy approach to our end of the hall, a medium-sized package clutched in its talons. “Why d’you reckon it’s for me?” I asked. 

“Reckon you’re the only one in Hogwarts to get packages wrapped in pink,” Tess said, watching the owl too. 

I turned my gaze to the poor owl which looked as if it were drunk with the weaving and tilting flight path it was taking. It was growing closer every second and when it was flying above my head, it released the package to fall into my waiting arms. 

“You’ll be replacing me as Chaser with that catch, Kersti,” Tess said, stirring her porridge. 

I chuckled and examined the wrapped package before I carefully stripped the glossy pink paper from it. I had barely cracked the cardboard box open when a pungent scent reached my nose. “Jesus Christ!” I said, laughing and peering inside. Sure enough, it was another gift from my weed dealer and there was even a note from him folded on top of the packages of cannabis. 

Lia looked at me and her face suddenly contorted. “Merlin, close that before a professor smells it!” she said, laughing and fanning the air. 

“Merlin’s beard, that reeks,” Emily said, scrunching up her face. 

“Alright, alright, I’m closing it. Need to save it for later anyway.” I chuckled at their expressions. “Oh, come off it. It’s not _that_ bad.”

Tess feigned a coughing fit and I rolled my eyes as we got up from the table. I tucked my package into my robes to cover the hideous pink wrapping and the smell, and then I scurried up to the Ravenclaw dormitory to stash it in my wardrobe. I made sure to cast _scourgify_ on myself in case the stench lingered. God forbid I reeked during classes and around Sirius today. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I went down to the grounds after dinner to smoke some of the new weed that I’d gotten, holding my robes close to me to combat the evening November air. I went to my usual smoking spot, but what was unusual was that James and Sirius were already there. Something about this specific location resonated with the three of us smokers apparently. 

“Evening, kitten,” Sirius said, offering me a grin. 

“Hello, Stripes,” James said and raised his cigarette to his lips. 

“Mind if I crash your party?” I withdrew a joint from my robes. 

“Of course, kitten,” Sirius said and James gave me an inviting gesture. 

“Fancy something stronger?” I said. “I’ve got loads of this in my pockets.”

James shook his head and tapped the ash off his cigarette while I handed one to Sirius, who was more interested in smoking weed than his friend. “I’m going to spend time with Evans as soon as I’m done this,” James said, holding up his half-finished smoke. 

“I’m not hanging out with Evans as soon as I’m done this, so I’m all yours, kitten,” Sirius said, grinning at me. 

I laughed and laid a hand on my chest. “Aww, old man.” I turned my attention briefly to my joint to get it lit. “So, Lily. How’s that going, Rotter? Everything fine and dandy?”

James grinned and pushed his glasses up his nose with a finger. “Brilliant. Really, truly, brilliant. Merlin, it makes me realize how much of an idiot I was in previous years.”

“Didn’t think to woo her with kindness before, Prongs?” Sirius said with a smirk. 

James shook his head. “I was too immature. Well, I’m still working on it. And the keeping-out-of-mischief bit is proving to be difficult.”

“If it makes you feel better, Rotter, you’re doing a good job. Even I can tell that.”

James shot me an appreciative smile. “Thanks, Stripes.” He looked at me for a moment. “Sorry that I was such a wanker to you in the beginning.”

I waved my hand and took a drag. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Well, yeah, it does matter. I was rather rude and threatened you in the forest, and then I wasn’t too polite about you being in on the furry problem.”

I shrugged. “Both of us were behaving poorly for that first little while. I was being overdramatic, you held a grudge, that sort of thing. But I don’t think badly of you for it.”

Sirius finished his cigarette and started on the joint that I’d given him. “Bit of a nasty shock in the forest.”

“Yeah. Wise old Moony was telling me that I shouldn’t be too angry with you, Stripes, but I was wanting to take it out on someone,” James said. 

“And I held a grudge. But that’s all behind us,” I said, looking out at the darkened forest as I took another puff. 

“Like it never even happened,” James said amicably. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me worriedly. “Stripes, you’re a girl.”

I snorted. “Yeah. Keen observation.”

He ruffled the top of his head nervously. “I need a girl’s advice.”

I looked at him and Sirius curiously. Sirius shrugged his shoulders. “Alright, Rotter. What’s the dilemma?”

James sighed and took off his glasses to polish them on his sleeve. “You’re a girl, and I thought you might know what, er… what a girl wants when she brings her, er… boyfriend to meet her family.”

My eyebrows shot up. “That’s not girl-specific, Rotter. Doesn’t Remus have some good advice for that?”

Sirius shook his head, a half-smile shaping his lips as he watched me. “Prongs is convinced that he needs a woman’s advice. And Moony only told him to ask Evans about it.”

James smiled sheepishly. “I don’t know about asking Evans. Not that I couldn’t, but I want to… put her at ease from the beginning. And, er… I don’t want her thinking she needs to assist me because I have bad manners or I’m unsociable or I can’t socialize with Muggles or I need-”

I chuckled. “I’ve never seen you this nervous, Rotter.”

“Rather rare, kitten,” Sirius said, looking at me and leaning back against the castle wall. 

James sighed and ruffled his hair again. “I dunno, I just… it’s not like we’ve been dating _that_ long and I want to make a good impression and all that.”

“Yeah, I know.” I took a long drag and held the smoke in before exhaling it. “Do you know much about her family?”

“Not a lot, bits here and there. I’m meeting them and then the plan is to attend her sister’s wedding together over the holidays.”

“Is her sister a Muggle?”

He nodded. “Yeah. She’s mentioned in passing that leaving for Hogwarts has strained their relationship significantly, but I’m still not entirely sure what I’m walking into.”

“But her parents are nice? About her being a witch and all that.”

“Yeah. They’re really nice from what she’s said. But she gets all quiet and withdrawn whenever I ask about her sister. She’s only said in passing that they’re not as close as they were before she left for school.”

I nodded and glanced at Sirius. He was smoking his joint thoughtfully, staring off into the distance. I hoped that this wasn’t causing him to dwell too much on his own strained family situation. Perhaps he had a sister from whom he was estranged? Or maybe Sirius had no siblings?

I turned my focus back to James. “It’s a tricky situation, Rotter. But… I dunno, this isn’t what you’ll want to hear but-”

“Merlin help me!” James said, his face stricken. 

I chuckled. “Jesus, no. It’s not anything bad, I was merely going to say I agree with Remus. I think you should ask Lily what you’ll be heading into, what sorts of interpersonal dynamics are already present, things you shouldn’t mention in conversation, subjects to be avoided, all that. I can’t do it justice or give you any sort of advice because I’m only grasping at straws here. I don’t know about the intricacies of her family dynamics, only she does. So I think it can’t hurt to ask her what to expect and prepare for. You know she’ll understand. I reckon she’ll appreciate you even more for it.”

James sighed and Sirius chuckled. “See? I told you, Prongs. I said she was going to say what Moony did.”

James reached a hand up to ruffle Sirius’s hair. “Don’t you dare say ‘I told you so,’ Padfoot.”

“I told you-”

James gave Sirius noogies on the top of his head. “What’d I say, mate?”

“Get off me! My hair!”

I laughed and continued smoking my joint until they had ceased their tussling. James ground his cigarette butt out under his toe. “Thanks for the reassurance, Stripes.”

I gave him a genuine smile. “Of course, Rotter.”

He studied me for a moment and readjusted his glasses. “Moony said you were a good listener, Stripes.”

I looked at the two of them in surprise. “Really? He said that?” I said quietly. 

Sirius nodded and raised the blunt to his lips, watching me. “Yeah. Insisted that you… know what it’s like.”

“Moony always was the best of us, always the most perceptive.” 

I shrugged and looked out at the forest again, avoiding Sirius’s eyes. “I think… I’m one of the few people who can empathize with his curse. It’s probably comforting. You know, misery loves company and all that.”

James looked at me for a long moment. “Are you cursed too?”

I looked down at my shoes. “A story for another day; a very long story.”

“Hmm,” Sirius said noncommittally. I could feel his gaze weighing on me and I was glad that I didn’t know what sorts of questions were rolling around in that beautiful head of his. They would almost certainly be questions that I couldn’t and wouldn’t answer. 

James cleared his throat and looked from me to Sirius, sensing the shift in mood. “Well, er… I’d better get up to see Lily, can’t be late for our date.”

I smiled. “Have fun, Rotter. And don’t be afraid to talk to her. I know she’ll understand.”

James ruffled Sirius’s hair one last time before he clapped me on the shoulder. “Thanks, Stripes,” he said, smiling down at me. 

I nodded towards the castle. “Get going, Rotter. You’ll be tardy at this rate.”

He gave me a silly grin and waved to Sirius. “You two behave yourselves. Don’t make me come back and give you detentions.”

“Tardy tosser!” I joked. 

James flipped me off jokingly and I watched as he jogged around the corner and into the castle. I sighed. I wished that my life could be that carefree, where my only problem was trying to make a good first impression on my significant other’s parents and sister, instead of worrying about how and whether I would erase all my family’s memories of me. I rubbed my face and took a slow drag, trying to avoid Sirius’s gaze. 

“I’m finished, kitten. Will you lend me another one?”

I turned to face Sirius. He was grinning at me, holding up the butt as an explanation. At least he wasn’t telling me to scram, because I wanted to stay here for a while, smoking with him. I smiled and went to stand beside him against the wall, handing him a fresh joint. 

“Plenty more where those came from, old man,” I said, patting my pocket. 

He grinned and pushed a strand of hair out of his face. “I’d expect nothing less, kitten.”

We smoked in silence for a few minutes, staring out at the Forbidden Forest. “D’you have any plans for your life after Hogwarts?” I asked and exhaled some smoke. 

Sirius thought about that for a moment and I studied his profile. “I selected auror when we had to choose a potential career. I still like that idea but… Dunno.” He turned to smile at me, his grey eyes alight. “What about you, kitten?”

I shrugged and tossed away my finished blunt before I started my second one. “I chose auror too. It was more of a haphazard guess. I don’t have any hard and fast plans for after graduation.” I thought briefly of how I would have no family or home to return to after the Hogwarts Express dropped me off at King’s Cross at the end of June, but I tucked that thought away for later. “Dunno,” I said, smiling at him. 

He looked at me for a moment. “I always thought maybe I’d take a few years to travel, see the world… you know? Get out of Britain for a bit before I settled down into a career.”

I nodded. “Me too. Where would you travel?”

“Dunno. I’d like to see magical societies of other countries, like Europe and America. I’ve always wondered whether they were different and as… fucked up as Britain’s.”

“I remember reading in a book that wands are a European invention. Though I can’t imagine not having one.”

He nodded and pursed his lips around the end of his blunt. “I’ve always felt so… trapped by wizarding society here, for… obvious reasons. It’d be nice to get away from it all for a few years.”

“Yeah. My parents made me keep up with my Muggle schooling during the summers so I think I could get into a Muggle university if I wanted to. I guess that’s another option for me after school.”

“University?”

“It’s a sort of advanced school for Muggles, for adults.”

“You’d have to hide your magical abilities,” he said. “Can’t imagine that’d be fun.”

“Yeah. Which is why I find the idea of travelling for a while and then having a wizarding job much more appealing. Dunno if I can afford to travel though, if I’m being honest with myself.”

Sirius chuckled. “Dunno if I can afford it either.” 

I turned to study him for a moment as he flicked the ash away. He was no longer enjoying the wealth of the Black family and was living off his own means, but I would never push him into telling me the particulars of his financial situation. 

Sirius met my gaze, sensing the unasked questions in my head. “You’re very… tactful about not forcing things, kitten.”

“Like with personal things?”

“Yeah. Most people would, I dunno… try to pry.”

I shrugged and forced myself to meet his eyes, even though the intensity of his expression was making me feel vulnerable. “I… I understand what it’s like to have secrets, old man. And it’s not very… nice to force confessions out of people.”

He smiled gently. “Thanks, kitten.” He searched my face for a moment with his haunting grey eyes. “I can’t force you either, I s’ppose?”

I gave him a small smile. “Not really, no. One step at a time, old man. I think… I think we’ll get there eventually. Just be patient and give me time.”

“I will, kitten,” he said and we lapsed into a comfortable silence as we smoked some more. 

“You know, my weed dealer sent me a fresh batch, and this is from that batch. He claimed it was more potent than usual?” I said, holding up my joint and examining it accusingly. 

“I think he was taking the piss with that, kitten.” 

“Merlin, he definitely was taking the piss. More potent? Pshhh. I’m one and a half in and I’m not even high yet.”

Sirius laughed. “Me neither. But this is good. How the fuck does he get it to you?”

“You mean into the castle?”

“Yeah.”

I chuckled. “Packages from my parents.”

He stared at me. “Your parents _send_ you weed? Voluntarily?”

“No, I get my dealer to send them packages, then they send them to me. I’ve been telling them the dealer bloke is my boyfriend who sends me romantic, mushy shit when I’m gone at my ‘fancy boarding school.’ They respect my privacy so they never open the packages.” 

Sirius threw back his head and laughed. “Brilliant, kitten.”

I couldn’t help but join in with his barks of laughter. I felt happy that I had made him genuinely laugh, and I liked seeing him like this. “I’ll be here all night, smoking myself into an early grave at this rate.”

He gave me a mischievous grin. “How many d’you reckon we’ll need to smoke? Four? Five?”

I laughed. “Merlin, I hope not. I thought I’d have enough to last me till the holidays.”

Sirius and I took the final drags from our joints before tossing them away. “Aw, kitten. One more? Please?” he said, pouting and making puppy-dog eyes. 

I smiled. “Don’t make that face at me, I’m just as interested in having another as you are.”

He pinched my bum quickly. “Well, don’t delay. Hand over the next one, kitten.”

I giggled and gave him one with shaky hands and struggled to light them. He gave me a cheeky grin. “What’s this? Is someone getting high already?”

I shoved him playfully. “Tease.”

He took a first drag and then smacked my arse when I was trying to smoke. I spluttered in surprise and looked at him. “You dog!”

He feigned shock. “What? I’m a dog? Really? Merlin, I had no idea!”

I tried to tickle his sides with one hand. “Teasing old man,” I said and swayed in place. 

Sirius let out a surprisingly high-pitched giggle when I managed to tickle his exposed side. “Ah, Merlin!” 

“Too bad your feet aren’t exposed. I’d have a field day.”

“And I’d tickle you until you pissed yourself.”

I snorted with laughter but choked on the smoke. “Tell that to Stripes. Tickle her, see what happens.”

He leaned down to bring our faces closer together, a smirk shaping his lips. “You’re so high you’re going to fall over, kitten.”

I scrunched up my face. “Am not. Could I do this if I were high?” I said and spun in a place, completing the rotation with a shimmy and a bum-wiggle.

He howled with laughter. “You wouldn’t do that if you weren’t high!”

I leapt at Sirius and began poking him. “Stop laughing at me, old man!”

He tickled me right back and then wrapped an arm around me, halting my attack. “I’m just teasing, kitten. Don’t get offended.”

“Hmm,” I mumbled, my face against his chest.

“‘Hmm,’ yourself,” he said and finished his third joint. “You’re so fun to tease, I can’t help it.”

I made a disgruntled noise and lifted my face away from his robes to finish my third joint before tossing it away. “A fourth, old man,” I said, raising my finger in the air. 

He made a sound between a hiccup and a giggle. “A fourth, kitten. A fourth.”

It took several tedious minutes for us to light our joints as we stood with our heads bent together, giggling like idiots. We bumped foreheads in our stupor and laughed, and then leaned in so our foreheads were pressed together.

“Look, your face is right here,” I said, bopping him lightly on the end of his nose.

He made a bug-eyed expression, his hair falling forward to brush against my face. “Look, your face is right here,” he said, pinching my cheek. 

“I can see your face from here,” I mumbled, looking into his eyes that were a hair’s breadth from mine. 

“I can see your face from here,” he said, grinning and staring back at me. 

I giggled and broke away to rub my burning eyes before we resumed smoking. I started aimlessly humming a tune and shimmying on the spot. Sirius started laughing at me and then imitated me, which made us both descend into wheezing fits of laughter. 

“Niiiiceeee imitation, mate,” I said. 

“Niiicceeee moves, mate.”

“That what I sound like?”

“Mmmhmmm,” he said emphatically. He cleared his throat before making his voice higher. “‘My name’s Kersti and I’m a girl.’” I cackled at Sirius’s impression which only fuelled him further. He took a long drag and coughed, and then continued. “‘I’m a sexy girl with beautiful tits,’” he said and I burst out laughing. 

“Me tits!” I wheezed and then took a drag. 

He finished his joint and tossed away the butt. He cupped his chest with his hands. “Tits.”

I howled with laughter. “Tits!”

He stared at me, unblinking, laughing at my hysterics. I finished my joint and discarded the remnants. 

“Fancy a kitchen raid?” he said, looking eager. 

“Yes, please,” I mumbled. 

“C’mere, kitten. We’re gonna get sweets,” he said and tucked me up under his arm before he started guiding us back to the castle. It felt like it took years to muddle our way down to the kitchens because of how high we were. When we finally stumbled up to the painting, we were giggling more than the pear as Sirius reached out a finger to tickle it, and then we were careening through the doorway and into the kitchens, scaring the house-elves out of their cleaning and plopping ourselves down on one of the benches. I sat beside Sirius in a haze, giggling and barely registering the appearance of a wide range of sweets. 

“Here, kitten,” Sirius said, putting a Chocolate Frog box in my hands and sucking on a sugar quill. 

I fumbled with the box and, taking advantage of my delayed reaction time, the frog leapt onto my lap. I stared as it sprung onto the bench and then took off across the floor. 

“Kitten, you let it escape,” Sirius mumbled around the sugar quill in his mouth. 

I took another Chocolate Frog and tried not to let it escape, but that one also jumped out and onto the table. I giggled. “It got away.”

He tried to catch it but his reflexes betrayed him as well. He laughed. “Merlin, no more for you.”

I stared at the first frog as it doubled back towards me and tried to make an escape at the other end of the kitchen. “Wait, hold on. Are chocolate frogs alive? Do they… _feel_ and _think_?” I turned to Sirius. “Are they alive?”

He smiled and took the empty box from me. “Nope. I need to give these to Wormtail.” He handed me some sort of tart which wouldn’t try to escape from me. 

I bit into it and sighed. “Bloody hell, this is so goooood.”

He laughed at my infatuation with the tart and tucked the cards into his trouser pocket. I sat there in a haze, my whole existence centering around how fucking good my tart tasted, until a small explosion on Sirius’s lap made me look to him. 

“Fuck me,” he said, remnants of Exploding Bonbons on his face and robes. 

I started laughing and reached a hand out to brush some of the residue from his front. “D’you want me to get it off your face, old man?”

“Yes, please. Can’t see where it is.”

I slid closer so I could reach out and brush the candy dust off his cheeks. He closed his eyes, making a silly face. Using the pads of my fingers, I managed to clean up his face and admire his features while I did it. “All done.”

He opened his bloodshot eyes and blinked. “That was a right failure,” he muttered and gave his robes a last brush-off. 

I shrugged and continued to watch him. Were the rest of his relatives as good looking as him? Did they all have the proud, aristocratic features? Sirius’s personality was his own, an anomaly among his family, but part of me wondered where his good-looks had come from. 

He raised an eyebrow and smirked. “You’re staring, kitten.”

“So what? Am I not allowed?”

“Oh, please do. Stare as much as you want.”

I opened my eyes as wide as possible. “Like this?”

He let out a bark of laughter. “Merlin, not like that.”

“Still staring.”

“Stop, that’s creepy.”

“You said I could stare.”

“Not like _that_. You look like an acromantula,” he said, laughing and dipping his head towards mine. “And I’ll snog you to make you stop.”

“Please do.”

Then his lips were pressing against my mouth and I forgot about satisfying my sweet tooth. His tongue came out to move against mine and his mouth tasted like candy, which I found oddly endearing. He’d looked like a little boy on Christmas when he’d been tucking into the sweets that the house-elves had given us. I barely registered a house-elf, who was affronted by the public snogging, shooing us out of the kitchen, leaving us giggling and sans sweets outside the portrait of the pear. 

Sirius whirled around and began walking to the stairs. I stumbled after him and grabbed ahold of his arm. “Where’re you going, old man?”

He grinned. “To the Gryffindor Tower? Am I going the right way? I think it’s the right way.”

I got distracted on the stairs by a moving portrait on the wall which I stopped to stare at, until he fell back and settled me under his arm again. 

“C’mon, kitten. We can’t be seen by Filch,” he said, letting me lean against him heavily in my mental fog. “You know, you’ve got a soft side, kitten,” he said after we trudged up another set of stairs. 

“Huh? You talking ’bout my tits again?”

“No, you’ve got a sweet side. Not just an angry kitty.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Prickly on the outside, soft on the inside.”

I snorted gracelessly. “You’re not just saying that ’cause we shag?”

Sirius laughed. “No. You’ve got a sweet side, kitten.”

“You’ve got a sweet side too, old man. Like with your mates. Doing so much to help Remus, helping Peter, being a loyal friend. I like that about you.”

He looked down at me under his arm. “I’m not heartless?” he joked.

I shook my head vigorously. “Not at all. You want everyone but the boys to think that. I don’t think you’re heartless, you just don’t open up to others easily. Nothing wrong with that. I’m the same way.”

Sirius shot me a glance and then smiled widely. “I swear on my broom, you’re reading my mind.”

“I’m not. I just _get_ you I guess. Well, I’m trying. How’m I doing?”

“Better than most. Brilliant. How am I _getting_ you? Good? Decent? Rubbish?”

“Brilliant. Really brilliant. Shocking, really,” I said, smiling at him. 

“Takes one to know one, yeah?”

“Mmmhmmm,” I muttered, my legs feeling like two blocks of lead as we went higher up in the castle. I didn’t know how long we had been stumbling along together, but after some time- minutes or hours- a voice drew my gaze from the stone floor. 

“Merlin, there you are.”

“Fuck, how much did you two smoke after I left?”

Sirius and I giggled and mimed smoking a joint. “Loads.”

James rolled his eyes. “A load too much.”

Sirius dug in his pocket and produced the two Chocolate Frog cards. “For you, Wormtail.”

Peter cast me a suspicious look and took them from Sirius. “Er… thanks, Padfoot.”

“What’re we going to do about them?” James said.

Remus shook his head. “We can’t leave her out in the corridor. And I don’t know how to get into the Ravenclaw Tower.”

“We can’t just leave her outside the door?”

“No. You get in by answering a riddle, and does it look like she could do that in this state?” Remus said, gesturing to me giggling and leaning on Sirius. “It’s not very nice to abandon her to get caught by Filch and Mrs Norris, to get a year’s worth of detentions.”

“Don’t think she’ll let go of Padfoot’s arm either. What is it with them not controlling themselves around each other?”

“Prongs, that’s a bit rich coming from you.”

“Oh, bugger. Why’re you always right, Moony?”

“’Cause he’s Moony.”

A short sound of exasperation. “Prongs, Wormtail, help me get them moving.”

“S’okay, Moony. I can walk myself,” Sirius mumbled and lurched forward, pulling me along with him. 

“Merlin’s nutsack. That must’ve been some strong weed.”

“Yepppp.”

After what felt like hours of walking, but was in fact a few minutes, James and Remus were guiding us through the Gryffindor portrait hole and Sirius abandoned me to kick his shoes off and throw himself down onto one of the couches. 

“You’re not going to your bed, Padfoot?” James said. 

Sirius made a disinterested noise and leaned his head on the arm rest, getting comfortable with his long legs stretched out. I shuffled over and flopped down at the other end, mimicking his pose. 

“Well, fine. Sleep there if you fancy that,” James muttered and went away. 

Remus transfigured a blanket for us and I muttered my thanks before he left us alone. Sirius shifted his legs underneath mine, his socked feet nearly at my arse. What a strange sleeping situation. I opened my eyes to look at him. 

“Sorry in advance for the nightmares,” I said. 

“Hmm? Whaa?” he mumbled, head still tipped back against the armrest and eyes closed. 

“I have really, really, really bad dreams.” 

“S’okay, kitten.” 

“Might thrash and wake you up.” 

“Doesn’t matter. I’ll go back to sleep,” he said, waving his hand nonchalantly. 

“Is it creepy that I dream about you, old man?” 

He cracked an eye open and gave me a loopy smile. “Nah. Reckon loads of girls dream about me. I like it.” 

“Yeah, but what if I dreamt about us in love?” I muttered, rubbing my burning eyes. 

Sirius poked my leg with his toes. “Wholesome, kitten.” 

“Ughhh,” I said, rubbing my eyes again. “My eyes are burning.” 

“At least it’s not your crotch.” 

“Help! My crotch buuuurrrrnnnnnnsssssss,” I said and he wheezed. 

I rubbed my foot along his leg under the blanket and accidentally made contact with his crotch.

“Ughhh, kitten. My family jewels,” he groaned. 

“Oh, sorry,” I giggled. 

He tickled the bottoms of my feet briefly before he placed them in his lap with a hand on my shin.

“Should I kiss them better?” I mumbled.

“Mmm, yes, please,” he hummed without opening his eyes. 

“I can see up your nose.” 

Sirius tossed his hand in the air in a weird gesture. “Stop looking up my nose.” 

“Even your nose is perfect, old man.” 

“Your nose is perfect too, kitten.” 

“What if you had your dog nose all the time? Physically.” 

Sirius laughed. “What if you had whiskers all the time?” 

“Hideous.” 

“Hideous.”

“I think we smoked too much.” 

“Agree. Too much. I’m really high,” he muttered. 

“Don’t steal the blanket in the night.” 

“I share.” 

“You better.” 

“I’ll share with you, kitten.” 

“Good. Wonder who invented the first blanket?” 

“A cold person.”

“Mmm, yeah. Blankets are nice. I like this blanket. It’s cozy.” 

He chuckled, eyes still closed. “S’only cozy ’cause I’m under it with you.” 

“You’re cozy.” 

“I know, kitten.” 

“Am I the first to experience your… coziness?” 

He let out a soft bark of laughter. “Yeah. Never sleep the night with girls I shag. Too personal.” 

“Not detached enough?” 

“Not detached enough,” he agreed. 

I started giggling and he managed to raise his head up to look at me at the other end of the couch. 

“What?” 

I smiled. “You smell like dog.” 

He rolled his eyes. “You smell like cat.” 

“You like my cat smell, don’t lie.” 

“You like my dog smell, don’t lie.” 

I sighed dramatically. “I like your dog smell.” 

“I like your cat smell,” he said and leaned his head on the armrest again, his hand circling my calf, and I felt comforted by the gesture. 

“G’night, old man.” 

“G’night, kitten.”

And we somehow fell asleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Prongs, no hair-ruffling today.”

“Bloody hell, Moony. I can’t help it. It’s a habit.”

“Do I really have to cast _incarcerous_ on you right now?”

“No. Merlin, I’m just so nervous.”

“We’ve yet to crack open the firewhiskey, Prongs. We’ll take a shot now and you’ll be brilliant,” I said and focused on my reflection in the mirror. My bloody suit collar wasn’t lying right, but besides that I was ready. I studied my face in the mirror for a moment, eyes scanning over my black waves and pale face. At least I looked handsome, even if this collar was killing me. 

“Easy for you to say, Padfoot. You’re not the one who’s getting hitched in less than an hour,” James said, clamping his hands by his sides in an effort to not unconsciously ruffle his hair. 

I snorted and turned to shoot him a look. “I’ve got a wicked best man’s speech to deliver, Prongs. That doesn’t sound stressful to you?” 

James took his glasses off his nose and polished them on his front. “This is for the rest of my life, Padfoot. It’s a massive undertaking.”

Remus sighed and tore his attention away from the box of chocolates that he was eating. “Prongs, if it makes you feel better, I reckon every person who’s ever gotten married has been wracked with pre-wedding jitters.”

James made a weird sort of flapping motion with his hands, channeling his fretting into something other than messing up his perfectly-styled hair. I doubted the tidy hair would last very long. “I know, but I feel like I’m going mad, Moony. I think I’m going to retch. Merlin, I’m-”

“Come on, mate. You’ll be amazing!” Peter said, leaving off the fingernail chewing for a moment. 

“Fuck!” James said and started pacing. “D’you think my poor Lily-flower is this nervous? Merlin, I hope not.”

“Guarantee you she’s nervous too, Prongs,” I said, fiddling with my black suit cuffs now. 

“Fuck, I should’ve paid more attention when Mum and Dad started going on and on about their wedding. They’re experienced in this field! They could’ve helped me out!” James said, eyes wide and frantic behind his glasses. 

I made eye contact with Remus and nodded to the unopened bottle of firewhiskey on the window ledge. He swiped it up and put his box of chocolates in its place before he halted James’s pacing with a hand on his shoulder. “Prongs, I propose a toast.”

James stilled but I could smell the anxiety pouring off him in waves and see the sweat breaking out on his forehead. “Thanks, Moony.”

I took my wand out of my pocket and waved it, making four glass tumblers zoom off a tray and levitate before Remus. “You’ll feel better after this, Prongs.”

“Can I have a chocolate after to wash away the taste?” Peter asked Remus, eyeing the box of chocolates. 

Remus raised an eyebrow at him and ignored the request. “Here’s yours, Prongs,” he said, pouring the first drink. James grabbed the glass out of mid air and held it with clammy hands.

I abandoned the suit fiddling and joined the three of them by the window. “Padfoot,” Remus nodded, pouring one for me. “And here’s yours, Wormtail.” Peter took his and nearly dropped it with his shaky hands. “And one for me,” Remus said, and now we were standing in a circle, each with a glass of firewhiskey. He put the bottle back on the ledge. 

“Before we drink, I’d like to say something,” I said, grinning at James. 

“Hear, hear,” he said, smiling. 

“May this be the _only_ wedding of yours I attend, Prongs.”

We all laughed. “What Padfoot means is that you have a long and happy life with Lily,” Remus added, chuckling. 

“It’ll be the best wedding ever, Prongs!” Peter squeaked. 

James ran a hand down his face. “Merlin’s arsehole, what would I have done without the Marauders?”

“Been a boring, rule-abiding sod,” I said and threw him a punch on the arm. 

James laughed and raised his glass. “To the Marauders!”

“And to getting married,” Remus added. 

“Mischief managed?” Peter added tentatively. We all grinned. 

“Yes, my dear Wormtail. Mischief managed,” James said and we all threw back the drinks. 

“Fuck, that burns!” Remus said and started coughing. 

“Bloody amateur, Moony,” I joked, the firewhiskey warming me pleasantly from the inside out. 

Remus made a silly face at me. “Burgeoning alcoholic.”

“Come off it, Moony,” James said, laughing. “You know she’d never let him get to that point.”

Remus shrugged and laughed. We’d been friends so long that we didn’t have to struggle to understand each other’s sarcasm and humour. 

“Reckon Evans will like you in that suit, Prongs?” Peter asked but directed his question to the chocolate box. 

I laughed. “She’ll be dropping her knickers during the ceremony.”

James jostled me. “Padfoot, don’t talk about my soon-to-be-wife like that.”

Remus caved and offered a chocolate to Peter when he opened the box to resume eating its contents. “He’s one to talk, yeah?” he said. 

James gave a low whistle and wiggled his eyebrows at me suggestively. “Stripes is going to be all over you in that suit, Padfoot.” 

I ran a hand through my hair and grinned. “Oh, I know, Prongs.”

A knock at the door caused us to turn around. I waved my wand and the glasses rearranged themselves on the tray. 

“Everyone decent? No nudity?” 

“No exposed body parts, boys?”

James smiled wryly. “Mum, Dad, we’re already dressed.”

Euphemia and Fleamont Potter cracked the door open and positively beamed when they saw us. “Oh, you boys! You all look so handsome!” Euphemia said, bustling over to us with Mr Potter in tow. She stopped in front of me. “Oh, dear. Look how dashing you are,” she said, laying a hand on my cheek tenderly. 

“Looking very dapper, boys,” Fleamont said and embraced his son when he had reached him. 

“My darling boy, you got your hair to lie flat,” Euphemia said, greeting Remus and Peter and then moving on to fuss over her son. 

“Yes, and only this one time for his wedding,” Remus said, making us chuckle. 

“Excuse me, I’ve got to nip out for a moment,” I said, making my way over to the door. 

Euphemia smiled lovingly and I embraced Fleamont before I left. I slipped out of the door and closed it behind me, hearing the murmuring of wedding attendees from the hall. I fiddled with my collar as I went, trying to get it to lie flat, but it was resisting all my efforts, and I gave up when I reached the doorway to the wedding hall. I scanned it for a familiar face. It wasn’t a large event, but everyone was smiling and laughing in the positive atmosphere of the room. Everyone had made an effort and looked presentable, and I saw the bridesmaids talking together. I headed their way. 

“Someone has a visitor,” Mary said when she noticed me approaching. “We can go off and talk somewhere else?” she suggested as the other ladies noticed me. I waited for them to disperse. 

“Hey, kitten,” I said. 

Kersti looked up and her face broke into a brilliant smile. “Bloody hell, old man. You clean up well.”

I laughed and sat beside her, my eyes never leaving her face. “You look beautiful, kitten,” I said, raising a finger to tuck a stray curl behind her ear. 

She smiled, her hazel eyes bright. “I’ve got to look good for Lily’s wedding, don’t I?” Her face got serious. “How’s James holding up? Scared shitless?”

I nodded and slipped her hand into mine. “Scared shitless. We cracked open a bottle of firewhiskey and his parents are giving him some last minute encouragement, so I reckon he’ll make it through the ceremony.”

She smiled and I couldn’t help but return it. I’d never been able to get enough of her smile. “And I know you’ll be an amazing best man too,” she said, intertwining our fingers. Her eyes twinkled. “And a very handsome and sexy one.”

I chuckled and rubbed my thumb over the back of her hand. “I can’t wait to get you out of this dress, kitten.”

Her beautiful mouth curled up at the corners. “I can’t wait to get you out of this suit, old man.”

I grinned and leaned in to press a kiss to her lips. “I look forward to it.” I watched her face for a moment, my eyes drinking in her familiar features that had become so dear to me. I squeezed her hand in mine. “I love you so much.”

She smiled, her hand resting on my cheek. “I love you too, so much.” Her expression grew stern again. “You’d better get going. I think the ceremony is starting soon.”

I chuckled and kissed her again. “Thanks, kitten.”

Kersti smiled tenderly. “Don’t be late, old man. I’ll see you at the reception?”

“I’ll be waiting for you,” I said and flashed her a grin before I headed back to the boys. I couldn’t be late for my best mate’s wedding, especially not when I was his best man. I walked back to the boys, a silly grin on my face. I couldn’t wait to rip that dress off her tonight. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I opened my eyes and found myself laying with my cheek against the burgundy armrest of the couch, still covered by the blanket that Remus had given us. A headache made its presence known almost immediately, no doubt from the dream that I’d had. My legs were stretched out like they had been last night, and my heart leapt into my throat when I felt Sirius’s legs beside mine. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. 

“Morning, kitten,” Sirius said. He was slouching against the armrest, his hands behind his head and a lazy grin on his face. He had clearly been watching me from his vantage point and I didn’t dare ask for how long. 

I rubbed my face and massaged my temples. “God, what time is it?”

“Dunno.”

I lowered my hands and locked eyes with Sirius. I was suddenly hyper aware of our legs that were still intertwined and how handsome he looked, observing me from the other end of the couch, his dark waves tousled. The dream came rushing back to me. I’d been seeing the future through his eyes, at James and Lily’s wedding and I’d seen us, together. My stomach dropped when I thought about future-Sirius telling me that he loved me, and me saying it back. I felt sick. I couldn’t look at him like this, minutes after I’d woken up from having a tender dream about him. My head hurt. I swung my legs so they were planted on the floor, checking to make sure that my wand was in my pocket. I had to get out of here, away from Sirius’s grey-eyed gaze which was still locked on me. I clutched my head and took a few shaky steps forward. 

“Oh, thank Merlin. You’re finally awake.”

I looked up to see James, Lily, Remus and Peter entering the Common Room, on their way back from lunch if the crumbs on Peter’s robes were any indication. My body started shaking as the headache ravaged me. 

Lily took one look at me and concern creased her brow. “Are you alright?”

I glanced at James, who was raising an eyebrow at me and looking at Sirius, who’d gotten up from the couch. He’d been all dressed up in the dream, waiting for his wedding ceremony to begin. The same face that I’d seen in the dream through Sirius’s eyes stared back at me, and Remus looked the same too. Sirius came up to stand beside me, his hands in his pockets. I was getting overwhelmed fast and I had to get out of here before I did something stupid. 

“Are you ill?” Lily asked, taking a step towards me. 

Pain from my headache blurred my vision. “Congratulations on your wedding,” I blurted out. 

James’s eyebrows disappeared into his hairline and he exchanged a look with Lily. “Er… don’t think I got married, last time I checked.”

“My word, Kersti. You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Lily said. 

I clutched my head in my hands. “I have. I always see ghosts,” I said and then I walked to the portrait hole. 

“Merlin, are you still high?” I heard James call after me. 

“Yes!” I shouted over my shoulder and then shot through the portrait hole and sprinted down the corridor as fast as I could while my head pulsed in time with my frantic heartbeat. I raced down corridors and leapt down stairs, ignoring the protests of Filch when I flew by him. I only slowed my pace to a jog when I was running down the hill to the Forbidden Forest, taking a moment to scan my surroundings in case anybody else was out here. I was in luck; I was alone. I ran into the cover of the trees, leaping over tree roots and then shifting mid air to land on my paws. And I was off, cantering on alone through the woods. I ran until my lungs heaved and the joy of being in my animagus form washed away the dream, and then I took my time to leap lightly over fallen trunks and weave around trees in my way. At the very least, I hadn’t completely lost it in public, but that was the only reassuring thing about the haunting dream.


	30. Full Moon Blues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bloom by The Paper Kites

The next week, I skipped Thursday’s dinner and headed to the library to continue my research on memory charms. Even The Pincer was eating in the Great Hall, so I had an hour to myself in the empty library which I spent burying my nose in as many books as I could get my hands on in the Restricted Section. It was certainly easier to concentrate on what I was reading if I didn’t have to pause periodically to listen for footsteps. I stayed quiet in the Restricted Section as I heard the library filling with the noise of other students who had headed up here to do some after-dinner studying. As much as I enjoyed Sirius’s company, I couldn’t have him interrupting me every time I was doing research or else I’d never adequately prepare myself, and so I hoped that he was occupied with some after-dinner mischief with James. However, someone else altogether more unpleasant did interrupt me. 

“Ridgelow!” 

I jolted and dropped the book that I’d been reading. That blond third-year Ravenclaw boy was strutting down the aisle towards me, waving like a spastic puppet in an attempt to catch my attention. 

“Keep your fucking voice down,” I hissed, pausing to look and listen for The Pincer.

The boy smiled, oblivious to my irritation. How in Merlin’s name did someone get their teeth that white? He was looking at me expectantly, scanning me from head to toe like I was some sort of specimen. I rolled my eyes and picked the book up, trying to get back into my reading and hoping that he would take the hint. Of course he didn’t. 

He cleared his throat loudly and started babbling. “You know, it was shockingly difficult to track you down, Ridgelow. Well, not at meal times, since we sit at the same table since we’re both Ravenclaws, but you also skip meals so I didn’t have an opportunity to talk to you then. But I saw you here, and what a perfect opportunity!” 

I growled low in my throat but he either didn’t hear or didn’t care. 

“And I’ve been meaning to ask you again about whether you’ll share your steps to gaining celebrity, and I do indeed have a fabulous shampoo to offer you in return. And,” he said, holding up a finger and giving me a crazed smile, “I can even offer you advice in curating your public image and give you tips about maintaining your fame. See, fame is a tricky business, but I’ve mastered it, and so I really could offer you a lot of helpful advice.”

I turned to look at him, my mouth agape and eyebrows raised. He was smiling so widely that I could see nearly all of his perfectly-white teeth. I shook my head and turned back to my book. 

He laughed and continued, oblivious to my cold body language. “My name, of course you’d know it from the talk around school, is Gilderoy Lockhart.” 

I muffled a laugh with a cough. A pompous name for an equally pompous idiot. 

He blathered on. “Lovely, noble name, isn’t it? My mother named me that, such a bold and suitable name for the future captain of the English Quidditch Team, youngest Minister for Magic-” 

“Shut up, will you?” I said. “I came here to read, not be bothered by a squirt like you.”

He looked at me. “Well, wouldn’t you like to know how to best cultivate your reputation?”

I blew out a breath and snapped my book shut. “No! I want to be left alone before your incessant prattling gets me kicked out of the library,” I hissed, glaring at him. 

Gilderoy’s face remained the same, as if I hadn’t said a single thing. He was still smiling and calm. “Now, I hardly think that’s-”

Someone cleared their throat farther down the aisle. I looked up, fully expecting The Pincer to be charging over like a bull after the bullfighter. I sighed in relief when I saw Remus walking towards us, the gold of his prefect’s badge glinting on his tidy robes. 

Gilderoy opened his mouth again to speak, his blue eyes fixed on me, but Remus beat him to it. “Lockhart, this area is restricted for a reason.”

Gilderoy looked from me to Remus quickly. “But-”

Remus raised an eyebrow at him. “Hmm?”

“You’re not telling her to get out? Am I not famous enough to have a moment in here?” he whined. 

“Lockhart,” Remus said calmly, “I will deal with her as well. If you don’t leave, I will have to see about giving you a detention.” 

Gilderoy spluttered for a moment before he composed himself and spun around, striding out of the Restricted Section and disappearing from view. 

I sighed and smiled. “Alright then, Remus. What’ll my punishment be?”

He shrugged. “Dunno. How about none? I don’t have the energy to scold more than one person right now.”

I studied him, noting his ashen face and wooden expression. “Is it the moon?” 

He nodded and turned his face away from me, distracting himself with the bookshelf in front of us. He furrowed his eyebrows. “Why’re you reading about memory charms?”

Now I was the one turning away. “Er… curiosity. And the Ravenclaw drive to hoard knowledge.”

“I see.”

We lapsed into silence for a while. Remus was scanning the titles of the books as I read over the notes that I jotted down today. I had to reorganize them when I got back to the dormitory or I wouldn’t be able to find the most salient information when I needed to. 

Remus cleared his throat and studied me. “Kersti, can I ask you something?”

I flashed him a smile before I tucked the notes into my pockets. “Sure.”

“Were you scared? When you fought me during the full moon.”

I thought about that for a long while, trying my best to remember what sort of headspace I’d been in when I’d dashed out from behind the tree to save Sirius’s life. “A little, I think. I mean, I knew about how dangerous it was, but when I saw you advancing towards Sirius, I knew I had to do something.”

He watched me. “But you didn’t even know that it was him…”

I shrugged. “Even if I’d known that it were you four, it wouldn’t’ve changed anything. I couldn’t hide behind that tree, watching you… overpower them without stepping in.” I smiled kindly at him. “And anyway, I was pretty confident that Stripes was more evenly matched against a werewolf. Her claws are rather sharp.” Remus gave me a shaky smile but didn’t say anything. “Honestly, Remus, don’t feel bad about it. I didn’t come out any worse for wear, and everyone else came out in one piece too.”

He hummed his agreement and turned back to the bookshelf. I sighed. While I’d seen him in worse condition physically, the psychological burden of being a werewolf clearly was weighing more than the physical one this time around. Was there anything that I could do to get his mind off it?

I swallowed. “I’m not sure about you, but I find it rather hard to pretend to be ‘normal’ sometimes. And coping with it all is difficult at the best of times. Not to mention there’s always the fear in the back of my mind that someone’s trying to or has already found out about me. Sometimes I find trying to hide it is more painful than the actual curse itself, you know?”

He nodded. “What’s your… curse like?” he asked quietly. 

I smiled ruefully to myself and ran a finger down the spine of a book. “It’s hard to explain. It makes it dangerous for me, very dangerous, for different reasons than your condition. It’s very… isolating.”

He nodded and looked at me. “What you said, last time… last time we talked, that in particular resonated with me. Even if I have my friends during the transformations, fortunately they’ll never know what it’s like. But, in a way, that fact also isolates me. I’d never wish for any of them to become what I am, but there is a certain… loneliness about my suffering. And the prejudice against us in the wizarding world is terrifying. Especially with books like _Lupine Lawlessness_ being written.”

“I could never imagine that, how stressful it must be, to know that if anyone ever found out…”

Remus looked down at his shoes. “It’s never far from my mind. And I’m very lucky that I get to attend Hogwarts in the first place.” I nodded. “How do you cope?”

I chuckled. “In all honesty, I don’t. I run away from it and drown it out. Hence the smoking.” I took a deep breath, unsure of whether I should tell him more. But I wanted to empathize with him, and so far me sharing about my curse was good for that. I swallowed.

“Why’re you an animagus?” he said so quietly that I nearly didn’t hear it. 

“It’s… it was to challenge myself intellectually. I read about it and wanted a challenge, I guess. But it also helps me… cope. I like roaming the woods at night to settle my mind.”

“Is that why you were in the forest that night?”

“Yeah.”

“How often do you go there at night?”

I shrugged. “Often enough. Usually several times a week.” There was a moment of silence, the unsaid words weighing in the air, until I broke it. “Is there anything at all to help with your condition, Remus?”

He shook his head bitterly. “No.” He frowned and furrowed his eyebrows, mulling over something, but he didn’t elaborate. 

“Ever since I became an animagus, I’ve considered Stripes to be the other side of my personality, like two side of the same coin. If you don’t mind me asking, is it the same with you and…?”

“With me and Moony?” I nodded. “Yeah, something like that. I try not to… acknowledge that side of me though. I think it’s best left untouched, except for when I have to face it every full moon. Mostly I try to ignore it, to run away like you said…” He trailed off miserably. 

I looked at him, with his hunched posture, the pallor of his face and the sadness that seemed to radiate from him in waves. “You’re not your curse, you know,” I said. “It’s a large part of who you are, but it’s not everything. You don’t have to feel like you’re a bad person because you suffer from something bad that wasn’t your fault.”

He jerked his head around to meet my gaze, and I realized that I had hit much closer to the mark than I’d thought. For a second, I was worried that he would be annoyed that I’d guessed his feelings correctly, but then a small smile shaped his lips. “Thanks, Kersti,” he said quietly. 

I smiled. “You’re welcome.” I cleared my throat and looked back to the bookshelf. “I… I wish I could tell you about my curse, I really do, but… anyone I’d tell would be in danger and I couldn’t live with myself if I caused someone harm because I couldn’t hold my tongue. But rest assured, Remus, I do know what it’s like to suffer from a curse. Granted, not the same as you, but still…” I fidgeted for a moment. “If you ever want to talk about it, I, er… you could always talk to me. It’s hard sometimes, with ‘normal people.’ Even if they’re extremely close to you, it isn’t the same if they don’t know what it’s like to bear such a burden. This is really the only thing my… problem has been useful for- the empathy for other people who are cursed.”

He smiled and smoothed the front of his robes, but didn’t say anything. And yet I could sense that he appreciated my offer very much, and that he was so withdrawn because of the impending moonrise. 

“Er… I should go, I said I’d meet Prongs, Wormtail and Padfoot soon,” he said, checking his wristwatch. “They’ll probably meet me outside the library.” I nodded and kept my eyes focussed on the books. “Do you, er… do you want to come?” 

I smiled. “Sure.”

Remus and I left the library without a hitch and went to stand in the corridor outside the doors to wait for his full-moon entourage to pick him up for that night’s seance. We didn’t say much, and I didn’t want to force him to talk when he was clearly feeling shitty about his imminent transformation.

“You ready, Moony?” 

Remus smiled by way of greeting to James, Sirius and Peter when they arrived. “Ready as I’ll ever be, Prongs.”

“Nice to see you this evening, kitten,” Sirius said, grinning. 

“Nice to see you too, old man,” I replied, returning the grin. 

“You’re not coming with us, are you?” Peter asked, eyes narrowed and not bothering to conceal the suspicion in his voice. 

I laughed. “No. No, thank you. That was a one-time occurrence and I’ve got other things to do.”

James reached up to ruffle the top of Remus’s head affectionately. “Better get a move on, Moony. Enjoy your evening, Stripes.”

“Likewise, Rotter,” I said as he started walking with Remus down the corridor. 

Sirius pinched my arse on his way by and grinned over his shoulder at me. “Bye, kitten.”

“Bye, old man. Have fun.”

Peter shot me a dirty look and scurried after his three friends, who were jostling and bugging each other as they walked away from me. I watched their retreating backs until they rounded a corner and disappeared. I stood there for a long moment, and like a dreadful itch that grew the longer I left it, so did my curiosity. I was itching to follow them outside, to presumably the Whomping Willow, but did I dare? I wouldn’t be in danger, but if they caught me snooping I would be facing their wrath. Not to mention that I didn’t want to lose Sirius’s respect if he caught me. Their full moon antics were none of my business, but I grew more and more curious with every minute until I couldn’t bear it any longer. I padded down the corridor and descended the same flight of stairs that they had, and then tiptoed on in their footsteps. 

I went without a noise, and when I slipped outside I could see them approaching the Whomping Willow. I made sure to stay in the shadows and peek out from hiding spots in case they happened to look over their shoulders. They were silent now, no longer bantering and joking, since they were breaking curfew and wouldn’t want to be caught. Yet, they were confident when they stopped within a safe distance of the Whomping Willow. This was their monthly routine. I watched as Peter shifted into his animagus form and scurried towards the murderous tree, climbing up to touch a gnarled knot on its trunk. It froze and Peter transformed back, and then the four of them disappeared down a tunnel that was hidden at the very base of the tree. I waited a long time after they had vanished, and then I crept out of my hiding spot and close to the Whomping Willow. It returned to its usual violent self and made a brief move to lash me with a branch, until it realized that I was out of its reach. Now that I knew what I was looking for, I could see the secret passage that opened up like a dark mouth from underneath the Willow. I tried to make out the inside, but it was too dark even for my tiger eyes. I chewed my lip as I stood in front of the tree, resisting the burning urge to freeze the tree and go into the passage myself to have a look. I’d never been to the Shrieking Shack either, and Remus had told me that this passage led there. 

“Fuck,” I whispered to myself. I knew that I couldn’t go down there to infringe on their full-moon jaunt, even though curiosity was eating the cat from the inside out. I rubbed my face and turned away. I needed to stash my bookbag in the dormitory anyway, and then I’d come back down to roam the forest alone.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I made sure to stalk the Forbidden Forest closer to the castle and Hagrid’s hut that night. The last thing that I wanted was to accidentally run into the boys and then have them think that I’d been spying on them. I feared that if that happened, Sirius would become cross with me and burn the tenuous bridge that we’d built, and I didn’t want that. As I padded around trees, along streams and through ravines, my mind kept wandering to Sirius. To think that he was out there in the night, running and playing and exploring under the light of the full moon, ignorant to my presence… It made my heart ache. I’d been so tempted to follow them, but I couldn’t do that. And I was jealous, thinking about the bond that the boys shared not only in their day to day lives, but during full moons. There was a sense of magic to sneaking around with your friends like they did, in more ways than one. I knew that spending full moons together was their secret world, something that only the four of them would experience together, and I was not invited. I had no right to infringe upon them, to insert myself into the adventure of a full moon. And that night, as my head drooped and my tail dragged along the ground, I felt the loneliest that I had in a long time. 

I made my way to the edge of the forest nearest to the castle as the sky began to grow red with the rising sun. The light hadn’t yet pierced the thick canopy and from the shade of the sky above I could tell that I still had a little more time left before I had to resume my human form. I found a wide hollow in the woods very near to Hagrid’s hut, but still far enough away that no one could hear or see me. I lied down on a covering of fallen leaves. I rested my head on my paws and flicked my ears, listening to the twittering of the birds and the sounds of the forest’s wildlife waking up all around me. A squirrel crawled down a tree and bolted across the ground when it saw me. I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if I ever encountered a proper tiger. Would we be able to communicate? Would it recognize me for what I truly was? Was my behaviour in my animagus form much too human to let me blend in with other tigers? 

In the distance, I heard creatures’ footfalls. I flicked an ear to where the sound was coming from and jolted to my paws when I heard it quickly growing louder. I found a shorter tree with some lower branches and dashed over to it, launching myself up with my back legs and digging my claws into the trunk. No sooner had I gotten to a wide branch twenty feet from the ground and tucked my long tail out of view when the creatures burst into the clearing and slid to a stop, bumping into each other with the momentum of their sprint. My heart leapt into my throat. As soon as I’d heard the footfalls, I’d suspected, but this confirmed it. Below me in the hollow, I watched with bated breath as Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs gathered together. Of all places, why did they have to come here? Why did I have such bad luck? But all I could do was crouch and stay silent, watching them and hoping with everything I had that they wouldn’t look up and see me. 

My eyes were immediately drawn to the massive black dog as he shook himself and wagged his tail, mouth open as he panted from the exertion. He was handsome, with his lithe body and proud stature, with upright ears and a dark, glossy coat. As Padfoot, he still had his grey eyes that I admired so much. Without the pressures of being scrutinized and observed like in school, he was free to be himself. He wagged his tail and leapt about, unabashed joy in his every move. I liked seeing him like this. He was so happy, so carefree, and I was struck by an intense longing to be down there with him, to watch him and share in his joy. I watched Prongs, with his ornate antlers and springy legs, the grey werewolf Moony, and finally, barely visible due to his size, was Wormtail the rat. 

I shifted in my crouched position on the tree branch, my claws sinking into the bark, and watched as Moony’s form gradually faded and left a weak and tired Remus in his place. He was lying on the ground like he had when I’d seen him transform back, but he wasn’t shivering or as beat up as he’d been then. I looked away, not wanting to be a peeping Tom, and watched Padfoot instead. In one graceful motion, Padfoot gave way to Sirius. He transformed back so smoothly, with the poise and grace of a dancer, leaving Sirius standing tall and handsome in the forest. James was equally smooth in his transformation, while Peter ended up still sitting on the forest floor, his hair full of leaves and twigs. 

Sirius barked with laughter and went over to him. “Wormtail, it’s not that difficult. You have to stand up while you’re shifting, and then you’ll end up on your feet,” he said, hauling his dorky friend up with a hand. 

Peter started picking the debris out of his hair. “S’harder than it looks.”

Sirius shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. “Need to practice more, mate.”

Peter grumbled something inaudibly.

“How’re you feeling, Moony?” James said, helping Remus stand now that he was clothed. 

He smiled, his face looking pale but his eyes bright. “Not too bad, not rubbish. I’m feeling the best I have in a while, actually.”

James clapped him on the back. “Just wait until you’ve had some of your Chocolate Frog stash.”

Remus laughed, which made his face look pleasantly carefree. “Thank Merlin for Chocolate Frogs.”

“I’ve got that bottle of firewhiskey under my bed if you want some,” Sirius said with a mischievous grin. 

“Thank you, but-”

“‘But I’ll pass,’” Sirius finished. “You say that everytime. Doesn’t hurt to try.”

“I’m not prohibiting _you_ from taking a swig. It doesn’t matter to me if you take a shot of firewhiskey first thing in the morning,” Remus said, smiling. 

James snorted and readjusted his glasses on his nose. “Haven’t you noticed, Moony? This year he’s got something else that he does every morning.”

Sirius scoffed. “Oh, really? Come on, out with it. What is it that I do every morning this year?”

James grinned. “Really, Padfoot? You think I’ve not noticed?”

Peter was looking from Sirius to James in confusion. “Noticed what?”

“Every morning you check the Map.”

Sirius scoffed but said nothing. 

“And now you sleep with it right next to your bed,” James said, his face the picture of mischief. 

“If you want it so badly, you can take it,” Sirius said, sounding nonchalant. 

James chuckled and looked at him. “I don’t need to check it every morning. Evans isn’t in the habit of skipping meals and classes.”

Sirius made an exasperated sound. “Come off it. Who says I’m not checking to see what greasy Snivellus is doing? We all know how he loves to follow us around, trying to get us expelled.”

James grinned even wider. “Bloody hell, Padfoot. I didn’t know you had a thing for Snivellus now.”

Remus tried to muffle his laughter with a coughing fit, and Sirius glared at him and James. “Fuck’s sakes,” he muttered. 

“I never said it was bad. It’s nice to see you curious about someone else for a change,” James continued. 

“I was plenty curious about becoming an animagus and finding out why Moony kept giving us the slip once a month in first year,” Sirius retorted. “Since when am I a self-centered git?”

Remus sighed. “That’s not what he meant, Padfoot.”

James was chuckling. “He knows that’s not what I meant, Moony. He’s just too stubborn to admit I’m getting at something.”

Sirius threw his hands up in the air. James was certainly good at ruffling his feathers. “Out with it, Prongs. What exactly are you getting at?”

James grinned, sensing his success. “Going to ask her to Hogsmeade again, Padfoot? The next trip is in a fortnight.”

“I check the Map with Padfoot too,” Peter blurted out, no doubt with the intention of taking Sirius’s side. 

James laughed. “I didn’t know you fancied her, Wormtail.”

Peter flushed with irritation. “You don’t think it’s suspicious? She does more sneaking around than Snivellus, going to the forest at night and interfering during a full moon and-”

“Wormtail,” Remus said sternly. “We’ve already talked about that full moon. I’ve made my opinion on the matter very clear.” 

I cringed inside. I needed to get away and not be stuck up in this goddamn tree, listening to them talk about me when I shouldn’t be. I started shifting as slowly and quietly as I could, moving off my branch to the next lowest one, one paw at a time. 

“I don’t see why you’re making such a fuss, Prongs,” Sirius said. “It’s not nearly as bad as you following Evans and Snivellus around in fifth year with the Invisibility Cloak.”

James was unperturbed by the accusation. “And whose idea was it to follow them in the library, Padfoot?”

“Yours. You wanted to get revenge after the Polyjuice Potion.”

“No, I only went along because you convinced me to.”

“Prongs, honestly. You’re not going to force him into admitting what you want him to,” Remus said as I lowered myself onto another branch, the trunk and dense branches shielding me from view. 

“I’m not allowed to comment on it, Moony? It’s the first time Padfoot’s been properly interested in a girl and-”

“If this is the first time, Prongs, then why have I shagged so many of them?” Sirius said, sounding irritated. 

“That hardly counts, Padfoot. You’ve never, ever taken the time to talk to them, much less spend as much time with them as you do with her.”

“Prongs, stop,” Remus snapped. “You’re prying now. If Padfoot wants to tell us about something, he’ll do it on his own time.”

“See? Thank you, Moony,” Sirius said. 

I was crouching on the lowest branch of the tree, a mere ten feet between me and the ground. All I had to do was land silently and then I could get away. I glanced over at the boys as a light breeze ruffled my fur, realizing that I was lucky that Sirius had been too distracted when he’d run into the clearing for him to smell my scent on the ground, and that he’d covered it with his own tracks. I gathered my haunches underneath me and eyed the ground below, raising my tail for balance. I leaned forward in preparation to jump but I’d retracted my claws and so I lost my balance and made a sloppy jump to the ground, landing on my feet but with an audible thud. 

“What was that?” Peter said with a note of fear in his voice. 

“Probably nothing, Wormtail,” Sirius said. 

I crouched behind some undergrowth, my stripes helping camouflage me. I could see the boys standing in the clearing through the foliage; Sirius and Peter were closest to me. I had to sneak away before I attracted their attention because the bush in front of me was not thick enough to completely hide me from view. I had crept backwards several feet already when the breeze returned, blowing by me towards the clearing and running its fingers through my coat on the way by. 

“Prongs, if-” Sirius started to say when he fell quiet. 

“Padfoot?” James asked, raising an eyebrow at his friend. 

Sirius had gone very still and I realized that the wind had blown my scent right towards him. I started backing up even faster as he slowly turned to look at the patch of undergrowth that was concealing me. His dark eyebrows were drawn low in puzzlement, his eyes staring fixedly at the location from which my scent was blowing. Fuck. Even when he was perplexed, Sirius was ridiculously handsome. I took several more steps backwards, and to my chagrin I couldn’t help but think about when I could shag him next. Merlin. 

“Come on, Padfoot,” James said, walking towards where the trees thinned at the edge of the forest. 

Sirius was still standing frozen, eyes locked on my location, until Peter spoke. “I don’t smell anything, Padfoot.”

Sirius shook his head, as if ridding himself of an annoying fly that was buzzing around his head. “Come on, Wormtail,” he said, turning and heading off after James and Remus. “I need to check the Marauders’ Map before breakfast.”

I heard James laughing in the distance. “What’d I tell you, Moony! Going to check the Map as soon as we drop you off. Right, Padfoot?”

“Piss off,” Sirius said, letting out a bark of laughter. 

I watched the boys hike out of the clearing and changed tactics, following them in the shadows at a safe enough distance that they couldn’t see me if they turned around. I could hear their muffled conversation but they were out of sight, until I paused right on the edge of the treeline and stopped to watch them chasing each other up the grassy hill and back to the castle. I waited for a while until I reckoned that they were sufficiently on their way up to drop Remus off to the Hospital Wing, and then I transformed back and headed up into the castle. I decided to wait for Lily outside the Great Hall, as that way I’d catch her before she headed into breakfast and I could tell her quickly about what I’d heard. I wouldn’t have time to catch her outside of Charms that morning because I needed to run back up to the dormitory after breakfast to get my bookbag. Of course James Potter, King of Mischief, had an invisibility cloak. No wonder he’d gotten away with so much. At least now I knew what that blasted ‘tracking device’ was too. 

I didn’t have to wait long outside the doors to the Hall; Lily came down fairly early, laughing and talking with Mary, Marlene and Dorcas. I waved to her. 

She smiled. “Hi, Kersti. What’re you doing out here?”

I was practically vibrating with excitement. I couldn’t wait to tell her. “Lily, you will never believe what I found out.”

Her eyebrows went up. “It must be significant, you look like you can’t contain yourself.” She smiled at Dorcas, Mary and Marlene. “Go on without me, I’ll be there in a moment.”

She turned to look at me when the other Gryffindor girls were out of earshot. “Well? What’s the news?” she said, a smile shaping her lips. 

“It’s a map. The tracking device is a map,” I blurted out. 

She did a double take. “A map?”

“And they snuck up on us in the library with a cloak of invisibility.”

Her eyebrows were nearly at her hairline, her eyes wide. “Really? But they’re incredibly rare and expensive. How’d they get their hands on one?”

I shrugged. “Dunno. But it’s a map and an invisibility cloak, that I know for sure.”

She tilted her head. “Did they tell you? Did Black tell you? How’d you find out?”

“Er, I accidentally overheard them talking about it. They said it themselves.”

Lily stared off into the distance for so long that I was about to ask her what she was thinking about, when she suddenly spoke. “Merlin!”

“What?”

“The map, did they say what it looks like?”

I shook my head. “No.”

We stood in silence for a long moment, both lost in thought. The flow of students towards the Great Hall was growing and we were receiving some odd looks as other students passed us. 

“Fuck!” I exclaimed so abruptly that Lily started. “I think I’ve seen it before.”

“Really? When?”

“The day of Sirius’s birthday. I told him to find me in the castle to meet me in the evening, since I knew I wouldn’t need to tell him where I was going to be. And he was carrying a spare bit of parchment in his pocket. He pulled it out and showed me.”

Lily’s eyes lit up. “What did it have on it?”

“That’s the thing, it was blank. But he never elaborated about what it was. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but it seems so unlike him to be carrying around random bits of parchment in his trouser pockets.”

Lily shifted the strap of her bookbag on her shoulder. “Since it’s a map, it would make sense that it’d be a magical map on parchment. And we already know that it’s a physical object.”

We stood there in silence again, mulling over what we knew so far. I was so busy concentrating on fitting the pieces of the puzzle together that I didn’t notice Avery, Mulciber and Rosier stopping in front of us until their ringleader spoke. “Where’s your blood traitor, Grindylow?” Avery spat. 

I snarled. “What’re you doing here, Avery? Shouldn’t you be off torturing puppies?”

He laughed. “Yeah, fancy coming with me to watch?”

“No, sorry. I’m not feeling bloodthirsty enough today, but clearly you always are.”

The three of them guffawed. “What a compliment, Grindylow,” Rosier said with a nasty grin. 

Lily gave them all a disparaging look. “Avery, Mulciber, Rosier, go away or I’ll start docking House points and giving you detentions.”

“Ooohhh, Evans. How scary,” Rosier said. 

“Ah, boys! There you are. How lovely to see some of my best seventh-year boys first thing in the morning,” Slughorn said as he stopped on his way into the Great Hall. “And good morning, Miss Evans.” The boys greeted their Head-of-House and to our relief, Slughorn swept them off with him on his way in, peppering them with questions about what their parents and other pureblood family members were accomplishing in their adult lives after Hogwarts. 

Lily tucked some hair behind her ears and let out a big breath. “Crisis averted.”

“Crisis averted,” I agreed. 

She went back to mulling over the new information that I’d given her, biting her lip. “Hypothetically, let’s say we had a magical map. A map that let us find whomever we wanted and which wasn’t fooled by even the Polyjuice Potion…” She trailed off and we looked at each other. “It would make a lot of sense if we were to… enchant the map to make sure that only we could read it, wouldn’t it?”

“Fuck, of course! D’you reckon they used magic to make it appear blank when they’re not using it?”

She nodded. “I wish that we could have a look at it in person.”

I chuckled. “But then we’d have to tell them how we figured it out. And I don’t want to tell them I happened to hear them talking about it, they might accuse me of being a stalker.”

She giggled and then sighed. “I hate to admit it, but I reckon we wouldn’t have found out what it was if you hadn’t overheard them. I was well and truly stumped.”

“Wonder when they first… got it? Or did they make it? Can you buy magical maps at Zonko’s?”

Lily shook her head. “It sounds too sophisticated to be from Zonko’s. And if you could buy them, then why have we never heard of them? Invisibility cloaks are exceptionally rare but I’ve heard of them.”

I hummed in agreement and stared through the doors of the Great Hall, lost in thought. How did one go about enchanting a piece of parchment to track people? I moved to stand next to Lily, avoiding being run over by a gaggle of second-year boys who were racing each other into the Hall. The babble inside was growing louder as the benches filled with more and more students with each passing minute. 

“Shit!” Lily exclaimed. 

“What? What is it?” I said, looking at her in alarm. 

She was grinning at me. “I know how they did it! At least, I think I know how. In fifth year, when I still thought James was an arrogant toerag, he cornered me in the library in the evening. He was trying to ask me if I’d read anything about the Homonculous charm. He was very persistent and wouldn’t leave me alone until I told him to check the section in the library that would have books about it. I didn’t think much of it, except I went and looked up the charm later.”

“What does the charm do?”

“It tracks all the people in a certain area when cast onto a map.”

I stared at Lily. “That’s it!”

We laughed and high-fived. “We did it!” 

Some fourth-years walked by us and gave us weird looks, wondering why we were celebrating outside the doors like our House team had won the Quidditch Cup. When they moved into the Hall, I started shimmying and doing a victory dance, and Lily burst out laughing. 

“Merlin’s arsehole!” 

Lily and I stopped laughing and I stilled, looking very guilty as James, Sirius and Peter walked towards us. My stomach flip-flopped when I saw Sirius, his hands in his pockets and his eyes drinking me in. I swallowed and cleared my throat. 

“Hey, old man,” I said, watching him with equal intensity. I took in his dark curls, full lips, and cheekbones, wishing that I could drag him off into a broom cupboard right now to shag him. 

“Hey, kitten,” he said, a smirk shaping his lips. His gaze fell to my mouth and I knew that he was thinking along the same lines that I was. 

James wrapped an arm around Lily. “You two looked very enthusiastic,” he said, smiling down at his girlfriend. 

Lily avoided the question. “Where’s Remus?” she asked. 

James and Sirius exchanged the briefest of glances before Sirius spoke calmly. “His aunt is sick again. He had to go visit her in London.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” she said. “Send him my condolences, will you?”

He nodded and Peter began biting his fingernails. Sirius turned his attention away from Lily and my heart leapt when he stared at me. “Kitten, you’ve got… leaves in your hair,” he said and chuckled. 

My hands flew to my hair, which I was wearing down around my shoulders. “Really? Where?”

“Oh, dear. I see them now,” Lily said. 

I ran my hands over my head. “I can’t even feel them. How’s that even possible? How much is in there?”

“Quite a bit.”

“Shit.” I sighed and met Sirius’s eyes. “Could you help me get them out, old man?”

He grinned, his grey eyes twinkling. “Of course, kitten.” I turned slightly away from him so that he could begin trying to pick the foliage out. I’d obviously forgotten to clean myself up from the forest before I’d headed back inside. I shivered when I felt his fingers brush my back as he plucked organic matter from my hair, and I tried not to jump in surprise when he pinched my arse when no one was looking. Sneaky dog. 

“How did you get leaves in your hair, Kersti?” Lily asked me, wiggling her eyebrows knowingly at me and Sirius. 

“Dunno,” I said and shrugged. 

“All done, kitten.”

I flashed Sirius a grin. “Thanks, old man.” I looked down at my feet and laughed at the bits of leaves on the stone floor. “Jesus Christ, I had a whole tree up there.”

James shrugged and looked away from watching Lily, who was blushing under his arm. “At least you don’t have a stick up your arse.”

I started laughing so hard that I wheezed, the combination of my stress and lack of sleep driving me to hysterics. 

James raised an eyebrow at me laughing my head off and looked at Sirius. “Usually you’re the one to make her laugh, Padfoot,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Sirius rolled his eyes and grumbled something inaudible. 

“Kersti?” 

I was wiping the tears from my eyes, still laughing sporadically when Emily, Tess and Lia stopped on their way into the Hall. I laughed and waved goodbye to Lily and blew Sirius a kiss before I joined the girls and walked with them through the doors. Just before we entered, I looked back and found Sirius still watching me, and when our eyes met a brilliant grin split his face. I couldn’t help the warm feeling in my chest when I thought about how I was responsible for such a smile. Then again, I was also grinning like a simpleton as I walked away. I couldn’t explain it, but somehow we made each other happy, and there was nothing wrong with that. 


	31. Public Enemy Number One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howlin’ for You by The Black Keys

“But you swept the floor with Hufflepuff last match, so why are you worried? You all played a phenomenal game.”

“That’s different.”

“Why?” 

“Because it’s Hufflepuff! We’re up against the bloody Gryffindors this Saturday, and they’ve been playing really well this year.”

“Yeah, but they’re up against you and Southgate. Come on, Tess. You’ll be brilliant.”

I looked up from my book. Emily and Lia were trying to give Tess a pep-talk for this Saturday’s quidditch match outside D.A.D.A. while I tried to read a book that I’d nicked about memory charms. We were here earlier than usual, so the corridor wasn’t full students’ chatter, and that also meant that Avery and his lackeys weren’t here either. 

Emily’s elbow nudging me drew my attention back to their conversation. “Are you coming with us? To the match in four days?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” I said, half-heartedly keeping an eye out for Mr. Slytherin Blood Purist. 

“Fuck, sound a bit less enthusiastic, why don’t you?” Tess grumbled. 

I didn’t respond. I turned back to my book, worry and stress knotting the muscles in my head, neck and shoulders and making my insides churn. It wasn’t as if they had to go back to their families in less than a month and obliviate them. The closer that the Christmas holidays grew, the more tense and nauseous I’d become, and the more I’d wanted to channel my anger into getting revenge on Avery. My nighttime prowling was doing little to settle my stress, and I was getting more peeved than Peeves. It was people like Avery, those who had the same beliefs, who were forcing me into obliviating my family, and who made it so dangerous for me to be a Muggleborn and a Seer. I waved to Lily as she walked by us in the corridor, blushing and talking with her Gryffindor friends, and took another look round for Avery. 

“No! Why’re you coming over here, arsehole? Does it look like I want to see you any more than I have to on the pitch?” Tess blurted out. 

“Bloody hell, you don’t honestly think I _want_ to be over here, do you?”

“Fancy seeing you here, Rotter,” I said as the Marauders arrived at the scene. Tess, Lia and Emily stood together, leaving me stuck standing awkwardly between the two groups, not properly part of either. 

“Try not to smile too much, traitor,” Tess said, making a face at me. 

“Hey, kitten,” Sirius said, casually dropping an arm around my shoulders and grinning at me. 

“Hey, old man. Clearly Lily’s not here, Rotter,” I said to James. “So why’re you over here?”

James flashed me an impish smile and nodded at Tess, who was scowling at him. “Padfoot and I are here to intimidate the competition, Stripes.”

“Some intimidation you’re doing there, Black,” Tess muttered, not giving him the satisfaction of glaring at him; she glared at me instead. 

Sirius laughed and looked at me. “I’m not here to intimidate her, Rhodes.”

“Christ Almighty, I feel so safe now,” I said, laughing and side stepping out from under his arm. I swept my gaze over the corridor and saw Avery amongst some other Slytherins, talking and looking pompous as ever. “Do you fancy doing something about that snake today, old man?”

Sirius grinned, his grey eyes twinkling. “Of course, kitten. Have anything in mind?”

“Find me this evening to hunt him down?”

He feigned surprise. “Really? Are you sure? Should I bring my wand or leave it in the dormitory?”

Sirius and I cracked up while James wiggled his eyebrows at us knowingly. “I told you, Moony. I knew he was going to get distracted.”

Sirius huffed while Remus and James chuckled. “I’m not distracted, Prongs.” He grinned savagely at Tess. “There will be no mercy, Rhodes, and we’ll beat you and your team so badly, you’ll wish you’d never picked up a broom.”

“Piss off!”

“Get out of here, old man,” I said, laughing and shooing the boys away. 

Sirius grinned at me over his shoulder as he followed the boys. “I’ll find you this evening, kitten, and then we’ll hunt down Avery together.”

“See you then, old man,” I said and blew him a kiss. 

Emily and Lia were giggling as the boys joined forces with the other Gryffindors, and then they turned to me and gave me knowing looks. All I gave them was a wry smile before I tucked my nose back into my book. I needed all the time that I could get to do my research and to think about what hexes and jinxes that I’d be using on Avery this time around.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Evening found me sitting on the stone benches outside the Great Hall, reading another book on memory charms while I waited for Sirius. I’d sat on this same bench at the beginning of October, waiting for Sirius to join me for a midnight trip to the Dungeons to nick potion ingredients. So much had changed in the past couple of months, but then again, my seventh year from the very beginning had been shaken upside down by him. It was too bad that we couldn’t use the Invisibility Cloak that the boys had access to, but I wasn’t about to let on that I had accidentally been eavesdropping. At least Sirius could use the Map (which I wasn’t supposed to know about) to see where Avery and his cronies were, and then he’d lead us there to hex them into next year. 

I’d been thinking a bit about what I’d heard in the forest, not only about the revelation of the Map and the cloak of invisibility, but also about what James had been implying. Sure, I couldn’t deny that Sirius treated me differently than other girls, but did that necessarily mean that he fancied me and felt more for me than our current friends-with-benefits set up? And did I want more with him? The intimate dreams that I’d had of him were all the more taunting now, and I wished that I could shut off my dreams about him for at least a few months while we were growing closer together, because I hated being caught between dreams of a future with him and the current status of our weird friendship. Of course I’d had the most invasive dream about him where I was viewing the future through his eyes and I’d essentially become him for the duration of the wedding scene. How did I reconcile the scenes that I’d seen of us in love with present-day Sirius and Kersti? I rubbed my face in frustration and forced myself to not linger on my dreams. I couldn’t start acting all weird when Sirius showed up. 

“Oi! Kitten!”

I looked up and saw Sirius standing at the top of the stairs, grinning like the handsome devil he was. “Hey, old man.”

He made a come-hither gesture. “Come on, kitten. We’ve got trouble to stir up.”

I laughed and _reducio_ -ed my book, tucking it into my pocket and then taking the stairs two at a time. I was breathless when I reached him at the top. Sirius’s eyes were beautifully alight as he rocked back and forth on his heels casually. “Where’d you find them, old man?”

He leaned in to whisper in my ear, his warm breath tickling my cheek. “Snivellus was in the library and I made sure he saw me wandering around, so now he’s following me. Stupid git is hiding round that corner over there, thinking I can’t hear him.”

“What about Avery?” I whispered back. 

“Up a couple floors, found him with the Ma-”

“The what?”

His eyes were wide. “Nothing. The, er, ‘tracking device’ as you and Evans call it.”

I shoved him playfully. “Dunno, sounded like you were about to reveal what it was.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Never. Come on, kitten. We’ve got to catch him before he drops his trousers.”

I laughed. “What?”

“He’s with a Slytherin bird, they’re probably going to start shagging any minute now.”

I giggled. “Let’s get going, old man. I don’t want to see any more of Avery than I have to.”

We grinned and walked down the corridor, trying to muffle our laughter in our palms, attempting to look like rule-abiding, respectable students, and pretending to not hear Snape trailing us. The poor bloke thought that he was being stealthy but he was no match for my tiger hearing and Sirius’s dog nose. 

“Does Snape smell strongly?” I whispered, leaning close to Sirius. 

He brought his mouth next to my ear. “Yeah, positively reeks. It’s really hard for me to not plug my nose when he’s around.”

“Not jealous of you in that respect,” I said, earning a chuckle from him. 

We reached the sixth floor and Sirius led me down an empty corridor filled with disused classrooms, the sort of corridor that everyone knew was a hotspot for finding couples snogging in alcoves and corners. With our animagi ears, we easily heard the muffled giggles and snickering of a couple hiding in the corridor, and we grinned at each other before we headed that way, Snape following us all the while. 

“This is brilliant, kitten,” Sirius said to me, feigning surprise as we came upon Avery and the girl snogging. “We found our dear friend Avery.”

Avery disentangled himself from the girl and stood up quickly, glowering at us facing him. His eyes bounced from me to Sirius. “Fancy seeing you here, Black and Grindylow. Come to get hexed into oblivion?”

Sirius barked out a laugh, his wand already drawn. “Come off it, Avery. This is hardly an even match for you.” 

Avery growled and faced us, drawing his own wand. The girl who’d been with him took one look at the boys sizing each other up and ran off down the corridor. Smart girl. 

“How nice of you to join us, Snivellus,” Sirius said as Snape came creeping out of a shadow to join his friend. He was rolling up his sleeves as he went, his face twisted in anger. 

“You’d be so stupid as to set us up, Grindylow? You must really have a deathwish,” Avery spat. 

I grinned and drew my wand. “Just coming through on my promise to ruin your life, and I’m sharing the fun with someone else.”

Sirius shot me a last grin before he cast a non-verbal spell. Snape started coughing and clutching at his throat, suffering under the effects of the pepper breath hex. Steam started emitting from his mouth like he was the Hogwarts Express pulling out of Hogsmeade station. Sirius and I didn’t have much time to laugh at the sight, because Avery countered. 

“ _Ventus_!” he said.

I was suddenly hit by a force of wind so strong that my robes billowed out behind me and my skirt flipped up to reveal my tights and knickers to Avery. He cackled as he and Snape caught a glimpse of what was under my skirt. I struggled to pull my robes around me and hold my uniform down to shield myself. 

“Thanks for showing me your knickers, Grindylow. It’s a shame Black doesn’t want to share,” Avery jeered. Before he had time to react, I hit him with my own hex. Avery bent over and started retching fat slugs onto the floor. 

Sirius high-fived me. “Nice one, kitten.” He pointed his wand at Snape, whose ears started twitching, even as his breath remained fiery. 

“ _Tarantallegra_ ,” I said with a lazy flick of my wand, and now Avery was doing a frenzied tap dance while slugs continued to spew from his open mouth. 

Sirius pretended to yawn and waved his wand, and Snape’s head began growing at an alarming rate. 

“What did you just use on him, old man?” I asked, lowering my wand to watch Snape’s swelling head. 

“Illegal growth hex. Used it on Bertram Aubrey last year with Prongs. Wicked, yeah?” he said, grinning from ear to ear. 

“It’s… certainly something.” I turned to him. “Why’d you and Rotter use it on Aubrey?”

He shrugged, watching Snape and Avery struggling under the effects of our hexes. “Because why not. He was being a git. And I was bored because we couldn’t find Snivellus.”

I smiled wryly. “Sneaky old man.”

He turned to meet my gaze. “Look at you, kitten, jinxing the shit out of Avery. You’ll make me so proud, I think I might tear up,” he said, pretending to wipe his eyes. 

I snorted and rolled my eyes, then used the stickfast hex to make sure Snape couldn’t go anywhere. “You’ve had so much practice, you make duelling look easy.”

Sirius ran a hand through his hair. “Like I said, you’re learning from the best.”

I cocked my head, watching Avery and Snape. “Should we continue? I feel like we’ve successfully humiliated them, not to mention I cock blocked Avery.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, a smirk shaping his lips. “You’re really going to stop when we’ve got them like this? I don’t think we’ve done enough yet.”

I shrugged. “It’s no fun now. It’s not even a fight since they’re overpowered.”

“True. And there’s no one to watch them be humiliated.”

I tucked my wand back into my pocket and turned away, pretending to dust off my hands. “My work here is done, old man,” I said and headed down the corridor, the sounds of Avery’s retching following me. 

Sirius caught up with me as he barked with laughter. “Either way, that was bloody brilliant, kitten.”

Once we had put enough distance between the Slytherins, I stopped. I was in awe that I’d been partially responsible for making him so happy, even if it had been at the expense of Avery and Snape’s dignities. “Yeah, it was,” I said, unable to do anything but smile from ear to ear. 

Sirius laughed his bark-like laugh and I couldn’t help but join in. How could I have ever known that I would make him feel this happy? I never would have guessed. Mischievous joy was all over his face, and he gripped me in a rib-crushing hug. 

“Sirius, I can’t breath,” I wheezed into his chest, which was rumbling with laughter. 

“How about now?” he said and lifted me slightly off my feet. 

“That’s not helping!” I said, laughing and holding onto him for dear life. 

He put me down and pulled away, but kept his gaze on my face, still grinning like a lunatic. “Thank you for suggesting we prank them today, kitten.”

“Thank you for helping me, old man,” I said and laughed again. My stomach hurt from laughing so hard, but facing Sirius while he was laughing too made it impossible to keep a straight face. I didn’t feel bad at all for Avery, but I did for Snape. I couldn’t imagine the horror of being picked on for so many years by James Potter and Sirius Black. But the damage was done now. 

He pushed some hair away from his face. “It’s a good thing Wormtail isn’t here, or he’d be wetting himself with that show.”

I wiggled my eyebrows. “Who says I’m not wetting myself, old man?”

He met my eyes and wiggled his eyebrows back. “That’s not why your knickers are wet, kitten.”

My mouth fell open. “You dog,” I said and began poking him

He laughed and squirmed. “Help! I’m being attacked!”

I raised a mocking eyebrow. “And what’s with your wand down your trousers anyway, old man? Or are you just excited to see me?”

He grinned. “You like it? I’m going to come over there and poke you with it.”

“Not in public!”

“You’re not into voyeurism?”

“No! Fuck, where’s the nearest broom cupboard?” I said, looking around the silent corridor.

“Relax, kitten. I’m not going to shag you in public,” he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he watched me. “Not yet,” he added with a cocky smirk. 

“You’re a perverted, mangy dog.”

“And you still can’t get enough of me,” he said and stepped closer until he was in my space. He brought our together. “So what does that make you? Hmm?”

I smiled up at him. “Fuck.”

His eyes fell to my mouth. “Yeah, fancy doing that? I’d really like to fuck you right now.”

I took a coy step back, a smirk curling my lips. “Lead the way, old man.”

He took a step forward, eyes boring into mine. “Can I walk behind you? I’ll tell you where to go?”

“Why?” I cocked an eyebrow. 

“So I can watch your arse,” he said with a smirk. 

“Dog!”

“And pinch it.” 

He made a move to do just that and I swatted his hands away and covered my bum with both hands. “Ha! Now you can’t see it!”

“No! Uncover your arse!” he said and pouted. 

“No way, old man!” I said and dashed down the corridor. 

“Get back here, kitten!”

“Come and get me, old man!” I said, turning to jog backwards with my hands in the air to taunt him. Sirius laughed and came striding after me, and leapt forward to grab my upper arm when I stumbled. 

He smiled ruefully. “Careful, kitten. I can’t have you smashing your head open on the floor.”

I looked up at him. “Did you just save my life, old man?”

He stared and I stilled under the weight of his gaze. I shivered. “Maybe,” he whispered, searching my face for something. He tore his focus away from me and looked around the corridor. “Come on, kitten. We still haven’t found that broom cupboard,” he said, the very momentary serious tone and expression gone. 

It didn’t take us long to find what we were looking for and then we were stumbling through the door and throwing it closed, and I waited while Sirius sealed us safely inside with magic. I never wanted to be interrupted while I was with him, and especially not during sex. It wasn’t only that it would be mortifying, but that once we started, I never wanted to stop. As soon as he was finished, Sirius found me in the darkness and kissed me hard, his hands pulling me against him. I fisted his shirt and clutched the front of his robes, pressing myself as close to him as possible, needing to drown out everything but him. He must’ve had the same thoughts, because he gripped my hips harder and then walked me backwards until my back hit the inside wall of the broom cupboard. And then Sirius was snogging me for real, his tongue dominating my mouth and the whole length of his body crushing against mine, allowing me to feel every part of him at once. His mouth didn’t taste of sweets like last time and instead I relished in his scent that enveloped me, the faint whiff of dog luring me in for more. I sighed into his mouth when his hands slid under my robes and shirt to caress my abdomen, and then his knuckles were brushing my hip bones as he explored further, fingertips peeling the elastic of my knickers back to push his hand lower. 

“Fuck, you make me so mad, kitten,” he said as he pulled his mouth away the tiniest bit. 

“Mad?” I whispered, afraid of what he meant.

“Mad with the need to shag you. Fuck, you’re so hot,” he said and then his lips were on mine again, bunching my skirt up around my waist and a hand slipping back into my knickers. A strangled groan came from me when his fingers touched my cunt and as I felt his growing erection poking me. I relished in the sensation of being trapped between his hardness and the wall’s. 

“Fuck, you are excited to see me, old man,” I gasped as he rolled his hips and poked me again. 

“Always,” he whispered, mouth dropping to kiss along my jaw and neck. “Merlin, you’re so sexy.” 

I groaned again when he gripped my arse with his other hand. “Mmm, yeah?”

He found a spot along my neck, over my jugular vein, and sucked. “You make the most amazing sounds for me, kitten.”

I moaned when he rubbed my clit and sucked harder on my neck, and he practically growled into my skin and pinned my body even harder against the wall. His scent enveloped me, his hair soft on my neck, his hands sure underneath my clothes and his body warm and solid, until he stepped back so that I wasn’t being crushed to the wall anymore. I looked at him in confusion and worry.

“Sorry if I’m being too rough, kitten. Say something if it’s too much,” he said, genuine concern lacing his tone.

I smiled and shook my head, relief washing over me. “No, it’s perfect.”

“Really?”

“I like alternating with who takes control. And I really like your _visible enthusiasm_.”

I saw his grin in the faint light and heard his chuckle loud and clear. He stepped back towards me again and pressed against me deliciously. “You know I’m always visibly enthusiastic about shagging you, right?”

I slipped a hand into his trousers to feel his hard-on. “Yeah, I do know. You’re not exactly subtle about it.”

He chuckled. “That makes two of us.”

“I don’t like being shy with you anyway.”

“Good,” he whispered against my lips. “I like that you’re a spitfire.”

“Good,” I whispered back. “I like how you fuck me.”

He groaned. “Fuck, you could make me jizz in my trousers when you say that.”

I grinned and pushed some hair away from his forehead, and then he leaned in and we kissed hard. I wanted him being dominant today, pushing into my space and shoving everything else out and away for later. I wanted him overwhelming me, drowning everything out with his presence. As he plundered my mouth, I realized that only Sirius could make me feel this way, could consume my attention so totally to the neglect of everything else. 

He drew his fingers along my cunt and cursed. “You’re so wet, kitten. Always so wet for me.”

“Oh, god. Please, Sirius,” I said as my hips bucked, wanting more pressure. He rubbed my clit faster and harder while he took a mouthful of skin on my neck. He sucked harder and I cried out. I panted as he nuzzled the spot that he’d marred, then drew away to admire what he’d reduced me to- a panting, dripping mess. I stared back at him, feeling paralyzed. “You make me mad too,” I whispered before he continued snogging me. 

“And I think about shagging you every day, kitten,” he whispered before he resumed our kiss. “I think about _you_ every day.” He kissed me again while I shimmied out of my knickers, tights and shoes. “You’re the best shag I’ve ever had,” he said against my lips. 

I looked at him in surprise. “You mean that?”

He smiled. “Of course I do. You’ve no idea. The other ones don’t even compare.” He dropped his mouth to suck on the love-bite that he’d given me on my neck. 

“You are by far the best shag I’ve ever had, old man.”

“Good. I’ve been trying my best,” he said and nipped my neck. I could feel his fingers moving along my cunt, going lower. He slipped two fingers inside me and at the same time bit down on my neck, gently enough that it didn’t hurt, but enough to feel it. I cried out. He began finger-fucking me, slowly at first and then picking up speed, having no issues because of how wet I was, and at the same time sucking on my neck. Fuck, he was going to leave a massive love-bite at this rate. I didn’t for a second doubt that he knew that, and I wondered if he were giving me a love-bite for a particular reason other than to make me fall apart in his hands. 

“Are you trying to mark your territory with that love-bite?” I asked hoarsely. 

He hummed vaguely before raising his head to stare at me. “You know, I’d fuck you right up against this wall, kitten.” I shuddered, his fingers still twisting inside me. “But the logistics are… tricky.”

“That’s okay,” I whispered as he withdrew his fingers. “I don’t want to bruise my back.”

“That too.”

I turned around and braced my hands on the wall for support, and a guttural sound tore from my throat when Sirius came up behind me and slid inside. 

“Kitten, are you alright? I’m not hurting you, am I?” he asked, stilling inside me. 

“No, fuck. The opposite. Fuck, you feel so good.”

He groaned and thrust slowly. “Wasn’t sure how to interpret that sound you just made.”

I moaned when he picked up a pace. “It’s a good sound. It’s just been a little while since we shagged. It feels so good to have you inside me again.” 

He groaned and gripped my hips. “Merlin, how do you know exactly what to say, kitten,” he said and thrust faster. I cried out again and covered his hand on my hip with mine, clenching my fingers around his. I needed something firm to hold on to while my legs were turning to jelly and my head was fogging with desire. He tightened his fingers around mine and went even faster, driving us both quickly near to the edge. I let go of his hand, spat on my fingers, and rubbed my clit furiously, every muscle in my body going limp, my skin burning like it was aflame, and warmth licking up my limbs. 

“Fuck, Sirius,” I cried out. 

“You going to cum for me, kitten?” he panted, sounding close himself. 

“Yes, harder,” I gasped. And then the wave of my climax rolled up inside me and I felt it come crashing down, my mind going blank and losing control. “Oh, god, Sirius,” I moaned as I came around him. 

“Fuck, Kersti,” he groaned as he came inside me. 

We stood there, my hand braced against the wall, his hands still gripping my hips, until we were breathing normally again and separated to redress ourselves. All he had to do was tuck his cock back into his trousers, while I had to wrestle my knickers, tights and shoes back on and straighten the rest of my robes. 

“Was that good, kitten?”

I looked up to see Sirius watching me, a smile shaping his lips. “Yeah, really good.”

He ran a hand through his long hair. “Yeah, I agree.”

“I would complain about how we don’t last long, but I think that’s a compliment to each other.”

He chuckled. “Yeah. If you thought I was lying about you being the best shag I’ve ever had- which I wouldn’t lie about- you could find out how long I usually last and realize you make me cum so quickly.”

I grinned. “I’ve had the shortest sex and quickies of my life with you, old man.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You get me so hot and bothered all the time.”

He let out a bark of laughter. “Good thing you didn’t say that while I was inside you or I definitely would’ve jizzed.”

“Glad it’s mutual though.”

“Me too, kitten. Nothing like a rubbish shag to suck the life out of me.”

“‘Suck?’” I said and laughed. 

He snorted and tickled me. “You know what I meant.”

“I know, old man.” I paused to make sure my robes were straight and leaned my back on the wall that he’d just fucked me against, staring at him. 

“Still not as good as fucking in my bed,” he said, hands in his pockets and dark hair mussed. 

“Mmm, true. Or in my bed?”

“Or in your bed. So many more positions.”

“And it’s more comfortable. No offense, wall,” I said and patted it reassuringly. He laughed. “Next time it’ll be in your bed or mine, old man.”

“Looking forward to it, kitten. How’s later this week sound?”

“Dunno if I’ll have time,” I said, thinking about the memory charm research that I had left to do, as well as the usual homework from classes. “Weekend?” I suggested. 

“There’s a quidditch game on Saturday, if we win you can come to the party after.”

“‘If we win?’” I teased. “That’s awfully uncertain-sounding for someone who was trying to intimidate the competition this morning.”

Sirius threw his head back and laughed. I joined in, happy because he was happy and that I somehow made him laugh rather often. “I can’t predict the future, kitten. I’m almost certain we’ll win, but I’m not a Seer.”

I flinched. If I tried, would I be able to predict the outcome of the match? Would I look into a crystal ball and see me and Sirius in love? Would I see myself dying? I shook my head. “At the party then, old man,” I said to cover up my falter.

He grinned, oblivious to my inner turmoil. At least the darkness hid what had been my panicked expression. “You should drink less so you can cum this time, kitten.”

“I will drink less just for you, old man.”

“Or we could shag first and then drink to our victory.”

I snorted. “And have everyone, still sober, watching us run away to shag? No, thanks.”

“What? It’s not like they don’t already know. The whole school knows we’re fucking each other, kitten.”

“That is true.” I waited a beat before I spoke again. “You know, I was thinking about what you said the other day, about wanting to travel after you’re done at Hogwarts. I’ve been to Sweden to see my mum’s family so often, but only as Muggle. I think it’d be the first country I’d go to as a witch after school. It’s one thing to know all about Swedish Muggles, but their wizarding society is another thing, and I want to see it for myself.”

He smiled. “Yeah. Sometimes I wish I could see wizarding Britain with fresh eyes, you know? Like… erase all my shitty memories of it and… rediscover it? If that makes any sense.” I nodded and smiled for him to continue. “I just wish my… heritage hadn’t ruined my opinion about wizarding Britain.” He tore his gaze away from me to think. “I know there are good parts and bad parts of this wizarding society, but I wish… I wish that…” He fixed me with a stare. “That I hadn’t been born into the raving-mad and murderous part of it.”

I smiled softly. “I can’t even imagine. Well, I guess I can… empathize a bit. Not with the, er… wizarding heritage part, but more so being an… an anomaly, I reckon?” He stared at me, silent but transfixed. I swallowed and looked away. “I reckon… I dunno, I’m an anomaly too, at least among my family. Being a witch from a line of Muggles is… non-conformity at its extreme, I s’ppose. And it’s not always great to be so different, so dissimilar from my family. Not that I’m trying to compare us, I just, er… I dunno. What I’m trying to say is that I at least sort of understand being an anomaly,” I finished quietly, hoping that he wasn’t angry with me for prying or assuming or bringing up our backgrounds. 

Sirius was silent, and I could feel him watching me. I kept my gaze averted. “I’ve never thought about it that way, kitten,” he said and I sighed with relief, the lack of irritation evident in his tone and use of my nickname. “I reckon you’re right. It’s one thing being born into magical society, and I’ve always hated what I was born into, but… I really can’t imagine being born and raised as a Muggle and then suddenly discovering you were special and different from your family. That… it must’ve been rather… isolating.”

I nodded and stared down at my shoes. “Yeah. My parents are happy for me and all, but I’ve always worried whether my brother was ever jealous of me. But he can’t be too jealous, seeing how I turned out.”

“What do you mean, kitten?” he said quickly. 

“Oh, just my temper and grouchiness,” I said nonchalantly, knowing that what I really meant was the burden of being a Seer. 

“You’re not that bad, kitten. Like I said, you’ve got a soft side. And like _you_ said,” he added, grinning and poking me, “neither of us open up to others easily and you want everyone to think you’re prickly.”

I stared, wondering how Sirius of all people understood me so well. “Did you remember everything from when we were really high?”

His lips curled into a half-smile. “Yeah. At least, I think so. Should we retell the events and compare our stories?” he joked. 

I laughed. “Sorry for getting you too high, old man.”

“Don’t be sorry, kitten. I liked it.” He studied me for a long moment, making my heart thunder in my chest. “Why do you have nightmares? You said you have ‘really bad dreams.’”

I looked away, feeling my heart breaking. I wanted to tell him, I really did, but the cost was too high, but I worried that if I lied and he could tell that I was hiding the truth, he wouldn’t want to be open with me about himself anymore. I rubbed my face. “I, er…” What was I supposed to say? I didn’t want to lie to him, but I had no other choice; I couldn’t put him at risk. The whole point was for me to not tell anyone, that was why I’d decided to obliviate my family in the first place. 

“Sorry, kitten. I don’t mean to pry,” he said gently. “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready.” He smiled, eyes never leaving my face. 

I returned his smile. “Thanks, old man. It’s, er… the reason why I have bad dreams is hard to explain, but I don’t want to lie to you either… Sorry,” I finished lamely. 

“Don’t be sorry. I’d much rather you tell me you don’t want to talk about it than lie. And it wouldn’t be fair if I forced you into anything when you’re so good about not doing that to me.” He pinched my arse and I laughed, the mood instantly lightened. “And anyway, I think it’s time for you to retch up your nightly hairball.”

I snorted with laughter. “Can your foot reach your head to scratch behind your ear? Or do you want to borrow my foot to get the job done?”

Sirius laughed and started tickling me. “Watch out, kitten, I’ll give you my fleas.”

“I already have them! It’s your personal brand of venereal disease. Er… no offense, old man.”

He tickled me some more. “I can’t share my fleas with everyone, kitten. No one else is furry enough for them to survive.”

“Oh, wow. I feel so lucky. I’ll be sure to curse you when I have a million itchy spots on my back that I can’t reach.”

“Why don’t you start undressing again and I’ll itch your back for as long as you want.”

I cackled and threw open the door, trying to dodge Sirius’s tickle-attack. We came tumbling out of the broom cupboard together, laughing our heads off and jostling each other.

“So, old man, d’you reckon-”

“STUDENTS OUT OF BED! STUDENTS IN BROOM CUPBOARDS!” 

Peeves came bouncing down the corridor, shrieking and cackling with glee at finding two students to antagonize. Sirius and I exchanged a look and bolted down opposite ends of the corridor while Peeves began singing a song of his own making about mad Black and soggy Grindylow being caught in a broom cupboard. It was too bad that we hadn’t had the chance to say a proper goodbye, but I reckoned that I’d run into him sooner rather than later. I had to get back to my dormitory before I was caught out of bed past curfew, and I had a massive purple-red love bite on my neck to hide, which was too high up to be hidden by my shirt collar. Too bad Sirius’s efforts to ‘mark his territory’ would be covered up with magic in the morning before I went out in public. But then again, he didn’t even need to worry about me being interested in other blokes; it wasn’t like I was shagging anyone besides him anymore. In fact, neither of us were wanting to shag anyone but each other, and I wasn’t going to complain about getting Sirius all to myself. 


	32. The Gryffindor King

Despite my indifference to quidditch, I did go to the match that Saturday in support of Tess. I also went because I wanted to watch Sirius play and I was curious about him and his quidditch skills, and James’s as well. In fact, I reckoned the main reason that I was going was for Sirius, but I didn’t tell anyone that. I didn’t want to be labelled a ‘Sirius Black groupie,’ god forbid. Not to mention that I didn’t want to hurt Tess’s feelings. Emily, Lia and I made our way to the pitch after lunch, getting swept along with the throng of students headed in the same direction. The turn out for today’s match was sure to be good, as the two best teams this year were playing each other, and the match had been predicted to be a close one. Most of the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw supporters were decked in head-to-toe paraphernalia in their respective colours of red and gold, or blue and bronze. I opted to wear my usual robes, with the addition of a blue and bronze scarf that Lia wrapped around my neck. She and Em were more interested in the quidditch match, but as we climbed the wooden stairs to the Ravenclaw stands, I couldn’t help but absorb some of the frantic excitement around me, the competitive spirit warming even my heart.

By the time we reached the Ravenclaw stands, there was already a faint roar of hundreds of students talking and even the occasional cheer that went up. Emily was talking with some girls in our year, Lia was using the binoculars she’d brought to find Andrew Flewelling in the Hufflepuff stands, and I was staring up at the sky, watching an owl flying towards the owlery, when the crowds exploded in cheers and hollering. The cause became apparent when the players from both the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw teams came whooshing out onto the pitch, zooming up and zigzagging, no doubt to work the spectators into a frenzy of excitement. Players whipped by the stands, blowing scarves and robes with the speed of their flight. Eventually they slowed and made more leisurely tours of the pitch at the height of the goal post hoops, flying in pairs and separated into their teams. 

“Come on, I think Tess’ll come talk to us if we go to the front,” Lia said, grabbing me and Emily by the arms and dragging us to the very front of the stands. I rested my forearms on the solid barrier that kept the spectators in, leaning over to look at how far down the ground was from here. 

“Oi! You trying to fall out of the stands?” Tess said, laughing and gliding over to us. She looked very smart in her blue and bronze kit, guiding her top-of-the-line broom over to us without her hands. 

“Using your binoculars, Tess,” Lia said, raising them up on the loop around her neck. 

“Then why’re you focused on the Hufflepuff stands?” I teased. 

We laughed and she made a face at me. 

A flurry of motion by the Gryffindor section caught my eye and I watched as James flew up and hovered in front of the Gryffindors, scanning the crowd for someone. I had to admit that he looked very dashing in his quidditch uniform, his hair sticking up in every direction, one hand gripping his broom handle. No wonder the Gryffindor girls were drooling and practically fainting at his proximity. We watched as Lily made her way through the throngs of students towards James to talk to him from the front row. As soon as he saw her, he grinned like a loopy bastard and ruffled his hair. She leaned her elbows on the edge and looked up at him. 

“Bloody Potter,” Tess muttered. 

James said something to Lily. He leaned forward and, in front of the whole pitch, kissed her full on the lips. The Gryffindor stands burst into cheering and whistles, while the girls screamed like they were at a Beatles concert. I laughed. Typical James. 

“They’re the school’s power couple, no wonder the Gryffindors are going mad,” Lia said, laughing with me. 

“Overrated,” Tess grumbled, glaring daggers at the competition. 

“Come off it, Tess. Share in the love, why don’t you?” Emily said. 

“Bloody Potter, the arrogant arse,” she grumbled. 

“Sorry for insulting him, Kersti,” Lia apologized. 

I shrugged and watched as he bid Lily farewell and soared up to his teammates. “He can be an arrogant fellow, alright. But he’s mostly just a goof.” 

Tess scoffed. “Bloody arrogant wanker too,” she said and jabbed a finger at someone else. 

I followed her finger and my heart thudded when I saw Sirius. He was making a slow lap of the pitch with the Seeker, one hand on his broom and the other gesturing. He was grinning at something the Seeker was saying, his dark hair and robes blowing out behind him. Most of the girls, especially the Gryffindor ones, had their eyes glued to him, tracking his every movement around the pitch above them. I couldn’t help but smile when he joined up with James and the two of them jostled each other, playing a dangerous game, considering that they were so high up that they could fall and break their necks. They hovered side by side on their brooms, probably talking about last-minute strategies. 

The girls giggled and exchanged a look. I raised an eyebrow and tore my focus away from Sirius. “What?” 

“You’re smiling while looking at him, Kersti.” 

“What? He’s silly.” 

A slim figure in Ravenclaw robes made a graceful descent towards us, stopping smoothly beside Tess. “There you are, Sean,” she said, greeting him with a punch on the arm. 

Sean Roberts the Seeker nodded to her, before greeting Em and Lia. “Sanderson. Stainton.” They smiled and waved. He turned his focus to me, colour creeping up his neck to his cheeks. “Er… h-hi, Kersti.” 

I gave him a closed-lipped smile. “Hullo, Roberts. Good luck out there today.” 

“Oh, we’ll bloody well need it. Just don’t tell him that,” Tess grumbled while glaring at James across the pitch. 

“Theresa, stop staring. He’s got a girlfriend,” I teased. 

She tried to swat at me, but I laughed and dodged. “Says you! Miss ‘I’ve got Sirius bloody Black wrapped around my finger.’” 

Sean started examining the wood of his broom awkwardly. I scoffed. “Uh, huh. And do you see a certain Sirius Black coming over here? I do not have him by the balls.” 

Tess made a face at me before we descend into an immature game of swatting at each other, much to the amusement of Em and Lia. “Alright, alright, knock it off before you make her fall to her death,” Lia said, shooing me away. 

Tess’s playful expression was replaced by a sour one as she looked over her shoulder at James and Sirius. The two had parked their brooms side by side across the pitch near the Gryffindor stands, to the orgasmic frenzy of the female students. James was ruffling Sirius’s hair as they grinned from ear to ear. 

Sean cleared his throat nervously. “Tess, er… shouldn’t we-” 

An aggressive male bellow sounded across the field. “OI! RHODES!” James had cupped his hands around his mouth to make the sound carry to her.

She turned on her broom and yelled, “WHAT D’YOU WANT, ARSEHOLE?!” 

“Rhodes, no profanity on the pitch!” Madam Hooch shouted from somewhere on the ground. 

“SCARED SHITELESS? YOU’LL BE LOSING TODAY!” James yelled back. 

The Gryffindor stands erupted into hooting and hollering. 

“YOU’LL EAT YOUR WORDS, WANKER!” 

“Miss Rhodes! Stop cursing at the competition!” 

I laughed. There was nothing like seeing someone else butting heads with James to realize how silly and immature I’d been when I’d held a grudge against him. My heart gave an almighty twinge when I saw Sirius notice me standing with the competition. He said something to James and the two grinned and then made a swift descent towards us, stopping to float across from Tess and Sean. Of course I ended up next to Sirius, a fact that my rattling heart made sure I knew. 

His lips quirked as he looked at me. “Hey, kitten. Nice to see you turn up to watch me.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Who says I’m here to watch you, you goofy dog?”

He smiled and my heart threw itself against my ribcage. “You’re not? You’re going to break my heart before the match even starts?”

“Heart? You don’t have a heart, Black,” Tess snapped.

“Shut up, Tess,” I growled. 

She rolled her eyes. “You’re only defending him because-”

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” I snarled, wishing that I could knock her off her broom with Stripes’s roar. 

James coughed and changed the subject. “Look, Rhodes. Concede defeat now and perhaps we’ll be merciful,” he said and ruffled his hair.

“Eat shite, Potter,” she snapped.

Sirius laughed and exchanged a look with me. “Not as much of a spitfire as you, kitten.” 

I grinned. “You know you like it.” 

Roberts made a strained sound and stared down at his broom handle, trying to curl in on himself.

“Padfoot, stop fraternizing with the enemy,” James joked, throwing him a punch on the arm. 

“What? Kitten’s not playing. It’s her friend, Prongs. Or are your glasses not on right?”

“King Rotter doesn’t like when he’s not the centre of attention,” I joked. 

He grinned at me, his eyes bright behind his glasses. “So perceptive, Stripes.” He glared at Tess. “Prepare to have your arse handed to you, Rhodes.” 

With a last grin from Sirius directed my way, the two of them flew away, leaning low on their brooms and racing each other around the pitch. Tess flipped James off behind his back before she and Roberts took off to rejoin their team, but my attention was solely reserved for Sirius. As he streamlined his body with his broom, his scarlet robes whipping in the wind, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I loved seeing him this happy, this carefree, like I’d seen him as Padfoot in the forest. To think that he’d gone through such hell with his family and with being born into the Blacks, but he’d come out still in one piece and as an amazing person to boot… He’d had a hard time of it, that much I’d found out even though I wasn’t yet privy to the details. Despite this, he was a loyal, caring friend; a silly, joking troublemaker; a brave Gryffindor; an effortlessly smart student; and a bloody hilarious person to be around. I doubted that I would’ve been able to survive what he had. Sirius was a survivor, and there were so many things about him that I liked and respected and was in awe of. He truly was an amazing, incredible person, though not without faults. But then again, who wasn’t? I certainly had faults of my own, but he accepted them and he accepted me for who I was, not as someone whom he wanted to change. That was one of the admirable things about Sirius; when he decided that he wanted to become your friend, he did so without forcing you to become a different person. Just as I would never force him to be someone he wasn’t, or do anything he wasn’t ready for, he never did the same to me. And even if he didn’t exactly get what I was going through at the time, he did his best to understand me, just as I did with him. I longed to be as close to him as James, Remus and Peter were, and I found myself hoping that he would let me someday. 

A single sharp blow from Hooch’s whistle drew my focus away from Sirius. 

“Gryffindors! Ravenclaws! Get in line!” she called. 

Both teams drew up to face off in midair, wearing grim expressions. This match would be a close one. Sirius was back a bit from the centre where James and the other were circled, clutching his Beater’s bat and fixated on the game. And with a red rush, Madam Hooch threw the quaffle up in the air and the match began with a frenzy of Chasers rushing towards it. Seconds later, the two bludgers were released and Sirius took off like a bloodhound after the scent trail. The only movement that indicated that the Snitch had been released was the sudden departure of Roberts and the Gryffindor Seeker from the main action of the pitch. 

I tuned into the announcer as the Chasers whipped by our section of the stands. “Ladies and gentleman, what a fine day for quidditch! No chance of rain and no Slytherins, those nasty buggers.”

“MR. GUDGEON!”

There was a snicker from the commentator, Davey Gudgeon. “Sorry for the digression, Professor. Would you look at that, there goes Rhodes with the quaffle! Snatched from Potter like a niffler after a Galleon!”

Em and Lia cheered as Tess barrelled towards the Gryffindor goal posts, an entourage of opposing Chasers on her tail. The Gryffindor Keeper gripped his broom handle and stared Tess down, ready to dive either way for the quaffle. 

“And a spectacular save by Peterson! There goes Potter, diving and- HE CAUGHT THE QUAFFLE! AND HE’S HURTLING TOWARDS THE RAVENCLAW SIDE! BEAT THAT, RHODES!”

“MR. GUDGEON! UNBIASED COMMENTARY, IF YOU WOULD BE SO KIND!” Madam Hooch shouted from her spot near the stands.

“Potter and fellow Chasers Donaghue and McDermott looking to make a coup as they near the goalposts-”

The Ravenclaw stands suddenly erupted into cheering. 

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? ROBERTS IS DIVING NEAR THE HOOPS, IS THAT THE SNITCH I SEE? LOUGHEED HOT ON HIS TAIL, NEARING THE GROUND-”

There was a resounding whack, followed by cries of anger. 

“AND BLACK HITS THE BLUDGER AT ROBERTS, THROWING HIM OFF THE SNITCH’S TRAIL!”

The Ravenclaw Captain Southgate retaliated by taking possession of the quaffle from James and zooming off towards the Gryffindor hoops. 

“A flawless pass from Southgate to Rhodes, but Potter’s right behind them with Kendrick ready to receive a pass from Rhodes, if she doesn’t get knocked off her broom by a bludger.”

I watched the two Seekers circle the periphery of the pitch far above, idling until they caught a glimpse of the Snitch again. 

“AND SOUTHGATE EXECUTES A BRILLIANT DIONYSUS DIVE! Ten points to Ravenclaw!” 

The Gryffindors’ boos quickly morphed into frantic cheering as James regained possession of the quaffle and passed it to another Chaser. 

“Potter strikes back immediately with a perfect goal! Ten all!”

Now the Ravenclaw section was booing and spouting abuse at James and his teammates, while a bloke next to me yelled aggressively about where the Gryffindor team could stick their broom handles. I would’ve laughed, if I hadn’t been worried about him attacking me with such vigour as was directed at the opposition. 

“McDermott catches the quaffle, doubles back- WHAT AN AMAZING BACKHANDED SWING FROM BLACK! THERE GOES THE BLUDGER- Bloody hell! Lucky this time, Rhodes! Davies hits the bludger back across the pitch, saving Blind Rhodes from a fatal hit!”

“NO INSULTS, MR. GUDGEON!”

“It’s just the truth, Madam Hooch! And Black retaliates again, hitting one bludger after the other! Fantastic playing as usual from Black.”

The match was very close, with the two teams remaining within at the most twenty points of each other the whole time. I could see now why everyone raved about James’s quidditch and flying skills. He weaved around the Ravenclaw Chasers effortlessly at break-neck speed, and when he made dives for the quaffle, he was like a falling star. In comparison, the other players seemed to slow as he maneuvered around them. He must’ve put a sticking spell on his glasses, because they never slipped off, even when he did several barrel rolls in a row during one of his dives. 

“LOOK AT POTTER GO! SPECTACULAR FLYING AS ALWAYS, LEAVING SOUTHGATE AND RHODES IN THE DUST! LEARN TO FLY LIKE YOUR EAGLE EMBLEM, YOU LOUSY RAVENCLAWS!”

“FINAL WARNING, MR. GUDGEON!”

I stuck to watching Sirius playing, so fascinated I was by how at home he was on a broom. Everything he did was smooth and streamlined, and he looked as comfortable flying as he did in his animagus form; as he did jumping down the six steps in front of the Great Hall; as he did shagging me until I forgot my own name; and as he did in his own skin. There was nothing more amazing than seeing him in his natural element, doing whatever he enjoyed doing, and when he was clearly so happy. No wonder he attracted so much attention wherever he went; it was the combination of his striking looks, natural self-assuredness, mischief-making and untouchable bad-boy status. But I was lucky, and I’d seen a vulnerable side to him, leaving me craving more. I wanted to know everything about him and I found myself hopelessly addicted to being around him. He was a lodestone, and I was the minuscule shards of metal that found their way to him. Never had I ever felt so bloody curious and interested in anyone in my entire life, and it made me wonder if I’d ever seen an end to my seemingly infinite fascination with Sirius. 

“LOOK AT THIS! LOUGHEED, DIVING AFTER THE SNITCH, ROBERTS FOLLOWING! THEY’RE DODGING BLUDGERS, GETTING CLOSE TO THE GROUND. WILL WE HAVE A COLLISION ON OUR HANDS?”

Everyone held their breath as the two Seekers flew low over the ground, gloved hands outstretched to catch the Golden Snitch.

“DANIEL LOUGHEED HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH, ENDING THE MATCH WITH A SCORE OF 200-60! GRYFFINDOR WINS!”

The Gryffindors exploded into cheers, while the Ravenclaws groaned and shook their fists in anger. The Gryffindor team flew down and landed on the pitch, dismounting to clobber James in celebration. I laughed as I saw James throw an arm around Sirius and give him noogies, the two of them hopping around in a bizarre celebratory dance. The rest of the team was eating it up, making an even louder fuss than the Gryffindor students in the stands. I leaned on the edge of the barrier, watching Sirius as he accepted congratulations from his teammates and congratulated them in turn, and then as he goofed around with James. I’d have to congratulate the both of them myself at the celebratory party tonight. 

“Who’re you watching- oh, nevermind,” Lia said, coming to stand with me. 

“It’s too bad about Hogsmeade,” Emily said, casting a glance down below to the Gryffindor boy whom I was watching. 

“What?” I said, not taking my eyes off Sirius. 

“Hogsmeade. Howell asking him to go and all that.”

I looked up and focused on Emily. “What?”

She raised a curious eyebrow at me. “Oh, sorry. I thought you knew already. I mean, we,” she gestured to herself and Lia, “thought he was going to ask you again for sure, but someone else got to him first.”

I stared at her. “He’s going with someone?”

“Yeah, this seventh-year Gryffindor girl. She asked him last night and he said yes allegedly. She’s been bragging about it non-stop since, that’s how I found out so quickly.”

“Oh,” I said lamely. I felt disappointed that I wouldn’t get to spend time with him in Hogsmeade again, but I was more nervous because I feared that this meant that he might stop shagging me, that this was the beginning of the end of our friendship. Was he trying to push me away because he’d realized that I’d accidentally overheard him and the boys in the forest? Was this the beginning of him giving me the cold shoulder and shutting me out of his life?

Seeing my sombre mood, the girls left me with some consoling words. I stood at the edge, still watching Sirius down below, acutely aware of all the space between us now. And when I couldn’t stand to torture myself anymore with watching him, I turned away. I was one of the last out of the stands, which allowed me to duck off the path back to the castle and forge ahead, alone, towards the Forbidden Forest. I was in no state to go to the Gryffindor party now. I was dreading the Hogsmeade trip next week, and as I walked nearer to the forest, I became convinced that this meant that Sirius was growing tired of me and would no longer want to be around me. Now my loneliness and stress at the prospect of having to obliviate my family soon crashed down on me, with no one there to distract me from my misery. I realized then how much I liked having Sirius around to cheer me up and how much I valued our weird friends-with-benefits relationship. I wanted nothing more than to run back to him, to have him make me happy with his mere presence. I had to obliviate my family soon, I would be irrevocably altering their lives, and I wanted Sirius here so that I wouldn’t feel so alone and isolated. I wrapped my arms around myself and began to cry silently as I walked, my thoughts echoing with longing for Sirius’s company.

I transformed quietly under the cover of the woods. As the leaves of the forest crunched under my amber-coloured paws, I wondered when Sirius Black had become my most accessible and reliable source of happiness, and when I had started to rely on him to make me feel better about my shitty situation, instead of retreating into myself and bottling it all up like I had before I’d met him. How had this happened? How had he gotten so close to my heart and mind in such a short time? And what was I going to do if I couldn’t have him in my life? I walked deeper into the forest, as if it held the answers to my question. But all I got was the darkness pressing down on me from above, and the sharp, burning pain of longing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter this time around, but the next one will be longer. Also, I promise that the stuff with Sirius will get resolved in the next chapter.


	33. A Hogsmeade Ditch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This coming week is Reading Break for university and I’ve been feeling super motivated with writing, so I think that I’ll have the next chapter ready in a few days. 
> 
> Want what you got by The Beaches

In the week leading up to the December Hogsmeade trip, I threw myself head-first into my memory charm research. In just over a fortnight, I would be going through the same motions that I had in the dream: petrifying my family, wiping their memories, and crying from the emotional agony. I had decided that I should also do some research on legilimency, in case I wanted to poke around in my family’s heads to make sure that I’d done a proper job obliviating them. With each passing day, I grew more stressed and sullen. Because I spent all my time outside of classes in the library that week, I’d also not seen Sirius at all. It was partly intentional on my part, because in my constant stress and tension I’d managed to convince myself that he didn’t want to be around me anymore. My sleep deprivation and dreams were not helping my mental state either, and if I’d been able to think clearly that week, I would’ve realized that it was dumb to avoid Sirius over a silly Hogsmeade date, and that I shouldn’t assume that he no longer wanted to hang out with me. 

Saturday morning before the students were set to leave for Hogsmeade, I was dragged out of bed by Emily, who kept scolding us for trying to make her late to meet up with Riley. The four of us tramped out of the Ravenclaw Tower looking presentable in our winter robes, tucked into breakfast in the Great Hall and then headed straight for the courtyard. We stood hopping up and down, rubbing our arms, and stamping our feet when the cold wind blew the warmth of the castle out of our limbs, until Emily used a spell to bathe us in warm air. I was teasing Lia about how low she’d drawn her toque (it was covering her eyebrows and creeping down towards her eyes), when the seventh-year Slytherin boys arrived. 

“Oi! Grindylow!” 

“Come over here and I’ll use _ventus_ to have a look at your knickers again.” This humiliating detail shared by Avery caused the other Slytherins to whistle. I bared my teeth and turned to stare my nemesis and his cronies down. He must’ve fancied himself a witty and handsome arsehole as he crossed his arms over his puffed-out chest. 

Mulciber and Rosier were whacking each other and guffawing. “What’re you hiding under your skirt, Grindylow?” Mulciber jeered. 

Lia made an exasperated sound and grabbed me by the upper arm, while Emily made a shooing motion at Avery. “Piss off.”

“Going to tattle on me to your Prefect boyfriend, Sanderson?”

“Yeah, going to get him right now, in fact,” Emily said, leading me away from Avery before I could get myself a ton of detentions for starting a fight with him.

“Merlin, come on. I don’t want you starting a fight out in the open,” Lia said, pulling me along even as I made a rude gesture at Avery over my shoulder. I scrubbed my face and let her guide me behind Em, with Tess following. I didn’t need the added stress of clashing with Avery, not when I was already wound up so tight from my family’s impending doom. Emily stopped and we stood with Riley, the others making polite conversation while I rooted around in my pockets for my _reducio_ -ed library book on memory charms. I hunched over, burying my nose in it, until Emily whacked the underside of it. 

“Merlin’s beard, just because we’re in Ravenclaw, doesn’t mean we can’t have fun,” she said, her voice gentle. 

I tried to massage the knot in my neck with one hand while I avoided her gaze. It wasn’t like they hadn’t picked up on my tense behaviour; they were Ravenclaws afterall. 

“Hi, Rafferty,” a cheery voice said. 

“Morning, Evans. Where’s the other half of the Head duo?”

I looked up and offered Lily a smile. I hadn’t been spending much time with her recently, considering I’d been holed up in the library or feeding my Sirius addiction. “James is on his way, just gathering up the boys, I’m sure,” she said, shifting around the group to stand next to me, her eyes never leaving mine. 

I gave her a look. “What? Do I have food on my face? Did Avery turn my hair blue?”

She smiled and shook her head, then leaned in closer to speak quietly. “You should’ve heard Black this morning at breakfast. He was really laying it on thick about all his regret.”

“What?” I said louder than I meant to. Lia wiggled her eyebrows at me. 

Lily pretended to look around innocently, but the mischievous twinkle in her eyes gave her away. “Oh, I dunno, I thought you already knew. Well, I don’t really have to tell you, do I? I mean, why don’t you get the truth straight from the horse’s mouth?”

I blew an impatient breath out between my lips. “Jesus Christ, kill me now.”

She patted my arm in a mock-comforting gesture. “It’s a shame you don’t want to hear the story. Didn’t you know, I was there? In the Common Room? And I was so _dreadfully_ looking forward to telling you, I tossed and turned all night and-”

“LILY EVANS!” I exclaimed and we burst out laughing.

She shook her head. “A right shame. What a shame.” She raised an eyebrow at me. “Such a SHAME.”

I threw my hands in the air. “You! You’re getting as bad as your beau. I concede defeat. Please, do impart to me the sacred knowledge of how you so valiantly came to know how Sirius Black ended up accepting the Hogsmeade offer from… what’s her name? Howl? Trowel? Vowel? Towel?” 

Lily laughed. “Isn’t the most important question _why_ he said yes to Valerie Howell?”

I made a silly face. “I dunno, you tell me.”

“I can’t exactly embark on my retelling of last Friday’s events if you don’t understand how I acquired such top-secret information.”

I huffed. “Alright, alright, I’m throwing my pride out the window. Just tell me what happened.”

She giggled. “I’ll have to make it quick, before the boys get here.” Her expression turned serious. “I thought he was going to ask you again for sure, I think everyone did. But I think James has been teasing him too much about how he treats you differently. Last Friday, it was me and the boys studying in the Common Room in the evening, and Remus and I were working on a Charms essay together, but James was bugging Sirius. James kept bringing you up and would not let it go, and even I could tell that it was getting on his nerves. He became rather crabby, and when Howell came up to him shortly after, he was still in a bad mood. He said something to James along the lines of ‘this is me proving a point, Prongs,’ and then he agreed to her offer.”

Lia giggled. “That is some juicy gossip, Evans.”

“Aw, go snatch your wanker out of her clutches, Kersti,” Tess mocked. 

I rolled my eyes. “That makes sense, I guess,” I muttered to Lily. 

“And he was whingeing over breakfast about how he was going to miss going to Honeydukes with Remus and Peter, all that rot.”

“Oops. Not my problem,” I said with a shrug. 

“I don’t feel bad for him, he backed himself into that corner.”

“I feel bad for him,” Lia piped up. 

“You do? Why?”

“He doesn’t get to spend the trip with yoooooouuuuuuuuu,” she said, making snogging faces at me. 

“Get out of here, you tease.”

“We just got here, and you want us to bugger off already?”

Lily and I just about leapt a foot in the air at the sudden appearance of the Marauders. “Merlin, James, don’t sneak up on me like that,” she said. 

“You’re cute when you’re scared.”

The smell of dog washed over me moments before Sirius spoke. “Hey, kitten.”

And there he was next to me, looking at me expectantly, hands in his pockets and handsome as ever. I grinned- I couldn’t help it. “Hey, yourself. Hi, Remus, Peter,” I said, nodding at the other boys. 

“What’re you reading, Kersti?” Remus asked politely, eyeing the book in my hand. 

I passed it to him. “Memory charms.”

“Again?” Remus and Sirius said at the same time. 

My stomach lurched. I avoided Sirius’s gaze and met Remus’s eyes instead. “Like I said, Ravenclaws always feel an intense urge to hoard knowledge.”

Remus hummed in agreement and smiled before flipping open the cover. He laughed. “You nicked this from the Restricted Section?”

“Busted,” James said, cupping his hands around his mouth. 

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you, kitten,” Sirius said, grinning down at me. 

I ignored Lia wiggling her eyebrows vigorously at me. They looked like two furry inchworms moving across her forehead. 

“It’s too bad they have so many good books in the Restricted Section. Honestly, half the books in there shouldn’t even be classified as ‘restricted.’ Not sure why they end up labelled as ‘dangerous’ in the first place, especially not this one. I reckon it’s a shame,” Remus said, poring over the pages eagerly, his hair flopping down against his forehead. 

James whistled appreciatively and clapped him on the back. “If there’s something worth breaking rules for, it’s the pursuit of knowledge. Right, Moony?”

Remus waved his hand without peeling his eyes from the page, but I could see his grin from here. 

“It’s not the only thing that’s a SHAME,” Lily said, grinning at me. 

“Trowel,” I coughed and we cracked up. 

Peter, who’d gone unnoticed since the boys had joined us, dug around in his pockets for his Chocolate Frog cards and began muttering about how many rare ones he had. 

Lily smiled at Sirius. “Where’s your… towel?”

“My what?” 

“Your towel,” I said slowly. 

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and looked at me. “What’re you on about, kitten?”

“Your hooowwwlllll,” Lily said. 

“My howl?” Remus said, jerking his head up. 

“No, not you, Moony. Don’t worry,” James said reassuringly. “Are we missing out on a joke, Lily-flower?”

“The only thing you’re missing is your vowel,” I said, making Lily and me crack up again. 

“Merlin’s arsehole,” Sirius said, laughing with me.

“Was I supposed to bring a towel to our date today, Lily? Sorry if I was. I can transfigure us one now if you-”

Lily smiled at her boyfriend. “No, I don’t need a towel, James.”

“Where’s your trowel, old man?” I asked Sirius, poking him in the arm. 

He furrowed his eyebrows. “What the bloody hell is a trowel? Prongs, d’you have any idea what they’re on about?”

“Valerie Howell!” Lia cut in, tired of us going on about it. 

Sirius’s features became vacant of emotion, giving him the typical haughty look that he sported when he wasn’t at all invested in the conversation or matter at hand. “Hmm,” he said in a flat voice and glared at James. 

“Oh, come off it, Padfoot. Don’t look at him like that, not when it was your idea,” Remus said mildly. 

Thankfully McGonagall calling for our attention ended the conversation that had been delving into awkward territory. Before we set off for Hogsmeade village, we all split into our respective groups and pairs for the trip. I left Lily and the boys with a parting wave, and a grin only for Sirius, and joined up with Tess. Lia had managed to score a date with Andrew Flewelling, and she skipped off to join him with an encouraging smile from me and Emily. I smiled as I watched Lily and James, heads bent together in conversation, their teeth gleaming from between their lips as they smiled at each other. Remus had given my book back and was ticking off on his fingers a list of sweets to buy at Honeydukes, while Peter made comments and reminded him of other things they needed. As for Sirius, I watched him standing with Remus and Peter, making his date come to him from across the courtyard. Eventually, a very pretty brunette with beautiful robes marched confidently over and joined him. He offered her a half-smile and buried his hands farther into his trouser pockets, a careful look of indifference on his face. I felt sad. Now that I knew Sirius well enough, it was so obvious to me when he was closing off to the person at hand and retreating behind his Casanova image. I turned away, for fear that he’d see me staring straight through his façade and that I’d become too saddened to think about nothing but him during my trip to the village. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Our trip started out calmly enough, if a bit boring. Tess and I stopped at The Three Broomsticks to warm up with mugs of butterbeer, then she dragged me off to Quality Quidditch Supplies. We spent an hour in there before I convinced her to change tactics and come to the book shop, where we spent another hour before my shoulders and neck cramped too much to prolong our time amongst the musty books. We found a bench outside the bookstore and pulled our robes around us to buffer the wind, taking our time to talk. I hadn’t noticed how much I’d isolated myself that week, and recently in general, until Tess had to fill me in on things that the three of them had done while I’d been holed up in the library. I was stuck between feeling guilty that I’d disappeared into the woodwork, and glad that I hadn’t left my research to the last minute. If I were acting this differently before I’d obliviated my family, would I return completely changed from the holidays? What was Sirius doing at this particular moment? God, I wished that he were here to distract me. 

“Hey, Lupin, Pettigrew,” Tess said. 

“Rhodes.” 

I looked up and smiled at Remus. “Long time, no see, stranger,” I said.

Peter kicked a twig across the cobblestones, looking deflated without his usual task of flattering and egging on James and Sirius. “Grindylow,” he mumbled. 

“Raided Honeydukes first thing?” I said, nodding at the armful of sweets that Peter was carrying. 

Remus smiled. “Yeah. Where’ve you been so far?”

“The Three Broomsticks, bookstore,” Tess said, picking at her cuticles. 

“We’re heading back to Honeydukes now, if you want to join us,” Remus offered. 

I smiled. “Again?”

“We forgot the sugar quills for Padfoot,” Peter said, raising an accusing eyebrow at me when he mentioned my favourite Marauder. 

“I guess I’ll tag along. You coming, Tessie?” 

She rolled her eyes and swatted me. “No ‘Tessie,’ remember?”

“Oh, I completely forgot.”

“Tease.”

The four of us set off to the sweets shop, with Remus and Peter in front, me and Tess following. The boys were talking about some sort of secret passage that led to Hogwarts from the cellar of Honeydukes (though I couldn’t be sure that they weren’t taking the piss) as we passed by the other stores in Hogsmeade. I glanced at the storefront of Madam Puddifoot’s as we ambled by it, thinking about the first and only time that I’d been in there, and that the visit had been with Sirius. I hoped for his sake that he wasn’t trapped in there with his date, though that was hardly my fault. He’d backed himself into that corner, though maybe it was also James’s fault for pestering him. I’d seen that Sirius had been irritated in the forest when James had been hassling him, even if it had been the sort of teasing that good friends shared. Still, I had to wonder why Sirius had gotten so cantankerous from teasing about me. But didn’t I react the same way to the girls teasing me about him? To Lily poking fun about me and Sirius? I rubbed my face and walked on, unwilling to work myself up even more than I already was over something so silly as jokes about me and Sirius. 

I heard footsteps falling a ways behind me moments before a voice called out. “Moony! Kitten! Wormtail! Wait for me!”

The four of us turned to watch Sirius jogging towards us down the street, and then sliding to a stop in front of me as I brought up the rear of the group. He laid a hand on each of my shoulders, looking at me. “Kitten, you’ve got to help me,” he said, shaking me gently for effect. “It’s so fucking boring, I can’t stand it.”

I chuckled at his earnest expression. “You up and left Howell all alone?” 

“Yes! It’s so bloody boring, kitten. I think my brain’s about ready to bleed out my ears.”

“Padfoot, you can’t just leave a girl in the middle of a date,” Remus said sternly. 

“Who says I can’t? If it’s boring enough, I think that I can,” he said, smiling at me. 

“You’re a real nasty piece of work, you know that, Black?” Tess said sharply. 

Sirius flashed her a caustic look. “Funny, I don’t ever remember asking for your sodding opinion, Rhodes.”

“Padfoot,” Remus said, giving him a warning look. 

“Yeah, well, listen to it now, arsehole. Leaving a girl high and dry in the middle of a date? How the fuck do you put up with him, _kitten_ ,” she said, directing this last part at me. 

Sirius’s face went cold and he stood up straighter. “Jealous, Rhodes? Feeling left out? None of us want you here, so why don’t you bugger off.” He made several sweeping motions with his hand. “Go on, then.” 

“Padfoot!” Remus said sharply. 

“You’re the biggest wanker this school has ever seen, Black.”

“Suck your mum, Rho-”

“Sirius!” I said. “Stop.”

He looked at me, offering me a charming smile. “Sorry, kitten.”

“Have a bloody fantastic time with your wanker, Kersti,” Tess said, and then spun on her heel and left. 

“Padfoot, what the fuck,” Remus muttered. 

“You’re turning into me, losing your temper like that,” I said. 

He grinned. “Don’t they always say you become who you spend the most time with, kitten?” He seemed mollified from Tess’s insults because she’d said that he was ‘my wanker.’

“So you and Prongs have the same personality?” Peter asked. 

“Doesn’t excuse the fact that you’re being an inconsiderate cad and leaving a girl in the middle of a date,” Remus said. 

“Where’d you leave her, you silly dog?”

“In Madam Puddifoot’s. You’ve been in there, can you blame me?” he said. 

“Padfoot, she’s probably sitting there by herself wondering where you’ve gone off to, feeling like a bloody fool in front of the entire tea shop,” Remus said. 

“I told her I needed a smoke. I even kissed her before I left, that should count for something. Right, kitten?” he said, eyes twinkling mischievously.

“Padfoot, you need to go back there. At the very least, tell the girl that you don’t want to go on the bloody date anymore!” Remus snapped. 

Sirius pouted. “Why? She was boring me. I consider that grounds for leaving if I want to.”

Remus looked at me despairingly. “Kersti, talk some sense into him, please.” 

I looked at Sirius. “I think it would be very nice of you to go and tell her that you don’t want to sit in a musty tea shop with her.”

He pretended to brush away tears from his eyes. “Kitten, not you too.”

I rolled my eyes, turning him around and laying my hands on his back, pushing him gently down the street and back to Madam Puddifoot’s. “Get a move on. We’ll wait outside while you get it over and done with,” I said, flashing Remus a look. He smiled gratefully at me. 

I managed to corral Sirius back towards the tea shop and sent him on his merry way to break the news to Valerie. Remus watched the door, chewing on his lip, both of us worried about a potential meltdown or screaming fit or some other drama caused by Sirius being an arsehole. We didn’t have to wait long. The pale green door burst open and Sirius came bounding down the steps, looking like a crazed lunatic with the smile on his face. How he could go around smashing hearts and look so bloody indifferent afterwards shocked me, but then I reckoned he’d had lots of practice over the years. I smiled wryly at him as he slid to a stop next to me, his hands in his pockets and rocking back and forth on his heels like an overexcited schoolboy, which he was really. 

“You look awfully… pleased with yourself,” I said evenly. 

“How’d it go in there, Padfoot?” Peter asked, eyes shining with admiration. 

“A clean break. Of her heart, that is,” Sirius said and high fived him. 

Remus made a disappointed noise in the back of his throat. The doorbell jingled a second time as Valerie came outside, wiping her eyes and nose. She pulled her robes tighter around herself and looked across at me as I watched her. She gave me a very dirty look before setting off in the opposite direction down the cobblestone street. I wasn’t heartless; I felt bad for her, being humiliated by Sirius in front of the whole tea shop of lovey-dovey couples, not to mention the significant amount of gossip that would arise about how she “wasn’t good enough to entertain the heartthrob of Hogwarts.” Yes, I enjoyed being around Sirius and I was fascinated with him, but he really could be a git sometimes. If he hadn’t wanted to go with her to Hogsmeade in the first place, he could’ve left bloody well alone and not said yes when she’d asked. 

“Our date to Hogsmeade went very differently, kitten,” Sirius said as the four of us set off for Honeydukes again. 

“Maybe you should’ve thought of last time before you accepted her offer, Padfoot,” Remus shot over his shoulder, accompanied with a knowing look at the two of us walking together. 

“Hogsmeade dates are overrated,” Peter snarked, kicking a rock along the cobblestones as he went. 

“Had a point to prove with Prongs, Moony. You were there.”

“At the expense of someone else’s dignity,” I said mildly. 

Sirius raised an eyebrow at me. “I thought you’d be glad to get my full, undivided attention?”

I raised an eyebrow back but said nothing. 

“Oh, come off it, kitten. I was very nice and polite about it,” he said, poking me in the sides. 

I tried to squirm away but was unsuccessful. “Nevermind then,” I conceded, unable to help the smile that shaped my lips when I watched him back. 

Sirius walked closer to me and dropped an arm around my shoulders, nearly squashing me against him. He leaned his mouth closer to my ear. “You don’t have to worry, kitten. It’s not like I’d ever do that to you.”

I scoffed and elbowed him. “Who says I’m worried?”

“You’re not?” he said, his breath warming my cheek pleasantly. 

“No,” I whispered in his ear, his scent momentarily distracting me. “I’ve got you under my thumb, don’t I?”

He snickered and pinched my arse. “Maybe, maybe not. Maybe you’ll never know.”

I laughed. I didn’t know what to make of that, but when had I ever had a predictable time of it with Sirius Black? At least I had a firm answer now about how much he enjoyed my company. 


	34. Drinking Contest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m super excited that I’ve gotten to this part of the story, because we’re almost at the Christmas holidays and shit hits the fan (in a good way) when everyone comes back from the break. Only a few more chapters and then we get to the juicy stuff. 
> 
> In your eyes by The Weeknd

Another taxing and tense week passed. It brought me ever closer to obliviating my family, with the train back to King’s Cross Station set to leave on Saturday, exactly one week from now. To make matters worse, Tess wasn’t talking to me and was incensed at me for tolerating Sirius being an arsehole to her, and for sticking with him after she had walked away. I didn’t blame her, because I’d acted so callously. I’d apologized the day of, but I understood that she needed some space from me for her anger to fizzle out, and the least I could do was grant her that when I’d already behaved so poorly. Even though there was another quidditch match today- between Slytherin and Gryffindor no less- I opted to stay in the library, frantically cramming any information that I could find onto a piece of parchment with a Muggle pen. Like everyone except the Slytherins, I was confident that Gryffindor would be victorious under the leadership of James, and I was planning to attend the celebration in the Common Room after their inevitable win. What better way to distract myself than to get trollied with Sirius? 

As predicted, Gryffindor won the match and Emily came to collect me from our dormitory so that we could arrive together, and she teased me the whole way up about me running off to shag Sirius in the middle of the party like at the last one we had attended. We went through the portrait hole to the sound of raucous cheering and a chanting victory song about James’s quidditch prowess. I laughed at the sight of James being clobbered by his teammates and fans, the only thing visible being his mop of unruly dark hair because he was so tall. I saw Lily milling about with Marlene and Dorcas, and Sirius goofing around with Remus and Peter, but I split up from Emily and went to get a drink instead. I wanted to have a decent time at this party and not be moping in the corner, and for that I need some alcohol to wash away my stress. 

I’d just poured myself a drink and was watching the celebration unfold from the edge of the room when Sirius appeared next to me. 

“Jesus, you scared me,” I said and flashed him a grin. 

“Sorry, kitten. Didn’t mean to.” His eyes flicked from the cup to my face. “Hitting the drinks already, huh?”

“Mmm.”

He watched my face with what looked like concern for a laboured moment, before he grinned and ran a hand through his hair “Fancy a shag before we both get monged?”

I smiled. “That sounds lovely, old man. Who doesn’t like a celebratory shag?”

He laughed his bark-like laugh and led the way through the crowd, both of us ignoring the stares and whispering that followed us to the boys’ dormitory staircase. We took the steps two at a time and then bolted through the door, swinging it closed with a firm thud. I immediately noticed a blank, worn bit of parchment sitting on Sirius’s bedside table and had to bite my tongue to stop myself from telling him that I knew that it was the Marauders’ Map, and that he had supposedly developed a habit of checking it every morning. I didn’t want to scare Sirius away by telling him that I’d overheard them in the forest. 

“Shit,” Sirius said under his breath as he walked towards his four-poster bed, kicking off his shoes on the way. He raised his shirt to his nose. “I think I smell from the match.”

I slipped my own shoes off and started on my jumper. “I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

He turned around to give me an incredulous look. “No, it really is bad. I positively reek.”

“It’s worse than you think because of your dog nose.”

“So tigers are nose-blind?”

“No, but my sense of smell isn’t nearly as good as yours, so I doubt I’ll even notice anything. I think you’re blowing it out of proportion.”

Sirius sighed but smiled at me. “Lucky you, not being bothered by smells, kitten.”

I shrugged and pulled my jumper off. “Sometimes I hate being able to hear all the conversations going on around me in class, especially if someone’s saying something rude about me. Just part and parcel of being an animagus.”

He pulled his shirt off and I was momentarily distracted by the sight of his pale, lean torso. Fuck, he was hot. His eyes drank me in from head to toe. “Do you regret it, then? Becoming an animagus and all that?”

I shook my head. “No, never. It’s been far too helpful for me to ever regret it. And ultimately, it’s amazing,” I said, walking closer, unable to tear my eyes from his, “being able to see the world through a different perspective, to have a refuge when… things get too painful to, er… cope with,” I finished suddenly. I hadn’t meant to tell him that much, but it was too late now, and I didn’t mind with Sirius. There was no one better to tell about my personal struggles than him, despite the fact that I hadn’t shared the full story. 

He stared back at me and tucked a stray curl behind my ear. “That bad, huh?” he said, his expression suddenly solemn. 

I shrugged. “Sometimes. Not always. Depends.” Maybe that was what made my friendship with Sirius so different; I couldn’t lie to or hide from him, though I did have to resort to half-truths and avoidance. 

His thumb moved absentmindedly over the skin of my neck, his hand still resting there after tucking the hair away. He opened his mouth to say something but decided against it and drew away from me. I watched him, suddenly afraid that things would take a turn for the worse, until he offered me a lop-sided grin as he started on his belt buckle and zip. “I’m going to be done before you at this rate, kitten.”

“No need to be impatient,” I said, wiggling out of my trousers. 

“I’m always impatient when it comes to shagging you,” he said with a devious smirk. 

I chuckled in response and sat down on the edge of his bed to unclip my bra. Even though Sirius was watching my every movement as he sat down next to me, I wasn’t nervous. We’d fucked too many times for us to be edgy about being naked around each other, not that Sirius had ever been. In fact, his unwavering gaze emboldened me, made me more aroused because I could see how much I affected him. 

“We drive each other barmy, don’t we?” I said as I slipped my knickers down my legs. 

His beautiful lips quirked up. “Yeah, we do, kitten.”

I stretched out on my back on his bed, finding a comfortable spot for my head on his pillow. I didn’t have to wait long before he joined me, a hand braced beside me while the other ran down my waist, drawing the flat of his palm over my stomach, down my hip to my thigh, and then shifting my legs so that they were wrapped around his hips, his erection hard against my inner thigh. I sighed and he grinned, slowly lowering his weight on top of me before I pulled him down to close the distance between us. And then his perfect lips were pressing against mine and my tongue quickly wiggled in between his closed lips to explore the inside of his mouth. He sighed into my mouth and ran a hand over my leg from thigh to calf while I sank a hand into his dark hair. I couldn’t see myself ever getting tired of this, not when every moment with him fed my addiction for him. 

I broke away from him after a while. “Thanks for suggesting we shag first.”

His face was so close that the tip of his nose was nearly brushing mine. “Of course, kitten. Reckon this might be one of the last times before we leave for the holidays and I wanted to enjoy it.”

I smiled. “Hard to enjoy the sex if we’re both monged, yeah?”

“Mmm, yeah,” he said, smiling and watching my face. I wished that there was some more light in the room, so that I could admire the lovely grey of his eyes since his face was so close to mine. Before he resumed our snogging, Sirius paused to tuck a fly-away hair behind my ear and wipe the gathering sweat from my forehead. I flushed. Perhaps it was only him thinking of his own desire not to shag a sweat-covered girl, but the gesture felt oddly tender to me, especially when he was still fixated on my face. 

I swept a sweaty strand of hair that stuck to his cheek behind his ear and we both laughed. “Look how sweaty we are,” I said. 

He smiled. “It’s not bad, we’re equally sweaty.”

“Merlin forbid I’m grimy alone.”

Sirius laughed before he kissed me again, this time the chemistry that plagued our interactions bleeding through until we were both gasping and panting with need. This shag had already started to feel different, more intimate, than the last time, which had been a hasty quickie in the broom cupboard. Perhaps savouring the sex was how we should opt to go from now on, because this was turning out to be better than the previous times. 

I pulled my mouth from his. “D’you think our sex has gotten better?” I asked, suddenly nervous about his answer. 

He smiled and stirred on top of me, his bare skin shifting against mine so deliciously. “Yeah, I think it has. Do you?”

“Yeah, it’s loads better. Not that it wasn’t bad at all before,” I added hastily, “I just feel like we have a better feel for what the other wants now? If that makes sense.”

“Yeah, makes sense,” he mumbled, eyes on mine. 

I had an intense urge to unsay my question if I could’ve, because I didn’t want to remind him that he’d shagged me so many more times than he ordinarily did with a single girl. But why was I worrying about such silly things? I pushed my anxious thoughts away and drew him back down to my waiting lips with the hand in his hair, the other seeking purchase on his upper arm. Was I falling down into my need for Sirius, or was he drawing me up into him until my whole field of sensation was him, here, in his bed, and under his body? I didn’t know anything at this moment, except that I needed all of him. 

I groaned and broke away. “What position do you want to do?”

He shifted the hand on the bed next to my shoulder. “Like this.”

“But we’ve never had sex with you on top before,” I whispered. 

“I know. But I want to see you,” he whispered back, eyes glued to mine. 

“O-okay.” I swallowed, suddenly self-conscious under the weight of his gaze. 

He smiled gently. “Only if you want to, kitten.”

I nodded in affirmation. He kissed me softly before shifting so that he could be in a position to slide inside me. 

“Do you need me to finger you?” he asked, fingers running along my stomach towards my cunt. 

I shook my head. “No, I’ll be fine. I’m wet enough.”

He grinned in answer and positioned himself at my entrance before slowly sliding inside. 

“Oh, fuck,” I breathed. 

It never failed to amaze me how good he felt inside me everytime, and judging from his low groan, he felt the same way about me. He stilled for a moment before making a slow, measured thrust. I gripped his arm with one hand, the other still buried in his hair as he picked a slow pace to begin. I would’ve looked away with a sudden shyness from his gaze, which had never left my face, if I hadn’t been so equally transfixed. As he thrust faster into me, my breasts bouncing with the movement, everything but him and our sex vanished into the background. 

I gasped and writhed. I would’ve felt less scorched if Sirius had been fucking me in an actual fire. Flames seemed to lick up my limbs, starting from my toes and going up my legs, and scorching my torso on the way up to my neck. My vision blurred and I could hear my harsh breaths and the furious thumping of my heart. My lungs couldn’t draw breath fast enough to cool the fire that burnt me from the inside-out. Flames doused me, my cheeks burning hot as if branded by iron from a forge. I tipped my head back and moaned as my legs shook around his hips. 

“Merlin, are you alright?” he said, stilling inside me. “You look possessed.”

I tilted my head back down to look at him and couldn’t help but smile at his concerned expression. “I’m not possessed. It’s just… very intense this time round. Dunno what’s gotten into me.”

His lips quirked into a smile and he shifted a hand, which was braced on the bed next to my shoulder. “What does it feel like?”

I couldn’t tear my eyes away. “Like I’m on fire.”

“Because of me?” he whispered. 

“Because of you. I’ve never felt like this before,” I breathed. 

He shifted his weight on his hands, unable to break my gaze. “Good,” he whispered and rolled his hips. I groaned long and low. He grinned and resumed his pace from before, but this time he watched my face as I writhed and twisted and moaned underneath him, in between the pillars of his arms and underneath his body weight. It was as if Sirius had become the star that he was named after, and I was being pulled into his burning self. I wouldn’t make it out of this unscorched, unburnt by his touch, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care if his touch burnt brands forever into my skin where he caressed me, if his star-fire so consumed me that I was never the same again. I wanted this, I wanted him, and I didn’t care what happened. If I could never come back from this, from him, unscathed, then so be it. This sex, this joining together, was worth it.

When he reached a hand between our bodies to rub my clit, I moaned his name. I wouldn’t last much longer from this intense sex, and I told him as much as he rubbed his thumb faster. All my writhing underneath him and moaning his name must’ve gotten to him, because he came first, cursing and thrusting deep inside me. Then, he resumed rubbing my clit with renewed vigour and made me climax soon after, his name falling from my mouth in between my cries. 

I let out a shaky breath. “Merlin, that was quite the shag.”

Sirius barked out a laugh. “Yeah, it was.” He untangled himself from me and turned to lie down on his bed next to me, his hands behind his head and his legs crossed at the ankle. 

I stretched before staring up at the ceiling like him. “It really did feel like I was on fire, you know.”

Sirius grinned. “I believe you.” We drifted into a comfortable silence for a minute before Sirius turned his head on the pillow to watch me. “What’re you doing during the holidays?”

“Spending time with my family,” I said, trying not to let on how morose I was at the prospect of the Christmas holidays. I shifted so that we were face to face. “What about you?”

He gave me an easy smile. “I’m staying with Prongs and his family the whole time.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he said, scanning my face. “I did that last year too.”

I stared back at him, our heads so close on the pillow that I could feel his warm breath on my cheek. The unsaid statement was that he’d chosen to no longer spend time with his own family since he was not welcome there after being disowned, which gave me an idea of when he’d been labelled a blood traitor. In the vaguest way, I asked, “Is it better with his family?”

Sirius smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yes. Much better.”

“No comparison?”

“No comparison.” His smile was pinched. 

I sat up and poked him playfully where he was lying down. “Enough of that, old man. Fancy getting drunk now?”

He sat up, pushing some hair away from his face. “Now that we’ve had a wicked shag, yeah?”

I chuckled and got up to gather my clothes. Once we were both presentable and had smoothed our ruffled hair, we headed out of the dormitory together. I cast a last glance over at the Map, itching to pick it up and fiddle around with it to discover how it worked, and ask Sirius how they’d made it, but I forced myself to lead the way out and down the stairs. The party had gotten even more rowdy because the Common Room was significantly fuller. Sirius and I reached the bottom of the stairs and descended into the roiling mass of party attendees. I followed his lead until we stopped at a quieter corner of the room next to a drinks table. 

We’d just gotten our drinks poured when we were joined by Emily and Riley, who had come over to get their own beverages. 

“Ridgelow, Black,” Riley nodded to us while I smiled at Em in greeting. 

Emily gave Sirius a look of pure loathing. “Nice fucking job being a total arsehole to Tess, Black.” She turned to me. “And nice of you to abandon her, Kersti.”

I sighed and swirled the Butterbeer in my cup. “I know, I was a right bugger about it,” I said before Sirius could get a word in edgewise. 

“Yeah, you were. That took the biscuit.” Emily glared at Sirius but her expression was soft when she looked at me. “At least you can acknowledge it.”

“Will she forgive me? You know how she can hold a grudge like no other.”

“Yeah, she will. Thanks for giving her space to cool off though. I know that she appreciates it.”

I gave her a small smile before taking a sip of my Butterbeer. Riley cleared his throat. “Congratulations on today’s win, Black.”

Sirius grinned beside me. “Thanks, Rafferty.”

“I reckon you and Potter are set to win the Cup this year if you keep this up.” I rolled my eyes at Riley’s comment, as if Sirius and James were solely responsible for the Gryffindor team’s success. 

“Yeah, he thinks so too,” Sirius said, casting a glance over to where his friend could be seen talking with some other seventh-years. “And I should bloody well hope we do. He’s been training us to a pulp.”

I smiled and looked at James. “He does take quidditch very seriously. And so do you,” I added to Sirius. 

He grinned and pushed some hair away from his face. “The finest sport there is.”

Emily rolled her eyes. “Come on, Riles. I want to talk to Vance since she’s here.” She smiled at me before she set off for the other side of the room with her boyfriend in tow. 

“You really were being an arsehole last Saturday,” I said mildly. 

Sirius hummed noncommittally before downing the rest of his Butterbeer and wiping the foam from his mouth with the back of his hand. “Fancy some shots of firewhiskey, kitten?”

I finished mine as well. “Why not, I wanted to get trollied anyway.”

He flashed me a mischievous grin. “Knew you’d agree.”

“Knew? What are you, a legilimens?” I joked as he  _ accio _ -ed the nearest bottle of firewhiskey and pair of shot glasses. 

“I would never invade your mind without permission,” he said. 

“I know. And likewise.”

Sirius used magic to pour out the two shots before pocketing his wand and handing me one. He quickly tossed it back without so much as a cough. 

I laughed. “You didn’t have to do it so quickly. I wasn’t aware we were having a competition.”

He looked at me, a dangerous glint to his eyes. “A competition, huh? Fancy a drinking competition, kitten?”

I threw back my shot and coughed at the burning. “Oh, why not, old man.”

Sirius flashed me a shit-eating grin before refilling our glasses and handing me mine. We tossed the second and third ones back without a hitch, both of us feeling overconfident because the alcohol hadn’t hit our systems yet. However, it was bound to soon, given we were drinking on empty stomachs. Sirius drank the fourth shot and once he’d swallowed, he shook his head like a dog trying to rid himself of moisture that clung to his coat. I snorted and nearly retched up my fourth shot because I was laughing so hard. He was so like his animagus form. 

“What’re you laughing about, kitten?”

“You’re such a manky dog,” I said in between giggles. 

He made a silly face at me. “Hairballs.”

The next shot went down fine, but I stuck my tongue out after in disgust at the awful burning sensation in my mouth. Now it was Sirius’s turn to laugh at me being silly. 

“Hi, you two,” someone said, their figure swimming into view. 

“Evans, Prongs,” Sirius said with the beginnings of a drunk lilt to his voice. 

“Hiya,” I said as Lily got a mug of Butterbeer for herself and James. 

“We’re having a drinking contest,” Sirius announced to James, gesturing with a thumb between me and himself. 

He snorted with laughter. “Oh, shit. That’s a bad idea, Padfoot. Why am I not surprised?”

“We’ll be just fine, Rotter,” I garbled. 

“If by fine you mean passed out on a couch together for the whole world to see, then yes, I’m sure you will be,” Lily teased. 

James laughed. “Carpe diem, Lily.” He finished his mug of Butterbeer and I refilled it for him, despite my swimming vision and lessening control over my motor skills. Sirius got us another shot each and we guzzled those too. 

“It’s too bad you’re not in Slug Club, Kersti,” Lily said. 

“Slug Club?”

“Slughorn hosts a Christmas party for all the members of his Slug Club every year. It’s a rather formal affair where everyone wears dresses and suits and brings a date to it,” Lily explained. 

“S’dumb. I hate it,” Sirius muttered. 

“You’ve never been, how could you hate it?” Lily asked curiously. 

“Don’t need to go to know it’s fucking stupid,” Sirius replied petulantly. 

“Well, anyway, Lily is taking me as her date this year of course,” James jumped in, saving his best mate from getting carried away with his hatred for the gatherings. 

“No, really? You don’t say!” I joked. 

“Ha, ha, very funny,” James said. 

“Whaddya mean you’re taking Prongs? I thought you were taking me, Evans,” Sirius joked. 

I snorted with laughter. “Don’t you dare take him, Lily. I won’t have it,” I slurred. 

Lily wiggled her eyebrows at me. “Oh, I know you’d be livid.”

James straightened up. “Uh, excuse me? What about me? You think I fancy  _ my  _ girlfriend going with my best mate to a party? I’m in the same boat as you, Stripes.”

Sirius and I descended into a fit of drunken giggles. “We should show up and crash their stupid party, kitten,” Sirius said, draping an arm around my shoulders and grinning down at me. 

“Sounds like a plan, Stan.”

“Why’re you calling me Stan? That’s not my name.”

Lily and James were laughing at us being drunken hooligans. “You two are a mess.”

“A hot mess,” Sirius slurred. 

“Howdy, howdy, let’s get rowdy,” I mumbled and Sirius started wheezing from laughter. 

“S’what’re your plans for the holidays?” I said to James and Lily, leaning against Sirius so that I didn’t sway in place. 

“Well, you already know about the wedding and meeting my family, but besides that, I’m not sure,” Lily said. 

“Oh, I know. You should stay at my place for the last half and then go directly to King’s Cross with us on the second,” James said, ruffling his hair. 

“Sounds like a bloody good time,” Sirius added with a lopsided grin. 

“Have enough room at your house, Rotter?”

“More than enough. Way too much, in fact. Mum’ll be so happy to fill some of the empty guest rooms for once. Besides yours, Padfoot.”

“Still the same, Prongs.” 

“If you’re coming over, Lily-flower, we might as well invite Moony and Wormtail too.”

“Like last year,” Sirius added, his thumb rubbing over my shoulder absentmindedly. 

“Does sound like a good time,” I muttered, the party noise muting under the effects of the alcohol. 

“You could come too, Stripes,” James offered. “If you’re not doing anything during the break, that is.”

I blinked slowly, trying to reorganize my thoughts into a coherent train, with little success. “Gotta do important thingies over the break. Dunno if I’ll be ’round for it.”

“You going on vacation or what?” Sirius asked. 

“Nope, not vacation. Important stuff. With the family. Stuff.” Sirius stared at me as soon as I’d mentioned my family. Of course he would, seeing as his family was so messed up from what I’d heard. He was probably wondering if he wasn’t the only one with some serious familial baggage. “S’not that bad. My family’s fine,” I reassured him. 

He grinned, his eyes looking unfocused and glazed over from the shots. “Good thing we shagged before the drinks. I couldn’t do it now.”

James and Lily laughed. “Merlin, too much information.”

“So you don’t mind if we occupy the dormitory, Padfoot?”

Sirius shook his head vigorously. “Only if Moony and Wormtail aren’t there.”

“I’m not that blind! I wouldn’t start shagging in there if they’d gotten there first. What kind of lech do you think I am?”

“Ew, James, no!” Lily said, laughing at her boyfriend’s antics. 

“Moony isn’t even there, he’s over there with the other boys. And Wormtail is being a lightweight as usual.”

I raised a hand to rub my forehead and eyes. I wanted to go lie down somewhere, but I didn’t think that I would be able to walk in a straight line or not tip over if I wasn’t leaning so heavily on Sirius. At least I wasn’t stressed out anymore. 

“I’m still worried about meeting your family, Lily,” James said. 

“It’s not like you’d be going alone, you’ll have me there. And my parents are nice, you know that. I’m not sure about Petunia, but… I think it’ll be okay.”

“What about her fiancé?”

“Vernon? Oh, er… I dunno.”

“Good luck, sounds like a disaster,” Sirius said. “I don’t envy you.”

James raised an eyebrow at his friend. “It’s not like they’re Hungarian Horntails, Padfoot. We’ll come out in one piece.”

I stood, leaning against Sirius with his arm still around my shoulders, slipping in and out of awareness. I registered James and Lily leaving us alone after some time, with James holding her hand as he led her through the crowd. I raised a hand to my throbbing temples. God, why did I always think it was a good idea to drink? Why hadn’t I smoked some buds instead?

Sirius was amazingly less drunk than I was and had even helped himself to another mug of Butterbeer, his other hand gripping my shoulder gently. He was probably worried that I would fall over if he weren’t there to prop me up. 

“You were being a git in Hogsmeade,” I mumbled. 

“Yeah, I was.” I looked up at him in surprise. He raised an eyebrow. “What? I’m not oblivious. Fancy a sip?” he said, holding up the Butterbeer. I shook my head, and he finished the rest and put down his mug. “Not one of my finer moments.”

“Surprised you’d admit to it.”

Sirius scoffed. “You know I’m not heartless, and I am mostly self-aware.”

“Acting like an arsehole ’cause you don’t want people to see the real you isn’t an excuse.”

He was silent for a beat as he watched me. “I know,” he said quietly. 

“Why’d you do it, then?”

He shrugged. “Force of habit. S’easier to be an arsehole, I’ve had practice. Prongs and Moony help me see sense, thank Merlin.”

“Good friends call you out on your bullshit.”

“Like you?”

“Yeah, like me I reckon.”

Sirius hummed in response, his lips curving into a smile. 

I closed my eyes to stop the room from tilting and couldn’t help blurting out my thoughts. “Y’know, I really can’t get enough of you, that’s no exaggeration. I’ll miss spending time with you over the break, even if you don’t miss me. Something happy to think about since my life’ll go to shit.”

I felt him shift to face me, his arm falling from my shoulders. “What?”

“Just… stuff I gotta deal with, I’ll be oookkkkaaaayyyyyy.” I opened my eyes. “I’m talking nonsense, aren’t I?”

“A bit, yeah. S’funny though. You’re funny.”

“You’re funny too. You make me laugh. I like that about you,” I said, having no control over the stream of brain-to-mouth thoughts.

Sirius reached out to place his hands on my shoulders to steady me, and to steady himself since he looked wobbly on his feet as well. “You make me laugh too, I like that about you,” he slurred, but the twinkle in his grey eyes was serious. 

“At least it’s mutual,” I said, holding up a finger. 

“Gonna miss you making me laugh over the break, kitten,” he said, shaking my shoulders gently for effect and pouting. 

I stepped closer to pinch his cheeks. “Aw, so sweet.”

“You don’t think I’m an arsehole after Hogsmeade?” he said in a worried tone. 

“Nope, not at all. Just behave badly sometimes, you goof.” I tilted my head in confusion, taking my hands away from his face. “Is my opinion important to you?”

He smiled ruefully and cocked an eyebrow. “What d’you think? Very important. Dunno how or when that happened, I usually don’t give a shit ’bout what people think.”

I shrugged. “We’re friends, you’ll survive,” I said and patted him on the shoulder in mock-concern. 

“And I know you’re not the backstabbing type, so…”

“Stop, you’re gonna make me cry from all the happy feelings,” I said and pretended to wipe my eyes. 

“Aw, kitten, don’t cry,” he said and squashed me in a bear hug (or was it a dog hug?). 

“Not crying,” I said, but it was so muffled by his chest that he didn’t hear. 

“Usually I’d spend parties with Prongs, maybe Moony if he wasn’t too tired,” Sirius said wistfully. 

I stepped out of his arms to look at him quizzically. “D’you miss it? Since now he’s occupied with Lils.”

He shrugged and looked at the gyrating crowd around us. “He’s happy so I’m happy. Was bound to happen sometime. And I still have Moony and Wormtail.”

“You’ll always be number one in his heart, old man.”

He grinned widely at me. “I know, kitten.”

“He’s not what I expected either, when I met him,” I said with a loopy grin. 

“He can make bad impressions on new people.”

“A loveable idiot.”

Sirius laughed. “Yep.”

“Thanks for spending the party with me,” I said.

He looked at me and grinned. “Thanks for spending it with me. You don’t have to thank me.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” I parroted. 

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and let me lean into his side so that I wouldn’t fall over and make a bigger arse of myself than I already had. That was how Emily found me some time later when she came to collect me for our return journey to the Ravenclaw Tower, where I could pass out in the safety of our dormitory. I heard her muttering something about “bloody Black” as she steered me away. I managed to stop briefly to turn back to Sirius, who was watching me leave with a silly grin on his face. I waved and blew him a kiss, my smile mirroring his. He returned my air-kiss and I could hear his barks of laughter from here. God, he made me so bloody happy and I knew that I would sorely miss him over the Christmas holidays. 


	35. King's Cross Station

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are the translations of the Swedish words and phrases that appear in this chapter:   
> “Min lilla Kersti Långstrump” means “my little Kersti Longstocking”  
> “Mamma, han är en gubbe” means “Mom, he’s an old man”   
> “Nej” means “no”
> 
> My apologies to any Swedish speakers if I got anything wrong! 

Saturday, December seventeenth dawned with cloudy skies but no rain. I dragged myself out of bed, feeling extremely tense and ill-rested, and packed my Muggle satchel before I went down to the last meal before Christmas break. I didn’t bother packing a trunk, as there was nothing I needed to bring. I would be keeping all my things for school at Hogwarts, and I would need to get rid of most of my possessions at my Muggle house anyway. I would have no use or space for them after I obliviated my family, not to mention that I would have to get rid of any evidence of them having had a daughter before I wiped their memories. I couldn’t have them wandering through the house, getting confused as to why there were extra shoes or a room with pictures of them with a redhead girl whom they no longer knew as their daughter. In sum, I would have to erase all evidence of my existence from not only their minds, but their house. 

I didn’t manage to choke down anything but a cup of tea at breakfast, not when what lay ahead for me was hanging over my head like an immovable storm cloud. I’d crammed any helpful notes about memory charms that I wanted to review, as well as a Muggle novel for the train ride, into my satchel. I’d also  _ reducio _ -ed a change of Muggle clothes, since I wanted to change out of my wizarding robes on the train. My brother always teased me incessantly if I let him see me in my robes, not to mention that I didn’t want to look extremely out of place after I walked through the barrier to the Muggle side of the train station. I’d never live it down if I walked through crowds of Muggles wearing my robes, my brother would make sure of it. 

A few professors escorted us to Hogsmeade station as usual, and remained there to make sure that all the students who had wished to return home had safely boarded the train, with no belongings left behind. Tess staked out a compartment for the four of us to sit in, the three of them talking excitedly about all the things that they were going to get up to over the break. I sat in the window seat, using the opposite one as a footrest, and cracked open my novel. I hadn’t been sitting there long, eyes focused on the page, when the sound of the compartment door opening drew me away.

Lily was leaning forward with both hands on the door frame, smiling at us. “Hi, sorry. I was sent to collect Kersti, so I’ll be unfortunately stealing her from you. With her consent, of course.”

“Where am I going?” I asked, though I was by no means afraid for myself. It was Lily taking me away, afterall. 

She smiled, her bright green eyes twinkling. “A certain boy has requested your presence in our compartment, and so did I.”

I sat up straight. “Sirius actually asked you that?”

“No, not in so many words. Er, not verbally at least. So not really. But when I mentioned I was going to see you, he perked up so that speaks for itself. I reckon he would’ve asked me to bring you along if he hadn’t been in front of the boys, you know how James teases him and all that.”

Emily and Lia burst into giggles and snogging noises. “Get out of here, you goofs,” I said, making a shooing motion at them. 

Tess cleared her throat pointedly across from me. I looked at her and nudged her leg with my foot. “Hey, Tess.”

“If you’re asking for my approval, I don’t care either way,” she said, not lowering her quidditch magazine from in front of her face. “Just because I’m your friend, doesn’t mean I control you.” She finally lowered it, a smile twisting her lips. “As long as you don’t bring him  _ here _ , I’ll be fine.”

“I know… well, you know how I feel like shit for what happened.”

“And you know I forgave you last week after you apologized profusely. Go, have fun.”

“You sure?”

She whacked me on the leg with the rolled up magazine. “I’ve already forgiven you and I’m not your mum or anything. I’ll see you on Platform 9 ¾.”

“Thanks, Tess. I really appreciate it.”

Her response was a laugh and some loose Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans pelted at my back. At least I had her back on my side, even if she highly disproved of my newer friend. I gathered my things, said goodbye, and followed Lily out and down the train corridor. I ignored Lily’s impish smile as we went down the carriage, not wanting to elaborate on anything related to Sirius. I reckoned that I’d earnt my fair share of teasing, since it was my  _ modus operandi _ when it came to showing affection with those around me. 

“Look who I brought back with me,” Lily said in a cheery voice as she drew open the door of a compartment. 

Remus, Peter, James and Sirius all looked up at the interruption of a very heated game of Exploding Snap. Peter and James had what looked like ash on their faces from the remnants of an exploded card, though James had taken the time to wipe his glasses clean, while Sirius had a smear of soot on his forehead. Remus seemed to be winning, and consequently was the only clean one of them. 

“Welcome back into the fray, Evans,” Remus said, a proud gleam in his eyes as he admired his hold over the competition. James scrambled to wipe the debris off his face, but only succeeded in rubbing it over more of his skin. 

“Hey, kitten,” Sirius said with a cheeky grin. “Come sit next to me, we’re almost done.” He gestured to the seat beside him, as if I needed the encouragement and as if I was planning to sit anywhere else. Lily sat down next to James so that we were across from each other, while Peter and Remus were next to the window. Though, with their aggressive card game, they were all leaning nearer to one another and there was a sense of the boys having their separate circle, while Lily and I remained content on the edges. 

“Alright then, Moony. Your turn,” James said. 

Sirius pushed his shirt sleeves up to his elbows and leaned forward in eagerness, resting his arms on his legs. I was momentarily distracted by the revelation of his forearms and leaned nearer to look over his shoulder at his hand of cards. “What d’you think?” he whispered, showing me his hand. 

“Dunno,” I said, meaning it. I had no idea how to play any sort of card game, wizarding or Muggle. 

“Are his cards rubbish, Grindylow?” Peter asked casually. 

“I wouldn’t know, I don’t know how to play any card games.”

Remus laughed. “Better luck next time, Wormtail.”

“Evans, what’s Prongs’s hand like?” he said. 

“What’re you getting at, Wormtail? Trying to lead my girlfriend over to the dark side?”

“No, it was just a harmless question. She doesn’t have to tell me.”

“Moony, I call interference. You can’t start asking the spectators for help,” Sirius said. 

“Kersti, what’s Padfoot’s hand like?” Remus joked. 

“Fuck’s sakes,” Sirius said in between barks of laughter. 

“I joke, but anyway, no asking for aid, Wormtail,” Remus added. 

Lily and I exchanged a smile as the boys went back to being engrossed in their game. While she drew her legs up onto the seat to sit cross-legged, I stretched mine out and used it as a footrest again, getting comfortable with the novel that I’d brought. We looked over every so often as a card exploded, adding to the ash and debris already on the boys. I tried to laugh along with the others, but the closer we drew to London, the more tense and miserable I became. How could I hope to act normally around my family today? And how would I distract them while I got rid of all evidence of my existence in the house? They couldn’t very well walk in on me burning my bed or clothes. I reckoned that I’d have to magically seal my bedroom door until I was done obliviating them. In an attempt to ease my shaky nerves, I pulled all my notes on memory charms and false memory charms out of my satchel and began flipping through them while the boys finished their card game. 

“Well, that’s that,” James said, brushing off his robes and hands. “Lend me a hand getting this ash off me, Lily?”

“At least you did much better this round, Wormtail,” Sirius said, shifting beside me so that he was leaning back against the seat. 

“Bloody hell, get those off me! Look how much room we’ve got in here, you sod!” James said to Sirius, who had tried to use his friend’s lap as a footrest. 

“James, for god’s sake, why don’t I just use magic to get this ash off you?”

“Because he wants to feel your sweet, loving touch, Evans,” Sirius quipped, making us all laugh. 

“Stop ruining my charming techniques, Padfoot,” James said, whacking him on the leg with a random copy of  _ Witch Weekly  _ that had doodles all over the cover. 

“Why d’you need to charm your dear Lily-flower if you’re already dating?” I said, cocking an eyebrow. 

“Agh, nevermind,” James muttered and pushed his glasses up his nose, clean now that Lily had waved her wand over him. 

“You’ve got some ash on your face,” I said to Sirius. “Come here so I can wipe it off.”

Sirius obliged and let me wipe the soot from his forehead with my thumb. “Thanks, kitten.”

Peter cast a longing look at the compartment door and the aisle outside. “Why didn’t we ever do that petition to have the trolley witch go ’round on the trips back to King’s Cross?” 

“I said I’d help you,” Remus answered, glancing out the window. “You insisted that you needed Padfoot and Prongs to help.”

“Because they would’ve gotten all the signatures I’d need.”

“Too much effort, wasn’t worth my time,” Sirius drawled. 

“I can help you with a petition, Peter,” Lily said, smiling kindly at him. 

He shook his head and grumbled something under his breath. 

“Has anyone got anything good to read? I forgot to bring a book for the train,” Remus said. 

“Here, read these. I compiled them from all the research I did,” I said and handed him my hefty sack of notes. 

“Merlin’s arsehole, you do homework over the break?” Sirius said. 

“Oh, don’t look so worried. I don’t, I just, er… forgot I left them in my robe pockets.”

Sirius laid a hand against his chest dramatically. “Thank Merlin! I was worried that you were revealing your boring side.”

I elbowed him playfully. “Tease.”

I read my novel while Lily flipped through a supplementary Potions textbook, with the boys falling into one of their ardent quidditch debates, until Lily checked her wristwatch and nudged my feet which were right next to her leg. 

“Hmm?” I said, looking up. 

“Did you bring Muggle clothes to change into? D’you want to change into them now? We’re about an hour away.”

I agreed and tossed aside my book, stretching my back and legs in preparation to stand.

“Where’re you going, Lily?” James asked, noticing her standing by the compartment door. 

“Changing into Muggle clothes.”

Sirius smirked at me. “Can I come too?”

I laughed and poked him. “You’ll just have to settle for imagining me getting changed in the loo, you dog.”

“Worth a try,” he said, still grinning and watching me as I left with Lily. 

There were some other students milling about in the aisles, some coming back from the lavatories in Muggle clothes, others pressing their faces against the windows to see how far we were from London. I stared out the window too, wishing that I were out there, or anywhere else but here, trapped in this metal cage, rattling through the countryside towards my family, who would know nothing of me in a few short days. Yes, I needed to do this sooner rather than later, and I was glad that they hadn’t been found by Death Eaters yet, but naturally I was dreading the task that lay ahead for me. Lily met me back outside the lavatories, wearing a very smart outfit, her green jumper highlighting the colour of her eyes. I looked pretty drab in my trainers, jeans and navy jumper, though I’d opted to keep my black outer robe on to hide my Muggle clothes from prying eyes. My brother would tease me and call me a bat, but it was better than being easily identified as “mudblood scum” by my clothes. 

“Wow, Lily…” James stuttered when she entered the compartment ahead of me. “You look bloody fantastic.”

She blushed and smiled. “Thank you,” she said and sat down next to him again. 

Sirius couldn’t take his eyes off my legs. The poor bloke wasn’t used to seeing all of my legs at once if we weren’t naked, since my uniform skirt went to my knees. It didn’t help that I’d put on my high-waisted jeans that were slim-fitting all through the leg, not leaving much to the imagination. I plopped back down into the seat beside him, and he finally managed to lift his eyes to my face. His expression was one of pleasant surprise; he clearly hadn’t thought that I could get anymore attractive. 

I cocked an eyebrow. “What’re you looking at, love?” 

Sirius grinned and stared right back. “Your legs,  _ love _ .”

“Oi, not in front of us, that’s disgusting,” James said, ending the sexually-charged moment. Sirius and I laughed good-naturedly, and with a last, longing glance at my jean-clad legs stretched out beside him, he turned back to his friends. 

“So we can come then? Like last year?” Peter said to James. 

“Yeah, that’s the plan, Wormtail. Come ’round to my place on the twenty-eighth?”

“Fuck, I can’t believe we have to drag ourselves out to London on the second. I won’t even be sober from New Year’s by the time we board the Hogwarts Express,” Sirius grumbled. 

“Just make a hangover potion.”

“You think I had the forethought to nick the ingredients? Of course not. Who fucking decided to make the train back on the second?”

“Er, dunno, Padfoot.”

“Bet it was Filch so he could whip hungover students wandering the corridors.”

“Merlin, how much are you all planning to drink?” Lily said. 

“A lot,” Sirius replied. 

“It’s, er, sort of a tradition, Lily. Er, for the past two years,” James said, ruffling his hair. 

“Oh… well then.”

“You don’t have to partake or anything.”

“Yeah, Evans. No one’s forcing you. I mean, you won’t have as much fun as us because you’ll be sober as a-”

“Shut it, Black. Just have some Butterbeer on hand, will you? Then I’ll be fine.”

“You can keep Wormtail company, he’s a lightweight.”

“Thanks for dropping me in the shit, Moony.”

Sirius, James and Remus burst out laughing. I hid my face behind my novel, not letting Peter see that I was on the verge of laughing too; he never tolerated anyone laughing at him except his friends. 

“Oh, yeah. So bloody funny, huh?” Peter grumbled. 

James clapped him on the back. “We only do it because you’re our best mate, Wormtail. And all I can think about when someone mentions you’re a lightweight is when you got so sloshed in fifth year you started snogging the statue of Boris the Bewildered to get into the Prefects’ Bath.”

Sirius wheezed, tears gathering in his eyes. “Merlin! And then later,” he got out between wheezes, “you forgot to jump the vanishing step and got stuck in the gap up to your chest.”

“You did sod-all when that happened, Padfoot. You just stood there laughing while me and Prongs pulled him out,” Remus said. 

“Why’s it my fault I couldn’t stop laughing? You should’ve stopped Wormtail from falling in the first place.”

“You spiked my drink with firewhiskey! It was all your fault, Padfoot!” Peter said, pointing an accusing finger. 

Sirius held up his hands in a show of surrender. “I may or may not have added several shots’ worth of firewhiskey to your drink, but what you do while you’re trollied is out of my control.”

I started laughing and exchanged a look with Lily. We’d obviously underestimated the sorts of private mischief and tomfoolery that these four hooligans got up to. 

“Wormtail, don’t feel too bad,” Remus comforted him. “Remember when Padfoot had to retch in that broom cupboard on the way up from the Forbidden Forest?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s right, Moony. When was that?” James said. 

“Last year, if I remember correctly.”

Sirius blew a breath out between his lips. “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. Since when am I a lightweight? I never retch when I drink.”

“Uh, what in Merlin’s name are you going on about? You holed up in the loo last year during the Halloween party, and I know you weren’t shagging some bird in there, because I watched you go in.”

Sirius buried his dark-haired head in his hands, conceding defeat and letting his friends have a laugh at his expense, though he was grinning good-naturedly when he raised his head. I smiled, taking a moment to watch him laughing and joking with his friends, before turning back to my novel. After what felt like only minutes, the Hogwarts Express began to slow and then jerked to a stop, the windows looking out onto King’s Cross Station. My stomach seized and I took my notes back from Remus with clammy hands, cramming everything back into my satchel. I made sure that my robes were hiding my Muggle clothes as the boys levitated their trunks off the compartment’s luggage rack, and all too soon the six of us were getting to our feet and tumbling out into the aisle, and then out the nearest door and onto Platform 9 ¾. 

The platform was a buzz of activity, full of witches and wizards in robes, trunks and stacks of books floating through the air behind their owners, young children chasing one another, parents calling and waving to their children. I followed the boys and Lily as they weaved through the crowd until they had found a spot to wait, the crowd parting on either side of us like water around a rock.

James was using his superior height to crane his neck over the crowd. “I don’t see any sign of them. They’re probably running late.”

“As usual,” Sirius added and the boys laughed. 

“When’re your parents getting here, Lily?” James asked. 

“Soon, I think. They said that they’d stick around until yours come so that they can have a proper meet and greet,” she said, also scanning the crowd for her family. 

Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets beside me and grinned. “You nervous, mate?”

“Piss off,” James said and laughed before he went back to searching for the Evans and Potter families. 

“Where’s your leather jacket, Padfoot?” Peter asked. 

“Don’t get your knickers in a knot, it’s in my trunk. I’ll put it on later.”

I turned to Sirius. “You have a leather jacket? Like a Muggle one?”

He grinned. “Yeah, a black one. Does that surprise you?”

I shook my head. “Surprisingly, no. Seems like a you kind of thing.” 

“I’ll take that as a compliment, kitten.”

“Good, I meant it as a compliment.”

“Aww, kitten.”

“Oi, you two. No snogging in front of us,” James said and whacked Sirius on the back. 

“Right back at you with Evans, Prongs,” Sirius said and whacked James back. 

“Hey, Padfoot, look. It’s Regulus,” Peter burst out. 

Remus gave him a sharp look and a quick disapproving shake of his head. I turned to where Peter had been looking and saw a boy with the same dark hair as Sirius, but who wasn’t nearly as tall or handsome. He was accompanied by a witch and a wizard who were clearly his parents. The resemblance was striking, and I realized that this must be Sirius’s parents and brother; that much was obvious from the dark hair, pale complexions and haughty good-looks that they all had. However, Sirius’s brother Regulus I noted was slimmer and smaller than his older brother, and neither did he have his lips or nose, even if he did have the same cheekbones. I watched as Regulus embraced his parents, his trunk sitting neatly beside him. I could see the immaculate condition that his Slytherin robes were in, along with the glittering of the Prefects’ badge on the front as it caught the midday light. He made a very tidy figure, and it seemed as though no hair was out of place, so different from the sloppy-chic way that Sirius always wore his own uniform. 

I turned my focus to Sirius’s parents next. I could see Sirius’s resemblance to his father immediately, and same with his mother, and they even looked eerily similar to each other, with the same shade of hair and aristocratic features. Both of his parents were dressed in rich, opulent robes which revealed their elevated socio-economic status, along with the beautiful jewelry that his mother wore. She must’ve had rings on every one of her fingers, the precious stones and intricate metal work catching the light as her hands moved while she spoke to her husband. However, she did look to be in much better health than Sirius’s father, who had a greyish pallor to his skin and whose hair bore a significant amount of silver strands amongst the black. As he clasped his son on the shoulder affectionately, a large, chunky gold signet ring caught my eye. With my tiger vision, I noticed that it had what looked like a family crest on it, and I assumed that it was that of the Blacks.

After Regulus had spoken with his parents, he turned his attention immediately to a book that he’d been carrying at his side. While his parents- his mother especially- turned to their neighbours closest to them and began socializing, Regulus stayed where he was, head bent over his book and dark hair falling forward. The three of them were positioned perfectly at the centre of a collection of other Slytherin families, who were no doubt all purebloods as well. The other families revolved around the three Blacks, various members coming to converse with Sirius’s parents. I watched as Avery, a younger brother and sister I hadn’t known that he’d had, and his parents approached them, and then fell into a vibrant and amicable conversation with the Blacks. The Averys and the Blacks greeted each other like old friends, and I remembered what Avery had said about there being pureblood gatherings. Despite all the pureblood families that came to socialize with his parents, Regulus remained focused on his book, only looking up to provide a nod or brief word in greeting. And though all of these families approached the Blacks, Sirius’s parents still seemed to maintain an air of superiority. It was clear that they lived and breathed their status as one of the oldest, richest and most noble pureblood families in Britain. 

James spoke, drawing my gaze back to the boys. “Merlin, poor Regulus. Have to feel bad for him, since he’s such a loser compared to our Padfoot.” He clapped Sirius on the back, sensing the sour mood that had washed over his friend because of Peter’s tactless comment. 

Sirius wasn’t looking at his family, instead staring off into the distance, his eyebrows drawn low and his mouth set in a hard line. I had only seen him this tense once before- when Avery had been taunting him about his family- and I couldn’t help but look at him curiously, waiting for his reaction. He noticed me studying him and his expression shifted minimally as he tried to flash me a smile; it came out as more of a pained grimace. “That’s my dear brother, kitten. And my dear old parents.” He looked at me, daring me to do something with the hard look in his eyes, though what that was, I couldn’t be sure. 

“Any normal, decent person would hate them too for what they believe in, Sirius,” I said quietly, meeting his eyes and refusing to back down. He was trying to lash out again in his hurt and anger. 

His features softened but he didn’t say anything. James looked from me to Sirius quickly, perhaps trying to figure out how much I’d found out about his best friend’s shitty family. 

“It’s fine, Prongs,” Sirius said, still staring at me. He said this to placate James, who’d been looking at me with increasing hostility, as if he needed to jump in and defend Sirius from me. 

“Alright, Padfoot,” he said and Remus exhaled a long breath which he must’ve been holding from the tension. Peter was looking from me to Sirius with bugged-out eyes, clearly shocked that his friend had chosen to become close to anyone other than the three of them. I saw Lily steal a glance over at the Blacks before resuming her search for her family in the crowd, out of politeness for Sirius’s privacy. 

“Kersti, are your parents picking you up here?” Lily asked me. 

My stomach jolted painfully. “Shit,” I said. 

“What?” she said. 

“Shit, I forgot to tell them not to come to Platform 9 ¾.”

“What?” James said. 

“I came here by myself in September. It’s not that I’m embarrassed of them, I’m afraid for them, being Muggles and all in the midst of a bunch of blood purist Slytherins. And I wanted to keep my blood status a secret.” I scanned the crowd frantically, looking for my mom or brother’s blond head. “Shit, shit, shit. Oh, cock and balls!” 

“It’ll be fine, kitten,” Sirius said. 

“Before you go,” Lily said, “what’s your address, Kersti?”

“Er…” I craned my neck, my focus now on locating my family in the sea of witches and wizards. “723 Kingswood Road, Reading,” I answered automatically, still frantically scanning the crowd. 

“That way when we invite everyone over on the twenty-eighth, Padfoot’ll be so-”

“Lay off it, will you?” Sirius cut in and threw James a punch on the arm. 

I saw my mum’s head of blonde hair in the crowd moments before she noticed me. When she did, she and my dad waved and smiled. My heart raced. God, I was such a fucking idiot for forgetting to tell them to stay on the Muggle platform. The three of them were standing there, exposed and already attracting sneers and stares from the purebloods around them. 

“Min lilla Kersti Långstrump!” Mum called out to me and waved, beaming and blissfully unaware of how much danger she was in. Not that anyone would dare to attack them this openly, but later, if someone followed us… I waved back and forced a smile. 

“Are those your parents and brother, kitten?” Sirius asked beside me. 

I swallowed the lump in my throat and blinked back tears. This was the end of my family’s life as they knew it. “Yeah. I’ve got to go. Er…” I took a few steps forward, then turned back to face them, but I could only stare at Sirius. “I’ll see you soon,” I said and turned on my heel, making my way as quickly to them as possible. 

My parents, Astrid Nilsson and John Ridgelow, gripped me in a fierce hug when I had reached them. “Hi, Mum, Dad.” I saw Magnus lurking next to them, staring around at the witches and wizards in incredulity. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” John said. 

“How was school, Kersti Långstrump?” Astrid asked. 

“It was fine, Mum.” 

“Mum and Dad said I can have both our rooms,” Magnus cut in. 

I rolled my eyes and stepped back from my parents so that we weren’t having a group hug in the middle of the crowded platform. “Yeah, right.” 

“Magnus, she just got back. You don’t need to start with that,” John said. 

“And they gave me your car.” 

“Magnus!” 

“You wish! You can’t even drive, squirt,” I retorted.

“I will soon,” Magnus shot back, making a rude face at me. 

“Children, no bickering,” Astrid said. For now at least, Magnus and I ceased our childish feud, though it was sure to start up again in the hour-long car ride back to Reading. My parents were looking around curiously after having greeted me, as they always did when confronted with wizard folk. To any Muggle, of course the scene on the train platform would be bizarre, with all the wizards in their flowing robes and hats, trolleys following wizards of their own accord, trunks being made to whizz through the air. 

“Where are Emily, Theresa and Amelia? You didn’t have a falling out with them, did you?” Mum asked. 

I shook my head. 

“Are those your friends too?” John asked, nodding in the direction of the Marauders and Lily, who were still waiting for the Potter and Evans families to show up. I faced their way. Lily waved at me, smiling, and I waved back. Sirius grinned at me and blew me a kiss, which I returned with equal vigour before turning back to my parents. 

“Who’s the tall one with the long hair staring at you, Kersti? The one who just blew you a kiss?” Astrid asked. 

“That’s a bloke?” Magnus said. “Oh, I thought that was a woman.” 

I started laughing. 

“Yes, well, if it weren’t for his face, maybe he’d verge on looking like a woman,” John added. 

I kept on laughing, thinking about what Sirius would do if he heard someone saying that he looked like a woman. “Oh, that’s Sirius,” I said when I had managed to control my laughter. 

“What?” Astrid said. 

“You mean, like,  _ serious _ ?” Magnus added. 

“No, like the star.” 

“So, it’s  _ Sirius _ and not  _ Serious _ ?” 

“Yes.” 

Magnus stared at Sirius with a look of pure confusion on his face. “Why would you name your kid after a star?” 

I shrugged. “Wizards and witches tend to name their kids more . . . bizarre things.” 

“Poor chap. Hope he doesn’t get bullied at school for having a name like that,” John said. 

I laughed again. “Oh, no, don’t spare him too much sympathy. If anything, he’s actually doing most of the bullying,” I said, thinking about how James and Sirius loved to torment Snape. 

My parents frowned at me. “He’s not bullying you, is he? If he is, I’ll go talk to him, wizard or not,” Dad said, this time staring Sirius down like a bull ready to charge.

“No, no, he never bullies me. He’s my friend,” I said quickly. 

“Oh, thank God. But he’s a very good-looking friend, Kersti,” Astrid said, giving me a knowing look. 

My dad was still looking at Sirius. “He’s also not  _ ogling _ you like a friend would.” 

I laughed. “Can we go now, please? I’m starving.” I wasn’t actually hungry, but I wanted to get out of view of any Slytherins and blood purists (namely Avery), and I felt bad that Sirius was getting stared down by my family. They meant well, but like so many parents, they could get a tad overprotective. 

“Why don’t you go introduce us to your new friends, sweetheart?” John said, smiling at me. “They’re new, aren’t they?”

“Yes, but I don’t really think that’s necessary.”

“Why not, Kersti?” Astrid said, smiling at the Marauders and Lily across the way. “I’d like to meet some more of your school friends. It’s so hard, not really knowing all the details with your school, and at least this way we can have a good idea of your friends.”

Magnus smirked at me. “Yeah, I want to ask that woman-looking bloke why he can’t afford a good pair of scissors to cut his hair.”

“Yeah? Well, I’ve got a long, pointy object in my pocket, fancy that in your eye?” I shot back. “Mum, Dad, please. Can we go?” I said, trying to minimize my uncomfortable squirming. 

Astrid saw the look on my face and smiled gently. “Alright, if you want, Kersti Långstrump.”

“No harm done, sweetheart,” my dad said. “Magnus, stop staring at that poor chap, even if he does have longer hair. We don’t know what sort of hairstyles are in vogue in the Wizarding World.”

“Why does it matter if he’s a ‘wizard’ or not? He looks like a woman with that-”

“Magnus, nej. Don’t insult Kersti’s friends,” Astrid said. 

I paused and turned back to the boys and Lily. Remus was with a man and a woman who looked to be his parents, while James and Lily were discussing something. Sirius was still watching me, as I knew that he had been doing the whole time. He grinned at me, his hands in his pockets. I smiled back and waved in a parting greeting, and with a last lingering look at him, I turned away and followed my family through the crowd and back onto the Muggle side of the platform. 

“Now, Kersti, you aren’t dating this Sirius boy? Because your father and I thought you were still seeing Matthew? We just sent you one of his pink packages in November, so we thought-”

I shook my head. “No, I’m not dating Sirius.” I grinned and added, “Mamma, han är en gubbe.” 

Astrid did a double take and looked at me. “En gubbe?” 

“What are you two calling this boy now?” John said as we left the station and went in search of our car. 

“En gubbe. An old man, Dad.” 

“Kersti, he’s your age. Why in heaven’s name are you calling him that?”

I grinned at the mere thought of Sirius. “He’s born in November of 1959, so I call him ‘old man’ sometimes.”

He gave me a stern look over his shoulder. “Kersti, that’s not very nice of you. That’s only two months shy of 1960.”

“Kersti fancies the Starboy,” Magnus said in a sing-song voice.

I turned and made a face at him. 

“Does this poor chap mind if you call him that?” John added as he unlocked our Volvo. 

“We’re friends, Dad. Most of our conversations are based on us teasing each other incessantly.”

My mother smiled at me knowingly before she got into the passenger seat. “Tell us if you and this  _ gubbe _ ever decide to date each other. I’m sure we’d like to have a proper meeting with him.”

“Nej, Mamma. It’s not that kind of friendship.” Although, I was leaving out the parts of our interactions that were based on us shagging each other.

“Well, I’m glad that you’ve been making friends, honey.”

“Kersti’s making friends with women-looking blokes.”

“Stop it, Magnus!” I said. “He does not look like a woman.”

“Dunno, that hair looked awfully feminine to me.”

“Did you even bother to look at his face, you ninny?”

“Magnus, Kersti, stop the bickering,” Astrid said over her shoulder as we did up our seatbelts. As my father shifted gears and pulled out of the spot, I looked out the window and felt the dread welling up inside me. This Christmas break would change me and the course of my life forever, and there was nothing I could do except execute the plan that I’d already formulated, even if I could never forgive myself for what I would soon do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please note that Regulus will not be making more than a very minor appearance in the story.


	36. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please hang in there with the fanfic, even though the next two chapters will not be as fun and exciting. I promise that things will get very good when Kersti returns to Hogwarts, because a certain Marauder will have spent the break realizing that he misses his Grindylow much, much more than he anticipated. After all, we’ve still yet to see the real romance happening. The next two chapters will be on the sadder side, with angst, emotional hurt/suffering and grieving. Feel free to skip the next two chapters at your discretion if the subject matter is a concern. 
> 
> I also just wanted to say a massive, heartfelt thank you to everyone who has been commenting on the story. I really enjoy hearing all that you have to say and I’m so excited to share the upcoming chapters with all of you.
> 
> Some definitions/translations:  
> -kanelbullar: cinnamon buns  
> -dammsugare: also called arrak rolls. A rolled dessert made with marzipan.  
> -Jansson’s Temptation: a kind of potato dish  
> -julskinka: Swedish Christmas ham
> 
> Northern Lights by Death Cab for Cutie

I spent the remainder of Saturday and Sunday getting my things in order for Monday. In secret, I went around my parents’ house getting rid of any evidence of my existence. Some things I kept for myself, like photographs of the four of us together; other things I burnt, like various documents that mentioned me. I sealed my bedroom door closed with magic, so that it wouldn’t open to anyone without _alohomora_ , and in there I sorted through what clothes I’d keep, which ones I’d give to the Salvation Army, and which ones were beyond use. I tried to act as normally as I could around them, but their fates weighed achingly heavy on me, and as the hours passed and as I got rid of more and more evidence, it grew harder to pretend that I was alright. Here they were, going about their holidays like every other one before, unaware of what their daughter was going to do to them that would alter the course of their lives forever. 

Mum was busy all day in the kitchen on Sunday, making several traditional Swedish Christmas dishes in advance of the twenty-fifth. This would be the last time that I’d get to experience this, and so I spent the day with her, helping her make the julskinka, Jansson’s Temptation, and Swedish meatballs. She let me make the glögg- a spiced mulled wine- by myself. Part of me wondered what would happen to the Christmas food after I obliviated them. Would they take it with them? Or would it all go to waste?

Astrid looked up from arranging the sliced potatoes in the glass dish. “Kersti Långstrump, can you set the table for dinner, please?” 

“Ja, Mamma.” 

Dad walked around the corner and into the kitchen, depositing his empty coffee mug in the top rack of the dishwasher. “Smells lovely,” he said, taking an appreciative whiff of the kanelbullar that were in the oven. “Having fun, Pippi?” he said to me. I nodded and went back to grating some carrots. “Do you remember when you went as Pippi Longstocking for Halloween?”

“Yeah, Dad. Multiple times.” 

Astrid smiled. “You made me read those books to you over and over again at bedtime.” 

“Nearly wore the book out, didn’t you?” John added, leaning down to give her a peck on the cheek. 

I smiled tensely, thinking about what I’d have to do soon. This was torture, seeing them so happy and recognizing myself as the bearer of ill fortune. 

Astrid was watching me, her blue eyes concerned. “Kersti, are they feeding you properly at that school? You look so thin, much thinner than before.” 

“Yes, Mum, I’ve been eating,” I said, not turning away from my task. 

Magnus came barreling around the corner and dove into the fridge, looking for the jug of milk, which he raised to his lips and drank from directly when he thought Mum wasn’t looking. 

“Magnus! Nej!” she said crossly. 

He drew the back of his hand across his mouth. “Sorry, not sorry, Mum.”

“Make yourself useful and help your sister set the table,” she said, shooing us both out of the kitchen and taking over the carrot-grating. I heard my parents talking about the logistics of finishing the Swedish food in time for Christmas dinner while Magnus and I set the table. 

“Going to visit _Matthhheewwww_ over the holidays?” he teased, directing snogging noises my way. 

“Piss off.” I wasn’t about to tell any of my family that Matthew was actually my weed dealer who sent me the pink packages at Hogwarts, care of my parents. I’d told them a half-truth by saying that he was my boyfriend; I had slept with him several times, but we’d remained on speaking terms only because I’d found out about his weed-dealing habit. 

“Does that woman-looking bloke know you’re not single?”

I glared at Magnus. “I said, piss off.”

He cackled. “So he doesn’t know! We’re going to come with you to the platform after the holidays and I’ll personally tell him he’s got an ice cube’s chance in hell of dating you, since you’re already ‘in a committed relationship.’” He said this last part like some people said “troll bogies.”

“No, you’re not talking to Sirius.”

“I’m going to embarrass you so much.”

“Fuck off!”

“KERSTI! No swearing at your brother!” Astrid yelled from the kitchen. “And Magnus, stop pestering her.”

I went back into the kitchen to tend to the kanelbullar and to start on the dammsugare, trying to relish these last fleeting moments with my family, even if my brother was being a royal pain in my arse. He was only teasing me because that was what younger brothers did, and I couldn’t fault him for being his usual immature, goofy self. Perhaps one day I’d even miss his relentless teasing. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Finally, I was ready on Monday. I’d wiped my room clean of all traces of me and gone through hundreds of things in the house. I’d hardly slept or eaten since I’d left Hogwarts, and I’d been obsessively rereading my notes on memory charms, false memory charms, and legilimency. The closer that I came to obliviating them, the more I lamented the fact that I’d already seen a snapshot of what I would do to them in October. How could I have ever known how much my life would change even in two short months? 

It was midday, and I’d just told my parents that I’d wanted them to meet me in the living room to tell them something important. As in the dream, I stood a few paces away, facing the couch. My dad smiled when he saw me, the crow’s feet appearing in the corner of his eyes, and he sat down on the couch totally at ease. If he knew, he would be running for his life. 

“Now what’s this all about, Kersti? You sounded so serious,” he said. 

I swallowed and resisted the urge to start crying. “I just wanted to… tell you something, that’s all.” I felt like a mechanical, demented puppet, my strings being pulled high above by the powers that be, who also controlled my Seer dreams. Fate, my awful mistress, looked down at me and laughed at my despair. 

Astrid walked down the stairs, Magnus in tow. She smiled too when she saw me. “Alright, Kersti Långstrump, we’re here. What is it that you wanted to tell us?”

Magnus flopped down into the armchair and threw his legs over the arm like in the dream. He looked supremely reluctant to be here, and I couldn’t blame him one bit. I would rather be anywhere but here.

“Magnus, how many times do I have to tell you not to sit like that?” Astrid chided. 

He rolled his eyes and swung his legs down to put his feet on the floor like a well-behaved younger brother. “Hurry up, Kersti. I’ve got other things to do.”

I couldn’t blame any of them for this; I only blamed myself. If only I hadn’t become a Seer, if only my abilities had never stirred from the depths of my magical subconscious. This would be all my fault, and I’d never forgive myself for what I was about to do. I’d taken plenty of photographs and packed them into my car to bring with me, but I wanted one last look at them in person, with all their flaws and expressions and idiosyncrasies. I stared from one to the other, every one of their features taking on a profound, tender significance to me in this moment of desperation and agony. My heart threw itself against my ribcage, like a prisoner rattling the bars of their cage in a futile attempt to break free. 

“Kersti? Sweetheart, are you alright?” John asked, sitting forward on the couch. 

I gripped my wand behind my back and withdrew it moments before I cast the spell. “ _Petrificus totalus_ ,” I choked out. My mother, father, and brother all froze, stiff as boards, limbs stuck and eyes wide open in a silent cry of vulnerability. Now, knowing that this was real life and that I’d chosen to do this, it was even worse than in the dream. But like I did in the dream, I forced myself to look them all in the eye. They were cognizant at the moment, and their insides must be roiling with fear as I stepped forward with my wand drawn. They had no idea what I could do to them, the extent of my magical abilities, and that unknown factor would terrify them while they still were conscious. 

I went to my mother first, staring into her blue eyes as she remained helpless. I started crying silently, and perhaps this was the only way to show them that I was being torn up inside by this task. I thought through the steps of obliviating her very carefully, and started the arduous process of erasing her memories of me. Because of the magnitude of my task, and the existing memories that my relatives in Sweden and England had of my existence, I’d decided to wipe their memories of me from 1974 onwards. This way, when they had any contact with my other relatives whose memories I hadn’t removed, they wouldn’t be confused or disoriented when my grandparents asked after a daughter whom they didn’t remember ever having. Also, this was where the false memory charm came in: I would give them all a new memory, which detailed that I’d died in a tragic car accident in the summer of 1974, before my fourth year at Hogwarts. To begin their new lives, I gave them a second one: that they had decided to move closer to my father’s family in Leeds. Not only were they protected from the Death Eaters by their wiped memories, but they would also be farther away from the central hub of London and the Ministry of Magic, around which the attacks had been the most prevalent. 

I knew what I was looking for. It didn’t take me long for me to remove all the traces of the three-and-a-half years, and then I cauterized the gaping wound in the fabric of her memories with the insertion of the car accident. It plugged the hole, gave her an explanation to fall back on, gave them a tangible reason about why I was absent. At least this way, they’d known me for most of my life and could reflect when my other relatives asked after me at family reunions and vacations. But I couldn’t ever forget this, not when her eyes stared back at me, bluer than a cloudless sky.

I moved on to my dad next, doing the same to him with no hitches in my plan. When I got to my brother, I was openly sobbing, and it was the only sound that echoed in what had once been our house. I felt perhaps the most guilty about Magnus, because I was forever altering his life at such an early stage, transplanting him before he could put down roots and establish himself firmly as an adult in Muggle Britain. What would his growth, his approach to adulthood, have looked like had I not had to do this, had this bloody war never arisen? If I had not become a Seer or been born a witch? I’d never seriously considered the possibility of having been born a Muggle, or even regretted my magical abilities, until now. Why couldn’t I have been born an ordinary Muggle like them? But I mostly blamed the pureblood supremacists, and the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters for this, and rightfully so. This war was ruining- had already ruined- so many lives. And in even more subtle ways, the beliefs that were espoused by blood purists, the Dark Lord, and the Death Eaters had already damaged so many witches and wizards. Even now, I lamented for the easier life that Sirius could’ve had, free from such oppressive views, as well as others who’d suffered because of their opposing beliefs. This war of ideologies did nothing but cause anguish. 

When I’d finished with Magnus, I switched tactics and took a moment to enter their minds as gently as I could, combing through layers of memories to make sure that I’d not forgotten a single trail of breadcrumbs leading to the truth. I was immensely grateful for my thorough research, because I’d done a flawless job. They didn’t look any different as they lay frozen, but they seemed to have taken on a distant, cold air to me. I walked out of their view, and when I was standing behind them, I removed their most recent memories of watching me use magic on them while they’d been petrified. They stayed unmoving, and now all traces of me were well and truly gone. Inching towards the door, I whispered _reparifors_ and, with a final glance at their slowly stirring forms, I soundlessly left, padded across the path, and crossed the street. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I waited in my car for several hours after that. I’d cast a disillusionment charm on my little Volvo- a gift from my parents on my sixteenth birthday- so that I blended in perfectly with my suburban surroundings. I’d even debated getting rid of my car, but reckoned that I could use the remainder of my Muggle money to pay for it to sit in storage while I finished school. After all, I’d make good use of it as soon as I graduated from Hogwarts and was out on my own, alone and roving the world like a restless beast of grief. I was being selfish too, because I wanted this tangible proof of my family left in my life. 

I was more worried than I’d initially thought about my relatives asking after me, and there being inconsistencies between their memories of me visiting Sweden when I was sixteen, and my family’s insistence that I’d died two years before that. I would have a ridiculous amount of free time on my hands after I finished at Hogwarts, since I would have no one to see, nowhere to go, and no one to care for, and so I’d travel to my father’s family in Leeds and my mother’s family in Enköping to obliviate them as well. Now, as I sat in my car and stared at my former house, the odd silhouette of a family member passing behind the curtain like a ghost, the realization that I’d be effectively homeless after graduation set in. If the future I’d seen where I was with Sirius and was friends with Lily and James were true, where would I be after leaving Hogwarts? 

I didn’t stay for more than a few hours, lingering in my car and watching the house from the street. My disillusionment charm would wear off and I couldn’t have them or anyone else seeing me. With a last, lingering glance at their house which would soon go on the market in preparation for their move, I shifted gears and pulled away from the curb. I would stay in London until January second, when the Hogwarts Express would leave for school. I’d also find a long-term parking spot for my car (with the disillusionment charm and protective spells cast on it to prevent anyone from breaking in), which held a few clothes and other Muggle things, including the photos of my family. What I’d do in London for a fortnight by myself was unclear, but I’d find some way to amuse myself. I didn’t want to stay in The Leaky Cauldron because of the risk of running into Death Eaters, other Hogwarts students, or any wizards and witches in general, so I’d booked a stay at a small, out-of-the-way Muggle hotel. 

As I drove to London from Reading, I realized that the events of that day hadn’t sunk in. I was in shock, and the grief hadn’t yet crushed me in its talons to drop me into its waiting maw, already salivating in anticipation of swallowing me whole. The silence in the car as I drove was deafening, and during that hour-long drive, all I could think about was Sirius. Where was he? What was he doing? How much fun was he having with James at his house? Was he missing me like he’d said that he would? Or had that been a drunk confession said on whim because he’d pitied me? I was so unbearably lonely, and in my desperation, I imagined him sitting in the passenger seat as I drove us both onwards. If he were here with me right now, what would he do? What would he say? He would comfort me with his presence alone, and cheer me up even though I felt like I was losing myself in my sadness and loneliness. I joined with the other cars on the main artery bound for London, and if Sirius were in the car, he’d tease and joke with me. Maybe I’d even tell him about what I’d done. If I did, I knew that he’d get me in the way that only he could. Hopefully he’d tell me that he understood why I’d done it. Would he comfort me? Would I ever be so lucky as to become that close to him? Would I come to know everything about him? 

As I drove, I realized that I was irrevocably and totally buggered. I hopelessly fancied Sirius Black, the heartthrob of Hogwarts, which could very well end in him smashing my heart to smithereens. But the danger of him breaking my heart was not enough, because I was set on wanting him. What did I expect? How could I have fallen this hard for anyone else but him? I wanted him, I wanted all of him, and I didn’t want anyone else. The mere thought of anyone else having him made me so angry and nervous that my hands shook and I felt physically ill, my stomach writhing like a pit of snakes. I tried to push away my thoughts, to drown them out by blasting the car radio, but it was hopeless. I desperately fancied Sirius, and he would haunt my every thought for the next fortnight.


	37. London

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to anyone who got the Dostoevsky reference.
> 
> Drive Away by The Brummies

I arrived in one piece at the Muggle hotel later that day. At least, in one piece physically. But mentally, I felt like I’d left a part of me behind, leaving a yawning chasm in my chest. I tried to fill the void with thoughts of Sirius, but that seemed to only make the pain worse because of the emotional turmoil that he caused in me. Right now, I couldn’t help but feel totally buggered by my family situation and my feelings for Sirius, and there was no way around either of those problems, at least for the time being. 

I spent that first week in London in a haze of denial and numbness. In the few days that I had before Christmas, I occupied myself by going to Muggle museums, libraries, and galleries during the day. In all respects, I looked exactly like a Muggle. I weaved through the crowds of them as they went on family outings or finished their last-minute Christmas shopping. Besides the wand in my pocket, I was mostly a Muggle. I tried my best to avoid the more crowded areas when I could, because the happy families reminded me too palpably of what I’d so recently lost, and what I’d never valued and cherished until it was gone. 

Weaving through crowds and watching people from park benches and museum steps, I thought about Sirius too. Part of me wished, hoping against all odds, that I’d somehow run into him in London. Perhaps I would if he were on his way with the boys to The Leaky Cauldron or Quality Quidditch Supplies, in some sort of unlikely scenario. I imagined scanning the faces in the crowds and miraculously seeing his amongst the rabble. Obviously it never happened. I knew where Sirius was spending his holidays, and there was an extremely low chance of him coming to London, let alone being in the same location as me. But that never stopped me from hoping, because I longed for him to be here with every fibre of my being. If the grief didn’t drive me over the edge, then perhaps my feelings for Sirius would. 

When I returned to my hotel room in the evenings, I felt Sirius’s absence even more tangibly. During the day, I had the bustling crowds around me to fill my senses and periphery vision, but when I came into the silence of my room, my thoughts of him overwhelmed me. In those evenings, I imagined what it would be like to have him with me. He’d stand with his hands in his pockets and leaning against the wall, grinning at me like a handsome devil. 

“Hey, kitten,” he’d say. “This is nice, getting a room to ourselves.” Or perhaps that was me wishing that he’d say that. 

“Nice to see you here, Sirius,” I whispered, sitting on the bed with my knees tucked up to my chest. 

“What’s wrong, kitten? Aren’t you so bloody excited to get me and this room to yourself?” 

“I s’ppose,” I muttered to the duvet. 

He’d walk over and sit next to me on the edge of the bed, close enough to touch but still so distant. “Aw, kitten. A thorough shag will cheer you up, I promise.” Or maybe he wouldn’t say that. 

“What have I done, Sirius?” I whispered. 

He’d stay sitting, physically here but emotionally in some other far-off land. Though, I had no idea what he’d say in this situation because I’d not gotten this close to him yet. Would I ever? I wanted to know all about him, and if he never let me get close enough, then that alone would shatter my heart. The reason that I wanted to know more about his family was because I wanted to know everything about him, and I wanted him to open up to me enough to comfortably tell me about his past. Even though I’d seen Regulus on Platform 9 ¾, that had been an accident and Sirius had shown me how uncomfortable he’d been in that situation with his body language and the way he’d stared me down defiantly, as if he were expecting me to scorn or make fun of him. Couldn’t he see that I would never, ever do that to him? Even after seeing that vulnerable side after the duel with Avery, I still needed to demonstrate that I would never try to hurt him while he was vulnerable. Wasn’t it enough already? Haven’t I shown you enough, Sirius? Why won’t you let me be close to you?

But in the end, I was never truly frustrated with Sirius for still holding me at arm’s length from his vulnerable side. He’d gone through hell, and he’d survived that by being tough and suspicious. It was what I’d done all the years spent hiding my Inner Eye, and I completely understood why he was the way that he was. In fact, I could never be angry with him for being himself, personal image and all. At the very least, I’d seen so much more of him behind his bad-boy image than most people were ever allowed to see, and for that I was grateful. But neither did it stop me from fearing that he would forget all about me over the holidays, and that he’d come back to Hogwarts feeling bored of me. 

On Christmas Day, when none of the museums or shops were open, I went in search of something from my Seer dreams. I’d already dreamt of that dark, dank wizarding house several times in the fall, the one in the long row of Muggle townhouses with the black door, beside which was the number 12. Several months ago, I’d seen the street name as well: Grimmauld Place. I took my car, since I couldn’t apparate both for fear of splinching myself and of having a Muggle see me. Moreover, I had no idea where I was going, and so I couldn’t properly visualize where I would apparate to. To my surprise, I found the street on an ordinary map, and I set out early in the morning after a night of little sleep. 

I parked one street over and walked to Grimmauld Place, looking for all the world like a lone Muggle girl out for a walk on Christmas morning. I slowed as I went down the row of townhouses, staying on the other side of the street as a precaution. But there was nothing. Number 11 and Number 13 were right where they should be, but the house that I was looking for was not. I cursed, the words coming out in a puff of fogged-up breath, and stood across the street, staring at where Number 12 Grimmauld Place should have been. I sat down on a nearby bench, glaring at Number 11 and Number 13 and pulling out a cigarette. 

In my sleep-deprived state, it took me the time to smoke a whole cigarette to realize the obvious: Number 12 was hidden by wards and other concealment spells. I stayed after I’d twigged that I wouldn’t be getting into the wizarding house, simply contemplating the row of townhouses and my cursed, maddening Seer abilities. I was itching to summon the door of Number 12, but I wasn’t that foolish. 

Obviously, I was dreading my return to Hogwarts. Not only would I be struggling to function normally after my life had gone to shit, but there was also the matter of Avery and other Slytherins knowing that I was a Muggleborn now. I was sure that they would try to hunt me down and do to me what they’d done to Mary Macdonald, or worse. What’s more, there was the problem of my feelings for Sirius, and if he should reject me when I saw him next, it might be the final straw in my current emotionally fragile state. But I’d already broken my heart by obliviating my family, so how could Sirius break a heart that had already been cleaved in two? 

The loss of my family set in during the second week of the holidays. I spent an evening driving around aimlessly, so much so that I had to stop at a petrol station. I parked my car in a parking lot overlooking a quiet park, under a darkened sky full of stars, pinpricks of light in an indigo blanket above me. I turned off the car and hunched over the steering wheel, crying until my head hurt and my eyes were puffy and angry. If I hadn’t had to obliviate my family, I might’ve been at James’s place now with the boys and Lily, basking in the shining glow of Sirius’s presence. As it stood, if Lily or James had sent me a letter inviting me to his place, I wouldn’t receive it because I was long gone. They didn’t know where I was, and I had no idea where they were. And would I have been able to pretend to be normal around them, especially Sirius? No. It was better this way, all alone with my grief. But I surely must be having the worst holidays of everyone at Hogwarts. 

I managed to fall asleep later that night in my hotel bed, curled up in a ball with my arms around myself, trying to hold the broken pieces together as I shook and cried. I dreamt of Magnus’s future that night. I saw him at his new school in Leeds, happy and smiling, like he’d always lived there and never in Reading. He was popular at the new school, just as he’d been for his whole life. In the dream, I burst into sobs as I followed him home and through the front door of their new house, where I saw my mother reading a Swedish book in the living room. My father was in the kitchen, fixing himself and Astrid cups of tea, and they stopped Magnus to talk about his school day while they sipped from their cups. They were all smiling, as happy as they’d been before I’d obliviated them. But that was okay, wasn’t it? I was glad that they were content with their new lives, but it still tore my emotions to pieces. At least my family didn’t know any better, while I was left to grieve their loss.

I hated myself for what I’d had to do to them. I really was a sick person, a spiteful person. No, I wasn’t a pleasant person at all. Maybe there was something wrong with my liver? Granted, I didn’t know a bloody thing about my liver, or whether all this pain was really only in my head, an emotional pain. The only thing that was conceivably wrong with me was that I was a Seer, and that it had forced me to ruin the lives of my parents and brother, and my own in the process. Did my gifts only exist to help others, at the expense of my sanity and happiness? Did I exist in misery just to aid others with my dreams and visions? Would my happiness always be subjugated to my Inner Eye and the things that it forced me to watch unfold? But none of these endless questions mattered; my family was gone and I couldn’t bring them back.


	38. Distance has made the hearts grow fonder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The return to Hogwarts and a reunion. 
> 
> What is this love by Blue Rodeo

The morning of Monday, January second, I got up in the early hours after a night of tossing and turning. I showered and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror; I must’ve lost at least one stone since the beginning of December, and I looked horrendous. The Hogwarts Express could’ve run me over and I would’ve looked better. Even besides the weight loss, there was my face, which bore several damning signs: massive, purple bags under my eyes; an unhealthy pallor to my skin; and a deadened look to my eyes. Well, at least I could acknowledge that I looked like shit. 

After packing what little I had in the hotel room, I left and bundled myself into my Volvo. During the drive to King’s Cross Station, I couldn’t help but worry about my feelings for Sirius. Was I only feeling this way about him because I was trying to distract myself from my loss and grief? Was I only using him as a crutch? I didn’t know, though I supposed the only way to know for sure was to see him again, which I wasn’t looking forward to. What if he didn’t want to waste his time with me anymore? What if he shut me out like everyone else? 

I arrived in a haze of numbness at the train station at seven o’clock. I was four hours early, but it wasn’t like I had anything better to do than hide in a hidden corner of Platform 9 ¾, trying to delay my inevitable reunion with Sirius. I parked my car, cast the charms on it, and then headed into the Muggle section of the station. I trudged over to the barrier and passed through it like a ghost, standing with muddled thoughts in the middle of the empty platform. As I holed up in a corner where no one would find me to pass the time, I doubted my abilities to pick myself up and walk away in one piece from what I’d gone through over the holidays. Would I ever forgive myself for what I’d done to them?

Slowly, the platform filled with students, and when the train was ready to be boarded, I slunk through the crowds and onto the train unnoticed. Finding an empty compartment and drawing the blinds, I locked the door and curled up against the window. With every mile that the train advanced closer to Hogwarts, the dread inside of me grew until my stomach was in knots and threatening to eject its contents, despite the fact that I hadn’t eaten since yesterday. Now that I looked like shit and misery echoed from every fibre of my being, there really would be nothing to entice Sirius back to me, and that thought was a terrible burden weighing on my mind. At several points throughout the train ride, I thought I heard voices outside the compartment, perhaps one of the Prefects wondering why this compartment was locked from the inside and what inappropriate conduct was happening on the other side of the door. But no one managed to disturb me. The only inappropriate thing was that I had used magic on my family against their will. My sole consolation was to look outside at the passing landscape, at the raw beauty of the Scottish Highlands, and imagine myself running through the valleys and over hills in my animagus form, free from my sadness and worries. 

I was one of the last ones off the train at Hogsmeade Station. All the other seventh-years were well on their way to the self-pulling carriages, except three girls huddled off to the side, twittering anxiously amongst themselves like robins around an owl. Their eyes snapped to me when they saw me getting off the train in my Ravenclaw robes. I trudged over. 

“Fuck, Kersti,” Lia said. “What in Merlin’s name happened to you over the break?”

I fiddled with the strap of my satchel. “Nothing much.”

“Nothing much my arse,” Tess said so viciously that I flinched. “You look absolutely…” Tess was never at a loss for words; I must really look like shit. 

Emily stepped forward and gripped me in a tight hug. I let her hold me and hid my face in her shoulder. “We were so worried. We didn’t see hide nor hair of you on the train or at the platform, and then Evans came by and asked about you. She’d not seen you either. We all thought something had happened to you.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I whispered into her robes. 

“You don’t want to talk about it? For Merlin’s sake, why can’t-”

Lia laid a hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay, Kersti. We don’t have to talk about it. Leave it alone, Tess.”

I broke away but couldn’t meet their eyes. I let them guide me to one of the last carriages, which was waiting for the stragglers. They talked amongst themselves and let me stare morosely at the passing scenery around us, for which I was very grateful. As they went into the Great Hall for the welcome-back feast, I took the passage out to the Clocktower Courtyard and made my way down the grassy hill and into the darkened forest. At least for now, I had managed to avoid Sirius, though I didn’t know how long that would last for. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I emerged from the Forbidden Forest the next morning, feeling worse for wear. I couldn’t possibly avoid Sirius today, not when we had classes together. As I walked through the courtyard and up to the Ravenclaw dormitory in the early hours when the halls were empty, I tried to convince myself with every step that I would be fine, that I could come out of this in one piece. I was strong, and I would get past this and survive, wouldn’t I? But I wasn’t sure of myself anymore. 

I descended the flights of stairs to breakfast, if only to keep Em, Lia and Tess’s concerned looks and comments at bay. Maybe if I made an effort to attend meals, they would stop remarking on my weight loss and generally unhealthy pallor. To distract myself from my nerves and writhing stomach, I tried to guess what we would be covering in Advanced Charms and D.A.D.A. that day. I was walking down the final steps of the last staircase in front of the Great Hall when the worst thing happened to me. 

“Kersti.”

I paused on the third step from the bottom and looked up. I locked eyes with Lily, who was standing outside the doors with the Marauders. On instinct, I looked to Sirius, though I wished that I hadn’t. He was staring at me and I suddenly felt so nauseated that I feared I would be sick right then and there. I swallowed down the bile and managed the last few steps with shaky legs. Sirius didn’t take his eyes off me once, an usually confused expression on his face. I must look very different from when I had left for the holidays, because even James and Remus seemed to have noticed. The last thing I wanted to do was have this confrontation, but I couldn’t run away without severely incriminating myself. After all, I wanted to pretend that I was just fine and dandy, didn’t I?

Lily smiled when I finally reached them. “Hi.”

“H-hi,” I said lamely, trying and failing to ignore Sirius still staring at me. 

“How were your holidays?” she asked. 

I tried to smile but it was close-lipped and didn’t reach my eyes. “Oh, the holidays? Yeah, they were fine. Great. Nice to have a break from school, see the family and all. Yeah, they were fine.” I realized that I was babbling but couldn’t help it, as if saying more would make the lie more convincing. 

Lily stared at me like I’d grown a second head. “Oh, really? That’s good to hear.”

I nodded too enthusiastically, which made James’s eyebrows disappear into his hairline. 

Sirius frowned and glared at me. “Yeah, I’ll bet,” he muttered. I ignored him, not having the courage of a Gryffindor to meet his eyes. 

Lily looked from him to me. “Er… did you not get my letter inviting you James’s place?”

“Hmm? Letter?”

“So you didn’t get it?”

I suddenly had the terrible realization that I knew what letter she was talking about. I’d seen the two addressed to me, in the dream, though in reality I’d left my parents’ house for London long before they’d reached me. “Er, uh, no. I didn’t get any letters,” I stammered helplessly. 

“I thought you were going to be around for the holidays? I- we- thought you’d want to come to James’s place for the last week.”

I shook my head, trying to keep the tears away. “No, sorry, I was on… vacation with my family. I’m sorry that I didn’t reply, I really am. I would’ve come if I’d been around to receive them, but it was a last minute vacation and all, and, well, you know how it is…”

Sirius raised a disbelieving eyebrow at me. It wasn’t a friendly look at all. “Oh, yeah, sure,” he said under his breath, his biting tone making me flinch. It wasn’t like I wanted to lie to him, but I couldn’t tell him either. How could I put him at risk by telling him that I was a Seer, when I’d done such a terrible thing to my family to negate that risk for them?

“That’s alright,” Lily said quickly. “Are you… are you well? You look really… ill, Kersti.”

I tried to manage a nonchalant laugh, which came out as a strangled sound. “Oh, don’t worry about me. I had a nasty bout of the stomach flu over the holidays, but I’m better now. Had no appetite for a week or so. Nasty thing, flus are.” I looked down at my shoes. 

James cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well, er, it’s nice to see you again, Stripes. Let’s, er… let’s go in, Lily.”

She laid a comforting hand on my shoulder and I nearly started in panic. “I’ll see you in class later.” 

I didn’t look up as I heard her and James leave, followed by Remus and Peter, leaving me standing to the side of the doors, unseen and alone with Sirius. This was exactly what I’d been fearing. My hands and knees shook terribly and I stayed staring down at the ground, fearing that if I looked up to meet Sirius’s eyes, I’d start crying. I’d never felt this awkward around him before. 

He sighed and finally broke the heavy silence.“You look terrible, kitten. What happened?”

I scoffed. “Wow, thanks. I know I look terrible, thank you very much for reminding me.”

He made a frustrated sound. “Why didn’t you come to Prongs’s place? I sent a letter to your address.”

“I couldn’t. And why does it matter?” I looked up and met his eyes defiantly. “Did it actually bother you?” I snapped with more venom than I’d intended.

His face twisted in anger and I flinched, suddenly scared. “Yes, it bloody well bothered me! What was I supposed to think when you never even bothered to write back? I was rather pissed off, to tell you the truth. You couldn’t even bother a sodding reply to say you didn’t want to waste your time with me?” he snarled. 

I shook my head, the tears gathering in my eyes. “That’s not it. That’s not it at all. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. I wanted to come, I really did, but I couldn’t. But I wanted to.”

He laughed mockingly, a sound I didn’t like at all. “You didn’t even give me the decency of letting me know that, Kersti.”

I flinched again at him using my first name, the tears spilling over. My voice cracked. “I’m sorry, okay? I couldn’t. I swear on my life, I wanted to. I would’ve wanted to do nothing more than come, but I had some things I had to do. I’m sorry.” A few tears tracked down my face. 

He watched me silently for a moment before taking a hesitant step forward. “Kitten… I’m sorry.”

I avoided his gaze and didn’t say anything. 

“I shouldn’t’ve yelled at you. I’m being a right stupid git. I just, er… I didn’t know why you ignored the letters and I was pissed off during the holidays about it.” 

I looked up and met his eyes, managing a wry twist of the lips. “Nothing like a fortnight to stew in your anger?”

He offered me a lopsided grin. “Sounds about right.” He studied me, those piercing grey eyes missing nothing. “You don’t look like you had good holidays, kitten. Did your ‘life go to shit?’”

I nodded. “Sounds about right. Probably had the worst holidays of everyone at Hogwarts.”

He stared. “Are you going to tell me, or just leave me to guess?”

“I’m not ready to tell you yet, Sirius.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t, alright?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sakes,” he snapped. More tears tracked down my face. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “It just seems like it’s never going to happen, that’s all. I’m getting rather impatient.”

My lower lip wobbled as I began to cry silently. 

Sirius let out a frustrated sound and clutched his head. “Shit. Fuck! I’m sorry, kitten. I never say the right thing and always stick my foot in my mouth.” He laid a hand on each of my shoulders, looking at my face earnestly. “I know and freely admit that I am a foolish git who always says the wrong thing. And I’m also a scoundrel and addicted to making mischief. And I’m a heartless arsehole. And a mangy dog. And I have so many fleas. And I’m constantly itching myself because of said fleas. And I chase my tail. And I lick my-”

I looked up and burst out laughing. “Oh, alright, you silly dog. I get it.”

“Did you like that apology?”

“Wasn’t expecting it, if I’m being honest. You’re usually not that verbose.”

He grinned. “I was sort of imitating Prongs when he apologizes to Evans, only I didn’t blather on about your eternal beauty or some other rot.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “So I’m ugly?”

His eyes went wide and he looked comically surprised. “Merlin’s arsehole, no! I didn’t mean that! That is not what I meant at all, I swear.”

I smiled. “I know, I was just taking the piss.”

He sighed dramatically. “Thank Merlin.” He stilled, his expression inscrutable as he looked back at me. The smile slipped from my face. Had I really hurt him when I hadn’t replied to the invitation? He raised a tentative hand and wiped the tears from my cheeks with the pad of his thumb. “I’m sorry, kitten.”

“S’okay, not your fault,” I mumbled, nervous at the sudden intimate turn that this interaction had taken. 

“You know you can tell me what happened, right?” he said, barely above a whisper. 

I nodded, hyper aware that his hands were still on my shoulders and that our faces were so close. For some reason, I felt like he was going to kiss me right here outside the Great Hall. 

He offered me a half-smile and stepped away from me, breaking our physical contact and leaving me bereft. “You coming in for breakfast?” 

I shook my head and looked away, afraid of the tenderness in his gaze. “No. I’m not hungry.”

He opened his mouth to speak, hesitated, and then cleared his throat. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” I said, voice thick with emotion. 

“Okay. Alright, kitten. I’ll see you later?” he said hesitantly. 

I nodded. “Yeah. I’ll see you later,” I said. I turned away from him without looking up, worried about my tears returning if I met his eyes again. But as I walked away from him and up the stairs, I wanted nothing more than to return to him as he stood outside the doors, watching my retreating form. 


	39. Constellations and Consternation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! The start of the real romance! I’m very excited to have reached this part of the story, as you can tell. 
> 
> A Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay

Like the cowardly Ravenclaw I was (for I certainly wasn’t a Gryffindor), I avoided Sirius after our talk outside the Great Hall. But I couldn’t ignore how his gaze followed me wherever I went, in the classes that we shared, in the corridors, and in the Great Hall. How did I distract myself? By stealing a crystal ball from the Divination classroom of course, and using it to try to see more of my family’s future. Though I’d never used a one before, I was hoping that me being a Seer would overrule my lack of knowledge. I assumed that I would naturally have a leg up on others without an Inner Eye. However, by Thursday I’d yet to see anything in the crystal ball, though I was patient and I refused to give up on trying to reassure myself that I’d made the right choice for my family, by confirming that I hadn’t ruined their lives. Maybe I’d given them a better quality of life with what I’d done, or maybe that was only wishful thinking. 

Of course, I’d known that Avery would find out that I was a Muggleborn because of my family coming to Platform 9 ¾, and I’d known that there would eventually be a confrontation of sorts. It happened on Thursday of the first week back. I was standing with Em, Tess and Lia outside the D.A.D.A classroom, minding my own business as usual and thanking my lucky stars that the Marauders hadn’t shown up yet, when Avery led his gang of Slytherin goons into the corridor. To be honest, I was surprised that it had taken him this long. 

“Oi! Grindylow!” 

The three of us looked up to see Avery swaggering over with Mucliber, Snape, Rosier, and Wilkes in tow, outnumbering us. Maybe he had more brain cells than I’d initially thought. I gripped my wand in my pocket but waited to see what he’d say. 

The Slytherins stopped in front of us, Avery at their helm and towering over me. His face was twisted into the most vile expression that I’d ever seen. “I should’ve known you were mudblood filth.”

I stepped forward, gripping my wand. “How observant of you.”

He grinned nastily, while Rosier, Wilkes, and Mulciber laughed and Snape looked fit to kill me for being a “scum of the earth.” “Didn’t anyone bother to tell you not to bring your filthy family to the platform?”

“Didn’t anyone bother to tell you not to pick a fight with students who are more powerful than you?” I snarled. 

They all laughed, the sound cold and cruel. “As if mudblood filth like you would ever stand a chance against any pureblood,” Mulciber said, spit flying from his mouth. 

“Fuck off before I make you, Avery,” Emily said, raising her wand and stepping forward to support me. 

Mulciber leered. “So you’re a blood traitor, Sanderson?” Their laughter was the only sound in the corridor, which had gone silent. The other students had their eyes glued to our confrontation. 

“Fuck you, Mulciber,” Emily spat. 

Avery stared at me, his expression crazed. “You and your family are no better than filthy, disgusting animals, Grindylow.”

I curled my lip and growled from deep in my throat as if I were Stripes. “Fuck you, don’t fucking talk about my family.”

“They’re no smarter than beasts, that’s for certain. No wonder you turned out so soft in the head.” 

I stepped forward, drawing my wand to point it at his face. “FUCK YOU! Talk about my family once more, I FUCKING dare you!” I yelled.

Avery raised his own wand, now inches from me. “Filthy fucking mudblood! Don’t you dare talk to me like that! Learn your place, Grindylow.”

“SHUT YOUR BLOODY FACE! I WILL RIP YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!” I yelled and grabbed him by his lapels, making him stumble back a few steps. I snarled and dug my wand tip into his throat so hard that his head was tipped up at a severe angle. The other Sltyherins drew their wands and pointed them at me, yelling insults. 

“Kersti, no!” Lia said, trying to pull me away. 

“Say one more thing and you’re dead,” I spat, eyes still fixed on Avery, feeling the pulse beating tantalizingly fast in his throat. I could rip him to shreds as Stripes alone. 

“Enough! Stop!” someone else yelled.

“Kersti, no! He’s not worth it!” Lia said, sounding panicked. “Don’t get yourself expelled over him.”

“I SAID ENOUGH!” a girl screamed. 

I took a few measured steps back from Avery and turned to the source of the voice, which was Lily running down the corridor, the boys in tow. I backed away from Avery, pocketing my wand with shaking hands as she stopped next to us. Avery was snarling at me, his face red and a vein bulging on his forehead, the other boys still standing with raised wands. 

“Put down your wands, everyone,” James said, staring the Slytherins down and using his height to intimidate them. 

Snape’s face screwed up in an impossibly sour expression before they reluctantly did as they were told. He opened his mouth to say something when another voice interrupted, the footsteps echoing down the corridor. 

“Absolutely unacceptable behaviour!” Professor Darkmore was running towards us, her midnight-blue robes billowing out behind her like she was an odd-coloured bat. “Students, separate yourselves this instant, or everyone will be going to see the Headmaster for possible suspensions.”

The Slytherins stepped away, with Avery directing one last smarmy grin at me. I sensed rather than saw Sirius standing next to me, looking at me worriedly. I avoided his gaze, trying to still my shaking hands. 

“Miss Ridgelow, that was completely unacceptable behaviour, laying hands upon another student, and both verbally and physically threatening them.” Sirius tried to interject with the beginnings of an angry protest, but the professor silenced him with an icy look. “Detention every week for the whole of January, starting today, Miss Ridgelow. And I will be informing your Head of House about your inappropriate conduct.”

“But, Professor, Avery and his-”

“No ‘buts,’ Miss Evans.” She gave me one last look of utter reproach before striding off to let us into the classroom. Avery and the other Slytherins pointed and laughed at me, and I made a very rude gesture at him, which only made them laugh harder. 

“Fucking bullshit, that’s what that is,” Sirius growled, fists clenched. 

“Bloody manky Slytherins, getting away with everything,” James added, glaring daggers at Snape. 

“Why’d she punish you if that arsehole started it?” Lily added. 

I shrugged. “Favouritism, most likely.” 

“Stupid. How’re Muggleborns supposed to feel safe at Hogwarts if the professors won’t even lend a helping hand?” Lia said sadly. 

Sirius grumbled something under his breath about blood purist buggers. 

“I’ll be fine. I have some presents for Filch anyway,” I said. “I’ll make it out of detention in one piece.”

Sirius looked at me sadly, but no one really had anything to say to that, and so I trudged into class behind the girls. A month’s worth of detentions and a bloodthirsty Avery were small concerns in my mind compared to my grief. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I served my first of four detentions for January directly after dinner. I had to tidy the entire Trophy Room without magic, seeing as Peeves had flung all the trophies around last night, leaving the room in total disarray. However, I’d managed to placate Filch because I’d brought him a tabloid magazine about the Queen so that he’d have something to read while he supervised me. He’d snatched it out of my hands suspiciously, but then he’d buried his face behind it and not said a word since the detention had begun. I could’ve sworn that he was tearing up and sniffling more than usual as he pored over the glossy, high-resolution images of the Queen, Prince Phillip, and Prince Charles. Silly old bugger. 

Filch dismissed me with a mild wave of his hand when I’d finished three hours later at nine o’clock, never peeling his eyes from the magazine. I slipped out and closed the door behind me, faltering in the hallway. 

“Hey, kitten,” Sirius said, leaning against the wall opposite me, his hands in his pockets and a grin on his face. 

My heart thrummed to life and my stomach began bouncing up and down. I suddenly felt very hot and flustered, and loosened the tie around my neck in an effort to not feel so trapped. “Hey,” I said quietly. 

He moved away from the wall until he was standing in front of me, looking down with an inscrutable look on his face. “I’d ask you how detention went, but I reckon I already know how it was.”

I managed a nod and a shy smile, my insides reduced to mush and my pulse beating furiously at his proximity. Would he ever feel the same way about me?

“Fancy a smoke with me?” he said, eyes scanning my face for my reaction. 

“Okay.”

He grinned and I felt my pulse quicken. I followed him in a haze as he led me through the corridors, unable to stare at anything but him as I walked at his side. How could anyone as amazing as him feel the same way about me? Was it delusional to think he could fancy me too? My heart did somersaults every time he turned to grin at me, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss him until I forgot all about my grief. 

It didn’t take us long to reach the darkened grounds, and we stopped in our usual smoking spot as Sirius hunted around in his robe pockets for his pack of cigarettes. Perhaps it was just my imagination, but it looked to me like his hands were fiddling nervously with the pack as he gave one to me and took one himself. I mirrored his pose and leaned against the wall as we began to smoke. My shoulder was nearly brushing his, but I resisted the urge to lean into his warmth. 

I couldn’t help but stare at him as he lowered the cigarette from his pursed lips, exhaling a lungful of smoke before he spoke, his gaze fixed on the clear night sky. “Do you know that constellation, kitten?” he said, gesturing to one. 

“No,” I said and took a drag. 

He stared at the stars, brow furrowed in concentration. “It’s Canis Major, although I’ve never found that it looks like anything but a blob of bloody stars.”

I laughed and looked at the constellation. “Yeah, I agree.”

He flashed me a smile before turning back to the night sky. “The brightest star in it is Sirius. Well, it’s also the brightest star in the night sky. Bloody stupid parents naming me after a star.” I laughed. “What?” he said, staring at me. 

I grinned. “Dunno, it’s just… well, figures you’d be named after the brightest, most beautiful star in the sky.”

He snorted. “Why, because I’m always the best and brightest and most beautiful?”

I nodded, grinning like a loon. “Yeah.”

He smiled ruefully and turned back to the stars, taking a pensive drag. “I mean, it’s not surprising that my parents named me after a star, seeing as star and constellation names run in the Black family.”

“Really?” I said, unable to hide my curiosity. 

“Yeah. My father’s name is Orion, after the constellation that’s right next to Canis Major,” he said, gesturing to a different group of stars. “Identifying the stars in the sky that my family members are named after was quite possibly the only thing my father taught me that I remember. And my little brother Regulus is also named after one. Of course, my middle name had to bloody well be Orion, so I’ve got two star-related names.”

“Sirius Orion Black?” I said quietly. 

He nodded with what looked like a grimace. “Real fruity name, yeah?”

I shrugged. “I take it you don’t like your name?”

He shook his head vigorously. “Bloody Black family names. At least I chose the name ‘Padfoot’ for myself and like it. But ‘Sirius’ is just another reminder of the family that I come from which I hate. Not to mention that my parents didn’t even have the decency to come up with an original one for me. Strictly speaking, I’m the third Sirius to appear in the family tree.”

“The other two are surely pathetic excuses for Sirius Blacks in comparison to you.”

He turned to look at me, smiling. “Thank you for the compliment, kitten. Are you the first Kersti Ridgelow of your family?” 

I smiled back. “Yes, and the only one to attend Hogwarts.”

“You’re a trail blazer, kitten.”

I shrugged and took another hit from my cigarette. “Could’ve just as easily been born a Muggle.”

“That would’ve been a terrible waste,” he said.

I looked away, my heart stuttering in my chest. Sirius always reduced my limbs to jelly when he grinned at me like that. I felt almost like Sirius B, which was the dwarf star that made up the other half of the binary Sirius star system. That left Sirius as the star Sirius A, around which I incessantly orbited. 

He exhaled another puff of smoke and said, “There are my other relatives who’re also named after stars and constellations, like Pollux, Cassiopeia, Cygnus, all that rot. And the cousins that Avery mentioned when we dueled him and Mulciber, though one’s named after a flower.”

“Are they cousins on your mother’s or father’s side?”

“My mother’s.” Sirius turned to give me a sombre look. “I reckon I should start from the beginning so it makes sense, kitten.”

“If you want to. You don’t have to if you don’t want to tell me,” I said. 

He looked at me seriously. “I want to, Kersti. Just don’t… don’t judge me too harshly because of what I come from, will you?”

I shook my head. “I could never, I promise. I realized a long time ago that you’re not like your family at all. I promise that I won’t.”

He managed a pinched smile and turned his attention back to his cigarette. “You already know about the Blacks and all their pureblood rot, so there’s that. They’re one of what’s called the Sacred Twenty-Eight. The ‘noble and most ancient House of Black’ has always been very… obsessed with blood purism, and I’m the first Black to have been sorted into Gryffindor.”

“They were all Slytherins before you?” 

He nodded, his posture tense. “Yeah. My father and mother- like the rest of them- are fixated on the pureblood agenda, to the point where they married each other even though they’re second cousins.”

I couldn’t help but gasp. “Second cousins?”

He could only manage a grimace. “Yeah, they married for the sake of some stupid notion of blood purity, and then they had me and my brother Regulus, who’s born in 1961. So my cousins on my mother’s side, the ones that Avery mentioned, are Blacks too.”

“And they’re all blood supremacists as well?”

“The worst of them. Well, Bellatrix and Narcissa are, but not Andromeda. She got disowned just like me because she married a Muggle, Ted Tonks. But her sisters married respectable purebloods, so they’re the ‘shining stars’ of the family. Obviously, she’s my favourite cousin, and the only other family member I respect besides my Uncle Alphard.”

“Wasn’t… haven’t I heard about him before?” I said, the name sounding vaguely familiar. 

“Yeah. Prongs mentioned him when we were talking about the niffler in my flat. He left me a handsome sum of money in his will after he died, which meant that I could fend for myself. I used some of it to buy my own flat.”

I stared at Sirius, my cigarette long since forgotten. “Why’d you get disowned?” I asked. 

He offered me a bitter smile before he turned back to the sky. “Because I didn’t agree with their pureblood mania. I rebelled against my parents from the beginning, and things only got worse when I was sorted into Gryffindor. After that, well… things declined very quickly. And… when I was sixteen, during the summer between fifth and sixth year, I ran away from home.”

It took me several moments for me to speak. “You did?”

Sirius turned to meet my gaze. “Yeah. I couldn’t take it anymore. Of course, Regulus was always the perfect pureblood son, and they loved to make me feel like shit by comparing me to him, yelling at me and asking what was wrong with me that I couldn’t be a perfect heir like him. They thought I was soft in the head, defective, for not believing in their pureblood rot. I reckon things hit a breaking point that summer, and I couldn’t stay there anymore. And that was the best decision I’ve ever made in my entire life.”

I threw away my smoldering cigarette, my heart breaking for him and all that he’d gone through at such a young age. “I… I’m so sorry that you went through that, Sirius,” I said quietly. 

He shrugged. “It’s okay, kitten.” He leaned against the wall, smoking in silence, while I studied him. Who were you, Sirius Black? Who were you under the mysterious, bad-boy image you projected to the rest of the world, and would you let me know everything about you? 

I wrapped my arms around myself. “I’m sorry for lying about my holidays. And I am sorry about blowing off the invitation.”

He watched me. “That’s okay, kitten. I’m sorry about your fight with that manky arsehole today. I reckon that’s the angriest I’ve ever seen you.”

“Oh, Avery? Well, I should’ve seen it coming. He did see my family at Platform 9 ¾.”

“But…” Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Even though my family is just as bad as him, you know that I’d never say anything like that to you, right?”

“Of course I know that. You’re not your family, Sirius. If you were like that, you would never have… gotten involved with me after you found out that I’m a Muggleborn.”

“I know, I just… I don’t want you to think I’d ever be like that, you know?”

“I know.”

We lapsed into silence for several minutes before he spoke again. “What happened to you over the break, Kersti? You came back all… different. Did something happen with your family?”

The image of my parents, bodies frozen and eyes open as I obliviated them in what had been the safety of their home, flashed through my mind. I shook my head. 

Sirius threw away his cigarette butt and turned to face me. “What happened?”

I shook my head harder and, despite my best efforts, the tears started falling. “I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?” he asked quietly, stepping nearer until he was within touching distance. 

“I can’t. I just can’t.” I hid my face in my hands, embarrassed that I was becoming a teary, sniffling mess in front of Sirius. “I want to, but I can’t,” I said, struggling around the lump in my throat. He was silent, and I feared that he was going to be angry or that he was going to turn around and leave me out here alone. “I’m sorry, I can’t,” I said, choking on my words. 

He sighed, as if he were trying to let go of the urge to question me. “That’s alright, kitten.” He wrapped an arm around me and let me lean into his side. He started smoking another cigarette as I hid my tear-stained face in his chest, sinking into his warmth and scent and the feeling of his body pressed against mine. “There’s a party happening in the Gryffindor Common Room tomorrow evening, if you want to come,” he said, his voice rumbling through his chest. 

“Okay. I guess I’ll come.” At least the alcohol might help me drown out the pain. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there so you don’t have to be at the party alone.”

“That sounds nice,” I mumbled into his robes. 

He chuckled, gripping my shoulder in a comforting gesture. “I’m…” He cleared his throat and began again. “I’m glad that I’ve begun telling you about my family.”

“Thanks for telling me,” I whispered, unable to help the smile on my face. “Have I ever told you how glad I am that you’ve shaken my seventh-year upside down?”

He let out a bark of laughter. “No, you haven’t.”

I drew my face away from his side to look up at him fondly. Never had I wanted to be so close to someone else before, to know everything about them. “Well, you have. In the best way possible.” 

He looked down and brushed a strand of hair away from my cheek. “As long as you’re happy about it, I guess it’s not so bad?” 

I nodded, unable to look away. He smiled softly, his beautiful eyes searching my face. His gaze flicked briefly to my lips before he leaned in and kissed me. 

I’d sorely missed the feel of his mouth on mine, with his soft, beautiful lips that were perfect for kissing. His scent, so unique and beguiling, wrapped around me and pulled me under. As we kissed, he reached out to hold my cold hand in his warm one, squeezing in a comforting gesture. Raising a hand to tangle in his hair, I deepened the kiss. His tongue poked out between his lips and met mine, and I gripped his hand, loving the feeling of our fingers intertwining. I could feel my cheeks flushing and my body thrumming with electricity. I’d kissed him so many times before, but this was different because now I fancied him, and I wanted so painfully for him to fancy me back. But he was Sirius, and I would never be able to force him to feel the same way about me, even if I had wanted to. If he were to have the same feelings as me, it would have to be of his own volition. Yet, the thought of losing him, of no longer having him in my life, made me achingly sad.

Sirius pulled away, his hand still gripping mine. His thumb rubbed over my skin slowly, like he was trying to memorize the feeling of my hand in his. I let my fingers fall from his hair as he watched me. I couldn’t read his expression in the darkness. “Will you be okay, kitten? Until I see you tomorrow, I guess.”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I can manage alone.”

He squeezed my hand but didn’t say anything. For the first time, it seemed like he had no idea what to say. 

“I’ll be fine, okay? Thanks for inviting me,” I said, watching his face. 

He offered me a half-smile. “Wouldn’t be the same without you.”

I shrugged. “I s’ppose so.”

He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. His eyes scanned my face. “I, er… I did miss you, you know. Over the holidays. Er…” He swallowed again. 

I smiled, my cheeks burning. “I missed you too,” I whispered, unable to break his gaze even though my body was on fire. 

Sirius grinned and abruptly he was kissing me again, squeezing my hand in his as if he never wanted to let go. He kissed me harder, with a desperation and need that I’d never felt in him until now. I tried to keep up with his pace, but he was snogging me now like he was a starving man and like he needed me to fill a chasm inside him. 

He broke away and sighed, a sound so pleasant and content that my throat closed with emotion. He was grinning, features alive with happiness, and I wondered how I could have possibly made him that happy. He squeezed my hand in his. “Reckon we should go back before we get caught, kitten. I don’t want to make you get any more detentions.”

I smiled. “Yeah, I reckon you’re right.”

Sirius clasped my hand once more before letting go and turning away, heading back into the castle. I caught up and walked side by side with him, both of us grinning from ear to ear at each other like a pair fit for the loony bin. But I couldn’t be bothered to care about what we might look like to outsiders; I was with Sirius, and that was the most important thing at the moment. 


End file.
